DECEMBER 2005 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards >Nomination Archives > 2005

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Abusive relationships =
Pain? Bruises? I have lots.

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Cognitive therapist: ~
"I've got rich patients!"

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
"Hope is a waking dream." - Aristotle =
So heartwarming. Said like a poet!

aussie battler with:
Hovercraft ~
carve froth.

aussie battler with:
Newscasters =
We can stress.

aussie battler with:
Appreciates ~
pasta recipe.

aussie battler with:
Father-in-law =
Near half-wit.

David Bourke with:
Stouter girths =
Tight trousers.

Larry Brash with:
Bilateral hip replacements =
Her case: pain; limp... All better!

Tony Crafter with:
Cognitive therapist =
Tracing the positive.

Ellie Dent with:
Chanteuses ~
chase tunes.

Toby Gottfried with:
Deadly combination =
Bin Laden + a city = Doom.

Adrian Hickford with:
In agreement =
Near-meeting.

Meyran Kraus with:
The training wheels =
Learning with these.

Meyran Kraus with:
A minstrel actor =
Talent, or racism?

Meyran Kraus with:
White hair =
Ah! I wither!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Rolf Harris's portrait of the Queen =
Quoth she: a first in prole art for E.R.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Coprolites =
Relict poos.

Paul Pan with:
Coitus & onanism
Sanctimonious.

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
In a moment =
No time, man!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Tri-nitro toluene =
to ruin entire lot.

View with:
The sin of adultery =
Dirty, unsafe hotel.

View with:
Deadly combination =
Man, lady, bed, coition.

Simon Woodard with:
Carpe diem =
Me? Die? Crap!

Simon Woodard with:
Nudist gigs =
Disgusting.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Mona Lisa drawing =
A damsel with a grin on.

2nd - Toby Gottfried with:
"The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne =
Recall, then, the 'A' worn by Hester in that tale.

3rd - Paul Pan with:
The Hunchback of Notre Dame =
A bucktoothed Frenchman, he.

Larry Brash with:
Supermodel Naomi Campbell =
One lump's a medical problem.

Tony Crafter with:
The boys' novel Treasure Island =
Heard tale by R. Louis Stevenson.

Ellie Dent with:
John Keats: 'Ode on Melancholy' =
Hello, can he do jokes? Not many.

David A. Green with:
Captain William Earl Johns, the creator of Biggles =
Aloft in Sopwith Camel, I can go grab all the Jerries!

Meyran Kraus with:
US actor Tom Hanks =
A moron that sucks.

Meyran Kraus with:
A chap named Bruce started ~
'Batman, the Caped Crusader'.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Onward Christian Soldiers =
Lord is at war, sends in choir?

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Katherine Matilda Swinton =
Ol' twit, Narnian kids hate me.

View with:
The artist formerly known as 'Prince' =
Crank's a nit, performer with no style.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sir Elton's big day =
Not by a girl's side...

2nd - Don Rogers with:
Ariel Sharon hospitalized =
A leadership is horizontal.

3rd - Toby Gottfried with:
Times Square, New York City =
It quite rocks my New Year's.

David Bourke with:
Best final ~
in Belfast.

David Bourke with:
Hertfordshire Oil Storage Terminal =
All-night fire. Order arose: "Smother it!"

David Bourke with:
The death row prisoner Stanley 'Tookie' Williams =
We ask Arnie, the pitiless Hollywood "Terminator".

Larry Brash with:
The late US comedian Richard Pryor =
Mainly a report: his death occurred.

Tony Crafter with:
American Air Marshals kill passenger =
Hell-raiser slain. Rampager's a sick man.

Tony Crafter with:
American Air Marshals shoot passenger =
Maniac has terror rampages, so he's slain.

Tony Crafter with:
Sir Reginald Kenneth Dwight and David Furnish =
The wrinkled-diva hand had finger in stud's ring.

Linda Garner with:
Cost of living increase =
Losers facing eviction.

Rick Rothstein with:
The late US comedian Richard Pryor =
Oh dear, typical trend is race humor.

View with:
Scores of whales beached in New Zealand =
Woe when obese crazed 'sea - fish' clan land.


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone =
He began on an experiment: A "Hello?" travelled forth.

2nd - David A. Green with:
Russian ballet dancer Rudolf Khametovich Nureyev =
Unrivalled, he's famously bravoed in the 'Nutcracker' .

eq.3rd - Toby Gottfried with:
Astronaut John Glenn =
Long non-Earth jaunts.

eq.3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Blessed Virgin Mary =
Delivers by this manger.

Larry Brash with:
Stanley Tookie Williams =
Sole way is to kill inmate.

David Bourke with:
The late Kerry Francis Bullmore Packer =
Rum fella. Cricket players heartbroken.

Tony Crafter with:
Christina Maria Aguilera =
Her air-guitar is maniacal!

Tony Crafter with:
Mandy Rice-Davies =
Admires deviancy.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Wilnelia Forsyth =
Still a horny wife?

Paul Pan with:
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad =
I'm a paranoid madman 'n' I hate Jehudi nerds.

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Sir Galahad =
A grail dash!

Hans-Peter Reich with:
The Norwegian explorer Roald E.G.Amundsen =
Rare South-Pole examiner, now grand legend!

View with:
Private detective Sherlock Holmes =
Let's harm the evil deceptive crooks!


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - View with:
The Polaroid cameras =
Clear photo is a dream.

2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Microsoft Corporation =
Sort of pathetic or moronic.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Hitler's dictatorship =
A Third Reich's its plot.

David Bourke with:
The Cregagh housing estate in East Belfast =
"The late George Best's fantashtic! A geniush!"

Tony Crafter with:
The Gandhi Labor Institute in Ahmedabad =
Highest tribute to a bald, Indian head-man.

Linda Garner with:
Disney Channel =
See child nanny.

Toby Gottfried with:
Capetown, South Africa =
I can watch out for apes.

Meyran Kraus with:
The National Rifle Association =
So, I fire a lotta holes in a tin can!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Ursus arctos horribilis =
Sour, cross, brutish, I lair.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
"I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." Mark Twain =
"Whereas the others were all, thankfully, the imprudence of my phobic, misbehaving imagination."

2nd - Larry Brash with:
It provokes the desire but it takes away the performance =
Risk's fair that we've had too many beers to keep it up erect.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The new leader of the Conservative Party, David William Donald Cameron =
Onward, after Michael Howard's malevolence, deviation, and petty drivel!

David Bourke with:
The funeral service of George Best, at Stormont Castle on Saturday =
So, Belfast's to grieve as one for late Manchester Utd. / country great.

David Bourke with:
The twenty-fifth anniversary of the assassination of the singer John Lennon by Mark Chapman =
This shifty hanger-on "fan" shot Beatle in Manhattan, New York. Tiny Jap screams: "Oh no! Never!" {sniff}

Tony Crafter with:
The new Conservative Party Leader David William Donald Cameron =
Can raw lad mend vital Tory election hopes and revive a wild dream?

David A. Green with:
Joyce Lankester Brisley's "The Adventures of Milly-Molly-Mandy" =
Children value and flatly enjoy my book's timeless, merry style.

Meyran Kraus with:
"A little in one's own pocket is better than much in another man's purse." (Miguel de Cervantes) =
"The line is nice, but thanks to computer clients and personal revenue, I'm Other Man." (W. Gates)

Don Rogers with:
Alan Shepard, Scott Carpenter, John Glenn, Deke Slayton, Wally Schirra, Gordon Cooper, Gus Grissom =
Project Mercury was responding to national rocket challenge. Sons had danger... sharp loss... glory!

Christopher Sturdy with:
According to astrology, what star sign is a person born on December the twenty fifth? =
Capricorn.
Now some fab, new Trinity's Father (God), Son (Christ) and... gets better... Holy Goat!

James H. Young with:
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger; comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks. =
While irony is done when a few unlikely parodying gems fed by some true comedian contrast.


THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Christmas movie 'It's A Wonderful Life' =
Festive old film hit is sure to charm anew.

2nd - Toby Gottfried with:
"It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas." =
Tell Santa, "Come in! Bring those gifts I like!"

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Twelve Days of Christmas ~
Left my saved cash with store.

David Bourke with:
Christmas over-eating =
Heart-scares, vomiting.

Larry Brash with:
After the twelfth day of Christmas, I am going to send my true love: =
Feast day gift voucher for memory testing that'll show dementia.

Tony Crafter with:
A Dickensian Christmas =

Ellie Dent with:
The Three Kings, aka Magi, Wise Men =
A sign: we make a night trek... see HIM.

Joe Fathallah with:
Christmas food =
Has discomfort.

Scott Gardner with:
Merry Saint Nicholas =
In early on Christmas.

Linda Garner with:
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire=
an' hints upon since forgotten eras.

Meyran Kraus with:
Christmas sales =
Rats! I'm cashless!
A charismatic kindness.

Meyran Kraus with:
"Away in a manger, no crib for His bed" =
I cheer on a baby drowsing in a farm.

Meyran Kraus with:
Bethlehem Palestinians on Christmas Eve =
A solemn event in the Messiah's birthplace.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Twelve Days of Christmas =
Has feast, vomits wretchedly.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Twelve Days of Christmas =
They mass feed TV with carols.

Don Rogers with:
The Wise Men: Melchior, Gaspar, and Balthazar =
What able, learned stargazers champion Him!

Don Rogers with:
The gifts of the Wise men: Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh =
Asked them, "Sent thy offerings for new child in manger?"

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Awardmaster's challenge is ~
a sweet Christmas Herald Angel!

View with:
The true meaning of Christmas =
Cherish a great moment, it's fun!


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:

[Bush Teleconference With Soldiers Staged 10/13/05
WASHINGTON - It was billed as a conversation with U.S. troops, but the questions President Bush asked on a teleconference call Thursday were choreographed to match his goals for the war in Iraq and Saturday's vote on a new Iraqi constitution. "This is an important time," Allison Barber, deputy assistant defense secretary, said, coaching the soldiers before Bush arrived. "The president is looking forward to having just a conversation with you."]

Here's a small segment from the beginning of the program:

The President: Captain Kennedy?
Captain Kennedy: Yes, Mr. President.
The President: Well, it's good to see you. Thanks. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to allow me to visit with you a little bit. I've got some questions for you here in a minute, but I do want to share some thoughts with you. First, I want to thank the members of the 42nd Infantry Division and Task Force Liberty for serving our country with such distinction and honor. I want you to know that the mission you are on is vital to achieving peace and to protecting America. One of my most solemn duties, a duty that you have joined me on, is to protect the American people.

=

The rehearsal

Ms. Barber: Nice to see you, gentlemen. Prior to your discussion with the president, I want to instruct you succinctly
so the conversation won't flop; however, if anyone inquires in regard to the instructions, you'd have to pretend you've
never heard any of them.
G.W.: (chuckles) Funny color, that khaki. It sounds like a dirty joke.
Ms. Barber (sighs): And that, too. Do you have any questions so far?
G.W.: Would we also be airing the rehearsal, auntie?
Ms. Barber: Actually, I meant the troops, Mr. President.
Captain Smith: I've got one. Is it alright to mention last night's mission?
Ms. Barber: Not if it's too gory. Unless it's positive gore. I understand that one of you shined yesterday.
Captain Kennedy: That was me. I had to shoot a few Iraqis that came to the camp with a couple of odd-looking fruits.
And I'd do it again, too. I'd stop at nothing for the just cause of the US of A, ma'am.
Ms. Barber: Wonderful conviction. If it's alright with everyone, I'd like Captain Kennedy to be the spokesman. Now,
let's have a little test. Sir?
G.W.: (squints) Damn these tiny cue-cards. Where's that prompter?
Ms. Barber: I need an hour to set it up-
G.W.: Neato. Off you go, soldierinos. (switches the channel on the video screen) It's Nintendo time.

3rd - David Bourke with:
(after Larry Brash)
John is getting married to the girl of his dreams, Wendy. He decides to surprise her with a very special wedding present. His gift is to have a tattoo... her name on his penis.

John goes off to a tattooist, who explains that this might be a bit painful
and that he can only undertake this if John has an erection. He nervously
agrees to go ahead, as he is so much in love with Wendy. He takes the
pain and soon it is done, with "WENDY" on the shaft of his male member.

After his penis is flaccid, John notices that he can see just the first letter
of her name, a "W", and last letter, a "Y", as the middle letters are in the
folds of his skin.

=

John and his bride go on their honeymoon to the West Indies.
They get off the plane at Jamaica. John's in dire need of the
toilet. When he's at the urinal to relieve himself, this fit,
six-feet-three, West Indian fellow enters and starts to urinate.

John, having heard it said that black men are "large chaps",
looks down and gasps as he sees that the other man has "W"
and "Y" on his shaft.

He nervously addresses the chap,

"The tattoo...it's like mine! I'd guess...perhaps your girl's
Wendy too, right?", stretching his penis to show him it.

"Ah no, mon! See - it's different. If it's stiff, it's:
WELCOME TO THE REPUBLIC OF JAMAICA AND HAVE A NICE DAY!"

=

"Ha ha ha! Thanks indeed! Pleased to meet you, sir!" said John.

"Ah fine...yo's welcome!" replied the rastaman. "I and I is
Everton...Everton Green. Hey, yo name is?"

"Oh, it's John...John Williams", he replied, doing-up his flies.

Then after (the first evening), John and his sexy, sophisticated
trouble-and-strife went off to shag, to consummate their marriage.

Unknown to him, Wendy had had her initials discreetly tattooed
onto her oh-so-perfect arse...the left and the right buttocks.
Oh, imagine it! What a fantastic sight is this!

John, stiffening fast, he was fascinated, speechless, to realise
that as she bent over, that this spelled "WOW"!

David Bourke with:
Jack
Joshua
Thomas
James
Oliver
Daniel
Samuel
William
Harry
Joseph

Jessica
Emily
Sophie
Olivia
Chloe
Ellie Dent
Grace
Lucy
Charlotte
Katie

=


Osama / Usama
Ayatollah Khomeini
Hitler
Pol-Pot
Jesus
Elvis
O.J.
Machiavelli
Two Jags

Reese
J-Lo
Cher
Cherie
Erica
Judi
Kylie
Chemical Sally

Mehal Shah with:
The Fellowship of the Ring: Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Gandalf the White, Aragon, son of Arathorn, Legolas Greenleaf, Gimli, son of Gloin, Boromir, son of Denethor, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Perigrin Took.

=

I saw an long, epic book from ergo, know of the tale of ages in Middle Earth. Hoh! The heroes go on, defeat orcs, goblins, a Balrog, Ringwraiths, bringing flame-eyed Sauron's ring to Mordor, fling in gap of flame

Christopher Sturdy with:
Kew, Chiswick, Barnes, Hammersmith, Putney, Wandsworth, Battersea, Albert, Chelsea, Vauxhall, Lambeth, Westminster, Hungerford (foot), Waterloo, Blackfriars, Millennium, Southwark, London, Tower, Rotherhithe Tunnel, Greenwich Foot Tunnel, Blackwall Tunnel =
The Central London Thames crossings in order from west to east.
All are excellent, beautiful, or unusual.
Through history, few men who walk stroll or drive black cabs thank them, but what'll we think if we can't?
When the IRA blow them up, we're blank in manner, Mr!


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The 1st verse of Jabberwocky

2nd - James H. Young with:
Google

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Annabel Lee

Richard Brodie with:
Surah #108

Hans-Peter Reich with:
Anagrammed Bible in German

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Leader by Anonymous

View with:
The rich man has his motor car,
His country and his town estate.
He smokes a fifty-cent cigar
And jeers at Fate.

=

Indigent one hasn't any auto,
Hasn't home or asset.
He chews crack-toffy.
If character's timid - Stars jeer at him.


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The hardcore-porno star Linda Lovelace =
Deep Throat's carnal icon loved her oral!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The calendar model =
A doll had men erect.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Ah! A suppository clue... ~
Oh, place it up your ass.

aussie battler with:
Palpitates =
Tits appeal.

David Bourke with:
The Israeli Naturist Society =
I see tit, arse-slit, cunt hair...oy!

David Bourke with:
Glen Eden Naturist Resort =
Tender genitals turn sore

David Bourke with:
Hellenic Naturist Federation =
Fellation, recruited in Athens.

David Bourke with:
Saint Mary the Virgin =
Her vagina? It's tiny, Mr!

Meyran Kraus with:
This negative sod ~
doesn't give a shit.


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