Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2008


1st - Adie Pena with:
Yes, most realized later ~
size really does matter!

eq2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Antique furniture =
Quainter in future.

eq2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Overwound bankers =
Nervous breakdown

Neil Ramsay with:
Vibrates =
It's a verb.

View with:
A grandfather =
Ah, fart danger!

Tony Crafter with:
Macular degeneration =
No miracle guaranteed

Tony Crafter with:
Bum supporters =
Superb to rumps!

Paul Klenk with:
Merchandise ~
cheers a mind.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Unfettered capitalism =
I trust, tap in, am fleeced

Rick Rothstein with:
A torrid love scene? ~
Read erotic novels.

Adie Pena with:
Poisoned chalice =
Polished cocaine.

Adie Pena with:
Breakfast, lunch and dinner =
Lean brunch, feast and drink.

Dharam Khalsa with:
To each his own =
Whoa! No ethics?

James Bigglesworth with:
Breakfast, lunch and dinner =
KFC-land ends in a heartburn.

View with:
Cutthroat =
Act to hurt.

Rosie Perera with:
Loss of air pressure in flight =
Serious fears spilling forth.

Paul Klenk with:
Alas, girly man's ~
silly anagrams!

Paul Klenk with:
Typical man ‡
Cat in my lap.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Foul, vile anagram ~
of marginal value.

Paul Pan with:
Foreclosures ‡
cure roofless!

Paul Klenk with:
Polite civilization ‡
Vile politicization

Paul Klenk with:
Gourmet =
More gut.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Be too wealthy ~
to obey the law

Paul Klenk with:
An excellent anagram ~
can relax a gentleman.

Rosie Perera with:
A homeless person =
Sore, hopeless man.

Neil Ramsay with:
RBS Manager is ~

Paul Pan with:
A chubbier ~

Dharam Khalsa with:
"There's too much caffeine ~
in mocha coffee," he utters.

Rosie Perera with:
Cheap carbohydrates ~
shape body, character.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Transrealism =
In art's realms

View with:
Religious fundamentalist =
I fall, I use trust in God. Amen!

Dharam Khalsa with:
An Internet forum =
Man, I often return!

Dharam Khalsa with:
An Internet message board =
I debate no-name strangers!

Adie Pena with:
Hydrogen sulfide gas =
Friend had "lousy eggs"!

Ellie Dent with:
You are history =
I hate you... sorry.

Rosie Perera with:
Fallopian tubes =
Plans about life.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Dried flower arrangements =
Redeem garlands for winter.

Larry Brash with:
The French Impressionist School of Artists =
He's from this short list of concise painters.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
to understand the lab bench ~
burn the candle at both ends

Adie Pena with:
Click here to submit a new post. =
Select our best pick with a NOM!


1st - Ellie Dent with:
Water Lilies ('Nympheas') by Claude-Oscar Monet =
I create many atmospheric blues, and yellows.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Raphael, "Deposition from the Cross" =
Paint corpse of the Lord or Messiah

3rd - View with:
Famous actress Katie Holmes =
Hot female ass. Ask Tom Cruise.

Adie Pena with:
Tenor Placido =
Old 'n' operatic.

Tony Crafter with:
Walt Disney's 'High School Musical' =
Long, acclaimed hit-show is slushy.

Scott Gardner with:
Raphael's "Saint George and the Dragon" =
Lord ahorse had at engaging a serpent.

Adie Pena with:
Sasha Fierce =
Is she a farce?

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Dancing With the Stars" =
Watch their standings!

Lurk, character. with:
Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer =
Touchy, legitimate microchip program murders all.


1st - Ellie Dent with:
A crisis on Wall Street ~
will start a recession.

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
Republican campaigning =
McCain: Bugger. Palin: Pain.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Iceland to fall now, blaming ~
global financial meltdown.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Normal Joe Six-Pack American" =
Examine Palin as major crock

Adie Pena with:
Hockey mom Sarah =
Homey charm's A-OK?

Paul Klenk with:
Sub-prime mortgage =
Premium to beggars

Rick Rothstein with:
Unfettered capitalism =
Predicament... USA felt it.

Rick Rothstein with:
O.J. Simpson guilty verdict =
Providing justice... mostly.

Rick Rothstein with:
The sub-prime mortgage situation =
"Must get a big home" is routine trap!

Rosie Perera with:
The Democratic campaign =
Hear McCain got impacted.

Adie Pena with:
Most lawless there =
Oh, Wall Street mess!

Rick Rothstein with:
McCain/Palin repeating Bush ~
in the Republican's campaign.

Rick Rothstein with:
The Democrat's Obama/Biden ticket =
Can't kid me... it's become hard to beat.

Tony Crafter with:
Those politicians' wives =
Hip socialites win votes!

Adie Pena with:
The National Debt Clock =
NOT located in the black!

View with:
Hurricane Norbert =
Recent harbor ruin.

Rosie Perera with:
Corporate balance sheets =
Real obscene catastrophe.

Rosie Perera with:
Investor fear hits all-time high =
Harsh volatilities frighten me.

Adie Pena with:
"We can solve this crisis and we will." -- George Bush =
"Well, I've screwed our big, cashless nation. Sigh." -- W.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Governor Sarah Palin is guilty of the abuse of power =
Her purpose for firing a guy is not above the law, also.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Hurricane batters Western Mexico =
Norbert: A whirr causes excitement!

Neil Ramsay with:
Worst fall ~
for Wall St.

View with:
Another huge Dow loss =
Lowest. So hard! Enough!

Dharam Khalsa with:
John McCain says to David Letterman, "I screwed up." =
Nice save! Just direct some charm and downplay it.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher as Joe the Plumber =
He rejects Obama's help as pure bull. Jeez, how rum!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Fumbling at one's claim =
Global Finance Summit

Scott Gardner with:
The Troopergate scandal =
Sarah not to get replaced?

Rosie Perera with:
A landslide victory in the presidential election =
Yes, voters inclined to their candidate all pile in.

Rosie Perera with:
Etch-a-Sketch company turns one hundred this year =
Many shake such (this red product) on the centenary.

Tony Crafter with:
Songstress Madonna and Producer Guy Ritchie =
Thud! So Rocco's parents' 'undying' marriage ends?

Adie Pena with:
The Stink in Farts Controls Blood Pressure =
Pants' rotten odor curbs the risk of illness!

Rosie Perera with:
Early voting surge ~
reveals young grit.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Conservatives for McCain-Palin" ~
if animal crap convinces voters!

Rosie Perera with:
The Godless Americans Political Action Committee =
Democrats came in to compel atheistic legislation.


1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Bruce Palin =

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Runner Lord Sebastian Newbold Coe =
Unbeatable Londoner wins records

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sarah Louise and Todd Mitchell Palin =
The dud political lass and her oilman

Ellie Dent with:
Monsieur Edouard Manet =
Moi? Use a nude? Modern art.

Adie Pena with:
The dramatist William Shakespeare =
Saw "Hamlet." It's a sheer mad part I like!

Adie Pena with:
The Spanish Catalan tenor Josep Carreras i Coll =
Ah, opera star Jose enchants critics; no parallel!

Paul Klenk with:
Barack Hussein Obama =
Skin! Aroma! Such a babe!

Ellie Dent with:
The author, W. E. Johns =
Who he? Just A N Other.

Tony Crafter with:
Piers Stefan Pughe-Morgan =
Grin often appears smug, eh?

Dharam Khalsa with:
CNN legal host, Nancy Grace =
Catch angry glance on lens.

Scott Gardner with:
The old master Titian =
Oh, I'm talented artist!

David Bourke with:
The Prime Minister Gordon Brown =
Borrowing renders him impotent!

View with:
Chairman Bernanke =
A rich 'n' mean banker.

View with:
Oleg Vladimirovich Deripaska =
I am rich; I grip deals, love vodka!

Adie Pena with:
The SNL impersonator Tina Fey =
First-rate! Palin's on the money!

David Bourke with:
Leonard Goodman =
An old-aged moron.

Adie Pena with:
George "Dubya" Bush =
D'oh! Bye, U.S.A. bugger!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Christine Lagarde, France's foremost money woman =
Can a former synchronised swimmer get one afloat?

David Bourke with:
Oleg Deripaska =
A godlike spear!


1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
US Election Day =
You and I select

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
The Mediterranean island of Cyprus =
Suntan's a perfect holiday reminder.

3rd - Mick Tully with:
The Republican Party =
Elephant-crap - Bury it!

Rosie Perera with:
The Double-O Thong "bum bra" =
Ah, bound her bottom bulge.

Adie Pena with:
Lancome ‡

Adie Pena with:
Budweiser Light =
Dilute brew. (Sigh.)

Adie Pena with:
Transportation Security Administration =
It's one damn irritant at U.S. city airports, no?

Paul Klenk with:
Ambien =
I ban 'em.

Rosie Perera with:
The Haunted Mansion in Disney's Magic Kingdom =
I imagine unkind demons and ghosts at chimney.

View with:
The Caribbean islands =
Here sit bad cannibals

Andrew Brehaut with:
The British National Party's Mini Manifesto =
No rise of Islam in that empty Britannia shit

Scott Gardner with:
The Grand Mosque =
Themes: God, Qur'an

Rosie Perera with:
International Brotherhood of Police Officers =
Or: filial notion for cops to befriend each other.

Tony Crafter with:
The International Monetary Fund (IMF) =
They lent infirm nation a fortune. Mad!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Disney Television Channel =
Childish lines, even to a NY teen!

Adie Pena with:
White House =
He-he! W is out!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Kyoto Protocol on Climate Change =
Take control to champion ecology


1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
Rodgers and Hammerstein hit musical "The Sound of Music" =
Fond Miss teaches smug Austrian children to hum "Do Re Mi"

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The four group members: Benny Andersson, Bjorn Ulvaeus, Anni-Frid Lyngstad, Agnetha Faltskog.=
The famous ABBA. Stunning girls and jolly guys sang 'Fernando', then broke up forever. Smart end!

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
An African American as President of the United States? =
Can interested enthusiasm defeat frantic paranoias?

Dharam Khalsa with:
"When good people in any country cease their vigilance and struggle, then evil men prevail." Pearl S. Buck =
Clever planning can rig the November election; we each should investigate, proudly speaking up early.

Adie Pena with:
My greatest ambition in life now is to have a really exciting threesome.

While I haven't proudly achieved that dream ~
immediately in here, eh, I have made love with one attractive girl, Maria, Billy's sexy *pregnant* wife.

Oh, does that count?

Adie Pena with:
"You can't call yourself a maverick when all you've ever been is a sidekick." =
One foe evaluated McCain: "Like a lucky Bush-lover ass-licker in every way!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
"No man is lonely while eating spaghetti; it requires too much attention."ÑChristopher Morley=

The pretty girl might well critique him on Italian sauce noise or spatters on the honeymoon!

Rosie Perera with:
"How to Rig an Election: Confessions of a Republican Operative" by Allen Raymond =
McCain, losing to ebony one, could easily approve of this notable inner warfare.

DaveInLA with:
Tense America hates stupid Bush, if banks threatened too =
The President of the United States Barack Hussein Obama

Steve Reekie with:
This Anagram Artist software is way too complex for a nitwit like me to comprehend!=

I may get a few words, tweak intricate extras, compile a not too short final morphism.

Adie Pena with:
"I guarantee you that two weeks from now, you will see this has been a very close race, and I believe that I'm going to win it." =
"Don't forget to vote! We will aggressively take Obama. See you in the White House!" (Inability to win here? McCain's unaware!)

Dharam Khalsa with
Riddle: And did you hear that Joe the Plumber had to recently tell his boss he was quitting?
The drip dully told the man Thursday that he considers his job to be...well, gee...quite a drain!

David A. Green with:
The South African Society for Amateur Paleontologists =
Aha! one of you nutters might locate a triceratops fossil.


1st - Scott Gardner with:
"Who will be elected as the forty-fourth President of the United States of America?" =
That Democrat effortlessly defeats tired Republican foe to win the White House

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
"Who will be elected as the forty fourth President of the United States of America?" =
I'm totally indifferent to each side, who defeats who... suspect trouble thereafter.

3rd - David Bourke with:
Who will be elected as the forty-fourth President of the United States of America? =
No difference to me. At least Bush is out, hyperfast...farewell to the wretched idiot!

Andrew Brehaut with:
"Brehaut is the most steely candidate for the office's title!", wrote hopeful Andrew!

Dharam Khalsa with:
If the winds don't shift, I speculate Obama; or we face the hot fuse elderly totterer!

David Bourke with:
The conceited futurist Obama effortlessly defeats the inept old white war hero.

Adrian Hickford with:
White House statement: "Leader search:- we offered the difficult post to Tony Blair!"

Adie Pena with:
The trustworthy, effectual Obama will defeat the dishonest, decrepit senior foe.

Rosie Perera with:
Who will be elected as the forty-fourth President of the United States of America? =
Red States prefer the failed, obsolete, white old fart McCain to the fun, wise youth.

Neil Ramsay with:
Different web polls reiterate to the US that the Democrat should win office easy.

Adie Pena with:
Truth to tell, I do prefer the secure Obama in office than the wasted tweedy fossil.

Rosie Perera with:
McCain, but he's fated to die (his duty), therefore sweet Palin's to follow thereafter.

Adie Pena with:
Settled with Bush for Head of State? We hope your teetotaller McCain is different!

Larry Brash with:
Face the end! Obama (he's a pretty cool dude) is sure set for the win with little effort.

Neil Ramsay with:
I see daft, elated old farts seem to win the public.

Tony Crafter for The Whitehouse!

Tony Crafter with:
We fancy it's the dude who'll, in effect, defeat the terrorist. Let's hope it's our Obama!

Adie Pena with:
Can't we put off the best lady -- the hot Dharam, sweet Rosie or trusted Ellie -- in office? ;-)

Dharam Khalsa with:
Annoyed with the political aftereffects of Bush's terms, we'd tolerate either duo!

Rosie Perera with:
Detect Comet story "Defeat of Both" if we let the Russian fellow Putin "rear his head."

Rick Rothstein with:
... the sweetest, youthful, Afro-American icon or this detested, whipt, feeble old fart?

Christopher Sturdy with:
We had all better direct utmost efforts to deny the Palin arse White House office.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The messiah with a true fortitude, endorsed for effect by that tease, Colin Powell

Adie Pena with:
Often frustrated, a dated McCain will forfeit the White House yet to peerless BHO!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The election flowchart feed updates show more blue:red ratio in the fifty states.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
No testy stuffed shirt can defeat a cool-tempered liberal wit for the White House

Dharam Khalsa with
After we see the sure-bet landslide from hit 'Audacity of Hope', let's throw confetti!!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Pro-lifers who detest abortion feel safer with McCain, yet detest the adult of hue.

Steve Reekie with:
"Of those they endorsed for true ethics, few tolerated impeachable faults in twit."

Steve Reekie with:
We,the wise youth detest disrespectful rhetoric of blatant hate from failed one !

Dharam Khalsa with
I trust we'll see a Democratic win by the fifth; let's hope not to suffer a heated redo!

Mick Tully with:
Security's tottered. Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden effect White House power theft.

Dharam Khalsa with
Counterfeit-type results if we two Diebold staffers retool the machine data (Heh!)


1st - Tony Crafter with:
Read this question, come up with your answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is exactly as it appears. No one I know has got it correct yet - including myself.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy she did not know. Yet she thought this guy was amazing, the perfect stereotype dream guy, and considered him to be just the type of man she had always wanted! Straight away, she fell completely in love with him, yet, unluckily, never asked for his name or a number and could not trace him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister? (Give it some thought before you try to answer it).



Answer: She was hoping that the man would appear at the funeral again.

If you answered correctly, then this shows that you think like a psychopath. This quiz was devised by a renowned American psychologist to test which of us have the same mentality as killers.

Several arrested killers did the test and the deranged nuts answered the question correctly.

If you didn't answer the question correctly, then good for you. If you got it right, then please let me know imminently so I can remove you from my mailing list forthwith; unless that will make you mad, in which case I'll just be downright extra-nice to you from now on. Be sure to share the test!

Do remember to let me know if you got it right!

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Two elderly sisters were sitting out on a city park bench in front of a town hall where a flower show was in progress.

The older one said, "My life is getting boring. There's just no spice anymore. For ten dollars, IÕd take off my clothes and streak that stupid flower show!"

"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up ten dollars.

The first old lady fumbled out of her clothes and ran bare-naked through the door into the show.
Her sister heard a commotion in the hall -- noisy applause, followed by loud hoots and howls. Soon the wrinkled lady flew swiftly out through the front door of the show on foot, surrounded by a jolly crowd of cheering, saluting New Yorkers.

"So, what happened?" grilled the eager sister still sitting comfortably out in front.

The streaker frowned, hesitated, and then shared, "I took First Place as Best Dried Arrangement."

3rd - Adie Pena with:


Observation and surveillance help terrorists plan attacks. Have you seen anyone taking pictures of security arrangements?


If you work in vehicle hire or sales, has a sale or rental made you suspicious?


Meetings, training and planning can take place anywhere. Do you know someone who travels but is vague about where they are going?


Do you know someone who visits terrorism-related websites?


Anonymous, pay-as-you-go and stolen mobiles are typical. Have you seen someone with large quantities of mobiles? Has it made you suspicious?

CALL 0816 789 321 (54)



1. Cheesy medical office suite in an ideal unknown, eerie cave.


2. Oasis parking spot has a very conspicuous camel tied to a palm tree.


3. Television in the waiting room set to NBC/CNN.


4. Spontaneously tells you to stop eating bacon.


5. You ask the name of his gruesome surgical implements, and wise comeback is "shrapnel."


6. Alma Mater is Al Qaeda University.


7. Woe! Very unfashionable, sweet 8-year-old daughter is married.


8. Unamusedly calls your bagel a "death donut."


9. Gives you the keys to his new eye-popping Mercedes auto.


10. Ends up all sessions with a furious "Death to evil America now!"


Dharam Khalsa with:
President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said in 1933: "There must be a strict supervision of all banking and credits and investments. There must be an end to speculation with other peopleÕs money."
This man was installed in 1933 into an era the present US crisis is most often compared to: the Great Depression. Banks and vulnerable ventures bellyflopped. Indeed, it took much intervention!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The innocent organist was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her happiness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor on duty came to see her. She showed him into her sitting room and invited him to have a seat while she boiled tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister looked up and noticed a pretty cut-glass bowl sitting on top. The bowl was full of water, but on the water floated, of all things, a condom!

She returned with tea, colourful fruit and fatty cookies. While she began to pour, they talked about polite topics.~
The pastor tried to remember his manners, hush, and stifle his curiosity about the bowl and the strange floater. Soon it got the best of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said calmly, "I wonder, can you tell me about this?" pointing to the condom in the bowl on top of the organ.

"Oh, Heavens yes!" she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking home a few months ago after a rehearsal and found a package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent the spread of disease. And do you know that I haven't had the flu all winter!"

Rosie Perera with:
Broadcasters were careful to meet JapanÕs obscenity laws once he had climbed out of the water, masking images of his private parts with a blurry dot.=
Ascetical "Japan Today" made sure not to write direct words about the traveler's penis as they spoke of his charming, able, buff water gambol. Screw him!

Dharam Khalsa with:
John Adams, as two-term Vice President to George Washington: "My country has in its wisdom contrived for me the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination conceived!"
I note: He was one of America's gifted Founding Fathers, however not contented, not overjoyed at winning that secondary VP stint. Historians commemorate his commitment, forgiving his criticism voiced in vain.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Barack served on the board of the Annenberg Challenge with Bill Ayers, and Mrs. Annenberg, in fact, endorsed John McCain." Michelle Obama said, "That's part of politics."
Nevertheless, her man has become the object of personal character bombardment in angry, rabid and condescending townhall rallies that Palin is aiding. Back off!!

rp with:
John Adams, as two-term Vice President to George Washington: "My country has in its wisdom contrived for me the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination conceived!" =
Dan Something-or-other, the thin misfit who served for GW's dad, wrote "potatoe" -- inviting stiff indictments ("No, its..."), mimics, cynics jeering at that naive communication on every occasion, and no one ever forgave him.

Dharam Khalsa with:
One evening a woman was driving in the vicinity of her recently married son's house and stopped by unannounced. She rang the doorbell and after a moment went ahead in. She was shocked to find her daughter-in-law laying there on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the scent of her sweet perfume filled the room.

"Oh! What are you doing?" the woman asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the young daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're completely nude!" the older woman exclaimed.

"My husband calls this my Love Dress," the younger lady said. "He loves to find me wearing this."~
"It excites him to no end! He instantly becomes a wild party animal, wanting to ravage me forever, like a newlywed on a Cancun honeymoon," she giggled.

The busybody mother-in-law rushed home. She ran, undressed, showered, and sprayed on perfume. Then she dimmed the lights, put on a few romantic CDs, and lay on the couch to wait patiently for her husband.

Eventually the old man got home from work, downcast as usual. After noting his wife laying in the dark room on the couch, the baffled fellow asked, "What are you doing?"

"Wearing my Love Dress, Honey," the woman murmured seductively.

"Needs ironing," he said.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices a 'peel and win' sticker on her cup.

She peels off the sticker and hugging a waitress dramatically screams, "Yay!! I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "Gosh, that's impossible. The grand prize is a Free Lunch!"

But the blonde yells again, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"
Finally, the coffee, egg and sandwich shop manager comes over. He offers his apologies, "Well, I'm sorry, but you're wrong. You couldn't possibly have won a motorhome, since we don't have that as a prize."

The blonde screams, "Liar!! No, it's not a mistake! I'm positive! I won a motorhome!"

She passes the ticket to the nice manager and he reads...

"W I N A B A G E L"

Dharam Khalsa with:
I borrow logic of clever fictional writer (liar?), Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens), 1894: "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
"In a time of deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act," by George Orwell (Eric Arthur Blair) from his well-known novel of human commentary, 1984.


1st - Adie Pena with:
We always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. THESE ARE OUR RULES! Please note these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 16 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We think you are just fine otherwise we would have said something.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.

1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it properly done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. If possible, please say whatever you have to say during that rotten commercial.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 predetermined colors, like pre-programmed Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. Men have no idea what teal or amber is.

1. If it itches, it shall be irreverently scratched. We do this. It's neat!

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying and offended; BUT it is just not worth the effort and stress. Besides men know you are a very tempersome tormentor and will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. If we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... REALLY.

1. You have enough of the best, latest clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such smart topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. Me get in shape? Remember 'round' IS a shape!

1. Thanks for reading these statements. Treatise?!? Yes, I know I have to sleep on the sofa tonight; but men really don't mind. It's like camping.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Our Last Summer

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
If you still don't know what to be for Halloween, then here are ten great costumes from "film.com". All it takes is rummaging through your closet and a bit of creativity.

1. The Joker
No act drew as much attention this year as Heath Ledger's Joker. You'll need white face paint, black eye shadow, and temp spray hair color. A purple suit works if you can find one in a vintage shop. Apply red lipstick with your eyes closed for that maniacal touch.
* Bonus points if you get the voice down. "Wanna know how I got these scars?"

2. Sarah Palin
Just as there are three branches of government, there are three pieces needed to pull off Sarah Palin: glasses, a skirt suit, and a frozen-yogurt-swirl hairdo. Throw on lipstick and a flag pin and you're in business.
* Bonus points if you have bangs or a caribou carcass in tow.

3. Michael Phelps
You'll need a lot of self-confidence to pull this trick off. The key items are a Speedo, swim cap and goggles. Use bronzer to define your muscles so you can proudly display eight gold medals across your pecs.
* Bonus points if you bring along your mom.

4. Miley Cyrus
This queen of Disney is a lot more fun than those Disney princesses. Add extensions to your hair, squeeze into tight jeans and a sequined tank. Add a studded belt, cowboy boots, fingerless gloves and hoop earrings, and you're ready to pop-rock.
* Bonus points if you find a kinky guy to be your underwear model boyfriend.

5. Brangelina Baby
This costume works for just about any ethnicity. Dress in hip duds and brag about your globe-trotting, multi-millionaire parents. If you can, sport a faux-hawk.
* Bonus points if you find super-attractive kids to pose as your siblings.
6. Jonas Brothers
You'll have mobs of the hottest women worshipping you in your skinny jeans, skinny tie, skinny coat, skinny vest ... you get the idea. Wanna be legit? Wear promise rings.
* Bonus points if one of you has a glucose monitor.

7. Blair Waldorf
Pull that official private school uniform out of the cobwebby closet and accessorize it with preppy rediscoveries: low boots, cotton knee highs, coordinating jewelry, a good designer handbag, and the always essential headband.
* Bonus points if you adopt a pert snobbish attitude and add a Chuck Bass look-a-like prop.

8. Rachel Zoe
The key requirements of this costume style are huge accessories. Giant sunglasses, exaggerated wide-leg jeans, and a fluffy, faux fur vest ought to produce results. Hold a Starbucks coffee cup in your hand all night and you'll shut it down!
* Bonus points if you add the words "I die" and "bananas" to all your conversations.

9. Kirk Lazarus
When channeling Robert Downey Jr. in "Tropic Thunder", remember, fellows, it's quite important not to risk offending anyone. You would need camouflage fatigues, commando face paint, one realistic wig, and lots of personality for this metamorphosis. Dressing as a dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude is not easy.
* Bonus points if you bust out a hot Australian accent half-way through.

10. Katy Perry
Vintage flair is the key to Katy Perry's personal technique. If you happen to find a retro-inspired romper, then you're all set. Doll up your face with lots of shimmery makeup and sport some beribboned girly accessories. Remember to carry some cherry chapstick in your purse.
* Bonus points if you actually kiss a girl.

Tony Crafter with:
My Cherie Amour

Dharam Khalsa with:
A palinode

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ode to Palin


1st - Rick Rothstein with:
The Vagina Monologues =
Gave to musing on a hole.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
'Penthouse' and 'Playboy' found in college dormitories =
Pupils merely felt bonus: good hand-eye coordination!

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Huge breasts ~
Great bushes.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Viagra alternative "horny goat weed" =
Revival to the withered organ at any age!

Paul Klenk with:
Is it wrong to pick my nose? ~
Two opinions: Germ; sticky.

Larry Brash with:
An erotic video ‡
Avoid erection!

Tony Crafter with:
The Double-O Thong ~
to do the bunghole!

View with:
Place all rude anagrams in message body =
Idea: Large boner can damage small pussy.

David Bourke with:
Lost virtues =
It's over, slut!

Steve Reekie with:
A very busy holiday in a Thailand hotel room! =
I root a shaved ladyboy. I hurt in my anal hole!

Steve Reekie with:
"Horatio Hornblower was a faithful seafarer" =
Waifs on harbour wharf ashore rate fellatio.

Tony Crafter with:
A masturbating male =
Blue anagrammatist!

The Anagrammy Awards