1

  Ellie Dent

65  

A loyal dog = A good ally.

2

  Meyran Kraus

35  

The divorce felt rough when ~ we fought over the children.

3

  Tony Crafter

32  

"Pay it if I deliver Jesus Christ to a cross?" = Judas Iscariot's thirty pieces of silver.

4

  Richard Grantham

31  

A primary school string orchestra = Mostly I hear cat-scraping horrors.

5

  Christopher Sturdy

26  

Saving the planet = It's the vegan plan!

6

  Meyran Kraus

25  

The librarians = An irritable "Sh!"

7

  Brian Taylor

22  

Marxist teen = An extremist.

8

  Tony Crafter

18  

Some of the many perils of approaching old age = Peeing a lot; memory of a goldfish; on scrapheap.

9

  Rosie Perera

16  

Holding back tears = Blocking sad heart.

10

  Meyran Kraus

14  

The sins of the father ~ often shaft the heirs.

11

  David Bourke

9  

Something the cat dragged in = Mice and things got gathered.

12

  Ellie Dent

3  

We promote ~ to empower.

  Total points:

296 

from 50 votes

1

  Ellie Dent

43  

'Seascape' by Claude Monet = Ocean's calm, beauty's deep.

2

  Meyran Kraus

41  

Munch's Norwegian masterpiece painting 'The Scream' = An insane grimace when I'm reacting to Trump's speech?

3

  Meyran Kraus

40  

What's Garfield's main life goal? = "Fill a fridge with some lasagna!"

4

  Julian Lofts

33  

Roots: The Saga of an American Family = A montage of a male’s African history.

4

  Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

33  

Utopia by Sir Thomas More = A memoir about sophistry.

6

  Ellie Dent

28  

The Tolstoy masterpiece, War and Peace = A man wrote desolate yet epic chapters.

7

  Meyran Kraus

18  

The Van Gogh masterpiece 'Wheatfield With Crows' = That ripe-gold view's so fetching, we hear them caw!

8

  Ellie Dent

17  

Oscar winning actress Olivia Colman = Victor is also claiming crown as Anne.

9

  David Bourke

14  

The singer/actress Dame Olivia Newton-John AC DBE = See combined dances with John Travolta in Grease.

10

  Tony Crafter

12  

Walt Disney's animated motion picture 'Frozen II' ~ found Elsa in a midwinter trip to a misty ice zone.

11

  View

7  

Disney's 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' = They noted hideous Frenchman's back.

  Total points:

286 

from 49 votes

1

  Christopher Sturdy

44  

It ain't broke? Don't fix it = If it ain't OK, don't Brexit!

2

  Meyran Kraus

42  

Boris Johnson, Conservative Prime Minister of t... = Come on... Never. This joke? As in "British v...

3

  Ellie Dent

37  

A climate change protester = Greta: "Another ice cap melts!"

4

  Bill Dorner

33  

Make America Great Again = I make a migrant cage area.

5

  Meyran Kraus

31  

The September Eleven memorial in New York = Silently mark one event I hope we remember.

6

  Tony Crafter

25  

Anger, hysteria, mess = Theresa May resigns.

7

  Jesse Frankovich

23  

Undocumented persons = Ones Trump's denounced.

8

  Josiah Winslow

22  

The Mueller report about U.S. election meddling = Hello! Let me begin our outline: Trump's ...

9

  Meyran Kraus

16  

Earth's climate crisis = It's critical mass here!

10

  Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

14  

No-deal Brexit = Boxed in later.

11

  Jesse Frankovich

7  

Cohen's testimony = Con's honesty time.

  Total points:

294 

from 50 votes

1

  Valery Silivanov

39  

Hitler, a German = Real nightmare.

2

  Tony Crafter

37  

Melania Trump, Slovenia-born First Lady of the USA = Remains slavishly married to a petulant buffoon.

3

  Meyran Kraus

36  

The disgraced billionaire Jeffrey E. Epstein = Real creep dying in jail before he's testified.

4

  David Bourke

30  

Linda Louise Eastman McCartney = Stance is made on animal cruelty.

4

  Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

30  

Labour's leader Jeremy Corbyn = BoJo's really burned my career!

6

  Tony Crafter

29  

Victoria is Queen, and Albert her Prince Consort = Quite active as procreators; nine children born!

7

  Dharam Khalsa

25  

Greta Tintin Eleonora Ernman Thunberg = One teen bringing alarm to the errant UN.

7

  George Missailidis

25  

Donald Trump and Mike Pence = Pumpkin-Toddler and Menace.

9

  Meyran Kraus

19  

The UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson = One British joker (he's Trump's minion).

10

  Adie Pena

10  

Democrat Nancy Patricia D'Alesandro Pelosi = Correct a paralysed nation and mad policies!

11

  Jesse Frankovich

8  

The leader Vladimir Putin = Villain there aided Trump.

  Total points:

288 

from 49 votes

1

  View

44  

Flat Earth Society = Hey, it's total farce!

2

  Brian Taylor

41  

The Anglo-Irish Agreement = Remaining together heals.

3

  Tony Crafter

40  

Waterloo Station, England = Get a train, London to Wales!

4

  Dharam Khalsa

39  

National Geographic magazines = I gaze at charming lions on a page.

5

  Josiah Winslow

28  

Huawei Technologies Co. Ltd. = Go all out with Chinese code.

6

  Adrian Hickford

20  

Congestion Charge = Going here can cost!

7

  Jesse Frankovich

19  

Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) = I must find men coming to America to screen.

8

  Christopher Sturdy

18  

Multilevel Regression and Post-stratification = If true, poll stats indicate remain voters losing.

9

  Jesse Frankovich

17  

The US Department of Homeland Security = They often separated out mums' children.

10

  Ellie Dent

14  

The President of America = Imperfections are hated.

11

  Rosie Perera

11  

North American Scrabble Players Association = That is, many are barbaric spellers on occasion.

  Total points:

291 

from 49 votes

1

  Tony Crafter

41  

Guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and st... ~ The man answers: "Stress. Lots. You'd be drin...

2

  Dharam Khalsa

32  

Five Essential Qualities of a Great Leader: 1. C... = Trump's Issues: 1. Inadequacy 2. Ease of vacill...

3

  Meyran Kraus

28  

... = ...

4

  David Bourke

26  

Donald Trump, the worst-ever president of the U... = He spluttered out a damned massive torrent of ...

5

  Dharam Khalsa

23  

Ten Benefits of Having a Dog: 1. Love 2. Happine... = For a Dog: 1. A meal 2. Walks, frolics 3. Belly...

6

  Tony Crafter

21  

Adele's three largest hits (According to 'Billb... = 1. Singer telling her bloke he coulda had it a...

6

  Ellie Dent

21  

It is well known that The Children of Israel wa... ~ Lord, all grew hotter, dirtier, weary. Even th...

8

  Tony Crafter

20  

Some popular dancing moves of the 60s: 1. The ... = Common things that show you're 60: 1. Clucky ...

9

  George Missailidis

14  

Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi and the U.S. Pr... = Math genius, a tempered old Indian, and the du...

9

  Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

14  

United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland = I find broken nation trading under grim no-deal threat.

  Total points:

240 

from 41 votes

1

  Dharam Khalsa

35  

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him pro... = Man approaching a pup asked a farm kid, "Will ...

2

  Meyran Kraus

34  

"It is a well known fact that those people who ... = ...

2

  Dharam Khalsa

34  

"Everything is Light. In one of its rays is the... = The colors that shine as red, orange, yellow, ...

4

  Tony Crafter

21  

'Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is th... = ...

5

  Meyran Kraus

19  

"The excrement made physical contact with a hyd... = Which idiot in the lavish Notre Dame's extreme...

5

  Tony Crafter

19  

"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. Fr... = "Our formula for success? Persistence and luck...

7

  Tony Crafter

17  

"Now that we are able to fly through the air li... = "I wish, reader! But we foolish beings ravage ...

7

  Jesse Frankovich

17  

"We are looking at a society increasingly depen... = And as technology's finding the scene, We get...

7

  Adie Pena

17  

"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but e... = ...

10

  Adrian Hickford

9  

"There's a slight problem with the sweating bec... = "Oh, wait! I was telling white lies. It is th...

11

  Dharam Khalsa

5  

"Begin at once to live, and count each separate... = Feel love Be patient Don't stagnate Choose...

12

  Meyran Kraus

0  

"If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would 'fores... = I wish that my new year is: 2 Highs, 0 Ennui, 2...

  Total points:

227 

from 39 votes

1

  David Bourke

42  

Thirty ways to spot Americans traveling abroad:... = Thirty ways to spot Brits on holiday: 1. Gett...

2

  Dharam Khalsa

40  

New Medical Dictionary: Artery – The study of ... = Acupuncture - Enter a new User Pin Antrum - B...

3

  Tony Crafter

24  

Two Irish brothers, Pat and Cory McGough, had p... = An Irish daughter had not been home for two wh...

4

  Dharam Khalsa

18  

A silly but accurate guide on how to recognize ... = If everyone looks like: 1. Putin (ladies do t...

4

  Tony Crafter

18  

SENIORS' ROAD TRIP Whilst on a road trip, an ... = NO RELEASE A 75-year-old man was told by his ...

6

  Tony Crafter

14  

A tourist called at an antiques shop whilst hol... = I encountered this older woman at a club one n...

7

  Dharam Khalsa

10  

Ten of the Most Famous Paintings of All Time: ... = 10 Nude at faroff shore 9 Socialite in her so...

7

  Ellie Dent

10  

A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu h... ~ His Hindu friend agreed to swap with him. But ...

  Total points:

176 

from 30 votes

1

  Meyran Kraus

26  

I have a Bird in spring

2

  Tony Crafter

21  

THE REFLEX

3

  Meyran Kraus

15  

Fire-Flowers & Alteration

3

  Ellie Dent

15  

THE THINGS THEY SAY AT CHRISTMAS...

5

  Adie Pena

12  

JANUARY

5

  Adie Pena

12  

IT IS MARCH

5

  Adie Pena

12  

FOURTH OF JULY

8

  Tony Crafter

11  

MASTERPIECE

9

  Tony Crafter

9  

An elderly man...

10

  Meyran Kraus

7  

"I felt a Funeral, in my Brain"

11

  Dharam Khalsa

5  

Groundhog Day

  Total points:

145 

from 25 votes

1

  Meyran Kraus

31  

It's in her vagina? = She ain't a virgin!

2

  Adrian Hickford

28  

Those beautiful breasts = These fabulous bare tits.

3

  David Bourke

24  

The American First Lady Melania Trump = "The man I married? Simply a real fat cunt!"

4

  Dharam Khalsa

22  

Little doe walks in from the thatch, but states ~ "Well, that's the last time I do THAT for ten bucks!"

5

  Tony Crafter

19  

The Forum’s RUDE section = Centre for hideous smut.

6

  David Bourke

15  

Boris landslide = Brainless dildo.

7

  Christopher Sturdy

13  

In desperation for the bog = Need for a big shite, pronto!

7

  Meyran Kraus

13  

The elephant's genitals = A penis that's eel-length!

9

  Meyran Kraus

11  

Doing untimely shots at a party ~ may lead to shitting your pants.

10

  Christopher Sturdy

6  

Sneaky picture = Can eye up skirt.

  Total points:

182 

from 31 votes

1

  Ellie Dent

26  

A loyal dog = A good ally.

2

  Christopher Sturdy

13  

Saving the planet = It's the vegan plan!

3

  Tony Crafter

10  

"Now that we are able to fly through the air li... = "I wish, reader! But we foolish beings ravage ...

4

  Meyran Kraus

10  

What's Garfield's main life goal? = "Fill a fridge with some lasagna!"

5

  Tony Crafter

9  

"Pay it if I deliver Jesus Christ to a cross?" = Judas Iscariot's thirty pieces of silver.

6

  Dharam Khalsa

9  

"Everything is Light. In one of its rays is the... = The colors that shine as red, orange, yellow, ...

7

  Ellie Dent

8  

'Seascape' by Claude Monet = Ocean's calm, beauty's deep.

8

  Valery Silivanov

8  

Hitler, a German = Real nightmare.

9

  Jesse Frankovich

8  

"We are looking at a society increasingly depen... = And as technology's finding the scene, We get...

10

  Dharam Khalsa

7  

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him pro... = Man approaching a pup asked a farm kid, "Will ...

11

  Meyran Kraus

7  

The divorce felt rough when ~ we fought over the children.

12

  Meyran Kraus

6  

"It is a well known fact that those people who ... = ...

13

  Adie Pena

6  

"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but e... = ...

14

  Christopher Sturdy

6  

It ain't broke? Don't fix it = If it ain't OK, don't Brexit!

15

  Dharam Khalsa

5  

Greta Tintin Eleonora Ernman Thunberg = One teen bringing alarm to the errant UN.

16

  Dharam Khalsa

4  

Ten Benefits of Having a Dog: 1. Love 2. Happine... = For a Dog: 1. A meal 2. Walks, frolics 3. Belly...

17

  Tony Crafter

4  

Guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and st... ~ The man answers: "Stress. Lots. You'd be drin...

18

  Brian Taylor

4  

The Anglo-Irish Agreement = Remaining together heals.

19

  Meyran Kraus

4  

... = ...

20

  Bill Dorner

4  

Make America Great Again = I make a migrant cage area.

21

  David Bourke

4  

Linda Louise Eastman McCartney = Stance is made on animal cruelty.

22

  Ellie Dent

4  

It is well known that The Children of Israel wa... ~ Lord, all grew hotter, dirtier, weary. Even th...

23

  Josiah Winslow

3  

The Mueller report about U.S. election meddling = Hello! Let me begin our outline: Trump's ...

24

  Tony Crafter

3  

Melania Trump, Slovenia-born First Lady of the USA = Remains slavishly married to a petulant buffoon.

25

  Jesse Frankovich

3  

Undocumented persons = Ones Trump's denounced.

26

  Tony Crafter

3  

'Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is th... = ...

27

  Meyran Kraus

3  

Boris Johnson, Conservative Prime Minister of t... = Come on... Never. This joke? As in "British v...

28

  Meyran Kraus

3  

Munch's Norwegian masterpiece painting 'The Scream' = An insane grimace when I'm reacting to Trump's speech?

29

  Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

3  

Labour's leader Jeremy Corbyn = BoJo's really burned my career!

30

  View

2  

Flat Earth Society = Hey, it's total farce!

31

  David Bourke

2  

Donald Trump, the worst-ever president of the U... = He spluttered out a damned massive torrent of ...

32

  Tony Crafter

2  

Walt Disney's animated motion picture 'Frozen II' ~ found Elsa in a midwinter trip to a misty ice zone.

33

  Christopher Sturdy

2  

Multilevel Regression and Post-stratification = If true, poll stats indicate remain voters losing.

34

  Meyran Kraus

2  

Earth's climate crisis = It's critical mass here!

35

  Adie Pena

2  

Democrat Nancy Patricia D'Alesandro Pelosi = Correct a paralysed nation and mad policies!

36

  Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

2  

No-deal Brexit = Boxed in later.

37

  George Missailidis

2  

Donald Trump and Mike Pence = Pumpkin-Toddler and Menace.

38

  Meyran Kraus

2  

The librarians = An irritable "Sh!"

39

  Brian Taylor

2  

Marxist teen = An extremist.

40

  Rosie Perera

2  

North American Scrabble Players Association = That is, many are barbaric spellers on occasion.

41

  Richard Grantham

1  

A primary school string orchestra = Mostly I hear cat-scraping horrors.

42

  Tony Crafter

1  

Waterloo Station, England = Get a train, London to Wales!

43

  David Bourke

1  

The singer/actress Dame Olivia Newton-John AC DBE = See combined dances with John Travolta in Grease.

44

  Rosie Perera

1  

Holding back tears = Blocking sad heart.

45

  Meyran Kraus

1  

The September Eleven memorial in New York = Silently mark one event I hope we remember.

46

  George Missailidis

1  

Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi and the U.S. Pr... = Math genius, a tempered old Indian, and the du...

47

  Meyran Kraus

1  

The disgraced billionaire Jeffrey E. Epstein = Real creep dying in jail before he's testified.

  Total points:

216 

from 36 votes

1

  Dharam Khalsa

24  

New Medical Dictionary: Artery – The study of ... = Acupuncture - Enter a new User Pin Antrum - B...

2

  Meyran Kraus

11  

I have a Bird in spring

3

  Adie Pena

9  

IT IS MARCH

4

  Tony Crafter

9  

SENIORS' ROAD TRIP Whilst on a road trip, an ... = NO RELEASE A 75-year-old man was told by his ...

5

  David Bourke

8  

Thirty ways to spot Americans traveling abroad:... = Thirty ways to spot Brits on holiday: 1. Gett...

6

  Meyran Kraus

8  

Fire-Flowers & Alteration

7

  Dharam Khalsa

6  

Ten of the Most Famous Paintings of All Time: ... = 10 Nude at faroff shore 9 Socialite in her so...

8

  Tony Crafter

6  

THE REFLEX

9

  Tony Crafter

5  

A tourist called at an antiques shop whilst hol... = I encountered this older woman at a club one n...

10

  Adie Pena

5  

JANUARY

11

  Tony Crafter

5  

An elderly man...

12

  Ellie Dent

5  

THE THINGS THEY SAY AT CHRISTMAS...

13

  Dharam Khalsa

4  

Groundhog Day

14

  Tony Crafter

4  

Two Irish brothers, Pat and Cory McGough, had p... = An Irish daughter had not been home for two wh...

15

  Adie Pena

3  

FOURTH OF JULY

16

  Dharam Khalsa

2  

A silly but accurate guide on how to recognize ... = If everyone looks like: 1. Putin (ladies do t...

17

  Meyran Kraus

2  

"I felt a Funeral, in my Brain"

18

  Tony Crafter

2  

MASTERPIECE

19

  Ellie Dent

1  

A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu h... ~ His Hindu friend agreed to swap with him. But ...

  Total points:

131 

from 22 votes

1

  Tony Crafter

12  

The Forum’s RUDE section = Centre for hideous smut.

2

  Adrian Hickford

11  

Those beautiful breasts = These fabulous bare tits.

3

  Dharam Khalsa

10  

Little doe walks in from the thatch, but states ~ "Well, that's the last time I do THAT for ten bucks!"

4

  Meyran Kraus

9  

It's in her vagina? = She ain't a virgin!

5

  David Bourke

7  

The American First Lady Melania Trump = "The man I married? Simply a real fat cunt!"

6

  Meyran Kraus

6  

Doing untimely shots at a party ~ may lead to shitting your pants.

7

  David Bourke

4  

Boris landslide = Brainless dildo.

8

  Meyran Kraus

4  

The elephant's genitals = A penis that's eel-length!

9

  Christopher Sturdy

3  

Sneaky picture = Can eye up skirt.

10

  Christopher Sturdy

2  

In desperation for the bog = Need for a big shite, pronto!

  Total points:

56 

from 10 votes

High Standings