Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2010


1st - Rosie Perera with:
Time heals all wounds =
As well it should. Amen!

2nd - Tom Myers with:
Big bucks are central to ~
creating a blockbuster.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
'Sensitive' photographs =
'Private' posing shots, eh?

Adie Pena with:
Isn't "ugh-ly" ~

Rosie Perera with:
A prosthetic leg =
Got plastic here.

Harshal M. with:
A rearrangement =
Reenter anagram.

Tony Crafter with:
Lavatories ~
are so vital!

Trigger Happy with:
Least said, soonest mended =
Do no detailed assessment!

Rosie Perera with:
Time heals all wounds =
Oldest human law lies.

Rosie Perera with:
Time waits for no man =
Main matter is of now.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Time heals all wounds =
Hello...a lawsuit mends!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Time waits for no man =
It is meant for woman.

View with:
A personal computer =
Mac or Apple? Not sure.

Dean Mayer with:
Spread bet ~
reaps debt.

Rosie Perera with:
Put in sock drawer =
Tucked worn pairs.

Dean Mayer with:
Celebrations =
I can't be loser!

Dean Mayer with:
It's nasty weather ~
that trees sway in.

Dean Mayer with:
Winter's approaching =
Perhaps I can grit now.

Meyran Kraus with:
A true mind ~

Dean Mayer with:
Solid ice, ~
i.e., is cold.

Harshal M. with:
Anti-romance =
Not American.

Harshal M. with:
Violent =
Not evil.

Larry Brash with:
The feminine sex =
See the fine minx.

Dean Mayer with:
A second-hand motor vehicle =
Old car I have chosen to mend.

Paul Pan with:
The so-called third gender =
Detect droll he-she in drag.

Nikola Zivanovic with:
The protesters =
Street pothers.

Larry Brash with:
The masculine gender =
Such gentlemen, I read.

Dean Mayer with:
The launch of a nuclear missile =
See rash action cull human life.

David Bourke with:
Mature vintage =

View with:
Question =
O, inquest!

Harshal M. with:
Entirely ideal =
I really need it!

Rosie Perera with:
Mathematics =
Schema at MIT.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Airport full body scan =
Absurd frontal policy.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Spell this word - it is simple =
M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I... tell the world!

Ellie Dent with:
Inner calm and happiness ~
inspires and can help man.

Nikola Zivanovic with:
Security forces =
Rescuers of city.

Ivan Andonov with:
Rapid upload =
Drop a dial-up!

Rosie Perera with:
A dial-up modem =
Maimed upload.

David Bourke with:
Childbirth without anaesthetic =
Ladies in the act bitch how it hurt.

Rosie Perera with:
A lady cured at ~
adult day care?!

Harshal M. with:
"Justice is served" =
Jesus's directive.

Rosie Perera with:
Person of interest =
Oftenest prisoner.

Adie Pena with:
A fittest hero in ~
the fire station.

Tom Myers with:
My real advice? =

Tom Myers with:
A statement on modern morality =
Lots marry one time and mate. Not!

Sofi Ikonic with:
Labor omnia vincit =
Ambition? Liar! No CV!

Dean Mayer with:
It has one horn =
A rhino - honest!

Tom Myers with:
Mining disaster =
Migrants inside.

View with:
Fruits and vegetables may prolong your life =
Great stuff ! So, I buy more, play and live longer!

Meyran Kraus with:
Stonyhearted =
They're not sad.

Harshal M. with:
The astronomer =
On to Mars, there!

Ellie Dent with:
No evil ~
in love.

Dean Mayer with:
Inaction =
No, I... I can't!

Rosie Perera with:
Say it isn't so =
"It is so!" (Nasty!)

Dean Mayer with:
Disappearance =
n. A rapid escape.


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Leonardo da Vinci's 'The Last Supper' =
Depict all persons and the Saviour.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
"Decision Points" by George W. Bush =
One big stupid cowboy signs here.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson =
Who shall detect crooks... and morons.

View with:
Host Piers Morgan =
Set on his program.

Ellie Dent with:
Rowling's Harry Potter's =
Long story: sharp writer.

Harshal M. with:
"Rosebud" ~
bored us.

Ivan Andonov with:
Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of "South Park" =
They torture Stan Marsh. Started "Poker Face" prank, too.

Tony Crafter with:
'Antony and Cleopatra', by William Shakespeare =
Asp, held to a ripe breast, can kill any woman? Aye. =

Adie Pena with:
BMI Awards Country Song of the Year "You Belong With Me" ~
made by the young Taylor Swift! A big newcomer's honour!

Adie Pena with:
The BMI Awards Song of the Year "You Belong With Me" ~
by her, the awesome good human being Taylor Swift!

Rosie Perera with:
Sarah Palin's second book, "America by Heart" =
More obscene crap by a harsh Alaskan idiot.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Magic new film "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" =
Hermione and her match will adeptly fly at Hogwarts.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Never check e-mail in the morning" =
Her normal check-in time: evening.

Adie Pena with:
"Two Thousand One: A Space Odyssey" [Stanley Kubrick] =
Yes, new astronaut dissed by a cocky outspoken Hal.

Adie Pena with:
"My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" =
A stuffy art album. Kanye West did it.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The snowball's chance in Hell =
Chills? None! Hence, ball thaws.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Humphrey "Here's looking at you, kid" Bogart =
Our most rugged hero, the playboy in khaki.

Dean Mayer with:
How Green Was My Valley =
We've many a Welsh glory


1st - Dean Mayer with:
The Pope's view on contraception =
It is one concept he won't approve

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Today I heard Mr. Nielsen's soul claim: ~
"I am serious, and don't call me Shirley!"

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Britain's weather =
It's a barren white.

Rosie Perera with:
Chilean miner to compete in New York City Marathon =
Hole in rock, win my money, then enact trip to America.

Adie Pena with:
Disney star Demi Lovato enters treatment center =
To calm a very tormented, stressed itinerant teen.

Adie Pena with:
Mount Merapi, Indonesia ~
is one main mad eruption!

Tony Crafter with:
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer has filed for bankruptcy =
Sad end for truly great film company.

Rosie Perera with:
Indonesia volcano death toll tops one hundred =
Note on photo: "All died in seconds under hot lava."

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Fall Backward"--Daylight Savings Time comes to an end, ~
as I shift my wall clock and data gadgets in November.

Dean Mayer with:
The world's heaviest woman =
Whole vast diameter shown.

Dean Mayer with:
Harley-Davidson are to build motorcycles in India =
Hideously bad travel conditions; rider lay in coma.

Ivan Andonov with:
The Republic of Indonesia =
There is blood, pain, UNICEF...

Rosie Perera with:
Mystery "missile launch" off California coast? =
Sullen official says, "Hey, it's common aircraft!"

Rosie Perera with:
Anniversary of The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald =
Gloom, fear, frenzy; the craft did sink under the wave.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Decision Points" by former president George W. Bush =
Is bygone boss renewing support for "I'm the Decider"?

Rosie Perera with:
Somali pirates free Paul and Rachel Chandler =
Recall capture of small ship in hardened area.

View with:
Prince William engaged to Kate Middleton =
Coming wedding - potential dreamlike tale!

Ellie Dent with:
Prince William and Kate Middleton =
Wedlock in mind, till pair name date.

Rosie Perera with:
GOP senators agree to ban on earmarks =
A regret arose: "Spent on anagram books?!!!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sarah Palin says she could beat President Obama =
She'd bomb Asia, and then later Russia. Apocalypse!

Adie Pena with:
The married couple Wayne and Laurie Hallquist =
How clear indeed! Quite a tall human pair surely!

View with:
UK's to lend Ireland seven billion =
It's real - London even likes Dublin!

Rosie Perera with:
President Obama pardons Thanksgiving turkeys =
Man urged patriots: skip the bones, skin, and gravy.

Dean Mayer with:
The turkey tycoon Bernard Matthews dies =
Oh, the wanker introduced 'battery' system.

Tony Crafter with:
Students rioting ~
in rotten disgust.

Tony Crafter with:
Paul and Rachel released by the Somalian pirates =
Sea tale: A deal buys Chandlers airplane trip home.

Rosie Perera with:
[1926-2010] RIP Canadian actor Leslie Nielsen =
A role in cast in "Airplane!" silenced.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The president's basketball accident =
Battered black lip--send anesthetics!

Meyran Kraus with:
Kate Middleton is Prince William's future bride =
Seems frantic, but I am worried it'll end up like Di!

David Bourke with:
Snow across the United Kingdom =
Oh no! Winter sodding sucks, mate!

Dean Mayer with:
Peter Andre is rushed to hospital =
Sad sod isn't popular there either


1st - View with:
Diana, The Princess of Wales =
In past, Charles' one sad wife.

eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The American star George Clooney =
Here's Google entry: 'A cinema actor'.

eq2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Chilean miner Edison Pena =
A prominence in headlines.

Adie Pena with:
The American author John Ernst Steinbeck =
Just mean characters inherent in the book.

Paul Pan with:
Ibrahim Hassan al-Asiri =
Banish Sharia's airmail!

Adie Pena with:
The mountain climber Aron Ralston =
Horrible notion lets man cut an arm.

Adie Pena with:
The millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne =
I'll rely on happier hero with nice Batman suit.

David Bourke with:
The former EastEnders actress Kara Louise Tointon =
Artem (a Russian "friend") looks set to score a ten there!

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Romanian Ilie Nastase =
I'm also in a tennis area.

Ellie Dent with:
Miss Catherine (Kate) Elizabeth Middleton =
A bloke realized, then insisted, match time!

Nikola Zivanovic with:
Jose Manuel Barroso =
Real major EU boss, no?

Dharam Khalsa with:
President Barack Hussein Obama ~
repudiates a no-basis benchmark.

Ivan Andonov with:
Demi Lovato =
Moved to ail.

Ellie Dent with:
Wills and Kate =
In-laws talked!

Meyran Kraus with:
Carla Bruni, the wife of president Sarkozy =
A fit, thin looker sure was prized by France!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Russian President Dmitry Medvedev =
Trends demand I revive my tepid USSR.


1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Egyptian Book of the Dead =
Good-bye and keep to the faith!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Adelie Penguin Colonies of Antarctica =
I plunge into cold sea in a nice feather coat.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Transportation Security Administration ~
insist to scan my nude interior at that airport!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"The Tibetan Book of the Dead" (or "Bardo Thodol") =
Done at a deathbed to book rebirth foothold.

Rosie Perera with:
Mount Merapi volcano =
Eruption, lava common.

Harshal M. with:
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows =
Her healthy tales thrown oddly apart.

Ellie Dent with:
221 Baker Street, in the City of London =
Enter to identify Sherlock at No. 221b!

View with:
Windows Eight =
Show new digit.

Meyran Kraus with:
Republicans \ Democrats =
Cast in red or blue camps.

Rosie Perera with:
Transportation Security Administration =
A strict radiation intrusion, many protest.

David Bourke with:
Bernard Matthews Limited =
Men with maltreated birds.

Ivan Andonov with:
Arlington National Cemetery =
Line an American to rot gently.

Rosie Perera with:
Cyber Monday Sale =
Noble Macy's ready.

Rosie Perera with:
Food Safety Enhancement Act =
Can offset meat decay then, no?


1st - Tony Crafter with:
A wife came home, pulled into the driveway, bolted into the house and shouted at the top of her lungs,' Stan, just pack your bags ~ I've won the lottery!'
'Oh my God, Pauleen!' said her no-use husband. 'What do I pack? All beach stuff, I hope!'
'Doesn't matter; just get out.'

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
One icy evening, Sherlock Holmes and Watson were having their dinner at Baker St. Holmes asked his trusty doctor friend: ~ 'What d'you think of the Baskerville's dog?'

'I discern winning taste, Sherlock. Rather tender, no dryness. Can I have some more?'

3rd - Larry Brash with:
"Open the pod bay doors, please, HAL."
"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that." =
Data horror! It happened aboard in that old movie film, "A Space Odyssey".

Adie Pena with:
The musical play "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" =
Well, my deft Stephen Sondheim creates a better bloody feature!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"The gloomy months of November, when the people of England hang and drown themselves." --Joseph Addison =
The jowled London shopman, overwhelmed by dampness, goes off to the English hangman, or even the pond!

Rosie Perera with:
Exclusive: Man in disguise boards international flight =
Big villain landing in fun costume? So, extradite his arse.

Harshal M. with:
Scotland's burning, Scotland's burning.
Look out, Look out!
Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!
Pour on water, Pour on water! =
London's breaking, London's breaking.
Two suffer! Two suffer!
Riot! Riot! Riot! Riot!
Our cleanup, our cleanup!

Dean Mayer with:
An unbiased comparison between the 'Artist' and 'Genius' software packages =
I won't update because both inspired great anagrams; no weaknesses in fact.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Remember, a dead fish can float downstream,
but it takes a live one to swim upstream"
(W. C. Fields) =
If salmon swam up the fast river to breed,
I am no weak defeatist; I'll succeed!
(Debt-smart woman)

Harshal M. with:
"All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree." - Einstein =
German scientist indicates sensible, hale traces of reason here. Learn!

David Bourke with:
Clarence House has today announced the engagement of Prince William and Kate Middleton =
The future King, he alone demands a Sloane clone ...and the commoner lady-in-waiting accepted!

Dean Mayer with:
The Guantanamo detainees to get millions in compensation =
See Pentagon's intention; to launch some damage limitation?

Adie Pena with:
All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. Einstein =
Essence is rather certain and the core of all beings remains essential.

Dean Mayer with:
Kate Middleton has described the late Princess Diana as "An inspiration" =
Not like the dim, indoctrinated, insane, piss-head bastard arses in palace.

Rosie Perera with:
"If you touch my junk, I'm gonna have you arrested." (John Tyner) =
"You've a hand on my scrotum, you jerk!" Then a fight in journey.

Rosie Perera with:
"If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian." (Paul McCartney) =
Would you eat veal if you saw the savage daring ranchers help massacre gentle bulls?

Rosie Perera with:
It is well known that "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." But who said it? =
Mark Twain insisted it was the late Disrael's deed. But he lies, child. It's not in that one's life's work.

Meyran Kraus with:
The book 'Diagnosis and Treatment of Multiple Personality Disorder' by Frank W. Putnam =
This potent bit of work stunned me, BUT I'M SORRY, I DON'T AGREE, and I am so appalled, frankly!


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Lion! Lion! Burning bright
In dark woods of scary night,
What immortal foot or hand
Could approach you and still stand?
Palin! Palin! Human stain!
Odd crook of no class nor brain!
Can't our only God, with might,
Rid that sad world of your blight?

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Lion! Lion! Burning bright
In dark woods of scary night,
What immortal foot or hand
Could approach you and still stand?
Gorilla! Gorilla! Root of man.
Can you do an anagram?
Thick hands which do not shift words,
Turn up blindly, point to birds!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Lion! Lion! Burning bright
In dark woods of scary night,
What immortal foot or hand
Could approach you and still stand?
Big cat! Big cat! all forlorn,
Oh, and his plain fur, so worn
Night hours outdoor did play
Think wild, and not a common stray!

View with:
Canary! Canary! Fascinating bird -
Most brilliant in all our world!
'Gold' with high, top sound,
Hot, damn hot, so OK, profound!

View with:
Lady! Lady!
Adult or girl,
Big or small,
Poor or rich,
Kind or bitch -
(down, down pants
thoughts of human nation)

Dharam Khalsa with:
Condor! Condor! Flying high,
Old nocturnal owl is nigh;
Fat bustard, hawk's broad tail;
Rapid photos on my mountain trail.

Adie Pena with:
Giant Panda, born in China.
Stop coming, killing our fauna.
Thirtyfold our world has lost!
Damn! What horrid bloody cost!

Rosie Perera with:
Labrador dog, uncanny wag,
Did pick up ball, or infant's rag.
No minor child -- hath thrown toy in loo,
So smart, I'd flush it, too!

Paul Pan with:
Sophist! Sophist! Cunning brain,
Flaky logic, thy domain!
Grand oration, draw crowd to fool,
An horrid mount, halt da bull!

Rosie Perera with:
"Liposuction! Liposuction!"
How that fat blind lady brags!
Finding horrid lard on a human,
Doctors work on matronly hag.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Obama! Obama! Plodding along;
Rational church dad, slow, strong.
First duty: shrink inflation.
Why? To hold in corruption!

Christopher Sturdy with:
An awful, horrid, odd constraint
Doing turn but had complaint;
Consonant ratio bloody high.
"Lipograms" I'll ask "for why?"

Larry Brash with:
Golf man, golf man, untrustworthy,
His black car ain't roadworthy.
His blond girl had a notion;
Pro did sin, do copulation.

Meyran Kraus with:
Clinton! Clinton! (or "Porking Bill"!)
Hound-dog drawn to madcap thrill!
Fair wit, though you do harass
Any random bit of ass!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Landlord! Landlord! Fist on my door;
Now, angular body hit a brick floor.
In a panic, shot him with a gun.
Shit, cops! Gotta run!!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Dingo! Dingo! Town hobo,
With natural instincts of a lobo;
Hurry, guard thy paddock stallion
From him, darn rapscallion!


1st - Tony Crafter with:
Leroy Williams gets in the line, and when it's his turn, the preacher says: 'Hello, Leroy Williams, what do you want me to pray about for you?'

Leroy replies: 'Well, Preacher James, I just want you to pray for my hearing.'

At that, the preacher puts a finger to Leroy's left ear, and places the other hand atop his head. Then he tilts his own head to the Heavens and begins praying with great gusto.

A few moments later, the preacher removes both hands, steps back, bellows, 'Hallelujah!' and asks: 'Well, Leroy Williams - how's that hearing of yours now?'

Leroy says, 'I don't know, Reverend, it ain't till next Wednesday.'


A teacher was talking to her class of six-year-olds about whales.

She insisted it was impossible for whales to swallow humans because, although they are very large, their throats are very small.

One young girl in front, Penny Dwyer, put her hand up to say that poor Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated to Penny that it is physically impossible for whales to swallow humans.

Undeterred, Penny retorted, 'When I get to Heaven I'm gonna ask Mr. Jonah myself.'

'Really, Penny?' responded the teacher. 'So... what if Jonah went to Hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:

Excellent! I cried. Elementary, said he.

You know my methods, Watson.

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains however improbable must be the truth.

The lowest and vilest alleys in London do not present a more dreadful record of sin than does the smiling and beautiful countryside.

London, that great cesspool into which all the loungers and idlers of the Empire are irresistibly drained.

To Sherlock Holmes, she (Irene Adler) is always *the* woman.

It is the unofficial force - the Baker Street Irregulars.

The fair sex is your department, Watson.

The curious incident of the dog in the night-time. The dog did nothing in the night-time. That was the curious incident.

They were the footprints of a gigantic hound!



I heard my hero, Warlock Bones, playing the fiddle.

'Lostim, you pressed your trousers under a bed!'

'So, how do you know?'

'I've studied trousers over my lifetime. I noticed it once at your home.'

Then he said, 'In thirteen or so minutes, this man will arrive; a Finnish gentleman, he has a wife, two children, and three false teeth.'

'But how on earth can you tell?'

'Oh, he's a personal friend, regarding a stolen necklace.'

'But... the police?'

'The shortsighted dolts interrogated thirteen innocents, then will next arrest my poor friend's wife.'

'Frightful. Lord preserve us!'

'It is quite clear to me. Listen, the thief I'm loath to produce, but I can lay my hands on the gems.'

He went to his safe and extracted a case. It contained diamonds, shimmering in the lamp light.

'But - how... ?'

"I stole them,' said Warlock Bones.

eq3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Anti-terrorist forces today apprehended several individuals who had planned to smuggle cans of alphabet soup onto airplanes. =
The grave president said (in a press room photo-op), "If any can had blown up on a target, it could have spelled disaster, an end for us all."

eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
1. Home for the Holidays
2. The Ice Storm
3. The Daytrippers
4. Scent of a Woman
5. Planes, Trains and Automobiles
6. Pieces of April
7. Avalon
8. Alice's Restaurant
9. The House of Yes
10. Miracle on 34th Street


1. The Lavatory
2. I Remember Serotonin
3. Fittest America
4. Spaceship Sassenach
5. Movie 43: Untitled Comedy
6. Passion for Oil
7. Vampires of Washington D.C.
8. Lethal Shoe
9. That Southern Fool
10. Teenage Sarah Palin

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot..."


The nursery poem refers to a feeble effort to overthrow government using powder loaded in weapons and/or bombs.
He hung--remember?

David Bourke with:
It goes in dry, and it comes out wet,
The longer it's in, the stronger it gets.
It comes out dripping, and starts to sag,
It's not what you think, for it's just a teabag! =

Getting a thirst? I am making a brew,
I do trust it isn't too strong for you!
PG Tips, Tetley, Twinings, etc,
Just choose haste,
I'd add sugar (then stir) to taste!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." -- Lao Tzu. =

Oh, he wrote "Tao Te Ching",
Obviously no shallow teaching;
Whereby, we need to internalize,
Awaken enough truth to crystallize
Huge joy within.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Transportation Security Administration (TSA) protects the nation's transportation systems to ensure freedom of movement for people and commerce." =
The motto needs amendment to it! Airport staff scrutiny to a person's scrotum or fondle test to mammaries is not necessary, convenient or appropriate!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The strong young workman at the construction site bragged that he could outdo anyone in a test of strength. He even made fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had had enough and responded angrily, "I'll bet you a week's pay that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow to that outbuilding there that you won't be able to wheel back!" ~

The outspoken braggart reacted to this offer, laughing, "You're on, old man! You've got yourself a bet! Let's see what you've got, grandpa!"

Unshaken, the confident older workman reached out a tanned hand to take the wheelbarrow by its oaken handle. To outwit this boastful young man, he motioned to the wheelbarrow and uttered, "All right, climb in!"

Hence, he's the winner!


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Thanksgiving Day

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Here's something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Christmas Party Memo
(Political Correctness in overdrive)

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 2 November 2010
RE: Christmas Party

I'm delighted to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at the Grill House. This gathering is for employees only. Therefore, we will register with the restaurant hostess at the door of the private function room at 12:00 noon.

There will be a cash bar and lots of drinks and festive eggnog. We'll have a little band there playing traditional holy carols. Please feel free to sing along! And don't be surprised if the CEO shows up dressed as that overstuffed bewhiskered jolly elf, Santa Claus!

The lighting of the Christmas tree will be at two o'clock and a photographer will take the group photograph. After we are photographed, the gift exchange will be done. However, each gift should not be over $10 to make the giving less challenging for our overstressed pocketbooks. As we indulge in the delightful roast beef and dessert, the CEO will give his address on the stage.

Merry Christmas to you and your family,


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4 November 2010
RE: Holiday Party

In no way whatsoever was yesterday's memo intended to leave out our Jewish employees. This was an unfortunate oversight. We recognize that Chanukah is a very important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas (although not this year). We're redubbing our festivities the "Holiday Party."

The same applies to all other employees who are not believers in our Lord and Saviour. There will be no Christmas tree or traditional church carols sung. We will provide different types of music for your enjoyment. I hope you're all satisfied now!

Happy Holidays to you and your family,


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6 November 2010
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the snotty message I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate that request, but if I put a tag on a table that says "AA" you won't be anonymous anymore! How should I handle this? Try perching them high on the roof? Somebody?

Oh, and forget about the gift swap - no gifts are allowed. The spendthrift union officials feel $10 is too much money and the hardwired management believes it's a gyp! Therefore, NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Thank you,
Fed Up Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 10 November 2010
RE: Holiday Party

My, I never realized what a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the company party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.

Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your food until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in little foil doggy bags. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the tables nearest the restroom.

Gay men are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men. Each group will have their own table. To the person asking permission to cross dress - sorry, no cross dressing allowed.

We will have booster seats for short... oops, I meant to say 'vertically challenged' people. Low carb/low fat food will be available for those on special diets. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruit bowls as dessert for diabetics. The restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" pies.

Sorry! Did I miss anything?


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 14 November 2010
RE: The F*****g Holiday Party

Vegetarian jerks: I've had it with you people! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it. You'll get your f******g salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream! I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday and then drink, drive and die.

Pauline, the Bitch from HELL


FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Company Employees
DATE: 16 November 2010
RE: Pauline and the Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis an extra-speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at Room 200 of University Hospital. In the meantime, the management has decided to cancel our holiday party and gift exchange, instead giving everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

Have a SUCCESSFUL day!

Dharam Khalsa with:
November Rain

Ellie Dent with:

Ellie Dent with:
Bill was ill

Adie Pena with:
November by Tom Waits


1st - David Bourke with:
She ruined ~
her undies!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
TSA deploys new airport body scanners =
Randy cops now peer into lady's breasts!

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Sixteen Going on Seventeen =
Got intense sex one evening.

View with:
First lay =
Try fails.

View with:
The first lay =
Trifle hasty.

David Bourke with:
The art of Japanese penis honoring =
Prefer Asia? Get a Nip on the johnson!

Dean Mayer with:
What does female ejaculation taste of? =
To all, the waft of a seasoned meat juice.

Dean Mayer with:
Deviant sex ~
sated vixen.

Paul Pan with:
Female masturbation =
Labia-frot amusement.

Dean Mayer with:
Performing a full body search =
Splay her bum for a cold finger

Ivan Andonov with:
Rectal fisting ‡
Fingers at clit.

Rick Rothstein with:
An ejaculating penis =
A nice, pleasing jaunt.

Tom Myers with:
Between her lips =
Blew penis there.

Tony Crafter with:
"Will you still respect me in the morning?" =
In cruel torment. ('Shit... will I open my legs?')

Dharam Khalsa with:
In the man's scrotum and penis =
A sperm duct, as in nine months!

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