Complete list of nominations March, 2006

MARCH 2006 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Anagrammy Archives > 2006

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
'On the Origin of Species' by author Charles Darwin =
Big theory which infers our ancestor is an old ape.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Venus de Milo (Aphrodite of Melos) =
Model of maid poses in the Louvre.

3rd - View with:
'The Simpsons' cartoons =
Spastic Homer, snot son...

David Bourke with:
Natalie Gulbis =
It's a nubile gal!

Larry Brash with:
The Russian composer Dmitri Shostakovich =
Top-rank, his modish, Soviet orchestra music.

Tony Crafter with:
The childrens' fairy story Sleeping Beauty =
Yes, the prince arouses the lady by flirting!

Dan Fortier with:
"Crash", so you win the Best Picture Oscar! =
Cowboys out, race-hate script rushes in!

Meyran Kraus with:
The actress Reese Witherspoon =
So sweet! I present her the oscar.

Paul Pan with:
Natalie Gulbis =
"I use giant ball!"

Rosie Perera with:
Halle Orchestra of Manchester cancels USA trip =
Fun rehearsals & practices at home concert halls.

Rick Rothstein with:
The actress Nicole Kidman =
I'm a stilted hack on screen.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Gary Glitter gets three years in a Vietnamese prison =
"I try some very tight pre-teenage Eastern Asian girls!"

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Media report on avian flu cases =
Paranoid tales of virus menace.

3rd - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Milosevic's funeral =
Fine. All is over, scum!

David Bourke with:
Peter Leslie Osgood =
I go to sleep, see Lord.

David Bourke with:
Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage status =
Traumatic saga...her man is grounded: "STAY IN!"

David Bourke with:
The results of Slobodan Milosevic's autopsy =
This fat Slav slob's outcome: Poisoned, surely?

David Bourke with:
A cat in Germany has died of avian flu =
Achtung! I'd advise fear of any animal!

David Bourke with:
Donations to the Labour Party =
I pay that...turn to be a Lord soon!

Larry Brash with:
Portia Simpson Miller =
Rare optimism in polls.

Tony Crafter with:
America's prisoners in Guantanamo Bay =
Misery, as I am persona non grata in Cuba.

Tony Crafter with:
Tony Blair says that God will judge him over Iraq =
A war inquiry? Devil's joy! Bastard might go to Hell!

Meyran Kraus with:
Media reports on avian flu =
Fear-manipulators dove in.

Rick Rothstein with:
The Slobodan Milosevic funeral =
An evil clod, entomb his foul arse.

View with:
Michael Jackson ordered to close Neverland =
Cancel, then! No more cajoled kids or lads, ever!

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The former president Slobodan Milosevic =
Don't sob over him, after prison-cell demise.

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Maureen Stapleton =
A supreme talent, no?

3rd - Megan R with:
Ahmadinejad =
A damn Jehadi.

David Bourke with:
The Secretary of State for Education and Skills =
One notes Ruth Kelly's a feared, fascist dictator!

Larry Brash with:
Former Yugoslavian President Slobodan Milosevic =
Evil ogre died in prison cell. Most of us say: "Bravo, man!"

Tony Crafter with:
The Italian premier Silvio Berlusconi =
Millionaire invites Blairs to cheer up!

Tony Crafter with:
Ms Olive Marie Osmond =
Me? I live as Mormons do.

Paul Pan with:
Carla Del Ponte =
Placed on alert.

View with:
Actress Maureen Stapleton =
Late top US screen star. Amen.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
President Slobodan Milosevic, "The Butcher of the Balkans" =
Devil takes the scum responsible for an ethnic bloodbath.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. (Arnold Toynbee) =
I remain most livid over a greatly incorrect adage, as it is *I* who grovel and lick my Yankee master's loafer! (Tony Blair)

3rd - Larry Brash with:
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER. =
I'm George W. Bush. I can't accept being in a country that always elects me, a blatant simpleton, to be President to all (Twice, man!)

David Bourke with:
The Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport, Tessa Jane Helen Douglas Jowell, and her husband David Mills =
"Er, granted...a jet-set fellow named Silvio Berlusconi's cash just totally funded a rather damned sharp house deal!"

David Bourke with:
The marble statue 'The Venus de Milo' (or 'The Aphrodite of Melos') =
Half-nude amputee...both arms either lost, or thieves looted 'em!

David Bourke with:
Sir Ian Blair, the Commissioner of the London Metropolitan Police force =
Oh no! Senior Old Bill moron in more criticism after telephone-tap fiasco!

David Bourke with:
Lord Charles Leslie Falconer (Baron Falconer of Thoroton) =
A sloth, a lard-barrel for life! (No, cholesterol of no concern!)

Tony Crafter with:
The Secretary of State for Education and Skills, The Rt Hon Miss Ruth Kelly =
Often acts rash, yet truthful and sincere. (Still looks rather dyke-ish to me).

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Let's quickly survey all of the 78th Academy Awards winners:

Best Motion Picture "Crash"
Best Director: Ang Lee
Best Lead Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman
Best Supporting Actor: George Clooney
Best Lead Actress: Reese Witherspoon
Best Supporting Actress: Rachel Weisz
Best Original Screenplay: "Crash"
Best Adapted Screenplay: "Brokeback Mountain"
Best Editing: "Crash"
Best Cinematography: "Memoirs of a Geisha"
Best Art Direction: "Memoirs of a Geisha" [John Myhre and Gretchen Rau]
Best Costume Design: "Memoirs of a Geisha" [Colleen Atwood]
Best Makeup: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe"
Best Sound Editing: "King Kong"
Best Sound Mixing: "King Kong"
Best Visual Effects: "King Kong"
Best Original Score: "Brokeback Mountain" [Gustavo Santaolalla]
Best Original Song: "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" [Jordan Houston, Cedric Coleman and Paul Beauregard]
Best Foreign Language Film: "Tsotsi"
Best Documentary: "March of the Penguins"
Best Short Documentary: "A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin"
Best Animated Film: "Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit"
Best Animated Short Film: "The Moon and the Son: An Imagined Conversation"
Best Live Action Short Film: "Six Shooter"

=

But never mind these... Time to see who the new Golden Raspberry winners are:

Worst Picture: A random strand of gross-out scenes titled "Dirty Love"

Most Unbearable Actor: That ignoble Rob Schneider constantly mugging for the camera in "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo"

Most Unbearable Actress: A boob-enhanced Jenny McCarthy assuming Skank Mode in "Dirty Love"

Sorriest Supporting Actor: Hayden Christensen's stiff face attempting to emote in George Lucas's "Star Wars Episode III"

Tackiest Supporting Actress: Famous-but-talentless heiress Paris Hilton being slaughtered and somehow sucking at it in "House of Wax"

Most Boring Screen Couple: The mind-boggling mismatch of Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman in the feeble fiasco "Bewitched"

Most Abominable Remake\Sequel: The instant box-office bomb "Son of the Mask"

Most Amateurish Script: An unspeakable draft that Ms. McCarthy has penned for "Dirty Love"

Crappiest Director: The hack John Asher for his homage to gonorrhea, "Dirty Love"

Most Tiresome Tabloid Target (AKA Biggest Douchebag): Crazed scientologist and pest Tom Cruise, for going bananas on Oprah's couch, babbling incoherently about Katie Holmes and being a freak in general.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The kids were lined up for lunch in the Catholic school's cafeteria. On the table was a largish pile of apples. The nuns had written a note and put it on the tray, saying:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further down the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a larger pile of chocolate chip cookies.

On the tray beside them, a kid had written:

"Take what you want. God is watching the apples."

=

A teacher was observing the children one afternoon as they painted pictures.
When she got to Cath, who was sat painting contentedly, she asked the affable little girl what her picture was of.

Cath replied deeply, "Oh, a picture of God."

"Aha, neat!" said the teacher, "But Cath, no one knows what God, er ... looks like."

Without looking up from the painting, the child said nonchalantly, "They will in a minute."

3rd - David Bourke with:
George W. Bush:
"America is a friend to the people of Iraq. Our demands are directed only at the regime that enslaves them and threatens us. When these demands are met, the first and greatest benefit will come to Iraqi men, women and children."

=

"The post-Nine-Eleven terrorism threat? The challenge of finding bin Laden's headquarters and defeating Al Qaida? No, screw 'em! Remember...war, it comes down to greed...cheaper oil for the United States. What a shame they misunderestimated me!"

Christopher Sturdy with:
Dignity and respect make up a two-way street. Whenever navigating down this road, feel free to exercise this right-of-way, as it will more than likely be reciprocated.

=

I saw great need for pertinent travel advice when asking this screwy chap for directions - write a will (we don't get a fee) as you're likely to get hit by a mixed metaphor.

View with:
'I happen temporarily to occupy this big White House. I am living witness that any one of your children may look to come here as my father's child has'.

=

Hi,hi! Now I'm president of The United States of America.Simply any worthy guy or schoolgirl can replace me...Oh, even that impolitic shaky yahoo - Bush!

The Anagrammy Awards

MARCH 2006 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY