Complete list of nominations for May, 2007

MAY, 2007 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2007

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

Eq. 1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End =
The noble epic of bandits was rated "Arr!" ;)

Eq. 1st - Scott Gardner with:
Puff the magic dragon lived by the sea =
Inhaled pot drug may have big effects!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's famous paintings of Water Lilies =
Images of a flower in actual sunlit pond, it seems.

Tony Crafter with:
Elgar’s ‘Enigma Variations’ =
As revolting as a migraine!

Adie Pena with:
'Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft' =
Carpenters frantically contacting UFO pal.

Adie Pena with:
Country's boys shall sing ~
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young.

David Bourke with:
'Tony Blair - The Man Behind the Smile' - Leo Abse =
Bemoaned in shame, one shabby little Hitler.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The Gospel Singer Whitney Houston =
She's not white, young or English, pet!

Adie Pena with:
Spider-Man 3 =
Me? A 3rd spin!

Mike Stephens with:
tinmantree.net =
Entertainment.

Mike Stephens with:
-entertainment.- ~
team-n-inter.net-

Adie Pena with:
Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece 'Notorious' =
Director's perfect (i.e., "I am no slouch at shock.")

Andrew Brehaut with:
Memoirs of a Geisha =
Image of a hero miss.

View with:
'The Lion King' (Walt Disney) =
Ain't the kids yelling now!

Rosie Perera with:
A Catholic soeur, Sister Wendy Beckett =
Yes, but I seek to teach world scenic art.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Star Wars IV: A New Hope =
Tops! We saw Han arrive.

Rosie Perera with:
Dreamworks Animation's "Shrek the Third" movie =
Kids' warm devotion marks him as their net hero.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Windows Vista for Dummies - Andy Rathbone =
forum saved many idiots with brand new OS.

Neil Ramsay with:
Literary reviews =
Ails every writer.

Tony Crafter with:
Singer Melinda Doolittle =
Some talented girl in 'Idol'.

Don Rogers with:
Cable television =
Viable selection

Paul Pan with:
Blind Faith's notorious cover =
Turns vision of child too bare

Adie Pena with:
Top Directors See the Future ~
Re: Outset of Three-D Pictures

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
It is better to say nothing and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. =
Proved by Tony Blair (at the long, monotonous "Adieu!" monologue) that that's the bona-fide truth!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Mary Poppins had a grand plan. She retired in San Diego U.S.A., became a classy fortuneteller specializing in toxic breath. ~
She penned an ad in a magazine, plus placed a sign by the terrace door, blaring: "Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis."

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
It is better to say nothing and be thought stupid than to open one's mouth and to remove all lingering doubt =
Too bad no-one told tough top man President Bush. Then the absolutely genuine idiot might not start raving.

David Bourke with:
'The Unfulfilled Prime Minister: Tony Blair's Quest for a Legacy' - Peter Riddell =
Declared it'll quite fully redefine three terms of smiling Labour Party spin.

Tony Crafter with:
Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof =
Lovely, rich, teenaged female clot sobs, "Help!" cos she has a long name!

Ellie Dent with:
O, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive =
We see sweet wee bairn...oh gawd, view that contraceptive, flawed.

Tony Crafter with:
"Gold is good in its place but living, brave, patriotic men are better than gold." =
"Painted glitter? It's good - but epic, God-given valor is better." (Abraham Lincoln)

sundogg99 with:
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life =
The brave man with inflammable underclothes and mufti swore, "Oh, a firefighter bell is anathema for me."

Neil Ramsay with:
Sorry, can I add - That arse Brown will soon not only rule it in England ~
but worryingly, also in Scotland, Wales and in Northern Ireland too.

sundogg99 with:
War is God's way of teaching Americans about geography =
Faraway cowboy antics, sagging US image... hatred or hope?

Andrew Brehaut with:
Bitter divorce proceedings of Greg "The Shark" Norman. =
Ogre traded going broke for tennis champ Chris Evert.

Richard Brodie with:
Hillary Clinton is running for president of the United States of America. =
Don't let philanderer's menacing hussy, an irritant, in our loftiest office.

Richard Brodie with:

Barack Hussein Obama is running for President of the United States of America. =
Unseasoned man surfaced up in front? I bet that scenario is a big mistake - for HER!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know." (US Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld)

=
Hindsight is wonderful.

And know what? No one knew then, when we went, whether any WMD's were found there or not. Talks soon got tense. US knew. Others knew not. Were we wrong when keen, to ask UK to act: take on terror, undertake wars with Bush, and attack? No.

Nonsense, frankly.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know. (US Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld)"

=

"What-ho, Blair! Ok?"
"Who's there?"
"War-Winner!"
"George! Ok!"
"Found any lawless nukes yet?"
"We went downtown at the weekend - found nowt."
"No nuke deterrents?"
"No."
"Underground rockets? Networks?"
"No."
"Frankenstein's monster?"
"Te he!"
"Wanna kick ass then?"
"What ... war? Wow! When?"
"The tenth?"
"Ok!"
"Thanks."

3rd - Richard Grantham with:
"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know." (US Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld)

=

Most Westerners now know that his unenlightened guesswork back then was utter twaddle. Therefore we intend not to kowtow to the headstrong old sheriff, and we announce: "There are known hawks, yet no unknown hawks; there are known wankers, yet no unknown wankers."

Paul Pan with:
"One ruthless hawk's token trek of WMD was inane 'n' tacky nonsense. We keek in shock 'n' awe-torn downtown Baghdad. Nukes seen? Not! Tenet flunks! The fake guise to thwart terrorist horror wrongly drew the US to the awkward 'n' wanton war. Oh, we need entente! Who? When? UN-known!"

Rosie Perera with:
Hell, not new; when sung, it's a koan -- you know, that kind of fresh, haiku-like work of debunked nonsense art that renowned, rotten, wanton, drunken, Western, wacko hawks utter when they get awoken downtown, strewn among newscasters on weekends, whether or not there's war.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"We knew not when we'd want to hoodwink the US, take on one sunken weak-kneed tyrant, watch men go knock down renowned one's statue and then start new wars on terror where we knew there was oil strength." (Nonsense translator for hawkish Bush flunky with forked tongue)

View with:
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow! When known keen snot insane American general rants, trying to talk raft, token, with sense, reasonably. Though kenned unneeded words, kenned unneeded sentences, stark-stark-stark-stark effete, rotten-rotten-rotten. Huh, huh, huh, honk, honk!

David Bourke with:
"Ok...I lied, then! When there's the watered-down known utter lies that we know of, and there's the known huge "unknown" ones that we 'don't know of', we now know that unknowns are known as my greatest known weakness. Cheers, suckers!"

- The renowned arrogant fraudster Tony Blair

Andrew Brehaut with:
Now, George's token hero doesn't warrant new knowledge about:
- when to hunt unwanted Kurds
- when to concede to the Koran
- when wed kinky western senators kiss new staff interns
- ten new Hanukkah networks
- A North Korean man's drunken way
- how the two white towers fell

Tony Crafter with:
NONSENSE-KNOWHOW

Start a wickerwork-statement of darn nonsense where no one knows what the heck you're talking about.

Then sew a needlework-knot of further nonsense with 'known/unknown' keywords.

Now get whitewash. Add, and retranslate.

Utter, "Whew!"

Then get drunk.

Neil Ramsay with:
OK, so we knew we went to war with no UN Mandate.

OK, so we knew that we alienated thousands of tense, unthankful, northern townsfolks.

OK, and we knew we strengthened rotten, insurgent ranks in the north.

So then Condy, where's North Korea?

Yankee Redneck Bush (www.war.org)

Dan Fortier with:
"Terror threatens us.
Young Sunni gents threaten us.
Freedom's a threat.
Heck, you're a threat! (French wanker!)

Don't ask what's NOT a threat. Don't know. Don't ask. Don't tell."

Don drinks brew, then 'e flew...

"We know, we know, we know, we know, we know, we know:... ain't no sunshine when he's gone."

Christopher Sturdy with:
"A think tank's what we think we want
and when we think, we want tanks.
No-one's keener to make tracks or bucks.
One Gulf war's not enough.
The US shook when Two Towers fell.

None need wonder who sent The War On Terror
Deny UN, for In God We Trust...
The sky darkens and now we enter."

Adrian Hickford with:
The Front-to-End Ten-Word Association

Nonsense ::
George W. Bush :: Saddam :: Loathe :: Hate ::
The Holy War :: Death :: Undertaker :: Wake ::
Frankenstein :: Regret :: The End ::
Nonsense ::

For the Key 'Net Links:
The War Network (www.war-network.co.uk)
The Knowns Unknown (www.the-knowns-unknown.to.us)

Michael Omstead with:
Unkennelled Westerner war-hounds wow the States with foreknown WMD untruths (nowhere!), engineer keen "Baghdad network" nonsense, further skew a weak federal knowhow. What wanton testosterone! What wanton sneaky tycoon cohorts! That knotwork needs unkinking.

Adie Pena with:
Attention, brethren. Who knew?

Are shrunken growth trends, nuke warhead hunts nonsense? World news, detentes, death watches 'tween hearsay or fact?

Awaken to the naked truth! Now I know, now you know, now we know: Knowledge is strength.

(Wank off, rotten skunk! No more lies!)

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
An Englishman, Reg, was out walking with a Frenchman and Welshman, when he found a lantern. He rubbed it, and out popped a genie!

"I'll give you each one wish," said the genie.

Dai said, "I'm a farmer and I want the land to be fertile in Wales."

With a blink of the genie's eye, 'BOOM'! - the Welsh land was forever made fertile.

Pierre said, "I want a wall round France so that no one can come into our precious country. With a blink of the genie's eye, 'BOOM' ! - a huge wall appeared round France.

Reg asked, "I'm very curious, tell me more about this wall."

The genie explained, "It is about two hundred metres high, forty metres thick and nothing can get in or out."

The Englishman said, "Okay. Fill it up with water".

=

Vladimir Putin, George Bush and Tony Blair were strolling along the beach together after a Heads of Power meeting, when they came across a green bottle washed up on the sand. The men picked it up and opened it, and out flew a genie!

"I am free! I am free!" cried the genie, "And, in return, I shall grant each of you a wish."

Putin sniffed, "A wish? Well, I have one main wish; I would like you to drop a giant nuclear bomb on infernal America."

"Warfare! Oh man, wild!" exclaimed Bush. "In that case, I want the same. I would like you to drop a giant nuclear bomb on infernal Russia."

"And what would you like, Tony?" asked the genie.

"What? Oh ...I'm still thinking," he answered. "Serve the other two gentlemen first."

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:

Below are a few favored entries from the Washington Post's Style Invitational archives, in which readers were asked to alter words by a single letter, redefining them as a result:

Fuhrenheit: The temperature in Hell.

Eruditz: A philosophy professor who can't figure out how to work the copying machine.

Fearcical: Ludicrous yet vaguely alarming. "There's a fearcical rumor we're going to invade Venezuela."

Emacidate: Go out with a fashion model.

Demoticon: A little symbol signifying bad news on an e-mail from the boss.

Unergy: A condition that strikes people on the way to work, mostly on Mondays.

Entrophy: The consequence of resting on one's laurels.

Enguish: What elocution teachers feel when they hear the president on the radio.

Fatulence: That squishing noise of thighs rubbing together.

Foresking: The best mohel in town.

Forget-me-note: A Dear John letter.

=

Let me try the unique concept, by anagramming literature:

"A Net Perp": The Boy Who Would Not Grow Up goes too far when chatting with teens online.

"Thelma": The prince of Denmark struggles with serious gender issues.

"On A Hive": Sir Walter Scott's hero proves to be no match to a ferocious swarm of annoyed bees.

"Row, Mateys!": Mark Twain's tale of one young rogue and his friend Huck Finn who lead a fierce mutiny on a hobo-slave ship.

"The Hog Farted": Mario Puzo's novel, where one pig's flatulence sets off the legendary fight between cruel mobs in the N.Y. Zoo.

"1849": The eerie story imagining Ireland as a totalitarian society, in which the famished folk are not allowed to eat the potatoes.

"Cheery In The Cart": J.D. Salinger's Holden forgets his troubled melancholy for one gleeful ride in his little wagon.

"Vitriol Stew": The Dickensian urchin regrets the request: "May I have another?"

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Clinton was the guest of an African leader who suggested that the former American president play their national game of "African Roulette."

When his sociable host mentioned that it was related to "Russian Roulette," the cocky Clinton meanly asked, "Oh, okay, but isn't this patriotic idiocy dangerous?"

"Ho-ho-ho! Believe me, I..." Before his host could finish his reply, an aide rang a bell and six very haute (and almost nude) women came out. ~

"You can pick any one of these fashionable svelte women to give you oral sex," he told Clinton.

This immediately gained Clinton's attention. "What? I am to snatch any beautiful pussy?!"

He was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to him. "But how on earth is this fellatio related to damn Russian Roulette?" the irascible former president asked.

And the gregarious African leader responded, "Alright, one of them is a cannibal."

David Bourke with:
The Right Honourable Anthony Charles Lynton Blair, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, and Member of Parliament for Sedgefield.

=

You embodiment of a scheming, domineering, abhorrent, high-handed, remarkably inept, self-important little Adolf Hitler...No Ten's "Fuhrer".

Neil Ramsay with:
"But believe one thing if nothing else, I did what I thought was RIGHT for our country. And I came into office with high HOPES for Britain's future, and, you know, I leave it with even higher hopes for Britain's future."

=

Tony, is it RIGHT that our brave, ambitious officers have died in vain fighting for that idiotic heathen Bush in the Gulf war?

In our future with Brown, we HOPE the White House no longer defines UK foreign policy.

Rosie Perera with:
"What this country needs -- what every country needs occasionally -- is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends." (Ambrose Bierce)

=

Oh, no! What this country needs is a new president. Bush is a totally dishonest idiot, a Rove-invented character who fooled America & concocted a very expensive war. ("Go bomb a city!" "Yes, sir!")

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Neil Ramsay with:
Desiderata

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A sonnet by Alfred Lord Tennyson

3rd - David Bourke with:
Tony Blair was visiting a primary school, when they were in the middle of a discussion about words and their meanings. The teacher asked the Prime Minister if he would like to lead the discussion on the meaning of the word "tragedy".

So the illustrious Labour leader asked the class to give him an example of tragedy. One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend who lives on a farmyard is playing in the field and some tractor runs him over and kills him then that would be a tragedy".

"Actually, no," said Blair, "...that would just be an accident."

One little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff killing everybody inside would that be a tragedy, then?"

"No, I'm afraid not," explained the Prime Minister, "that's just what we would call a great loss. The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Tony searched the room.

"Look, is there not someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the classroom, a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "Please sir...if the airplane carrying you and Mrs Blair was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown completely to smithereens that would be a tragedy".

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Tony Blair. "That's absolutely right. And can you please tell me why that would be a tragedy, young man?"

"Well," says the boy, "...it has to be a tragedy, because it wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either!"

=

One day Tony Blair, who was out jogging along the side of a river, accidentally fell backwards from the bank, and, alas, crashed headfirst downwards into the cold waters.

Three schoolboys playing by the river saw the accident. Without a second thought, the boys waded into the water and pulled the careless Prime Minister out of the river, soaking wet. After drying himself off and cleaning himself up, an ashamed and rather embarrassed Blair breathlessly exclaimed to the schoolmates: "Well done, boys! Today, you saved the life of the elected Right Honourable Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland...a heroic, unselfish achievement! It's extremely important that you all get a reward...you each deserved it. You name it, and I shall give it to you!"

"Well, I'd like some new trainers...some Nike Air Turbos," the first boy said.

"Of course. I shall go and buy them myself. In fact, allow me to present them to you in my Downing Street headquarters!" gabbled the grateful Blair.

The second boy said, excitedly, "Please Tony, I'd very much like a ticket to go on vacation in Disneyland Florida!"

"Fantastic! I shall personally hand it to you," said Mr. Blair, beaming.

"I want a wheelchair" said the third boy.

"Certainly! No problems, I shall personally get one, and...like, just a minute...you're not handicapped!", Blair exclaimed, aghast.

"Well, no...but I will be when my dad finds out that I saved you from drowning, you useless little bastard!"

Tony Crafter with:
Singin' In The Rain

Richard Grantham with:
Morning Song

The Anagrammy Awards

MAY, 2007 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY