Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2009


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
It's a life worth living ~
if I win that girl's love!

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Press Control-Alt-Delete ~
and tell loser PC to reset!

3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
A hot actress =
At the Oscars.

View with:
Defenestration =
Die faster - no net!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Random kindness and senseless acts of beauty =
Select friends and send baskets as "Anonymous."

Tony Crafter with:
Payback time =
May pack bite.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
An ostrich with its head in the sand ~
can't see what hit so hard in its hind

Dharam Khalsa with:
Many average logos rearranged ~
are very good general anagrams

Adie Pena with:
The paleontologists =
Atop long lost site, eh?

Ellie Dent with:
Heat for ~
hot fare.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Top critics rail upon ~
corrupt politicians.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Sodium thiopental =
I out plot man hides.

Rosie Perera with:
A child's security blanket =
Easily clutch; best in dark.

Adie Pena with:
The architectural designs =
Greatest details in church.

Adrian Hickford with:
Architectural Studies =
I teach structural side.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Parliamentary sovereignty =
In reality, a party governs me

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ingredients =
Needing stir

John Fidler with:
We hoist, hang linen ~
on the washing line

Tony Crafter with:
A sermonising priest ~
ignores mean spirits.

vetstadium with:
Underaged drinking =
Kid enduring danger


1st - Richard Napier with:
Slumdog Millionaire =
Regional Muslim idol

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Jan Vermeer's: The Girl with a Pearl Earring =
Prime virgin lets hang a rather rare jewel.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Vermeer's "The Lacemaker", MusŽe du Louvre, Paris =
Her demure reverie, a true calm, speaks volumes

Tony Crafter with:
Mark Twain's 'The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn'. =
Freedom raft-run taken by Huck with sinner slave.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell star in "Groundhog Day" =
Bland comedy with a daily rerun and glamorous girl

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Slumdog Millionaire" will be a big Academy Awards hit =
Lowly Mumbai chaiwalla deliberating sordid images.

Adie Pena with:
'American Idol' contestants =
Talent and cosmetics on air.

Scott Gardner with:
Dali, "The Persistence of Memory" =
Lord, many soft timepieces here!

Adie Pena with:
"Impression, Soleil Levant (Sunrise)" =
Monet inspires several illusions.

Tony Crafter with:
ÔCrescent Moon' (a ~
concerto's name).

Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet: 'Impression Sunrise (Soleil Levant)' =
Luminous scene: artist loves models 'en plein air'!

View with:
Federico Fellini's "Satyricon" =
Ironical, dirty scenes of life

Adie Pena with:
Charles Robert Darwin's "Theory of Evolution" =
With records of our notable, horny relatives! ;-)

Meyran Kraus with:
Johannes Vermeer's The Girl with a Pearl Earring =
A rare art marvel posing her shining jewel there.

Chrisopher Sturdy with:
Actress Wendy Richard (a.k.a. Pauline Fowler) =
East End daily worker has awful cancer. RIP


1st - Larry Brash with:
Fatal bushfires in the state of Victoria, Australia =
The rural fires. It is at a cost of lives, fauna, & habitat.

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
The global financial crisis =
Brilliant, I face losing cash.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Selma Hayek filmed breastfeeding in public =
Ideal femme cheekily lifts up bra and begins!

Paul Pan with:
Michael Phelps apologises =
A cop ogles: "I smell hash pipe!"

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Abraham Lincoln's two-hundredth birthday =
Both him and that Charles Darwin duly born.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Olympian, Michael Phelps =
O, my! He'll lament 'hash pipe' pic!

Jesse Frankovich with:
The economic stimulus payments =
System can help out communities.

Tony Crafter with:
A Royal Bank of Scotland shareholder =
All tears, no cash, foolhardy and broke.

Chris Chatfield with:
Pigeon smuggler =
More up leggings?

Rosie Perera with:
United States taxpayers =
Extra destitute sans pay.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Will you be my Valentine? ~
We'll unite in love by May!

Rosie Perera with:
GOP Congressman Breaches Security Via Twitter =
Egocentric 'shrub' gives away important secrets.

View with:
Israel set for final campaign day =
A fair election. My fair land gasps.

Meyran Kraus with:
The wildfire in Australia =
I saw rural life die in that.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Luiz Felipe Scolari has been sacked =
Brazilian sues fickle Chelsea dope.

Adie Pena with:
The Continental Airlines plane crash in Buffalo =
Help! All burnt in a flash at scene of incineration.

Rosie Perera with:
Senate approves stimulus bill =
"Slump is over!" -- pleasant, but lies.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Senate approves stimulus plan =
Suppose slump's an alternative.

Rosie Perera with:
Tax credit for first-time American homebuyers =
A firm dream: this better fix erratic U.S. economy.

Adie Pena with:
The Obama Stimulus Plan =
Bemoan a U.S. slump. Halt it!

Neil Ramsay with:
Bosses burn ~
RBS bonuses.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Woman uses wedgie to capture suspected thief =
We gasped "Ee!" as EMT cut undies out with forceps

Tony Crafter with:
Winslet has finally got her Oscar! =
Tally-ho! A win for English actress!

David Bourke with:
Winslet has finally got her Oscar! =
Tears flow...she'll cry again, no shit!

Meyran Kraus with:
The Republicans are fighting the president ~
after hearing the principles in the budgets.

Dharam Khalsa with:
First Lady Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama =
She's admirably thin in 'Vogue', no local arm flab!


1st - Adie Pena with:
President Obama =
Man to be praised.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Professor Stephen William Hawking =
Know-all, whispering phrases of time.

David Bourke with:
The actress Freida Pinto =
Respect the Star of India!

3rd -Scott Gardner with:
Charles Robert Darwin =
Brit scholar/wanderer.

View with:
Michael Phelps =
Help, I'm a schlep!

Jesse Frankovich with:
President Barack Obama =
Came to repair bad banks?

David Bourke with:
Thomas Andrew Daschle =
Old man's a shrewd cheat!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
President Obama ~
promenades a bit.

Dharam Khalsa with:
President Barack Hussein Obama =
Pardon me, USA, his neck's a bit bare!

Meyran Kraus with:
Baroness Margaret Hilda Thatcher (nee Roberts) =
Most regard her as a real tense, abhorrent bitch!

Neil Ramsay with:
The former American president George Walker Bush =
This false, warmongering murderer broke the peace.

Rosie Perera with:
"Octo-mom" Nadya Suleman =
O, man! Many lads come out.

Rosie Perera with:
Zero drug? Lie! Ax ~
Alex Rodriguez.

Ellie Dent with:
US President Obama =
Promises... unabated.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Actress Gwyneth Kate Paltrow =
Pretty straw locks - what a gene!

Meyran Kraus with:
Miss Nadya Suleman =
Sadly, a mum's insane.


1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Amnesty International =
Meant to nail tyrannies.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Microsoft's Help and Support site =
Had pointless tips for computers.

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Royal Bank of Scotland =
Bad loans rock that felony.

Adie Pena with:
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences =
Decent (yet famous and cinematic) Oscar trophies!

Rosie Perera with:
The Vaccine Injury Compensation Program =
Prove injections can harm me; court paying.

Rosie Perera with:
The United States Food and Drug Administration =
I tested and found rat turd in a steaming dish, too.

Rosie Perera with:
The Immaculate Conception =
Nice match. Copulate? No time!

David Bourke with:
Warrington Bank Quay station, Cheshire =
A bar here...can't kiss or anything, quit now!

Tony Crafter with:
Edinburgh International Film Festival ~
intend featuring half-brilliant movies!

Tony Crafter with:
Governor of California =
Favor for Arnie cooling?

Adie Pena with:
Sodium thiopental =
Human lie? Do stop it!

View with:
The Santa Monica Bay =
Many canoes' habitat

David Bourke with:
Tony Blair Associates =
Sincerity's taboo, alas!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) =
Compulsory vaccines, sterility, or fate of a non-pet


eq1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life =
Tome an English biologist has penned to argue for evolution is offence to rural vicars: it offers near-perfect heresy.

eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
Deaths rise in the bushfire conflagrations in Victoria, Australia. =
That evil arsonist has caused horrific burn fatalities in a region.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you." -Thomas Jefferson =
It doesn't matter if you're too isolated, not found in 'Who's Who'. Awaken! And once awake, dance joyfully!

View with:
The President: "Financial firms' bonuses are shameful" =
Americans, be simple, not selfish! The funds are unfair!

Rosie Perera with:
"We do not inherit the Earth from our parents, we borrow it from our children." (Old American Indian saying) =
What we do now, emitting cruel, horrible radiation for more profit, harms innocents in a year or hundred.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Tough heroism didn't prevent the disaster at a Groundhog Day celebration in Alaska =
The big rodent eagerly stuck its head out, and Governor Sarah Palin aimed and shot it!

Dharam Khalsa with:
We're taught as young children to respect our elders =
Now they're under the April crocuses, glad to greet us.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Bush memorial, eh? They'll mark it's ugly headstone: "I do not want to be taken seriously, ~
although I'll demand that my wish not to be taken seriously be taken more seriously!"

Neil Ramsay with:
Oscar Levant:
A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it. =
Will that Brown ever admit how his Labour policies escalated this economic angst?
A: No

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SCPA) International ~
is nonprofit to shelter, vaccinate, spay or neuter, then locate into family.

Adie Pena with:
"I think the American people - I hope the American - I don't think, let me - I hope the American people trust me." (George W. Bush) =
Alright, we're keeping the imbecile, the nincompoop -- a metaphoric elephantine mistake -- to head ... no, hurt the U.S. empire.

Ellie Dent with:
Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond. =
Then London's grasping, reprobate bankers collect the shared cash... and civilians get less.

Dharam Khalsa with:
King Charles I once asked the court jester to make up a pun. "Upon what subject?" asked the fool. "Make one on me," said Charles. =
"That I cannot do," chuckled the amused house jester, also known as a moral-makeup peacekeeper, "for the King is no subject!"

View with:
Schwarzenegger defends tax rise, says GOP should work with Obama=
Gee whiz, Arnold guards Barack's methods, exposes new ways of Right!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Auntie grinned about Python men's fantasy jab at famous old hit song "Anything Goes" =
"Anything goes in, anything goes out: fish, bananas, old pyjamas, mutton, beef and trout..."

Meyran Kraus with:
The hit film "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" =
The 'fossil' in that junk? Heck, it's mainly the old leading man, Ford!


1st - Tony Crafter with:
Voltaire: Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination =
Love is:
Bette Midler: "A rose."
Branson: "A Virgin."
Hefner: "A bunny."
Cad: "A duty I avoid, ami!"

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
Voltaire: Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination =
Love is a Sunday Morning in bed; Radio Five. A bacon butty, tea and her smile arrive.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Voltaire: Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination =
Love is a brave, devoted husband, maintaining our family and career in sobriety.

Meyran Kraus with:
Roses are vibrant
Violets do bud again
And if you're my valentine,
I'd be a rich man!

Rosie Perera with:
A virgin? A barmaid? Vicar, nudist, moon-brain? The Beatles say you need love, friend.

View with:
Everyone demands it, but love - divine union, real harmony is gift, is abracadabra!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Hefner: A myriad girls did evolve, but a bare bunny is a divine creation -- a man's, too!

Tony Crafter with:
February: It's Valentines Day and I, er, have no card. Am I unloved? Am I boring? So be it.

David Bourke with:
Love is mainly an idea; A vivid, heartburning dream of beauty...or bad tennis score!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ma: Identify love in sharing abundant service; measure love by broad radiation.

Dharam Khalsa with:
'Love is blind, my dear'
Odd mantra I hear;
'Virtue can't be obvious'
Easing any in fear?

View with:
Love defined as:
Young mothers' love - abided ,
mature - nirvana, barbaric asininity

Dharam Khalsa with:
Love is a union and image that survives beyond birdbrained fairytale romance.

Adie Pena with:
A horny nut
Nailed a virgin.
Come, baby. I
End it, forever a

Dharam Khalsa with:
Men, send no gaudy feather boa, bra, or Victorian Valentine drivel. I said I am busy!

Neil Ramsay with:
Libido, if in arousal
overbrims at you.
Viagra enhances
every damned, bad intent.

Adrian Hickford with:
Being as I'm married, no doubt I can avoid her Saint Valentine's February love-day.

Ellie Dent with:
Love is truly divine: a dream association, an enduring habit, baby and me... forever.

Dan Fortier with:
A Valentine Day vision: hear animosity rubbed out, and foreign rivals embraced.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Rubaiyat" love verses (in a ribbon) are favoured any night in nomadic Middle East.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Artist Goya claims love's a very uninhibited maiden, unrobed, bra-free on a divan.

View with:
Love is many dear, beamy, beautiful, erotic things; diversion, nirvana, a dear bond.

Adie Pena with:
And after having tiny babies, love is invariably more rude a second time around!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Uninitiated dicey love,
Barren as an inbred dove,
Assaulting my hair from above.

Adie Pena with:
Nay, a real devout love is maintaining a very birdbrained Bush for a second time!

Dharam Khalsa with:
I can derive five anagram variations, based on my ability, but should render one.

Adie Pena with:
Love is a married chief using a rubber on Valentine's Day to avoid any damn tribe! ;-)

Meyran Kraus with:
Overby: Love is a rose - mild and near-radiant behaviour, but may sting in defiance.

Meyran Kraus with:
Love means never having to say "sorry"? Idiotic and untrue, I'm afraid... bad line, babe!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Nun: Love, my friend, is invariably the bride and groom; a variation causes debate.

Larry Brash with:
Behave very badly until it's named a basis for marriage union to end in a divorce.

Christopher Sturdy with:
His name is an anagram of "I love art". Ruddy creditable observation; even I'd buy in.

Meyran Kraus with: <
I read love is blind, but a marriage can redefine that very bad vision! (Anonymous)


1st - Tony Crafter with:
Terry checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought of the girls he'd seen advertised in telephone booths when he'd phoned for cabs in the past.

He zipped into a phone booth near the hotel and spotted an ad for a kittenish girl who called herself Demelza; a quite beautiful temptress, bending over in the photo. Demelza had all the right curves in the right places, beautiful long, dark wavy hair; gorgeous, endless legs... well, you get the picture! He noted the number and hurried back to the hotel.

When back in the room Terry figured, 'what the hell, let's give her a call!'

'Hello,' the woman said. God, she sounded sexy!

'Hi, I hear you give great massages and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one... No, wait; let me be totally straight with you. I am in town alone and what I really desire is sex. I want it hard, and I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, kinky toys, leather straps, rubber cucumbers, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll get hot and steamy; tie me up, smear me with chocolate syrup and whipped cream. Be crazy all night. Whatever you want! How does that sound to you?'

She said, 'It sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line '


As the No.9 bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, Yvonne soon became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up onto the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she apologised and shyly reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, hoping this would give her enough slack to lift her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she could not. No way.

So, even more embarrassed, she once again reached behind to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg high enough. With an apologetic smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more but again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan guy who was standing behind her lifted her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

Yvonne went ballistic! She turned to the would-be Samaritan, yelling, 'How dare you touch my body? I don't even know you!'

The Texan smiled convivially and drawled, 'Well ma'am, I hear you, and normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.'

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Last week I took my eighty-four-year-old dad to a mall to buy some new shoes, and we stopped to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The young man had spiked hair in all different colors: green and blue, orange and red.

My dad just kept on staring at him.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked:

"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"


Knowing my Leo father's temperament, I hurriedly ate and swallowed my food to avoid gagging or choking later, since he was guaranteed to unleash a totally spontaneous comeback right then and there.

In his own admittedly hardheaded style, he straightened himself up at the table and didn't bat an eye before retorting:

"Got drunk at a hotel one time and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you're my son."

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
My Favorite Things (from The Sound of Music)

Dharam Khalsa with:
Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi gave this list of the seven most dangerous traits for humanity:
* Wealth without Work
* Pleasure without Conscience
* Science without Humanity
* Knowledge without Character
* Politics without Principle
* Commerce without Morality
* Worship without Sacrifice


Wow, the twentieth-century activist understood the frailties of human nature! It would appear that he was commenting on those avaricious politicians, mooching Wall Street CEOs, and irreligious church characters. My motto: Wake up, aim high with lofty optimism, without which we suck!

View with:
I said it in Hebrew, I said it in Dutch

Adie Pena with:
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense."


Offended the obnoxious wife anew? Arrogantly upset over a tiny thing, too? Unfortunately, no chance, no way out.

Don't say another word that may incriminate you. Let the savage tongue rant, rave and do all the annoying yapping.

Ah, yes, keeping quiet is very advisable. Or it's your funeral.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sarah Palin is not yet done. Hah! She's been volunteering to grab the attention whenever she can, but belittles the 'media' lies. =
"The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else." - George Bernard Shaw

Dharam Khalsa with:
"The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else." - George Bernard Shaw =
Sarah Palin's intimate bio's unbelievable to anyone but her; hence, she's enraged that even the lies she told then got written.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Oscar night's ten most outrageous quotes
(from online 'People')

"You look like you work in a Hasidic meth lab," Natalie Portman said to Ben Stiller (dressed as Joaquin Phoenix), while presenting Best Cinematography award.

"Has anybody ever fainted here? Because I might be the first one," asked PenŽlope Cruz, accepting her first Oscar, for Best Supporting Actress (for Vicky Cristina Barcelona)

"Say whatever is on your mind because you know we have a seven-second delay. But if you win, we switch to a twenty-minute delay," was host Hugh Jackman's warning to Best Actor nominee Mickey Rourke, liable to use an inappropriate troublesome F-word.

"She's beautiful, and I love her, and she can like, adopt me if she wants to," remarked Miley Cyrus about Best Actress nominee Angelina Jolie, to 'E!' host Ryan Seacrest.

"Don't fall in love with me," Steve Martin said to Tina Fey, playing out their own form of soap opera ardor, while presenting the Best Screenplay Adaptation Oscar.

"I had to become a vampire to find the right woman," joked Twilight star Robert Pattinson, presenting the tight montage of romantic moments found in the year's films.
"Think I could make this into a pipe?" wondered outspoken 'Pineapple Express' star Seth Rogen, marveling on the wanted Oscar statuette in a skit with famous cinematographer Janusz Kaminski and James Franco about the year's best comedy films.

"On set they can be your mother, your father, even your therapist. They can even manage hostage negotiations when a certain actor is having trouble coming out of their trailer. Not that I'm speaking about myself. But you know who you are, Ben Stiller," voiced lovely Reese Witherspoon, eloquently praising the leadership of cast directors before presenting Best Director award.

"How did he do it? How for so many years did Sean Penn get all those jobs playing straight men?" jibed incredulous action man Robert De Niro, obviously blown away, assessing Penn's Best Actor nomination as gay politician Harvey Milk.

"I want to be very clear that I do know how hard I make it to appreciate me, often," confessed quarrelsome Sean Penn because of his notoriously difficult temperament, as Best Actor award was bestowed upon him for flawless acting in the masterpiece feature film 'Milk'.


eq1st - Adie Pena with:

The solution

eq1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet LIV

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
She married and had thirteen children. Her husband died.

She married again and had seven more children. Again, the husband died.

Then she remarried and this time had five more children. The husband died.

She finally died after having twenty-five children.

Standing by her coffin, the preacher prayed for her soul. He thanked the good Lord for this very loving woman and said, 'Lord, they are finally together.'

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, 'Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?'

The friend replied, 'I think he means her legs.'

A little boy was overheard praying: 'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.'

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Tommy cried all the way home in the car.

Tommy's mother asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the lad sobbed, 'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!'

A Sunday school teacher asked the children as they were on the way to a church service, 'So, why is it necessary for us to be quiet in church?'

One little girl replied, 'Because people are sleeping.'

A mother was preparing pancakes for her two young sons, Matt and Tommy.

The boys began to argue over who should get the first pancake. The mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have that first pancake, I can wait.'

Matt turned to his younger brother and said, 'Tommy, you be Jesus!'


The vicar asked if anyone in the congregation would like to offer thanks for prayers that had been answered.

A lady rose from the end bench and walked briskly to the church podium.

"Yes, me." she said, "I have a huge 'Thanks'. Three months ago, my dear husband, Harry, had a horrific bike crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The injuries were horrendous and the doctors didn't know if they'd be able to help him."

Everyone heard a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the horrible pain that Harry must have suffered.

"Harry was in agony, and unable to hug me or the children, as every move caused him terrible pain," she went on. "His disability was heartbreaking. We all prayed fervently as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the remains of Harry's barbarised scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Harry.

"Now," she finished, her voice quavering, Ňmy husband is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his crushed scrotum should recover completely. I thank the Lord!"

All the men sighed with relief. The vicar rose and hesitantly asked if anybody else had anything they wished to say.

A man rose and hobbled gingerly to the podium. "Hi," he said, "I'm Harry."

The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sometimes we wonder why friends keep forwarding 42 viral jokes to us without writing a word. Maybe this will explain:

A man and his dog were walking along the road. The man was enjoying the lovely scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the brown dog walking beside him had been dead for several years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, the wall was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Great! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

The man gestured and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed, yet there was no fence.
The tired wayfarer kept going. As he approached the gate, he acknowledged a man inside, leaning against a shade tree reading a book.

"Excuse me," he called to the lackadaisical man. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a well right there," he confirmed, summoning to the man, "Come on in!"

"How about my friend here?" The traveler gestured, looking in the direction of the dog wagging its tail.

"There should be a bowl by the well."

The traveler and the dog went through the open iron gate. Sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a flowered bowl beside it. He filled the water bowl, took one long drink himself, then shared some more with the dog.

When they both had their fill of water, the man and wagging dog walked back down toward the man who was standing by a dogwood tree, again reading.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven," the man answered.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the winding road claimed that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, the big palace with the glittering 24-carat gold street and awesome pearl-decorated gates?" He belly-laughed, roaring, "Wrong!! That's hell!"

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to hijack your name like that?" the wandering man asked.

"No, we're just happy that they screen out folks who would leave their best friends behind," he answered.

So, next time you are forwarded an email, take stock, and acknowledge the friend or associate somewhere at the other end of the computer who wanted to send along a smile -- then anagram the words!

Tony Crafter with:
Send in the Clowns

Adie Pena with:
Quite a tranquilizing escape here. We bizarre friends (just the five of us, okay?) can join, play and relax over some apt word game, without an invalid exotic gobbledygook term used.

Dharam Khalsa with:


1st - Tony Crafter with:
Pissing man =
Missing pan!

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Cloth diapers ~
hide crap ... lots!

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Those blue Viagra magic pills ~
give big miracles to a phallus.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Saint Valentine's Day, the fourteenth of February =
To stuff every hole in turn; a three-in-a-bed fantasy.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight? ~
Wife: Then, by gosh, stand up to iron! I'll sit and fart, eh?

View with:
Life sucks and then you die =
Fuck, destiny so unideal, eh?

Meyran Kraus with:
The Paris Hilton women's fragrance "Fairy Dust" =
(Warning: That fluid may consist of rare herpes.)

Rick Rothstein with:
Larger tits =
Girl "treats".

The Anagrammy Awards