Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 1999


eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
I love cats. They taste just like chicken. =
I ate those juicy kittens? Heck! Call vets!

eq.1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Garbageman =
Bag manager.

3rd - Graham Perkins with:
The Sin of Adultery =
Try "head", it's fun. Ole!

Don P. Fortier with:
Delirium Tremens =
'Til men desire rum.

Jon Gearhart with:
Travesty of Justice =
Cites fast jury vote.

Melaleuca Alternifolia with:
A white Christmas =
What is this, cream?

Meyran Kraus with:
Soccer Player =
Score, leap, cry.

Tom Myers with:
The shortest day =
Death's the story.

Tom Myers with:
The signs of a damn poor microphone =
Magnet for echo, pop and hiss in room.

Mick Tully with:
I will still respect you in the morning =
Our instinct: we'll promise, lie nightly.


eq.1st - Richard Grantham with:
Salvador Dali's 'The Persistence of Memory' =
Sparse olive rod and/or shy face: time melts.

eq.1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Robert Schumann =
Brahms' Nocturne.

3rd - Chuck Davis with:
Late Show with David Letterman =
Wave hard, handsome little twit!

Richard Grantham with:
The Disintegration of the Persistence of Memory =
Yet time forgot tree, head on prisms. Note nice fish.

Meyran Kraus with:
Did you know this? 'Snow White' was the very first animated film =
The Walt Disney movie is witty (won him awards). Fun for the kids!

Graham Perkins with:
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas =
I diet? A sham. Stomach grew infirm.


1st - David R. Conrad with:
'Twas the night before Christmas =
Ah, Christ, bet he wants more gifts.

eq.2nd - Janet Muggeridge with:
Muhammad Ali is the 'BBC Sports Personality of the Century' =
Formerly Cassius Clay, potent hitter bobs, I had mean thump.

eq.2nd - Timothy Wig with:
Year two thousand =
A date so unworthy.

David Bourke with:
The Manchester United and England footballer David Beckham =
"Eek!" Car chased, but then the mad mental fool landed driving ban.

Richard Brodie with:
Dad voted a same-gender Act? =
God created Adam and Steve!

Daniel F. Etter with:
The Virgin Mary =
I've giant myrrh.

Jon Gearhart with:
Melissa Writer Richard Smith Sentenced =
His career ended within strict slammers.

Ernesto Guiraldes with:
The winter solstice holiday =
In Chile's hot today! I swelter.

Jaybur with:
No fit shelter =
The First Noel.

Meyran Kraus with:
Comic Actress Madeline Kahn Dies =
I halt on cancer-sick dame's demise.

Tom Myers with:
Mars Probe silent =
Retains problems.

Tom Myers with:
The Christmas Story =
Crass theorist: myth!

Tom Myers with:
Mudslides =
Slums died.


1st - Richard Grantham with:
Roses are red
Violets are blue =
Beavers? I'd leer -
Arses rule, too!

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Aribu Publication Enterprises =
Lubricate penis. Put biro in arse.

eq.3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
"If you offered me a 69 this morning, I'd have been all over you."
Feel me come feverish if nibble at my sac, hard boner.
Tongue drool for your vagina.

eq.3rd - Earle Jones with:
Homosexuality =
O, oil my exhaust.

Daniel F. Etter with:
Asleep in the hay =
Then I lay a sheep.

Don P. Fortier with:
Treponema Pallidum =
Meat up? Peril, old man.

Linda Garrett with:
Genitals are Rude =
Large nude? I stare!

Richard Grantham with:
Castration =

Richard Grantham with:
Rams the ~

Tom Myers with:
While an ugly mug, ~
I'm a well hung guy!

Graham Perkins with:
Fucking in Heaven =
Funk given a niche.

Mick Tully with:
Spontaneous combustion =
So, bean consumption's out?

Mick Tully with:
Pointless =
Lost penis.


1st - Richard Grantham with:
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Are you in a rut? Dead bored? Or just a sadarse? Read on and learn...
I've found a great new way to party while YOU pay an arm and a leg to visit shite websites! It's easy, cheap (for me) and almost completely legal! Do you ever get anything from me? No! All just $399 down!
Puzzled? Here's my plan:
While you are off surfing, I will visit your house and FUCK YOUR GRANDMOTHER! That's right! And her arse, hard! The dear old bat won't know WHAT'S hit her rear end!
And for a dazzling encore, I'll root two or 3 guinea pigs! I've been fondling a Cavia porcellus ever since '93. Just try not to vomit at the view of me arse-fucking a poor rodent!

For more information:


2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
YOU WANT IT ..... WE GOT IT .... ALL HERE - E V E R Y T H I N G !!


To low-duty buttholes:
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
The world will be better if you didn't exist:
Where I read my messages without 161,000 lists...
Where Spam is beef...
Where children experience life, not torture...
Where twits get offed and go with god...
Where there is peace.


3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
Dear friend:
Please to Free Sex Links if you are over 21. There almost updata everyday. A lot of adult pictures wait for you to download. I will settle any pazzle under 24 hours when that server arise mistake.


Dear Lazy Fat-Ass,

Dude, I've enrolled you in the next "How to Write a Real Letter" class, freakish spam-lover! Don't E-ver write me a word until you pass -- I.E.: a far off year like 2421, stupid putz!!
You're hated a ton, LOSER!!!


Don P. Fortier with:
If you are familiar with the design of counter, guestbook, search engine, flash and you want to earn more money, please visit our company web page and provide your comments. If we found your comments unique, you will be employed to be our part time web designer.

We are your best cyber index...


We do not want web designers, we're loony fucking spammers. If we're not performing our queer incestuous rituals, we're playing with our computer to annoy someone. Try oral sex upon a chubby beaver instead? Fine... you got a beaver?

My head's become firmly imbedded up my anal orifice...
(Do you get the idea?)



1st - Larry Brash with:
On the Twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.


I've anagrammed:
Twenty-three assorted birds (no wrens),
Seventeen attractive, if slim, young women (all giggling virgins),
Twenty-three amplified musicians ("The Mime Prodigies"),
Ten lavish upper-class gentlemen (all mad springing freaks),
Five pure gold rings for a hand (no lead),
And even eight cows (real mixed-up herd).


eq.2nd - Richard Brodie with:
My son, eat thou honey, because it is good;
and the honeycomb, which is sweet to thy taste.
Oh, you wish candy? Chew on this tasty goo made by bees.
Hesitate not, oh teeth; consume it!


eq.2nd - Linda Garrett with:
What is the answer to life the universe and everything? =
The Darwin Theory. (If ET's alien genes survive, what then?)


David Bourke with:
The tennis player Tiger Tim Henman, and Miss Lucy Heald =
Spy lady, run in, smile, hit line, net her... game, set and match!


Jon Gearhart with:
Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells
And pretty maids all in a row.
Mandy, Mandy oh so dandy
In beaver, all cocks surely grow
My swelled part well in her tart
So a rich arrow-squirt I let go!


Ernesto Guiraldes with:
"We are not prepared to stand idly by and be murdered in our beds." =
Odd war sermon by noted dread nut Ian Paisley perturbed breed.


Meyran Kraus with:
Alas, poor Yorick!


Janet Muggeridge with:
Haddock fillet in lager batter with sauté potatoes and fresh vegetables =
Wrap beer-basted fish. Lodge it in heated fat. Love the taste! Log ultra-snack.



1st - David Bourke with:
Elvis Aaron Presley =
Seen alive? Sorry, pal!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
American President John Fitzgerald Kennedy =
Crazy sniper named Lee ended JFK? No, ain't right.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Graeme Stirling =
Girlie garments.

David Bourke with:
Anne, The Princess Royal =
Pinnacle: Ran horsey set.

David Bourke with:
Rowan Sebastian Atkinson =
I, an artist, so known as "Bean".

Geraldine Compton with:
Daniel F. Etter =
Fat, elite nerd.

Emma Dinoulis with:
Christine Hamilton =
Hitler in macintosh.

Johnnie Burning Elk with:
Geraldine Compton =
Prominent co-ed gal.

Daniel F. Etter with:
Ayatolla Wiener Dog =
Idea! Anal orgy towel!

Meyran Kraus with:
Christina Aguilera =
I air a rich gal's tune.

ID Letterman with:
Steve Forbes =
Beefs voters.

Graham Perkins with:
Kevin and Samantha, those monkeys in the PG Tips ads =
Oh my! He shot kind apes in vests and pants making tea!

David James Polewka with:
Virginia Bottomley =
"I got my love -- Britain!"

Mick Tully with:
Geraldine Compton =
Organ in - completed!


1st - David Bourke with:
The Houses Of Parliament =
Top man here's a foul shite.

2nd - Will Quayle with:
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch =
Loony Gwill polling craggy Welsh town: froggy ally drag? blown chilly!

3rd - Janet Muggeridge with:
The South Pole =
Use to help hot.

Janet Muggeridge with:
Tesco Millenium Champagne =
The Maim Spelling Acumen Co.


1st - Janet Muggeridge with:
Penis enlargement =
Pleasing men enter.
Gel earn semen pint.
Leering, pant, "semen!"
Men, preen genitals.
Sneer, ample gent in.

2nd - Daniel F. Etter with:
I've got my period =
My pit! I've red goo!
Pity mood. Grieve.
Gory pee? I'd vomit!

3rd - Tom Myers with:
She's a looker =
Loose? Ask her!
Arse hole's OK.
Hooker's sale.
Sores heal OK.
OK, he's a loser.

Kevin Hale with:
Arsonists of the world - Ignite! =
Doing fire station - Worthless!
Firelighters now do stations!
Oldest towns - hot fire-raising!
Fire-raising's led to hot towns!


1st - Mike Keith with:
No by Thomas Hood


2nd - Richard Brodie with:
For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given


3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
To the Holy Spirit


David Bourke with:
[100 Cliff Richard songs, anagrammed (in order) into an interview with the man.]

Help It Along
Mistletoe And Wine
Peace In Our Time
In The Country
Be With Me Always
Carrie (Doesn't Live Here Anymore)
Goodbye Sam Hello Samantha
Power To All Our Friends
From A Distance
Please Don't Tease
The Minute You're Gone
I Just Don't Have The Heart
Do You Wanna Dance?
Wind Me Up Let Me Go
When The Girl In Your Arms Is The Girl In Your Heart
Please Don't Fall In Love
I'm Nearly Famous
With The Eyes Of A Child
Time Drags By
You Keep Me Hanging On
Big Ship
Where Do We Go From Here?
My Pretty One
We Should Be Together
Living In Harmony
A Little In Love
Good Times
Throw Down A Line
Sunny Honey Girl
Don't Talk To Him
Don't Forget To Catch Me
Healing Love
On The Beach
Devil Woman
The Young Ones
Green Light
Two Hearts
Little Town
The Miracle
Wired For Sound
Heart User
Theme For A Dream
Stronger Than That
Move It
The Millennium Prayer
Misunderstood Man
Ain't Got Time Anymore
Blue Turns To Grey
This New Year
Miss You Nights
(It's So Funny How) We Don't Talk Anymore
Summer Holiday
It's In Every One Of Us
Can't Keep This Feeling In
Schoolboy Crush
Flying Machine
Some People
Human Work Of Art
My Kinda Life
Baby You're Dynamite
The Only Way Out
The Time In Between
A Girl Like You
Sing A Song Of Freedom
It's All Over
Never Say Die
I Still Believe In You
Honky Tonk Angel
More To Life
Lucky Lips
Nine Times Out Of Ten
It's Only Me You've Left Behind
The Day I Met Marie
Daddy's Home
It's All In The Game
I'm The Lonely One
On My Word
Fall In Love With You
Hey Mister Dream Maker
She's So Beautiful
I'll Come Running
Just Another Guy
I Can't Ask For Anything More Than You
Brand New Song
I'm Lookin' Out The Window
Voice In The Wilderness
Shooting From The Heart
I Could Easily Fall In Love With You
Mean Streak
Best Of Me
True Love Ways
I Love You
I'll Love You Forever Today
Silvery Rain


Plight: Alone? Anti-women set? Idle? Or piece-a-minute?
(Cunt, in theory. Salami, we bet! Why?
- Every 'romance' ironhearted lies!
A lonely homo? Shag-mad beast? Or lewd urinals-poofter?
Fornicates? Mad? A needless teapot, yet true genuine homo?
Or just 'that deviant', eh eh? A no-way dud? A nonce?
Er... in a man? Up women? Let me dig:

- "Hi!" - "Hi!" - "What are you into?
The girls? In men, surely?" - "Grrr!"

- "Love plan?" - "Deflate loins - I'm a 'yourself' man.
Face it, wed, eh? Holy shit!"

- "May get birds, eg: a genuine nympho, OK? Big hips..."

- "Who, me? We're here for God. Leg? Na! Try-on type, me?
Er, lust? Be wet, eh? Oh God! In, virgin holy man?
To tell evil, I? Na! God is, to me, worth own denial.
Hey! Nuns in glory! (Hank O.T.T., I'm told).
Met for chant to God, etc."

- "Hole-leaving nob-cheat, eh? View almond?
Tongue honeys? Gent? Girl? Eh?"

- "Twats? Oh, er... well, not tit! Erm, a clit, eh?
A 'no' to a girl's cunt ("@#%£" if no rude words!).

- "Rather Sue?"

- "Made for her, mate!"

- "No tart?" - "Ah, strength!"

- "Motive? Ride man? Helmet in, in rump-relay?
Sordid anus moment? Man-eating, yet rim too?
Bog-nutter, surely? Hey! Answer it!"

- (Hiss): "My! Outings! Sodomy's then. Now, fortunately, I wank!
I'm lousy, me!" - "Hard?"

- "Yes. If I've sore nut, no. A fickle penis gent, then, I."

- "Shh! Occurs by loo? A-fly-mincing, eh?"

- "Loo peeps, me? Hotel suites, for... urm... a hot wank!"
(A milky fiend) "...I buy rentboy-a-day, me!"

- To lay new youth? Teen white men, I bet!
"OK..." I lure gaily ", offering me gonads?
Vilest oral? I deserve any? Let us in, vile boy!" I lie.

- "OK! Yank on length! Fire me tool... spill yuck!
Funtime! (Too intense!). Hey, I'm so foul!" (Bent, evidently).

- "Hey, mate! I AM tired. My head's odd!"

- "Ahem! Isn't it legal?"

- "Only one helmet, I... my own rod."

- "O, fun! Why, I love it all! My! Make the arse rim red!
See this? Fabulous! Column in... linger.
Hurt anus, get joy! Oooh, stay in, man!
Try fucking!" - "Er, nah, ta!" (Snag: Brown end).

- "OK! wild new homo tuition? Intensive lewd heroics?
Orgasm, then hit the roof? Love fellatio, oui?
Why, I'll scud in ya! Eat snake, Mr! Be soft, me?
Lay over us, wet! Oui, lovey? To lay over you, lover?"

I fled! Virile yarns... may it end.


Meyran Kraus with:
Temple of the Dog: Wooden Jesus


Tom Myers with:
On the first date =
Fed, not his treat.

On the second date =
Consented to head.

On the next three dates =
Ate, then hot tender sex.

On the last date =
Stale: done that!


Larry Tapper with:
[A letter to his friend Paul Macintyre with a few dozen anagrams on his name.]

A rude pal,

I got 'my peculiar tan' at 'unreality camp'. You can go there too if you have 'a lunacy permit' and 'a truly nice map'.

At the 'unreality camp' zoo, a 'truly manic ape', an 'impala century', and 'a mule in a crypt'. The keepers mainly capture some 'cur-type animal'. You can see 'a ram tup nicely' and 'tip a curly mane', or 'a lamprey cut in' to 'tire a puny clam'. A 'pelican may rut'.

Now that I've learned to 'panic maturely', I am certainly up to helping 'my captain rule' the 'late Punic army'.

'Cry a minute, pal'! 'At my place, ruin'; behind 'my pale curtain', 'a mute, lyric Pan'.

A 'PC luminary ate' 'a nice plum tray'. 'Prune calamity'! 'Et il y a un cramp', n'est-ce pas?

There'll be a 'real CPA mutiny' if 'my plain curate' demands a 'curial payment'.

'I'm a party uncle'! 'Many a liter cup'! 'Trump a nice lay' 'in a lumpy crate'!

'Picture, layman': can 'a cruel tympani' 'map a lyric tune'? Or 'a tympanic lure' 'impel a truancy'? 'Impart any clue'.

'Me a culprit? Nay'! 'Cite my lupanar'? 'Pray culminate', 'ye calm Puritan'! 'Calumny, I prate!' 'Typical manure'!

Sorry I seen Lucy,

E. Paltry Parr


Mick Tully with:
[Every limerick has one anagram - the words in 'single quotes'.]

Our Parliamentary system's the best
Our MPs, they fight on our behest
But they don't cross swords
Within 'The House of Lords'
Because it is the 'Household of Rest!'

The Left has had enough baloney
From Blair and his Mandelson crony
They won't stand any nonsense
At 'The Labour Party Conference'
So, let's: 'act clean. Probe "Fuehrer" Tony!'

Our politicians, as one they yearn
For awards that they sure think they earn
But I thought I was pissed
When 'The New Year's Honours List':
Anagrammed, 'Whose tiny arseholes turn?'

It was a slick slogan quite fair
To re-brand our Country he dare
'Cool Britannia': he boast,
Always beats a Beef roast.
But the Tories said: "'No action, Blair?'"

They piss-up and wreck many saloons
They're a bunch of gin-sodden goons
When topering at their local pub
'Wasps Rugby Union Football Club':
Are: 'Foul lusty pub-crawling baboons.'

A Kensington copper, he had to grab
Dennis Wise who was giving it the gab
He staggered from the pub,
Singing: "'Chelsea Football Club?'
It equals: 'Foul local? He belts cab!'"

A mad Frenchman, he inflicted big dents
On a fan's head when he took some offence
He said: "You must see,
'Manchester United FC':
Anagrams to 'Match intrudes fence!'"

After spanking a hooligan runt
In that infamous Selhurst Park stunt
'Manchester United FC'
Took a dim view of his spree
But he objected: "'I'm teased: "French cunt!'"

That great concrete post they nearly missed
But speed, the driver would insist
She didn't know he was on ales
For 'Diana, Princess of Wales'
Became: 'Fine car? Alas, now pissed.'

Many mouthfuls of jizz she had to spit
On that spotless white Oval Office Carpet
When intern got the washing done
At 'The White House Washington'
She thought: "'Oh wow! He's that genuine shit!'"


\r\rThe Anagrammy Awards\r