1st - Jason Lofts with:
Old age pensioner =
A person gone idle.
2nd - View with:
All the signs point to ~
the polling stations.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The ladies footwear =
'Twas a heel to die for!
Julian Lofts with:
Diapers =
RP's idea.
Josiah Winslow with:
Plagiarism =
Similar gap.
Adie Pena with:
Self-realisation =
Life is not as real.
Christopher Davis with:
Five finger discount ~
invited officer's gun.
Jason Lofts with:
The American elections =
Male choice entertains.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Absolute monarchy =
Churls obey, to a man.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Everybody wants to rule the world ~
yet Labour let red voters down. Why?
John Ramos with:
"Two for the price of one" sale =
We offer cheap loot in store.
Jason Lofts with:
Avant-garde fashion designers =
Having an idea for a gent's dress.
George Sicherman with:
So... a "Bengal tiger" is ~
a great big lioness!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Honesty is the best policy =
Set not to lie by his psyche.
Ellie Dent with:
Loaned footwear =
A 'two for one' deal?!
George Sicherman with:
General Relativity =
Alter given reality
Jason Lofts with:
Failed teetotalers try a ~
state of altered reality.
Josiah Winslow with:
General Theory of Relativity =
Learn the foolery; give it a try!
Ellie Dent with:
A lover's lament ~
meant all's over...
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Unpleasant odours ~
turn a nose up loads
Christopher Sturdy with:
Admit direct responsibility for your actions =
Sorry I did it if contrite mea culpa in sob story.
Dharam Khalsa with:
'I' before 'e', right? So, it's been defying us in 'weigh' or ~
'feisty heist on weird beige foreign neighbours.'
Larry Brash with:
Fair dinkum ~
if I am drunk.
Mark Huffman with:
Fruits and vegetables =
"Vegan's feast!" I blurted.
Rosie Perera with:
A lighthouse keeper =
Rough sea, eh? Keep lit.
Tony Crafter with:
Economy tip =
Money topic.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Lips detect a ~
spiced latte.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Debate preparation =
Appear to be trained!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The late singer Amy Jade Winehouse =
Ah, we enjoyed the genius's material.
2nd - Julian Lofts with:
The West Family:
1. Kanye
2. Kim Kardashian
3. North
4. Saint
=
1. "Shit, I'm a wanker!"
2. That flashy Armenian
3. Kid
4. Tyke (son).
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
'Brangelina' split =
Liberating plans?
View with:
Madonna, Beautiful Stranger =
Natural song, but a fine dream!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Game of Thrones =
Art of hegemons
Dharam Khalsa with:
The American television drama "Better Call Saul" =
It revealed talent similar to ambulance chaser.
Adie Pena with:
Shatner as Captain Kirk =
Hack's a pain in 'Star Trek.'
David Bourke with:
The French actress and singer Marion Cotillard
Contender for her Christmas card list: Angelina!
View with:
"The Magnificent Seven" =
Main scene - fight event
Jesse Frankovich with:
Can the Cubs really win the World Series? =
Well, worry slides in, but there's a chance!
1st - Mark Huffman with:
Hillary Clinton health issues =
It's not a hunch - she really is ill!
2nd - Christopher Davis with:
Arnold Palmer dead at eighty-seven =
All-star end. He dominated every PGA.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The US presidential debates ~
belied phrase: 'United States'.
Rosie Perera with:
Evacuations ordered in Florida =
Rain arrived to flood audiences.
Josiah Winslow with:
The Eleventh of September, Two Thousand and One =
The event: planes made both of the Towers undone.
Josiah Winslow with:
"You're going to have taco trucks on every corner" =
Take cover, country! No, gosh, you're overreacting!
Josiah Winslow with:
Saint Teresa of Calcutta's ~
fast status acceleration!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Mother Teresa declared a saint by Catholic Church =
Could be character, the charity, and those miracles.
David Bourke with:
Member of Parliament for Leicester East =
Intimate male escorts preferable for me!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Brexit means Brexit" =
Tax bribes enter mix
Rob Bretveld with:
Many feel silent Trump hate =
"He's temperamentally unfit!"
Jason Lofts with:
North Korea tests nuclear warhead =
Can nuke other areas, shatter world!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"What is Aleppo" (Gary Johnson) =
Ha, person's loopy with ganja!
Julian Lofts with:
The Syrian ceasefire =
Hey, I sneer, it's a farce!
Jason Lofts with:
The fearsome Gennady Golovkin =
Mean gloved fighter KO's anyone.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Basket of deplorables =
Fat blokes plebs adore
David Bourke with:
Mrs Clinton to drop out? =
Trump stood in control.
John Ramos with:
National anthem protests spread across NFL =
Stars sit. Cops deplore them. Anal fans rant on.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Hillary Clinton's recent bout of Walking Pneumonia =
Lone ailing woman put lot at risk before lunch in NYC!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Basket of deplorables =
Base, deportable folks.
Mark Huffman with:
Lisa Bardack, M.D., Hillary Clinton's private physician =
"Limp lady's sick!" I irritably snap. "Catch her! Load in van!"
Jason Lofts with:
Unrest in Charlotte, North Carolina =
The rancor unrolls at an ethnic riot.
Christopher Sturdy with:
A Trump act is one ~
storm in a teacup!
Julian Lofts with:
Trump's arcane idea is ~
"Americans are stupid!"
John Ramoos with:
National anthem protests spread across NFL =
Stars halt, sit, deplore mean cops. Fans rant, "No!"
Josiah Winslow with:
The Hillary Clinton / Donald Trump debates =
Bend truth a lot? She didn't really complain.
Rosie Perera with:
Trump doesn't pay taxes, ~
yet expats must. Pardon?!
Jesse Frankovich with:
The US presidential debate =
The detested pair is unable.
View with:
Hillary Clinton / Donald Trump debates =
Both normally prudent, ill candidates.
Ellie Dent with:
USA to choose Clinton or Trump =
It's our month's cartoon couple!
Tony Crafter with:
H. Clinton goads Trump in the Presidential debate =
Splendid test, but God help their American nation.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Presidential debate =
Bandit repeated lies.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Unemployment figures =
US money fleeing Trump.
Meyran Kraus with:
The upcoming American elections =
Gee, a Clinton-Trump choice is mean! :(
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
The Republican nominee Donald Trump =
Rich man under blonde toupee implant.
2nd - David Bourke with:
The former Baywatch actress Pamela Denise Anderson =
Noted for her dream "ample assets" in scanty beachwear!
3rd - View with:
Saint Teresa of Calcutta =
Salute to fantastic care.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Wayne Rooney =
Yon weary one
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Saint Teresa of Kolkata =
I talk to a forsaken East
Ellie Dent with:
Thomas Ford =
So, Mr Hot Fad!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Libertarian Presidential Candidate Gary Johnson ~
inhaled joints and ignored Syrian air battle recap.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Harold Bornstein =
"Don's a born Hitler!"
Christopher Sturdy with:
Arnold Daniel 'The King of Golf' Palmer =
Old legend got rank in hall of fame. RIP
Tony Crafter with:
The late US golfer Arnold Daniel Palmer =
The real deal - great pro and full-on smile.
Ellie Dent with:
Arnie Palmer =
Real name: RIP.
Rosie Perera with:
Israeli leader Shimon Peres =
A real loss here in demise. RIP.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sam Allardyce =
Scam all ready
Mark Huffman with:
Miss Universe Alicia Machado =
A vicious dame. She's a criminal!
Ellie Dent with:
Mister Shimon Peres =
Seen report; miss him.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Trump Foundation =
Impound that fortune!
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The State of Florida =
After heat, it floods
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The Apple Store Employee of the Month =
To help me to operate the phone myself.
Rosie Perera with:
'Depends' adult diapers =
Dad's pee and turd piles.
View with:
The American Express =
Me in extra-cash spree.
Rob Bretveld with:
The President of Mexico =
Hi, Don expects to fire me.
Jason Lofts with:
Iron Dome mobile all-weather aerial defense system =
Obliterated a few more enemy shells aimed on Israel.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Conservapedia.com is 'The Trustworthy Encyclopedia' =
So, can you respect the Democratic viewpoints? Hardly!
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Labour Party's NEC =
Alas put Corbyn there!
Rosie Perera with:
The Donald J. Trump Foundation =
Dolt put hand in "Me Too Fund" jar.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
BEST-SELLING SINGLES EVER
1. White Christmas
2. Candle In The Wind/Something About The Way You Look Tonight
3. Silent Night
=
1. Bing's massive Yuletide hit
2. Elton in hymn to 'England's rose'/Cute little song
3. Bing hits the heights with a carol we know
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
One evening, this grasshopper walked into a city bar, and the bartender guy said, 'We have a drink named after you!'
=
The grasshopper blinked, turned, cried: 'What? No! Get away! Say it again, friend ... you have a bar drink, one named Steve??'
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
George Orwell:
War is peace.
Slavery is freedom.
Ignorance is strength.
=
Ergo:
Passive aggression.
The weary farmers.
Record low intelligence.
Christopher Davis with:
In chemistry, a salt is an ionic compound that results from the neutralization reaction of an acid and a base.
=
Can I maintain that a little cation or anion can cause a hazardous shift in my blood pressure? Test Confirmed.
Jason Lofts with:
The six F's
Sources of infection and transmission methods
1. Food
2. Flies
3. Fluids
4. Feces
5. Fingers
6. Fomites (inanimate articles)
=
1. Fare in tins, if off
2. Small foes infest men's foods
3. Serum, ichor
4. Excreta (solid stuff)
5. One hand's digits
6. i.e. items, as in coins etc.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Five Favorite Add-Ons All Chrome Users Need:
1. Honey
2. Rapportive
3. Momentum
4. Boomerang
5. Awesome Screenshot App
=
1. See more hot coupons
2. Have person's info
3. Create fun dashboard
4. Type memo now, send later
5. Improve image, marvel!
View with:
Republican Party nominee for President of the United States =
D.Trump - he's a bitter, opinionated, frenetic, false type. One runs.
John Ramos with:
Standing Rock Sioux tribe protests Dakota Access Pipeline =
Picketers speak up: "No toxic oil tar on sacred sites, dingbats."
View with:
Gennady Gennadyevich Golovkin brutally stops Kell Brook in five rounds =
Englander's knocked out in London by Triple G. Heavy KO. Boy falls, surviving.
Jason Lofts with:
A brief tour of the United Kingdom, i.e.
- Northern Ireland
- England
- Wales
- Scotland
=
- Not Iire, we're told
- London
- Cardiff, also leeks
- Hunting tartan (made in Edinburgh)
Christopher Davis with:
"Alright, Mickeys a mouse, Donalds a duck, Plutos a dog. Whats Goofy?"
~
Schoolmate guys laugh, talk at dusk. Good campfire days in woods.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The planets:
Mercury
Venus
Earth
Mars
Jupiter
Saturn
Uranus
Neptune
and
Pluto
=
USA launch President Trump
Unreal!
(Just pay up to ensure that man never returns!)
Christopher Davis with:
Cop Who Shot Terence Crutcher Has History Of Drug Use, Domestic Disturbances =
Research this con's gun death which forces most to doubt security procedures
Adie Pena with:
How Clinton and Trump fared in the first presidential debate: ~
She went for it and did fine; the darn part-time Republican lost.
Christopher Davis with:
NASA Just Got A Huge Budget, And Orders, To Send People To Mars =
Astronauts persuaded to adapt - should go get "green men" jobs
Christopher Davis with:
Siesta Key residents concerned about recent wastewater controlled spill =
Our elderly town noted interest as sewer backsplatter incident coalesces
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game. - French philosopher Jacques Derrida=
Six Major Afflictions
One stiff growth.............. Tumor
Chafing spots................. Rash
Quite horrid sore............. Ulcer
Infects tots.................. Measles
The lethal epidemic........... Pox
A trend more fetid than these: ^
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
"A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and
the rules of its game." - French philosopher Jacques Derrida=
First letter's in trim, seldom large
Next comes in a fire, plus a charge
Third hides, lost, amidst except
The fourth: see smooth; quart; accept
Join aforeshown to finish off.
3rd (eq) - Josiah Winslow with:
A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game. - French philosopher Jacques Derrida=
Example: the tan child, who's soft as it is, unqualified for office, and can't listen to the slightest criticism from others, and the major exposure he gets from reporters.
3rd (eq) - Adie Pena with:
"A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game." - French philosopher Jacques Derrida
=
Lexicographer Junior for himself confirms:
It is the offices, schools that quite need.
Prints a terrific tome of text and terms;
Taught the masses how to spell and read.
Dharam Khalsa with:
A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game. - French philosopher Jacques Derrida
=
To me, a crime scene format that offers quixotic juxtaposition, riddles, false figures of speech, and withholds important things from the onset creates sheer thrill!
David Bourke with:
A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game. - French philosopher Jacques Derrida =
To the crux (from old Mr HSP): "An anagram post, short or Long, is rejected if the letters of each half of it are not equal. If it is imperfect, then it's dismissed, with no excuses."
Rosie Perera with:
"A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game." - French philosopher Jacques Derrida
=
"Ceci n'est pas une pipe." Error? No. Quixotic artist, Mr. Magritte (restless old fox), offends, offers that jest in the most horrific image, that of what he'd claimed he shuns. LOL.
Julian Lofts with:
"A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game." - French philosopher Jacques Derrida
=
Data shall inform the gestaltist question. Which French mesmerist from Algeria authored "Specters of Marx"? "Politics of Friendship"? Jested "there is no out-of-context"?
Jason Lofts with:
"A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game." - French philosopher Jacques Derrida
=
Phallogocentrism. "What's that?" I request. Just one extreme idea this philosopher (came from far-off Algeria) himself first did stress in the context of deconstruction.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game." - French philosopher Jacques Derrida
=
Fresh attempt at the old toxic cliche,
Quote from a journalist's dossier:
If the racist madman wins,
No remorse for gaffes or sins,
Then, I'd expect this fright, "Hell toupie!"
Christopher Davis with:
"A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game." - French philosopher Jacques Derrida
=
Disclaimer:
Wait professor - Are these specific chapters all on the next exam?
If I don't understand the question, might this school let me first forgo other major stuff?
Christopher Sturdy with:
A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game. - French philosopher Jacques Derrida =
It's Democratic aspiration,
Which requires some explanation:
To office hopes and aides she clung
- Exhorts fresh effort from her lung!
DJT tittle tattle from this mess.
Jesse Frankovich with:
"A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game." - French philosopher Jacques Derrida =
"A tax return is not quite real or existent if it doesn't conceal the specifics from a few gross thefts or some other higher sophisticated flimflams, heh?" - Donald J. Trump
Tony Crafter with:
"A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game." - French philosopher Jacques Derrida
=
Whether it is official forms or complex tax returns, I'd opt to read the small print, as I'm confident each of those filching, sequestering sods are there just to shaft me!
Rosie Perera with:
"A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game." - French philosopher Jacques Derrida
=
O, as a child, I'd first pen exotic secret mirror-messages with lemon juice, then see them sort of disappear (off). I light off a hot match and squint; the text returns, for LOLs!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Two Indian doctors were having a heated exchange in the hospital corridor. "Well, I say it's W-H-O-O-M!" yelled the first one.
"Nah, poppycock! It's W-H-O-O-M-B," challenged the other.
A passing nurse heard them. "Huh? Sorry, but you're both totally wrong," she said. "It's actually spelt W-O-M-B."
"Er... thank you, Staff Nurse Gallagher," said the first, "but we'll settle this ourselves - anyhow, we don't exactly think you're in a position to describe the sound an elephant makes farting under water!"
=
An urban cop on horseback says to a little girl on her push-bike, "Wow, honeybunch, did Santa bring you that?"
"Yes, he did," says the girl.
"He did? Well now, you'd best tell him to put a reflector light on it next year," he murmurs and, with a mean grin, fines her five dollars.
The child looks up at the cop and says, "Wow, what a nice horse you've got there, was it from Santa?"
The cop replies: "Sure was!"
"Well," says the girl, "next year, tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A man is in the hospital for a whole battery of tests.
The doctor comes in and tells him he has bad news and good news.
The man asks, "What is the bad news?"
The doctor says, "We're going to have to amputate both of your legs."
=
The defeated man collapses at the blow of the sad news.
When resting on a chair, he sobs, "Gosh, I'm afraid to ask - give me the good news."
The doctor, an optimist, says, "There's a man down the hall that wants to buy your boots!"
3rd - Jason Lofts with:
Actors Reportedly In The Running To Replace Daniel Craig as the new Agent Double O Seven
1. Tom Hiddleston
2. Idris Elba
3. Michael Fassbender
4. Luke Evans
5. Charlie Hunnam
6. James Norton
7. Jamie Bell
=
Re-engineered as James Bond persona?
1. Lean, muscular performance in Thor
2. John Luther (a black detective) in TV series in England
3. Magneto
4. Welsh
5. Cold Mountain
6. Heard has diabetes
7. Billy Elliot
Josiah Winslow with:
"Hillary Clinton and her campaign of Two-Thousand-Eight started the birther controversy. I finished it. I finished it. You know what I mean. President Barack Obama was born in the United States, period."
=
Incredibly, it happens he isn't born in Africa! Great, I didn't know!
On another hand, why don't I admit more obvious stuff?
* the sky is the color blue
* water is wet
* threats are threatening
* I am a dipshit on acid
Christopher Davis with:
"The politics of fear have brought us everything that we are afraid of."
-Dr.Jill Stein, US Green Party Presidential Candidate=
"I agree, sister! But perhaps together we can totally find faith, unity; defend our frail third planet."
-Chris Davis, Average Joe
Christopher Sturdy with:
I present the list of all seven Continents of the World:
Asia, Africa, North America, South America, Antarctica, Europe, and Australia
=
Donald Trump alienates each one
#NAME?
1st -
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
DATING IN THE SIXTIES
It was a warm Saturday evening back in nineteen-sixty, and teenager Harry was off to his first date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her door at seven o'clock and rang on the bell.
'Come on in!' invited Peggy Sue's mum as she greeted Harry. 'Take a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink?' she added. 'Coffee? Tea? An orange juice?'
'I'll just have a coffee, please,' replied Harry.
'So, what did you and Peggy Sue plan on doing tonight?' she enquired, pouring him a coffee.
'Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the diner, maybe take a quiet stroll on the beach afterwards.'
'Peggy Sue likes to screw, you know,' announced the mother out of the blue.
'Really?' gulped Harry, his eyebrows suddenly raised.
'Ooh, yes,' said the mum. 'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they ever want to do!'
'Wow! Is that so?' asked an incredulous Harry.
'Yes, it is!' replied mum. 'As a matter of fact, she enjoys it so much she'd probably screw all night long if we let her!'
'Hmm... well, thank you for that tip-off, Mrs Adams !' Harry murmured as he began considering an alternative plan for the evening.
A few moments later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture in a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her fair hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.
She said a shy 'Hi' to Harry.
'Have fun, you two!' said her mother as they left.
An hour later, a dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
'The Twist, Mum!' she cried angrily to her mother in the kitchen. 'The bloody dance is called the...Twist!'
=
The vicar asked if anyone in the congregation would like to offer the usual thanks for prayers that had been answered.
A lady rose from the end bench and walked briskly up to the podium.
"Yes, I would," she stated; "I have a huge 'Thanks' to express. You see, three months ago, my dear husband Gary O'Shea had an awful bike crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The injuries were so horrific that the doctors didn't know if they'd be able to help him."
Everyone heard a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the unutterable pain that Gary must have suffered.
"Gary was in agony, and unable to hug me or the kids, because every move caused him terrible pain. His disability was heartbreaking," she went on. "We all prayed fervently as the surgeons performed a delicate and exhaustive operation, and they were able to painstakingly piece together his barbarised scrotum, and wrap wire around it to keep it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the awful surgery performed on Gary.
"Now," she finished, her voice quavering emotionally, "Gary is out of hospital and the doctors say that in time, his crushed scrotum ought to recover completely. So, I just want to say, thank you Lord!"
All the men sighed with relief. Then the vicar rose and hesitantly asked if anyone else wished to say anything.
A man rose and hobbled gingerly to the podium. "Hello folks," he said, "I'm Gary."
The whole congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."
3rd - Christopher Davis with:
September Eleventh Two Thousand One
=
Then we spot trouble, death omens even = Unwholesome events; both penetrated = One low event - Detonate them, Pres. Bush! = Melt tower seven; no hope beneath dust = The hot steel beams open, venture down = Bereavement now, he told the upset son = Seen Bush plot there; vowed atonement = Our best men owe help on the vendettas.
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Don't shit where you eat =
You do that in the sewer!
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
As naked as on the day she was born
=
Sees booty, hardens and has a wank!
3rd - View with:
The adult diaper =
I'd halt a turd/pee.
Josiah Winslow with:
Genital =
A tingle.
Jason Lofts with:
Heavens, that's a big one said the actress to the bishop =
Gosh, heaven! The tip's in - as the abbess said to the actor.
Adie Pena with:
Hillary or Donald? =
Lady or li'l hard on?
Tony Crafter with:
A depilated scrotum
=
Dead testicular mop