DECEMBER 2008 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2008

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
An elephant's memory =
Phenomenal mastery.

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Pleasing shape =
She's appealing.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Homeless shelter =
Shoes smell there.

James H Young with:
Il mafia =
Familia.

Rosie Perera with:
Financial stresses =
Fiscal strains seen.

Tony Crafter with:
A political dissident =
Idealist is not placid!

David Bourke with:
White Christmas =
Matthews is rich!

Rosie Perera with:
Flat belly =
Felt by all.

View with:
Contradiction =
It ain't concord.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Performance-related pay =
Year-end report facepalm.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Another Nice Mess =
The recession, man.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
International peace mission =
Is it nice, no armies on a planet?

Rosie Perera with:
War nightmare á
Heartwarming.

Neil Ramsay with:
Cybersecurity =
Secrecy. Bury it!

Rosie Perera with:
To file for bankruptcy =
Profit faculty broken.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Presidential Inauguration =
Leader's initiation up a rung

Paul Klenk with:
Oneupsmanship =
Emphasis on pun

Ellie Dent with:
The dyed-in-the-wool male chauvinists =
Such instilled hate: they avoid women.

Ellie Dent with:
I sing that most sacred ~
song at Christmastide.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Freedom is latent in ~
self-determination.

Christopher Sturdy with:
A very shiny nose =
Veiny hay-sensor

Tony Crafter with:
Old adage: 'The pen is mightier than the sword'. =
I hold, the wordsmith has a penetrating edge!

Rosie Perera with:
Evil fails us. Throw out ~
the frivolous lawsuit.

Chris Chatfield with:
Failure to comply? =
Formulate policy.

Adie Pena with:
Cold weather =
Drew the coal.

Rosie Perera with:
The respiratory system =
Strep throat? Yes, misery!

Rick Rothstein with:
Hitler's orders are chaotic... ~
there's a historical record.

Rosie Perera with:
Aha! Nations still cheer ~
the real Saint Nicholas.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Location, location, location! =
Cincinatti, Cooloola, Lonato.

Meyran Kraus with:
Old roses =
Odorless.

Meyran Kraus with:
Intense therapy =
Pretty insane, eh?

Rick Rothstein with:
The Assumption of Mary ~
taps my enormous faith.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sneaking suspicions =
Nuance is gossip's kin


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Leonardo Da Vinci's 'The Adoration of the Magi' =
A Visitation. Three men on a road. A child of God.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet's "Houses of Parliament" =
Thames and famous steeple, in colour.

3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
"All I want for Christmas is you" =
Woman has flirtatious lyrics.

Neil Ramsay with:
X-factor semi final ~
offers anticlimax.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Katie Scarlett O'Hara =
A theatrical tear's OK

Dharam Khalsa with:
"All I want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" =
Aw, the tot icon's riff still warms my heart (not!)

Scott Gardner with:
The song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" =
It's a sin, 'cos guy Ma snogs was the milkman!

Adie Pena with:
The Beatles' "Carnival of Light" =
Let that archival song file be!

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Actress Laura Prepon =
A popular screen star!

Scott Gardner with:
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer =
Noel strider ended up herd hero

Ellie Dent with:
'A Christmas Carol', the timeless tale by Dickens =
So cheer as Tiny Tim Cratchit asked 'Bless 'em all!'

David Bourke with:
The professional dancer Vincent Simone =
Is Rachel Stevens' companion not refined?

Meyran Kraus with:
"Five on a Treasure Island" =
A sailor's fine adventure!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The macabre cartoonist Gahan Wilson =
Abnormal chaotic art seen at showing

Adie Pena with:
Brad Pitt in 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' =
Ebb from untainted senior into just a pathic cub.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Financial rut =
Final curtain.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas =
Heh, it's time for Mr. Claus's yearly travel!

eq3rd - Paul Pan with:
Athens rioters =
Arsonist there!

eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Obama is the TIME "Person of the Year" =
Yes, a 'brother' is the epitome of a man!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sarah Palin campaigns for Senator Saxby Chambliss. =
Relax chaps, baby Trig's mama has financial sponsors.

Paul Pan with:
Melamine ~
in me meal!

Adie Pena with:
Hey! Foresee important ~
TIME Person of the Year.

Adie Pena with:
"Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" =
Tot saw an occasion isn't glum!

Adie Pena with:
Mean rebels interrupt aviation through Asia in ~
the Suvarnabhumi International Airport siege.

Tony Crafter with:
It's the most wonderful time of the year! =
Set to the Yuletide month of warm fires!

Rosie Perera with:
The U.S. economy is now officially in a recession =
You owe a lot; income is scarce. Finish life, sonny.

Rosie Perera with:
Santa's Workshop =
What AK sponsors.

View with:
O.J. Simpson's trail of trials =
Jail is toils for sportsman

Adie Pena with:
Heiress Martha 'Sunny' von Bulow is dead at sixty-seven =
Intensively devious ex-husband was a trashy monster.

Neil Ramsay with:
Stansted Airport =
"It's a darn protest!"

Rick Rothstein with:
The worsening USA economy =
O, so now it's an... uh... emergency?

Rosie Perera with:
Gore to meet with Obama and Biden on Tuesday =
Team had need to obtain wisdom about energy.

Rosie Perera with:
Military jet crashes in San Diego neighborhood =
Death in holiday season. Somber rejoicing, right?

Ed Pegg Jr with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
WTF! XYZPDQ, Mr. "Sunk" Blagojevich.

Adie Pena with:
Charles Wesley piece "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" =
Yes, we nice shepherds shall all cheer a great King!

Adie Pena with:
"Big Three" automakers =
As more hurt, get a bike!

Jesse Frankovich with:
Auto industry rescue bill =
Currently issued bailout.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Troubled Asset Relief Program =
I gamble to help restore fraudster

Dharam Khalsa with:
Peace on earth, goodwill to men =
No hope to end war? Let malice go!

Adie Pena with:
Bad Illinois Governor ~
or Rod's one big villain.

Rosie Perera with:
The Second Life weddings spill over to the real world =
Word is spread: Online dwellers felt love, got hitched.

Dharam Khalsa with:
And our much wanted Christmas present? =
The woman runs up the man's credit cards!

View with:
Calm returns to Athens after riot =
No terror stimulants there. A fact.

Dharam Khalsa with:
White House says auto loan deal not imminent =
No hasty lush donation; meantime, I weasel out!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Bush makes farewell visit to Iraq =
Quest is vital for miserable hawk.

Rosie Perera with:
Ice Storms Hit New England =
Winter's coming? A sled, then!

Adie Pena with:
Entire herd endorsed or upheld ~
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Adie Pena with:
A shoe-thrower =
So, the war hero?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Father offers daughter to shoe-thrower =
Forget the heart, she'd rush for footwear!

Adie Pena with:
Yuletide Season =
See any solitude?

David Bourke with:
Doing all the Christmas shopping at the last minute =
Pathetic presents...it's a man thing. Mall solid, though!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Madoff Investment Securities of Wall Street ~
made fortunes off sweet little victim snares.

Adie Pena with:
A nude photo of France's First Lady on a handbag =
Shop had a fantasy on Bruni. Carla got offended!

Rosie Perera with:
'Twas the night before Christmas =
The rich brats want some gifts, eh?

Ellie Dent with:
Three Wise Men of the East ~
who meet... see the fine star.

Adie Pena with:
Northeast weather =
A snow threat there.

Dharam Khalsa with:
What is a Ponzi scheme? =
A whiz saps the income.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Happy Hanukkah and Winter Solstice, too! =
Knit up a holiday season patchwork, then.

Dharam Khalsa with:
What are Ponzi schemes? =
A whiz person cheats me!

Meyran Kraus with:
The idiom "a new broom sweeps clean" =
I welcome Obama - he's President now!


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
George Bush =
"Bugger! Shoe!"

eq2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Post-Impressionist artist Van Gogh =
Improvises, he's got to paint night stars.

eq2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The legendary Eartha Kitt =
Hear the great 'kitten' lady!

View with:
Criss Angel, 'The Mindfreak' =
Endangers himself? A trick!

View with:
Dustin Pedroia =
Superaddition

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Senator Saxby Chambliss =
Bless rich by a tax on mass!

David Bourke with:
Rachel Lauren Stevens =
Lethal curves ensnare!

Hans-Peter Reich with:
Governor Milorad Blagojevich =
Go, call him a job giver (or: vendor!).

Jesse Frankovich with:
Governor Sarah Palin =
Insane gal a VP horror.

Adie Pena with:
Rod Blagojevich =
Gov. Richjobdeal

Paul Pan with:
Rod Blagojevich =
Led job-rig havoc.

David Bourke with:
Peer Steinbruck =
Buck enterprise.

Tony Crafter with:
Rachel Stevens, Lisa Snowdon, Tom Chambers =
Hence, stars in ballroom-dance TV-show mess.

Andrew with:
Obama's ~
a sambo!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Casey Anthony =
A nasty coy hen.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Alfred Hitchcock ~
had fickle crotch

Rick Rothstein with:
Singer Eartha Kitt =
A keen artist, right?

Richard Grantham with:
Andre Rieu =
Ruined ear.

Paul Pan with:
Bristol Palin =
Pill? Abort? Sin!


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Adrian Hickford with:
The Flat Earth Society =
Cite that false theory.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Merchandise expenditures constitute ~
the United States Consumer Price Index

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Chinese restaurant syndrome =
The nasty scare in menu orders.

Ellie Dent with:
The Anglicans =
An English act.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Detroit's Big Three Automakers =
Go raise market or bite the dust

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Indira Gandhi International Airport =
Depart north at night on Air India airline.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Freedom From Religion Foundation =
To do murder on feeling of faith in Rome?

Adie Pena with:
Sixteen Hundred Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington D.C. =
An expensive land, stunning verdancy and White House.

Rick Rothstein with:
The Roswell Incident =
Relics lined the town.

View with:
Sony Ericsson =
Sensory - sonic

David Bourke with:
Windows - Life without walls =
www.idle-halfwit-solutions

Adie Pena with:
"Finger lickin' good!" =
I go dine on KFC, girl!

Tony Crafter with:
The International Menopause Society ~
eases emotional uncertainty. Phone it!

Dharam Khalsa with:
International Save the Children Alliance =
Installed health clinic, even in a torn area

Rosie Perera with:
Radio Flyer wagon =
Way for a long ride.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ... it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity...' =
'A Tale of Two Cities' - This commences with these pithy, if bitter-sweet, words of wit about the phases of life.

2nd - David Bourke with:
The outgoing President of the United States of America, George Walker Bush =
Guess *I'd* like to throw a shoe at the stupid bugger. An offence? Interrogate me!

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Al-Baghdadia television correspondent Muntadar al-Zeidi =
I did grab and hurl a size ten at a moron, hence it's all videotaped.

Adie Pena with:
El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula =
I see one long unusual proper address. Reduce label to a nice, lean "L.A."

Dharam Khalsa with:
"All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent." --Thomas Jefferson =
Do not remain a floating jellyfish seeing tentacles of nasty corporate monopolies condoned offshore.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sixteen Hundred Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington D.C. =
President's in-town digs and annex, a heavy lunch venue

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?", a sixties film starring Bette Davis and Joan Crawford =
Observe a handicapped sister withstand a major jab affront by waxen-tinged relative.

nature girl with:
I, riding this game-laden North Atlantic humpback whale,~

graphite-hued Baltic 'oak', calmer than night, swim inland.

Larry Brash with:
100 meters, long jump, shot put, high jump, 400 meters, 110 meters hurdles, discus, pole vault, javelin, 1500 meters.=
Decathlon.This premium level summer sport juggles up just the major events held. It spurs me!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Governor Milorad Blagojevich of the State of Illinois =
I love charging some rival to do the job of senator I fill

Dharam Khalsa with:
What is an American car? CNN reports say fewer than half of the parts in some Big Three vehicles are being made in the USA,
~
when new fashionable Foreign cars that are assembled in US factories have eighty percent American parts in them. Rah!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Poetic line from one who may have seen omen of loose Bush commerce
=
"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." -- Chinese Proverb

Adie Pena with:
"It is the farewell kiss, you dog! You are responsible for the death of thousands of Iraqis." =
"Take these plain dirtied shoes, filthy asshole, for your U.S. foreign war's quota of bodies!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
C. Northcote Parkinson's eponymous law: "Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion."
=
Banks (fast-talk pawnshops, too!) follow his vital companion corollary: "Expenditures rise to meet income."

Andrew with:
The wealthiest visitors brought some presents of gold, frankincense and myrrh =
Three kings to view Lord's son (and guy's foster parent!) in Bethlehem for Christmas.

Dharam Khalsa with:
AAAAAAAAABBCCDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEFFGGGHHIIIIIIIIIJKLLLLMMNNNNNN OOOOOOOOPPQRRRRRRSSSSTTTTTTUUUUVVWWXYYZ[C][Z]
=
I avow Aztec god Quetzalcoatl ("feathered snake") is an implied remix or copy of Jesus in virgin birth, but would anyone agree?

Ellie Dent with:
Alfred Sisley: Snow at Louveciennes, Eighteen-Seventy-Eight.=
Even icy, white, lane feels grey, as no sunlight's evident to see.



Rosie Perera with:
Bristol Palin's boyfriend's mother arrested in drug case =
Sarah is dribbling misfortunes, reportedly doesn't care.

David Bourke with:

The American President George W. Bush's last days in office =

Piss off and die, slimy rat! Act now, because the nigger's here!

Rosie Perera with:
Barack Obama will be sworn in using the same Bible as Abraham Lincoln did =
God will bless this Hawaiian-born unbribable black man on media cameras.

Dharam Khalsa with:
AAAAAAAAABBCCDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEFFGGGHHIIIIIIIIIJKLLLLMMNNNNNNOOOOOOOOPPQRRRRRRSSSSTTTTTTUUUUVVWWXYYZ [L][D]
=
O, upon a first exotic Noel,
Without baggage, a pan, or hotel
Infant Jesus arrived,
Quickly divinized,
A day remembered so well!

Dharam Khalsa with:
William Shakespeare said, "Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."=
Seeing faults, past ordeals, and aware now, will I overlook them?


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

eq1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
What gift from Santa would you like to see under the tree on Christmas? =
The uncut trees out in the yard with dreamlike gossamer of snow aloft.

eq1st - Scott Gardner with:
"What gift from Santa would you like to see under the tree on Christmas?" =
I want transfer of the U.S. White House term to a skilled young Democrat.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
What gift from Santa would you like to see under the tree on Christmas? =
It's the treasured stuff we cut I seek: "Harmony on earth, goodwill to man."

Christopher Sturdy with:
Famous heiress holding a lottery ticket worth a fortune wasn't due me!

Larry Brash with:
I want lots of drugs to use, my man, like THC (or weed). After that, use heroin.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Show me a well-redrafted, tighter, more safe US Constitution. Thank you!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
At least four milkmaids on Day Two, without French hens or utter geese

View with:
Currently, I wish these: food to eat, water to drink, a female hug, not sums.

David Bourke with:
I *do* wish to win Mey Kraus' Challenge! Stuff around the tree matters too?

Dharam Khalsa with:
I wish he knew of ultimate gourmet restaurants not closed for the day!

Adie Pena with:
More steady work to sustain the ruined, self-taught, low-income father.

Dharam Khalsa with:
No toy or statue with lead from two-shift unregulated Chinese makers!

Tony Crafter with:
The tree-treat? Easy! Uma Thurman in two stockings - she would do for life!

David Bourke with:
I thought my wife and soulmate Catherine starkers, towels underfoot!

Ellie Dent with:
Know what I'd choose, someone truly dear: astute, affluent 'Mister Right'.

Andrew with:
Our Eden seeked out a hug: "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth!"

Tony Crafter with:
Oh ... the secret of eternal life? Youth? Raw-stud status? Ok - now I'm dreaming!

Adrian Hickford with:
Christ! Sweet Mother of God! Santa's unlikely to feature, with me around!

Ellie Dent with:
One enormous turkey that we taste will do for us... and a chef. I might rest.

Hans-Peter Reich with:
Sweet harmony, free time once, good future without risks. And thats all!

Dharam Khalsa with:
I want the world to forget the "I see Russia (and elk) from my house" nut act!

Rick Rothstein with:
You mutter, "A naked girl who shows off her elite arse, tits and cunt to me."

Dharam Khalsa with:
Not actual stuff, some time this week with our three-year-old grandson.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Now musty, hideous deteriorating skeleton of Mr. Claus after the thaw.


THE LONG CATEGORY


1st - Tony Crafter with:
A married man left work early one Friday, but instead of going straight home, went off partying with the boys all weekend.

When the man finally reappeared at his home on the Sunday night, his wife Connie was apoplectic with rage.

After a few of hours of stamping and screaming, she asked, 'And how would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?'...

The husband could not believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and promptly said, 'Terrific! That would suit me just fine!'

Monday went by, and the man did not see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

=

A man and his wife were midweek-shopping in Tesco, when the husband saw some tins of lager and idly loaded them into the trolley

'Oi! What do you think you're doing?' demanded his wife.

'Well, they're on offer, only ten pounds for twenty-four tins,' he blubbered.

'Put them back, we can't afford beer!' hissed his wife. He sulkily did as she said and they continued shopping...

A few aisles later the woman saw a jar of Divine Face Cream costing twenty-pounds and duly put it in the trolley.

'Oi! What the hell are you doing?' demanded the guy, we can't afford that!'

'It's my face cream. It makes me look young and beautiful,' she said.

The man replied, 'Well, so does twenty-four tins of lager, and it's half the price!'

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Three men suddenly died on Christmas Eve and were warmly met by the kindly and soft-spoken Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'In honor of this special holy season,' Saint Peter declared, 'Each one of you should possess an object that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a white cigarette lighter. He flicked it on and said, "Ah this represents a candle.'

'You may now pass through the Pearly Gates,' Saint Peter said.
~
The second inventive man reached into his pocket, pulled out a set of keys and shook them.

"I signify bellsí rings."

Saint Peter said, 'Yes, they do. You may pass through the Pearly Gates.'

The third man started searching desperately through his clothes and finally pulled out the nicest pair of panties.

A sceptic St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow.

'Madness! And just what does that womanís one personal thing symbolize?'

The cornered man bluffed, 'These are Carolís.'

3rd - David Bourke with:
Donald Rumsfeld, United States Secretary of Defense, is giving President
George W. Bush his daily White House war briefing. He speaks for twenty
minutes, and he concludes by saying: "I regret to have to break this very
unfortunate news to you...I have just received a message that yesterday
three Brazilian support personnel deployed in Helmand, southern Afghanistan,
were attacked and killed in action, following ferocious fighting and an explosion
at an American forces checkpoint. They stood no chance at all."

"What the heck? Oh, hell no!" President Bush gasped, horrified. "Oh god,
how awful! How wicked! That's absolutely terrible! Why, ahm appalled...
truly devastated! Poor guys!"

The President's people just sit in the corners and watch helplessly, shocked at
his uncharacteristic display of emotion. The choked President sits practically
motionless, with his head buried in his hands, as though deep in thought.
However, after about fifteen minutes of this, a tearful President Bush finally looks
back up, and he says to the Secretary of Defense, "Yo, Don! So, smart Alec!
Tell me...how many actually IS a brazillion?"

=

The United States Vice-President, Richard B. Cheney, gets
an urgent telephone call from the president, George W. Bush.

"Yo, Dick, y'all!" says Bush, "...ahm afraid ah've got me a little
bit of a problem, can ya'll come around now?"

"Why, sir? What's up, sir?" replies Cheney.

"Well, ya know ya'll told me that ah should keep mahself nice
and busy when in the Oval Office?"

"Yessir...now that I sure did, sir!"

"...so ah did like ya'll said, and ah went and got me this little jigsaw
puzzle, but for the life of me now, ah can't fit none of the pieces
together, and neither can ah find any of the dang edges at all."

"And could I ask what it's supposed to be a picture of, sir?" says Cheney.

"It's supposed to be a big old rooster" replies the American president.

"Alright, sir..." sighs Cheney, wearily. "...I'll come around to you right
now and have a look at it for you, sir!". He then leaves his office and
rushes over to the Oval, where President Bush is sat, pointing at the desk,
with a frustrated expression on his face. Cheney glances at the hundreds
of pieces on the desk, and turns to President Bush and says, "For crying
out loud, sir! Why don't you just put all them Cornflakes back into the packet?"

Adie Pena with:
Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt very badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, likewise Irishmen, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Seamus said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Can you please roll him over?"

So the mortician rolled him over.

Seamus looked and said, "Nope, it ain't dear old Paddy."

Well, the mortician thought that was rather strange, so he brought Sean in to likewise identify the charred body.
~
Sean took a look at the disfigured stiff and said, "Yup, he's burnt bad, roll him over."

The mortician did and Sean insisted, "No, it definitely ain't him, mister."

The disoriented mortician asked, "How can you tell, son?"

The bumbling Sean blabbered, "You see, Paddy had two arseholes, sir."

"What, he had two arseholes?!" blurted the dumbfounded mortician, restraining his laughter.

"Yup, everyone knew that," an insistent Sean pressed. "Every time we came around, people'd say, "Here comes merry Paddy with them two arseholes..."


Dharam Khalsa with:
From "The Nightmare Before Christmas"

Rosie Perera with:
Chelsea Clinton asked a returning U.S. private about what he feared more than anything. He said there were only three things he was afraid of: Osama, Obama, and Yo Mama!=
Oh, gee, wait...As I see it, there are maybe three things more fearsome than that, he added: Bush (a liar), Cheney, and a woman VP from yon Alaska.... And a continual war. (Four things.)

Dharam Khalsa with:
Little Jack Horner

Ellie Dent with:

WHERE ART THOU, MOTHER CHRISTMAS?

Where are thou, Mother Christmas?
I only wish I knew
Why Father should get all the praise
And no-one mentions you.

I'll bet you buy the presents
And wrap them large and small
While all the time that rotten swine
Pretends he's done it all.

So Hail To Mother Christmas
Who shoulders all the work
And down with Father Christmas,
That unmitigated jerk.

(Roald Dahl)

=

WHY SANTA'S NOT A MALE

Men hate to shop.

Would a real male dress up in that red work-suit and hat with fur?

When would a male relish that rather lighthearted title, 'Jelly Belly', humorous or not.

With respect, healthy men aren't that interested in stockings unless a girl's in them.

Slow old men, who'd rather shirk responsibility for Christmas, dread what word? Commitment.

HO! HO! HO!

What a HE-HE-HEEL!

Rosie Perera with:
United States Presidential Oath of Office: "I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States." =
Today I, Obama, the Elected One, swear never to repeat the errors that oddest idiot President Bush made. So don't expect fifty iffy, awful wars; futile loss of life; fisticuffs on those in confinement; illicit help to the entitled affluent; a shitty attitude.

Rosie Perera with:
President Bush grants nineteen pardons. Vice President Cheney's former Chief of Staff Lewis "Scooter" Libby is not among them.=
The sinner who is guilty (of pretty perverse offenses, enforcing bad science amid bombs in the streets) cannot pardon himself.

Dharam Khalsa with:
An elderly man is out late in the backyard trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the clouded air; however, it soars for seconds and plummets down into a neighbor's yard. Doggedly, he tosses it up a few more times with no luck. All the while, his beady-eyed wife watches out the kitchen window.
~
Muttering to herself how men are nitwits and need to be told how to do everything, the irked wife opens the window, and yells at her husband, "You need a bit of tail!"

The cheerless white-whiskered chap wisecracks sarcastically, "I wish you'd make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite!"

Rosie Perera with:
"I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth." - John F. Kennedy
=
Since then, the inimitable United States has achieved that lofty if iffy objective -- landing astronauts there and taking lunar dirt home. Google "men + moon + film." (No need. Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!)

Ellie Dent with:
Reasons why SANTA can't possibly be a man:

- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the 'Ho Ho Ho' thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment

=

How about the typical modern MOTHER, juggling with unending jobs at CHRISTMAS... and beyond.

- Warm home.
- Trim tree.
- Queue to buy in essential cards, poultry, greens, bubble bath, bleach... everything.
- Discipline, serve then feed and water starving children.
- Fit tea-towel on young girl's head ... minor role in school play.
- Find skates, sled... quickly!
- Fashion snowman in two minutes.
- Treat tiny lad: think maybe he has nits, or worse... measles.
- Be a blooming veritable SUPERWOMAN!

- Women cope... while men seem to fail.


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:



The Solution


2nd - Larry Brash with:
The International Council of Man Laws.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry, ONLY under these circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog died to save its master.
(b) When you realize that Angelina Jolie is about to button her blouse.
(c) Just after wrecking your boss's prize car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: A man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by friends.

4: If you have known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. Even remembering your mate's birthday is optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the cover for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It's permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you are sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: The girl who replied to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360.

=

13: If a man's fly is down, frankly that's his problem. You didn't see a damn thing.

14: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate it truthfully by quite a similar knowledge of the game and, further, by the ability to drink as many beers as other sports watchers.

15: It's recommended that a man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight hard.

16: Never pause to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not BOTH. Remember, that's plain greedy, rude, unfunny and a crime.

17: If you compliment a man on his six-pack, you'd better likely be talking about his choice of beer, and not his tummy.

18: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a former friend of yours. However, you may if she's unreasonably and stubbornly withholding sex pending your response.

19: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you're on the same footing (both urinating or both waiting in line). For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is likely all the conversation you will need.

20: Never allow a phone conversation with a woman to run longer than you're able to have intercourse with her. Further, keep a stopwatch by the phone. By the way, hang up if necessary.

21: The morning after you and a married woman, who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling quite weird and guilty isn't a reason for you not to nail her again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

22: It is assumed acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

23: You shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.


3rd - David Bourke with:
The Night Before Christmas


Tony Crafter with:
Do Ya Think I'm Sexy


Adie Pena with:
Snowflakes


Neil Ramsay with:
Santa Claus is coming to town


Dharam Khalsa with:
Here's a tale that's induced some laughter


Adie Pena with:
If you see a fat man who's jolly and cute


Adie Pena with:
Scrabble Limerick


Dharam Khalsa with:
Scrabble Limerick


Dharam Khalsa with:
The Twelve Days of Christmas


Dharam Khalsa with:
Chicago


Mike Torr with:
Bagpuss


Dharam Khalsa with:
O little town of Bethlehem


Adie Pena with:
Scrabble Limerick


Dharam Khalsa with:
Scrabble Limerick


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
The human reproductive system =
Her cunt... it's due to have my sperm.

eq2nd - David Bourke with:
A shorter penis =
Another pisser!

eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Licking arses ~
sickens a girl!

Paul Pan with:
President Obama =
Dreamboat penis!

David Bourke with:
They say that if you go black, then you never go back! =
Hey, honky! Best get a big, ultra-heavy coon to fuck ya!

Dharam Khalsa with:
So why are male prostitutes like Inspector Clouseau? =
O, without a mistake, are conspicuously Peter Sellers!

Neil Ramsay with:
the porn site =
hotter penis

David Bourke with:
The Philips Intimate Massager =
Primes genitalia...hit the spasm!

Adie Pena with:
A damn person still has ~
a short and small penis.

View with:
Hard on ~
or hand?

Tony Crafter with:
A Durex Fetherlite Intense Condom =
Fit on the erect male nude rod in sex.

Adie Pena with:
As nuns inspected ~
cunts and penises.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Doc with a man: "Max, you've got to stop masturbating!" ~
Guy: "What?"
Doc: "Stop moving! I'm about to start an exam!!"

David Bourke with:
Crap organ music, turkeys...oh, it's sad! ~
Go and stick Christmas up your arse!

Meyran Kraus with:
A hung movie star =
Hurt some vagina.


The Anagrammy Awards