Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2010


1st - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Triple chocolate square =
Atherosclerotic plaque.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Rain, sleet, snow =
A winter, no less!

3rd - Tom Myers with:
Computer malware =
Worm alert came up.

Christopher Sturdy with:
A controlled substance =
Collect, snort and abuse.

Tony Crafter with:
Hint: Hunk on a nag. It is Mr. Right! =
That knight in shining armour.

Adie Pena with:
"'Til death do us part" =
That odd rule is apt!

View with:
Crocodile ~
cried. Cool!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Fire and Gas =
Danger? As if!

Adie Pena with:
The Four Seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter =
Lush green, warm sun, life stops ... and frost remain.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The four seasons: spring, summer, autumn, winter =
Tree: Sap gum ran; sun shone; fruit sown; I rest, mum.

Rosie Perera with:
Cocaine and mud =
An induced coma.

View with:
Cruelty to animals =
Normally, it's acute.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The definition of religious fundamentalism =
If guidelines are emotions, not mindful faith.

Rick Rothstein with:
Religious fundamentalism =
Loud arguments in families.

Tom Myers with:
Sartorial splendor ~
plans tailor's order.

Paul Pan with:
Glory hole =
Hello, orgy!

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Sting grenade =
Gets in danger!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Manhattanite fortune cookie ~
in the foam take-out container.

Rosie Perera with:
Disappointed =
Sad, I end it. Pop!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The compulsive liar =
Me? I shall cover it up!

Rosie Perera with:
Sponsors a child =
Donor slips cash.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Our solar system may have millions of "twins" =
So, we humans may aim to visit less forlornly.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Industrial espionage =
Idea stealing ruins op

Larry Brash with:
Viewer discretion is advised =
Vivid cases? Indeed, it worries.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Hours scarce? =
Crash course.

Andrew Brehaut with:
A Scottish lake =
Stake it's a loch.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A consignment store =
Not-so-nice garments.

Tom Myers with:
It is time to panic now =
No, we ain't optimistic.

Christopher Sturdy with:
She is "making love" =
He's "smoking alive"

Meyran Kraus with:
A wild Sumatran tiger =
Murder? Law against it!

Meyran Kraus with:
The professional rodeo ring =
Single rider on top of a horse.


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Director James Cameron =
Set major cinema record.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet: 'Impression Sunrise (Soleil Levant)' =
Men could see its promise in natural loveliness.

eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Leno and O'Brien fiasco =
NBC retained a foolish one!

eq3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Best actor in a leading role =
I get billed to earn an Oscar

Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet's "Snow at Argenteuil" =
Gentleman was out in austere cold.

Tony Crafter with:
'It's Complicated' =
It compiled cast.

Adie Pena with:
The movies of Fellini =
O, I love the fine films!

Adie Pena with:
Watching Leno bit on air, then ~
"Late Night with Conan O'Brien."

Andrew Brehaut with:
Author Jodi Picoult: "My Sister's Keeper" =
I typed "Justice stops leukemia horror"

View with:
The Old Man and the Sea =
Honest hand-made tale.

Rosie Perera with:
The Soup Nazi from "Seinfeld" =
Zealot of hip friends' menus.

David Bourke with:
The jazz guitarist/singer George Benson =
The Ibanez nigger just triggers a snooze!

Tony Crafter with:
The Golden Globe Awards Ceremony, California. =
Celebrities all come. Why? For a gong and a drone!

Adie Pena with:
Cameron's "Avatar" in Three-D =
Screen a hotter Na'vi drama!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Director James Cameron's blockbuster film "Avatar" =
Fond critic: "Remarkable! Master cast! Marvelous job!"

Adie Pena with:
Avatar is the top-grossing motion picture ever =
Pure hit proves Cameron's at it; got great vision!

Tom Myers with:
St. Trinian's =
Tarts in sin.

Adie Pena with:
The American Idol song "Pants on the Ground" =
So I condemn a horrendous thing -- a Gen. Platt!


1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
We fear more plane blast alerts in the year 2010 =
Are we really a lot safer than in September 2001?

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Haitian disaster =
I hear that aid is sent.

3rd - Paul Pan with:
Holiday Inn offers a trial human bed-warming service =
A trim Rumanian blonde was fired for having icy heels.

Rick Rothstein with:
Ian Stafford, resigns as the Mayor of Preesall =
He stole panties off ordinary farm gals' arses.

Dan Fortier with:
Burj Dubai is so tall! =
Arab oil just builds.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"The Magnificent Mile" in Chicago, Illinois =
Ice limiting the social life on N. Michigan.

Adie Pena with:
Christmas Day, a Northwest Airlines plane to Detroit =
That incident was a remote terrorist's holiday plans!

Tony Crafter with:
Topless Tiger ~
lost prestige.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Africa Cup of Nations =
A pitch unsafe for action?

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The No-Pants Subway Ride =
Why one's butt parades in.

Adie Pena with:
Sarah Palin, a TV news commentator? =
That woman's crap is a normal event!

David Bourke with:
Labour's General Election strategy =
Obscenely larger State regulation.

Adie Pena with:
Global warming and climate change issues =
Al Gore succeeds again whilst blaming man.

David Bourke with:
A compulsive Labour liar =
Our saviour Ali Campbell.

Meyran Kraus with:
Devastating Haiti earthquake =
Ravaged, it has taken quite a hit.

Meyran Kraus with:
The Haiti disaster =
It hit...a tear is shed.

Rosie Perera with:
Panic erupted at this nation over ~
the devastation in Port-au-Prince.

Adie Pena with:
Port Au Prince, Haiti =
Caution: A ripper hit!

Dharam Khalsa with:
We must provide assistance for Port-au-Prince, Haiti =
Racist Rush or fanatic Pat deprive emotions - wise up!

Meyran Kraus with:
A tragedy in Haiti =
It hit a dying area.

Adie Pena with:
A "Mr Gay China" is cancelled by police =
Chic and campy nice boys are illegal!

Dharam Khalsa with:
This Monday is Martin Luther King Jr's birthday =
Just a kindly man's tiny dream, or his birthright?

Rosie Perera with:
I offer charity to serve ~
Haiti recovery efforts.

Rosie Perera with:
Humanitarian aid =
Haiti in a U.N. drama.

Adie Pena with:
Japan Airlines files for bankruptcy =
In brief, planes lack January profits?

David Bourke with:
Holiday Inn offers a trial human bed-warming service =
Warning: Hilton favour a dynamic heiress, filmed bare.

David Bourke with:
Holiday Inn offers a trial human bed-warming service =
Lovely weather for finding a Russian chambermaid in!

Rosie Perera with:
The earthquake relief fundraiser =
Ah, requires I undertake the raffle.

David Bourke with:
The New Labour party are finished =
Brown the pariah in defeat, surely.

Rosie Perera with:
Britain has emerged from the recession? =
Here be some error in HMG stats, I fancied.

Adie Pena with:
Britain has emerged from the recession? =
She's free! No more debts in America, right?

Ellie Dent with:
Today, Wednesday, is the Holocaust Memorial Day =
May say I recall the way thousands doomed to die.

View with:
New Michael Jackson doll to be launched =
Lean model Jacko child can blow tunes, eh?

Tom Myers with:
Obama's State of the Union =
To Senate: "I am not 'Oaf' Bush"

Tom Myers with:
Economic stimulus =
Locus: communities.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Susan Boyle comes home to find an intruder =
Bonus inside house - model man Tony Crafter!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Defiant Mr. T Blair attends the Chilcot Inquiry =
"Truth behind Iraq conflict - namely, I started it!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
President Obama's first State of the Union address:=
1. Transition, as effort.
2. Business matters.
3. Added hope.

Rosie Perera with:
The mystery grows: What's in Salinger's safe? =
Gee...last writings, worthy freshman essays?

Rosie Perera with:
Susan Boyle comes home to find an intruder =
It's no handsome lusty beau come for dinner!

Meyran Kraus with:
Apple's presentation of its device, the iPad =
People react as if this event disappointed.


1st - Rosie Perera with:
Conan Christopher O'Brien =
Top honor in his NBC career.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Hosts Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien =
So, only one can earn this job.

3rd - View with:
The Italian sculptor Nicola Pisano =
I can cut, tailor, polish a plain stone.

View with:
Ian Stafford =
Fad for satin.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The world-famous film director Federico Fellini =
Filled with cool frenetic, if lurid, dreams of Rome.

Adie Pena with:
Captain Chesley B. Sullenberger III =
Celebrity ace rules in his big plane!

Adie Pena with:
Achille-Claude Debussy =
As he'll succeed audibly!

Tony Crafter with:
The Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood. =
Thin old artiste's worn-out? Or going senile!

Adie Pena with:
Salvador Domingo Felipe Jacinto Dali i Domenech =
He'll conceive major mad idea of odd oil paintings!

David Bourke with:
The Right Honourable Peter David Robinson =
To provide Northern Ireland babies, though?

View with:
©­Ivo Josipovic, ©­Croatia's new President =
Decisive win jars a covert opposition.

Paul Pan with:
Miley Cyrus =
Yes, I'm curly.

Paul Pan with:
Lady Gaga =
A glad gay.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Brigadier General Sekouba Konate =
As token leader, I grab broke Guinea.

Rosie Perera with:
Wyclef Jean =
Fancy jewel.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Rene Preval =
Never paler.

Christopher Sturdy with:
President of Haiti, Rene Preval =
Inspire life or prevent a death.

Adie Pena with:
Raynella Dossett Leath ~
sent all to early deaths?

Dharam Khalsa with:
American author J.D. Salinger ~
had giant journalism career.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Rolling Stones' guitarist Keith Richards =
A drunk sees the light, or tilting at cirrhosis?

Christopher Sturdy with:
William Hugh Tunstall-Pedoe =
I am so well hung that I pulled


1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
McDonalds Restaurant chain =
Standard lunch to Americans.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco =
That aging design on reinforced cables.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Gustave's Eiffel Tower (Paris, France) ~
offers rapt guests a fine, clear view!

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Afro-Americans ‡
Fear no racism hate.

View with:
The Guantanamo Bay prison =
Bash any poor, gaunt inmate!

Don Fortier with:
Its name today is Burj Khalifa =
A flair jams into the Dubai sky.

Paul Pan with:
Port-Au-Prince =
Crap, eruption!

Tony Crafter with:
The Black Hole of Calcutta =
Bleak hutch. Cell too. A fact.

Rosie Perera with:
Prone to bet? One link: ~

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Jacksonville International Airport =
Atlantic jetliners phone in to OK arrival

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Republic of Haiti =
I hit a relief botch-up.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Belgian chocolate =
The global cocaine.

Andrew Brehaut with:
French are into sun ~
in southern France.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The artists picked ~
the Peaks District.

Adrian Hickford with:
The Crown Prosecution Service =
Here we press court conviction.

Adie Pena with:
Apple iPad's ~
appeal dips?

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Dorland's Medical Dictionary =
Doctor claims,"And I hardly need it!"

Meyran Kraus with:
The new computer named "iPad" =
Deem "iTampon" a wretched pun!


1st - David Bourke with:
Obese passengers to be charged double to fly with Air France =
Sarah Ferguson got considerably clobbered with a steep fee!

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
This gent entered a bar and sat by this woman, huddled up, with this tatty mutt beside her. He said, "Your dog... does it bite?"
"Dean? No." =
He patted it, but it snarled and bit him. He said, " But you said your dog doesn't bite!" She answered, "He don't. That, there, isn't my dawg."

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
His Highness, John 'celebrity pilot' Travolta went west unto Haiti to try feeding those poor dying sods... =
...and it is for what purpose? The very last thing they need right now is to join the bloody Scientologists!

Tony Crafter with:
(The notice board sign) 'COME TO CH**RCH! WHAT'S MISSING? UR!' =
Church's criticism bemoaning these rats who don't go!

Adie Pena with:
Senator Biden: "(He's) the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy." =
Barack Hussein Obama II is a great man; a cinch to win -- and it's gratefully arranged that I am then conferred "Second in Line."

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ah, should rain favour our faith, dry the foe's crops, or indeed fall evenly on ~
the sacred or profane, faithful or infidel, saved or unsaved, holy or unholy?

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"It's wonderful to be part of a place that so values fair and balanced news" =
Palin's pat words celebrated future of a load of bias at a TV news channel.

Paul Pan with:
Pat Robertson says Haiti paying for 'pact to the devil' =
Live proof that preacher's nasty. Pity. I bid, go to Satan!

Adie Pena with:
The film, James Cameron's "Avatar," earns a billion dollars =
A brilliant L.A. craftsman's movie on a jarhead sells more!

Christopher Sturdy with:
"To read a poem in January is as lovely as to go for a walk in June." =
Jean-Paul Sartre -
A snow day
Look, a verse.
O! Joyful imagination.

David Bourke with:
Obese passengers to be charged double to fly with Air France =
So, broad frogs pay twice the single fee, then board? Sacre bleu!

David Bourke with:
Obese passengers to be charged double to fly with Air France =
Robbie Coltrane's body weight charged FOUR plane seat's fees!

David Bourke with:
Obese passengers to be charged double to fly with Air France =
Crew said: "So...anyone that's gobbled a triple cheeseburger...off!"

Rosie Perera with:
The Former United States Senator John Edwards of North Carolina =
O errant one! Just now admits he fathered tart's child for no reason.

Rosie Perera with:
Hope for Haiti Now - A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief =
Fair Bono offering to help the bleak area for quite a while.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A boy becomes an adult three years before his parents think he's one, ~
and about three years after he thinks he so responsibly became one.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Gold were as good as twenty orators,
And will, no doubt, tempt him to any thing." =
Midas wants only to gold-plate doorway trim, not his own begotten daughter!

Rosie Perera with:
Susan Boyle comes home (West Lothian) to find an intruder =
Yes, that infatuated snob Simon Cowell's nude in her room!

Dharam Khalsa with:
A cynic's stand: Far-right motives mirror Orwell's "Nineteen-Eighty-Four" passages.
Ministry of Truth slogan: "War is peace, Freedom is slavery, Ignorance is strength."

Adie Pena with:
"Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs," a three-D animated Sony film =
Hence, Flint and the chum Sam easily beat a world "food" calamity.


1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
What do you believe Man's first words should be if we ever make contact with extra-terrestrial beings? =
Better show extended visa for Earth while we test your underwear's cavities for a small ticking bomb.

2nd - Larry Brash with:
What do you believe Man's first words should be if we ever make contact with extra-terrestrial beings? =
Whatever BS research it was we had, in future, do not ever stick two big flexible metal rods into my arse.

eq3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
"What do you believe Man's first words should be if we ever make contact with extra-terrestrial beings?" =
What I'd want to know is how come UFO's fly. The terrible 'air saucer' design vexes me!
A bird travels better!

eq3rd - Don Fortier with:
What do you believe Man's first words should be if we ever make contact with extra-terrestrial beings? =
I think we'd avert a shooting war if we tried a curt, safe "Don't evict us, Beeblebrox. we're mostly harmless!"

eq3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
The large-eared sixties hybrid Vulcan starcrew member avowed of others, "It's life, but not as we know it."

View with:
How about some sex? I believe you never did it with earthlings. Let's front fear matter - screw backwards!

Tony Crafter with:
Welcome, there, Eminent Visitor! Were you sent to fight, fix, breed with, or save all us backward bastards?

David Bourke with:
David Bourke: "We researched a lost, wise little being from Mars...with better syntax than View, of course!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
We extend a warm welcome, visitors! Stay brothers, but get handkerchiefs to avoid a terrible swine flu!

David Bourke with:
I swear them Daleks off BBC Television's 'Doctor Who' adventure were but always right, sir! - "Exterminate!!"

Adie Pena with:
We aren't all oversexed like a bitch's had her first screw but if you want some, meet vibrant Tiger Woods.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The crew came to retrieve its desire: the famous Alaskan ex-governor and wild Bristol? Why?! But, be swift!!

Rosie Perera with:
Welcome to this Earth. Don't excavate its fuel, making us worry. We drivers with babes need barrels of it.

Dan Fortier with:
Whew! You exist?! A shame! We'd trek over to the World Leader, but Obama's servicing brittle finances first!

Rosie Perera with:
Hey, what? Looking to visit Roswell, New Mexico, afterwards? Free advice: It's rather drab, but must be seen.

Rosie Perera with:
"Don't wait for that warm escort vehicle. We tax firms, we don't believe in you. Use ET's bike. Regards, L. Brash."

Dharam Khalsa with:
We'd embrace them as tourists, but first we'd verify wreckage is no silver-tinted weather balloon hoax!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The brewer fixes warm ale, voted 'Month's Best Draft', over his worst wisecrack, "Bud, you ale-in'? Get it - alien?"

Larry Brash with:
We reckoned that you would be firsts: wise, vast, formidable, however a bit larger than six centimeters.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Aloha, welcome to Hawaii! Dear me, first we'd better get vivid flowery shirts, or next see sunburnt backs!

Rosie Perera with:
Hi, bare invaders of Boston! We're very excited H.G. Wells' "War of the Worlds" came true. But isn't it a mistake?

Dharam Khalsa with:
"First you exit, carve weird marks in a field, disembowel cows' guts, then want to be brothers? Leave Earth!"

Don Fortier with:
Visitor outfoxed Armstrong, scribbled "We've been here" with sad Kilroy face. Neil mutters "What a waste!"

Christopher Sturdy with:
"www.seti.org went beserk! You'd better fill the IRS tax form and visa, 'cause The MIB have to record aliens."

Hans-Peter Reich with:
Know, I remember the first situation:
I saw wax-face Cher's worst 'Believe' and verbally stuttered "Oh God".

Adie Pena with:
"Howdy, visitors! Clean restrooms? Exit building... swerve westward... take a left tube before the main arch ..."

Adie Pena with:
"Off with the crew masks? NO! Beware! We're destructive devils. Our bad oxygen is lethal to Martian tribes!"

Don Fortier with:
We'd charter obese Star Trek sot William Shatner.
If he'd fail to survive...wow! - Nimoy gets barbecued next.

Dharam Khalsa with:
We'd revive worn classic, "Take me to your leader!" (theirs might be a bit wiser than ours) Next, we'd blast off!

Paul Pan with:
Borat observes the chic UFO driver's firm green tits and killer butt: "Wawaweewa! Ah, let's do sexy time, no?"

Don Fortier with:
"To new friends : welcome aboard our blue marble! We're excited! Starving? Have the fish! It's tasty!" (It works!)

View with:
Herbert Wells, and book 'The War of the Words' text, definite augury - clever, wee Marsians visit is combat!

Rosie Perera with:
Wow, I'm a wee excited receiver! But I bet busy writer Adams reverts to: "So long and thanks for all the fish!"

Tony Crafter with:
You've been transmitting these bad field-circles to us? What for? We believed it was Mr. hoaxer's artwork!

Adie Pena with:
Ask for my two worst Sci-Fi theatrical releases exhibited ever? Give 'E.T.,' 'Blade Runner' a two thumbs down!

Rosie Perera with:
We've sent trucks, water, extra beds, film crews, a Bible for sermons.... What the devil are you doing to Haiti?!

Adrian Hickford with:
What do you believe Man's first words should be if we ever make contact with extra-terrestrial beings?=
CHRIST! We're nervous... Gibberish, worldwide.
But the alien craft moves way too fast...


Dharam Khalsa with:
Excuse my brief version, but we'd be wiser to start to acknowledge warm vital life shared on this Earth.

Adie Pena with:
Warm wishes, dear E.T.,
Want a tour of the Sin City;
Some lurid weekend sex;
A big revival of Bertolt Brecht's?

View with:
Dear Friends! I so want to relax from this raving, wild sect, severest cobweb - Blue Earth! Take me with you!

Dharam Khalsa with:
We'd interview the voyager at breakfast, "Is it true fresh New Mexico bomb dust led to a crash in Roswell?"

Rosie Perera with:
Whatever became of that Heaven's Gate cult? Did its followers risk duress, bribery, extermination...? Wow!

Dharam Khalsa with:
It seems 'fair & balanced' Fox Network interviews the grey visitors, "Abduct the Obamas! We rule the world!"

Adie Pena with:
Well, why visit a deserted New Mexico lot and not the favorite suburbs of America where Star Trek's big?

Ellie Dent with:
Good Lord! Heavens! Well I never! But first, a brew, we take tea. Try the Fox biscuits... or Marmite sandwiches?

Larry Brash with:
We've little or no fear when attacking you, the rulers of weird excited bastards, with massive bombers.

David Bourke with:
We reckon (if the little silver bastards visit)...a warm Bronx cheer as we said "Goodbye!"...then we turf 'em out!

Meyran Kraus with:
I'd bet the few swift remarks voiced would sorta be...

Ellie Dent with:
Do you ever text, Twitter? What is social address in Facebook? Bring new members? Whatever. Earth is full.

Meyran Kraus with:
New vagrant - this better, wonder-world embraces faiths! Is your home wrecked? It's fixable... Leave it to us.


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Dear Ethan,

I read your letter in bed and my heart throbbed so hard it hurt! I adore you too, honey, but finishing the relationship was a mistake... I knew you'll come around and see that we are soul mates, though!
I felt so lost without you, Ethan. The flat I rented seemed so empty and cold and life seemed so hellish, but now I can simply move back in with you - so I'm ditching this place! I'm so happy I held on to your key, and I'm excited that I'll see my cute little Mittens soon... Give her a kiss from me.

I love you, my dear Ethan; You are the reason I still exist... And I certainly have to thank my sister for talking some sense into you! :)

Eternally Yours,

You wrote:

>I was a fool to leave
>you... I can't sleep
>or even eat, because
>I think you're quite
>amazing! I ask you to
>forget all about the
>past week and a half
>when I broke it off,
>and take this stupid
>knucklehead into your
>bed again. Please do!
>Thank god your sister
>made me realize that
>I was a total cretin
>when we were dating.
>We chatted at length
>and I have to agree,
>I think I'm in love!
>Do come back to me...


Hey Jane,

Look, you didn't read my previous e-mail right, okay? Seems half of it got truncated somehow. An ad must've blocked it. Here is the one that I sent you originally:

>I was a fool to leave my house key with
>you... I can't sleep in some nice motel
>or even eat, because my wallet's in there.
>I think you're quite senile. It's truly
>amazing! I ask you to return it, and you
>forget all about the damn thing like the
>past week and a half didn't happen. You see,
>when I broke it off, I meant it! Oh yeah,
>and take this stupid cat or I'll cram this
>knucklehead into your mailbox; it soiled my
>bed again. Please do. It's Satan's spawn!
>Thank god your sister took me in and also
>made me realize that I should've dated her!
>I was a total cretin not to notice her hints
>when we were dating. I made up for it now...
>We chatted at length after a night of sex,
>and I have to agree, she's WAY more bendy.
>I think I'm in love! You sure you're related?
>Do come back to me... about the key, that is.

P.S. Didn't I tell you this once before? You should really switch to a more reasonable e-mail service.


2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie', with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out to the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed out of the parking lot,' he shouted.

'An ambulance just drove by!'

'It looks like the Dixons are having company!'

'Gee! Freddie Dryden is riding a new bike!'

'Looks like the Woodwards are moving!'

'Trevor Dowie is riding on his skateboard!

After a few moments he called out, 'The Williams' are screwing!!'

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out 'Er... How do you know?'

'Davey Williams is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar.'



I was having major problems communicating with my computer. So I rang Ashley Hunt, the ten-year-old boy next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him if he'd come over to help.

Ashley duly arrived, clicked on a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I asked him, 'So, what was wrong then, Ash?'

He replied, 'It was a basic ID ten T error, that's all.'

I didn't want to appear daft, but nonetheless inquired, 'An ID ten T error? What's that? In case I have to go back to it again.'

Ashley grinned.... 'Haven't you heard of an ID ten T error before?'

'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think maybe you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like Ashley, the smartass little bastard.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A Texan cowboy stopped in at a restaurant following an unhurried day during his stay in Mexico.

While sipping a refreshing tequila, he eyed an impressive platter being served to a nearby table. Not only did it look scrumptious, the smell was wonderful!

He addressed the waiter, "Oh, sir..."

The waiter replied, "Yes?"

The clueless cowboy asked, "What is that dish you just served?"

"Ah, Se–or," the server answered. "You have excellent taste! They are called Cojones de Toro, the 'oysters' from the bull fight this morning, considered a choice delicacy here."

The American cowboy, despite considering animal anatomy for a moment, ordered. "What the heck, bring me those!"


The diplomatic server explained, "I am so sorry, Se–or. The kitchen cooks only one portion per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place an order, I will hold your dish."

The next day, the cowboy placed the order over his relaxing breakfast. That evening he sat down once again and was served his sole 'catch of the day'. After tasting just a few tender spicy bites, he was just not satiated and regarded his platter.

He called the waiter aside, whispering, "They were quite delicious, but much, much smaller than those I remember seeing you serve yesterday."

The waiter nodded, "Si, Se–or. Sometimes the bull wins."

Adie Pena with:
The teacher handed out to the children some Life Savers with little holes. They began to identify the flavors of the candies by their color.

"Red? Cherry!" Sue said.

"Orange? Obviously, this is Orange!" Molly proudly uttered.

"Yellow? It must be Lemon!" Pat declared too.

"Green? It could only be Lime!" Kathy cried out.

Finally, the teacher gave them all Honey-flavored Life Savers.


"It's Coffee? Beer?" Leo deduced.


The really behaved children confessed that they could not identify the taste.

The teacher then nostalgically said, "I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."

On the verge of vomiting, little Dolly looked up in horror, spit her Life Saver out and irreverently blabbered, "Oh my God! They're ass-holes!"

Christopher Sturdy with:
Marriage Vows

Dharam Khalsa with:
R.H. Tawney in "Keeping Left" (1950)

Dharam Khalsa with:
Another Senior Moment

An old friend of mine was eating her breakfast in a restaurant when she suddenly felt a desperate need to pass gas. The music was very, VERY loud, she said, so she timed her gas with the beat of the music.


Thanks to a symphony of farts (and her eye astigmatism), she felt better and finished her uneaten food, unaware a waitress had evacuated all the customers.

So, I guess she never did remember she was listening to her new iPod.

Dharam Khalsa with:
One day, a son cockily asked his mother the following question: "What is the reason wedding dresses are white?"

The mother took a deep breath and replied, "Son, the traditional chiffon garment's whiteness is to show all your relatives and friends at the church that your chosen bride is as pure as the driven snow."=
Thanking his sweet-of-heart mother, the son couldn't resist verifying the lesson with his repairman father later that afternoon. "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"

The bossy tattooed worker looked at his son, considered his query, and roared, "Son, because all household appliances come in white!"



1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet 64

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Retired Husband

After he retired, I insisted that my husband accompany me on my midweek trips to the local Target store. Unfortunately, like most men, he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, I'm like most women - I wish to browse. Yesterday, without warning, I received the following letter from the Target manager:

Dear Mrs. Khalsa,

Over the past 6 months, your husband, Mr. Khalsa, has caused quite a commotion here in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and are going to be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by the video surveillance cameras.

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms off the shelf and stealthily dumped them in other people's shopping carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set twenty alarm clocks in the housewares department to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 7: Made a trail of diluted ketchup on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

July 19: Walked up to an employee, belched, and demanded in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away!" This caused the employee to abandon her station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and money.

August 4: Went up to the Customer Service desk and tried to put 2 bags of M&Ms on layaway.


August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign from tiles over to a carpeted area, laughing.

August 15: Got a tent set up in the camping department and told children he'd invite them to stay over if they would bring a mat, doughnuts, other sugar goodies, and fluffy blankets from the bedding department, which twenty of the children did.

August 23: When asked if he needed help, screamed, "WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?" EMTs were called in.

September 4: Looked right into a security camera, transfixed, then used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

October 2: Darted around the store, suspiciously averting us, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.

October 5: In the automotive department, tested a taboo "Madonna look" by trying on a variety of similar pointy motor oil funnels.

October 7: Hid down in a jeans garment rack and when women browsed there, yelled "PICK ME, PICK ME!"

October 9: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he just assumed a fetal position and bawled "OH! NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And the worst:
October 26: Went into a narrow fitting room, left the door ajar, squatted a while, then yelled very loudly from the room, "MA'AM, THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!' Unfortunately, one of our clerks ran away.

In conclusion, Mrs. Khalsa, the Target staff members request that both you and your spouse stay away from our store in the future!

The management

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The doctor entered the wardroom and said 'Ah, hello Roger, I'm glad you have regained consciousness. You probably don't remember, but I'm afraid you were in a nasty crash on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything seems fine, but I'm afraid there's some rather bad news and I'm going to break it to you as gently as I can...

Your willy was chopped off in the crash and we weren't able to find it.'

Roger groaned (as he would!) and the doctor went on, 'We've just checked your health insurance and found that you actually have nine-thousand pounds compensation due, and the good news is that we have the technology to build you a new willy that'll work just as well as the old one, if not better! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's one thousand pounds per inch.'

Roger perked up a little at this (as he would!)

'So it's a simple decision,' the doctor said, "you just need to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five-inch willy before and decide to opt for a nine inch one now, she might be somewhat alarmed. However, if you had a nine-incher before and decide to opt for a five-incher now, she might be a little bit, well... disappointed. So it's important that you consult with her to help make the right decision.'

So Roger agreed that he'd talk with his wife.

The doctor returned the next day. 'Well, Roger?' he asked, 'have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have.' replied Roger.

'And has she helped you to decide?'

'She has,' he nodded.

'And what's the decision?' asked the doctor.

'We're having a new kitchen.'



This story happened a good while ago in Ireland. It may seem fictitious yet, allegedly, it is true.

John, a Dublin City University student, was out by the side of a gloomy country road hitchhiking on a dark night, in the middle of a vicious storm. It was so bad he could only see a few feet ahead.

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly come towards him... and stop. Desperate for a shelter and without consciously thinking about it, John climbed into the car and closed the door.... only to see it was unoccupied. Nobody was behind the wheel... and the engine wasn't running!

As the car slowly commenced moving again, he peered at the wet road ahead and saw a curve looming up. He started to worry for his life but... as the car was about to meet the curve, a disembodied hand came out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel.

Paralysed with fear, he continued to watch the eerie hand, yet it never touched or tried to hurt him.

Soon, he saw the lights of a pub in the distance, so, summoning up his courage, he hastily dived out of the car and ran for his life.

Soaking wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started to tell everybody about his awful experience.

A deep silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying and was not drunk. Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the stormy night. They, like him, were also soaking wet and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John weeping by the bar, one said to the other. 'Look ye there, McCoy. See? It's that fookin' idiot who got in our car while we were pushing it!

Tony Crafter with:
Eye of the Tiger

Adie Pena with:
January Morn

Dharam Khalsa with:
National Anthem of Vegetariana


1st - Wayne Baisley with:
Remington ~

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Ha! Scientists formally claim the G-spot doesn't exist! =
It's a sex-myth. So, let's go find that clitoris's place, men!

3rd - David Bourke with:
The Remington lady's electric shaver =
It is clear...her snatch gently removed!

David Bourke with:
A nocturnal penile tumescence =
One entails recent cum clean-up!

Tony Crafter with:
Warren Beatty gloats he has bedded more than 12,775 women! =
12,775 lays! Not bad, eh? Bet he has got a red-raw, erm... endowment.

Larry Brash with:
Cruelty to animals =
Yell: "I'm a sorta cunt!"

View with:
Male Genital Piercings =
Gleaming penis-article.

Dan Fortier with:
Ladies' G-Spot finder =
Lifting a dress, dope!

Rick Rothstein with:
The honeymoon suite =
Hot semen into you, eh?

Adie Pena with:
A huge clitoris =
Oh, a girl is cute!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Large breasted women =
Two resembled a range!

Rick Rothstein with:
A genital wart =
In a large twat.

Meyran Kraus with:
Naughtiest words =
"Ass", "dung", "tit", "whore".

Christopher Sturdy with:
Pee lovers =

The Anagrammy Awards