APRIL 2012 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2012

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
A security service =
Secrecy is a virtue.

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
About three-hour set lifespan =
The usual for phone batteries.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Please Do Not Walk On The Grass =
So let's go and spare the lawn, OK?

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
Campus demonstration =
Commies spout and rant.

Scott Gardner with:
A destrier =
Seat rider.

View with:
Lofty =
To fly.

nedesto with:
Raptors are ideal ~
aerial predators.

Wajeemba with:
Mechanical Engineering =
An elegance in chin grime.

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
He makes a tiger trap. =
He's a great pit maker.

Christopher Sturdy with:
A rude lout's ~
adulterous.

Adie Pena with:
A rehabilitation center ‡
Heroin? I can beat it later!

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
Market income =
Rent came, I'm O.K.

Rosie Perera with:
Airplane falling out of the sky =
The fanfare kills a young pilot.

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
Politicians' arses ~
are in capitols, Sis.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Please Do Not Walk On The Grass =
Let no park lawn get a sod's shoe.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Please Do Not Walk On The Grass =
What a green and spotless look!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Cleaning the garage =
Gee, gain a car length!

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
Met by a "No!"? ~
Maybe not.

Ellie Dent with:
The rousing hymn =
One using rhythm.

Rick Rothstein with:
A snide remark ~
earned a smirk.

Tony Crafter with:
World's production of methane gas =
Hot eruptions from a glad cow's end!

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
Prenatal Ms. =
Plans a term.

Rick Rothstein with:
One's parents =
Neat persons.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Scary theme =
They scream.

Andrew Brehaut with:
My teachers =
They scream.

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
Coed institutes ~
institute codes.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Selected for the jury service =
Let's decry justice forever, eh.

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
I'm anal about ~
ablutomania.

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
Agentic state =
It negates act.

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
Best psychological therapies? ~
Hot girls--cheap, sociable types.

Rosie Perera with:
Atrocities =
I.e., riot acts.

View with:
Stupefaction =
Inept at focus.

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
In the editing is its own reword. ~
It is good. Writers win in the end.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A trip down memory lane =
My moral tape on rewind.

H.A. Downs with:
Money spell =
Smell peony.

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
re: acting out ~
gut reaction.

Don P Fortier with:
Its the end of the world as we know it =
That there stinks. Wow, do I feel down!

Christopher Sturdy with:
The criminally insane =
Any illicit manners, eh?

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
Your anecdotage, old sirs? =
Recount solider days ago.

Rosie Perera with:
Prognostication ~
points to "no cigar".

Rosie Perera with:
A preacher's kid ~
heard Ark's epic.

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
Are holograms anagrams that aren't quite there? =
Heart harm alert! That's a mega-groaner question.

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
An ugly building. Do we call it "architorture"? ~
An ungodly blight. Caterwaul, or ridicule it.

Rosie Perera with:
What to do if someone posts an urban legend =
Be fooled. Go on Snopes. Ah, damn! It wasn't true!

Larry Brash with:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder =
No praise distinctly orders a crisis.

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
Drab past record =
Bad report cards.

Rosie Perera with:
Paranoid schizophrenia =
Oh, epic hazard in a prison.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
To "Scram!" is ~
ostracism.

Meyran Kraus with:
Unstable person =
A blunt response.

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
At no cost? ~
Not a Scot.

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
Chaos theory ~
charts hooey.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Springtime in a Small Town =
Melting snowman? It's April!

Larry Brash with:
Terrible puns =
Lines perturb!


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - nedesto with:
Top novels:
1. Anna Karenina
2. Madame Bovary
3. War and Peace =
1. Reawakened in a romance
2. A savvy mantrap
3. Bad Napoleon!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A masterpiece in the Louvre =
Perceive the true Mona Lisa!

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Titanic theme song 'My Heart Will Go On' =
I cry a gallon when I get to this moment!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Silent movie actor =
Is no vocal emitter.

Adie Pena with:
A night seeing Brel, ~
the Belgian singer.

Andrew Brehaut with:
"The Hunger Games" trilogy =
Right, go slaughter enemy.

View with:
Singer Joshua Ledet =
Judge: "This one's real!"

Christopher Sturdy with:
Heidi - a novel by Johanna Spyri =
Join any boy in Alps. I have herd

Ellie Dent with:
The Impressionist master ~
to paint his mere mistress?

Dharam Khalsa with:
The new movie "The Hunger Games" =
Teens' gig; however, human theme.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A viral YouTube video =
I overvalued you a bit.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The anniversary of the Titanic disaster =
It is the centenary of this sad narrative.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
North Koreans failed to launch a test missile =
So the leader can't nuke millions... so far, that is.

3rd - nedesto with:
Find Groening's spoiler? =
Springfield's in... Oregon!

Rosie Perera with:
April Fool's pranks =
So, plan for risk, pal.

View with:
Burma elections =
Troubles came in.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The April Fool's Day prank =
Fake dollar in party shop?

View with:
The Deportation of Bin Laden's Wives =
Pain...Those Brides of Evil not wanted.

View with:
Giorgio Napolitano =
Ongoing poor 'Italia'.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Trenton Oldfield =
London felt tired.

Rosie Perera with:
Random shootings in Tulsa =
Thus diagnosis: not normal.

Rosie Perera with:
Choirs singing Easter hymns: "Hallelujah!" =
Graham chanting: "Holy hell! Jesus is risen!"

View with:
Pope marks Easter with call for Syria to end violence =
Vatican to Assad: "We prefer 'no more kills' policy there."

Adie Pena with:
[1918-2012] Mike Wallace of "Sixty Minutes" is dead =
"Well, if it's my cue, I'd make an exit." So sad.

Andrew Brehaut with:
North Korean missile test =
Kremlin has interests, too.

Andrew Brehaut with:
North Korea's satellite launch =
Hello, a nuclear strike's on that.

Rosie Perera with:
Haroset plates are served ~
at the real Passover Seder.

Rick Rothstein with:
North Korea's satellite launch =
Link nuclear threat to 'asshole'.

View with:
Rocket launch =
Clutch, N. Korea!

Don P Fortier with:
The thirteenth on Friday moves main tax day =
I'm very afraid on that Monday the sixteenth.

Rosie Perera with:
"High risk" of severe weather in four states =
Envisage hour of freakish twisters there.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Objectolibertarianism =
Inimitable job creators.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Summit of the Americas in Cartagena, Colombia =
Chief Clinton image: mammoth carouse at a bar site

Dharam Khalsa with:
Air Canada Pilot mistakes Venus for oncoming plane =
Trauma of passengers in motion invoked a panic call.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Air Canada Pilot mistakes Venus for oncoming plane =
Or, alarm as men in a spin go unpack flotation devices.

Rosie Perera with:
Charles Wendell Colson dies =
A cross on his cell. Well ended.

Rosie Perera with:
National Park Week =
Walk in one; partake!

nedesto with:
Iran gathers data from U.S. drone =
It's dangerous drama for Tehran!

Ellie Dent with:
Britain's rainy days? =
I say Britannia's dry!

nedesto with:
The Egyptian's Farewell Intercourse Law =
As they will get creepier at funerals now!


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - nedesto with:
The top three child prodigies:
1. Mozart
2. Picasso
3. Pascal
=
1. Greatest composer
2. Artistic lad
3. Chap philosophized

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Catherine Middleton =
Thin, delicate, modern.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The RMS Titanic's Captain: Edward Smith =
White Star man has accident midst trip.

View with:
Giorgio Napolitano =
Ongoing poor 'Italia'.

Rick Rothstein with:
The Living Word ‡
Downright evil.

H.A. Downs with:
The Living Word ~
Given with Lord.

View with:
Charles Manson =
Can harm. No less.

Christopher Sturdy with:
PM David Cameron and his deputy Nick Clegg =
Craply managed divided men cock things up.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Robert Louis Balfour Stevenson =
Lubber, so I turn to sea for novels!

Larry Brash with:
Anders Behring Breivik =
Hi, big vain berserk nerd!

Rosie Perera with:
The American evangelist Dwight Lyman Moody =
I've made my calling my art: win heathens to God.

Rosie Perera with:
The famous Dutch painter Vincent Willem van Gogh =
Art-loving chap met violent end with gun. Such fame!

Scott Gardner with:
Mister Newton Leroy Gingrich =
Sorry, I elect no right-wing men!

Scott Gardner with:
Ron Ernest Paul ‡
Neutral person

David Bourke with:
The actor Nigel Havers =
That rare English cove!

Ellie Dent with:
Catherine 'Kate' Middleton ~
did tolerate the nickname.

Adie Pena with:
First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy =
JFK's really nice and tidy queen.

Dharam Khalsa with:
First Lady Michelle Obama =
Mrs. Doable Ethical Family.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A prescription for Viagra =
A prop for vain geriatrics?

2nd - View with:
Methadone =
Death on me!

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
The President of The United States of America =
This office - a person at a time endured the test.

Adie Pena with:
The new Facebook Timeline profile =
I'm of one reaction: "LIKE, eh? *bleep* WTF!"

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Transatlanticism =
RMS Titanic, aslant.

Ellie Dent with:
The ill-fated RMS Titanic =
Smart, it left land, hit ice.

Rosie Perera with:
The American Society of Transplant Surgeons =
Main story: I connect a spare heart, set of lungs.

Rosie Perera with:
Family Caregiver Alliance =
Face gravely ill in America.

Larry Brash with:
Stand Your Ground Law =
Draw your gun and lost.

Tony Crafter with:
Titanic Memorial Cruise =
Route mimics an ice trail.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Facebook Timeline =
Nice life, Bookmate!

Meyran Kraus with:
Facebook's Timeline =
No "likes" became of it.

nedesto with:
This necrotic culture's cause? Mainly hospitals! =
Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus.

Rosie Perera with:
The controversial "Make my Day" law of Arizona =
A safe law? A common zeal to invoke "Dirty Harry"!


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Top Five Most Useful College Degrees:

5. Education
4. Law
3. Computer Science
2. Business/Management
1. Medical Science
=
5. Can't do? Teach!
4. Confuse client in legalese; sue me.
3. Develop nice website.
2. Muscle success from ego.
1. I'm a patient--drug me!

2nd - nedesto with:
Top ranked films:
1. The Shawshank Redemption
2. The Godfather
3. The Godfather: Part II
4. Pulp Fiction
5. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
=
1. Freedom tempted Andy
2. Coppola hit
3. Kiss of Death
4. Wild fresh Tarantino breakthrough
5. The Gold, the Gunfight and the Epitaph

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." (Winston Churchill)
=
That's how urban legends spread. Uh-huh, we chatty fanatics will learn of the thing's correction too late.

Tony Crafter with:
THE TOP 5 MALE BONDING ACTIVITIES
5. Watching the game
4. Playing one-on-one sport
3. Fishing
2. Grilling
1. Grabbing a beer after work
=
5. Best with a gang
4. Best with a girl!
3. Go for a gentle picnic then!
2. Men love poking a barbie in the garden
1. I'm going for a sly pint (or 5!)

David Bourke with:
The Anechoic Test Chamber at Orfield Laboratories, Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA.
=
As I am put in this silent room, I hear (or cannot hear!) me a total absence of decibels!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Wingsuit man Gary Connery to jump 2,400ft without parachute in death-defying stunt.
=
An utter twit. Try might see jeopardy if caught out in an uncanny 20-40 mph gust of wind.

Rosie Perera with:
The family keeps bedside vigil as the singer Robin Gibb is in a coma after battling cancer
=
Big dilemma: if Bee Gees brother isn't "Staying Alive", sobbing fans circle, panic, take it hard.

Rosie Perera with:
"Diapers and politicians should be changed often -- both for the same reason."
=
"The smell is bad, abhorrent, atrocious, and happens to offend each nose," I dig.

View with:
"Diapers and politicians should be changed often -- both for the same reason." =
Unappealing fecal odor, bad scent and therefore booed. No sham - shit is shit!

Rosie Perera with:
"I'm not sure about these cookies. They don't look like you made them. No, no. They came from the local 7-Eleven bakery or whatever."
=
Ow! Romney ("Mr. Money") -- out of touch as ever. Oily ideas. Look, he vehemently knocked the best honourable treat. O let him eat cake!

Rosie Perera with:
"There is nothing more demanding than the taste for mediocrity." (Henri de Lubac)
=
I did cry, "Remind the men there: nice men that are nothing but so-so got a hard life."

David Bourke with:
Bert Weedon's tutorial 'Play In A Day Guide To Modern Guitar Playing'
=
Tune E-A-D-G-B-E.
Apply a digit to lined wood.
Strum angrily.
Tour in a year!

Rosie Perera with:
"Without memory, there can be no healing; and without forgiveness, there can be no future." (Desmond Tutu)
=
Oh, the true words begin to meet need, unite thoughtful ones to mercy in South Africa, even numb Rwanda.

Maurice Goddard with:
Attacking Mitt Romney's Mormonism would be political idiocy =
But ironically, NOT Mitt's mimed, oily, "no wisdom" crackpot image!

Adie Pena with:
"April One. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four." (Mark Twain)
=
We are the extraordinary author, a Tom Sawyer, who finds the worthwhile idea and Deep Southern Huck Finn pride in them.

Mey K. with:

"That's one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind" (The US Astronaut Neil A. Armstrong)
=
"Get real! That is a false, transparent prank on film, shot in a sound stage (A monumental moron)

Mey K. with:

"That's one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind" (The US Astronaut Neil A. Armstrong)
=
"Get real! That transparent prank is in a false film shot on a sound stage!" (A monumental moron)


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Here cometh April again, and as far as I can see the world hath more fools in it than ever." (Charles Lamb)
=
Aha, a chance of showers--
Perfect time to
Rest on a verandah.
I shall remember
Light rain, and also hail!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"Here cometh April again, and as far as I can see the world hath more fools in it than ever." (Charles Lamb)
=
Ah, April!
That magical month of
Chaste love, Easter cheer,
New life, horses, lambs,
Rain and...
Oh, dear.
Rain.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Here cometh April again, and as far as I can see the world hath more fools in it than ever." (Charles Lamb)
=
The Earth, a rare planet which has all manner of severe imbeciles, half-morons, arch-idiots and a goat.

David Bourke with:
Adie, from Manila,
Had a partner, Cilla.
Ah, he was tense!
Scorn! Shame! Hence,
She got a vibrator to fill her!

Rosie Perera with:
April showers bring more rain, a monster flood, fast avalanches, a certain headache. Hell, I hate them!

Linda CS with:
Hah! April first is the omen a fool craves to act insane, swab hell, dance a reel, and haemorrhage mirth.

Dharam Khalsa with:
April Fool's mischief: Who later recalled a grand "ha-ha"--even one time? Or, can't it be a harsh harassment?

Dharam Khalsa with:
As that enhanced April shower got so familiar,
One enhanced harvest shall become rather familiar.

Rosie Perera with:
After March, that done came in as a lion, left as a lamb, this April is one harsh hangover. We're cold here!

Rosie Perera with:
It has seven billion of them, or more in fact, as stated. Rich shah, charwoman, pagan leader; all are here.

nedesto with:
In last April Obama
Then chronicled drama
When he reveals
Target of Seals:
Horrific heathen Osama!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Remember, a man who has a faith loves a religion and feels Christ or Allah etc. can pardon their haste.

Dharam Khalsa with:
In April, I have faced more stress than I care to elaborate on. How shall I mend? The fresh anagram CHAL!

Ellie Dent with:
With each Spring comes a drama; heavier rainfall threatens the Earth. Oh, and I can see floral blooms.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Shall a familiar English writer for once remember he has not had a contraceptive sheath on as a lad?

Dharam Khalsa with:
April, that fair time after March, as he-men race balloons high overhead on the clear seasonal winds.

Adie Pena with:
All the horrible charlatans, a real ache in government, had ideas how to rip off the American masses.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A real hit as a writer, from an English hellhole in a sad March he bemoans a dearth of contraceptives.

Don P Fortier with:
Aha! A fair promise that he'll find more this November - watch near all the Congressional races ahead!

Dharam Khalsa with:
'Neath an apricot tree with fragile blossoms,
Inhale her aroma.
A hard frost came;
Hence, all vanished.

Dharam Khalsa with:
High alarm: After December it's over, as Earth has come to a sharp halt. An alien search will find no one.

Larry Brash with:
Oh Heaven! The April's Fools anagram can ensnare the old, irritable, chaotic Awardmaster himself, eh?

Rosie Perera with:
Ah, in April, the time came to cheer Christ ("Hosannahs!") and laborers give half of all we earn to dear Sam.

nedesto with:
O! In her pain, a harlot of Magdala shall race in where Christ's men fear to tread, as He climbs to Heaven.

Larry Brash with:
The Anagram website, I declared a haven for half-moron mental loonies, this has real hip characters.

View with:
One month after March in the calendar. Spring. More asses or oafs available. All with their 'headache'.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Oh, Charlie, the idea! A harsh sarcastic mood never won. Be a gentleman! After all, April is a fresh month.

Maurice Goddard with:
April's sore fear is: Blame Heaven's charlatan, that arch-fool the Lord! He created man in his own image!!

Ellie Dent with:
Oh, his fear alarms me rather: will each earthling react as me, and adopt behavior of the nonsensical?

nedesto with:
If he heard a nation of armchair ranters posting all their lame caca on the web, he'd marvel, "Assholes!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Easter Hare arrives and brings pale marshmallow hens, fine chocolate, and familiar toothache!

Adie Pena with:
Hear all these foolish, peevish characters in Anagram-land battle each other and aim for more wins!

Meyran Kraus with:
Heather Graham here. Heavens, sir!
It's nice to hear a fan this cool!
Call me, dear man - and BTW...
April Fools!"

Christopher Sturdy with:
O Almanac, he revealed a Bard's first act in common with his last.
Feel English patron a hero?
Hear! Hear!

Ellie Dent with:
So, he feels somehow, the madcap, rather irrational, half-mad behavior's increasing ... can threaten all.


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A LIST OF FAMOUS LAST WORDS

1. "I am just going outside and may be some time." Captain Oates
2. "Goodnight my darlings, I'll see you tomorrow." Noel Coward
3. "You must pardon me, gentlemen, for being a most unconscionable time a-dying." Charles II
4. "It is never too late for a glass of champagne." Anton Chekhov
5. "Mother, I'm going to get my things and get out of this house. Father hates me and I'm never coming back." Marvin Gaye
6. "Aw, no one's gonna shoot at me." Lee Harvey Oswald
7. "It's all been rather lovely." John Le Mesurier
8. "The car seems OK." Ayrton Senna
9. "Leave me alone, I'm fine." Barry White
10. "Just don't leave me alone." John Belushi
11. "Love one another." George Harrison.
12. "I'm so bored with it all." Sir Winston Churchill
13. "Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow." Steve Jobs
14. "Now comes the mystery." Henry Ward Beecher
15. "Go away, I'm all right." H G Wells

=

1. Hero who gave his life in Antarctica.
2. Playwright/composer orates his last monologue.
3.'The Merrie Monarch'. Jovial royal scallywag; sired a mind-boggling twelve illegitimate children. Wow!
4. Author enjoys one last bubbly.
5. "Momma, I guess I heard it through the grapevine."
6. Jack Ruby had other ideas...
7. Vague, Brit comedy-actor who was a gentleman to the last.
8. Not so. A loose steering-column seemingly let him down in San Marino motor race.
9. He gave a somewhat eggy command; then lost his first, last, and everything.
10. One lonesome Blues Brother. A major heroin overdose saw him off.
11. Beatle going to see his sweet Lord.
12. Woesome war-leader seeing no joy now, only much monotony.
13. Looks as if he may have seen a wondrous new invention in his last moments?
14. Clergyman about to meet the unknown.
15. F*** off!"

2nd - nedesto with:
A guy sees a little duck walking slowly by some railroad tracks, seemingly not able to fly.

He stops his car and puts the duck in the passenger seat and goes along the road, when a cop pulls him over.

"Don't you know it's against the law to drive loose birds around inside your car?" the officer asks the guy.

"Yes, yes, I know, sorry," the guy explains, "Only this duck cannot fly, so I'm going to take it to the zoo."

"Okay then," says the cop, and lets the guy go off with the duck.

The next day, the cop sees the guy again, and he still has the duck in his car.

Exasperated, he stops the guy, and says, "Look, I thought you were taking that duck to the zoo."

"Yes, I did," says the guy, "And now I'm taking him to the theatre."

=

This outrageously cute duck waddles into this store and chattily asks the clerk, "Hi, hi! You got any gwapes?"

The clerk says, "Huh? No."

The next day, the wee duck goes into the shop and asks, "Hi, hi! You got any gwapes?"

The clerk frowns visibly and says, "No! I told you I haven't got any grapes!"

The next day, the duck enters into the shop and asks, "Hi, hi! You got any gwapes?"

"No, dammit!" the frazzled clerk yells, "Now if I see you coming around this store again asking me about grapes, I am surely going to staple both of your idiotic little feet to the floor!!"

The next day, the duck waddles into the store and asks the clerk, "Hi, hi! You got any staples?"

The clerk says, "...Um...no..."

"Good!" says the duck, "Got any gwapes?"

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"What is a charitable heart? It is a heart that is burning with charity for the whole of creation, for men, for the birds, for the beasts, for the demons - for all creatures. He who has such a heart cannot see or call to mind a creature without his eyes becoming filled with tears by reason of the immense compassion that seizes his heart, a heart that is softened and can no longer bear to see or learn from others of any suffering, even the smallest pain, being inflicted upon a creature. This is why such a man never ceases to pray also for the animals, for the enemies of Truth, and for those who do him evil, that they may be preserved and purified. He will pray even for the reptiles, moved by the infinite pity that reigns in the hearts of those who are becoming united to God." --Saint Isaac The Syrian.

=

What is a grandmother? The title "Grandmother" is a real attainment. A grandmother is the worthiest of women. She has an innate combination of playfulness, laughter and love. She tolerates our crabbiness, encourages transitory hobbies, never criticizes heroic dreams of boyhood, but offers heartfelt praise for each success. She has the infinite patience of a teacher, sincerity of a true friend, tenderheartedness of a mother for her little baby--intuition too! She is the faithful hero, the host that we can visit, admire, respect, and love very much. Aye, a grandmother will always retain the most cherished place in the memory and heart. She is that noble feminine figure for whom we want every happiness--fiftyfold--for the happiness that she always brings to us. --Horatio The Ohioan.

Christopher Sturdy with:
"I cannot imagine any condition which would cause a ship to founder. I cannot conceive of any vital disaster happening to this vessel. Modern ship building has gone beyond that."
- Captain Smith, Commander of Titanic
=
"If I lost a huge cruise ship in the Atlantic, a centenary's an occasion I'd commemorate spoilt lives and show I'm hoping to find, then ban, anything dumb I did, avoiding a new unhappy event"
- F Schettino on Costa Concordia

Dharam Khalsa with:
Outrage as Egypt plans "farewell intercourse law" so husbands can have sex with DEAD wives up to six hours after their death
=

Westerners, wrought up about deprived sexual deviates' fantasies and last excuse for necrophilia, share, "What?! How ghastly!"

Adie Pena with:
April Fools' Day Classics: Top Ten Viral Pranks on YouTube
1. Gmail Motion
2. Penguins - BBC
3. Legend of Zelda Movie Trailer Premiere
4. Google Translate for Animals
5. Top Viral Pictures of 1911
6. IKEA HUNDSTOL Dog Highchair
7. The Secret Behind Nike Air
8. Being a Google Autocompleter
9. StarCraft Returns to Consoles
10. Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
=
1. Recognizing relevant gestures
2. All those big birds flying!
3. Popular video game has a gag
4. Cool android applications for barks, moos
5. 1911 silent films
6. Pet furniture in Australia
7. Collects famous athletes' breath in tanks
8. Got people like Michael to predict your search
9. Set on "Motion Overdrive"
10. Spaghetti grows on tree branches


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY


1st - Mike Keith with:
#1

It rained three autumn days, then close to frost
Passing from thence, a local tincture drew
With eye so practised in each form around:
Of wheels, and Mr. Rounding's neat post-chaise.

Living, the oak-leaf wreath his temples bound,
Which yields to men and angels pleasant fruit,
And where the vane upon its crest is bold,
With round completed on the grass it lay.

Roar forth a challenge in the world's despite,
Of a material creed and risen to heights sublime.
The neighbours at their shady doors swept clean,
Lost in the night, have ceased to pray for dawn.

The morn is cold. A whiteness newly-brought
Brings down the curtain o'er the play of life.

#2

When I, as fast as e'er my pen could trot,
As wandering lonelier than the Poet's cloud,
When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,
And russet cincture thy loose pale-tinged hair,

Wilt thou my cares forget in heaviness
And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries?
And will thy presence dim that glorious sphere,
So clear as in no face with more delight?

In scorching splendors that my earth-life burned,
At the round earth's imagined corners blow;
Standing with arms out-stretched and flower-like face,
Send out their inmates in a happy flow,

That hath over blue seas strayed in hope to find
This song of "Peace on earth, good will t'ward men,"

=
Herald One

O muse worn thin by chance's hellish hand,
Your poems base and foolish I disown;
Negate the dictum of the whitewashed stand
That tenet-honed recruits arranged alone.

Acclaim to hearts somewhere up in the chaff
This point profound to Rome, while given ways
Bend comic style to ease, unite and laugh:
Harpoon of kingdom's bitter-weather days

Forget now dormant scriptures, cunning tale,
For narrow, witless creeds their fools reveal;
Transplant its heart intact, let tongues prevail
Of sounder highs and teachings forged in steel.

Repel anew all childish myths portrayed,
As yet the blind watch-builder plies his trade.

Herald Two

As countless summers hereto passed away,
With potent love and moonlit gentle train,
The river white unearthed its silky spray,
Through contours of renown beset by pain.

Transformed between sun-legacies by thought,
Availed of pathways trimmed in nascent pine,
Outshone this earth of elsewhere-bordered haunts
Along this epic coil of loathing mine.

Men scrapped a doctrine grown of childish hate
That ere did go constrain this sudden glance,
And heretofore adored the guiltless fate
In principles of law and random chance

Around the wistful, lower hills of gray
Then thrice I heard the bells: 'twas Christmas day.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
[Here are 2 short poems about Fall and Spring, anagrammed into each other:]

Tree in the Fall

Great plants in leafy suits galore
Shed all, surprised by nasty rain;
November wind's ecstatic roar
Shall be its ode to Fall again.

=

A Lost April

A live ballet of roasting rays
Established April's yellow flare;
Nights, ending faster, turn to days
And cleaner scents imbue the air.

[As an extra twist, I've also *ambigrammed* these poems into each other, which means that one turns into the other if turned upside down. As opposed to previous Ambi-Anagrams, I'm attaching the original sketches as I'm just useless with PC drawing tools... I hope you can see them alright:]



3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Harry and Peggy met whilst on a singles cruise and Harry fell hook, line and sinker for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, he was delighted and immediately asked her out on a date when they got back home.

Within a couple of weeks, Harry had taken Peggy to dances, restaurants, concerts, movies and museums. By now, he had become sure that Peggy was indeed his soul mate and every date had seemed better than the last.

On the first month's anniversary of their dinner on the cruise ship, Harry took Peggy to a high-class restaurant. While having cocktails, he said, 'I guess you can tell that I am very much in love with you, and I'd like a serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get this box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I am a total golf nut. I play golf. I watch golf. I read about golf. In short, I eat, sleep and breathe golf. If this is going to be a problem, you'd better say now.'

Peggy took a deep breath and responded, 'Harry, that certainly will not be a problem. I love you just as you are and I'm also mad keen on golf; but, since we're being honest with each other, you need to know that for the past five years I have been a hooker.'

'Oh, I see,' Harry replied. He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, deep in thought, then he added. 'You know, it's probably just because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off.'
=

DATING IN THE SIXTIES

It was a hot Saturday evening back in nineteen-sixty, and teenager Rory was off to a first date with Peggy Sue.

He arrived at her house at seven o'clock and rang on the doorbell.

'Come on in!' invited Peggy Sue's mother as she greeted Rory. 'Take a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Orange juice? Coffee? Tea?'

'Coffee, please,' said Rory.

'So, what do you and Peggy Sue plan to do tonight; any idea?' she enquired, pouring the coffee.

'Oh, probably watch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the milk bar, maybe take a quiet walk on the beach too.'

'Peggy Sue likes to screw, you know,' announced Mum out of the blue.

'Really?' he gasped, eyebrows raised.

'Yes,' she said. 'When she goes out with friends, that's all they enjoy doing!'

'Wow! Is that so?' asked an incredulous Rory.

'Ooh yes!' replied Mum. 'As a matter of fact, she enjoys it so much she would probably screw all night if we let her!'

'Well, thank you for the tip-off!' Rory said as he began thinking about an alternative plan for that evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture in a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her fair hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.

She said a shy 'Hi' to Rory.

'Ok, have fun, you two!' mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a very dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

'The Twist, Mum!' she yelled angrily to her mother in the kitchen. 'The bloody dance is called the...Twist!'
Tony Crafter with:
ROMANCE
By
Edgar Allan Poe

Romance, who loves to nod and sing,
With drowsy head and folded wing,
Among the green leaves as they shake
Far down within some shadowy lake,
To me a painted paroquet
Hath been a most familiar bird
Taught me my alphabet to say
To lisp my very earliest word
While in the wild wood I did lie,
A child with a most knowing eye.

Of late, eternal Condor years
So shake the very Heaven on high
With tumult as they thunder by,
I have no time for idle cares
Through gazing on the unquiet sky.
And when an hour with calmer wings
Its down upon my spirit flings
That little time with lyre and rhyme
To while away forbidden things!
My heart would feel to be a crime
Unless it trembled with the strings.

=

THE ANAGRAMMATIST
By
William Wordsmith

Anagramming's a way of life,
Not meant to be a cause of strife
Or quirky craze pursued by geeks
To fill dull moments in the week;
Harsh are they who think this so, and
Even harsher when they crow, "Get
Real, you've other things to do!"

But fiddling with the alphabet
Leaves very little time in hand,
Oh man, why don't they understand?
Or see we might be budding poets, a
Dante, Wordsworth, Whyatt, Wilde,
Yet we are quietly shy and mild.

And if we're loons then we don't know it.
Collectively, we're highly styled,
Ready, at will, to do our thing,
Open wide our anagram wings;
Simple idioms, homilies, dramas,
The odd hit; we rehash anything,
In alphabetic panoramas;
Come on in, ooh, have a fling!

Ellie Dent with:
Lines on Titanic: Hardy

And as the smart ship grew
In stature, grace, and hue
In shadowy silent distance grew
the Iceberg too.

=

A new giant sailed that sorry night
Crew's maiden trip crossin' the sea
Unaware the end in sight
Could be this ocean tragedy.


Linda CS with:
The Scathing Nausic Lingle

Punce a time whilst scambling
along a wendling way,
warbling nausic lingles
To parse the rhyme of day

I slivvied in a squishel
emprattling my pride
while splatlets on my nattiness
bumbled up my stride.

My peekers angled sighways
'Who bungled me?' I bay.
'Who skid this risky squishel
along my wendling way?'

T'was sillig for a second
then a brachy voice interth
'Your nausic lingles scathe me
gerroff and wendle firth.'

'Who peaches me' I gargle
'Who pratts my nausic lingles?'
but never nother slight is slewn
Twixt bramblers and bingles.

=

Switch It, Swell Gig, Eh?

I'll anagram most anything from spam to poems it seems.
the challenge unimaginably galvanising teems

with discipline distilling gems, sublime equals absurd
watch well for likely matches, verse and spillikins of words

paraphrase synonymity, explore the syllabary
wondering what's cached within the language library

flawlessly stow letters, web the rhythm, glibly winning
the sudden nice advance by the shuddering final inning

why do we blog quirky poems with messages obscure
spanning and inciting a re verse subculture?

nedesto with:
As fast as thou shalt wane, so fast thou growest
In one of thine, from that which thou departest;
And that fresh blood which youngly thou bestowest
Thou mayst call thine when thou from youth convertest.

Herein lives wisdom, beauty and increase:
Without this, folly, age and cold decay:
If all were minded so, the times should cease
And threescore year would make the world away.

Let those whom Nature hath not made for store,
Harsh featureless and rude, barrenly perish:
Look, whom she best endow'd she gave the more;
Which bounteous gift thou shouldst in bounty cherish:

She carved thee for her seal, and meant thereby
Thou shouldst print more, not let that copy die.

=

That Hot Unheedful Shout Of Youth Afoot!

Elapsed, thawed moments while away the sand;
Vicariously should thou stem that march,
Endowing thee, unlike whole copy scanned;
Resembling thou? Oh, only thou in part!

Youth shows swathed newborn heroine unmatched,
Tomorrow's strengths yield of thee but a trace;
Heredity is but death's surface scratched,
Inscribed tho thou be on her flawless face.

Naive despair looks out as we try to
Genetically overshadow death;
Nostalgia showed them wanderlust that flew:
Immortal; tho strained mouths breathe last swooshed breath.

Conserved, fresh heartfelt fatherhood soothed thee;
Ensure thy shrine in youthful memory.

Dharam Khalsa with:
April Showers
by B.G. Desylva and L. Silvers

Life is not a highway strewn with flowers,
Still it holds a goodly share of bliss,
When the sun gives way to April showers,
Here is the point you should never miss.

Though April showers may come your way,
They bring the flowers that bloom in May.
So if it's raining, have no regrets,
Because it isn't raining rain, you know,
It's raining violets.

And where you see clouds upon the hills,
You soon will see crowds of daffodils,
So keep on looking for a blue bird,
And list'ning for his song,
Whenever April showers come along.
=
Spring, I beg you to stay
Please bring your primroses too.
O'er sweet flowery fields we'll play,
As the skies offer sunshine anew.

Spring, elusive moody child,
In lavish fashion of violet and white,
When robin choirs sing robust songs
And bold swallows take vigorous flight.

Spring, soothe our shivers
Relieve our homes of winter chills.
Abate rain, hail, and high whirling winds
And glorify the countryside hills.

Spring, we know you won't stay -
You need to leave 'til another year.
We'll always honour the season of May,
Which brings His blossoms most dear.

Adie Pena with:
ALWAYS MARRY AN APRIL GIRL
by Ogden Nash

Praise the spells and bless the charms,
I found April in my arms.
April golden, April cloudy,
Gracious, cruel, tender, rowdy;
April soft in flowered languor,
April cold with sudden anger,
Ever changing, ever true --
I love April, I love you.
=
ALWAYS AVOID AN APRIL FOOL

Grab a gorgon and mug the wife;
I have snagged April in my life!
April errors, April silly;
Muddled, hungry, willy-nilly;
April unnurtured, sorceress-old,
April pregnant princess, carcass-cold,
Ever wretched, ever so blue --
Oh, I hate April ... men, don't you?


THE RUDE CATEGORY

eq1st - Larry Brash with:
The menage trois ~
is to manage three.

eq1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A french kiss is something cute, but ~
fucking in the ass is so much better!

eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Loud fart =
Drat! Foul.

eq3rd - View with:
A Bond girl =
Bald groin

H.A. Downs with:
Hot lewd virgin =
Wild overnight.

Tony Crafter with:
The world's main methane gas producers =
Cows' arses might end our harmed planet?

nedesto with:
"Pardon me there, lady, but can I smell that cunt of yours?" ~
"You certainly can't!!"
"Do pardon me; the trash must be full."

H.A. Downs with:
Guys post ~
"Got pussy?"

Rick Rothstein with:
The aging porn star =
A spent organ, right?

nedesto with:
Bloodstained =
Sod a lot in bed?

Tony Crafter with:
The art of that gorgeous lapdancing temptress =
Hot gal cutie performs to get a gent's pants hard!

Dr Charles G Waugh with:
If erections are vigor optimism ~
afire. Impotence is vigor mortis.

HSP with:
Ladies' underclothing =
Old cunts had lingerie


The Anagrammy Awards