DECEMBER 2009 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2009

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
You can't teach an old dog new tricks. =
Work on educating old cats. They can!

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Scientific data =
I indicate facts.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
The Christmas Season =
Smash that recession.

View with:
The dormitory ~
roomed thirty.

Tony Crafter with:
The nasolacrimal ducts =
It's 'tear-canals', old chum!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Learning disability ~
brings initial delay.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Can I cite it for ~
certification?

David Bourke with:
Late lambs =
Meatballs.

Rosie Perera with:
Glioblastoma cancer =
Brain cells got a coma.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The bread lines and soup kitchens ~
held but a snack in the Depression

Rosie Perera with:
To "drink the Kool-Aid" =
Think rot like a dodo.

Rosie Perera with:
A famous atheist
To assume a faith.

Tom Myers with:
A breach/violation is ~
anti-social behavior

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A double entendre ~
enabled rude tone.

Adie Pena with:
Met our PC? =
Computer.

Ellie Dent with:
War deaths =
Saw hatred.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Computational theories of the mind ~
telepathised 'too much information.'

Ellie Dent with:
A winter storm =
It's not warmer.

Adie Pena with:
Sweater's on in ~
winter season.

Adie Pena with:
The crew loathed ~
the cold weather.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Diagnostic procedure =
A doctor used piercing

Rick Rothstein with:
Airport security measures =
I may pursue terrorist case.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
The novella "A Christmas Carol," by Charles Dickens =
A rather classic book enchants every small child.

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" =
Road rage murdering bony veteran.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Rodgers and Hammerstein's "The Sound of Music" =
Hundreds of us recommend Maria's hit song set.

View with:
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra =
I made clever adventure sagas.

Scott Gardner with:
"Still Life with Anemones" by Claude Oscar Monet =
Man, flowers in collection had timeless beauty!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Mel Brooks' hilarious movie, "The Young Frankenstein" =
No sir, nothing elevates Mary's fine book like humour!

Adie Pena with:
Irving Berlin's "White Christmas" =
Silver winter charm is Bing's hit!

Ellie Dent with:
'Sound of Music: The Lonely Goatherd' lyrics =
Thus increasingly loud yodel comes forth!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
B(l)ond(e)s have more fun =
Mr. Double-Oh-Seven fan.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Charles Dickens' tale, "A Christmas Carol =
Salesclerk Cratchit and his moral case.

Ellie Dent with:
"God Bless us, everyone!" Dickens's 'Tim Cratchit' =
Strategic move: boss sends child nice turkey.

Adie Pena with:
Bold "Glee" song: ~
"Golden Globes!"

View with:
Giuseppe Fortunino Francesco Verdi ~
is producer of festive, cunning opera.

Adie Pena with:
The fairy tale "Little Red Riding Hood" =
A dire teethy liar didn't fool the girl.

Scott Gardner with:
Clement Moore's "A Visit from St. Nicholas" =
Frost is moonlit one calm Christmas Eve.

Tony Crafter with:
Susan Boyle's debut album, 'I Dreamed A Dream'. =
Sad suburban melodies led by a mature dame.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens =
Shades call, scorn miser, back charity

Ellie Dent with:
'It Came Upon the Midnight Clear' =
A hot mince pie, and much glitter.

View with:
Bruce Springsteen, alias 'The Boss' =
A superb singer. Best hits so clean!!

Meyran Kraus with:
Michael Bay's movie "Transformers" =
Film many massive car-robots here!


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - View with:
The Climate Talks =
Task: Halt ice melt!

2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
The gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh =
Three Kings offer damn fancy things, Lord!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Dickens: 'A Christmas Carol' =
Saccharin... like most cards.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Obama on surge: "I do not make this decision lightly" =
Good enough consideration by him; still a mistake.

Rosie Perera with:
Obama announces Afghanistan strategy =
US can bet on an agony in saga's aftermath.

Tom Myers with:
The Tiger Woods' affair =
Is a wife hard to forget?

Dharam Khalsa with:
I think I heard that Tiger Woods has changed his name =
Righto! He hid a tit-kissing drama, and he's now 'Cheetah'.

David Bourke with:
The American golfer Tiger Woods =
Sore todger...wife locating harem!

View with:
Should the Palestinians Negotiate with Israel? =
Ha, will this help to ease sustained integration?

Dharam Khalsa with:
United Nations Climate Change Conference =
Meet and connect on thin unsafe glacier ice.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Tiger Woods' forehand =
Wrong side of the road!

Rick Rothstein with:
Iran's nuclear program =
Pure rancor's alarming.

Adie Pena with:
Bin Laden's capture vital for Afghanistan =
Fact: U.S. plans are for invading the Taliban!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Golfer Tiger Woods =
To go for Swede girl

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Golfer Tiger Woods =
To forgo Swede girl

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Golfer Tiger Woods ~
forgets wooed girl.

Rosie Perera with:
The Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi =
Vicious little Milan-bearer hits 'im in nose. Rip!

Tony Crafter with:
The Xmas compilations =
A topical month's mixes.

Rosie Perera with:
Male pseudohermaphrodites in Gaza =
Him/her ado amazed Palestine groups.

View with:
U.S. says nuclear agreement is near =
Uncle Sam regenerates Russia? Nay!

Tom Myers with:
Brittany A. Murphy dies =
It's a damn pity. Bury her.

Adrian Hickford with:
A stocking filler =
All gifts, I reckon...

Rosie Perera with:
A Christmas stocking hung by the fire =
Rise, check if Santa brought my things.

Larry Brash with:
The Conference on Global Climate Change, Copenhagen =
Can one complete chance be gone of challenging Earth?

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
How The Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss =
The classic Who myth brought sin's redress.

Mobius Ray with:
"Walking in a Winter Wonderland" (Southern Hemisphere) =
No knitwear worn here! Sun, perishing heat will madden!

Tony Crafter with:
All Eurostar train services are suspended. =
A crisis! European travellers stranded. Sue!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Truth: Most purchase in ~
the run-up to Christmas.

Adie Pena with:
Kissing under the mistletoe at Christmas =
Strangers I met like this handiest custom!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men =
Then replace dialog: women too!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
The best New Years Eve ad =
"We have seen better days..."

Rosie Perera with:
The "Christmas Underwear Bomber" =
Abhorrent secret warmed his bum.

Mey K. with:
An American soldier in Afghanistan =
I march east in an Asian foreign land.


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sir Patrick Hewes Stewart =
It's a Star Trek ship we crew.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The professional US golfer Tiger Woods =
A need for trollops?! This wife's gorgeous!

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Sir Patrick Stewart =
A crisp 'Star Trek' wit.

View with:
Drogba =
Bad.org

View with:
General McChrystal =
Calmly stern charge.

Tom Myers with:
Tiger Woods ~
got so weird.

David Bourke with:
The American golfer Eldrick Tont 'Tiger' Woods =
Tactic worked: Targeted hole-in-one from girls!

Larry Brash with:
Premier of New South Wales ~
otherwise means powerful.

Adie Pena with:
Golfer Tiger Woods =
Wedge for girls, too!

Tony Crafter with:
Civil loon bruises ~
Silvio Berlusconi.

Larry Brash with:
Golfer Tiger Woods =
Two girls? Free? Good!

Rosie Perera with:
Elin Nordegren Woods =
Drone one word: single.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sister Mary Helen MacKillop =
Let holy miracles spark in me.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra ~
graces mediaeval adventures

Dharam Khalsa with:
The former president George W. Bush =
No regrets, but high from weed spree?

Meyran Kraus with:
Obama, the newly elected president of the US =
The Peace Nobel title's defamed? Not sure why.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Himalayan Mount Everest =
A summit nearly to Heaven.

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Empire State Building =
I'd be an upright steel item

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Reader's Digest ~
is dead. Regrets.

View with:
The Trans-Siberian Railroad =
Trains, bear in this area, Lord.

Rosie Perera with:
West Point Military Academy =
Army's typical men wait to die.

Larry Brash with:
Mogadishu, the capital of Somalia =
O, too mad a place. Faith is Islam. Ugh!

Adie Pena with:
See urban tango arise in ~
Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Adrian Hickford with:
Shakespeare's Globe Theatre =
The bespoke rehearsal stage.

View with:
Iraqis' fuel dwelt on ~
West Qurna oilfield.

Tony Crafter with:
The Campaign for Homosexual Equality =
Gay humans all meet for a Quixotic hope.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Transportation Security Administration =
Terrorism and nasty tourist anticipation.

Meyran Kraus with:
The annual Perseids meteor showers =
Astronomers heed this new pleasure.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
One foggy evening, the celebrated Victorian Author, Charles Dickens walks into this city bar and orders a Martini. =
The bartender, Abel, a funny character, remarks: "Ah, good evening! I can get this: an icy cold drink. So, is it olive or twist?"

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The fiftieth anniversary of Rodgers and Hammerstein's "The Sound of Music" ~
means "Do-Re-Mi," "My Favorite Things," other stuff sound fresh and are nice hits.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
United Nations Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen =
Announcing one nice chance to mend planet's ice-heat grief.

Rosie Perera with:
White House party crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi =
Later he masquerades as the rich chap in a reality show.

Tony Crafter with:
Re: Walt Disney's cartoon feature film 'Beauty and the Beast' =
Fantasy story of Belle (A wit renamed as 'Cutie and the Brute'!)

Dharam Khalsa with:
Hey, more women are claiming affairs with Tiger Woods =
Crowd's awaiting memoir from fairway, "Eighteen Holes".

Rosie Perera with:
"Adopt a cute pet...and have fun with your friends! Play Pet Society today! Play now on Facebook." =
This ad popped up today. No way! I flat out do not ever want a cheesy fake cat or life-copy bunny.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Facebook helps you connect and share with the people in your life." =
You feel alone? Be open with neurotic and psychopathic folks here!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
I promise to do my best to love God and my country, to help other people every day, especially those at home =
Oy vey! Line one hopes the lady that pays heed to properly develop to be a Girl Scout does commit to memory.


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"In your opinion, what were the best three things that happened in the first decade of the millennium?" =
-"The Miracle on the Hudson".
-The writer Tina Fey imitating Palin.
-The end of president Bush; the new hope.

2nd - Larry Brash with:
"In your opinion, what were the best three things that happened in the first decade of the millennium?"
=
1. The end of that idiot Bush.(My top one)
2. The new American president's input.
3. The real winner: The High Life.

3rd - View with:
"In your opinion, what were the best three things that happened in the first decade of the millennium?"
=
1. Three Olympiads
2. Obama - first non-white in the White House
3. The Internet - perfect united helping hand.

Rosie Perera with:
1) I found the Anagrammy website! (Oh help!)
2) The nation elected this new thin president.
3) Further hope in it.

Adie Pena with:
One: (Hint! Hint!) American people indignant.
Two: Fry the dim President!
Three: A Bush left the White House.

Dharam Khalsa with:
1 When the hope seen shining in then fearful, bitter America helped a new honesty triumph.
2. Ditto.
3. Ditto.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
That Tiger in Mac OS Ten, epiphany in the White House, the tennis that held up for Federer in Wimbledon

Tony Crafter with:
No harm! The New Year obliteration didn't happen!
'The fiend' left the White House.
Triumphs in genetics.

Dharam Khalsa with:
With:
1. The ruined economy;
2. Lengthened war efforts;
3. The Earth in pain;
Listen up - I hope that it's behind me!

Adie Pena with:
The behemoth champ Tiger Woods' --
1. Fine putts
2. International wins he earned
3. THE infidelity (Huh? Repent!)

View with:
Thin hint, then - the dilettante fiend President G.Bush left White House. Ire? America happy now!..No more.

Larry Brash with:
1. Final hope the IRA diminished.
2. The USA elect in a new president.
3. Growth of the internet, up by the month.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Best:
1. Faith
2. The "Hope" idea
3. Then, the new President

Worst:
1. Unemployment
2. High inflation
3. Hurricane tide

Adie Pena with:
1. The shiny winner Michael Phelps
2. The with-it President Obama
3. The ended union of the fortunate Tiger

Tony Crafter with:
Huh? No 'best thing' happened in the unmerry decade of the Twin Towers inferno. It's a hell-pit. Me? I hate it.

Ellie Dent with:
Now unified.
Hope then lifts other men.
The end: Peace on Earth.
(But hey, I whisper... I dreamt it last night.)

David Bourke with:
Tony Blair - the preening ended!
Paris Hilton taped!
The...umm...the first non-white face in The White House!

David Bourke with:
Why then, the feminine, the both pneumatic *and* intelligent, profound Rosie Perera...that's it! (He wished!)

Dharam Khalsa with:
1. It opened with Bush f----- American people;
2. Then enemy, hate, torture
3. And it ends with Tiger f------ his ninth hole.

Mobius Ray with:
The start - wasn't fiery omen finish.
The middle - cleaner air (in the pub).
The end - whoopee it up on the night!

Christopher Sturdy with:
The iPhone, though I did not purchase it;
I ran thirteen miles 'n' panted;
Mey flew here to be with net fans.

Paul Pan with:
1. Thin Wi-Fi phones handle YouTube fine!
2. E-pirates totter the CD; iPod's the winner!
3. The Lehman nightmare.

Dharam Khalsa with:
In that epoch:
1. Unfit, I parented two teens.
2. Inept, I held the first grandson in awe.
3. Hey, I'm the humble hero!

Dharam Khalsa with:
I entitle it the 'Uh-Oh' era:
1. A brat left the posh White House.
2. Spending trend trimmed.
3. New 'Hope' (in infancy).

Adie Pena with:
1. Tony Blair is finished.
2. Then out goes "W." Triumph! Hail to the NEW Chief!
3. Three-D entertainment happened.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Here on the Internet:
- That YouTube wit (hee-haw!)
- On-line friends, and the term "chat".
- Simplified shopping.


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
WOULD YOU REMARRY?

A husband and his wife are settled in bed reading, when the wife glances over at him and asks him the eternal question....

WIFE: "Pete; what would you do if I were to die? Would you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "What? Absolutely not, Cathy!"

WIFE: "How come? Don't you enjoy being married?"

HUSBAND: "Well... yes. Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "

HUSBAND: "Sheesh! Well... all right, yes, maybe I would then."

WIFE: "You would?" (with hurt expression).

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in this house?"

HUSBAND: "Well, yes, I suppose so; it's a great house."
~
WIFE: "Would you sleep in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Maybe - it is nearly new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my photos with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like a natural thing to do... ooh, this is quite an interrogation!"

WIFE: "Yeah. Sorry. I am an idiot! But... would you give her my rare jewelry too?"

HUSBAND: "No, I am sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: "Yes, they are always extra-good times."

WIFE: "And would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "Shit."


2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Bottle of Wine

A woman and a man are involved in a sudden spin accident on a cold snowy morning. It's a bad one, for both of their cars are totally
demolished, but neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of the wreck, the man is discernibly muttering about "All you woman drivers!"

The woman responds, "Yes, I'm a woman - so what!? Just look at the cars! There's nothing left, but we're not hurt. Perhaps it's a sign
from the benevolent Lord that we should make peace and live as friends, beautifying the rest of our days."

The man blushes, "Oh, I agree completely - it must be a sign from God!

=

But it's still your error...a birdbrain woman should NEVER be allowed to drive!"

The woman says, "Mercy! Look at this - a miracle! My car is completely demolished, but a bottle of fine burgundy wine survived. Surely
God wants us to share this red wine and celebrate our good fortune."

She offers the wine to the gruff man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and scarfs half the bottle, and offers it back to
the woman. The woman reclaims the bottle, puts the cap on, and hands it to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No, I'm just going to wait for the police..."

3rd - Adie Pena with:
On the 12th day of Christmas


Dharam Khalsa with:
The Successes in Life

At the very young age of four, success is...not piddling in your pants.
At age sixteen, success is...having a driver's license.
At age seventeen, success is...having many friends.
At age thirty-five, success is...having money.
~
At age sixty-five, success is...having money.
At age seventy-four, success is...having coherent chums.
At age seventy-nine, success is...still having a drivers license.
At age eighty-four, friends, success is defined as...not peeing in your pants.

Rosie Perera with:
Seen on the Internet: "Sarah Palin is the only honest, experienced, and real politician left in America. Everything she says is brilliant and wise and conservative and perfect. She is a genius and a saint. And anyone who disagrees is a dirty socialist who hates America."=
What?! That is either an extra clever parody or some insane person (her?) really believes it. Anyway -- the thing is, in some cases the Right's asinine view (disdaining education an' teachin' as a needless hindrance in a sincere national candidate's plans) is a parody of itself.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Quote from employee motivator Mac Anderson:
"Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise,
risking more than others think is safe,
dreaming more than others think is practical
and expecting more than others think is possible."

=

Most people agree that exercise is harder than all the other common tasks.
Its aim requires commitment and persistence, like sixty minutes, or even more,
thrashing in a pool's chlorination doing the backstroke...thinking of French fries!
Now thrash!!

Dharam Khalsa with:
My advice for the New Year's weekend: If you have a lot to drink or get tension headaches, follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle:
~
"Take two, best with food", then a release: "No alcohol or other drugs; discontinue in the event of any sensitivity; keep away from children."


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY


1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Tiger - William Blake


2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet for Christmas


3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Dear Granddaughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian bookstore and saw a 'Honk If You Love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I'd just come from a really rousing choir performance, followed by the most memorable prayer meeting. So, I bought a sticker and put it on my bumper.

Mamma mia! Am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience followed next!

I was stopped at a red light at this busy intersection, momentarily lost in thought about the Lord and how great He is, and didn't see that the lights had changed.

It's a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if that man hadn't honked, I wouldn't have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the man behind started honking like crazy, and then leant out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God, woman, go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida amongst them all because I heard him yell something about a sunny beach. I saw another man waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my grandson (your cousin Norman) in the back seat what that meant. Norman said it was probably some Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the sign right back!

Norman burst out laughing. Yes, even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the glory of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I went to, but that's when I saw the lights had changed. So I waved at all my brothers and sisters and, grinning, drove on across the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car to get through the intersection before the lights changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we'd shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove off.

Praise our Lord for such wonderful folks!

Will write again soon,

Love from,
Grandmomma.

=

IDIOTS? NO; MEN ARE JUST JOLLIER!

IDIOTIC NICKNAMES
If Viv, Kathy and Vicki go out for lunch, they will call each other Viv, Kathy and Vicki.

If Dick, David and John go out, they will jokily refer to each other as, Earwigo, Coyotebreath and Testicle.

EATING OUT/DIVIDING
When the bill arrives, Dick, David and John will readily throw in twenty dollars each, even though it is only for thirty-three dollars eighty. None of them will have anything smaller and will avoid admitting they want change back.

When the girls receive their bill, out come the pocket calculators and it is divided exactly.

MONEY
A man will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item that he needs.

A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she does not need but it's on sale.

BATHROOM IDEOLOGY
A man has six things in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving gel, a good razor, soap, and a towel.

The number of things in the average woman's bathroom is about three hundred and thirty-eight. A guy would not be able to identify more than twenty of these.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is adjudged to be the start of a new argument.

THE FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

GETTING MARRIED
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he does not.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will get dressed up to go shopping, give the plants a watering, empty the trash, cook, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A guy will get dressed up for weddings and funerals.

LOOKING GOOD OVERNIGHT
Men wake up looking just as good as when they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

CHILDREN
Ah, the joy of children! A woman is dedicated to, and knows all about, her children. She knows about their dentist appointments, romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears, hopes, ideas and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

FAULTFINDING - THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There is no use in two people remembering the same thing!


Ellie Dent with:
Quote by Aldo Leopold


Dharam Khalsa with:
On the 12th day of Christmas


Adie Pena with:
I heard the bells on Christmas Day


Adie Pena with:
HOW TO SURVIVE THE CHRISTMAS HANGOVER

6 out of 10 luckless workers who report to the office after Christmas spend an average of 1 to 2 hours just "staring into space."

Skull throbs? Fucked off? Here's how to troubleshoot the torturous hurt:

1. DRINK WATER: As you're a sick dehydrated puppy, tubfuls before bed and when you wake up help. Fruit juice, too, replaces the vitamins lost; the sucrose content in the juice will help revivify energy levels.

2. DEVOUR THE FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST: Just the sheer number of calories gives one the much-needed kick. Eggs and fatty meat are quite stuffed with the amino acid cysteine, which could be good at clearing out toxins.

3. TAKE ONE RAW EGG: An effective cure because of the protein and antioxidant content [BUT just doubles the nausea for quite a few]. Check this cocktail out: "The Virgin Fogcutter"

1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 drop Tabasco
1 raw egg
1 teaspoon lemon juice
Salt and pepper to taste

Mix together, pour concoction and drink.

4. GOT "HAIR OF THE DOG"?: Sufferers vouch that a Bloody Mary or a pint of effervescent beer the morning after works. [TRUE? Tut, tut, tut! TRUTH: While absorbing another alcoholic drink could quite fix a hangover, this is just a temporary effect and is only postponing the misery.]

=

A RECIPE FOR JOSE CUERVO CHRISTMAS COOKIES

1 cup of water
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still okay, try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the fruit off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeeeves a sheeeet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or sumthin'.

Whatever you can find.

Greeeash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher...

CHERRY MISTMAS!


Meyran Kraus with:
We Are The World


THE RUDE CATEGORY

eq1st - Adie Pena with:
It's in cold winter weather ~
erections wilt and wither.

eq1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
An utter poser I knew... =
Pretentious wanker!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Anguish of external haemorrhoids =
A sore horde hung from his anal-exit!

Rick Rothstein with:
A loveless marriage =
Reveal orgasm's a lie.

Rick Rothstein with:
Her bathing suit =
Bearing tits, huh?

View with:
The loud orgasm =
Hm, a good result!

Adie Pena with:
Tiger's wood? =
It does grow!

Meyran Kraus with:
The American golfer Tiger Woods =
Get gonorrhea from ladies... twice!


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