1001

The Question
By Rachel Annand Taylor

I saw the Son of God go by
    Crowned with the crown of Thorn.
'Was It not finished, Lord?' I said,
    'And all the anguish borne?'

He turned on me His awful eyes:
    'Hast thou not understood?
Lo! Every soul is Calvary,
    And every sin a Rood.'

No Answers

Father in Heaven,
Your Son
Who gave His life for ours
On the blood-stained wooden cross,

Faced with hollow, voluntary betrayal,
Hand-in-hand with Death...
Desolation...
And nothingness...

Miraculously resurrected,
The body not dying...

Quite a story...

1002

Last Train Home
LostProphets

One! Two! Three!

To every broken heart in here
Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared
She told me that it's all a part of the choices that you're making
Even when you think you're right
You have to give to take

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

I wonder if you're listening
Picking up on the signals
Sent back from within
Sometimes it feels like I don't really know what's going on
Time and time again it seems like everything is wrong in here

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

Well we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To never fall in love
To never fall in love again

The Train Shake-up Began
Me

I deal chaos!

One eerie time in Hatfield town,
An infant crying, ladies scream out in their gowns,
Hooter is out, trains steer out of route into the gutter.
An eye sees bleak, he heads home,
All the weeping for what?

Aggrieving the rail men,
Worsening, rotten,
Fool Tony privatises the trains.
And he makes a few
While his money grew,
Flog education too
But what else is new?

Now he gains
Overly big profits,
Now he gains
A movement of loot,
Now we gain
Avid insurrection,
Get set, war lit the sky!

British Rail was not ideal,
Then at least it was public.
Railtrack made one reel,
Now the train engines do not go out on time, fees are huge.
Oh yet why then, employees done out of their fair enough deals?

Aggrieving the rail men,
Worsening, rotten,
Fool Tony privatises the trains.
And he makes a few
While his money grew,
Flog education too
But what else is new?

Now he gains
Overly big profits,
Now he gains
A movement of loot,
Now we gain
Avid insurrection,
Get set, war lit the sky!

Now he gains
Overly big profits,
Now he gains
A movement of loot,
Now we gain
Avid insurrection,
Get set, war lit the sky!

Now he gains
Overly big profits,
Now he gains
A movement of loot,
Now we gain
Avid insurrection,
Get set, war lit the sky,
We throw out this ingrained Tory!

1003

[The following two sets of element abbreviations are "equal" in five different ways. No prizes for guessing the first:]

H Li B Al Si P S Ar Ti Cr Mn Cu Ga Br Rb Zr Mo Tc Cd In Sn Te Ba La Ce Nd Eu Er Tm Yb Hf Ta Re Os Au Hg Pb Po Rn Pa Np Cm Bk Cf Md Rf Sg Hs Ds
=
He Be C F Ne Na Cl Ca Sc Co Ni Zn Ge As Kr Sr Nb Ru Rh Pd Ag Sb I Cs Pr Pm Sm Gd Tb Dy Ho Ir Pt Tl Bi At Fr Ra Ac U Pu Am Es Fm No Lr Db Bh Mt

[The second is also fairly well-worn territory by now: atomic numbers on each side add up to the same number.]

H₁ + Li₃ + B₅ + Al₁₃ + Si₁₄ + P₁₅ + S₁₆ + Ar₁₈ + Ti₂₂ + Cr₂₄ + Mn₂₅ + Cu₂₉ + Ga₃₁ + Br₃₅ + Rb₃₇ + Zr₄₀ + Mo₄₂ + Tc₄₃ + Cd₄₈ + In₄₉ + Sn₅₀ + Te₅₂ + Ba₅₆ + La₅₇ + Ce₅₈ + Nd₆₀ + Eu₆₃ + Er₆₈ + Tm₆₉ + Yb₇₀ + Hf₇₂ + Ta₇₃ + Re₇₅ + Os₇₆ + Au₇₉ + Hg₈₀ + Pb₈₂ + Po₈₄ + Rn₈₆ + Pa₉₁ + Np₉₃ + Cm₉₆ + Bk₉₇ + Cf₉₈ + Md₁₀₁ + Rf₁₀₄ + Sg₁₀₆ + Hs₁₀₈ + Ds₁₁₀
=
He₂ + Be₄ + C₆ + F₉ + Ne₁₀ + Na₁₁ + Cl₁₇ + Ca₂₀ + Sc₂₁ + Co₂₇ + Ni₂₈ + Zn₃₀ + Ge₃₂ + As₃₃ + Kr₃₆ + Sr₃₈ + Nb₄₁ + Ru₄₄ + Rh₄₅ + Pd₄₆ + Ag₄₇ + Sb₅₁ + I₅₃ + Cs₅₅ + Pr₅₉ + Pm₆₁ + Sm₆₂ + Gd₆₄ + Tb₆₅ + Dy₆₆ + Ho₆₇ + Ir₇₇ + Pt₇₈ + Tl₈₁ + Bi₈₃ + At₈₅ + Fr₈₇ + Ra₈₈ + Ac₈₉ + U₉₂ + Pu₉₄ + Am₉₅ + Es₉₉ + Fm₁₀₀ + No₁₀₂ + Lr₁₀₃ + Db₁₀₅ + Bh₁₀₇ + Mt₁₀₉

1 + 3 + 5 + 13 + 14 + 15 + 16 + 18 + 22 + 24 + 25 + 29 + 31 + 35 + 37 + 40 + 42 + 43 + 48 + 49 + 50 + 52 + 56 + 57 + 58 + 60 + 63 + 68 + 69 + 70 + 72 + 73 + 75 + 76 + 79 + 80 + 82 + 84 + 86 + 91 + 93 + 96 + 97 + 98 + 101 + 104 + 106 + 108 + 110
=
2 + 4 + 6 + 9 + 10 + 11 + 17 + 20 + 21 + 27 + 28 + 30 + 32 + 33 + 36 + 38 + 41 + 44 + 45 + 46 + 47 + 51 + 53 + 55 + 59 + 61 + 62 + 64 + 65 + 66 + 67 + 77 + 78 + 81 + 83 + 85 + 87 + 88 + 89 + 92 + 94 + 95 + 99 + 100 + 102 + 103 + 105 + 107 + 109
[=2824]

[Thirdly, the digits of the above atomic numbers are also an anagram:]

1 3 5 1 3 1 4 1 5 1 6 1 8 2 2 2 4 2 5 2 9 3 1 3 5 3 7 4 0 4 2 4 3 4 8 4 9 5 0 5 2 5 6 5 7 5 8 6 0 6 3 6 8 6 9 7 0 7 2 7 3 7 5 7 6 7 9 8 0 8 2 8 4 8 6 9 1 9 3 9 6 9 7 9 8 1 0 1 1 0 4 1 0 6 1 0 8 1 1 0
=
2 4 6 9 1 0 1 1 1 7 2 0 2 1 2 7 2 8 3 0 3 2 3 3 3 6 3 8 4 1 4 4 4 5 4 6 4 7 5 1 5 3 5 5 5 9 6 1 6 2 6 4 6 5 6 6 6 7 7 7 7 8 8 1 8 3 8 5 8 7 8 8 8 9 9 2 9 4 9 5 9 9 1 0 0 1 0 2 1 0 3 1 0 5 1 0 7 1 0 9

[This is the largest possible set of element abbreviations that can possess the above properties, incidentally: 12 elements had to be dropped in order to make the total of every letter and digit an even number (thus able to be divided into two groups with identical letter and digit counts). Another set of the same size exists; I chose this one because it contains both the smallest (H) and largest officially named (Ds) elements.]

[Fourthly, it is possible to select an known isotope of each element such that the isotope numbers again add up. (Without going into too much detail, both for those who already know all this and for those whose heads are starting to spin, isotopes are different forms of an element - for instance, stable carbon-12 and radioactive carbon-14.) Each element with naturally-occurring isotopes is represented by its most common isotope (e.g. hydrogen-1 makes up 99.985% of hydrogen atoms), with one exception (⁹⁹Ru instead of ¹⁰²Ru); all other elements are represented by a known radioactive isotope, not necessarily the most common or stable.

The equivalence of both the atomic number sum and the isotope sum means that each group of isotopes below contains the same number of protons (2824) and the same number of neutrons (4078).]

¹H + ⁷Li + ¹¹B + ²⁷Al + ³²Si + ³¹P + ³²S + ⁴⁰Ar + ⁴⁸Ti + ⁵²Cr + ⁵⁵Mn + ⁶³Cu + ⁶⁹Ga + ⁷⁹Br + ⁸⁵Rb + ⁹⁰Zr + ⁹⁵Tc + ⁹⁸Mo + ¹¹⁴Cd + ¹¹³In + ¹²⁰Sn + ¹²⁶Te + ¹³⁸Ba + ¹³⁹La + ¹⁴⁰Ce + ¹⁴²Nd + ¹⁵³Eu + ¹⁶⁶Er + ¹⁶⁹Tm + ¹⁷⁴Yb + ¹⁸⁰Hf + ¹⁸¹Ta + ¹⁸⁵Re + ¹⁹²Os + ¹⁹⁷Au + ²⁰²Hg + ²⁰⁸Pb + ²⁰⁹Po + ²¹⁵Rn + ²³¹Pa + ²³⁴Np + ²⁴⁴Cm + ²⁴⁹Bk + ²⁵⁵Cf + ²⁵⁵Md + ²⁵⁵Rf + ²⁶⁵Sg + ²⁶⁴Hs + ²⁷²Ds
=
⁴He + ⁹Be + ¹²C + ¹⁹F + ²⁰Ne + ²³Na + ³⁵Cl + ⁴⁰Ca + ⁴⁵Sc + ⁵⁹Co + ⁵⁸Ni + ⁶⁴Zn + ⁷⁴Ge + ⁷⁵As + ⁸⁴Kr + ⁸⁸Sr + ⁹³Nb + ⁹⁹Ru + ¹⁰³Rh + ¹⁰⁶Pd + ¹⁰⁷Ag + ¹²¹Sb + ¹²⁷I + ¹³³Cs + ¹⁴¹Pr + ¹⁵¹Pm + ¹⁵²Sm + ¹⁵⁸Gd + ¹⁵⁹Tb + ¹⁶⁴Dy + ¹⁶⁵Ho + ¹⁹³Ir + ¹⁹⁵Pt + ²⁰⁵Tl + ²⁰⁹Bi + ²¹¹At + ²¹¹Fr + ²²⁷Ra + ²²⁸Ac + ²³⁸U + ²⁴⁶Pu + ²⁴³Am + ²⁴⁹Es + ²⁵¹Fm + ²⁵⁶No + ²⁵⁸Lr + ²⁶³Db + ²⁶⁰Bh + ²⁷¹Mt

1 + 7 + 11 + 27 + 32 + 31 + 32 + 40 + 48 + 52 + 55 + 63 + 69 + 79 + 85 + 90 + 95 + 98 + 114 + 113 + 120 + 126 + 138 + 139 + 140 + 142 + 153 + 166 + 169 + 174 + 180 + 181 + 185 + 192 + 197 + 202 + 208 + 209 + 215 + 231 + 234 + 244 + 249 + 255 + 255 + 255 + 265 + 264 + 272
=
4 + 9 + 12 + 19 + 20 + 23 + 35 + 40 + 45 + 59 + 58 + 64 + 74 + 75 + 84 + 88 + 93 + 99 + 103 + 106 + 107 + 121 + 127 + 133 + 141 + 151 + 152 + 158 + 159 + 164 + 165 + 193 + 195 + 205 + 209 + 211 + 211 + 227 + 228 + 238 + 246 + 243 + 249 + 251 + 256 + 258 + 263 + 260 + 271
[=6902]



[Fifthly, the isotope sum is also a digit anagram. (This is why a two-digit isotope of Ru needed to be chosen in place of a three-digit one - otherwise there would have been an odd number of digits.)]

1 7 1 1 2 7 3 2 3 1 3 2 4 0 4 8 5 2 5 5 6 3 6 9 7 9 8 5 9 0 9 5 9 8 1 1 4 1 1 3 1 2 0 1 2 6 1 3 8 1 3 9 1 4 0 1 4 2 1 5 3 1 6 6 1 6 9 1 7 4 1 8 0 1 8 1 1 8 5 1 9 2 1 9 7 2 0 2 2 0 8 2 0 9 2 1 5 2 3 1 2 3 4 2 4 4 2 4 9 2 5 5 2 5 5 2 5 5 2 6 5 2 6 4 2 7 2
=
4 9 1 2 1 9 2 0 2 3 3 5 4 0 4 5 5 9 5 8 6 4 7 4 7 5 8 4 8 8 9 3 9 9 1 0 3 1 0 6 1 0 7 1 2 1 1 2 7 1 3 3 1 4 1 1 5 1 1 5 2 1 5 8 1 5 9 1 6 4 1 6 5 1 9 3 1 9 5 2 0 5 2 0 9 2 1 1 2 1 1 2 2 7 2 2 8 2 3 8 2 4 6 2 4 3 2 4 9 2 5 1 2 5 6 2 5 8 2 6 3 2 6 0 2 7 1

1004

[Following is a list of Kentucky Derby winners, along with the year they raced and their winning time (times are rounded to whole minutes and seconds)]

2003 Funny Cide 2:01
1992 Lil E. Tee 2:03
1989 Sunday Silence 2:05
1976 Bold Forbes 2:01
1975 Foolish Pleasure 2:02
1952 Hill Gail 2:01
1951 Count Turf 2:02
1950 Middleground 2:01
1945 Hoop Jr. 2:07
1944 Pensive 2:04
1937 War Admiral 2:03
1935 Omaha 2:05
1927 Whiskery 2:06
1926 Bubbling Over 2:03
1916 George Smith 2:04
1909 Wintergreen 2:08
1895 Halma 2:37
1878 Day Star 2:37
=
2002 War Emblem 2:01
1999 Charismatic 2:03
1995 Thunder Gulch 2:01
1984 Swale 2:02
1978 Affirmed 2:01
1957 Iron Leige 2:02
1956 Needles 2:03
1955 Swaps 2:01
1947 Jet Pilot 2:06
1940 Gallahadion 2:05
1936 Bold Venture 2:03
1932 Burgoo King 2:05
1925 Flying Ebony 2:07
1921 Behave Yourself 2:04
1913 Donerail 2:04
1906 Sir Huon 2:08
1879 Lord Murphy 2:37
1875 Aristides 2:37

[(1) The horses names in each group are an anagram of each other:]
Funny Cide + Lil E. Tee + Sunday Silence + Bold Forbes + Foolish Pleasure + Hill Gail + Count Turf + Middleground + Hoop Jr. + Pensive + War Admiral + Omaha + Whiskery + Bubbling Over + George Smith + Wintergreen + Halma + Day Star
=
War Emblem + Charismatic + Thunder Gulch + Swale + Affirmed + Iron Leige + Needles + Swaps + Jet Pilot + Gallahadion + Bold Venture + Burgoo King + Flying Ebony + Behave Yourself + Donerail + Sir Huon + Lord Murphy + Aristides

[(2) The years that the horses in each group raced are an anagram of each other:]
2003 + 1992 + 1989 + 1976 + 1975 + 1952 + 1951 + 1950 + 1945 + 1944 + 1937 + 1935 + 1927 + 1926 + 1916 + 1909 + 1895 + 1878
=
2002 + 1999 + 1995 + 1984 + 1978 + 1957 + 1956 + 1955 + 1947 + 1940 + 1936 + 1932 + 1925 + 1921 + 1913 + 1906 + 1879 + 1875



[(3) The years in each group add up to the same sum (a nice round number, in fact):]
2003 + 1992 + 1989 + 1976 + 1975 + 1952 + 1951 + 1950 + 1945 + 1944 + 1937 + 1935 + 1927 + 1926 + 1916 + 1909 + 1895 + 1878
=
2002 + 1999 + 1995 + 1984 + 1978 + 1957 + 1956 + 1955 + 1947 + 1940 + 1936 + 1932 + 1925 + 1921 + 1913 + 1906 + 1879 + 1875
[= 35000]



[(4) The times of the horses in each group are an anagram of each other:]
2:01 + 2:03 + 2:05 + 2:01 + 2:02 + 2:01 + 2:02 + 2:01 + 2:07 + 2:04 + 2:03 + 2:05 + 2:06 + 2:03 + 2:04 + 2:08 + 2:37 + 2:37
=
2:01 + 2:03 + 2:01 + 2:02 + 2:01 + 2:02 + 2:03 + 2:01 + 2:06 + 2:05 + 2:03 + 2:05 + 2:07 + 2:04 + 2:04 + 2:08 + 2:37 + 2:37



[(5) The horses in each group have the same total running time:]
2:01 + 2:03 + 2:05 + 2:01 + 2:02 + 2:01 + 2:02 + 2:01 + 2:07 + 2:04 + 2:03 + 2:05 + 2:06 + 2:03 + 2:04 + 2:08 + 2:37 + 2:37
=
2:01 + 2:03 + 2:01 + 2:02 + 2:01 + 2:02 + 2:03 + 2:01 + 2:06 + 2:05 + 2:03 + 2:05 + 2:07 + 2:04 + 2:04 + 2:08 + 2:37 + 2:37
[= 38:10]

1005

[60 Melbourne Cup winners, including the very first winner from 1861. Times are rounded to the nearest second.]

1861 Archer 3:52
1865 Toryboy 3:44
1875 Wollomai 3:38
1876 Briseis 3:36
1878 Calamia 3:36
1885 Sheet Anchor 3:29
1889 Bravo 3:33
1896 Newhaven 3:29
1897 Gaulus 3:31
1898 The Grafter 3:30
1901 Revenue 3:31
1908 Lord Nolan 3:29
1909 Prince Foote 3:27
1916 Sasanof 3:28
1917 Westcourt 3:27
1921 Sister Olive 3:28
1923 Bitalli 3:24
1926 Spearfelt 3:22
1934 Peter Pan 3:41
1937 The Trump 3:22
1941 Skipton 3:24
1945 Rainbird 3:24
1951 Delta 3:24
1953 Wodalla 3:24
1959 MacDougall 3:23
1962 Even Stevens 3:21
1966 Galilee 3:22
1972 Piping Lane 3:19
1975 Think Big 3:30
1997 Might and Power 3:18
=
1864 Lantern 3:52
1866 The Barb 3:43
1868 Glencoe 3:42
1871 The Pearl 3:39
1877 Chester 3:34
1879 Darriwell 3:31
1887 Dunlop 3:29
1891 Malvolio 3:29
1893 Tarcoola 3:31
1899 Merriwee 3:36
1905 Blue Spec 3:28
1906 Poseidon 3:32
1907 Apologue 3:28
1911 The Parisian 3:28
1912 Piastre 3:27
1925 Windbag 3:22
1927 Trivalve 3:24
1928 Statesman 3:24
1931 White Nose 3:26
1935 Marabou 3:24
1942 Colonus 3:34
1943 Dark Felt 3:23
1955 Toparoa 3:28
1956 Evening Peal 3:20
1958 Baystone 3:21
1965 Light Fingers 3:21
1971 Silver Knight 3:20
1976 Van Der Hum 3:34
1989 Tawriffic 3:17
1996 Saintly 3:19

[Letters are an anagram:]
Archer + Toryboy + Wollomai + Briseis + Calamia + Sheet Anchor + Bravo + Newhaven + Gaulus + The Grafter + Revenue + Lord Nolan + Prince Foote + Sasanof + Westcourt + Sister Olive + Bitalli + Spearfelt + Peter Pan + The Trump + Skipton + Rainbird + Delta + Wodalla + MacDougall + Even Stevens + Galilee + Piping Lane + Think Big + Might and Power
=
Lantern + The Barb + Glencoe + The Pearl + Chester + Darriwell + Dunlop + Malvolio + Tarcoola + Merriwee + Blue Spec + Poseidon + Apologue + The Parisian + Piastre + Windbag + Trivalve + Statesman + White Nose + Marabou + Colonus + Dark Felt + Toparoa + Evening Peal + Baystone + Light Fingers + Silver Knight + Van Der Hum + Tawriffic + Saintly

[Years add up:]
1861 + 1865 + 1875 + 1876 + 1878 + 1885 + 1889 + 1896 + 1897 + 1898 + 1901 + 1908 + 1909 + 1916 + 1917 + 1921 + 1923 + 1926 + 1934 + 1937 + 1941 + 1945 + 1951 + 1953 + 1959 + 1962 + 1966 + 1972 + 1975 + 1997
=
1864 + 1866 + 1868 + 1871 + 1877 + 1879 + 1887 + 1891 + 1893 + 1899 + 1905 + 1906 + 1907 + 1911 + 1912 + 1925 + 1927 + 1928 + 1931 + 1935 + 1942 + 1943 + 1955 + 1956 + 1958 + 1965 + 1971 + 1976 + 1989 + 1996
[= 57633]

[Year digits are an anagram:]
1 8 6 1 1 8 6 5 1 8 7 5 1 8 7 6 1 8 7 8 1 8 8 5 1 8 8 9 1 8 9 6 1 8 9 7 1 8 9 8 1 9 0 1 1 9 0 8 1 9 0 9 1 9 1 6 1 9 1 7 1 9 2 1 1 9 2 3 1 9 2 6 1 9 3 4 1 9 3 7 1 9 4 1 1 9 4 5 1 9 5 1 1 9 5 3 1 9 5 9 1 9 6 2 1 9 6 6 1 9 7 2 1 9 7 5 1 9 9 7
=
1 8 6 4 1 8 6 6 1 8 6 8 1 8 7 1 1 8 7 7 1 8 7 9 1 8 8 7 1 8 9 1 1 8 9 3 1 8 9 9 1 9 0 5 1 9 0 6 1 9 0 7 1 9 1 1 1 9 1 2 1 9 2 5 1 9 2 7 1 9 2 8 1 9 3 1 1 9 3 5 1 9 4 2 1 9 4 3 1 9 5 5 1 9 5 6 1 9 5 8 1 9 6 5 1 9 7 1 1 9 7 6 1 9 8 9 1 9 9 6

[Times add up:]
3:52 + 3:44 + 3:38 + 3:36 + 3:36 + 3:29 + 3:33 + 3:29 + 3:31 + 3:30 + 3:31 + 3:29 + 3:27 + 3:28 + 3:27 + 3:28 + 3:24 + 3:22 + 3:41 + 3:22 + 3:24 + 3:24 + 3:24 + 3:24 + 3:23 + 3:21 + 3:22 + 3:19 + 3:30 + 3:18
=
3:52 + 3:43 + 3:42 + 3:39 + 3:34 + 3:31 + 3:29 + 3:29 + 3:31 + 3:36 + 3:28 + 3:32 + 3:28 + 3:28 + 3:27 + 3:22 + 3:24 + 3:24 + 3:26 + 3:24 + 3:34 + 3:23 + 3:28 + 3:20 + 3:21 + 3:21 + 3:20 + 3:34 + 3:17 + 3:19
[= 1:44:26]

[Time digits are an anagram:]
3 5 2 3 4 4 3 3 8 3 3 6 3 3 6 3 2 9 3 3 3 3 2 9 3 3 1 3 3 0 3 3 1 3 2 9 3 2 7 3 2 8 3 2 7 3 2 8 3 2 4 3 2 2 3 4 1 3 2 2 3 2 4 3 2 4 3 2 4 3 2 4 3 2 3 3 2 1 3 2 2 3 1 9 3 3 0 3 1 8
=
3 5 2 3 4 3 3 4 2 3 3 9 3 3 4 3 3 1 3 2 9 3 2 9 3 3 1 3 3 6 3 2 8 3 3 2 3 2 8 3 2 8 3 2 7 3 2 2 3 2 4 3 2 4 3 2 6 3 2 4 3 3 4 3 2 3 3 2 8 3 2 0 3 2 1 3 2 1 3 2 0 3 3 4 3 1 7 3 1 9

1006

[I saw fit to honor the Oscars, held a month ago, by extracting all 5 Best Picture nominees from the same base phrase. However, I couldn't ignore the Oscar's evil twin - The Golden Raspberry (or 'Razzie'), an award ceremony held 24 hours before the Oscars which dishonored the *worst* of 2003 cinema... The winners are at the bottom of each set.[

A list of the five films that are Academy Awards nominees in the Best Picture category:

A feisty MASTER AND COMMANDER gives life to the rich tale of the wisest captain Aubrey.
Why, I see Murray's bit as a cheap-act made the gifted LOST IN TRANSLATION more effective.
MYSTIC RIVER's genuine performances deal with that base idea of the state of calamity.
View SEABISCUIT, my imperfect-yet-fine racehorse that ran to fame, against all the odds.
A massive LORD OF THE RINGS finale piece, sated with beauty, came first at that ceremony.

A list of the five films nominated for the joke-award Golden Raspberry in the Worst Picture category:

Big, tragic Dr. Seuss rip-off CAT IN THE HAT transformed that loopy feline we love into a mere rowdy jerk.
Another CHARLIE'S ANGELS trifle provided brisk joy of trampy women for the target audience of twits.
At parts of FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY, even the best 'American Idol' fan grew tired of its weird choreography.
The MTV-style THE REAL CANCUN joined the merry parties of Spring Break for raw footage of wild idiots.
Reporters' reviews of our winner GIGLI say that the attempt of Ben Affleck and J-Lo at comedy is horrid.

[Also, to make these a bit more appealing, they were shaped as the actual symbols of these award shows:]