JULY 2005 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2005


THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Toby Gottfried with:
Spaghetti & meatballs =
Best light pasta meal.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The newly divorcing =
End love with crying.

3rd - rainwalker with:
Charity event =
Very nice, that.

4th - Rosie Perera with:
The archaeological survey =
They go shovel crucial area.

David Bourke with:
Caller display =
ID-spy: All-clear!

Larry Brash with:
Drug and alcohol rehabilitation =
Addiction: Long health or a burial?

Tony Crafter with:
Indigestible =
Gist: inedible.

Tony Crafter with:
Sue for divorce =
Corrosive feud.

Tony Crafter with:
Lies built ~
libel suit.

Tony Crafter with:
Rheumatoid arthritis =
The trauma; it is horrid.

Tony Crafter with:
Kleptomania =
I'm on take, pal!

Dan Fortier with:
Hear cancer's getting bad? =
Change cigarette brands!

Foxboy with:
A Silver medalist
Lad seems trivial.

Adrian Hickford with:
Industrial espionage =
Purloin (as in 'get') ideas.

Meyran Kraus with:
The pseudo-intellectual =
He tells platitude on cue.

Dean Mayer with:
Be most tired if ~
it's time for bed.

Dean Mayer with:
Brilliance
Calibre - nil.

Dean Mayer with:
First across the line =
Finish race - rest lost.

Dean Mayer with:
Making lots of noise ~
so folk get insomnia.

Rosie Perera with:
Thus saith the Lord, ~
as he told his truth.

Rosie Perera with:
Intolerance ~
ran election.

Rosie Perera with:
The cause of postpartum depression =
A specious father doesn't support me.

Rosie Perera with:
Age of Enlightenment =
Faith gone, gentlemen.

Rosie Perera with:
Some traffic accidents ~
affect car's midsection.

Rosie Perera with:
Slight twinge if ~
lifting weights.


Rosie Perera with:
Cheesy grin =
Cheery sign.

Rosie Perera with:
Bilateral talks =
All a battle risk.

Rosie Perera with:
Thou shalt not bear false witness. =
Assertion: Be honest; that's lawful.

Rosie Perera with:
A punishment =
Am shut in pen.

Rosie Perera with:
Lightning never strikes twice
Lengthening, it revisits wreck.

Rik with:
An expert in problem solving =
Most perplexing, novel brain.

Rik with:
Brain cell stimulation =
Sum total in brilliance.

Rick Rothstein with:
Sees worst in ~
news stories.

Rick Rothstein with:
Data encryption =
Pity... cannot read.

Rick Rothstein with:
A Presidential Election =
In point, I select a leader.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Bilateral talks =
Risk all at table.

View with:
Smooth-talking swine =
One's milking that sow.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Toby Gottfried with:
A Steven Spielberg film: "War of the Worlds" =
H.G. Wells: Beware of visits from Red Planet.

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
My name is Bond... James Bond. =
Enjoys madmen... and bimbos.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Claude Oscar Monet, "Tulip Fields in Holland" =
Laud oil painter's scene of an old Dutch mill.

Tony Crafter with:
The 'Death Wish' movies =
Wham! Shot thieves die.

Tony Crafter with:
Actress Jane Fonda's autobiography: 'My Life So Far' =
Enjoys baring a famous (if a foolhardy) secret past.

Ellie Dent with:
Venus de Milo (Aphrodite of Melos) =
Nude: hope I'm loved if armless, too.

Scott Gardner with:
"Monty Python's Spamalot," by Eric Idle =
My all-British pop comedy nets a Tony!

David A. Green with:
'Little Lord Fauntleroy' by Frances Hodgson Burnett =
Tell story of ennobled young runt left rich. Bastard!

Adrian Hickford with:
The private detective Sherlock Holmes =
Thieves plot racket... He solved the crime!

Meyran Kraus with:
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince =
For the child or, pardonably, the parent.

Dean Mayer with:
"We Shall Not Be Moved"
Mob leaves when told.

Rosie Perera with:
Theatres =
Sat there.

Don Rogers with:
Stanley Kowalski =
"Okay," winks Stella.

Rik with:
Beware of Count Dracula in Transylvania =
In a way, nocturnal bat can desire flavour.

Rick Rothstein with:
Private detective Sherlock Holmes =
Top crime solver, he tackled thieves.

View with:
Great Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" ~
or versed Italian man's "La Gioconda".


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Iraq oil + arms trade =
Al-Qaida terrorism.

2nd - Mike Keith with:
Fourth of July weekends in America =
Joyful anthem, audience, fireworks.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
The National Sex Offender Public Registry =
Benefit? Alert young children of ex-rapists.

David Bourke with:
The G-Eight meeting in Gleneagles, Scotland =
"Och, a little egg, nested in haggis, gentlemen?"

David Bourke with:
The London suicide-bomb outrages =
Demolish once good bus, tube train.

Tony Crafter with:
London to host the Olympic Games =
Tally-ho! I'd chosen Poms to get NOM!

Tony Crafter with:
The London suicide-bomb outrages =
Discontinue gruesome blood-bath!

Joe Fathallah with:
Globalisation =
To gas a billion.

Toby Gottfried with:
Venus Williams beats Lindsay Davenport ~
as valiant lady puts in Wimbledon serves.

Toby Gottfried with:
Bastille Day, the Fourteenth of July =
Date they fully fete, honor jail-bust.

Meyran Kraus with:
The London Subway =
Blown shut one day.

Rosie Perera with:
Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor resigns =
Cursed Neo-Cons cram, try to press injurious agenda.

Rosie Perera with:
Shark-infested waters =
Freak death stirs news.

Rosie Perera with:
Shasta Groene rescued =
See hostage unscarred?

Rosie Perera with:
The "Wildlife Photographer of the Year" winners =
They shot neat deer, giraffe, whipporwill, heron.

Rosie Perera with:
Hurricane Dennis =
I drench inner USA.

Rosie Perera with:
Space Shuttle Discovery ~
truly does have sceptics.

Rosie Perera with:
Scotty beamed up one last time =
O, attempt to be nicely assumed.

Rosie Perera with:
Armstrong wins seventh Tour de France. =
Streams forth, now ends racing venture.

rainwalker with:
Globalisation =
Anglos bait oil.

Rick Rothstein with:
Subway attack in London =
O! A nasty blow, unkind act.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Britain's first suicide bombers hit London =
Idiots' mission: butcher Brits for bin Laden.

View with:
The London suicide-bomb outrages =
Boom!... bodies... slaughter continued.


THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Britain's Labour Party Leader =
Tony Blair (rated a superb liar).

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The private detective Sherlock Holmes =
I hope the clever dick solves the matter!

3rd - Dan Fortier with:
A thespian named Booth ~
shot top man Abe in head!

Tony Crafter with:
Sir Timothy Miles Bindon Rice =
Boorish, dim, eminent lyricist.

Ellie Dent with:
General G S Patton =
Got plan, Sergeant?

Ellie Dent with:
Miss Lindsay Davenport =
Lady's divine sportsman!

Ellie Dent with:
Charles, the Prince of Wales =
HRH: We flap one's Celtic ears.

Toby Gottfried with:
Venus Williams =
Win US slam, live!

Toby Gottfried with:
President William Howard Taft =
With lard diet, I'm fat law person.

Rik with:
Zinedine Zidane, the footballer =
Definition: The one able dazzler.

Don Rogers with:
Marcello Mastroianni =
Actor in Rome is all Man.

Rick Rothstein with:
Queen Elizabeth the Second =
Dozen quiet belches... neat, eh?

Rick Rothstein with:
Queen Elizabeth the Second =
A zest behind the eloquence.

Turb with:
Emma Watson =
Steam woman.

View with:
William Westmoreland =
Well, solid wartime man.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Paul Lusch with:
The United States Postal Service =
That site directs envelopes at us.

eq.2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Winston tastes good, like a cigarette should =
Addict rots a lung, so now he seeks to litigate.

eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
President's Bathrooms at the White House =
So Bush has the time to read his new Potter.

Richard Brodie with:
"Winston tastes good like a cigarette should" =
We'll suggest aid to nicotine-soaked throats.

Tony Crafter with:
The Everglades in Florida =
Hide! Alligators never fed!

Ellie Dent with:
The National Center for Education Statistics =
It's a fact, is it not, no teacher or student can lie?

Toby Gottfried with:
The University of Minnesota ~
is heaven-sent for my tuition.

Toby Gottfried with:
Winston tastes good like a cigarette should =
Take loot, creating diseased lungs with soot.

Toby Gottfried with:
Overnite Express ~
is never so expert.

Mike Keith with:
Codex Alimentarius =
Unclear diet axioms.

nature girl with:
Winston tastes good like a cigarette should =
Twig at skeleton's throat aids soul-genocide.

Rosie Perera with:
The Rocky Mountains =
Many hikers to count.

Rosie Perera with:
Bring nice moray eel to ~
Marine Biology Center.

Rosie Perera with:
The Traveling Salesman Problem ~
serves an optimal-length ambler.

Rosie Perera with:
Guardian angels =
Unsalaried gang.

Rosie Perera with:
Medecins Sans Frontieres =
Fine docs, earnest men, sirs.

Rosie Perera with:
National Sex Offender Public Registry =
Tells if raper found coexisting nearby.

Rick Rothstein with:
Sight of a dozen icons ~
on Signs of the Zodiac.

Rick Rothstein with:
The Everglades National Park in Florida =
Keen trip and ideal haven for alligators.

Rick Rothstein with:
"Winston tastes good like a cigarette should" =
Oncologist, "Total shit! Users get weak and die!"

View with:
Hebrew University of Jerusalem =
Sure, our very able, Jewish men fit.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
pan·gram (n): A sentence that uses all the letters of the alphabet. =
chal·lenge (n): An attempt at utter helplessness before that "Aha!"

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Three Stages of Truth:

First, it is ridiculed;
Next, it is violently attacked;
Finally, it is held to be self-evident.

=

Five Hints Devised by Liars:

1. Relax the odd tic;
2. Stifle latent titters;
3. Hone the lie;
4. Stick to it dutifully;
5. Feign tears.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
"He is a person that will make all Americans proud to be a member of the Supreme Court." =
True, it seems our nice ape-fellow Bush has committed another remarkable malaprop.

David Bourke with:
Roger Federer beats Andy Roddick at The Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships =
In London: Swiss backhand... terrible firepower indeed! Game, set and match... trophy.

Larry Brash with:
To lose one parent, Mr Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. =
(The Importance of Being Earnest)
Wilde's loose morals broke the rules a lot and makes one gross story.

Tony Crafter with:
O hell! Oaf David Blunkett, given a cheese-grater for his birthday, emotively mutters ~
"Arrgh! That must definitely be the most disgracefully violent book I have ever read!"

Ellie Dent with:
"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." -- Yoda =
A plea: for the sake of this generation, he'd argue, stay safe, alert; don't disregard the sad tale of death.

Fleer with:
Why Egyptians cannot believe water they use is polluted =
Aw, gnatty, silty people vow thus because they're in de-Nile.

Toby Gottfried with:
Much hard travel to Hawaii? No credit to meet expenses? ~
"The American Express Card - Don't leave home without it."

Rosie Perera with:
Republican lawyer Edward Cox, the possible NY senatorial contender =
Nixon's creepy son-in-law to succeed Hillary? Beware, and debar plotter!

Rosie Perera with:
Portuguese neurologist Egas Moniz, inventor of the lobotomy =
O guru, I get to sever zone of nut's brain to help gloomy emotions.

Rick Rothstein with:
John Roberts is the presidential nomination for the Supreme Court =
Front-line rumor has it his honor appointment is sure to be rejected.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Mohammad Sidique Khan, Hasib Mir Hussain, Shehzad Tanweer, Lindsey Germaine =
Immersed in amazing hatred in mosque, why bin Laden issues mad shriek "ha ha ha".


THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

This month's challenge was to anagram the 26 letters of the alphabet to create a "perfect pangram", or isopangram.

1st - Richard Grantham with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
A quiz by RJG:
Os + V + Xe + Cl + Fm + ? = K + Pd + W + Th + N + ?
The solution

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
My kind zap Fox TV, squelch GWB Jr.!

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
Fix TV show, NBC! Dump lazy GQ jerk!

David Bourke with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
GCHQ down! Fix jam, klutz! Bye! (R.S.V.P.)

Larry Brash with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
P.D.Q. Bach's funky jig vext Mr. Wolz.

Tony Crafter with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
Crazy wimp fled junk-box TV's GHQ

Toby Gottfried with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
KXJZ vs. WQFM: Debating 'PC' hourly.

Toby Gottfried with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
Lust pink Ford? Chevy? BMW? Jag? Z? QX?

Paul Pan with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
WD helps fix quartz JVC gym knob.

Rosie Perera with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
V KCBX FM DJs play the wrong quiz.

Rosie Perera with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
Hoy! I, GWB, Jr. & VP flunk EC, DMZ, & tax q's.

Rosie Perera with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
HSP, db, tc, RJG, MK, V & Z equal foxy win.

Rik with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
G. Bush Jr on TV/CD: "Wax my IQ, PK Fel'z"

Rick Rothstein with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
Fix crazy GHQ TV jumps... weld knob.

Rick Rothstein with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
JFK Blvd 'acts' grow; quiz ex-nymph.

Christopher Sturdy with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
GB, who junk crazy TV sex film PDQ.

Christopher Sturdy with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
Zany Jew QC: Right dumb folk vs XP.


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying
only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and
to practice these principles in all our affairs.

=

THE TWELVE ANAGRAMMY FORUM STEPS

1. We admitted we spend a lot of our time doing anagrams, but we believed that it involved lots of laughs.

2. Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves: Mike Keith and his Anagram Artist software.

3. Made a decision we will download and hoped to try the latest copy of his popular program.

4. Made thorough searches for good bold key words which to compose our next really long anagram.

5. Admitted that we spend just a little too much time in the Forum.

6. Were ready to correct the defects or errors from our anagrams, so each should sound really solid.

7. Politely solicited Larry, could he withold our worse anagrams on the final list.

8. Created a copious list with our very best creations to be put in our next awards event.

9. Endeavored to create numerous choice anagrams, involving general, topical, or entertainment content, or people's
and other names, and a few long showpieces, when we have the chance.

10. Continued to strive to avidly compose with focussed skill.

11. Hoped to be in the same hallowed class as the honored Mey Kraus, though we soon realised this would never occur.

12. Tried to pressure everyone we meet to share the humor of anagrams and vote for us.

 

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Roberta Prince, the lady of the house, called Jeeves into her bedroom. "Jeeves, please undo my dress," she asked. With a great deal of embarrassment, he did so. "Now," she said, "please take off both my stockings." Jeeves was getting into a hot sweat. "Now take off all my underwear ... and if I ever catch you wearing them again, you will be instantly dismissed!"
=
Fay Wate, the lady of the manor, was becoming outraged at aide Jeeves' odd practise of walking into her bedroom without knocking. Finally, she admonished the senseless act. "Jeeves, it's tasteless and could be very embarrassing if I was in a state of undress, eh?"
"Well, no need to worry madam," beamed Jeeves; "I always peep through the keyhole first!"

 

eq.3rd - Ellie Dent with:
French Snail

Selected French snail with special vanilla butter seasoning, with added garlic flavor bread and white bread. The dish is golden in color, creamy in taste with fragrant scent: a delicately cooked dish featuring deluxe French style and a strong Mediterranean flavor.

=

Bastille Day

Alors, we can relax! Celebrate, dining with grandchildren. L'escargot! Eat this wonderfully wicked, truly harmless creation. Taste the dish, and then a grand claret. I have said do spurn the rancid, fattening food of 'Les Rosbifs' eaten in England.

Vive la difference!

M Chirac

 

eq.3rd - Foxboy with:
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

=

'E's suffering disembodiment, poppies and lilies are strewn about 'is domicile! The Grim Reaper's paid a visit and put 'im on the wormfood buffet! The great kickoff is in fifteen minutes and 'e's the ball! 'E's a fossil in the making! 'E's gone on excursion to the Elysian Fields whilst conspirin' to remain under the offices thereof and perhaps be reborn ephemerally in passionate lionhood! This beautious necrotic Dickybird is expired! 'E's soujourned over the rainbow! 'E's schlepped down the unschooled mile to the vet's! Vim? I motor to rest.

 

Rosie Perera with:
The ancient Zodiac symbols: Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn
=
A bizarre topic: Various opaque signs & capricious constellation charts augur a grim career crisis & nail my best decision.

 

Rik with:
Rik Sengupta presents this window ahead on

'Tales of Yesterday: The Rousing, Undying True Human Spirit: Complete list of Seven Wonders of the Ancient World':

The Pyramids in Egypt, the Hanging Gardens at Babylon, the Statue of Zeus at Olympia, the Pharos Lighthouse at Alexandria, the Temple of Ephesus in Europe, the Colossus of Rhodes, the Tomb of Mawsolus at Halicarnassus...

=

Eulogy:

Time stands still in front of the obvious shapers of Destiny, the greatest Myths, the agonizingly beautiful Creations that expostulate man's glorious power. Man appeased his unappeasable thirst for knowledge. The famous Churches are nothing to these structures. Hope was upheld as Reason triumphed, helping man to defy anyone else who dared to stand in his way.

 


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Richard Brodie with:
Psalm 46

 

2nd - David Bourke with:
'Don't Let's Be Beastly To The Germans' - Noël Coward [version II]

 

3rd - Mike Keith with:
Hamlet, act V, scene 1

 

Tony Crafter with:
First morning of Spring
Wildflowers speckle the meadow
Nature's confetti.
=
First Winter morning
Swirling flakes, cold feet, no dew,
Ma's hot soup. Perfect!

 

Mike Keith with:
November Graveyard

 

Rosie Perera with:
Shark-Infested Waters

 


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A small dick =
Dismal lack.

eq.2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Answering the call of nature =
I ran a race to Gents when full.

eq.2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
A french tickler =
Felt in her crack.

David Bourke with:
Sir Paul McCartney's wife Heather Mills =
Wealthier miser calls "I fancy her stump!"

David Bourke with:
Spencer Tunick =
Prick/cunt seen.

Tony Crafter with:
Water-sports movies =
Piss over more twats!

Tony Crafter with:
His stinking penis ~
pissing in the sink

Joe Fathallah with:
You romp real nice, ~
your place or mine?

Meyran Kraus with:
It happens to loads of men... =
(So, he's impotent and a flop!)

Paul Pan with:
Foot fetishist =
Toes? Hits it off!

Rick Rothstein with:
Hemorrhoidal creams =
Medical horror has me.

Rick Rothstein with:
President's bathrooms at the White House =
Oh, but now he reads Potter item as he shits.

View with:
Smooth talking swine =
Soon... he's milking twat.


The Anagrammy Awards