Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2007


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Military weapon =
Employ it in a war.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
A child molester =
Mother calls: "Die!"

eq3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Shapely girl =
Largely hips.

eq3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Late Shift? ~
That's life!

David Bourke with:
Home cooking the traditional oriental way =
Rigid animal horn...a one-way ticket to the loo!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Lightning never strikes twice in the same place =
He tempts heaven igniting new electrical risks.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Streaming video =
It governs media.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The vegetarian meals =
Grain? Leaves? Eat them.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Reformatting our hard drives =
Get rid of rather random virus.

Andrew Brehaut with:
She loves =
He solves.

Andrew Brehaut with:
A sharp utensil ~
hurts a spaniel!!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Summer vacations =
Tourism vans came.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Dubya's word "misunderestimate" ~
was edited by our US master-mind!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Licence to print money =
Pertinently economic.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Menage-a-trois =
One's great aim!

Andrew Brehaut with:
The hormonal female =
Ooh! All men fear them!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Mixing business with pleasure=
Bush using new 'imperialist' sex!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Barricades ~
brace raids.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The saying: "Two's company, three's a crowd" =
Why? Shy towards menage-a-trois concept?

Andrew Brehaut with:
Cheerleading practices =
Teach girl precise dance.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The triple bypass =
Best pray it helps.

Andrew Brehaut with:
A baby's christening ~
began by Christians.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The McDonald's breakfast menu =
Burnt hotcakes demand flames.

Andrew Brehaut with:
A communist worker =
I run Moscow market.

Tony Crafter with:
"I detest gout." =
"Get used to it!"

Tony Crafter with:
A licence to print money =
Omnipotence? Certainly!

Tony Crafter with:
The risky choice of elated nature lovers? =
They liked to have al fresco intercourse!

Tony Crafter with:
Really ghastly poet ~
plays to the gallery!

Tony Crafter with:
Treads the boards =
Does the Bard's art.

Tony Crafter with:
The professional dancer =
Fearless on pointed arch!

Tony Crafter with:
Cleansing the skin =
Thinking, "Less acne!".

Tony Crafter with:
Fusileers ~
use rifles.

Meyran Kraus with:
Pate de foie gras, ~
or a fat geese dip.

Meyran Kraus with:
A singer's tone =
Strange noise!

Meyran Kraus with:
Felt despair? =
Departs life.

Meyran Kraus with:
Morgue sites =
It's gruesome!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The meadow lark =
Meal to red hawk.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Lysol disinfectant spray ~
cleanses any filthy dirt spot.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A licence to print money =
Nice potence, Royal Mint!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Empire had timer in ~
the Prime Meridian.

Paul Pan with:
Health care system =
Heal me heart cysts!

Paul Pan with:
Cantonese cuisine =
Notice canine's use.

Adie Pena with:
The aorta =
To a heart.

Adie Pena with:
Absinth =
Ban this!

Adie Pena with:
'Tell all' interview =
Will net viler tale.

Adie Pena with:
Milquetoast =
Almost quiet.

Adie Pena with:
Alphabetical =
Ale, Bat, Caliph ...

Adie Pena with:
"One horn is a curse?" =
So here's a unicorn.

Adie Pena with:
"I, the mandarin orange." =
"Oh, I'm a darn tangerine."

Rosie Perera with:
Handing out free condoms =
Confront huge demon, AIDS.

Rosie Perera with:
The prison chaplain =
Parish not in chapel.

Rosie Perera with:
Under the influence of alcohol =
Oh, incoherent dunce full of ale.

Rosie Perera with:
Eminent domain laws =
Land is now mine, mate!

Rosie Perera with:
The discontinued product lines =
Discounted old unit prices, then.

Neil Ramsay with:
New Year Sales
always serene.

Hans-Peter Reich with:
The crane operator =
Another 'top' career.

Rick Rothstein with:
Treads the boards =
Stars do bad there.

Rick Rothstein with:
Troop escalation =
Operational cost.

Rick Rothstein with:
The religious doctrine? ~
I notice God is the ruler.

Rick Rothstein with:
Counting the calories =
It is to conceal hunger.

Rick Rothstein with:
The contraceptives =
Cover that penis, etc.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Bacon and egg for breakfast =
Fab, fat snack - gorge on bread.

View with:
The professional dancers ~
share floor and nice steps.

View with:
The beach scavengers =
Catch seven bags here!


1st - Tony Crafter with:
'Oliver Twist'. The novel by Charles Dickens =
Scrawny bloke sent child to thieve silver!

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J K Rowling =
A jolly hyper Hogwarts boy'll thwart dark in the end.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Puccini's opera 'Madame Butterfly' =
Macabre play put to refined music.

David Bourke with:
The singer Diana Ross =
A negroid star shines!

David Bourke with:
The singer Amy Jade Winehouse =
A dynamite Jew...her nose is huge!

Andrew Brehaut with:
The film 'Steel Magnolias' =
It's all some female thing!

Andrew Brehaut with:
HFPA's Cecil B. DeMille Award's recipient's worthy =
Warren Beatty did well. Chap is film press' choice.

Andrew Brehaut with:
TV Show "Stars in Their Eyes" =
Host views trashy entries.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Rhythm and blues ~
held urban myths.

Meyran Kraus with:
The singer Barry Manilow =
I'm a terrible granny show.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Silent Spring by Rachel Carson =
Cancer's toll in spraying herbs.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Boris Leonidovich Pasternak =
Hint: Book I pen discovers Lara.

Paul Pan with:
Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto" =
Oops! Bill Gates' company!

Adie Pena with:
Marco Evaristti's Liposuctioned Fat =
Cans of delicious art? I spatter vomit!

Adie Pena with:
Bond rules! =
Dr. No's blue.

Adie Pena with:
"Breast Implants: The Myths, the Facts, the Women" =
Mammary Bits: The Soft, the Penchants, the Welts.

Adie Pena with:
O, the Beatles retire ~
to rehearse 'Let It Be.'

Adie Pena with:
Ah, Allen in ~
"Annie Hall."

Adie Pena with:
Your second-class angel =
Clarence's an old S.O.S. guy.

Adie Pena with:
Netflix stream =
Smart. Next file!

Adie Pena with:
Capt. Kirk to newsletters: ~
"Let's picket 'Star Trek' now!"

Adie Pena with:
Hugh Laurie on set =
Laughter in "House."

Rosie Perera with:
"Ocean's Deadliest" starring Steve Irwin ~
is startling: a wet diver dies on a screen.

Rosie Perera with:
Rated "G" movies in ~
streaming video.

Neil Ramsay with:
Author Chris Brookmyre =
Hurrah! Crime story book.

Neil Ramsay with:
Ren and Stimpy ~
empty innards.

Rick Rothstein with:
An Oscar nomination =
As in, "No, no, I'm an actor!"?

Christopher Sturdy with:
Celebrity Big Brother =
terrible bitch by ogre.

View with:
Martin Scorsese's 'The Departed' =
The 'Desires Oscars' department.


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
United States politics =
Suspect it's oil-tainted.

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
George 'Dubya' Bush's State of the Union Address =
So, the dud threatens a surge in use of body bags.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
President George W. Bush's State of the Union Address =
Enough deaths, persistent snob. For we are disgusted!

Wayne Baisley with:
Israeli President =
Reptilian desires.

David Bourke with:
Rohail Spall ~
has oral pill.

David Bourke with:
Bristol International Airport =
To slip in torrential rain? Abort!

David Bourke with:
The Labour party is in meltdown =
Tony Blair now stumped, the liar!

David Bourke with:
Harbourside Trimmers, Newcastle =
It realised new customer: Mr Brash.

Andrew Brehaut with:
US forces are deployed off the Somalian coast ~
as they focus efforts on a cooped Islam leader.

Andrew Brehaut with:
A barber's slashed ~
a beardless Brash.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Retaining Tony Blair? =
Only in Great Britain.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Only in Australia ~
I ran into a US ally.

Andrew Brehaut with:
George Bush's Iraqi battle plan's damn dangerous ~
as plot requires more gangs in unstable Bagdhad.

Andrew Brehaut with:
America's military =
Irate Islamic army.

Andrew Brehaut with:
American Army ~
may cream Iran.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Positive international relations =
It's no alternative option in Israel.

Tony Crafter with:
Kylie Minogue's 'Showgirl Tour' opens at Wembley Arena =
New Year hit! Gutsy gal blooms anew in solo UK premiere.

Tony Crafter with:
The late dictator Saddam Hussein =
He's insulted at death. So dramatic.

Dan Fortier with:
Saddam hanged
Dang shame, dad.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Good samaritan Wesley Autrey =
Solo guy made train steer away.

Paul Pan with:
Japan ship collides with U.S. sub =
Sushi, soja & BLT sandwich pile-up!

Adie Pena with:
"OK, research ends, I'll film or ~
find Charles Moore's killer."

Adie Pena with:
Act, crime team! The lethal polonium was all the time in ~
a small white ceramic teapot at the Millennium Hotel!

Adie Pena with:
Levi Strauss is real mad. ~
Sues its alarmed rivals.

Rosie Perera with:
Sixty-seven year old mother =
Sexy lady's not over her time.

Rosie Perera with:
Sixty-seven year old mother =
Live yet tardy sex hormones.

Rosie Perera with:
Somali =
O, Islam!

Rosie Perera with:
Iran's short-range missile test ~
is mean terrorist ghastliness.

Neil Ramsay with:
The late dictator Saddam Hussein =
Moustached sadist in death-alert.

Rosie Perera with:
Gaseous smell in New York =
Sewer guano kills my nose.

Hugh Reid with:
David Beckham plays for LA Galaxy =
Posh climax, ravaged by a flaky lad.

Rick Rothstein with:
Miss America, Lauren Nelson =
I'm real sensual in romances.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Three inches of snowfall =
Traffic hell seen on show.

Christopher Sturdy with:
America's upset with ~
a white supremacist.

View with:
A pressure mounts on Olmert to resign =
Israel: No sneers, our rotten PM must go


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Immortal Bard, William Shakespeare =
This admirable writer shall make a poem.

2nd - Paul Pan with:
Tony Blair's ~
a sly Briton!

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Imelda Romualdez Marcos =
A lurid sole-crazed momma

David Bourke with:
Nancy Patricia Pelosi ~
in an apocalyptic rise.

David Bourke with:
Lord "Cashpoint" Levy =
Tony's loved rich pal.

David Bourke with:
Captain Lawrence Oates =
Weeps alone, Antarctica.

David Bourke with:
Michael Pearson =
He's in a camp role.

David Bourke with:
U.S. Senator Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton =
An "Iron Lady". Her old man's a loutish cretin.

David Bourke with:
President Obama =
Most peabrained.

David Bourke with:
Thea Rogers ~
rather goes!

David Bourke with:
William Henry Gates and Melinda French =
Really damn rich gentleman and his wife.

Andrew Brehaut with:
SHEIK Taj al-Din al-Hilali =
I thank all Jihadi allies.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Anna Nicole Smith =
Claimant hones in.

Andrew Brehaut with:
George Foreman =
Forge me a Negro.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The Commander in Chief George "Dubya" Bush =
Guy directed some henchmen of Abu Ghraib.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The Commander in Chief George "Dubya" Bush ~
induced change of other regime by ambush.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Willem Dafoe =
Media fellow.

Tony Crafter with:
The late dictator Saddam Hussein =
A sad sector insulted him at death.

Tony Crafter with:
The 'international model' Anna Nicole Smith =
No-talent meathead can inherit millions, no?

Meyran Kraus with:
Sam Fuller movies =
A film lover's muse.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Tavis Smiley =
My TV liaises.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Ms. Nicole Vaidisova ~
coos "I'm a divine Slav".

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Andrei Lugovoi =
Go die in valour!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Hunter Dale Tadlock =
"Drat!" (He'll eat no duck!)

Paul Pan with:
Tony Blair's ~
a sly Briton!

Adie Pena with:
Fidel Castro =
Arse-lift, Doc!

Adie Pena with:
Don Rickles =
Old snicker.

Adie Pena with:
W. H. Taft: "I ~
with fat."

Adie Pena with:
Charles Simonyi =
Rich. Money. Sails.

Adie Pena with:
Daniel Stern =
Dinner tales.

Rosie Perera with:
Neil Havens Rodreick =
Liar, con. He's kid? Never!

Rosie Perera with:
Simson Garfinkel, columnist for the Boston Globe =
Self-blogs, I bet: "Oh c'mon! It's not 'Simon' or 'Garfunkel'!"

Rosie Perera with:
Christopher Willever, the bare-bottomed burglar =
Thwarted ill robber reveals bum to cop right here.

Rosie Perera with:
The Commander in Chief George "Dubya" Bush =
Emergency! I'm heinous butcher of Baghdad.

Rosie Perera with:
Sergey Brin and Larry Page, founders of ~
Google, pray surfers find yer banner ad.

Rosie Perera with:
Opera singer Dame Kiri Te Kanawa =
I'm a Kiwi earner parked on a stage.

Hans-Peter Reich with:
The inventor Mister King Camp Gillette =
"Shaving torment? I permit gentle tickle!"

Rick Rothstein with:
Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon =
O, aid to Jesus is no man of Christ.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Arthur Wellesley, the Duke of Wellington =
Utterly skilful legend, he. When? Waterloo.

View with:
Actor Stephen Glenn Martin =
Prattling man on the screen.


1st - Adie Pena with:
Mac iTunes =
Neat Music.

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Microsoft Windows Software =

3rd - David Bourke with:
The Iams Company =
My cat's main hope!

David Bourke with:
The law firm Morrison and Foerster =
Main flaw: First-order morons there!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Subway Restaurant Franchise =
It was a fresh crusty bun arena.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Hamas terrorist =
He arms traitors.

Andrew Brehaut with:
A Turkish Delight =
Light Kurdish tea.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Genesis' Garden of Eden =
See no endangered figs!!

Andrew Brehaut with:
All Ords =

Andrew Brehaut with:
The Declaration of Independence ~
hinted of deep national credence.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Liberte, egalite, fraternite, ou la mort! =
Free beret at trial. (More at guillotine)!

Tony Crafter with:
United Colors of Benetton =
Bolder, often contentious.

Dheven with:
Desert Eagle =
Geared steel.

David A. Green with:
The International Pedicure Association =
Is trained there in a toe-nails occupation.

Meyran Kraus with:
Mac Operating System
Mister Gates' company.

Meyran Kraus with:
The Altria Group company =
Price to pay: Harm to a lung.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The World Equestrian Games =
Equal-time horse gent draws.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Liberte, egalite, fraternite, ou la mort! =
Meet a guillotine for a terrible treat!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Screen Actors Guild =
Theatre's golden circus.

Paul Pan with:
Gates' company =
A PC tags money!

Adie Pena with:
PlayStation Three =
Late hip Sony treat.

Adie Pena with:
Disneyworld =
Ends rowdily.

Adie Pena with:
Danes sail for ~
Faroe Islands.

Adie Pena with:
Denmark =
Drank 'em!

Adie Pena with:
The George W. Bush Library =
Where glory begat hubris.

Rosie Perera with:
The World Equestrian Games =
Great equines worth medals.

Rosie Perera with:
Society for Creative Anachronism =
So, I'm into archaic crafts, everyone.

Rosie Perera with:
Global Institute of Sustainable Forestry: ~
"Log fast-built trees but only in safe ratios."

Rosie Perera with:
The Paws for Reading Program =
Men write paragraph for dogs?!

Rosie Perera with:
The International Space Station =
A pilot in it can't see ants on earth.

Neil Ramsay with:
The International Space Station =
Inspects alien threat to a nation?

Neil Ramsay with:
Amish stun ~

Rick Rothstein with:
The International Space Station? ~
Please, that is not a tin container.

Rick Rothstein with:
The Sicilian volcano Mount Etna =
Hot lava in ancient times... uncool.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Pole of Inaccessibility =
Bit of an ice spot. Chilly, I see.

View with:
The Leaning Tower of Pisa, Italy, ~
i.e., giant spire on the way to fall.


1st - Rosie Perera with:
Hillary: "Perhaps there are better candidates for President than myself." =
Pat reply: Any fresh face is better than the present horrid, dismal leader!

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
"Plutoed" is nominated and voted Word of the Year by the American Dialect Society =
Hence, they obviously awarded a dictionary term tied to planet's faced demotion.

3rd - David Bourke with:
Director Michael Winner facing amputation after holiday illness =
"Oh, calm down dear, it's only an artificial leg! (If 'the insurance' permit!)".

David Bourke with:
The late Icelandic television presenter Magnus Magnusson =
Intellectual genius on Mastermind's corpse in Heaven's gate.

David Bourke with:
The "wardrobe malfunctions" of the American singer Britney Spears' =
A nice, neat furry snatch, I bet! - I'm wrong...no more, as she prefers it bald!

Andrew Brehaut with:
The director Stanley Kubrick's movie "Eyes Wide Shut" =
Everybody likes where T. Cruise touches Kidman's tit.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Hillary: "Perhaps there are better candidates for President than myself." =
RP, Larry, DB, Mesterton, HSP and pale Crafter. See if they're ahead in the list.

Andrew Brehaut with:
She wore an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow, polka dot bikini. =
She likes teen boys to eye a tiny, pink, willowy body in water.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Federer versus Gonzalez in the final of the Australian Tennis Open =
Fast, intense Roger annihilates hopeful Fernando at venue sizzler.

Tony Crafter with:
Rod Stewart becomes a CBE in the New Year's Honours list =
E.R's Consistently Best Erection award, huh? Awesome, bro!

Don P. Fortier with:
Hillary, noting that "I realize there are better candidates for President than myself." =
Hell freezes into ice ,a bear is trying toilets, and her man (there at party) hadn't flirted.

Don P. Fortier with:
Hillary: Perhaps there are better candidates for President than myself =
Pope: Leader admits that he's really French First Presbyterian adherent.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Hillary: Perhaps there are better candidates for President than myself =
Bill: My threatened leadership starred a free psychopath after interns.

Rosie Perera with:
Hillary: "Perhaps there are better candidates for President than myself." =
That's Ford? Bill? Carter? The ninny's peer father? ... Dead males, happy retirees?!

Rosie Perera with:
Hillary: "Perhaps there are better candidates for President than myself." =
A-yep, desperate hard-heart residents may prefer that fresh Bill Clinton.

Rick Rothstein with:
The United States weekly death toll in Iraq... its up again! =
It's a new page; it quietly attains three thousand killed.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Rugby is a game played by men with oddly shaped balls =
A day up a Welsh pig's bladder, anybody? Might be smelly!

View with:
Hillary: "Perhaps there are better candidates for President than myself." =
Aberrant infantile lady appeared to disrespect herself. Set her rhythm!


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Swift's Epitaph by William Butler Yeats

Swift has sailed into his rest;
Savage indignation there
Cannot lacerate his breast.
Imitate him if you dare,
World-besotted traveller; he
Served human liberty. =
Poem at Steve Irwin's burial

This still Aussie, there he lies
After a marine demise.
Swiftly did that brat depart
When that stingray stabbed his heart.
May you win eternal love -
Lifting crocodiles, above!

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Swift's Epitaph by William Butler Yeats

Swift has sailed into his rest;
Savage indignation there
Cannot lacerate his breast.
Imitate him if you dare,
World-besotted traveller; he
Served human liberty. =
Damn thing's a bit similar to a tiny wreath-fanfare that was scribbled by verbalist W.H.Auden:

"Earth, receive an honoured guest:
William Yeats is laid to rest.
Let the Irish vessel lie
Emptied of its poetry."

eq3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Swift's Epitaph by William Butler Yeats

Swift has sailed into his rest;
Savage indignation there
Cannot lacerate his breast.
Imitate him if you dare,
World-besotted traveller; he
Served human liberty. =
No more derby racing, eating hay --
It was frail Barbaro's last day.
The needle slid swiftly into his vein;
The vet said it was ethical, humane.
Rider wept: "'Slept?' It's sure a shame."
But to live is bitter for the lame.

eq3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Swift's Epitaph by William Butler Yeats

Swift has sailed into his rest;
Savage indignation there
Cannot lacerate his breast.
Imitate him if you dare,
World-besotted traveller; he
Served human liberty. =
Earth's Epitaph by God

I blame myself.

Seven days:
I design it to last forever
I erect it.
I breed lunatics in the asylum!
What is left to show?
A terrible, horrible waste.
What a vandal.
It's his nature

I tried

David Bourke with:
Magnus Magnusson, the BBC 'Mastermind',
- A wiser fellow I'll rarely find!
Two-part trivia...he rotates that cushy seat:
"Twenty, I believe, to beat".
"I've started, so I'll finish" he said;
...A terrible pity, I hear he is dead!

David Bourke with:
Here, dead at last, rests Tony Blair,
An embattled poodle, if we're fair.
Buried by him is the wife Cherie.
(A bit attractive, wasn't she?)
May our Lord his soul yet save;
Wait! That slime's still spinning in the grave!

David Bourke with:
We salute you, Toby Gottfried
Truly, he achieved a lot, he'd
A vast brain, as site Data Programmer,
With L. Brash, he'd defeat the sinister spammer.
Brilliant in wit, net-wise, sensible. Hey,
Let's visit Cali-for-ni-a!

David Bourke with:
Here lies Marc Bolan.
- I blame Gloria, the wife,
Who, in Barnes, shortened a Mini
...and a guitarist's life.
Still today, I curse
That September day that tipsy, she
Revved it, but swerved swiftly,
Hit, alas, into a tree.

David Bourke with:
"I Was A Twat!"

In here lies, interred,
"Little" George Bush,
He'd probably, at the most,
Half a brain...at a push.
Maybe the 'First Idiot' we,
For his selective vision slated.
Certainly, Iran "W" vastly

David Bourke with:
Ambitious Lady Diana,
As the Princess of Wales,
Married a two-timing, vile Charles,
But went right off the rails.
Yet the beauty's Paris love,
Alas, didn't last either.
Why? No belt, it seems /
The inebriate driver.

David Bourke with:
R.I.P. 'Bassmaster' - a tribute

Mr. Entwistle's bottom,
It truly held down 'The Who'.
No finer bass player?
- I believe it...it's true!
A heart fatality, sadly,
In Las Vegas he died,
With a smile on his face,
Erect, having a ride!

Larry Brash with:
David Laurence Brash,
(Larry to all his mates),
Renowned for anagrams
That he'd impiously create.

Awardsmaster's web-site,
with its infinite versatility,
"The Legend" put, I believe,
To the best of his ability.

Larry Brash with:
I see that Carlo Ponti died.

He wanted to marry his mistress, the elegant Sophia Loren.

But by Italian law, it saw it may never be... first marriage's still best.

But ahead, he eventually divorced his first wife.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Mash Identities' Grave

Within it be the elite of MASH
Few could say the show was trash
Bye Lively Pierce, Margaret, Potter,
Rosie, Burns and Baby Radar.
Shit, it is a fitted strain
A multi-levelled lot? Insane!

Andrew Brehaut with:
"Santa's Last Trip" by Will

In private, we did believe the tale,
The hero made gifts come far
But Bert, that troll in seventh class
said "It's in error you are!"
"Ma buys the gift," he said
Now I realise it was in my head.

Andrew Brehaut with:

At this crude grave lays the first man
Part of God's eternal plan
My, the man has one less rib
He retires within it because she fibbed
All will write "This idiot's naive
Easily outwitted by traitor Eve."

Tony Crafter with:
Title: The Secret Little Grave

Reader pass by!
Idleness is evil.
Waste not vital time
On bitter biography
And dubitable rhyme;
What I am
This time-chilled earth ensures,
And what I was
Is no affair of yours!

Tony Crafter with:
(Whimsical Tribute tae a Pretty Miss)

Here lies the body of wilful Miss Charlotte
Born a virgin died a harlot
She was aye a virgin at seventeen
An impossible feat i' Aberdeen!


Tony Crafter with:
Italian's News:

Carlo Ponti dies
Sophia Loren lives.
Yet they were ever mismatched; different.
She a tall, trim Beauty,
He a short, flabby Beast,
But it's evident I was right;
I said their marriage wouldn't last!

Dan Fortier with:
Hussein's Epitaph
by D.F.

A vicious Arab man that tries
to threaten world with feeble lies;
believing yet in own B.S.
leads his militia to fight U.S.
dream he led at its end at trial:
career was over - martyr style.

Don P. Fortier with:
A Blown Obituary

Foley from the Sunshine State,
Shame is bared, a nitwit's fate.
E-mail: "Hi! Will babe have tryst?"
Dirtier still in a secret list.
A cad had simply viewed their ages,
Then tried to turn over Pages!
Adrian Hickford with:
The same, by Edward Lear

Swift and his Spirit went to sea,
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
Each as Gulliver travelled, aboard.
The last terrible mystery:
What is this, thy mission?
Come visit the Infinite Lord.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Caesar was this rotten emperor's name
He loved a flirty (i.e., Egyptian) dame
In Rome did they cohabitate
Till I, Brutus, did assassinate ...
The erstwhile bully battler brave
Now lies, a stiff, within this grave!

Paul Pan with:
Science shrouds
My favourite deities
Imaginary friends twist
Their avatars futile
Their babble immaterial
Satan obsolete
Shattered idols they wept
Heaven & hell swept
By Darwin's rational light

Paul Pan with:
The stately Norwegian Blue
Rests sublime
Nailed still to his aviary crib

What, "pinin'" you say? Vim?
Hah! The twitter is...err...stone dead!
That grave macaw's bleedin' demised
Bereft of life
This is a late parrot!

Rosie Perera with:
Death of an Empire

Here lies the United States of America:
Gone in a whoosh,
Slain by fascist Bush.
Will it withstand
His party's band?
Will it survive,
e.g., really alive?
Maybe it mattered.

Rosie Perera with:
Ding dong the witch is dead.
The evil witch has lost her head.
Dorothy melts a beastly frame.
No way I'll praise a villain's name!
Refute a rapt "Merry-O!"
A tribute isn't beau.
A librettist versifies;
Bet, isn't wise.

Rosie Perera with:
Suicide is painless, it brings on many changes...

Hail! Here lies a very valiant soldier,
who, returned from war, bitter,
totally depressed, stabbed himself.
I attribute it to that heavy time.
Life...what a waste!

Rosie Perera with:
Brown's body lies a-smolderin' outside the grave.
As his private family rivals battle where he shall be laid.
Trite strife at tent and wet feet emaciate it; they wept in disarray.
But his soul is marching on!

Neil Ramsay with:
A bittersweet self-epitaph by Mr Neil "Rotted" Ramsay

"So...I wasn't immortal".

There lies the body of Neil,
This feeling is rather surreal,
What!, I didn't survive?
Wait!, I can't be alive!
Say... death's not such a big deal.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Here lies a babe in arms;
Three Thousandth victim in a futile war.
I 'hear lies' is right - a blatant fact

Every day we don't withdraw,
It's a soldier's life.
Yet President Bush loves oil more.

Glib, petty States man

View with:
To West visitor

Here rests in peace
Peace in the Middle East.
Rabin, Bibi or Sharon
Muffled,- 'What's goin' on ?'
Israel is a rightful state,
But that evil Islam hate.
Wryly, deadly vile beast
Try war in the Mideast


1st - Tony Crafter with:

Paddy's pregnant sister was in a bad car accident and fell into a deep coma.

After being stuck in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "You had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine now; however they were poorly at birth and needed to be christened immediately. But luckily, your brother came in and named them.

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh suffering Jesus, not Paddy ... he's a clueless idiot. Anticipating the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well then, what is my daughter's name?"

"Denise," says the doctor.

The mother is very relieved "Wow, that's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about Paddy ... I do like Denise."
Then she asks, "What's the boy's name?"




Seamus asked Pat how he got his terrible black eye.

"Begorra, ye'll never believe this," said Pat, "but, I confess, I got it in church."

Pat said he'd been sitting behind a fat lady and when they stood for hymns he noticed her dress was creased into the centre of her bum-cheeks.
"So I leant forward to pull it out and she turned and hit me!"

Some days later, Seamus was surprised to see an embarrassed Pat sporting yet another nasty black eye.

"I got it in church again," he began to explain. "Strangely, I was behind this same woman; the fat one. Anyway, when we stood for the hymns I saw her dress was creased into the cheeks of her bum. Then my little nephew Jimmy reached forward and pulled it out. But I knew the snooty cow didn't like that, so I leaned over and pushed it right back in again!"

2nd - David Bourke with:
A doctor is attending the scene of a very nasty-looking accident in Basildon, Essex, where he sees this girl badly injured at the side of the road, her head against the pavement, lying in a pool of blood.
"Now, my love..." the doctor asks her, "...where are you bleeding from?"
"I'm from Romford, innit..." said the girl, "...and wossat fackin' gotta do wiv you, anyways?"


A randy Essex girl, Tracie, of South Woodham Ferrers, began driving home late one night, stops the car, and affectionately asked her moronic boyfriend 'Dodgy Dave' if he'd like to kiss her somewhere that was "Nice and wet and very smelly".
He said "No darling," in his opinion, it "...was just way too late for them to be going out to bloody Canvey Island!"

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
The Computer Swallowed Grandma

David Bourke with:
Gaseous smell permeates New York City

A mysterious gas-like odour covered large parts of Manhattan today, leaving people from the midtown region to New York City's west side wondering what they were smelling. The Fire Department began getting calls about the odour around nine a.m., said spokesman Tim Hinchey. No cause had been identified yet. There also were unconfirmed reports of a similar smell across the river in New Jersey. In August, a gaseous smell hit parts of Queens and Staten Island, sending seven people to the hospital. Consolidated Edison, the company which provides electricity to the majority of New York City, had no immediate comment.


At last, after a prolonged police and Senate investigation, the cause of the mystery peculiar yeasty ammonia-like smell was identified as due to one Frederick Rothstein, a computer systems geek from Trenton, New Jersey, having eaten several dodgy cold curried egg and oily pickled onion white sesame bagels with some suspect hot pastrami with mushroom on rye, and letting a quite seismic, oh-so majestic one really rip. Twice. Oy! Mr Rothstein happily apologised to the residents of New York and in the surrounding downwind areas, but nevertheless he was completely banned from commuting on the Staten Island Ferry ever again, and committed.
Oh whoopee!

Andrew Brehaut with:
A nun is standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab. A cab stops and picks her up. During the ride, she notices that the portly, very old driver is staring at her fondly.

When she asks him why, he states, "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you."

She responds, "You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I think I have heard just about everything."

The cab driver then explains, "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun give me oral sex."

She replies, "Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions. First, you have to be single, and second, you have to be a Catholic."

Immediately the cab driver answers, "Oh, yes! I'm set! I'm Catholic and single!"

The nun replies, "Pull into that alley over there."

The cab driver pulls into the alley and the nun goes for it. Afterwards, the cab driver is sobbing.

The nun presses, "My fair child, what's the matter?"

He weeps, "Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I lied...I'm married and Jewish!"

The nun replies, "That's okay. My name's John. I'm a fag and on my way to a costume party!"


In a British church, a simple janitor was cleaning the empty pews between services when he was disrupted by the minister.

The minister asked the janitor, "Can you go into the confessional and listen to them for me as I really have to go into the Baptisms today and virtuous Widow McVay is coming here. She talks a lot but never really does anything worthy of deep repentance, so when she's done, give her five Hail Mary's and I'll be right back."

Being the helpful type, he agreed. As expected, the Widow McVay came in and started her confession. "In truth, I have done the unforgivable when I was privy to lusty carnal thoughts and then had licentious oral sex. Save me."

Stunned, the unsure janitor was hard put about how to handle the situation and thinks, 'Surely five Hail Mary's would not do.' In desperation, he peered his head out of the confessional and innocently asked a passing altar boy. "What does the minister give for giving head?"

In reply, the shy altar boy murmured skittishly, "Five Mars Bars and a Fanta."

Tony Crafter with:
The kids called me awful things at school so one day, I turned and said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me."


And, smash! Unbelievably, It did the trick! No more rude, luckless, goddamn name-abuse! Yes, from then on, it was sticks and stones all the way.

Dan Fortier with:
Two anagrammers were Deli lunching, when Tony stated,
"Oh, no! all my soy noodles and Oreos are gone, and I'm still hungry."
Larry replied, "That is a pity, son; let's have a bunch of bananas."
He added, "...AND CHEW THIS."
Tony asked, "What?"
Larry said, "THE SANDWICH."


Two anagrammers were high on a hillside watching women's underpants.
Tony said, "Hey, hey, that honey in white sandals nearly fell over. She should stand up dead straight. "
Larry said, "A BLONDE CAN'T."
Tony asked, "No? How come?"
Larry said, "NOT BALANCED."

Don P. Fortier with:
A warning is pronounced to a son via a fortune teller, namely "Your dad will be deceased soon." He expected news of the grim presage when his mom called, sounding upset. "We found our old mailman dead on the porch this morning!"


One well-regarded local hospital announced in their daily radio ads : "Anyone suffering depression because of PMS should come to our new medical program."

The next morning, eight women showed up...and twelve thousand men.

Rosie Perera with:
"We are eager to tunnel under the Atlantic and bring the Old World some weeks nearer to the New; but perchance the first news that will leak through into the broad, flapping American ear will be that the Princess Adelaide has the whooping cough." - Henry David Thoreau.


Technology gives us instantaneous, chilling, and graphical news from around the world. But eek! Do we need to hear about the woman whose bra stopped a bullet? The cattle herd which killed an errant deer? The partial finger which a teen ate? The partner with green hair?

Christopher Sturdy with:
Manchester United, Chelsea, Liverpool, Arsenal, Bolton, Portsmouth, Tottenham Hotspur, Everton, Reading, Manchester City, Blackburn Rovers, Fulham, Aston Villa, Newcastle United, Middlesbrough, Sheffield United, Wigan Athletic, West Ham United, Charlton Athletic, Watford.


Twenty football clubs make up England's Premier League in the current season.

Dull Dull Dull

The narrow division isn't competitive. Mr. Abramovich hinders. The shit bought the last two titles - harsh, when most concerned can't afford a darn team let alone catch the favourite.


1st - Meyran Kraus with:

2nd - David Bourke with:
The Tale Of Peter Rabbit

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
e-mail to: ALL MY FRIENDS


Hi Friends!

You HAVE to read this and pass it on! I am already carrying out No.3!

(1) Telemarketers:
Say 3 words: "Hold on please..."
Do this, put down your phone and walk off (instead of hanging-up), and it will make each call so long that boiler-room sales will grind to a halt. When you eventually hear the phone-company's "beep-beep" tone, go back and hang up your handset, as it has now efficiently completed its task. These 3 words will help eliminate phone-soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls where no one is there? This is a telemarketing technique! A machine makes calls and records the time of day a person answers. This is used to ascertain the best time for a "real" salesman to call back and find someone in. If ever you get a silent call, hit your hash button rapidly, 6 or 7 times. This confuses the mechanical caller and kicks your number from its system!

(3) Junk Mail:
When you get "ads" enclosed with utility bills, return the "ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away. When you receive those "pre-approved" letters for credit cards and loans, do not discard the "return" envelope, as most of these are "postage-paid". It costs them more than the regular 24p postage, BUT ONLY IF THEY RECEIVE THEM BACK. It costs them nothing if you throw them away! Postage was 29p before our last increase. So, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in their postage-paid return envelopes? For example; send an ad for a local chimney cleaner to American Express, or a pizza voucher to Citibank. If you got nothing else that day, then send their blank application back! If you want it to be anonymous, don't put your name on anything you return. You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to keep them guessing! It is still costing them 24p; and every 24p mounts up!

Banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but we need to OVERWHELM them with 1,000s! Let THEM see what it's like to get loads of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!

The Royal Mail also stuffs local adverts through your mailbox. I put them back in their own Post Boxes. Good fun, eh?!
Let's keep our postal service busy since they say e-mails cut into their profits, which means they have to increase costs again.

If enough people follow these tips, they'll work!



e-mail to: ALL MY FRIENDS


Hello Merrymakers!

Now that the New Year is upon us, I'd just like to extend my thanks and appreciation to all of you who've thoughtfully taken the time and trouble to send me those well-chosen "Forwards" over the past 12 months.

Thank you all for making me feel so safe, happy, blessed and healthy. My added thanks to the people who sent me the e-mail about rats' crap in the glue on envelopes, as I now have to go get a wet towel every time I seal my envelopes. Also, I love Dr Peppers yet, just because of your concern, I must scrub the top of every single can I open just in case the shopkeeper had some dry piddle (or worse!) on his hands.

I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know that it can remove toilet stains, which isn't a particularly appealing characteristic. Not to mention the zippy fact that it eats-away a T-Bone steak in about 3 days! Furthermore, I no longer check the coin returns on pay phones because my finger could be pricked with an infected needle-tip that may be riddled with AIDS. I don't use deodorants just in case they cause cancers, even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I don't go to shopping centres because some psycho might drug me with a cologne sample, nor do I eat KFCs because their "chickens" are actually terrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer worry about my soul because at the last count, I had 36,324 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I've learned that God will only answer my prayers if I forward these e-mails to twenty of my friends and make a wish within thirty minutes. I no longer have any savings because I just gave them all to a sick girl on the internet who is about to die horribly in some third-world hospital (for the 372,294th time).

In fact, I no longer possess any money at all - but that will change once I receive the phenomenal sums that Microsoft and AOL are quickly sending me for participating in their special online e-mail-system program.

Yes, I want to express my thanks to you all so much for doggedly looking out for me that I will now return the favour!

If you don't send this e-mail off to at least 124,000 people in the next twenty minutes, a huge donkey with teeth like razor blades will promptly turn up and rip your privates clean off at 5PM this afternoon. I know this will happen because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbour's mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician's sister's dog.

David Bourke with:

Tony Blair is on an official visit to a hospital in Edinburgh. Accompanied by his wife Cherie, of course, plus several doctors and nurses, the local Health Trust managers, police, his bodyguards and all the usual Labour advisors and flunkeys, he enters a ward full of patients that have no obvious signs at all of any injuries or illnesses, and he proceeds to go over and make his usual hollow small-talk with the first patient that he sees.

The patient glares at the Prime Minister for a second or two, then bellows at him: "Fair fa your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o' the puddin' race, ahoon them a ye take yer place, painch, tripe or thairm, as langs my airm!"

Blair, despite of course being a fellow Scot, is a little confused by this outburst, and so he just nods, says "Er, thanks", grins nervously, and then moves rapidly on. He then goes over to the gentleman in the next cubicle, who suddenly sits bolt upright in his bed, and who then, wild-eyed, shouts at Blair: "Some hae meat an canna eat, and some wad eat that want it. But we hae meat an we can eat, so let the Lord be thankit!"

By now even more confused, and his pearly-white grin now rictus-like, Blair coughs nervously, then moves swiftly on to the next patient, who stands up on his bed, his back to the wall, and immediately begins to holler at a very worried-looking Blair: "Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty, o the panic in thy breasty, thou needna start awa sae hastie, wi bickering brattle."

By now seriously troubled by what he has experienced, Blair turns to one of the doctors accompanying him around the hospital, and asks rather concernedly: "Well, erm...look, doctor, but I...um...don't understand at all...what IS this place, is it like...some kind of mental ward, or something?"

"Och no, Prime Minister, now don't you be silly..." replies the doctor, "...this is the Serious Burns Unit!"


Scottish actor Sir Sean Connery was once a guest on 'Parkinson', and bragged on about his libido...that despite being seventy-two years of age, he had to have sexual intercourse three times a night. Cilla Black was also a guest, and looked utterly fascinated. After the show, still missing her late husband Bobby, she said: "Sir Sean, now I 'ope I'm not being inappropriate...but it's just that I'd luv to 'ave it off with yer! Let's shoot back to my 'ouse, we could 'ave a lorra lorra laughs!"

Sir Sean was tempted, so they went to her place. Once indoors, after a few glasses of wine, they ripped their clothes off, went to bed, and had an hour of mad, passionate, romantic, orgasmic intimate lovemaking... no inhibitions. Afterwards, Sir Sean says, "You think that romp wash good? Jusht let me shleep an hour, and we can have better shex. But on one condition...while I'm shleeping, could ye hold ma ballsh in your left hand and ma wullie in your right hand". Cilla looks a bit confused, but says "Ok, chuck!"

Connery sleeps an hour, awakens, and they have a similar, but even better torrid procreation session than before, on and on...contorting like two dirty rabbits. After, Sir Sean, perspiring profusely, says: "Shilla, that wash dishtinctly divine! Wonderful, I admit! But couldn't you let me shleep TWO hoursh? We can have the besht shex ever! But you'll have to..."

- "...I know, Sean", Cilla replied "...yer want me to 'old onto yer bat and balls...it isn't a problem, hun".

She complies with the routine. The results are terrific, absolutely terrific! Mindblowing! Once finished, Sir Sean, worn-out, lit a post-bonk cigarette, and she asked him, "Sean, now tell me this...me 'oldin yer nads in one 'and, and yer cock in the other one...does it really stimulate yer that much?"

Sir Sean muttered "No, not particularly, Shilla, but lasht time I shlept with a shcousher, she shtole ma damned wallet!".

Andrew Brehaut with:
The Last Ten Years - Kenny Rogers

Tony Crafter with:

Christopher Sturdy with:
Days by Philip Larkin


1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
a huge pair of breasts =
Ah, grasp for beauties.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The US singer Britney Spears =
Bares her pussy? Interesting!

eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Testicles here ~
see clits there.

eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The American burlesque performer Dita Von Teese =
Termed 'Queen of strip'. Man, I love her cute, bare arse!

David Bourke with:
Doing what comes naturally =
Goal: The worm in a lady's cunt

David Bourke with:
The Reckitt Benckiser 'Lysol' disinfectant spray =
I'd best clean Tony Crafter's shitty knicker piles!

David Bourke with:
Rise to the occasion =
Erect, so has coition!

David Bourke with:
The Queen lead singer Freddie Mercury =
Yes men, a quite rude red-ringed felcher!

David Bourke with:
Southampton =
"Hamptons out!"

David Bourke with:
Euphrates =
Up the arse.

David Bourke with:
Highest rapture =
Right up the arse!

David Bourke with:
A short penis =
No spear, this!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Vaginal intercourse =
To secure anal virgin.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Vaginal intercourse ~
alters a virgin on cue!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Sri Lanka =
Anal risk?

Andrew Brehaut with:
Fruity aroma? =
I am your fart!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Method for obtaining a urine sample =
Aim some penile froth in a bag. No turd!

Andrew Brehaut with:
The lil' Bush =
Bullshit, eh!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Lesbian's incestuous relationships =
She oils aunt's bit or lips niece's anus!

Tony Crafter with:
Spiderman's penis ~
spins rapid semen!

Tony Crafter with:
Hellmann's Extra Light Mayonnaise =
Slam in the man-hole, trying anal-sex!

Tony Crafter with:
Iguana Mozart's erection problems =
I lop creature's most amazing boner!

Meyran Kraus with:
"Erotic sensation" =
So, it's an erection.

Paul Pan with:
Eat pussy =
Sup yeast.

Paul Pan with:
Dick and Jane ~
jack and dine.

Paul Pan with:
USA types ~
eat pussy.

Adie Pena with:
"Duty in ~

Adie Pena with:
Bares it all. =
I rate balls.

Adie Pena with:
Toucherism =
Ouch, mister!

Adie Pena with:
Tribadism ~
amid Brits.

Adie Pena with:
Frotteurism =
Metro fruits.

Adie Pena with:
In boxer shorts =
O, shit! No sex. Brr!

Rick Rothstein with:
The newest Miss America, Lauren Nelson: ~
"Men near me howl, 'Nice tits, sensual arse!'"

Christopher Sturdy with:
His highest rapture: ~
I shag her up shitter.

View with:
The Guinness Book of Records =
Fucking heroes or noted s.o.b's?

The Anagrammy Awards