Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2011


1st - Rosie Perera with:
The right to peaceful assembly =
Public has met together safely.

2nd - David Bourke with:
Regular sperm donation =
Man pleasuring to order!

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Four-letter words ~
drew foul retorts.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A helicopter =
I race to help.

Dean Mayer with:
Treacherous wife stymies ~
'Your secret is safe with me'.

Scott Gardner with:
Demonstration ‡
Man doesn't riot.

Paul Pan with:
Silicone breast implants =
Blimps in a starlet, so nice!

Tony Crafter with:
Spirituality ~
is a lit purity.

Dean Mayer with:
Is taking a shower =
Hair's soaking wet.

Adie Pena with:
Failed a polygraph test =
Gypper has told a fat lie.

Scott Gardner with:
Monotheism =
"Him," not "some".

Adie Pena with:
Teenage promiscuity ‡
A younger pietism, etc.

Harshal M. with:
Pen is mightier than a sword ~
said, "The writing pones harm!"

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The serial monogamist ~
has let matrimonies go.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The discouraged anagrammatist =
I'm a game addict at strange hours!

Dharam Khalsa with:
He rescued pets =
He's due respect!

Ellie Dent with:
A united nation ~
attained union.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The late-night television infomercial =
Thief on there selling a line to a victim.

View with:
The lunatic asylum =
My ill nuts chateau!

Adie Pena with:
Minorities =
So, I'm tinier?

Scott Gardner with:
Valentine's Day celebrations =
A lady's interest can be in love.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Floor mat?

Harshal M. with:
Bust jail? =
Just bail!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Feeling discriminated against =
A definite racism-tinged signal.

View with:
A slot machine ~
has metal coin.

David Bourke with:
Fear of physical intimacy =
A manic life of psychiatry?

Rosie Perera with:
The contagious medical condition =
I'd imagine one sot could catch it, no?

Rosie Perera with:
Oh, I rode last train at ~
the railroad station.

View with:
Russian roulette =
O, result ain't sure!

Ellie Dent with:
Dawn's early light =
Day's new, all right!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Dawn's early light =
Rays delight lawn.

Ivan Andonov with:
The rehabilitation =
I battle a heroin hit.

Rosie Perera with:
Overthrowing dictators =
Crowds rioting over that.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Some incontrovertible evidence =
I don't believe it removes concern.

Trigger Happy with:
Hedonist =
Do the sin!

Larry Brash with:
A friend of Dorothy's =
Odds-on for the fairy.

Tony Crafter with:
Celestial flame =
A female cellist!

Rosie Perera with:
A "breaking news" blog =
Grab leakings on web.

Dean Mayer with:
A punch in the mouth =
I thump, then an 'Ouch!'

Ivan Andonov with:
Canine meat =
A neat mince.

Tony Crafter with:
The carpetmaker =
Patch marketeer.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Will I fulfill my own bucket list? =
Well, not if sickly, but I'm willful!


1st - Dean Mayer with:
Modern painting =
Mind-opening art.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" by L. Frank Baum =
Four warm fun folk, dazzled by the rainbow.

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Cowardly Lion =
Well ... can I, Dorothy?

Adie Pena with:
The movie screen star Leonardo DiCaprio =
I do have actor's role: Inception's dreamer.

Adie Pena with:
The English actor Colin Andrew Firth =
For I'll win the enchanted Oscar, right?

Harshal M. with:
ET's heart =

Rosie Perera with:
Colin Firth's star performance in "The King's Speech" =
Chosen prince, reticent man's lips shake for fright.

Tony Crafter with:
Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet ~
marks openhearted jealousies.

Rosie Perera with:
The Polish film director Krzysztof Kieslowski =
Some folks like his triptych work for it sizzled.

Meyran Kraus with:
Mona Lisa =
Nom: Salai.

Scott Gardner with:
Painter Rene Magritte's "Golconda" =
Gentlemen in greatcoats airdrop.

Scott Gardner with:
Frans Hals, "The Laughing Cavalier" =
He can flash a suave grin, all right.

Adie Pena with:
Christina Aguilera in 'Burlesque' =
I salute a unique girl in Cher's bar.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Album, "Never Mind The Bollocks, Here's The Sex Pistols" =
Oh, love LP's extreme hubris. Hm... like bad contents less!

Ellie Dent with:
Michelangelo Buonarroti's 'Creation of Adam' =
Huge anatomical fresco: I labor on it...and more.

Scott Gardner with:
The Renaissance painter Michelangelo =
"Creation" image seen in chapel enthrals.

Scott Gardner with:
"The Longest Time" =
Theme song title.

Adie Pena with:
Best Supporting Actress ‡
Gets subpar script on set?

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Best Actress in a Supporting Role =
Screen superstar to be in a spotlight.

Scott Gardner with:
Michelangelo, "David" =
Achieving model lad.

View with:
'They Might be Giants' ~
sing the mighty beat.

Ivan Andonov with:
Rooney goal vs City =
Cool? Yes! Gravity? No!!!

Adie Pena with:
The Best Actor in a Leading Role =
I bet he'll get one radiant Oscar!

Rick Rothstein with:
The Cowardly Lion =
Lonely road, witch...

Rick Rothstein with:
The Cowardly Lion =
Only docile wrath

Ivan Andonov with:
The soprano of Montserrat Caballe =
Hot talent from Barcelona's operas.

David Bourke with:
Actress Helena Bonham-Carter =
Oh, a merchantable screen star!

View with:
The Oscar =

Dharam Khalsa with:
Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 14, or 'Moonlight Sonata' =
Aha, that soon moves one born in '41 to open nostalgia.

Rosie Perera with:
The Oscar nominees =
Smoother in a scene.


1st - Ellie Dent with:
Tripoli unrest ~
interrupts oil.

2nd - David Bourke with:
The Egyptian tourism industry =
They must go pray it isn't ruined!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Thrill of winning that Oscar cheered ~
the English actor Colin Andrew Firth.

Scott Gardner with:
The Arab Republic of Egypt =
True peace?! Fight, probably.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Demonstrations in Cairo, Egypt =
Inept dictator may soon resign.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A demonstration ~
stormed a nation.

Scott Gardner with:
The "Day of Anger" protest =
Threaten roads of Egypt.

Rosie Perera with:
A new Exodus comes to Egypt =
Ow! A Moses guy not expected!

Adie Pena with:
Liberation Square, Cairo, Egypt =
Rarely quiet on a big riot space.

View with:
Obama's second year ~
may score as bad one.

Rosie Perera with:
Mubarak refuses to step aside =
Keeps a battered mass furious.

Adie Pena with:
The resignation of Mubarak =
A fighter, a broken man ... is OUT!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Former President Hosni Mubarak =
I'm despot shrunken from Arab ire.

View with:
Algeria braced for protests =
Arabs riot, forced large step.

Rosie Perera with:
A revolution in Egypt: The fall of a dictator =
Fairly given option, loathed autocrat left.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Report: Elizabeth Taylor was hospitalized =
We'll see a riot: the bloodthirsty paparazzi!

Adie Pena with:
Egyptian celebrations =
Plenty seen at big Cairo!

Adie Pena with:
The former Egyptian President Hosni S. Mubarak =
Unhappy bitter man is asked to resign from here.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Valentine's Day card =
That is red, and even lacy!

David Bourke with:
Silvio Berlusconi is to stand trial =
Italian's libido versus its control.

Rosie Perera with:
King Tut statue missing from Egyptian museum =
Main mummy's figure got taken; it's upsetting us.

Scott Gardner with:
Bahrain demonstration =
Hits modern Arab nation.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Anna Nicole's life gets the opera treatment =
OMG! Let her feel peace, not ten instant arias!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Borders Group, Inc. (a leading retailer of books) =
Bankrupt, foreclosed, a goner, eh? I'd go to libraries!

David Bourke with:
The fading dinosaur ~
Gaddafi is on the run.

View with:
Unrest in the Middle East =
This remained unsettled.

Ivan Andonov with:
Has Ben Ali died? =
He's laid in a bed.

David Bourke with:
Study Says Cell Phones Affect Brain Activity =
Survey is by physicians. T.C. "not affected at all"!

Harshal M. with:
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi =
I, an evil "Sicilian mobster", inspire turmoil!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Space Shuttle Discovery fueled for final flight =
I hope the last very full daring lift-off succeeds!

Rosie Perera with:
Rumors that Qaddafi has been shot dead =
Squad fires on the mad hothead bastard.

View with:
Space shuttle Discovery's last launch =
NASA cuts the travel ship's loud cycles.

View with:
Anti-Gaddafi fervour =
Get rid of a vain fraud.

Rosie Perera with:
The King's Speech (Tom Hooper) wins Best Picture award =
Gosh, a top number swept Oscars, when I picked it there!

Rosie Perera with:
Middle Eastern Democracy =
Laymen directed comrades.

View with:
Middle East protests =
Old states' distemper.

Rosie Perera with:
"Days of Rage" in the Middle East =
Defeat an old regime! It's shady.

db with:
Protests in Libya =
Pass into liberty?

Adie Pena with:
Liberation Day =
End a riot, Libya?


1st - Rosie Perera with:
Libyan strongman Muammar Gaddafi =
Aging, absurd, inflammatory madman.

2nd - David Bourke with:
The Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards =
I regret that he's still rocking, this dinosaur!

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The PM of Italy Silvio Berlusconi =
Stop the obviously criminal life.

Rosie Perera with:
Egyptian President Muhammad Hosni Sayyid Mubarak ~
makes unhappy men try ousting him, Arab media did say.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The German Chancellor Angela Dorothea Merkel =
Old men allege...ahem...a larger crack on the throne.

Rosie Perera with:
The German Chancellor Angela Dorothea Merkel =
Romance-challenged men look at her large...heart.

Ellie Dent with:
Herr Adolf Hitler and Fraulein Eva Braun =
Vain fuhrer, a blonde... all rather Freudian?

Ivan Andonov with:
Vlad III the Impaler =
I'll die a hit vampire!

David Bourke with:
President Hosni Mubarak ‡
Tremendous Arab kinship.

View with:
President Hosni Mubarak =
Riots punish and break me.

Adie Pena with:
Pieter Cornelis Mondriaan =
I need an art in prime colors.

Adie Pena with:
President Mubarak ~
bankrupted armies.

John Fidler with:
Sally Bercow =
Yo, screwball!

Adie Pena with:
Hosni Mubarak =
Arab: "Oh, I'm sunk!"

David Bourke with:
The late guitarist Gary Moore RIP =
A sorry repair to the ultimate gig.

Scott Gardner with:
The singer Christina Aguilera =
"Genie" is a regular hit in charts!

Tony Crafter with:
The American singer Christina Aguilera =
I err reciting US anthem. I change air, alas!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Italian sculptor Michelangelo Buonarroti =
He shall cut marble contour into original Pieta.

Dean Mayer with:
Stieg Larsson =
Star sign's Leo.

Harshal M. with:
Hades =

Ellie Dent with:
Thomas C. Eakins =
So, I sketch a man.

Harshal M. with:
The splendid Renaissance artist Michelangelo ~
can model real art designs in the Sistine Chapel!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Libyan dictator Colonel Muammar Gaddafi =
A cold aim: die a martyr, and go in full combat.

Scott Gardner with:
The Colonel Muammar Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi =
Tough maniacal madman made ruler of Libya

Adie Pena with:
Colonel Muammar Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi =
I am a mad, ugly-uniformed local Arab man.

Adie Pena with:
Colonel Gadhafi ‡
An all-good chief.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sharon Vonne Stone =
No, never has tons on!

Scott Gardner with:
Actress Natalie Portman =
Oscar name, in latest part.


1st - Scott Gardner with:
The Aston Martin DBS =
Mr. Bond's in that seat.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
So, what's really in McDonald's Chicken McNuggets? =
Necks, legs, guts and old corn, with many chemicals!

3rd - Adie Pena with:
A cheetah got one grazing impala in ~
the National Geographic Magazine.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Liberation Square ‡
Arabs in quiet role.

Adie Pena with:
"The City of a Thousand Minarets" =
That then is name of dusty Cairo.

View with:
The Muslim Brotherhood ~
mouths horrible method.

Tony Crafter with:
The Somalian Tourism and Travel Board =

Scott Gardner with:
The American Super Bowl =
A pro club team wins here.

Rosie Perera with:
The rumored new iPad Two from Apple =
Hip, potent, powerful; we add more RAM.

Harshal M. with:
The Studio of DreamWorks =
We do admit to four Shreks.

Scott Gardner with:
A Bahraini =
Hi, Arabian!

Ivan Andonov with:
The National Air and Space Museum =
American planes suited to a human.

Adie Pena with:
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder =
Do I discuss past terror matters?

Rosie Perera with:
The mythical Loch Ness Monster =
The Scotsmen, they all scorn him.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra =
Ich hore Herr Simon Rattle in Bach LP.

Ellie Dent with:
The 'i' daily newspaper =
I happily read newest.

David Bourke with:
The Mafia to socially cripple ~
Palermo, the capital of Sicily.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation =
Noble man aided ill, taught, fed nations.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Braille Institute's Alphabet Chart =
Ah, the ABC's are built in little parts.

Harshal M. with:
Burning death ~
at Hindenburg.

View with:
A 'Trident Splash' =
Let's snap it hard!


1st - Adie Pena with:
1. United States
2. China
3. Japan
4. India
5. Germany
6. United Kingdom
7. Russia
8. France
9. Brazil
10. Italy
1. Junkie
2. Underpaid
3. Hated
4. Cannibal
5. Lunatic
6. Horny
7. Frigid
8. Rude
9. Nastier
10. Anagrammatist

2nd - David Bourke with:
The White House's former intern Monica Samille Lewinsky =
Yes, it's a female who *likes* Mr. Clinton's wiener in her mouth!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A man goes to a psychiatrist. "You must help me! I cannot stop frying everything. I even deep-fried the cat! What is wrong with me?" =
Given the non-stop symptoms, which do match evidence, means we get insight. It appears that you're frittering your life away.

Christopher Sturdy with:
These high-brow examples of humanity: Paul Cook, Steve Jones, Glen Matlock, Johnny Rotten and Sid Vicious. =
Manic punk outfit who gave you "Never Mind The Bollocks, Here's The Sex Pistols" enjoying Clash and Jam too.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"A picture is a poem without words." (the Roman poet Horace) =
He said, "We compare each minor photo to a writer's output".

Adie Pena with:
"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." [Aristotle] =
But some do hope it will be a sociologist's diagnosis for Valentine.

Scott Gardner with:
Michelangelo Buonarroti's fresco "The Last Judgement" =
Lord Jesus among elect host in the center of a big mural

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along." - Persian mystic Rumi =
A hale honeymooner or mirthless mum will agree, it's the perfect lyric on Valentine's Day!

Christopher Sturdy with:
�noun, plural -gies. Informal or Facetious. Any science or branch of knowledge.
Colourful source many go on for boring facts nearly no-one challenges.

David Bourke with:
It's so often said that if one can remember the Sixties at all, then you weren't actually there! =
Really out of it, I salute the Beatles...Stones...Hendrix... The Who...Cream...Santana...Free...Tiny Tim, etc!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down." � Robert Charles Benchley =
When a friend enters, go greet him.
Don't slobber in the car.
Obey teacher/leader.
Don't bully ferocious cats.
Nap every day.

Harshal M. with:
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe =
Battle of heroic, connate children with one darn harsh White!

Tony Crafter with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.� Lucius Seneca =
Anger is not a psychotic conundrum. Ooh no. It's this cathartic ingredient WE HOTHEADS HAVE WHICH STIMULATES ADRENALINE!!

Rosie Perera with:
Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons =
Office might hope to ban ricin hits in a war zone or a pool.

Ivan Andonov with:
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. - George Carlin =
If weird, slick comedian jeers church, few will not go laughing out loud.


1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Fly in a hot air balloon
Witness a solar eclipse
Learn to juggle with three balls
Be an extra in a film
Visit a nudist beach
Sponsor a well in Africa
See an Italian football match
Deliver a baby
Settle in Sussex,
Though with brilliant girl (JaneE)

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Fly in a hot air balloon
Witness a solar eclipse
Learn to juggle with three balls
Be an extra in a film
Visit a nudist beach
Empower the sightless
Excuse no foolish habits
Incur earnings at a job
Reveal an ability in art
Dwell in a tall Bali flat.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Fly in a hot air balloon
Witness a solar eclipse
Learn to juggle with three balls
Be an extra in a film
Visit a nudist beach
All I want are:

- A lovely bride
- An exciting job
- A tall house
- A cheerful infant
- Lasting bliss...

So I want the impossible, rather!

Rosie Perera with:
Conduct an opera
Travel in Italy, see hills of Afghanistan
Install a major exhibit/show
Write a bestseller
Be bilingual

Rosie Perera with:
I've accomplished those all. Now I shall:
Get a job
Buy a brush
Fix a table
Get a wallet online
Rant, rant, if airline's sinister

Christopher Sturdy with:
I want to have sex in a tree
Eat frogs' legs or snails for tea
Hold a baby chinchilla
Pull babes in manila
I'll just write T-I-N-E

View with:
Climb Everest
Explore Hawaii
Fight against bull
Join wonderful caste
Be billionaire (as national star)
Then, shall stay

Adie Pena with:
Play football
Join a circus
Learn the sax
Be this swine billionaire Bill Gates
Finish a twelve thousand-letter anagram

Rosie Perera with:
Explain religion
Translate the Bible
Sing "Hallelujah Chorus"
Write a Vatican law: "No idols"
Attain my best beliefs so far

Dharam Khalsa with:
Swim the English Channel
Build orangutan habitats
See to fertile rainforests
Jail politicians, by law
Above all, relax!

David Bourke with:
Leave horrible Scotland
Settle (Australia)
Get a sheila/family
Earn (while in hospital job fixing nutters)
Blow cannabis

Rosie Perera with:
Witness Aurora Borealis
Go Scuba diving in Fiji
Lose all flab, be in excellent health
Meet Aslan at altar
Win this trophy!

Tony Crafter with:
Relax, it's brilliant!
Write a song
Fart 'The Blue Danube'
A night with Elle Macpherson (a vision, alas)
Enjoy life, cos it's a ball!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sit in an actual castle
Learn jousting
Sight-see via an elephant howdah
Fly o'er a rainbow
Orbit Mars

(I'll be flexible)

Larry Brash with:
Will fly to the Moon,
Visit hills, jungles, beaches,
Learn to relax a bit,
Go and see Albania,
Cure a patient's brains with flair.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Wear Teletubbies clothes
Get smallpox shots
Be thrown in Irish jail, not guilty
Fall in a lava area
Cannibalise a friend

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Be alive at ninety-six
Ail little in basic aural health
Just not lose a marble
Be now wise to all
Cherish a grand-offspring

Paul Pan with:
See Sophia Loren
Flirt wins Angelina Jolie
Will ravish Megan Fox
Thrill Laetitia Casta
Bed, Bath & Beyonce's natural bust.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Relish exotic Bali and Laos
Justify a run for senator
Stall a wartime biplane
Hit Vegas, win billions
Beat the challenge!

David Bourke with:
Vote Obama for "Change".
Swallow the bible's bullshit.
Annihilate terrorists.
Panic, lie.
Finally, extradite Julian Assange.

Dharam Khalsa with:
I'll write a theme on:

a hillbilly banjo
a grand piano
an electric guitar
a blissful sitar
even Who's bass!

As to the next life...

Harshal M. with:
Start in a HIGH start
Max up easy college subjects
Air a notable news review
Fill in fine health
Obtain a billion dollars!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ban whaling
Clothe the world
Abate suffering
Establish saintliness

Above all (it's paramount!):
Relax, rejoice

Dharam Khalsa with:
Thrash sons at volleyball
Foil all elite in PathWords
Win against a genius in Scramble
Be jubilant
Exit after a "Cheerio!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
Experience a real labyrinth
Learn US medical billing
Show off a heart tattoo
Assist the living in-laws
Also, be jubilant!

Harshal M. with:
Relax at the Seychelles
Get flown to Marshall Islands
Bestow boons in Cuba
Rehabilitate in Anguilla
Arrive, apt, in Fiji

Tony Crafter with:
Be a philatelist
Cycle in Fiji
Be less anxious
Nil ill-health
Write a novel about anagrams. (Alas, Dan Brown got there first!)

Rosie Perera with:
Been there, done that:

{I heart} airful bliss.
Enjoy a brilliant view.
I can. I'm a fanatic.
Stills photog.
No bare sex, was all gulls.

Christopher Sturdy with:
a call girl in a sixty nine
twins do me a blowjob
fill a porn star in all holes
see teacher's beautiful tits
bathe her vagina

Tony Crafter with:
Exhibit a painting
Write a song
Sail to a coral reef
Strum a banjo as well as the hillbilly in 'Deliverance'
Last shot - be fun!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Be a sexagenarian
Visit Australia once
Watch wildlife--hornbill, python
Meet Aboriginals
The best tales fill journals!

Dharam Khalsa with:
FIRST, jail Boehner
Fix that bad election loss
Inaugurate all ballsy women
View national spirit
Establish real change!

Christopher Sturdy with:
One - brilliant job is calling
Two - all I can eat
Three - all the best
Four - a high time
Five - an expression as Saturday balls win!

Ellie Dent with:
Be fashionable... fill a journal.
Attain wisdom over years.
Change all that is troubling within.
Be a realist.
Expect less...NIL!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Plant beautiful flowers on a hill rise
Exhibit bright blown glass
See the Dalai Lama
Settle in Costa Rica
Enjoy nirvana

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ah, I'll exhibit:
Blossom gala in spring,
Solstice feast in June,
Harvest tableau in fall,
Chowder boat in winter,
Tea all year!

Ellie Dent with:
Contact, if able, my lost
(ex) husband.
Paint a rainbow in oils
Hear a nightingale
Write tales for sale
Just BE; live, relish all!

Ivan Andonov with:
Sexually thrill babes
Inject a little heroin... NOT!
See the FIFA World Cup live
Abolish labor
Gain wins at an anagrams site

Dharam Khalsa with:
I may learn to oil, fix, align a car
Act as a hit television star
Use the barbells
Be thin and well
Shine in golf, just below par.

Larry Brash with:
If I was a woman:
I can enjoy vaginal sex,
Hair length to there,
No beard stubble,
Full realistic breasts,
A little nail polish.


1st - Larry Brash with:

An older married couple made an agreement that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was any sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was actually nothing at all after death.

After their long life together, the husband was the first one to go and, true to his word, he made first contact:

"Hello, Marion... Marion, are you there?"

"Yes, yes... Please... Is that you, Bobby?"

"Yes, my dear, it is. And, yes, I have come back to make contact with you as we promised."

"That is wonderful, dear! What is it all like?"

"Well... it is pretty great. I get up in the mornings, and I have sex. I have breakfast and then it is off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.

Then I have a long lunch (you would be proud of me - I'm eating lots and lots of greens now).

Another romp around the golf course, then it is pretty much more sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, well, it is back to the old golf course again.

Then it is more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh yes! Bobby, are you in Heaven?"

"No, no, no... you don't understand... I'm a rabbit in Gundagai!"


A man in Brisbane rings his son in Adelaide about two days before Xmas and tells him, "Steve, mate, hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and me are divorcing; after exactly forty years of woeful misery between us."

"What are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't even stand the sight of each other for one minute longer, mate." the father replies, "We are sick of each other, and besides, I am tired enough of talking about it, so you call your sister, Marie, in Darwin and tell her too, mate."

Frantic, the extremely agitated son calls his sister, who, explodes on the phone.

"The idea! No chance, Steve! Stuff that one! The senile duet ain't getting a divorce!" she shouts out, "I'll fix them, mate. Fix them up good and sweet."

She calls up Brisbane straight away and explodes at her father:

"You are not getting a divorce. Don't do a thing before I get there. I am calling my brother back, and after we will both be out over there tomorrow to meet up, until then, wait." and repeats, "Don't do a thing. DO YOU HEAR ME, FATHER?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone, faces his wife and tells her.

"OK, Kate, that's all fixed. They are coming for Christmas and even paying their own air fares."

2nd - Ember Nickel with:
Whichever states we go to, we see that changes in weather lead some people to do weird things.

At 60 degrees, some Floridians turn on their heaters.
At 50 degrees, people in Cuba shiver uncontrollably while their teeth chatter.
At 40 degrees, none of the cars in Germany or England will start.
At 32 degrees, distilled water freezes. Tea, too.
At 20 degrees, people in Florida put on some big warm coats, pairs of thermal underwear, and wooly ski masks.
At 15 degrees, landlords in New York and Boston finally turn up their buildings' heat, while parents warn their sons not to go outside.
At 0 degrees, everyone in Miami dies.
At 10 below 0, Californians see snow and, at their wits' end, fly south to dry, torrid, Mexico.
At 25 below 0, stock in thick clothing goes up, but Hollywood disintegrates.
At 40 below 0, Washington DC just suddenly runs out of hot air.
At 100 below 0, Santa Claus goes south for the winter.
At 460 below 0, all atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
At 500 below 0, hell freezes over.


All this faraway action at changing temperatures has men and women in Minnesota puzzled. I reckon that it is milder here. Or others find it real hard to handle things...

At 60 degrees, people in Duluth plant their gardens.
At 50 degrees, we try suntanning.
At 40 degrees, if they feel warm, Ramsey County natives drive with all the windows down.
At 32 degrees, the water in Bemidji gets thicker.
At 20 degrees, we throw on our flannel shirts.
At 15 degrees, St. Paul natives have the last cookouts before it gets too cold.
At 0 degrees, we close all the windows.
At 10 below 0, we get out our winter coats and skis.
At 25 below 0, hardy Girl Scouts in Hennepin County sell boxes of Trefoil cookies door to door.
At 40 below 0, Minneapolis residents let their lazy dogs sleep indoors.
At 100 below 0, we are all mad or upset because it is hard for anyone's snowmobiles to start.
At 460 below 0, we begin to ask if it is "Cold enough for you?"
At 500 below 0, the governor orders all Minnesota public schools to open three hours late.

eq3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Sonnet 18

eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
To be, or not to be, innit

Harshal M. with:
I am a number.
Which number am I?

I'm a number that is used everyday.
Oh, an ordinary amount of points in a triangle.
Check these words: 'triple', 'trio'; also 'troika'
Also, I'm George Bush's real IQ.
Eighty minus seventy-seven.

Oh and a little last reference I want to tell.
No words in this puzzle have me in letters!



So I am holding another number up.
Go manage it!

This is rather an equality in months in a year.
The value in symbols on a clock.
And it's four times three (an estimate).
It follows tin anniversary twice. Old, eh?

But I perceive a last surmise...
The integer's remarkably not here in words!


View with:
"Wild animals never kill for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself." =
War, nemesis, torment, ordeal, strike, affliction, lash, woe are human inventions... So many dull words for the futile, hostile plight.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ole goes out one day to use the outhouse, and he finds Sven there in a fix. Sven has his wallet out, and he's throwing money into the big hole in the outhouse.

Ole asks, "Sven, watcha doin' there, fella? You're throwing the five dollar bill and the ten dollar bill down into the big hole! Whatcha doin' that for?"

Sven answers, "Well, when I zipped my trousers I dropped a nickel down there - and I'm not gonna go down into that black murky mess to grab only a nickel!"


Ole went to the Sons of Norway Hall on Friday evening for a scheduled meeting and won the door prize, which was a new toilet brush, no less! He was so thrilled he had won even one thing that he hurried home to use it vigorously and often.

At a lull in the next scheduled meeting, as smalltalk, Sven asked Ole what he won and if he liked it or not. "Sven, I only won a toilet brush. It's good," he continued, "but I think I'm probably gonna go back to paper shortly."

Dharam Khalsa with:
An old woman had 50-yard-line tickets for the Super Bowl, and as she sat down, an elderly man came along and asked her if anyone was sitting in the seat beside her.

"No," she said, "the seat is empty. You may sit here,"

"That is very incredible!" said the man, "But who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, for the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

The woman answered, "Well, I purchased both seats. The other seat actually belongs to me...


I planned to come here to watch the game with my husband, but he passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't attended together since the wedding 50 years ago."

"I'm sorry to hear it. It's a shame, but I know you could've found someone else in an instant - friend, grandson, relative, or neighbor - thrilled to be a stand-in. Why be stoic? This seat is ideal!" the man asserted.

The woman shook her head awkwardly, snapping, "Listen, they're all still assembled at the funeral!"

Adie Pena with:
The victims of the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre

Dharam Khalsa with:
Quote by Robert Benchley

Dharam Khalsa with:
A Few of the Most Famous Teen Movies from the '80s:

"Back to the Future"
"Sixteen Candles"
"The Lost Boys"
"The Breakfast Club"
"Pretty in Pink"
"Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
"Can't Buy Me Love"
"St. Elmo's Fire"
"Valley Girl"
"Say Anything"


Styles of the 80's Teen:

Big hair (Mom's tall "beehive"? Different story!)
Ray Bans
Buff mesh tee
Fluorescent-motif tee
Vinyl stuff
Rayon tuxedo
Button-fly Levi's
Parachute pants
Argyle socks
Metallic Reeboks

Yaveth with:
Leading plan

Dharam Khalsa with:
This is the House that Jack Built

Dharam Khalsa with:
Quote by Robert Benchley


1st - Adie Pena with:
Afternoon In February

2nd - Harshal M. with:
Here is a set of 18 Scripps National Spelling Bee winning words anagrammed into another set.
gladiolus + deteriorating + sanitarium + canonical + semaphore + psychiatry + vignette + schappe + esquamulose + sycophant + abalone + incisor + milieu + spoliator + fibranne + kamikaze + succedaneum + stromuhr =
albumen + knack + therapy + initials + soubrette + condominium + syllepsis + catamaran + smaragdine + equipage + eczema + psoriasis + Purim + staphylococci + antediluvian + logorrhea + autochthonous + serrefine

The digits in the years that these words were spelled are an anagram, too, making this doubly-true.
1925 + 1934 + 1938 + 1939 + 1946 + 1948 + 1952 + 1957 + 1962 + 1964 + 1968 + 1975 + 1985 + 1989 + 1990 + 1993 + 2001 + 2010 =
1928 + 1932 + 1940 + 1941 + 1953 + 1956 + 1958 + 1959 + 1961 + 1963 + 1965 + 1982 + 1983 + 1987 + 1994 + 1999 + 2004 + 2007

eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:

eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Do not stand at my grave and weep

Tony Crafter with:

It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down and the streets are quiet and deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

On this particular day, a rich German tourist is driving through the town. He stops at the local hotel and lays a £100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wishes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to select a quiet one to spend the night in.

The owner gives him all the room keys and, as soon as the visitor has gone upstairs, the hotelier grabs the hundred-euro note and rushes next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the hundred-euro note and runs off down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the hundred-euro note and sets off to pay his bill at the suppliers of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmers' Co-operative takes the hundred-euro note and goes off to pay his drinks bill at the pub.

The publican quietly slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar. She is also facing extreme hardship and has had to offer him "extra services" on credit.

The woman quickly dashes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the proprietor with the hundred-euro note.

The hotelier immediately places the £100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the note, says that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and is looking to the future with a great deal more optimism.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.



Once upon a time, in far Bavaria, there was a beautiful Queen with very large breasts. Peter the Dragon Slayer obsessed over her for this very reason. He knew that the penalty, should he ever try to touch them, was instant death; but he just had to try.

One day, Peter revealed his secret yearning to his pal Lento, the King's doctor. Lento thought about it and said that he could arrange for Peter to satisfy this desire, but it would cost him a 100 gold coins to orchestrate the corroboration.

Peter readily agreed to this.

The next day, Lento made a batch of itching powder and sprinkled a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. After she dressed, the itching began instantly and soon became intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to look into this matter, Lento informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, applied for four hours, could cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that Peter's saliva would work as the antidote.

The King, anxious to help his wife, summoned Peter to their chambers.

Lento then slipped Peter the antidote to the itching powder, which Peter put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, he worked passionately on the Queen's glorious breasts. Her itching was eventually relieved, and Peter left the room satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, he found Lento seeking payment of the 100 gold coins. With his kinky obsession now satisfied, Peter couldn't care less and, knowing that the doctor could never report the matter to the King, told him to get out.

Later that day, Lento slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King hastily summoned Peter to his room...

The moral of the story?

Pay all your debts!!!

View with:

Ellie Dent with:
Money, get away

Dharam Khalsa with:
This is the House that Jack Built [version II]


1st - Larry Brash with:
The Bristol Stool Scale =
Shit selectors' lab tool.

2nd - Ivan Andonov with:
Was it "hormones"? =
It's "whore moans"!

Eq3rd - Tom Myers with:
Film seemed racy =
I creamed myself.

Eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Scatological humour =
I'm at loo ... laughs occur.

Tony Crafter with:
Harlot's occupation =
Copulation or chats.

View with:
Ten inches of pleasure =
Sensual perfection, eh?

Paul Pan with:
"Death Diet", as in ~
"Eat shit and die!"

Rick Rothstein with:
The Tinman, the Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion =
Innocent Dorothy screwed them all? In what, a car?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Doctor to the teenaged girl: "Are you sexually active?" =
Good gal used creative route: "Not exactly, I lay there!"

The Anagrammy Awards