Here are the winners for March 2001. This month's voting was marred by some technical glitches on our new server, when I failed to pass on some of the votes mid-competition. Alas. people who I did inform were unable to resubmit their votes before closing time. Richard Grantham and I will regularly test if it is working during the month and if there is so much down time, we will switch the email address back to my old one. Otherwise it has been an excellent competition with a couple of unexpected lead changes right at the end of voting. ---------------- GENERAL CATEGORY The standard here this month was exceptionally high. I had originally thought that mine stood a good chance, but finished back in 5th place behind some beauties. Janet selected another anagram here, but I suggested that her misandrist was superior and she went with my pick. Mey scored well and led throughout, but a boil over with the last batch of votes put Janet in the lead. 1st. Jaybur with: 26 The misandrist = It's men I'd trash. 2nd. Richard Grantham with: 24 Fire and brimstone = Bad time for sinner. 3rd. Meyran Kraus with: 23 A polygraph test = Goal: Trap the spy. ---------------- ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY This was a real one-sided contest where length did count. Richard G captured the rephrasing of this theme song flawlessly. 1st. Richard Grantham with: 53 Suicide is painless, It brings on many changes, And I can take or leave it if I please. = Sung, I believe, in "M*A*S*H" (a series set against epic conflicts and daily pain in Korea) 2nd. Meyran Kraus with: 32 Pirated Songs? = Napster is God. 3rd. Dan Fortier with: 26 Michael Douglas in "Traffic" = He claims a "drug affliction". ---------------- TOPICAL CATEGORY Always an interesting category, it was slightly quieter this month, the quality was still evident. This was very close with Rick Rothstein and Richard G never more than a few points apart and there were a few changes of lead. Richard opened and maintained a small lead on the penultimate day. 1st. Richard Grantham with: 41 Russell Crowe in 'Gladiator' = Result: I win real gold Oscar! 2nd. Rick Rothstein with: 39 Foot and Mouth Disease = Fate's too damn hideous! 3rd. Jaybur with: 26 Tony Blair may order a mass cull of sheep = Silence of lambs: oh, purely a drama story? ---------------- RUDE CATEGORY This was another category where my advice was sought on selection. Mey had two absolute gems here, both of which could win. It was a toss-up, but my choice was again successful. Mey is having a great year, with 11 wins in 3 months and 61 on the All Time Table. 1st. Meyran Kraus with: 43 A Ten-Inch Dick = Nice and thick! 2nd. Tom Myers with: 29 Tempting flesh, honey! = The length of my penis. 3rd. David Bourke with: 28 The 'oldest profession' - lots of red-hot penises! ---------------- SPAM CATEGORY I had a quiet month in the newsgroup, but I always like to have an entry in both spam categories. I was a little surprised how well this one did, as the competition was quite good. My 3rd win for the year and 51st all-up. 1st. Larry Brash with: 43 Consolidate all your Bills into One Monthly Payment Slash you credit card interest rates down to zero = More bloody rancorous spam! Who'll end it? Today's latest count is another ninety trillion deletes. Crazy! 2nd. Tom Myers with: 28 Problems with your credit? = Tom screwed it up horribly. 3rd. Richard Grantham with: 22 lanasintro.hypermart.net recently opened introduction/marriage agency provides you with match-making services! = Don't voice thy shite in alt.anagrams, You wiener-perves can lick my tempting crotch; End, end it -- or I rearrange your spam. ---------------- LONG SPAM CATEGORY David Bourke confided in me that he did not expect a win this month given the competition and despite the fact he had an entry in ever category (as he usually does). However, he had no reason to doubt himself. I was happy to get within 5 points of him. 1st. David Bourke with: 41 When you access the Internet, your computer keeps permanent hidden records of your activities! [snip] 2nd. Larry Brash with: 36 Make Your Money Work For You! [snip] 3rd. Dan Fortier with: 33 What if we could show you how to EFFECTIVELY add between 1" to 3" to your penis size [snip!] ---------------- LONG CATEGORY Like I said before, David's pessimism was not well founded. His Hail Mary can stand comfortably beside Richard B's and Richard G's earlier anagrams of this prayer. 1st. David Bourke with: 51 Hail Mary, full of grace, [snip] 2nd. Richard Grantham with: 43 STRATFORD-UPON-AVON: [snip] 3rd. Crash Davis with: 23 Anagrammy Awards voting [snip] ---------------- PEOPLE'S NAME CATEGORY Another very close contest! Mey looked like he would win by a small margin, but a great burst from Janet in the second half, pushed her into a small lead. Her second win this month gives her a total of 15 in the All Time Table and keeps here secure at 9th place. 1st. Jaybur with: 28 Wilfred Edward Salter Owen = War saddened writer fellow. 2nd. Meyran Kraus with: 26 Michelangelo Merisi Caravaggio = Sheer magical image via coloring. Eq 3rd. Rick Rothstein with: 19 Kate Winslet = Sweet talkin'. Eq 3rd. Mick Tully with: 19 George W. Bush and Tony Blair = Beware! Blood-hungry giants... ---------------- OTHER NAME CATEGORY Richard G and I nearly had a serious bet on the outcome of this high standard category. I said he would win, he disagreed and cited several potential winners. Although he led throughout, his lead was severely challenged by Pip Eastop's gem and Mey's fast finishing 'gram.. Richard jumped clear with the last 3 primary votes for an easy winner. 1st. Richard Grantham with: 38 Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei = The elite pure-racist Hitler-based Nazi association. 2nd. Meyran Kraus with: 29 The Space Station Mir = Estimate crash point. 3rd. Pip Eastop with: 28 London Chamber Orchestra = Brahms or Handel concerto. ---------------- SET CATEGORY This category has certain changed character in recent months with these longer, if somewhat contrived anagram sets. Three of them fought in out here, with Richard moving clear after a couple of days and increasing his lead as the contest continued. 1st. Richard Grantham with: 54 Five great composers whose surnames started with the letter B (as indeed so many of them did), in chronological order: [snip] 2nd. Meyran Kraus with: 39 Displaying all of the five nominees for Best Director: [snip] 3rd. David Bourke with: 32 Hereby listed, my considered personal choices of but five of the world's greatest known anagrammatists: [snip] ---------------- SPECIAL CATEGORY 8 special anagrams from 4 authors. Richard's hilarious rewrite of a poem was popular from the beginning. Sound performances from runners-up, David and Mike. Mike has had 3 wins this year and a total of 23 altogether. 3 wins for David for the month, gives him 4 wins for the year and now puts him ahead of Mike Keith in 6th place. 1st. Richard Grantham with: 38 ODE TO THE AMOEBA [snip] 2nd. Mike Keith with: 31 [An anagram of the first 8497 letters of the story "The Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka. The anagram obeys a second constraint inspired by the two quotations with which it begins.] [snip] 3rd. David Bourke with: 23 Dear friend, Would you like to receive every morning Italian news [snip] ---------------- THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY Our third running of this category brought a huge response from the group, such that we had to limit the number of entries to one each. Richard G was immediately popular here and was never in doubt. I was delighted to come in 3rd. It has been another Grantham month, like so many we saw last year. He was a little quiet in January and February, with archiving commitments keeping him busy. He has had 6 wins this month and is back in the lead of the All Time Winners Table with 66 wins. This month's poems was: O my love is like a red, red rose, That's newly sprung in June: O my love is like the melody, That's sweetly played in tune. 1st. Richard Grantham with: 41 You need my seed, my Lily raw, So ever hot like nettles; I'd love to surge within your jeans And smell the pinky petals. 2nd. Meyran Kraus with: 22 The US president so likely yelps: "O Mother! I'm in need! Give only twenty dollars - 'kay, just one - I really must have weed!" 3rd. Larry Brash with: 18 Sin, my heavenly violet jewel, Your arse stinks like a Pole. My nuts get twisted deep in Your red-hot and smelly hole. ---------------- AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE AWARD FOR THE BEST NON-WINNING ANAGRAM. Decisions, decisions! There were several strong possibilities this month including some of Mey's second places (General, People's Name and Other Names), Tom's Lower Back Pain (a favourite of mine), and Mick's People's Name entry. However, for sheer aptness and quality, Pip Eastop's gram was my choice. Pip Eastop with: London Chamber Orchestra = Brahms or Handel concerto.