Complete list of nominations for August, 2005

AUGUST 2005 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards >Nomination Archives > 2005

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world." =
And if a man tries to rationalize force to conduct wars, it shows us he is George Bush.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A Society couple are making love:
"Darling, do poor people do this?"
"I think so, my beloved."
"Far too good for them, don't you think?"
=
GIGOLO: "Ooh-la-la, my love; you look pretty after drink!"
SHE: "Come come poppet! Forgot so soon? I didn't have
a drink."
HE: "No, but I did."

3rd - Larry Brash with:
The members of Queen: Freddie Mercury, Roger Taylor, John Deacon, and Brian May =
A major band, formerly fronted by a magic hormone-enriched queer, endures yet.

David Bourke with:
Eris Fortessimo Neck and Decolletage Firming Cream =
Sag? Get firm! La creme de la creme of skin conditioners!

David Bourke with:
The Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Ian Warwick Blair =
Copper writes, in ire: "Maim Arabic criminals? No, we shoot to kill!"

Toby Gottfried with:
How many anagrammatists does it take to change 'a lightbulb'? =
Two.
TG makes the anagram, and LB ('Laugh Bit'?) says to each, "I NOM it!".

Rosie Perera with:
Dvorak's Symphony Number Nine in E minor, "From the New World" =
BSO perform renowned masterwork on vinyl. I hum hymn in end.

Rick Rothstein with:
George W. Bush, the President of the United States of America =
Pigheaded, obstinate, he recites stuff. Two terms are enough!

Rik Sengupta with:
Truly Neat Line of Fire: Hatred vested on the great City of New York=
I cry in relief, for the threatened key town fortunately got saved.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Three blokes met up to write anagrams in a bar.
They were a Yank called Mike, Chris, an Englishman and Michael from Ireland...
=
One fellow muttered 'Basra...Arabs.
Then a reply. Hey! "Marriage...A grim era".
Then 'ladies man' Mick , "Hell, I'm known as 'nice and thick'!"

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:

A MEDITATION FOR DE-STRESSING

Picture yourself near this quiet stream.
Look at the scene... the beauty of nature helps.
Look up. See a deep blue sky, the birds... how sweetly they sing.
A happy place... away from the usual hateful, unhappy world.
You know no one can bother you here.
Just soothing waterfall sounds echo on the air.
The water's clear.
=
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you are holding under the water.
Look! It is the person who caused you all this stress in the first place.
What a pleasant surprise.
You let them up... just for one quick breath... then plop! Back under they go....
You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want.
There now... feeling better?

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
These five people won the right to enter Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory:
Augustus Gloop
Violet Beauregarde
Veruca Salt
Mike Teavee
and
Charlie Bucket

=
the 'Golden Ticket' group; very average, we feel.
look, see
a fat bastard
a vacuous gum-chewer
a spoilt little shit
a couch potato
one lucky winner, the believer.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Lady Legge-Bourke took more than the normal care of her staff, so when Jeeves was hurt in an accident she went straight to the hospital. "No visitors allowed mam, just family," moaned an ill-mannered nurse. "Are you his wife?"
"God no!" said Lady Legge, gliding by; "I'm his mistress!"=
Sir Stuart Haynes-Fyffe, the Lord of the Manor, awoke one morning with a huge erection and immediately called for his butler. "Congratulations sir," said Jeeves; "shall I awaken madam?"
"No Jeeves," said his lordship; "get me my baggy shorts and we'll smuggle this one into town."

Larry Brash with:
Presenter: "A small-time operator who fell foul of Dinsdale Piranha was Mr.Vince Snetterton-Lewis."

Vince: "Well, this day I was at home threatening the kids, when I looks out through the hole in the wall and I sees this big tank pull up and out gets a couple of Dinsdale's boys, and so they comes on in all nice and friendly and says how Dinsdale wants to have a little chat with me, so they goes and chains me up to the back of the tank and takes me for a scrape around to Dinsdale's place and so Dinsdale's there in the conversation pit with Doug, and Charles Paisley, the baby crusher, and a couple of film producers, and a man who they called 'Kierkegaard', who just sat there biting the heads off whippets and Dinsdale says 'So well then, I hear you've been a naughty boy, Clement' and he splits me nostrils open and saws me leg off and rips me liver out and so I tell him my name ain't Clement and then... he completely loses his temper and nails me head to the floor."

Presenter: "He nailed your head to the floor?"

Vince: "At first, yeah."
=

Presenter: "Many of these remarkable tales are about Dinsdale, but what of Doug's ruthlessness? A man who met him was Luigi Vercotti."

Vercotti: "I'd been runnin' an elegant little escort agency... eh, high class business, yes really, top rate girls... we've none of *that*... well, hardly any... so we decided... pardon me, please... hello... not now... shtum... eh, yes, I'll have the watch ready at half-eleven... yes, half-past eleven... the watch... the bleedin' Chinese watch... speak later... eh, Mother. So I made my mind up and opened a posh night club for the well-off gentry with international cuisine and cookin' and top line acts, and not a tasteless clip joint for the toffs pickin' up tarts... that was not on at all, I deny that... and one day in strolls Dinsdale and some big lads, one of whom supposedly had a thermo-nuclear missile. He said I had one of his poker machines and asked me to pay for it. He demanded half a million pounds. Then he told me I had to see... Doug... he knew all the tRick Rothsteins... irony, metaphor, puns, parody, and... satire. He was vicious, hard and... so selfless."

Meyran Kraus with:

Spring is here, ah-spah-ring is here,
Life is skittles and life is beer.
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring. I do, don't you?
'Course you do.
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,
And makes every Sunday a treat for me...

All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.
Every Sunday you'll see
My sweetheart and me,
As we poison the pigeons in the park.

When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide,
But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide...
The sun's shining bright,
Everything seems all right,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

We've gained notoriety,
And caused much anxiety
In the Audubon Society
With our games.
They call it impiety
And lack of propriety,
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names.
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon.

So if Sunday you're free,
Why don't you come with me,
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park.
And maybe we'll do
In a squirrel or two,
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment,
Except for the few we take home to experiment...
My pulse will be quickenin'
With each drop of strych'nine
We feed to a pigeon
(It just takes a smidgin)
To poison a pigeon in the park!

=

April 2

'PIGEON PREYING' PRACTICE PEAKS

Many people join in the quirky new trend of pigeon slaying, made popular by Tom Lehrer. "I think it's nifty, they're quite easy to shoot", said park ranger Hugh Weiner while skinning a dove.
Meanwhile, elderly women, stuck with extra crumbs, have fed them to insects instead; these, in turn, grew to unwieldy proportions.

April 11

GNAT GANGS GROW GIANT

Huge bugs besiege the city! The mayor reports that nine mosquitoes flew into his house and took off with one of his
wife's Pomeranians.
"Patience, you'll be safe soon - we keep highly trained exterminators, you see", Wildlife Agent Hugh Weiner explained
while unchaining ninety monkeys.

April 20

MAD MONKEYS MAKE MAYHEM

It was definitely not worth it: Apes let loose to end the insects' invasion have spread a heinous plague.
"Oh, there is no need to panic", Senior Wildlife Agent Weiner noted, "It kills monkeys, but it only promotes a mild form of
death in humans."

May 7

PIGEON PLOPS PARRY PLAGUE

A cure has been found to the disease that preyed on our city: pigeon leavings. The news drew people to run into parks, douse themselves with wet cement and pose as statues.
"I commend that dainty bird", said the new Secretary of the Interior, Hugh Weiner, "It truly is a higher being."

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Richard Brodie with:
A poem by Lord Byron.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
On an Infant Dying as Soon as Born by Charles Lamb

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
A beauty from The Sound of Music

Gregory Betts with:
I've just come out with a book of poetry, where all of the poems are perfect anagrams of each other. For fun, I thought I'd post a set of the poems to the site to see what kind of response they generate. I should mention that I did all of the anagrams manually, without any computer program assistance. Every single one is totally different, though they are all exactly 525 letters long with the same letter frequency!

You can find out more about the project here

Anagram 1:

The Scrabblelology

Alfred Mosher Butts [formulas herd Betts] anagrammatician and architect from Poughkeepsie, United States, fashioned a game he called CRISS CROSS WORDS. His playful cryptographic investigation of our language and his original tile distribution system compelled generations, billions of games played. Inventors cherish the profitable titan, its intuitive straightforwardness. Poets energize, launch the waffling effect into lingual callisthenics of cut voices. Students listen to pacific hip-hop, flick oily joints, play in school as legitimate fun.

The unambitious watch with faith, inhale the social milieu.

=

Anagram 2:

The Anagram is:

Christian, it re-enacts the resurrection
Buddhist, it embodies the fall of worldliness
Islamic, dwells in constant, humble litany
Oulipian, by following Juno’s code of brouhaha
Post-structuralist, it seizes gesture, takes up the semiograph
Canadian, puffing hash in teepees, it hugs itself
Page Fauna, a pun feud of foliage, interstitial page
Formalist, loving evolving architecture
Post-McCafferyist, a triste erotic to the full
Romantic, speaking in the wind of Goethe
Satirical, employs the ironic against levelling calm
Economic, it shifts nomadic cohesion, sells filthy badlands
Calligraphy: it is “the body which throbs”

=
Anagram 3:

Bonavista Cube Dog Creek Belleville Calgary Ste. Foy Toronto Ungava Sissibo Yellowknife Winnipeg McPhee Ripples Whitehorse Ucluelet Medicine Hat St. Paul Spirit Fundy Ottawa-Hull Fleet St. Gregor Baffin Fredericton Shining Tree Montreal Idol Catfish Ghita Edmonton Tulita St. Hyacinthe Lethbridge Flin Flon [Adanac] Flathead Dominion Holdfast Titian Pelee Mississauga Churchill Spyhill Regina Miramichi Faith Cupids Cypress Falls False Antigonish Hazlet Ruisseau Hinton Pacific Anticosti South Erie Moose Stand Off Bissett Summit Scugog Asbestos Tsiigehtchic Mun Portage la Prairie Charlottetown St. John’s Victoria

=

Anagram 4:

of gods to goddesses piercing through the flammable ether, of hope to portents and the ongoing pressures of standardization, of love the fallible act of defiance, the magical cancellation of impending capitalism, the brilliant charlatan assesses wishes, as souls utilise wait, it records resounding and full rejoice, this yearning for the spirit north, for divinity impressionably manifest, waking alive this pounding out the rhythms of the reverie, like the truth's cue for this significant occasion, accumulating alphabetical accessibility, calculating the statistical well of this beauty-wish, coming up empty, full, implausible

David Bourke with:
'Don't Let's Be Beastly To The Germans' - Noel Coward [Version IV]

Tony Crafter with:
Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl

Mike Keith with:
Edna St. Vincent Millay's famous poem on Euclid

The Anagrammy Awards

AUGUST 2005 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY