901

YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND
By
Carole King

When you're down and troubled
And you need some lovin' care
And nothin', nothin' is goin' right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name
And you know, wherever I am
I'll come runnin'
To see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend

If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you'll hear me knockin' at your door

You just call out my name
And you know, wherever I am
I'll come runnin', runnin', yeah, yeah
To see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yes, I will

Now, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend
When people can be so cold?
They'll hurt you, yes, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don't you let them

You just call out my name
And you know, wherever I am
I'll come runnin', runnin', yeah, yeah
To see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yes, I will
You've got a friend
You've got a friend

Ain't it good to know you've got a friend
Ain't it good to know, ain't it good to know
Ain't it good to know
You've got a friend
Oh, yeah, now, you've got a friend
Yeah baby, you've got a friend
Oh, yeah, you've got a friend

YOU'VE FOUND A LOVELY FRIEND
An Ode
(Told by Lenny)

When you're in the hallway
And you see that I'm not there
And you feel that things aren't really right
Close your eyes and think of me
Knowing I'm out here somewhere
Open the door and look into the night

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll ignore you
And not give a damn
Winter, spring, summer or fall
I won't respond to your call
I'll ignore you, yeah
You've got a cat

Should the sky above you
Fall dark and I ain't home
I am out here stalkin' sneaky mice
No use you yellin'
Us bad dudes all need to roam
When I need food, I'll sneak back through the door.

Don't you yell out my name
'Cause you know wherever I am
Oh, I'll ignore you
And not give a damn
Winter, spring, summer or fall
I won't respond to your call
I'll ignore you, yeah I will
You've got a cat

Ah, it's good to venture out with feline friends
In search of baby birds to kill
Pooin' on our neighbours' gardens
And never, never on our own
But even if I'm busy...

You just yell out "Lenny!"
And you know wherever I am
I'll ignore you
And not give a damn
Winter, spring, summer or fall
I won't react to your call
I'll ignore you, yeah I will
Oh, you need a friend
But instead of that
Buddy, you have a cat

Ain't it good to know, you've got a cat
Ain't it good to know, good to know
Oh yeah, to know,
You've got a cat
Yeah, one fully-fed cat
One darling bundle of joy
Buddy, you've got a cat.

902

Daffodowndilly
by A.A. Milne

She wore her yellow sun-bonnet,
She wore her greenest gown;
She turned to the south wind
And curtsied up and down.
She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbour:
"Winter is dead."

North Carolina

The hued flowers are weatherbeaten;
And their thin heads hang low.
Thundershowers dowsed them,
When, oddly, we needed snow.
Indeed, they look sorrowful,
Done in, yet still young.
But, the 'Houdini' weeds rebound:
"Spring has sprung."

903

"Though April showers may come your way,
They bring the flowers that bloom in May,
So if it's raining have no regrets,
Because it isn't raining rain you know, it's raining violets."

When you see a big storm high over yon hills,
Thus, you know it can soon enhance fragrant frills,
Oh boy, it is very inspiring to me,
As a witty, ambitious, anagram-writing retiree.

904

May-Flower
Emily Dickinson

Pink, small, and punctual,
Aromatic, low,
Covert in April,
Candid in May,

Dear to the moss,
Known by the knoll,
Next to the robin
In every human soul.

Bold little beauty,
Bedecked with thee,
Nature forswears
Antiquity.

Knock-Out Rose

Thick dramatic blooms
On prickly stem,
Abundant perfume,
And I thank them.

On biannual Equinox,
They boldly flower,
But delicate leaves
Insects devour.

Yet, now I'll tend them,
And water I will ration.
Why? My early
Inspiration.

905

An Incomplete List of Things More Capable of Running the Country than the Current Government - Brian Bilston

A bollard. A thimble. A beef gravy granule.
A bilge pump. A plectrum. A Pokemon annual.
A doorknob. A chaffinch. An old rusty kettle.
A footbath. A clothes peg. A wine stain. A pebble.
A ceramic spoon holder. A fruit polo mint.
A discarded tissue. A puddle. Some lint.
A used toner cartridge. Some musical socks.
A build up of silt. A stuffed startled fox.
A plimsoll. A wingnut. A set of false teeth.
A novelty wall clock with the face of Prue Leith.
A beetle. A drumlin. A short piece of string.
A packet of Wotsits. A plant pot. Most things.

An Incomplete List Of Things More Interesting Than Keir Starmer:

Decaf tea. Turf. Ant and Dec. A leaf raker.
A sackful of offal. A humpback whale cloaca.
Goat phlegm. Combs. Toothbrushes. A purple pullover.
A catheter. Dartford. A toilet in Dover.
The Cones Hotline. Pallets at Milton Keynes Station.
A Britney Spears' Hits Twelve-Inch Mix compilation.
Football fans. Belgium. A foul dose of the clap.
Fungus. Lettuce. Ontario. Tin cans. Watford Gap.
Boils. Rusty old nails. A dripping old faucet.
Ann Widdecombe's bottom in an Ann Summers corset.
Teetotallers. A tub of lard. William Hague.
Punk played on the bagpipes. The bubonic plague.

906

Today
by Mary Oliver

Today I m flying low and I m
not saying a word
I m letting all the voodoos of ambition sleep.

The world goes on as it must,
the bees in the garden rumbling a little,
the fish leaping, the gnats getting eaten.
And so forth.

But I m taking the day off.
Quiet as a feather.
I hardly move though really I m traveling
a terrific distance.

Stillness. One of the doors
into the temple.

On this day, I lollygag in the silence,
Not venturing outside.
I don't like to get interference
From a mad world so wide.

Interruption might be inevitable;
I left my phone on airplane mode.
That may be the most sensible
For my modest abode.

After I sit tight in that stillness,
I hear a fly, a dog, a gull, a dove -
A smart quartet of lightness,
Worthy of my love.

Highlight. The goal of a stagnant day.

907

A police officer stopped a BMW, approached the driver's window and said, "May I have your license and registration, please?"

The driver said, "I don't have a license."

The cop asked: "Can I have the registration?"

"It's not my car, I stole it" answered the driver.

"A stolen car??" asked the cop.

The man answered, "Yes, but when I think about it, I remember finding the registration. It was in the glove compartment when I put the gun in there."

"A gun in the glove compartment???"

The driver said, "Yes, officer, I put it there after I killed the owner and threw the body into the trunk".

"Wow, a body in the trunk????"

"Yes, officer."

The officer immediately called it in, and his superior arrived quickly.

Within a few minutes, cops surrounded the car, and the top ranking lieutenant approached the driver's window. "May I have your license?"

"Yes, you may," answered the man, while handing over his license.

"Who owns this car?" asked the lieutenant.

"It's mine, officer. Here's the registration".

The officer said: "Would you please slowly open the glove compartment so I can see if there's a gun inside?"

"Sure, but there's no gun inside". There was no gun.

The police lieutenant asked, "Would you mind opening the trunk? I got information that there's a body".

"No problem", the driver opened the trunk, which was empty, except for jumper cables.

"I don't understand. The cop who called told us you don't have a license, you stole the car, there's a gun in the glove compartment, and a body in the trunk."

The man replied, "I'll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!"

I recently attended an in-person Inter-Religion Seminar at a resort.

The representative Christian Bishop came over, tenderly laid his hands over mine and pronounced, "By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!"
I politely said thanks, that I appreciate the support, but I'm a runner and have no documented handicap or issue. My leg function is quite sufficient.

Then, the unpretentious Rabbi came over, laid his hands upon mine and offered, "By the power of Hashem Almighty, you will walk today!" It was super-frustrating; however, I pointed out with appropriate respect that there is nothing wrong with me.

Then, the esteemed Mullah came over, took my hands and praised Allah, pronouncing, "You will walk today!"
It was irksome, so I snapped, "Nonsense, there is nothing wrong with me!"

Next, the enlightened Hindu devotee came over, concentrated, and volunteered, "I am certain that you will walk today."
I reiterated, "There is nothing wrong with me. I have no leg defect. You see, they are perfect!"

Then, the introspective Buddhist Monk came, took my hand in his and offered, "By the kindness of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!"
However, I rebutted that there is nothing wrong with me.

After the Seminar had concluded, I hurriedly emerged outside, disoriented, noting that my car had been stolen.

So perceptive! I guess I was an irreverent over-caffeinated skeptic, the cocksure critic with erroneous preconceived ideas; but, now I respect all the peaceful religious faiths as one.

908

'Elected' by Alice Cooper

I'm your top prime cut of meat
I'm your choice
I wanna be elected
I'm your Yankee Doodle Dandy in a gold Rolls Royce
I wanna be elected

Kids want a savior and don't need a fake
I wanna be elected
We're all gonna rock to the rules that I make
I wanna be elected

Elected
Elected, yeah
Respected, yeah
Elected

I never lied to you,
I've always been cool
I wanna be elected
I gotta get the vote
And I told you 'bout school
I wanna be elected

Elected
Elected
Hallelujah
I wanna be selected

Everyone in the United States Of America!

We're gonna win this one
Take the country by storm
We're gonna be elected
You and me together, young and strong
We're gonna be elected

Elected
Elected
Respected, selected, call collected
I wanna be elected

And if I am elected
I promise the formation of a new party
A third party, the wild party!
I know we have problems
We got problems right here in Central City
We have problems on the North, South, East and West
New York City, Saint Louis, Philadelphia, Los Angeles
Detroit, Chicago
Everybody has problems
And personally, I don't care.

'Re-Elected - Always My Destiny' by Donald Trump

The boorish toupeed one's back,
The world may now rejoice,
I wanna be elected!
A bleach-haired orange total tool with a whiny voice,
I wanna be elected!

Soon gonna make America great again,
I wanna be elected!
Got a bullet to my ear, fought on through the pain,
I wanna be elected!

Elected!
Elected, yeah!
Elected!
Re-elected!

Decrepit Biden's clapped out,
Kamala, have you seen her?
I wanna be elected!
A word-salad-spewing loony cackling like a hyena,
I wanna be elected!

Re-elected!
Re-elected!
Re-elected!
Re-elected!

Everyone in the United States Of America!

We're gonna win very bigly,
Destroy the no-chance Blues.
We're gonna be elected!
We'll make that Pelosi woman yesterday's news (for now),
We're gonna be elected!

Elected!
Elected!
Elected!
Re-elected!

When I replace that doddery, disorientated, physically
incontinent old fool in the White House (Obama's puppet),
I do promise, our stormy times are over! Trust Uncle Donny,
folks! My cult of personality. A dictator blatantly above
the Democrat donkeys' vitriolic politics?
I don't give a hoot.

909

Here are a few key points from Project 2025 (Pro-Trump proposal to "Reshape America"):

*Overhaul the way the FBI usually operates, end the term limit for the FBI head, who yellowly swears undue loyalty to the president.
*Shelve the Department of Education, ban "critical race theory", bury, burn or republish various "heathen" or "unholy" books (Eyre?), seek harsh punishments for anyone audacious enough to teach sex education to unruly youth.
*Assure that voter registration fraud and unlawful ballot tampering will remain federal offenses, neither investigated nor prosecuted.
*Defy progressive Biden-era policies addressing unusual weather changes, vanishing honeybees and deforestation, while redoubling untenable fossil fuel industries, thereby unheedfully withdrawing from further efforts to research alternative energy.
*Suspend cybersecurity efforts to assess mis- and disinformation. Hey, the busy federal employee's eye can't see what is true or what is hooey either.
*Reverse immigration policies to phase out work-visas which allow seasonal workers to cross the US border with Mexico; then isolate and indefinitely hold any "undesirable hoodlums."
*Reverse the ability to safely have abortions, inhibit funding of birth control as health care.
*Eliminate LGBTQ+ protections, remove offensive words like "sexual orientation" and "gender identity" from vital records.
*End ties with China, hush TikTok, eventually disentangling from all business endeavors.
*Reverse protections against discrimination in housing, hostilely selling off residences, a priority to a needy real estate investor, but highly lethal to the needy house owner.
*Offer amnesty for any hobby assault gun fanciers.
*Bid adieu to the unions of "yesterday's heyday" (youthful nostalgia)

Desiderata - Max Ehrmann

"GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."