1st - Tony Crafter with:
Skeletons in the cupboard =
Bones unlocked their past.
2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Man steps on the Moon =
One 'snapshot' moment!
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The white Bengal tiger =
Being with large teeth.
Rosie Perera with:
Presidential =
Led in parties.
Adie Pena with:
Saving energy =
Gray evenings.
View with:
Vegetarianism =
I am serving tea.
Dharam Khalsa with:
An eating disorder ~
as in, I do and regret.
Ellie Dent with:
Black Americans =
Barack can smile...
Larry Brash with:
Presidential candidates =
Side did elect an aspirant.
View with:
The waiter =
With eater.
Rosie Perera with:
His steps, or ~
prosthesis?
Neil Ramsay with:
false doctrine =
sad reflection
Andrew Brehaut with:
Men author ~
our anthem.
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Detroit rent-a-cop =
trade protection
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Religious tolerance ŕ
I rule: No to sacrilege!
Scott Gardner with:
The Confederate states =
Threaten to secede, fast!
Christopher Sturdy with:
A big heap of library books =
OK for a bibliography base.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Freshman and sophomore students =
Don't humans need math professors?
Scott Gardner with:
Math professor =
Smart proofs, eh?
Rosie Perera with:
A child dies of hunger every six seconds =
Harsh discovery; genocide unless fixed.
Ellie Dent with:
Unintentional plagiarism =
Meant it's plain unoriginal!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The campus police force ~
catch crime of US people
Dharam Khalsa with:
A genial bee begins to sob ~
"Let begonias be begonias."
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Professional photography =
I go for happy snapshot role
Dharam Khalsa with:
American pie =
A main recipe.
Tony Crafter with:
An alpha male =
Ah! All apeman!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Toxic asset =
I cost taxes
Christopher Sturdy with:
Bottoms up =
Bums to top.
Rosie Perera with:
Celebrity diets =
Bite discreetly.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Mild profanity =
Not if prim lady.
Rosie Perera with:
Flight reservation =
Foreign travel? Shit!
Rosie Perera with:
Alien abductions ~
unbalance idiots.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Mild profanity =
I ply "F" or "Damn it!"
Ed Pegg Jr with:
science olympiad =
"encyclopediaism"
Hans-Peter Reich with:
Telephone conversation =
Chat even on poorest line.
1st - Adie Pena with:
"Aquarius/Let The Sun Shine In" =
Listen! "Hair" has unique tunes.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Vincent Van Gogh's 'A Cornfield with Cypresses' =
The fresh, convincing gold canvas, wispy trees.
3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Pussy Galore =
Euro spy's gal.
View with:
'Now that the magic has gone' =
Somewhat changing to hate
Dharam Khalsa with:
Television sit-com "Scrubs" =
Nurses love its comic bits.
Tony Crafter with:
The musical style of Leonard Cohen =
Self-hate, seduction, or melancholy.
Chris with:
The Day the Earth Stood Still =
A lost deity at the threshold
Scott Gardner with:
Andersen's fairy tale "The Little Mermaid" =
The material's later a tender Disney film
Dharam Khalsa with:
When gusts lurch along to say "Boo!" ~
Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!
Chris with:
Reservoir Dogs =
Dress groovier!
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Please Mister Postman ~
one letter is spam. Spam!
Scott Gardner with:
George Frideric Handel's "Messiah" =
A cherished gem, ideal for singers
1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
US presidential campaigns =
Pleasing stupid Americans.
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Americans' presidential election =
See McCain/Palin lose it and retire
3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
The new USA president-elect Barack Obama =
OK, we made a better case than Republicans.
Dharam Khalsa with:
News: Seventy-six US Nobel laureates endorsed Obama =
Sensible (wo)men ease and relax uneasy voters' doubts.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Bush's approval is now down to twenty-eight percent =
Bastard's own Scot puppy even throwing in the towel.
Andrew Brehaut with:
The USA's current foreign policy focus =
Thus, CIA forces prey on gulf countries
Adie Pena with:
The last days of Bush =
Dubya has shots left.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Barack Obama wins the US Presidency ~
or Bush witnessed American payback
Dharam Khalsa with:
President-Elect Barack Hussein Obama ~
replaces Bush and is to remake Cabinet
Adie Pena with:
Decline now common at ~
an economic meltdown.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Alaskan brunette's lipstick/lash marathon has ended =
It seems lad led race; Sarah Palin, thanks but no thanks!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Obama: Racial Barrier Falls in Decisive Victory" =
McCain: Rarely above crisis via a defibrillator
Adie Pena with:
President Obama's daughters' pet =
Best-earned dog is perhaps a mutt?
Scott Gardner with:
California's Proposition Eight =
Light opposition in 'Frisco area?
Ellie Dent with:
A nation pauses to remember the war dead ~
at a street parade, when memories abound.
Tony Crafter with:
Greek and Armenian monks =
Enraged kinsmen ran amok!
Meyran Kraus with:
American elections =
An eerie McCain lost. :)
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The sixtieth birthday of Prince Charles =
HRH: "British throne? Fact is, I expect delay!"
Ed Pegg Jr with:
DOW now ~
down. Ow.
Chris with:
Reg Varney is dead =
Any desired grave?
Christopher Sturdy with:
Reg Varney is dead =
Yes, an aged driver.
Hans-Peter Reich with:
The Somalian pirate =
I'm that peril on a sea.
Ellie Dent with:
Diana died, as did Dodi =
Odd, said I, and did aide?
Rosie Perera with:
Hillary Clinton as the Secretary of State? =
Yes, she can fit that solitary central role.
Adie Pena with:
Yearly traditional Thanksgiving menu =
Nation is largely having ... (damn it!) TURKEY!
Hull City Male with:
Yugo production in Serbia halted =
The obituary: "Indigenous old crap!"
David Bourke with:
Yugo production in Serbia is halted =
Stop building one shit car, I dare you!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Somalian pirates =
Oilman parasites
View with:
The Somalian pirates =
To steal a marine ship
Rick Rothstein with:
The Somalian pirates? ~
A shipmate is on alert.
Scott Gardner with:
Eastern coast of Somalia =
Some Africans loot at sea
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Scottish Beaver Trial =
Act to halve British trees?
Adie Pena with:
Citibank =
Back in it!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Terror standoff in Mumbai =
Fruit born of a mastermind.
Ellie Dent with:
A Thai protestor =
Those at airport.
David Bourke with:
The shadow Immigration Minister Damian Green =
Mean Gordon arrested him, I imagine...wasn't it him?
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
US President-elect Barack Obama =
Democrats take Republican base.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
President-elect Obama =
I am noted; respectable.
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
President-Elect Barack Hussein Obama =
A liked senator beat McCain. He's superb!
Adie Pena with:
The American actress and comedian Whoopi Goldberg =
Her top role in 'Ghost' added magic; became an Oscar win.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Senator John Sidney McCain =
Handyman Joe Cistern's icon
Tony Crafter with:
American President Barack Hussein Obama ~
isn't a bird-brain! US chose a peacemaker man.
Adie Pena with:
First Lady Michelle Obama =
All do embrace this family.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
First lady Michelle Obama ŕ
I'm Michael Flatley's broad
Dharam Khalsa with:
President-Elect Barack Hussein Obama =
He means a dire setback to Republicans
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Rachel Maddow newsiest ~
since the world was made
David Bourke with:
The late Reginald Alfred Varney =
Elderly...left Earth, and in a grave.
View with:
Kanye Omari West =
"We make noisy art!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
Alaska Senator Ted Stevens =
A vote ends a snake's rattles
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Astronaut Heide Stefanyshyn-Piper =
You see the spanners drift in apathy
Dharam Khalsa with:
New Mexico Governor William Blaine Richardson =
Relax now, I bring a hale vision in world commerce!
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Special agent Clarice Starling =
Can I tag serial-scalping Lecter?
Dharam Khalsa with:
India's Prime Minister Manmohan Singh =
I'm in a modern nightmarish inn impasse
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
First lady Michelle Obama =
Billed a star, chiefly a mom
Ellie Dent with:
Monsieur Claude-Oscar Monet =
C'est moi (and me!): A sun colourer.
1st - David Bourke with:
Newcastle University =
Lectures invite yawns
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The United States of America's Apollo Eleven Mission =
I see Neil, outside, voice "That's one small step for a man..."
3rd - Ed Pegg Jr with:
International Spy Museum =
A Russian employment unit
Adie Pena with:
Maitre d' =
I'm rated.
Tony Crafter with:
The Disneyland Resort, Anaheim, California =
Children share notes in a fairy-tale domain.
Ed Pegg Jr with:
United States Marine Corp ~
touts American President
Andrew Brehaut with:
The Apollo Mission =
Ship allies to moon.
Rosie Perera with:
The Obama Administration ~
aims at ambition, no hatred.
David Bourke with:
The Apollo Eleven lunar mission =
An upset silver Moon alien: "Hello?"
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Republican Governors Association =
Pass a rule: "No abortion rights. Conceive!"
Hull City Male with:
The Apollo Eleven lunar mission =
Pulverise all aliens on the Moon!
Rosie Perera with:
The Imperial Klans of America =
I like to hamper African males.
Hull City Male with:
Virgin Atlantic Airlines =
Cine, gin, all-in, via Tristar!
Rosie Perera with:
eHarmony's "Compatible Partners" =
Lesbian person may report match.
Rick Rothstein with:
The Department of Homeland Security =
It flat out comprehends enemy hatred.
Hans-Peter Reich with:
The Great Steamship RMS Titanic =
'Captain Smith team' regrets this.
Hull City Male with:
The National Fatwa Council =
O, now the fanatical lunatic!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Ohio's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum =
Landmark holds a haul of cool fun memories!
Rosie Perera with:
Breed Specific Legislation =
Fierce dog species? I'll ban it.
View with:
The Palestine Liberation Organization =
Antagonize Israel, battle their opinion
Neil Ramsay with:
The University of Strathclyde =
Students? They live for charity.
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Blonde to the supermarket manager on the telephone:
"I just bought a ten-pound turkey. How long do I cook it in the microwave?" ~
"Just a minute," the man remarked to the blonde, hoping to look it up.
"Wow! You've been a great help!!" cried the host, running to cook.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
"We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs." (Will Rogers) =
We narrowly learn when one wastes votes TWICE for a Bush, an utterly unintelligent man!
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Sir Arthur Ignatius Conan Doyle, "The Hound of the Baskervilles" =
A huge serial novel by Sherlock author, it is found in The Strand
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States of America =
I make a nation free after Bush's undemocratic bias as the despot
David Bourke with:
Barack Hussein Obama, the president-elect of the United States of America
=
Pacifist Senate Democrat in estate of the renamed "Black House"...Bush irate!
Tony Crafter with:
'Dreams From My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance', by B. Obama =
Mercy be! A rather drab mamma's boy off on a search for an identity.
Christopher Sturdy with:
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God" =
Hell, we elected Barack "Goody" Obama president for he's selfless!
View with:
Foreign Reporters Fight Israeli Prohibition on Entering Gaza=
Zion prefers to ignore high-opining of irritating talebearers.
Rosie Perera with:
Barack and Michelle Obama's roles as the first Dad and Mom =
Best Democrat handlers block Sasha and Malia from media.
Rosie Perera with:
Applications for Jobs in the Obama Administration Surpass Two Hundred Thousand (The New York Times)=
That insidious dummy, Joe the Plumber (down in the drain now), hopes for post as Barack's Sanitation Tsar.
Tony Crafter with:
It's sad, Ron. Being older, my memory's not, well ... as sharp as it used to be. =
And worse still, being older, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Rosie Perera with:
Obama Names Desiree Rogers as his White House Social Secretary =
I assume big career as America's honored wealthy soiree hostess.
1st - Scott Gardner with:
The forty-fourth President of the United States of America, Barack Obama =
A brainy Democrat from the Senate is proud to take that office after Bush.
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The forty-fourth President of the United States of America, Barack Obama =
The first to dare aim at YouTube fans, and first to reach them per Facebook.
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
The forty-fourth President of the United States of America, Barack Obama =
Be frank, that Democrat in a top office has made history, so a better future.
Adie Pena with:
I hope our man's cast for today to make a difference after that bitter Bush.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
I take office to reform a bear economy's data. A true spendthrift, that Bush!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Bush may coordinate effort at attack of Iran before the date his term's up.
Dharam Khalsa with:
A forfeit for the McCain team, thanks to you, Sarah, for reputed debate bits!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
I beat the pants off McCain to strike my forbears' road ahead to the future
View with:
OK, a first African-American head of the Dem. party - boost to the best future
Adie Pena with:
Any bureaucrat trade off in office? Smoke matters! Had to stop habit there!
Adrian Hickford with:
See if a peacemaker's better than that mad, atrocious forty-third buffoon!
Rosie Perera with:
Sarah, petty if media-battered, returns back to home office at north of USA.
Ellie Dent with:
Bah! I protest! Today, I fear, more debate affection for that man. True? Shucks!
Rick Rothstein with:
"A rare pity... I need to correct a raft of mistakes that the buffoon Bush made."
Tony Crafter with:
A fit testament to a dark race? You bet! Can't his forefathers be proud of him!
Hull City Male with:
"Tut! Is he a Kennedy, or his he a coffee bastard to attract, or merit a bump-off?"
Dharam Khalsa with:
affirms by a true audit that he does not take benefit from corporate cash.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Hats off! He picks a hot dream team to start united action before February.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A man and his wife are woken at 3 a.m. by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it's 3:00 in the morning!'
He slams the door and returns to bed.
'Who was that?' asks his wife.
'Just some drunk asking for a push,' he answers.
'Did you help him?' she asks.
'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it's pouring down out there!'
'Well, you've got a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself. Go and help him!'
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.
He calls into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'
'Yes,' comes back the answer.
'Do you still need a push?' calls the husband.
'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.
'Where are you?' asks the husband.
'Over here on the swing,' replies the drunk.
=
The duty-sergeant answered the police station's telephone at 3.00 on a Sunday morning. The person on the other end sounded addled and slurred.
"I wanna report a sherioush theft, offisher. I have been robbed! Shum lousy crook has unlawfully broken into my car and has shumhow plundered my poshessions."
"Your possessions? What sort of possessions?" asked the sergeant.
"My shteering wheel, brakes, dashboard, gearshtick, windshcreen. The whole bloody lot hash been taken away! Outrageoush. eh?"
The sergeant humoured him for a few moments; assured him he understood and said that he would address the situation.
"Jesus! Bloody drunken goof, phoning up at 3.00 in the morning," he murmured wearily as he hung up.
3 minutes later, his phone rang again.
"Yes?" growled the now grumpy desk-sergeant.
"It'sh ok, you can shtop looking," said the same drunken voice. "I wish to withdraw all allegations. My mishtake. I got into the back seat!"
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A depressed and lonely frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and asks what his future holds.
His Personal Psychic tells him, "Tomorrow you are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
~
The frog is thrilled. He shouts out, "Whoopee!! This is great! Thank you!"
"So, will I meet my wonderful beloved at a fount, a lake, a pond, or cosy lawn party?" he wonders.
"No, you will meet her in Biology Class," grunts the psychic, hanging up.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
THE NEW F*****G STOCK MARKET BUZZWORDS
BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing a f*****g investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET: A f*****g eighteen-month period when the f*****g kids get no allowance, the f*****g dear wife gets no jewelry & the f*****g husband unjustly gets no lay (f*****g sex!).
FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy whose f*****g phone has been quietly disconnected.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Your past year investor who's now locked up in the f*****g nuthouse.
MARKET CORRECTION: The f*****g day after you buy stocks. (Grrr!)
CASH FLOW: The movement your f*****g money makes as it disappears down the f*****g toilet.
YAHOO: What you scream after selling it to some f*****g poor sucker at a price of $240 per share. (Whew!)
~
WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you're the f*****g sucker who bought YAHOO at $240 per share.
PROFIT: A most vintage term no f*****g longer in use.
CEO: [F*****g management] Chief Embezzlement Officer [See CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer]
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors shitting in their pants as the f*****g market crashes.
STOCK ANALYST: The f*****g monkey who just downgraded your stock.
BROKER: What my f*****g asinine broker has made me.
VALUE INVESTING: The f*****g sadistic art of buying low AND selling lower!
STOCK SPLIT: A grim moment when the f*****g kinky ex-wife and a skunk lawyer-accountant manage to split your assets equally between themselves.
STANDARD & POOR: Your f*****g life in a nutshell. (Enough already.)
Dharam Khalsa with:
The worst frog joke ever...
A frog hops into a bank and up to the first teller window. He can see from the tellerŐs nameplate that her name is Patricia Black. So he says, "Ms. Black, I'd like to get a loan to buy a yacht and go on a cruise."
Ms. Black asks the frog how much money he wants. He says he would need around $200,000.
Then Ms. Black asks the frog his name and he replies, "Kermit Jagger. But it really shouldnŐt be a problem; I know the manager."
Ms. Black explains to the frog that he is asking for a very large sum of money and how he will need to put up something as collateral against the loan.
Kermit says, "Well, I have this," and holds up a tiny pewter cricket, about an inch tall. ~
As the stunned employee Ms. Black explains she'll have to speak with the branch manager, she hastily walks to the front of the bank. She finds the manager and says, "There's a jumpy frog out there named Kermit Jagger who allegedly knows you and wants to borrow $200,000. If you agree, the fool amphibian wants to use this common thing as collateral!" Fumbling, she plops down the small pewter insect. "So, I think it is a gamble. What could the value of this item be?"
The branch manager reaches out, looks at the cricket, back at her, and replies:
Are you ready?
You're warned!
A drumroll, please...
"It's a knick knack, Patti Black. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
View with:
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. =
I, B.H. Obama, new leader of the Free World, just one ebony politician, thus pledge to change this racist attitude. I'll also indict infective drug dealers and fight inflation.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence." --Erma Bombeck
=
Men greet, drink whiskey, smoke, cheer at vigorous intense football, then give thanks, cut up a nice bird and eat it; women meet, visit, reminisce, then clean up the mess!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Heaven is the dominion where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and it's all organized and run by the Swiss.
=
On the other hand, viewing a demonized Hell, police in it are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and the area's run by Italians.
1st - Adie Pena with:
Phrase Shaper
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Sixteen Going On Seventeen
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Layla
Dharam Khalsa with:
Poem by J. A. Shedd
1st - Adie Pena with:
She's a virgin at forty =
It's her frosty vagina!
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Mating spree ~
impregnates.
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Forty-eight inch bust =
Fight her bouncy tits.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"A hard man is good to find." - Mae West =
Wood organ then satisfied madam.
Zoran with:
The act of masturbation =
Fantastic to rub at home!
Hull City Male with:
President-elect Barack Obama~
met bad cock-teaser Palin bare!
Tony Crafter with:
'Incest in altar boy'! =
An obscenity trial.
David Bourke with:
Stephen Fry in America =
Any sphincter, I am free!
Rick Rothstein with:
Masturbating with a vibrator =
I savor mirth at rubbing a twat.
View with:
The masturbating with a vibrator =
Ah, orgasm with vibrant attribute!