Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2012


1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Sticking to the speed limit =
This implied 'get no tickets'.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Nesting goose =
Sits on one egg.

3rd - View with:
Egomania =
O, me, again!

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Wisest Sir, These odd, lethal criminals kill fast! =
Scotland's shame. It's filled with serial kilters.

Dean Mayer with:
Witenagemot =
Wot a meeting!

View with:
Democratic voters =
Distract & overcome!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Angel Moroni, blowing his golden trumpet ~
belongs tangled up with Mormon religion.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Appetizers =
Prize pâtés.

Dharam Khalsa with:
It's another Friday night at home =
Hide to try to finish the anagram.

Adie Pena with:
Separated wife =
Desperate waif?

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Deathbed confession =
Shed a debt of sin, once.

Rosie Perera with:
A marriage that ended in divorce =
Man-hater regarded "I do" inactive.

Christopher Sturdy with:
A senile doctor's advice =
Overdose is accidental.

Adie Pena with:
Separated husband ~
departs unabashed.

Larry Brash with:
Scoville Heat Units =
Licit Hotness Value.

H.A.Downs with:
Spoiler alerts =
Loser rips tale.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Paraprosdokian sentences =
Reason peaks in second part.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The termite wanders into the bar, sits on the stool, and ~
hints to its mate, "Bartender here?" He was told, "No, it's not."

Tony Crafter with:
God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform =
Does 'moving' mean you permit sorrow of disasters? Why?

Paul Klenk with:
Threats ~

Christopher Sturdy with:
The motivational speaker =
Promise a talk to the naive.

Larry Brash with:
Pre-menstrual Syndrome =
My ten personal murders.

nedesto with:
The meaning of life is ~
faith in some feeling.

Christopher Sturdy with:
See that complete failure? =
The amateur fell to pieces.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Accident investigators =
Agents discover Titanic.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Peace tradition churches =
Deaconship architecture.

Rosie Perera with:
An airbrushed photo =
A poor head; burn this.

Don Fortier with:
He cast out snakes and vipers from ireland =
Herald Saint Patrick ends venomous fears

Rosie Perera with:
The My Lai Massacre =
A lame army's ethics.

Rosie Perera with:
Casting out demons =
God-action stuns me.

David Bourke with:
An acute myocardial infarction =
A fact in a coronary medical unit.

David Bourke with:
Do bears shit in the woods? =
The browns do. (Hot daisies!).

Andrew Brehaut with:
A materialist ~
aims at retail.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
REM sleep ~
repels me.

Rick Rothstein with:
Nursing mothers ~
trim sons' hunger.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
A theater improves ~
a private rest home.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Arctic region=
Icing creator

Tom Notarangelo with:
Will you marry me? =
I'm your warm yell.

Larry Brash with:
Rapid Eye Movement Sleep =
"Eleven?" "Yes, Pop... dream time."

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Eight rounds =
Thugs ride on.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The cardiologist =
This agile doctor.

Larry Brash with:
Keep out of reach of children =
Hence careful of the poor kid.

H.A.Downs with:
Mobile Banking =
Bemoan bilking.

David Bourke with:
Clinical obesity =
I list on a bicycle!

Dharam Khalsa with:
What is "justifiable homicide"? =
Biased "mischief" without jail.

Rosie Perera with:
History repeats itself =
Strife yet spoils earth.

Tony Crafter with:
He's tearing off on a wild goose chase =
A solid case of going nowhere fast, eh?

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
He's a "yes man." ~
"Amen!" says he.

Neil Ramsay with:
Condemn-a-Tory =
D Cameron, Tony ...

Ellie Dent with:
Wealthy class =
A yacht's swell!

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
bad nightmare =
mad breathing

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Code of the West =
To feed the cows.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Those negligible nighties =
Negligees hint "oblige this!"


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Dali's 'The Persistence of Memory' =
His masterpiece of modern style.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The fictional Secret Service Agent, James Bond =
Ian Fleming creates screen job that is coveted.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Play "The Dark Side Of The Moon"? =
Some hated to hear Pink Floyd!

Tony Crafter with:
1. Bohemian Rhapsody
2. Imagine
3. Angels=
1. Opera singer
2. A Beatle's hymn
3. Missies he loved banging!

Tony Crafter with:
Madonna's World Tour =
Old woman's road turn!

nedesto with:
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll =
A weird new universe cannot corral lass Liddell.

View with:
The 'Yellow Submarine' =
Sea-billow rhyme tune.

Rosie Perera with:
An actor slits his own throat as a knife switch ~
takes its non-fictional twist. How harsh a scar!

Adie Pena with:
"Dr. Seuss' The Lorax," the animated movie in Three-D =
I'm reminded I should save the Earth, NOT ax trees.

H.A.Downs with:
'The Cost of Freedom' =
Other Doom Effects

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
I'm Popeye the Sailorman =
Yippee, man! Heroism--a lot.

Larry Brash with:
"Popeye the Sailor Man" =
I am a-hole type person.

Ellie Dent with:
Dali masterpieces =
Dream specialties.

Rick Rothstein with:
Popeye the Sailor Man and Olive Oyl =
Aye, model 'toons are happily in love.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The movie "Titanic" redone in three-D =
Intended to enrich the emotive air.

Rick Rothstein with:
The cartoon figure Popeye the Sailor Man =
Large forearms, a thin cute "honey", pipe too.

Harshal M. with:
Suzanne Collins' The Hunger Games =
Hunt zone's challenging measures.


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Nuclear Iranis ~
can ruin Israel.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
A Syrian rebel =
Israel nearby.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Anti-Putin protesters =
Support ain't in the street!

Rosie Perera with:
Romney wins Wyoming =
"My money grows in win."

Christopher Sturdy with:
Nationwide outbreak of Schmallenberg Virus =
Vet I hire went "Bad luck for our lambing season"

Rosie Perera with:
Blueprint for an economy built to last =
Obama's input for noble little country.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
The Willard Mitt Romney Superpacs =
A trumpet heralds Winter Olympics.

nedesto with:
Limbaugh loses three big sponsors after 'slut' remark =
Host "King Rush" presumes self to be gal's moral arbiter.

View with:
Putin claims victory in elections =
Implicit, not-novel Russian cecity

nedesto with:
Saint Patrick's Day: 'Tis the seventeenth of March =
Fans empty those tankards at hectic Irish event.

Josiah Winslow with:
Huang He, The River Called China's Sorrow =
All their sorrows "enhanced archive." UGH!

Andrew Brehaut with:
President Barack Obama's re-election chance =
Needs black American cash to be in top career.

Dharam Khalsa with:
'Pink Slime' will be a choice for public schools =
If possible, I will home-pack broccoli lunches!

Ellie Dent with:
It's a Mother's Special Day =
A tear at my child's posies.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Republican War on Women =
New phobia, or cruel man Newt?

Rosie Perera with:
Is a second term for President Obama likely? =
So predictable it's done! Mr. Romney is a flake.

nedesto with:
JetBlue's pilot suspended for behaving erratically =
Bad player's violent turbulence jeopardises flight.

H.A.Downs with:
Cows to Fart a Lot Less =
fast toots clear slow.

Meyran Kraus with:
The Iranian nuclear facilities =
That can ruin a nice Israeli life.

Tony Crafter with:
Robbie Williams and Ayda Field =
Dim idol and wife'll raise a baby!


1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Syrian President Bashar al-Assad =
Sinister and has Arabs paralysed.

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Cameron =
Mr. Ocean

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge =
Such a deft charm: it echoes breeding.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A dig: How can a smug Mitt Romney write out his name ~
without using the semi-anagrammatic word "Money" ?

View with:
Willard Mitt Romney =
I'm wild manly rotter.

Adie Pena with:
Willard Mitt Romney =
Mr. All-Time Dirty won?!

Rosie Perera with:
Kenneth Konias Jr. of Pittsburg =
Jerk thinks, "Top fortune in bags!"

View with:
Reichskanzler Adolf Hitler =
Herr 'Fast Killer'. Cold Nazi, eh?

nedesto with:
U.S. presidential hopeful Mitt Romney =
The futile Mormon desires any pulpit.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Paige Turner =
A pun I regret.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Sir Clive Sinclair =
Sillier car is in cv

Adie Pena with:
Madonna ~
on a MDNA.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Shelina Permalloo =
Poo in all her meals?

Rosie Perera with:
Re-Elect President Obama =
Dems repeat celebration!

View with:
Santorum =
A nostrum.

Larry Brash with:
The American film director Jason Russell =
Man's certified ill or he's just more carnal?

Larry Brash with:
Professor Charles G Waugh, University of Maine =
He is person of very few, curious, light anagrams.

Larry Brash with:
Malcolm Naden =
Call man "Demon".

Dharam Khalsa with:
Trayvon Martin =
Not vain martyr.

Tony Crafter with:
His Royal Highness Prince Henry of Wales =
Harry's pining for Chelsy alone. He wishes!

David Bourke with:
The fashion designer Stella McCartney =
"Listen - my father, he's a narcotics legend!"

Ellie Dent with:
Sherlock Holmes creator, Conan Doyle =
Reckon he's one scholarly male doctor.

Meyran Kraus with:
World champion Sebastian Vettel =
This lad was never in bottom place!

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Esther Williams =
I smell waterish.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Arlene Dahl =
real handle


1st - Larry Brash with:
Old Spice Aftershave =
Splashed it over face.

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
How on earth to land ~
at London Heathrow???

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
EBay purchase =
A buy's cheaper.

Adie Pena with:
McMenu: Do-It-Yourself McDonald's Restaurant Recipes =
More crap used for countless nutty Middle Americans.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Grand National course, Aintree =
A trainer unethical to endanger so?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ponderosa State Park =
A trek past open roads.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Henryville, Indiana =
Ill end in heavy rain.

Adie Pena with:
The KIA Motors Corporation =
Import hot cars in Korea, too?

Maurice Goddard with:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints =
Steadfast choir's cheer is truth's joyful chant!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The PlayStation Vita ~
invites total apathy.

Tony Crafter with:
International Women's Day =
To nominate 'lady as winner'.

Ellie Dent with:
Apple's newest iPad =
It appeals: we spend.

View with:
The Heathrow Airport, London =
Another path to world on hire

Rosie Perera with:
The Super Mario Brothers video game =
Bet a hero triumphs or dies. Game over.

nedesto with:
Garden of Eden =
Need frondage?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Mattel's Barbie Doll ~
models a little B-bra.

Rick Rothstein with:
I label broad ~
a "Barbie Doll".

H.A.Downs with:
Enemy Expatriation Act =
Potent anxiety, America!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Peter Cruddas Foundation =
Idea - donate corrupt funds.

Meyran Kraus with:
Marlboro cigarettes =
Got terrible sarcoma!


1st - nedesto with:
Bessy the old Guernsey told Molly the heifer, "I've been artificially inseminated; it was done only about four hours ago!"
"Hogwash!" Molly said acutely, "I don't believe any of it for one minute."
Bessy raised her aged hoof, "It's entirely true - no bull."

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Three Richest Women in the World
1. Christy Walton
2. Liliane Bettencourt
3. Alice Walton
1. That truly content widow
2. L’Oreal heir, the eccentric one
3. Seen with the Walmart billions

eq3rd - David Bourke with:
Wonderbra, the sponsors of National Cleavage Day =
A darn lovely pair of breasts cease to hang on down!

eq3rd - View with:
The Encyclopedia Britannica will no longer be printed =
Cannot print & charge. Will be replaced by online edition.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Seuss hero, a free thinker, spoke to save a green fir slope from the axe threat to it.
"I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees. I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues."

Andrew Brehaut with:
I am getting my head shaved for the leukaemia cure =
United! Defeat me! Take my hair :-( Laugh more :-) Give cash ;-)

Tony Crafter with:
The World's Top Five Hottest Chillies
1. Naga Jokia
2. Red Savina
3. Scotch Bonnet Pepper
4. Pequin Pepper
5. Guntur Chilli

1. Buttock-clenching poll topper
2. Death-wish pepper
3. "Och, it's just vile!"
4. A squirt of hot appeal...
5. India's inner revenge!

Larry Brash with:
Fellatio is a sexual act in which the male places his penis in the mouth of another person
Oh, all I can expect to happen is that I'll feel a few sensations as I cum in his or her mouth, eh?

Rosie Perera with:
"The official, who did not want to be named because he's not authorized to speak to the media, said..."
But in fact he *did* meet, speak to, and seduce the media, with no hesitation! What a fool! Sod! A boozer!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Nineteen hued silkworms twist in the "Youth in Focus" race
The two most unlucky winners finished the course in a tie!

Rosie Perera with:
A friend who commutes with some mates every day through the Lincoln Tunnel recently complained about what a pain it was.
When he was done mumbling, I threw a witticism, pointed out reluctantly that he may have a case of "carpool tunnel syndrome."

Dharam Khalsa with:
Tacocopter aims to deliver tacos using unmanned drone helicopters =
No overshoot accident? A steep price! Dominos managers'll undercut it!

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
I started sending in anagrams and, wowie, the site shuts down. Is there a cause-and-effects relationship here, eh? =
Shhh??? Hide paranoia? It’s a great gift. I can see unseen reasons I don’t merit the sweet awards. Edicts flew—“SHUNNED.”

View with:
Iranian weapons help Bashar Assad put down Syria protests =
Tehran behind oppression, assailant supports a sad war way.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Why I started sending in anagrams, and, wowie, the site shuts down. Is there a cause-and-effects relationship here, eh? =
Shhh??? Why hide paranoia? It’s a great gift. I can see unseen reasons I don’t merit the sweet awards. Edicts flew—“SHUNNED.”

Rosie Perera with:
"I don't care what the unemployment rate is going to be. It doesn't matter to me." (Rick Santorum)
I make the statement to attract ignominy, disgust: Poor men with no career don't trouble me.

Rosie Perera with:
New York City is looking to ban the word "dinosaur" from tests, apparently over concerns it could bother creationists
Sorry, better not sanction words that imply evolution 'cos those real wiry crackpot Fundies'd go bonkers in reaction.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Sir Alex Ferguson, the manager of Manchester United Football Club =
Excellent to be him, or Reds fans grateful to fabulous man in charge.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Film NOIR: ordering mnemonic for the four types of data--nominal, ordinal, interval, and ratio=
Informal citation or aid morons depend on for faithfully retrieving non-random material.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Film NOIR. It's the ordering mnemonic for the four types of data--nominal, ordinal, interval, and ratio=
Morons depend on it (informal citation or aid) for faithfully retrieving the non-random materials.


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
A tweeter: Typing a million and a half dumb posts in a week to say he has no free time.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure."
Footnote: Behind many a dry man there's a pitiless female with a tongue like a wasp!

3rd - Larry Brash with:
"Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure."

Drunk: It is a feeble sweaty man who has got an immense appetite for daily ethanol.

Rosie Perera with:
Teetotaller: One man (maid) who is a puff; liking beer, yet doesn't sip any. What a shame!

David Bourke with:
Too true! (I sympathise, as a gentleman who likes a wee pint...and a fit, horny female!) - db

Rosie Perera with:
A lady who likes to do anagrams, to permute the finite alphabet anew in my finesse.

Meyran Krauswith:
Anagrammy fan base. The type of nuts who will note "I'd eat" in some phrase like "A diet". :)

Christopher Sturdy with:
A man to see up Lent,
At pains to be dry.
Oh, I imagine he made an effort.
We still ask 'Why?!'

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sin. A few people (female) say they abstained until marriage's oath; I don't know them.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A salesman. A mid-life pig who tries a ploy to make you want benefits then and there.

Christopher Sturdy with:
A sot with a few odd absinthes - I may see a little green man, a UFO or my pink elephant.

Adie Pena with:
A[Amended] Abstainer. The impotent male superego who thinks a lay isn't a way of life.

Dharam Khalsa with:
While a defeated-looking tawny lion, minus teeth, may "abstain" from a sheep repast.

Rosie Perera with:
Ab-stainer. Aye, I mean like when a fellow happens to get dirt on his fat tum someday?

Rosie Perera with:
AEntertainer. An amiable one who makes people laugh to satisfy demand. Why, it fits!

Maurice Goddard with:
Ah! Pity me. Despite a sneaky giant fond mania, I'll see no more of "What The Butler Saw"!

nedesto with:
I hate appealing to weed, ethanol, amiss females, and insanity, but they work for me.

nedesto with:
Harlot definition: A female peer who has always attempted kissing anyone but me.

View with:
No fun,
No merrymaking,
No fiesta.
We hate holiday, ball,
Hate pastime.
It's deep waste!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Indeed, my waning father pauses to look in at a sweet Playmate in heels, from habit.

nedesto with:
Idiot. A man, taken with games, whose failures appear met only by his need of talent.

Maurice Goddard with:
Adulterer. A nana who may keep on telling spited mean fibs to his stay-at-home wife!

Paul Pan with:
Stainer. A mean beady-eyed elf who tints the population with leaking foam smears.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Adamant. First male pioneer bug to walk on leafy pathways in its Eden homesite, eh?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Eaters: The kids on a sofa, along with the proud Pa, in between any family mealtimes.

Maurice Goddard with:
A demented granny: Kept fit in a home. Wets herself. Wails in a loo. May hit. Apes about.

Maurice Goddard with:
Yorkshireman. It was a plain fellow that often says "Ee bah gum" in a deep timed tone!

Adie Pena with:
Anagrammatist. As we identify a fine one who should happen to maybe like letters.

Maurice Goddard with:
A milkman. As a petty one, an eager arsehole that I found in bed with my topless wife!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Admiration: Any fan showing esteem. Why must that ideal appear to be like oneself?

Rosie Perera with:
Strainer. Implement the wife may use to wash kale foliage and potatoes in by hand.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Entertainer. If I'm posh see me on stage at a hit play, and if weak, a dumb show on telly.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Pessimist. We imagine he'd look both ways, and yet remain fretful, at a one-lane path.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A tightrope walker. I see a lad who may slip off any time, but the man needs a tension.

Ellie Dent with:
Thinker, The. A fine shaped statue, a manly pose, or maybe now a fellow is meditating?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sleepwalker. Oh, I find it's good entertainment as the oaf ambulates. I mean, why pay?


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
World's Greatest Drawings

18. The Parnassus
17. Two Sisters (On The Terrace)
16. Adam and Eve
15. Les Demoiselles d'Avignon
14. Starry Night Over the Rhone
13. Allegory of Age Governed by Prudence
12. Burning of the Houses of Parliament
11. The Crucifixion of Saint Peter
10. Diana and Callisto
9. House of Stairs
8. Massacre at Chios
7. Impression, Sunrise
6. Slave Market with the Disappearing Bust of Voltaire
5. Girl With A Pearl Earring
4. Dull Gret (Mad Meg)
3. Night Watch
2. Sistine Chapel Murals
1. Mona Lisa


18. Raphael's homage to the poet
17. Renoir's vivid portrait
16. Durer's tale of sin
15. Picasso's astute art twist
14. Van Gogh's nature image
13. Titian's three-headed human
12. Turner's raw fire
11. Caravaggio's essential work
10. Rubens' giant women
9. Escher's visual dementia
8. Delacroix's sad figures
7. Monet's French dawn
6. Dali's optical illusion
5. Vermeer's pretty lass
4. Bruegel's hellish anarchy
3. Rembrandt's play of light and shadow
2. Michelangelo's offering to the pope
1. Leonardo's enigmatic grin.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A senior walked into a supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in the greengrocery department told him they only ever sold whole heads of lettuce. However, the man was adamant and insisted that the boy ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Sir, some stupid old man wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."

As he was finishing his announcement, he turned around to find that the man was standing behind him, so he quickly added, "and this gentleman has just kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the transaction and the customer went on his way.

Later on, the manager said to the boy, "I was most impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we want people who can think on their feet here; where do you come from son?"

"New Zealand, sir," the lad replied.

"And why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there is nothing over there but prostitutes and rugby players."

"Is that right?" replied the manager, "My wife is from New Zealand."

"Really?" replied the boy, "Which team did she play for?"


The train was so full that the U.S. Marine had walked the entire length looking for a seat. But the only seat left was beside a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman who had her pet poodle sitting on it. The battle-weary Marine asked agreeably, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"

The French woman just huffed and said to nobody in particular, "Ha! ze Americans, they are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine then walked the length of the train and back, but still the only seat left was that taken by the pet dog. "Please ma'am, may I sit here?" he asked, "I am quite weary."

She snorted, "Ha! Not only are ze Americans rude, they're also very arrogant!"

The Marine did not say a word but simply picked up Fifi, lobbed the dog out the train window, then sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Help! Somebody has to defend my honour! Put zis American in his place!"

An Englishman seated nearby spoke up; "Sir," he said dryly, "you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread,
Then whipped them all soundly
And put them to bed
We now view this rhyme as abuse.
That odd, hapless matron honestly had no hope, and with no help at home, mummy's landed hot and bothered.

Too bad she didn't have the net...

nedesto with:
David was at a local beerhall when a beautiful woman walked in. The beerhall was very crowded and the only place to sit was next to him! Always a friendly guy, David courageously decided to strike up a conversation with this pretty new neighbor. But as soon as he had said "Hello, I..." she turned, screaming at the top of her lungs, "What kind of a person do you think I am?! Sod off, you pervert!!"

This caught him very off guard, as all of his friends were glaring at him for trying to molest this newcomer. He slouched down there on his stool, and looked at what may be his last drink here in a long time.

After a few minutes she said to him, "Hey, I'm sorry if that embarrassed you. I'm a Psychology student doing a study on what happens to an innocent person if falsely accused of something in public. Please don't take it personally. Shake hands?"

David looked at her, her hand stretched out, her eyes imploring and yelled out loud, "Five thousand bucks a night?! Are you crazy?!"


Late one Friday night a policewoman spotted a man driving erratically through the streets of Dublin. She pulled the man over and asked if he had been drinking.

"Why, so I have, lass; way too much. 'Tis Friday, ye know, so me and the lads stopped by a tavern where I had six or seven pints, a glass o' vodka, lots o' sugary rum, and a whisky sour. Then there was "Happy Hour"; I had something which they called mar-gar-itas which're great actually... suspect I downed four glasses o' the stuff. Afterwards I took me friend Angus and his son home and o' course I had to go in for a couple o' Guinness; can't be rude, ye know. Oh, and I normally stop on the drive home to get more whisky for later..." And the sot fumbled around slowly in his coat until he located a bottle of whisky, which he casually pulled out for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said bluntly, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."

Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Five Greatest Songs of All Time
(according to "Rolling Stone Magazine")

5. "Respect," by Aretha Franklin
4. "What's Going On," by Marvin Gaye
3. "Imagine," by John Lennon
2. "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction," by The Rolling Stones
1. "Like a Rolling Stone," by Bob Dylan
5. Battle cry to begin the feminist movement
4. Anti-aggression song challenging the Vietnam war
3. Global idealization, based on anarchy
2. Playboy Jagger's nearly frantic nightly obsession
1. Brooklynite's gentle confrontation in folk song

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ethical Dilemma

The doctor had sex with one of his female patients and felt very guilty about it all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear a reassuring internal voice in his head that said:
"Hush, don't worry. You're not the first male medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients, and certainly will not be the last. You're unattached, not a cheat. It's inevitable. Just let go of all the baggage, eh?"

Then, the gruff meddlesome voice in his head would shame him, leading with:

"But, Dr. Field, you are a veterinarian..."

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Arrogant Officer

A DEA officer stopped at a Texas ranch and talked with the old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Buddy, I have authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Fumbling in his rear pants pocket, the officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge!! This means I am allowed to go wherever I wish...on any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!!"
The older ranch man nodded politely and went about his yard chores.

A short time later, the rancher heard a shrill shriek, looked up, and saw the arrogant DEA officer running for cover, chased by Old Ironsides, the rancher's dominant expansive bull.

With every footstep an intimidating demon was gaining on the officer, and it seemed quite likely that he would get severely gored by the time he got to safety...if he even survived at all! The poor officer was clearly at a disadvantage.

The rancher dropped his axe, ran to the paddock fence, and yelled out at the top of his lungs...

"Your badge, him your darn BADGE!!

James H. Young with:
Preamble to the Declaration of Independence,

When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.


How to prepare and eat the classic hamburger

We'll deceive them and find some cheap fresh sawdust and mold into the shape of a small patty. Then we'll add some bread. Then burn cache on stove for nineteen hours until soft. Then accent the eats with one heap o' rotten lettuce. Top with hot toe cheese and pesto too. Serve a side of some fries, one pepsi, pickles, and some cocaine. Then eat ten an hour with each month in order to maintain quite healthy girth. Cheque!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Hive of bees
Brood of hens
Cast of hawks
Nye of pheasants
Dissimulation of birds
Congregation of plovers
Murmuration of starlings
Descent of woodpeckers
Pitying of turtledoves
Company of parrots
Flight of swallows
Skein of geese
Spring of teal
Herd of swans
Grist of bees
Swarm of bees
Hedge of herons
Siege of bitterns
Tidings of magpies
Covey of partridges
Ostentation of peacocks
Watch of nightingales
Unkindness of ravens
Parliament of owls
Colony of vultures
Host of sparrows
Brood of turkeys
Sord of mallards
Flight of bees
Wisp of snipe

Adie Pena with:
MITT (noun)
1. A type of glove that extends over the hand but only partially covers the fingers.
2. A mitten.
3. [Baseball] A large, padded, protective leather glove, usually with one sheath for the thumb and one undivided sheath for the remaining fingers, used by catchers and first basemen.
4. [Slang] A hand or fist.
MITT (name)
1. Hell's Willard Romney, the very thoughtless being and harsh bugger.
2. Unforgivably the detestable and brash U.S. veteran politician.
3. The hated and vengeful ex-Governor of the State of Massachusetts.
4. Voted offhandedly as the candidate for the Republican Party presidential nomination.

Rosie Perera with:
"If you haven't cursed out a New York Times reporter during the course of a campaign, you're not really a real Republican." (R*ck Sant*r*m)
"F*ck you, reporter! I'm sick of your damn crap, bullsh*t. You're an evil assh*le! I can guarantee your great important career won't endure."

David Bourke with:



1 Olivia
2 Lily
3 Sophie
4 Amelia
5 Emily
6 Jessica
7 Grace
8 Ava
9 Ruby
10 Mia


1 Harry
2 Jack
3 Oliver
4 Charlie
5 Alfie
6 Jacob
7 Thomas
8 James
9 Riley
10 Ethan




1. Kylie
2. Aleesha
3. Millie
4. Malaria
5. Tori
6. Peaches
7. Maya
8. Ivy
9. Britney
10. J-Lo


1. Steve
2. Eric
3. Giro
4. Raj
5. Jah
6. Amir
7. Jesus
8. Allah
9. Obama
10. Mey


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
[March marks the spring migration of some birds from Africa to Europe. Below, the poem Wild Pigeon is anagrammed into 4 poems following the imaginary route of such a bird.]

Wild Pigeon
Isaac McLellan

The Autumn day is fleck'd with gold,
As slow the twilight sun declines;
The western cloud's encrimson'd fold
With a surpassing beauty shines;
And as the deep'ning shadows creep
Athwart the glimmering landscape's breast,
And o'er the purpling mountains sweep,
The drowsy breezes sink to rest.
The roe buck to his dingle goes,
Where thick the wood its covert throws;
The red stag that had paus'd to drink
Beside the rivulet's plashy brink,
Exhausted flings his dappled side
Along the clear, pellucid tide.
'Tis then the pigeons seek the wood
To roost, a swarming multitude.

Deep in Wisconsin wilderness,
Or forests vast of Michigan,
The bending boughs their bosoms press,
The air their clanging pinions fan.
So great their numbers, hunters say
They bend the bough and break the spray,
And when their frighten'd myriads rise,
'Tis like the thunder of the skies.

Years since in forests of the East
They gather'd to the harvest feast;
They swarm'd by river and by shore,
In vast flocks flew the pastures o'er;
They swept innumerable the plain,
Gleaning the corn-seed and the grain;
Then, winging to some grove their flight,
Sought roosting-places for the night.

When emigration to the West
In eager emulation press'd,
And axe and plough and farmer's toil
Open'd the treasures of new soil;
And million acres of the wheat
Ripen'd in summer's fervid heat,
And bearded rye and yellow corn
Shook their bright tresses in the morn;
Then to those fields and pastures new
These emigrants on pinions flew.

When June with rose-red cheeks aglow
O'er banks wild strawberries doth strew;
When August on the sunny hills
With sweets the luscious blueberry fills,
And o'er the heated pasture pours
The blackberries in honey'd stores,
And ripens on the swinging vine
The grapes, like amethysts that shine--
Then to this ripe, abundant fare,
So sweet, the pigeon-flocks repair,
Sharing the never-cloying feast
Our Maker offers to the guest.


Spring Passage of the Turtle Doves

The Temple Mount in Jerusalem, Israel

The highbrowed crowds increasing by the hour
Go by the hundreds to that shrine and gem,
Drawn to the Western Wall's enduring power -
For its sound spell expels the dread in them.
Blessed wishes fill the sky, each word afloat
Where sadness underlines awe-filled devotion;
The trusting monologues within the note
Are means to draft this hidden Hebrew notion:
The anguished theists ask, with bated breath,
If He represses sickness... even death.

Central Athens, Greece

The Zappeion and hallowed Parthenon
Are perfect for a humbled delegation -
The buses keep arriving by the ton,
Amassing as one epic winged migration;
It goes amiss as seasons shift all year
In towns where idle warmth is downright rare,
But yours, O Greece, persists so purely here,
For Athens' gift is sunshine everywhere.
Greek goddesses sit passively, in grace,
To greet the masses praising their rich place.

Cathedral in the town of Assisi, Italy

The town might not be highly known, and yet
The wisest people with a bent for art
Cross lakes and walk with the intent to get
To chaste Assisi's striking depth and heart;
The brushwork of the splendid Giotto there
Intrigues with patterns filled with veneration
And wakes the artists' sudden need of flair -
The naves' mere lushness might prompt more creation.
Above these treats, the sky won't dare to frown;
Like nobles, it shall nurture that prime town.

Luxembourg Gardens in Paris, France

The happy cuddle on one wooden bench
By fetching ponds should often yield romance;
The dusks are sluggish, while the doting French
Press on, subsiding as they end their dance.
Friends cross the paths adorned with cheerful growth
And grasp the fountain's beauty there, in twilight;
Nearby, succumbing to its hold on both,
The lovers' murmurs spur some winning highlight.
Unbroken kisses spark so suddenly
If they are kisses in this garden glee.

The twist: When all of the S's are highlighted in the poem bodies, they depict the protagonist...

The highbrowed crowds increasing by the hour
Go by the hundreds to that shrine and gem,
Drawn to the Western Wall's enduring power -
For its sound spell expels the dread in them.
Blessed wishes fill the sky, each word afloat
Where sadness underlines awe-filled devotion;
The trusting monologues within the note
Are means to draft this hidden Hebrew notion:
The anguished theists ask, with bated breath,
If He represses sickness... even death.

The Zappeion and hallowed Parthenon
Are perfect for a humbled delegation -
The buses keep arriving by the ton,
Amassing as one epic winged migration;
It goes amiss as seasons shift all year
In towns where idle warmth is downright rare,
But yours, O Greece, persists so purely here,
For Athens' gift is sunshine everywhere.
Greek goddesses sit passively, in grace,
To greet the masses praising their rich place.

The town might not be highly known, and yet
The wisest people with a bent for art
Cross lakes and walk with the intent to get
To chaste Assisi's striking depth and heart;
The brushwork of the splendid Giotto there
Intrigues with patterns filled with veneration
And wakes the artists' sudden need of flair -
The naves' mere lushness might prompt more creation.
Above these treats, the sky won't dare to frown;
Like nobles, it shall nurture that prime town.

The happy cuddle on one wooden bench
By fetching ponds should often yield romance;
The dusks are sluggish while the doting French
Press on, subsiding, as they end their dance.
Friends cross the paths adorned with cheerful growth
And grasp the fountain's beauty there, in twilight;
Nearby, succumbing to its hold on both,
The lovers' murmurs spur some winning highlight.
Unbroken kisses spark so suddenly
If they are kisses in this garden glee. motion:

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Marty Robbins

Out in the West Texas town of El Paso
I fell in love with a Mexican girl.
Night-time would find me in Rosa's cantina;
Music would play and Felina would whirl.

Blacker than night were the eyes of Felina,
Wicked and evil while casting a spell.
My love was deep for this Mexican maiden;
I was in love but in vain, I could tell.

One night a wild young cowboy came in,
Wild as the West Texas wind.
Dashing and daring,
A drink he was sharing
With wicked Felina,
The girl that I loved.

So in anger I

Challenged his right for the love of this maiden.
Down went his hand for the gun that he wore.
My challenge was answered in less than a heart-beat;
The handsome young stranger lay dead on the floor.

Just for a moment I stood there in silence,
Shocked by the foul evil deed I had done.
Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there;
I had but one chance and that was to run.

Out through the back door of Rosa's I ran,
Out where the horses were tied.
I caught a good one.
It looked like it could run.
Up on its back
And away I did ride,

Just as fast as I

Could from the West Texas town of El Paso
Out to the bad-lands of New Mexico.

Back in El Paso my life would be worthless.
Everything's gone in life; nothing is left.
It's been so long since I've seen the young maiden
My love is stronger than my fear of death.

I saddled up and away I did go,
Riding alone in the dark.
Maybe tomorrow
A bullet may find me.
Tonight nothing's worse than this
Pain in my heart.

And at last here I

Am on the hill overlooking El Paso;
I can see Rosa's cantina below.
My love is strong and it pushes me onward.
Down off the hill to Felina I go.

Off to my right I see five mounted cowboys;
Off to my left ride a dozen or more.
Shouting and shooting I can't let them catch me.
I have to make it to Rosa's back door.

Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel
A deep burning pain in my side.
Though I am trying
To stay in the saddle,
I'm getting weary,
Unable to ride.

But my love for

Felina is strong and I rise where I've fallen,
Though I am weary I can't stop to rest.
I see the white puff of smoke from the rifle.
I feel the bullet go deep in my chest.

From out of nowhere Felina has found me,
Kissing my cheek as she kneels by my side.
Cradled by two loving arms that I'll die for,
One little kiss and Felina,



Out in Barns Green down in Horsham, West Sussex,
I had a duel with one ornery gent,
He was the cruel, one 'n' only El Puso
I came intent on a fight to the end.

There in an inn full of hillbilly yokels,
The ale looked like gnat's pee 'n' tasted the same
I arrived early to check on the venue,
Armed, set to kill, in this 'High Noon' endgame.

All of a sudden the door opened wide,
Someone came in from the night,
It was El Puso
Arriving with gusto,
The glint in his eye
Was a knife in my heart.

So I rose from my

Chair and I challenged him: "Show what you've got man,"
Down flew his hand, moving fast as a fox,
Before I knew it he delved in his bum-bag,
Drew out, like lighting... an old Scrabble box.

Just for one moment the whole room fell silent,
All I could hear was the beat of my heart,
Many words flew through my mind as I stood there,
I chose only two and I said them: "Let's start."

Before I knew it a table was cleared,
We both got chairs and sat down,
From my bag I took
My old Scrabble Wordbook,
He snarled, "Best of one."
My reply was a frown.

Then we each chose our

Tiles from the tile-bag, set them on tile-racks,
I looked at them once and got set to attack.

He tossed a coin in the air, and I cried "Tails!"
It came down heads and he sniggered, "First blood,"
He laid his tiles and he made 'FOXED' (for forty)
All I could make with my letters was 'MUD',

As we continued the game got more mean,
Puso played out of his skin,
I was still laggin' 'n'
My brain was flaggin'
While he laid words such as

Then at last I

Withdrew from the tile-bag the letter I longed for,
(Suffice to say, it's the one after 'P')
This only briefly revived my ill-fortune,
I also pulled out five 'I's and a 'V'.

A crowd had gathered, I heard someone giggling,
Puso was now fifty-five points in front,
I notched sixty-four off a great double-triple,
I took the lead, and I heard Puso grunt.

He tagged an 'S' onto 'CIVIC' and made
'CIVICS' to score thirty-two,
Though I kept smilin'
Inside I was rilin',
I now held four 'I's,
Two 'O's and a 'U'.

So in anger I

Voiced my annoyance, changed my f***ing letters,
Effing 'n' blinding so uncivilly,
Then, all in a moment of insanity,
Next thing, he'd finished and beat me by three!

From out of nowhere El Puso has won it,
Funny how fortune can dive in that way
I said, "You've got me, and I have to pay," he said
"Buy me a lager," so I said,

3rd - Mike Keith with:
[In the poem below all three stanzas are mutual anagrams. In addition, the first stanza is a word-length mnemonic for the first 22 digits of the golden ratio, phi (1.618033988749894848204...), the second stanza is a mnemonic for the first 26 digits of e (2.7182818284590452353602874...), and the third stanza gives the first 29 digits of pi (3.1415926535897932384626433832). The usual rule applies - 0 digits are represented by a 10-letter word.]

I marred a groaning silhouette,
saw dim abhorrent freedoms cemented forever,
till blackened paranoia bewitched this shadowed roof,
smashing my despondent soul.


In meadows I remember my orations:
a forecast of degraded love,
words cadential proceeding from Hades
to the heart now shrunk,
sublimated in helpless, binding hate.


You, a tree, a field overblown in summer,
words and looks gathered, solicited, chanced,
reminders now of the pleasing past
bathed in bright heat and sad memories for me.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sounds Of Silence
Lyrics by the duo Simon and Garfunkel

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools", said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls"
And whispered in the sounds of silence
The Sounds of Chickens

Hello pillow, my old friend
It's that sleepless time again
I'm wondering, turning, tossing
Why the chickens make their crossing
Is it a passionate intent or annual mode
Impelling them into the road?
I hear the sound of chickens

In restless dreams I lie alone
Wondering where the little peeps had flown
Do they mingle with the ganders
To flee from Colonel Sanders
And wanton men that are twisted and obsessed
With pale white meat breasts
I hear the sound of chickens

And in the dimming light I saw
Ten thousand fowls, maybe more
Bee-lining into every main highway
Avenue, residential street, and byway
Spanning lanes with no patrols or metal guards
Splat! all flattened by cars
And that's the sound of stillness

But the people hoped and prayed
For the eggs that won't be laid
As females are plummeting at top speed
They do not wish to be fricasseed
And fried with salt, pepper, and carrot
Their senses would not bear it
I hear the sounds of chickens

"Peeps", said I, "You do not know
You need to stroll a highway slow
If you do not look and see both ways
You'll get run down by a Chevrolet
And if you should get flattened by a Chev
We will dine on Chicken Kiev"
And I'll hear the sounds of chickens

nedesto with:
The Guide for the Complete Noob.

1. Post! But not too often.

Lurk a little until you get the the hang of things. But if you just lurk forever, you won't get any experience or feedback. So, yes, get out there and happily post some 'grams! But not too many all at once. The surest way to annoy the collective forum is to post several mediocre 'grams all in a row.

Not that all of your posts will happen to be mediocre rubbish, but you're a noob right? They're not all going to be winners unless you're already the World's Greatest Anagrammatist[TM]. (But then you wouldn't be reading this, would you Miss Freeman?)

If you must post several at once, it is better to place them into one single long post, titled: I had to post these all RIGHT NOW or I'd have pissed myself from the excitement!!!

Failure to follow this rule may result in snarky comments from all over the world. Well, mostly Australia and Canada.

2. If you see a good 'gram, look for a better one.

Apparently, some people who have just discovered anagramming software for the first time - be it a website like Wordsmith, or a program like Anagram Artist - seem to think that nobody else has ever used such amazing magical tools.

"Huh? Check this out! Can you believe it? 'The Garden of Eden' is an anagram of 'Gee! Darned hot fen!' I MUST share this discovery with the world!!"

Look, we all remember our first beer too, and we do share the enthusiasm of the ingénue. (We share it, but we don't necessarily like it.)

So please, just calm down and then read the FAQ, particularly the section on the Hallmarks of a Good Anagram.

3. Don't take it personally.

The anagramming community is small but talented; the members here literally are the world's greatest anagrammatists [not TM]. It isn't surprising if your fledgling efforts aren't anything quite up to par yet.

It is hard to discover an anagram worthy of NOMination. (No, "I NOM nation" isn't a good 'gram unless you are nedesto or rp.) It doesn't mean we hate you (well... depending...)

So refer back to rule #2; is it really that good an anagram or should I have searched for better ones? Don't take it personally or you'll inevitably end up leaving in a disgruntled huff, which no one wants (okay, sometimes we want that).

Remember rule #1 which is: Accept the things you can't change and change the things you can. Uh, sorry, that's the Serenity Prayer.


4. About the categories

GENERAL - The most worthwhile place for a noob to attempt a start. It’s all good; husbands, tattoos, snowmen... anything! The top three, at minimum, are considered "wins" (although only the first gets to compete in the year-end Grand Anagrammies). Sometimes a tie for third means four anagrams "win". Also, the Awardmaster's Choice Award is frequently given to fourth place. And sometimes both happen; five "wins" in GENERAL is documented. Generally speaking (no pun intended) shorter anagrams are favored in this category, more so than any other.

ENTERTAINMENT - If you discover a fortuitous anagram dealing with James Bond and the Mona Lisa, you're keystrokes away from a landslide win. Good luck!

TOPICAL - Due to the psychological phenomenon of "recency", anagrams toward the end of the month about the latest international events tend to be more favored.

PEOPLES NAMES - The less qualifiers the better. Titles and such are fine, but if you are trying to awkwardly anagram: "Tatiana, wettest swimsuit model who I twitter about"... well, unfortunately you'd better go back to the Hallmarks. (Still, go ahead and post links to the swimsuit girl anyway.) George Bush is always very popular here.

OTHER NAMES - Probably the smallest universe to anagram from, if for no other reason than that recognizability is key here. Naturally, anything about Apple or McDonald's is favored.

MEDIUM - Whoa! You're moving from amateurism up to semi-pro territory now! As you've got more than twice the letter-limit of the "short" categories, your 'grams should be accordingly tighter, or the result will be a lukewarm reception. Lukewarm at most.

ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE - These tend to be longer than the "short" categories, hence more challenging. But, admittedly, also a lot of fun. The NOMs tend to be a bit more generous too.

LONG - Jokes and top-ten lists usually rule the roost. The golden rule for top-end jokes is they have to be fundamentally funny.

SPECIAL - Not for the unadventurous! The top three are also "wins", but the competition is notoriously - skillfully - fierce.

RUDE - Do remember to post your offensively disgusting sexually-explicit vulgar filth about naked whoremongers in the right section. Especially if it has the "C" word; many regulars absolutely despise anything to do with Chomsky.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"The Hokey-Pokey" as Shakespeare would have written it
by Jeff Brechlin

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.
The Hokey-Pokey
Rosie needs fresh and shiny artwork;
Perhaps the men here can work and work,
Hence, redefine childhood TV nonsense,
This woman's inner vision to enhance.
Can we persevere and pass her test,
When Jimmy B. conveyed it best?

"I just can't keep up with the Nasdaq,
Who got sold and bought;
I've got to take my lunch break,
But I'll leave you with a little for thought.

Maybe it's all too simple
For our brains to figure it out;
What if the hokey-pokey
Is all it really is about?"

Tony Crafter with:
A good fairy was flying over the African plains one afternoon when she heard a soft crying below. She landed to investigate and saw a little yellow toad sobbing its heart out. The fairy asked him why he was crying.

"None of the other toads'll let me join in their toad games, all because I'm not green," he cried.

"Don't be sad," she smiled, and with a wave of her magic wand, turned the toad green. The toad admired himself delightedly, but was surprised to see that his willy was still yellow.

He asked the fairy about it but she said, "I'm sorry, but there are some things a fairy just can't do. If you find the wizard, he can fix it for you."

The toad croaked a happy 'thanks!' and hopped off to see the wizard.

Feeling like an extra-good Samaritan, the fairy took to the skies again and soon heard more crying, but this time much louder. Down she flew, only to discover a pink rhino. Although she'd already guessed the answer, she asked why he was crying.

"None of the other rhinos'll let me join in their games, all because I'm not grey," he said. So, once again she waved the magic wand and turned it grey.

The rhino was happily examining himself when he saw that his willy was still a vivid pink. He asked the fairy about it and she said: "I'm afraid there are some things a fairy just can't do. If you find the wizard, he can fix it for you."

The animal burst into tears again. "But I don't know how to find him," he wept.

"Ah," said the fairy, pointing back across the plain, "that's simple. If you're off to see the wizard, you want to follow the yellow-pricked toad."


One day, a young snail inherited lots of money in his father's Will. He was so fed up with having his undignified reputation for being slow and inferior that he decided he'd get himself a fast motor car to compensate.

After checking out the market, he decided he preferred the nifty Japanese Hidari Fifty-Z, which was well-nigh the finest buy on the market, going from nought-to-sixty in just four seconds flat.

He headed off to 'Wheels 'R' Us', his neighborhood Hidari showroom, and asked about availability. The dealer was only too happy to assist him, especially after seeing his Platinum Mastercard and he assured him that he would have his car ready and waiting the following morning.

"Okay," agreed the snail, "it is a deal. But can you rebadge it for me as a Fifty-S? Just change the paintwork, alter the initial 'Z' to an initial 'S' and amend the badge at the back."

"Well, I guess so," sniffed the dealer, "but we'd charge extra. Why do you want it redone anyway?"

The snail smirked, "I am a high-flier, I can afford to pay the extra. The reason is, the 'S' stands for 'snail'. It is really important to me that everybody who sees me breezing past will know who is driving the car."

The salesman said, "Okay, fair enough, if this is how you want it, I'll do it," and so the deal was finalised.

The snail picked up his motor next day at the showroom and could be seen thereafter driving joyfully down the highways and byways in it. When he zoomed by, everyone would realise who it was and they'd look at each other and remark...

"Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

Adie Pena with:

by Marcella Remund

The seer was right to warn us,
beware the ides of March.
It’s a dangerous time, peering
through iced windows at the jeweled
tease of crocus and daffodil.
We've weathered another season
of deep-freeze, locked up tight
in muscle and mind. We're tired
of winter’s grey and gritty leftovers.
But this is no time to get careless,
toss a floorboard heater through
the beveled glass and go out,
where Spring flashes her flannel petticoat
embroidered in pinks and greens,
leaves us gaping, breathless,
in air still cold as a knife blade,
stripping off the down.



We all slept. Greed will make us
Reckless. "Read this at once.
There are things in it
Important for you to see."
Will we ignore the foreknowledge
In Artemidoros' letter?
Julius Caesar said, "The Ides of March
Have come!" The seer frowned,
"Ay, Caesar; but not gone."
Brutus' group of conspirators
Stabbed him to death. Offed.
Dragged. Snuffed in the Roman Senate.
Beware, Assad! March fifteen can be the end.
The dwindling Brazil dictatorship stepped down,
Fell, fled on that date. The whole restless world
Is revolving. We see serfs digging a deep grave.
The Syrian uprising has begun.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Prayer of the Procrastinator

I hesitate to make a list
of all the countless deals I've missed;
Bonanzas that were in my grip,
I watched through my fingers slip
The windfalls which I should have
Were lost because I over thought;
I thought of this, I thought of that
I could have sworn I smelled a rat,
and while I thought things over twice
another grabbed them at the price;
It seems I always hesitate
then make up my mind much too late.
A very cautious man am I
and that is why I never buy.

How Nassau and how Suffolk grew;
North Jersey! Statton Island too!
When others called those sprawling farms
and welcomed deals with open arms;
A corner here, ten acres there,
compounding values year by year,
I chose to think and as I thought
they bought the deals I should have
The golden chances I had then
are lost and will not come again
Today I cannot be enticed
for everything's so overpriced
The deals of yesteryear are dead
the market's soft and so's my head.
Last night I had a fearful dream
I know I wakened with a scream.
Some Indians approached my bed
for trinkets on the barrelhead
( in dollars bills worth twenty-four
and nothing less and nothing more )
They'd sell Manhattan Isle to me,
the most I'd go was twenty-three
The redman scowled: "Not on a Bet!"
and sold to Peter Minuit.
At times a teardrop drowns my eye
for deals I had , but did not buy;
And now life's saddest words I pen,



Perfect is the enemy of good

'Just Do It' blabs the sportswear seller
(Evidently not a thinker);
No time to strategise, old fella,
Embrace it all, hook line and sinker.
Results at all costs is wanted
Each move started, make sure you end,
Give an answer, don't be affronted;
Right or wrong, you must hit 'send'.
Enough time's wasted every meeting
Trying for the ultimate,
The indecision's self-defeating
Especially if the answer's late.
Rushing through a half-baked motion
Is the modern way of things
Each time I pause to hone a notion
Note how much delay it brings

'Good things come to those who wait'
Every boy learns this at school.
Though useful to pontificate,
Output is the hothead's rule.
'Fraid to tread, the angels dither,
Fast and rushed such was the fool.
Talk shall never leave us with a
Hope of coming out on top,
Everybody then come hither
Prepare, commit, improve then stop.
Oh why sweat with adding data
To cherish cream of the crop,
Since each day it's that bit later.
Harsh my dilemma, do I dally
Or ditch alpha and take beta
Why, by heck, I have to rally
When badly failing to decide;
How I want a worthwhile sally
And onward thus to battle ride.
This'd help when I'd a mess,
"You can run but can't damn hide!"
Oh wanton rashness I address
Unless an answer was in hand,
Voltaire's standby, more or less,
'End mad and bad' and understand,
Grim how hard to gram in rhyme
Odd terza rima's even worse and
That's the end. We say 'high time!'.


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A dildo serviced ~
divorced ladies.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Premature-ejaculator is seeking blonde hotty with ~
juicy lips, huge brea...

Ok... it doesn't matter now.

Later, eh?

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
To piss yourself laughing =
Hilarious puns... left soggy!

Maurice Goddard with:
A man's throbbing erection =
Grab a ten-inch moist boner!

Rick Rothstein with:
Masturbating often =
Burns fat (go at it men).

Christopher Sturdy with:
A dildo =
add oil.

View with:
Perform like a cute pornstar =
Fuck a partner's premier tool.

View with:
Menopause's ~
mean spouse.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Paris' Moulin Rouge =
Use girl up in a room.

Adie Pena with:
Loud fart =
Drat! Foul.

Maurice Goddard with:
Man got bare nuts fit ~
masturbating often!

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Blonde Bimbos =
boobs blind me

nedesto with:
Money shots =
Hot? No, messy!


Rosie Perera with:
Why, I'll find big expert man's whole written talent: ~

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