SEPTEMBER 2009 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2009

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Neil Ramsay with:
First base
Second base
Third base
A home run =
Smooch
Rate breasts
Hand in briefs
Use a bed.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
The airbrushing of models and celebrities =
Get rid of acne or this undesirable blemish.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Environmentally damaged =
Man violated my green land!

Tony Crafter with:
A sheer-silk nightie =
High-risk tease-line!

Rosie Perera with:
"Cuisses de grenouilles" ~
ensures delicious legs.

View with:
An oasis in the desert =
I.e., ease thirst on sand.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Dr. Infomercial =
Confirmed liar.

Tony Crafter with:
Dark sepia =
Arid peaks.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Single woman =
No 'gem' in-laws!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The butchers spoke: ~
"The buck stops here!"

Scott Gardner with:
The melodramatist =
Is termed "total ham"

View with:
Destination =
Sent to India.

Adie Pena with:
Destinations =
One is distant.

Ellie Dent with:
A legendary soldier =
Lies dead: earn glory?

Ed Pegg Jr with:
**rsh*p o* Si*enc* =
Censorship.

Dharam Khalsa with:
How to test: Is it actual news or is it entertainment? =
The latter stirs acute emotions in nitwits, not awe.

Rosie Perera with:
Twitter's "fail whale" =
It's white flaw alert.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Beach travel destination =
Tan bachelor invites date.

Rosie Perera with:
Agile poetry catches ~
the Special category.

Meyran Kraus with:
The professional attorneys =
One fee stops any trial short.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Fourth "Indiana Jones" movie by Steven Spielberg =
I have a big problem, just one: Ford is seventy-nine!

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The Lord of the Rings musical =
Hear Frodo & little chums sing.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Disney cartoon version of 'The Little Mermaid'. =
Movie title for one animated children's story.

Adie Pena with:
Susan Boyle's "I Dreamed A Dream" CD =
A broad lady's music serenaded me.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Scarecrow, Tin Man, Lion, Dorothy =
Mind, rosy heart, crown, location.

Rosie Perera with:
Reality television show stars =
We sense hostility or travails.

Rosie Perera with:
The trumpet player Louis Daniel Armstrong =
My lips and tongue thus permit real art role.

Scott Gardner with:
The Lord of the Rings musical =
Hear Frodo's little chum sing

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Mastering the Art of French Cooking" by Julia Child =
Craft Guild chef Shirley can jot in the book margin.

Ellie Dent with:
HMS Pinafore or The Lass That Loved a Sailor =
Oh, that lavish opera... some old refrains last!

Adie Pena with:
Michael Moore's "Capitalism: A Love Story" =
Oh, America. So most still employ avarice!

Scott Gardner with:
The actress Olivia Mary de Havilland =
She had rival lady (Scarlett) in a movie

Meyran Kraus with:
The top drama on Emmy night =
'Mad Men' got the main trophy.

Rosie Perera with:
"Going Rogue: An American Life" by Sarah Palin =
I am a laugh; ran as a foreign policy beginner.

Meyran Kraus with:
Beyonce's 'Single Ladies' video =
I see lovely bodies dance, sing.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
Back-to-school sales =
A class book, clothes,...

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Anniversary of September Eleventh Two-thousand-one =
To an eyewitness of them, the planes burn over and over.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Tiny dinosaur fossil is unearthed =
Identifies oldish Tyrannosaurus.

Dharam Khalsa with:
FDA "unsure" how the frog or toad got in the Pepsi can =
Got within range and hopped, of course. Sue for that?!

Adie Pena with:
A toad is in my can of Pepsi! =
If a soda company is inept.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A Marvel Entertainment purchase by Walt Disney Co. =
Result may be a very chic new talent: Spider-Montana!

Rosie Perera with:
The Station Fire in California =
It's the incineration of fair L.A.

Rosie Perera with:
The US health care debate =
The result? Bet a headache!

Tony Crafter with:
On this one routine day
We, the world,
Changed forever.
=
Nine Eleven.
Ah, The Twin Towers.
Oh God!
Cry for our dead!

Meyran Kraus with:
Kanye West's disruption at the Music Video Awards =
So, a stupid man we hated ruins a sweet kid's victory?

Neil Ramsay with:
After hot iPhone parts? =
There is no app for that.

View with:
Obama Takes On Letterman =
Toast one marketable man!

View with:
Sydney dust storm =
Odd mystery stuns.

Adie Pena with:
The actress and writer Mackenzie Phillips =
Crazed minstrel Papa likes incest with her!

Tony Crafter with:
The film director Roman Polanski is arrested =
Rate child molester as kind of, er... minor rapist?

Adie Pena with:
The film director Roman Polanski is arrested ~
for errors in his past: Romanced me, a little kid!

View with:
Israel's Cease-Fire with Hamas Close to Snapping =
Palestinian message: "Halt crisis! Who's for peace?"

Meyran Kraus with:
Televised interview with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad =
I wish that evil madmen avoided the "Jew-run media"!


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Rene Descartes, French philosopher/mathematician =
Men chant the classic phrase: "I ponder, therefore I am".

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
Serena Williams ~
is mean. I'll swear.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The singer and musician Dolly Parton =
Country idol has endearing implants.

Adie Pena with:
American director Tim Burton =
A cinematic, morbid terror nut.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Newton Leroy Gingrich =
Rightwingerly neocon.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Adolf Hitler enriches
The Children of Israel.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The American tennis player Melanie Oudin =
I merely aim, and then I clear a net in US Open.

Adie Pena with:
Amelia Earhart =
Ah, real air mate!

Tony Crafter with:
Statesman Sir Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill =
War-chronicler-plus, and Hitler's constant Nemesis.

View with:
Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman =
Aid, big reform in Israeli government

Scott Gardner with:
The singer Mary Allin Travers =
Star's terminally in her grave.

View with:
Ralph Waldo Emerson =
Ah, all pen, more words!

Scott Gardner with:
The actress Norma Jeane Mortenson =
Star Monroe rejects an honest name?

Ed Pegg Jr with:
The People's Names Category =
Charles Goyette, Osman Pepe.

Scott Gardner with:
The famous actress Elizabeth Taylor =
The beauty or cast of her still amazes.

Scott Gardner with:
The actress Lauren Bacall =
Be tall, sensual character.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Arthur Stanley Jefferson "Stan Laurel" =
Our jester learns that falls are funny!

Scott Gardner with:
The television actress Angela Brigid Lansbury =
Girl sings "Beauty and the Beast" version, I recall.

Rosie Perera with:
Derrion Albert =
O, darn! Terrible!

Scott Gardner with:
Austin Danger Powers =
In words, a super-agent!

Scott Gardner with:
The director Roman Polanski =
Trial? Kid romancer hopes not!

View with:
Adolph Hitler Schicklgruber =
Group's Third Reich black Hell.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Prostate Specific Antigen =
Test if cancer is eating Pop.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Royal Philharmonic Orchestra =
A short Chopin or a lyric Mahler?

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The Mount Wilson Observatory, Pasadena =
Pay to view moon and solar bursts. Neat, eh?

View with:
Le Tour de France ~
fed tourer Lance.

Meyran Kraus with:
Garden Court Very Sheltered Housing ~
guards every old grouch sent in there.

Adie Pena with:
Willie Nelson's "Farm Aid" =
And millions saw relief!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Israel and the West Bank =
Dissent, then a bleak war.

Tony Crafter with:
Death Valley National Park =
Hi! Plan a trek to Nevada y'all!

Adie Pena with:
Windows Internet Explorer =
Expertise? World winner? NOT!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Constitution of Texas =
Out of context, it's a sin.

Rosie Perera with:
Peace Without Borders =
Deeper roots with Cuba.

Neil Ramsay with:
Gun Owners of America =
We grace union of arms.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Rude Category =
Gay to crude there.

Adie Pena with:
Mount Rushmore National Memorial, South Dakota =
Oh, mammoth rural site to laud our nation's A-OK men.

Rosie Perera with:
The Green Revolution =
To relieve hunger. (Not!)

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Senate Finance Committee =
Totemic maintenance fees.

Rick Rothstein with:
The Senate Finance Committee =
Eminent estimate of each cent.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Actors who won trophies at this year's Emmys:
- Alec Baldwin, "30 Rock"
- Toni Collette, "United States of Tara"
- Glenn Close, "Damages" =
Top contenders from the "Least Tact" contest:
- Serena Williams
- Congress Guy Who Called Obama A Liar
Host: Kayne "Idiot" West

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"I don't look like Halle Berry, but one day she sure as hell will look like me." (Whoopi Goldberg) =
Well, I like her! I like Goldberg's outlook - to keep humble and ballsy. So rare in Hollywood, eh?

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"The best does not come alone. It comes with the company of the all." -- Rabindranath Tagore, "Stray Birds" =
There is both a good and bad in the worst acts. They are all teachable moments for my introspection.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Fourteenth Dalai Lama, spiritual leader of Tibet =
Elite title, but I fled the Utopian area for Dharmsala.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Friends and family gather to lay Michael Jackson to rest =
"That's Jermaine, Sis La Toya and my great flock of children!"

Rosie Perera with:
Michael Moore's new film "Capitalism: A Love Story" premieres in Venice =
Impolite menace's movie spoofs rich Americans very well in real time.

Adie Pena with:
"The Flight of the Bumblebee" (the interlude from "The Tale of Tsar Saltan")=
I'll fumble the beat
Of Al Hirt's old but fast feat:
"The Green Hornet" Theme.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got."
-- Janis Joplin =
O, love, joy, drugs;
Joy until I cease my romp,
Silent upon a floor!

Adie Pena with:
The American singer-songwriter Mary Allin Travers dies =
Its real "Magic Dragon" rarely never rests; remains within.

Adie Pena with:
The World Trade Center, Nine Eleven, Year Two Thousand and One =
One evil leader and tyrant announced here the two towers' end.

Scott Gardner with:
Peter Yarrow, Noel "Paul" Stookey, and Mary Allin Travers ~
play loud New York arenas or Vietnam-era protest rally.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"The secret of being a bore is to tell everything." (from works of Voltaire) =
The most verbose relative glorifying herself on Facebook or Twitter.

View with:
America's dilemma: Would troop surge work in Afghanistan? =
OK, more fighters. Will it answer a mad, arduous campaign? No.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Quote said by the madcap comedian Stan Laurel: "If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again!" =
Hey, Evita, your musical a cappella 'Don't Cry For Me Argentina' may equal a key idea of old, but is not as funny!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Bill Clinton is saying the 'vast right-wing conspiracy' is 'as virulent' as it was' =
Republicans visit the town rally waving signs saying 'Socialist', 'Antichrist'.

Rosie Perera with:
Bill Clinton is saying the "vast right-wing conspiracy" is "as virulent as it was." =
Psycho nuts ranting, visibly waving illicit, racist hate slogans; news airs it.


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"Summer ends, and Autumn comes, and he who would have it otherwise would have high tide always and a full moon every night." - Hal Borland

=

A life now mute
amid a hush:
on valley mud,
where old leaves blush;
in wave's cold stare,
now dim and rough;
down in my heart,
that had enough.


2nd - Ellie Dent with:
"Summer ends, and Autumn comes, and he who would have it otherwise would have high tide always and a full moon every night." - Hal Borland =
In a word, why human souls must avoid melancholy; value the 'here and now.' Though leaves might wither, fall and die, new dreams do abound.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
"Summer ends, and Autumn comes, and he who would have it otherwise would have high tide always and a full moon every night." - Hal Borland =
Humid, humdrum months have gone away;
How we survived the sun heat midday.
Now ahead an orange-hued Fall.
Soon it'll be old Winter's call!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ah, Autumn - When leaves in most hedges turn a vivid colour, fall with abandon, and Old Lady Summer would head somewhere on the highway.

Adie Pena with:
Homeward bound with an old chum, I move down a highway as a hidden Vermont valley allows me to see the lush, natural red hues unfading.

Neil Ramsay with:
Autumnal harvest,
gravity undid low leaf.
Geese -- on holiday

Low, hushed, hidden moon.
Humans muddle -- what havoc.
Lawnmowers hibernate.

Ellie Dent with:
Oh, laugh! Let Autumnal winds howl.
Man, the woods, must change: many
leaves, red-hued, have faded.
Hundreds more whirl away into oblivion.

Rosie Perera with:
Autumn:
1. Warm dawdling days are done.
2. Colored leaves held on, waved in the howling wind ("hum hum hum").
3. Ahh, football season! (the US variety)

Tony Crafter with:
Withered leaves fill the woodland ground.
In death, made warmly vibrant.
Hush! A sound! Hey, a low, low hum.
Ah, God's in Heaven. Autumn's come!

Adrian Hickford with:
Hal Borland - oh, was he mad? High?
Having saturated lunar activity would mean human life suddenly ended. Oh! Momentous!

How?

Werewolves!

Rosie Perera with:
Uh-huh. He would also be a doggedly naive and uninvolved mammal (whom else?!) who didn't assume that winter is halfway around the corner.

Ellie Dent with:
Harvest time: Leaves dwindle now.
Winds howl through woodland.
Author's human, he may feel morbid.
A vague, unsaid, haunted melancholy.

Larry Brash with:
Some inevitable events:
1. Dull news shows (Huh?)
2. All unholy amoral war.
3. Huge dud government deadwood.
4. Infirmity (How much?)
5. And, aha... a death!

Tony Crafter with:
Ha! Hal (who?) revived a memory of a hallowed old Simon and G. tune...

"August, die she must. the Autumn winds blow chilly and..."

Ah; never heard now :-(

Ellie Dent with:
I mean, though Autumn hours give way to Winter, whatever road ahead, man, who's muddled, shall boldly move on and handle new. Such is life.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Oh, I am at a disadvantage dwelling in the USA.
My word 'color' (same with 'humor') would have flawed value,
shunned by the Londoners. Huh, men?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Huh? Hemingway's "Old Man and the Sea" fisherman duly avoided a showdown with a huge marlin under a curved moon, at low level, but he lost!

View with:
Hot days are gone and Fall arrives -
The Sun, in leaden cloud he dives.
Hum, meadow-wave! Hum, hum! Although
Wan Rain, the moldy Wind's to blow

Dharam Khalsa with:
Each autumn, I'll venture,
My at-home adventure
Is hand-weave flowers
And shells in dawn hours,
To mold a holiday bough;
High demand - Wow!

Neil Ramsay with:
A Human.

Who should I be - a human?
Who would harvest my day?
Who would find God's dream in the garden --
"L'automne est le silence avant l'hiver"

Dharam Khalsa with:
A high wind now;
Why huddle?
Wheat must blow;
Hush and cuddle!
A Vaudeville tune
To raise a morale:
"Shine on harvest moon -
for me and my gal."

Adie Pena with:
Ah, leaves unhinge,
Tint orange.

Had a hue mellow,
Such a yellow.

Oh, rust
Must...

Fall down.
Dyed brown.

How vivid a red.
Hush, am in a moment... dead.


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Two men are sitting next to each other at a bar.

After a while, one looks at the other and says, "Hearing your accent, do I detect that you are from Ireland."

"I am indeed!" concedes the second man.

"So am I!" exclaims the first man. "And just where in Ireland might ye come from?"

The other replies, "I come from Dublin."

The first man cries, "Me too! Ah, 'tis a small world! What street did ye live in?"

"I lived in a place called McCleary Street, off the old central area of the city."

"Amazing! So did I! And what school would ye have gone to, by chance'?"

"St. Mary's of course."

"As did I!" cries the first man. "And when did ye graduate?"

"Well, no lie; I graduated back in nineteen-eighty-eight."

"I can hardly believe we've each chanced to be sat in the same bar tonight," chuckles the first man. "Can ye believe that I myself, Feargel, graduated from St. Mary's that same year! Ah, the good Lord is smiling down happily upon us."

At the same time, another man walks up to the bar to order a beer.

The publican walks over shaking his head and huffs, "It's gonna be a long night tonight."

"Why?" asks the customer.

"The Clancy twins are pissed again."

=

A chicken farmer called into his local bar, sat down next to a woman and ordered a glass of their best champagne.

The woman perked up on hearing this, and she said, 'Hey, how about that? I've just ordered a glass of their best champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence,' the farmer said, 'The truth of the matter is, it's a very special day for me, so I'm celebrating.'

'That sure is interesting!" exclaimed the woman. "This is a special day for me too; so I'm also celebrating!'

'Isn't that an unusual coincidence?!' retorted the man. As they clinked their glasses together, the farmer asked her, 'So, what is it that you're celebrating? '

'Well, my husband and I have been trying to have a child for a very long time, and today my gynaecologist told me that I'm pregnant!'

'Well, that's another coincidence,' said the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my usual hens have been infertile but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs.'

'Wow, that's great!' said the woman. 'So... how did your chickens eventually become fertile?'

'Oh, I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'Hmm, what a coincidence...'

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
An out-of-towner in a rush drives his car into a muddy ditch on a desolate country road, and waits in vexation for a time. Fortunately, a farmer arrives, coming in from the fields with a big strong horse named Buddy, and offers the man some help.

He hitches Buddy up to the car and yells out, "Taffy, pull!" Buddy doesn't move.

The farmer shouts, "Beauty, pull!" The horse won't even budge.

Once more the farmer commands, "Jennie, pull!" Nothing.

Nonchalantly tucking in the shirt he wears, the farmer says, "OK, Buddy, pull." The energetic horse drags the auto up out of the mud.

The motorist is appreciative, yet curious. He asks the farmer why he called the horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer notes, "The reason is, Buddy's blind, and if he thought he was the only one of the team pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

=

A husband and wife, driving down a dry bumpy lane on their way to visit some friends, come to a muddy patch in the road and the car becomes mired. After several minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they notice a young farmer hiking down the lane, driving some oxen before him.

The farmer stops when he sees the couple in trouble and offers to pull the car out of the mud for forty dollars. The husband accepts and just moments later the car is freed. The farmer turns to the husband and says, "By the way, chum, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud this morning."

The husband looks all around at the fields incredulously and then asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?"

"No," the young farmer replies seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
"Childhood", by Michael Jackson


Dharam Khalsa with:
I'm Henry the Eighth, I Am


Adie Pena with:
So bye-bye, Miss American Pie


Dharam Khalsa with:
THE ZODIACAL SIGN OF GEMINI

* Most likeable personality traits: The Gemini is responsive, a great communicator, and a true humanitarian.
* Glyph: The Roman numeral II.
* Symbol: The Twins (associated with duality, humanism, versatility, and communication).
* Ruling Planet: Mercury.
* Ruling Element: Air.
* Dominant Keywords: "I think, therefore I am."
* Magical Birthstone: Moss agate, the multicolored semiprecious stone that is thought to protect from deception and falsehood and to bestow eloquence (especially in declarations of love).
* Special Flowers: Lily of the valley, rose and lavender.
* Special Colors: Bright yellow (the color of novelty).
* Lucky Numbers: Five and nine.
* Lucky Day: Wednesday.
* Anatomical Parts of the Body Ruled by Gemini: Hands, arms, shoulders and lungs.
=
GEMINI was the second human spaceflight program in NASA's heyday. It flourished between the Mercury and Apollo programs, proudly boasting twelve missions in all, only ten manned (toll: four loyal guys died).

The aim of its launch was to troubleshoot techniques for advanced space travel, ideally to finalize all the minutiae necessary to meet every challenge of the Apollo mission, in order to set a mortal man in glory on the vastly rocky Moon.

In summary, results included the first American spacewalk and artful orbital and maneuvering systems. Unlike Mercury, a Gemini ship could alter its orbit position to dock tidily with the Agena Target Vehicle, which contained a rocket engine suitable for more orbit mobility.

Addendum: Mission accomplished!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Your Daily Horoscope

You may feel like your life is like crossing the vast and barren desert at the moment.
But fortunately, today will be your oasis. Take advantage of it while it lasts!

=

I've been in a dry town area for years, so it's actually no surprise.
I'd cut off the sham site with one keystroke, but yesterday it urged me
to look alive, stay loyal, and that I'm a gullible fool!

Ellie Dent with:
THE AUSTRALIAN GRASSHOPPER

When travelling in Australia, a naturalist saw a kangaroo, and flung a stone at it. Immediately, and with mighty bounds, the kangaroo jumped far, far away and vanished below the horizon.

Later the naturalist said to his native guide: "You have very wide meadows here, I expect?" "No, not really, roughly about the same as England, Canada and America."

After another long silence, the naturalist remarked: "The hay we will buy for our horses - I'll expect to find the stalks uncommonly long. Am I right?" "No," replied the guide, "not particularly. Why do you ask?" The naturalist made no comment at the time.

But later, as they journeyed on without talking through that vast, lone land, he said, "I was thinking of the uncommon magnitude of that grasshopper."

=

UNDERSTANDING A MARSUPIAL RITUAL

This Australian kangaroo repeatedly escaped his enclosure at a rural small-town zoo. Knowing how high he could jump, naturally his harassed keepers duly put up a ten-foot tall fence. However, next morning our friend the wily kangaroo had got away again.

They tried installing an alternative one, massively heavy, and around twenty-feet tall. But to no avail. Next morning the men saw that devilish animal, as always, had triumphed again and got away.

Irritated and a bit frustrated, the keepers built a third, a really mammoth, thirty-foot high fence. A camel in an adjoining enclosure said to the roo, "How much higher do you think that they might go now?"

"S'truth... about a thousand feet. Unless someone remembers to lock that gate."

Dharam Khalsa with:
Three Rings for the Elven-Kings under the sky


View with:
Five Jews change the way we see the world:
Moses : 'The law is everything'
Jesus: 'Love is everything'
Marx: 'Money is everything'
Freud: 'Sex is everything'
Einstein: 'Everything is relative'

=

Hey, WE CAN DO IT just with five fingers - master everything, evolve everything, ruin everything , lose everything,
answer to his 'Hi!', raise, weave, set, dye, mime, hew, jingle...sexless sex! Yes!


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
On Shakespeare


2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Keats' "When I Have Fears That I May Cease To Be"


3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
You have to be confirmed old-fogyish enough to remember Abbott and Costello's witty comical routines, too crotchety to understand computers, and juvenile enough to appreciate this farcical spoof. For those of us who become stymied by bleeping computers, scroll down...

If comics Abbott and Costello were alive today, they might have modified their famed wry sketch, "Who's on First?" sort of like this:

COSTELLO'S ON LINE TWO

(Costello calls to buy a computer from salesman Abbott)

ABBOTT (cheery): Super Duper computer store. May I help you?

COSTELLO (dignified): Why yes, thank you. I'm setting up an office in my house and I'm thinking about buying a new computer.

ABBOTT: You're welcome. Mac?

COSTELLO: No, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer yet. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: Hey, I told you, I'm Lou!

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get too stuffy?

ABBOTT: Anyway, do you want a computer with Windows, McAfee?

COSTELLO: I don't know. By the way, I'm still Lou! What do I see when I check the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Wow, never mind the windows. I want a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO (agitatedly): No! For my gosh-darn computer! I need it to type proposals, track expenses, run my Chevy franchise. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You just recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO (weary): For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.
~
COSTELLO: What did you just recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows, and I'm almost ready to jump out! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a business proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: You would need Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office!

ABBOTT: Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click over the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO: Absurd! Sir, I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start giving me some straight answers! Let's just suppose I'm a used car salesman. Then, what about finance and bookkeeping, and all that? Do you have anything to help me track my money?

ABBOTT: Sure...Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: Yep, it comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with the computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. A real plus, at no extra charge!

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: Just one copy.

COSTELLO: Say, isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us our own license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later...)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. How may I help you?

COSTELLO: I'm embarrassed, but how do I turn this useless computer off?

ABBOTT : Click on 'START'...

(The End)


Tony Crafter with:
The Day Before You Came


Adie Pena with:
A Poem For Peace


Dharam Khalsa with:
Therefore, my Harry


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
A lonely widow =
A wooden willy.

2nd - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Cybernetic phallus =
Technically superb.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
A thick, erect penis =
I penetrate chicks!

SpursKevin with:
Commando style =
Commonest lady.

Adie Pena with:
Elizabeth Taylor's seventh marriage =
Shortly meet rather sizeable vagina!

Tony Crafter with:
The castrated man =
Rats! A detachment!

View with:
The penis enhancement pills =
Amplest help! Nine-ten inches!

Adie Pena with:
The paederasts =
Deep ass threat.


The Anagrammy Awards