FEBRUARY 2004 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2004


THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Pure animal lust =
Natural impulse.

2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
A perfectionist =
I often practise.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
An appointment diary
Pop in at any darn time.

David Bourke with:
Unlimited internet access =
True, it can entice "mindless"!

Larry Brash with:
MAKE CASH FAST! =
SHAM! FAKE! SCAT!

Joe Fathallah with:
Multinational corporations =
Air-pollution contaminators.

Joe Fathallah with:
Multinational corporations =
Rural topsoil contamination.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Mysterious creature =
Creates 'Yeti' rumours.

Jesse Frankovich with:
The rotating Equator =
Torque to giant Earth.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Deceased person =
Dead corpse seen.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Random Access Memory =
Modems can carry some.

GOLDFERN with:
"Ignorance is bliss" ~
is a glib corniness.

Toby Gottfried with:
Scored a ten?
Second-rate!

Toby Gottfried with:
Bathroom cleaners =
Rats, no more bleach!

Toby Gottfried with:
Emergency room
Mercy me! No gore!

Richard Grantham with:
Multinational corporations =
Criminal plot to roast a union.

Adrian Hickford with:
Release during an ~
adrenaline surge.

Adrian Hickford with:
A common slip of the tongue =
e.g. clamp one's foot in mouth.

Adrian Hickford with:
When in Rome do as the Romans do =
Oh, so I'd order a new month's name?

Meyran Kraus with:
A Southern Wedding =
Dad is the gun owner.

Meyran Kraus with:
The first Tuesday of November =
US voters benefit from the day.

Paul Lusch with:
Deadly nightshade =
...and he died. Ghastly!

Paul Lusch with:
Winter weather conditions =
I enter tornadic white snow.

Paul Lusch with:
Hospital patient =
The palpitations.

Paul Lusch with:
Endocrine system =
Send my secretion.

Allan Morley with:
Absent without leave =
I vote we shun a battle.

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Adios, amigos =
I go, so I am sad.

rainwalker with:
Seasonal Affective Disorder =
I face vile frost-season dread.

Hans-Peter Reich with:
Love letters =
To tell verse.

Rozrat with:
Premature senility =
Retire. Inept. Asylum.

Rozrat with:
I dominate ~
a timid one.

Rozrat with:
Executive decision? =
Decisive execution!

View with:
Triumphal procession =
Lionise & support march.

View with:
Spermicide =
I crimp seed.

View with:
Egalitarian =
Anti-regalia.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Adrian Hickford with:
"On the Origin of Species" by Charles Darwin =
Chronicle brings new ideas of ape history.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Mona Lisa painting =
An enigma is on that lip.

3rd - Toby Gottfried with:
The Oscar goes to... ~
those actor egos.

David Bourke with:
The late Pablo Casals =
A passable cello, that!

Jesse Frankovich with:
A dramatic scene =
Scared at cinema!

Jesse Frankovich with:
The Oscar award ceremony
We named each sorry actor.

Toby Gottfried with:
The Ed Sullivan Show =
Elvis had us howl "Ten!".

Toby Gottfried with:
Best Picture of the Year =
Oh, yes, a perfect tribute.

Toby Gottfried with:
The Passion of the Christ =
Screen hit of this pathos.

Adrian Hickford with:
"On the Origin of the Species" by Charles Darwin =
Sincerely high-brow historian of ape descent.

Adrian Hickford with:
The Passion of the Christ =
Respects this faith? Oh, no!

Paul Lusch with:
Psychedelic rock =
Check dope lyrics.

Paul Lusch with:
Monica, Chandler, Ross, Rachel, Joey, and Phoebe =
Jolly companions share cheer, ache, and/or bed.

Hans-Peter Reich with:
The Mystery Writers of America's "Edgar" =
Yes, their award system for great crime!

sundogg99 with:
"Bond... James Bond." =
Damn job's on bed!

View with:
Oscar statue =
To ace US star.

Alan Yoshioka with:
The Descent of Man
Them facts on Eden.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Don P. Fortier with:
The Passion of the Christ =
His fine path to the cross.

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The Saint Valentine's Day Flowers =
Ladies instantly fawn over these.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The American President George 'Dubya' Bush =
Can he snub this deep gay urge to be married?

Jesse Frankovich with:
The NASA Rover Missions =
Or, these 'Mars invasions.'

Jesse Frankovich with:
Two-Thousand and Four Election =
Final count does throw out Dean.

Jesse Frankovich with:
The dream in most NASA men is to plan ~
a manned mission to the planet Mars.

Toby Gottfried with:
Bush faces record deficit =
I, Shrub accede; credit's off.

Toby Gottfried with:
Absent without leave? Moi? =
Sow the lie about Vietnam.

Adrian Hickford with:
Tony Blair to resign ~
or stay in bit longer?

Meyran Kraus with:
Bush Agrees To An Inquiry Into Flawed WMD Claim =
I commended that awful war on Iraq by using lies!

Meyran Kraus with:
A same-gender wedding ceremony =
As gay men decided on new merger.

ID Letterman with:
Mission not accomplished =
Con man. Polished stoicism.

Paul Lusch with:
Constitutional ban on gay marriage =
A lesbian union? Gag! Am contrary to it!

Rozrat with:
Saint Valentine's Day Card =
Dial-a-verse, instant candy.

Chris Sturdy with:
Brian, Lord Hutton =
No, don't hurt Blair!


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Bare breast on television =
Observable tit seen on air!

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
A Penthouse centrefold =
Perfect hot nude on sale.

3rd - View with:
The chain of orgasms =
Soft screaming: "Oh!"..."Ah!"

David Bourke with:
Nailing to the cross =
Christ's elongation.

Larry Brash with:
Really loud farts =
Try full arse load.

Joe Fathallah with:
Valentine's Day =
Steven in a lady!

Adrian Hickford with:
The magazine centrefold =
Men gaze at end of her clit.

Meyran Kraus with:
Repletion =
Let one rip!

Allan Morley with:
Premarital sex =
Primates relax.

Hans-Peter Reich with:
The bathroom tissue =
Oh, here's a moist butt!


THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
Prime Minister Tony Blair =
I misreport interminably.

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
American President George 'Dubya' Bush =
"Impure gays cannot be brides," he argued.

3rd - Paul Lusch with:
Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan =
A real learned finance man. Reveres graphs.

David Bourke with:
Michael Bentine =
An imbecile, then?

Larry Brash with:
Feminist author Naomi Wolf =
If I'm foul on that womaniser.

Larry Brash with:
Supreme Truth Cult leader, Shoko Asahara =
Ah, lock up that asshole as a true murderer!

Toby Gottfried with:
President Robert Mugabe =
Robbers gutted an empire.

Adrian Hickford with:
American talk show host Jay Leno =
Late chairman only has two jokes.

Meyran Kraus with:
The UK Prime Minister, Anthony Charles Lynton Blair =
Ah, I'm most certainly like partner Bush, only thinner!

Paul Pan with:
President John F Kerry =
JFK pretender is horny!

View with:
Singer Maria Callas =
Screaming all arias.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - View with:
The Titanic disaster =
Death, it starts in ice.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences =
Conducted that ceremony as its praise of cinema.

3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Albert Einstein's theory of relativity =
Able to fit entire on T-shirt very easily.

David Bourke with:
Motor Neurone Disease =
Dementia? So erroneous.

David Bourke with:
'The Royal National Institute for Deaf People' =
See litany of: "Eh? Pardon? Too faint! Er, up a little!"

Jesse Frankovich with:
The American Mathematical Society =
Each may *claim* a theorem. I can test it.

Toby Gottfried with:
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences =
Cues that may decide perfect Oscar nominations.

Toby Gottfried with:
The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre =
That easy crime and seven sat slain.

Adrian Hickford with:
Institute for Genomic Research =
Our strange scientific theorem.

Hans-Peter Reich with:
The Encyclopaedia Britannica =
Capable dictionary. Enhance it!

Rozrat with:
The Style Invitational =
It has lively attention.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Director Peter Jackson's 'The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring' =
First of three long hits which respect the prose of long-dead J.R.R. Tolkien.

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
"On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection" =
Confirm that Genesis One's a cretinous pile of baloney.

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The baring of Janet Jackson's right breast during the Super Bowl Halftime Show =
Justin Timberlake (Star? Ha!) whips off her bra; the world objects, tongues hanging.

David Bourke with:
Trevor Phillips, the Head of the Commission for Racial Equality =
All impartiality, he hopes to conquer the horrid evil of fascism.

Larry Brash with:
The Goons, Peter Sellers, Spike Milligan and Harry Secombe. =
I'll see them playing these berserk roles or in madcap song.

Richard Brodie with:
Gay and lesbian homosexual couples are getting married in San Francisco.=
Chronic California madness augurs legal bigamy is next. No one separated!

Toby Gottfried with:
I think that I shall never see, A poem lovely as a tree=
Man sells a poetry line I like: have to save the earth.

Richard Grantham with:
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch =
What cloying, lowly, forlornly craggy, lip-bogglingly long Welsh drawl!

David A. Green with:
Valentine Heywood's "British Titles: The Use and Misuse of the Titles of Peers and Commoners; with Some Historical Notes" =
I see Horrid Stretchy Pus is in dilemma, no, over Hutton's toffee-nosed name. So let's see: is it not best to call him "Whitewash"?

Adrian Hickford with:
Thought is the blossom; language the bud; action the fruit behind. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson=
Oil is the helpful root; inland combat a tough stem; and in death, the shrub. -- George W. Bush

Adrian Hickford with:
I think that I shall never see, A poem lovely as a tree =
As I hate empty verse, I venerate all oaks on the hill.

Adrian Hickford with:
Word Ways, the Journal of Recreational Linguistics =
The Dictionary of Curious Wits, (learn Jargon as well)

Paul Lusch with:
The Beatles' first appearance on "The Ed Sullivan Show" forty years ago =
Band creates a sensation at theatre of happy, feverous girls who yell

Paul Lusch with:
National Guardsman charged with trying to pass military secrets to Islamic militant group =
Sting caught disloyal white GI planning to impart American data to scary Muslim terrorists

View with:
Word Ways,the Journal of Recreational Linguistics =
New English laudation,acrostics or rare joyful wit.


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Toby Gottfried with:
Fourscore and seven years ago,
our fathers brought forth
on this continent a new nation,
conceived in liberty and dedicated
to the proposition that all men
are created equal.
-- A. Lincoln
=
Last year I listened to internal people,
and invaded Iraq to overthrow that Hussein character.
France ranted.   Fine.
It's about free oil --
no connection to democracy.
Don't no-one laugh.
-- G. Bush

 

2nd - David Bourke with:
Fourscore and seven years ago,
our fathers brought forth
on this continent a new nation,
conceived in liberty and dedicated
to the proposition that all men
are created equal.
-- A. Lincoln
=
Today, I have created for the nation,
a New Labour cult of overloaded spin,
cheating and deception, sheer arrogant
conceit, moronic nonsense, half-truths
and quite rotten lies.
-- Tony Blair

 

3rd - Larry Brash with:
"Like anybody, I would like to live a long life; longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And he's allowed me to go up to the mountain, and I've looked over, and I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land."

=

Outgoing, wise, devoted to civil rights ideology, Martin Luther King's last known ominous speech, led up to his inevitable death out on a motel balcony in Memphis.

He, too, now walked out into the Valley of Death, only to die, to be gunned down and killed by a white puppet, tattooed twit, wanted outlaw, James Earl Ray.

All to gain vote, now!

 

Adrian Hickford with:
I will give my loyalty to the United Kingdom and respect its rights and freedoms. I will uphold its democratic values. I will observe its laws faithfully and fulfil my duties and obligations as a British citizen
=
I will not:
Avoid Prime Minister Tony Blair's lucid political talks
Mindlessly vandalise stuff
Say: "Bigot!"
Do childish, unlawful, misguided things
Lament the awful frigid weather
Destabilize society
Vote Tory

 

David Bourke with:
Two sharks were in the Atlantic and one says
'I'm sick of eating tuna'. The other replies
'Fancy going to Morecambe for a Chinese?'
=
Oh no! Sick, hateful right-wing racism by someone
(the Tory MP Ann Winterton) seen after Asian cockle
death. A great fiasco, I see.

 


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

eq.1st - Richard Grantham with:
Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet =
Rainbow to relieve direly long deluge gone.

[This anagram has a twist: each word has been carefully selected so that it can be made up entirely of letters from different colours, e.g. there is no word that has both (B & U) or (Y & W), which would require two letters from 'blue' and 'yellow' respectively. This, rather satisfyingly, applies to the word 'rainbow' itself:

     Red
   orAnge
     Indigo
 greeN
     Blue
   viOlet
yelloW



With the result that the entire anagram can be presented as a cascading, twisted rainbow:]

 

eq.1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Ten things you didn't know:

1. Frying pan fumes can kill canaries, according to the Worldwide Fund for Nature.

2. Bill Clinton sent just two e-mails while he was president.

3. Ken Livingstone, the mayor of London, has got solar panels fitted on the roof of his Cricklewood home.

4. Whales can explode - a dead sperm whale this week exploded in Taiwan, showering blood and body parts on passers-by. Marine biologists blamed it on a build-up of gases inside the whale.

5. More than a quarter of UK households have no savings, according to statistics revealed this week.

6. Pets will be eligible for frequent flier points on Japanese airline JAL from March. The points will be exchangeable for cage rentals on board, as well as gifts.

7. The man who invented Ctrl+Alt+Delete retired on Friday. David Bradley, 55, spent five minutes writing the computer code that has helped bail out millions of PC users, while working for IBM in the 1980s. "I may have invented it, but Bill Gates made it famous," Bradley said.

8. 70% of mobile phone owners in the UK have pre-pay models.

9. Cunning bargain hunters are roaming Ebay looking for misspelled goods which attract hardly any bids because they don't turn up in text searches. One man bought three Compaq laptops at a pittance simply by asking for "Compacts" instead.

10. Brits drank 35% more champagne in bars and pubs in 2003 than in the year before.

=

Ten things that are blindingly obvious:

1. Eight out of ten sophisticated cannibals think late German towns-people taste better.

2. Regardless of wunderkind heart-throb Johnny Depp's distinguished performance, and the wonderful fight scenes within, "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Legend of the Black Pearl" is not quite as good as most people think.

3. Bird-spotters (or twitchers) are quite dull, especially when waxing lyrical about waxwings or whip-poor-wills (which are related to goat-suckers).

4. Decaffeinated coffee is an oxymoron. It is also a flavour-free, unjustifiable, damnable and wretched drink.

5. Udders (cow-boobs) are downright odd; milking cows using one's hands feels fantastic, and the cows like it, too, no doubt.

6. The shrewd, inventive Professor Colin Pillinger (who is still hoping to hear back from embattled Beagle II, abandoned on Martian earth) has incredible, offensive, unfathomably over-developed sideburns.

7. A 'quintillion' is an elephantine, mammoth number. (That's a momentous lot of pachyderm.)

8. Bloated plungers who demonstrate undisciplined belly-flopping will earn few diving medals at the Athens Olympics.

9. 85570039 is exactly divisible by 53.

10. "The Royal Shakespeare Company" is an anagram of "One may appear there as Shylock"; composed by Meyran Kraus in June 2001, this won best overall anagram in the Grand Anagrammies.

 

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Smart

 

Jesse Frankovich with:
THE FREEMAN INSTITUTE

A number of organizations have utilized Dr. Joel Freeman's services as an Anger Management / Stress Management Coach. They view it as an investment in key employees/associates. The reasons for investing in a valued key employee may vary. In some situations, it may be viewed as a last-ditch effort to salvage a stellar career that has been tarnished by:

1) an outburst of rage
2) a sexually-inappropriate gesture or comment
3) a racist, prejudicial remark

These types of situations may be referred to as CID -- "Critical Incident Debriefings."

ADVANTAGES
It will enhance his/her personal leadership skills, abilities and understanding.
It provides a gentle accountability for personal growth.
It will provide new, fresh direction -- objectivity.
It will enhance his/her promotion potential.

The following CID Program is an effective two and a half month, ten-hour personalized plan that has worked for many satisfied key employees:

First two hours - Dr. Freeman meets with the key employee in the Baltimore/Washington region or there are special travel arrangements. This personal meeting helps to establish rapport and mutual understanding. The presenting issues are discussed. A few profiles are administered and an action plan is developed. Everything discussed is held in strict confidentiality.

Depending upon the situation, sometimes Dr. Freeman travels and sometimes the key employee travels to the Baltimore/Washington region for the initial consultation. Many organizations have a bricks and mortar presence in the Washington, DC area that can be utilized for such a meeting.
For eight weeks thereafter the key employee and Dr. Freeman meet for an hour over the phone. The total coaching process is ten hours over approximately two and a half months. The secret of success is the saturation in leadership principles over a sustained period of time, combined with gentle accountability and the respect that is earned by both parties.

=

Howard Dean fits the description of a man in desperate need of some serious stress management.

This fact was clearly evident following his weak performance in Iowa. While allegedly intending to merely emphasize his overall perseverance (and his ambitious commitment to visit Texas! Kansas! Arizona! Pennsylvania! and Alaska!), people criticized his character after his shocking and spectacularly inappropriate rant, demonstrating disapproval of his crazed and over-the-top frenzy.

As a prospective White House resident aspiring to represent the Democratic Party in opposing George W. Bush, the ill-tempered Dean could vastly benefit from the Freeman Institute's assistance. And since Howard fancies securing a job in the Washington, DC area, Dr. Freeman can meet him many more times than average -- for as long as it takes to cure that explosive volatility.

Given the impressive performance in the primaries by rival Senator John Kerry, it is likely that the berserk tirade has ruined Governor Dean's entire presidential nomination campaign. Nevertheless, downtrodden as he is, he must seek professional help -- even if just to avoid being committed. The suffering must end here!

Unimaginable as it seems to most Americans, we at the Freeman Institute can easily envision a calmer Howard Dean. In order to assure such a peaceable transition -- from heated, incoherent wrath to totally happy thoughts -- an introductory encounter is needed as soon as possible. Regrettably, it may be a difficult challenge to sort out a proper date, given his full itinerary. But once it is arranged, the foolproof weekly counter-hysterics therapy will start at long last. Thereafter, strengthened by repeated encouragement, Dean will be rehabilitated!

List of Freeman Institute Testimonials:

"I have achieved eight months entirely ear-biting-free"
--Mike Tyson

"Absolutely worthwhile. Outstanding!"
-- That Insane Post Office Employee

"It beats my spider hole hideout." -- Saddam Hussein

 


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