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JERUSALEM.
And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England’s mountains green?
And was the holy lamb of God
On England’s pleasant pastures seen?
And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among these dark Satanic mills?
Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spear! O clouds unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire!
I will not cease from mental fight,
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand,
Till we have built Jerusalem
In England’s green and pleasant land.
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A JAM RULE ENDS
And did roast beef in olden time
Fill gentle England’s inner need?
And was McDonalds just a name
Synonymous with US greed?
And how did burger and French fries
Cause fish ‘n’ chips to lose appeal?
And what unusual bugs nestle in
Among those dark Satanic meals?
Bring me my honest Yorkshire pud,
Bring me my meat and my two veg,
Bring carrot, turnip, fill me up;
Bring tons of home-made jam on bread.
I will not cease the endless fight,
No, nor will Hell flame-grill my plan,
Till wholesome fare is once again
Devoured in our ennobled land!
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802 |
[Comparisions: our page comparing Anagram Artist and Anagram Genius anagrammed into a comparision between the human head and a computer. The anagram is below the subject.]
Anagram Artist or Anagram Genius?
Anagrammy
Awards > Links
and Resources > Downloadable Anagram
Software > Which
anagram generator?
Here is a comparision of the two best anagram creation
programs available today, Anagram Artist (by Mike Keith) and Anagram
Genius (by William Tunstall-Pedoe).
These programs approach anagramming in quite different ways as you will
see below. Serious anagrammers use both depending on the type of
anagram being created.
We suggest that you try both.
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SOFTWARE:
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ANAGRAM ARTIST
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ANAGRAM GENIUS
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General description:
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- Anagram Artist is primarily designed to aid a human
anagrammatist with the task of finding anagrams by presenting suggested
words and keeping track of the remaining letters as the anagram is
partially formed.
- The focus is on the human operator and the software is
primarily an assistant.
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- Anagram Genius is designed primarily to generate anagrams
all by itself.
- It uses sophisticated artificial intelligence and search
techniques to do the work and attempts to find complete anagrams that
are relevant and grammatical.
- Human input is optional and sought only to help steer the
search to more appropriate places (and to select and tweak the best
anagrams at the end).
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Main Uses:
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- Ideal for creating medium (40-100 letters) to long anagrams
(more than 100 letters), but can be used for short anagrams, too.
- Special features help with the creation of anagrammed
poems.
- It can generate anagrams only when there are 25 or less
letters remaining.
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- Ideal for creating short anagrams, such as peoples or
product names.
- It automatically selects and ranks candidate words and, by
utilising user-selected options, it creates the most relevant anagrams
at the top of the list.
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Ease of use:
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- It takes a little while to become familiar with its use and
all of its features.
- It requires more input by the user to create anagrams.
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- Very easy to use. Just enter the subject, select options
(if you wish) and hit "Enter".
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Word Lists or "Dictionaries":
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- It comes with one standard wordlist - which can limited to
five levels of word commonness.
- Adding new customised word lists is done using the
Dictionary Maker Tool.
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- Multiple Word Lists available.
- Options of including Vulgar Words, Interjections, or
dropped 'H' words can be selected.
- Customised word lists can be added and word lists can be
edited.
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Size of anagram:
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- Any size anagram can be created, but the actual anagram
generator can only be used when there are 25 letters remaining.
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- It is capable of generating anagrams of up to 45 letters
quite easily.
- Longer anagrams, well over 100 letters, are possible by
selecting out "Compulsory" words.
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Selecting out key words:
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- Simply type them into the Anagram field.
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- The user can select individual words from the word list (by
double clicking) and to make each one "Compulsory".
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Tracking the number of letters:
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- Letter frequency is displayed numerically and graphically.
The letter frequency histogram displays excess or sparse letters by
different colours.
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Tracking vowel/consonant ratio:
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- Ratio is displayed numerically and visually. Vowel
percentage can be varied when looking for candidate words.
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Finding synonyms, rhyming words, or words with specific
letters:
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- It can do all of these, as well as finding words with
particular prefixes or suffixes, and words with a particular number of
syllables. There is a Constraints Manager for using even more
spohisticated constraints.
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Selecting parts of speech:
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- Nouns, Verbs, Adjectives, Adverbs, or Other parts can be
selected.
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Selecting gender, emphasis and language:
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- Allows selection of British or American (or both) language.
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- Allows the selection of Male, Female, or Inanimate.
- Allows selection of Satire, Flattery, Mixed or Neutral
emphasis.
- Allows selection of British or American (or both) language.
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Saving anagrams:
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- Only one anagram at a time can be saved as a text file.
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- Multiple anagrams can be save as a text file or as an HTML
file.
- Subwords and a full list of raw anagrams can also be saved.
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Help guide:
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- Detailed Help Guide is available.
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- Detailed searchable Help Guide is available.
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Other features:
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- Tweak Mode allows the temporary removal of a word without
actually deleting it.
- Spell checker.
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- Anagrams can be animated.
- Previous discovered anagrams from the Anagram Genius
Archive can be displayed.
- Anagrams can be easily submitted to the Anagram Genius
Archive.
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Platforms:
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- Windows 98 and XP. It may not work on other versions of
Windows.
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- All Windows versions support Version 9. Macintosh OS
supports Version 8 only.
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Recommendations:
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- Recommended for the more experienced anagrammer wanting
control over the words and letters.
- It can be used by beginners.
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- Recommended for beginners and those not needing as much
control over the words and letters.
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Cost:
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Where to get it:
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Updated: October 29, 2005
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Human Head or Computer
Anagrammy
Awards > Links
and Resources > Downloadable Anagram
Software > Which
idea generator?
Here is a comparison of two options made for idea generation.
They run in quite different ways as you can see below.
We suggest that you try both.
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PARAMETERS:
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HUMAN HEAD
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COMPUTER
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General descriptions:
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- Ideal for fast access to an entire barrage of knowledge.
- Focus is all on brain.
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- Designed primarily to replace all types of human contact.
- It uses artificial intelligence and search
techniques which are possible given pairing with consumer's Head.
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Main Uses:
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- Ideal for spontaneous thinking and can arrange smart
reasoning
gestures.
- Special features for creation of anagrams or games.
- Can sometimes be used for something real, such as getting a
job.
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- It automatically tries to aggravate me to a point where I
want to go close my arm in a garage door.
- Capable of easily generating mega-nonsense anagrams of a
sorry 45 letters.
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Ease of use:
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- Takes a little while to try to become familiar with its
manners and assets, to know expected errors, and remember all of
its features.
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- Very easy. For starters, just get a machine, a
screen, a mouse, a keyboard, data storage arrays, RAM, additional RAM,
upgrade every 5 days, get more ROM, send to shop, sell, resell or
reformat disk.
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Word Lists:
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- Adding a new word list is all done using Books and the Ear
Input Devices
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- Multiple word lists available including Vulgar Words and
Interjections which are warranted by frequent crashes and a glance into
wallet.
- Doesn't allow for rarer curse words such as "frigging" or
"gang-bang".
- A customised word list can be set in all random languages I
don't know, I don't have to remember, and haven't a use for. Note
installation of rare Korean fonts will add near 1 hour to boot times.
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Input Devices:
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- 2 Earmaster 900 Listening and Surround-Sound Audio Trailing
Devices.
- A Mouthman 5-Band Small-Range Aggregate Tasting Port.
- 2 Visual Tracing Ports via fully integrated Optic Nerve
Systems 8.9 and optional goggles.
- SmellManager 90 Smeller-Arrays
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Data storage:
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- Allows approximately 10 percent maximum of CPU at all times
except in rarer cases.
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- Data storage achieved via massive bars, a bunch of
zig-zagging wires, small rings, balls, metal alloys, gears, motors and
shit.
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Upgrading possibilities:
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- Can't be upgraded any more at current time although man's
recent researches in stem cells have made this a possibility.
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- Dependent on the RAM or ROM which can only be upgraded by a
new motherboard and an extra 800. Just replace the whole damn thing but
good luck selling the old one on Ebay.
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Maintenance:
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- Smaller damage should be frequently cleansed with malted
beverages, ales, nicotine, caffeine or all of the above. Fixes
can be arranged at a psychiatric ward, especially needed with
artistic usage.
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- Rinse with water, a cloth and in extreme cases a bang
with fist or left foot.
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Cost / Benefit analysis:
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- Considering it's free, I'd say this is by far its best
selling point. Rare replacement "organic grey cell compound" can
be sent from West Havana.
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- User ends up laying down more for a far inferior product
which, it seems, was crafted by ferrets or a small rat.
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Selecting parts of speech
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- Input-determined and often set during the formative years.
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- Trying to make a computer talk is the same as
setting lipstick on the Venus di Milo.
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Selecting gender, emphasis and languages:
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- Gender is a determinant in capacity of male's or female's
human head to retain ideas. That's all that matters.
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- Allows selection of Satire or Flattery. If a computer
talks to me, I have problems outside this table's scope.
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Saving anagrams:
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- Most dependent on error transfer to a small Paper-Pen
Device.
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Help guides:
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- Not available at this time although a fast read into Gray's
Anatomy might provide emergency assistance.
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- Detailed, searchable, smart Help Guides are available.
Requires internet connection and ability to sift through a bunch of
topics which assist in how to type the letter "R" but ultimately fail
in helping with the task at hand.
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Other features:
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- Mass Garbage Mode allows temporary removal of a word
without actually deleting it while many words will suddenly appear
again when you try to sleep or are asked who starred in the
film Tron.
- No spell or grammar checker. I believe God's working on an
update in version 4.
- Anagrams can be spoken or quoted at parties.
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- Space-waster
- Time-waster
- Can harm marriage
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Platform:
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- Human head with included brain is not Windows
compatible. To start Windows, select "uninstall brain" in
Start>Windows>Control Panel>Program>Uninstall.
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- Linux, BeOs, Windows, Mac, and whatever shit sells fast.
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Recommendations:
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- Recommended answer for academics, artists, inventors,
scientists, sophisticates, and doctors.
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- Goes well with an over-priced latte.
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Cost:
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- Free. Donations are not recommended.
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Where to get it:
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Updated: November 12, 2005
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803 |
Ringed with the azure world, he stands.
The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls;
He watches from his mountain walls,
And like a thunderbolt he falls.
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Around him most blue wilderness, he halts.
The crinkled water under feet;
Hills habitant which gazes them swath,
And like an arrow he falls down.
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804 |
An Austrian Army
Alaric A. Watts.
An Austrian army, awfully array'd,
Boldly by battery besiege Belgrade;
Cossack commanders cannonading come,
Deal devastation's dire destructive doom;
Ev'ry endeavour engineers essay,
For fame, for freedom, fight, fierce furious fray.
Gen'rals 'gainst gen'rals grapple,--gracious God!
How honors Heav'n heroic hardihood!
Infuriate, indiscriminate in ill,
Just Jesus, instant innocence instill!
Kinsmen kill kinsmen, kindred kindred kill.
Labour low levels longest, loftiest lines;
Men march 'midst mounds, motes, mountains, murd'rous mines.
Now noisy, noxious numbers notice nought,
Of outward obstacles o'ercoming ought;
Poor patriots perish, persecution's pest!
Quite quiet Quakers -- Quarter, quarter -- quest;
Reason returns, religion, right, redounds,
Suwarrow stop such sanguinary sounds!
Truce to thee, Turkey, terror to thy train!
Unwise, unjust, unmerciful Ukraine!
Vanish vile vengeance, vanish victory vain!
Why wish we warfare? wherefore welcome won
Xerxes, Xantippus, Xavier, Xenophon?
Yield, ye young Yaghier yeomen, yield your yell!
Zimmerman's, Zoroaster's, Zeno's zeal
Again attract; arts against arms appeal.
All, all ambitious aims, avaunt, away!
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An Anagram Alliteration
A.J Hickford
An Anagram Alliteration - an abecedarian
Badinage. Brave banter. But barbarian
Craft - clumsiness comes 'cross.
Drear discourse. Detracting, dreadful dross
Ends. Every endeavour eventually
Flops. Froth? Funny? Fuming! Furious! Finesse formed, fully
Get God's great geriatric grammar guide.
He's hirsute; His heav'nly hide
Is incrusted in innocent,
Jocular juxtapositioning! Instead I'll invent;
Kindly keep key knowledge. Kant knew
Latin; later learned language like 'loo'
(Meaning 'micturition mart'). Memories misfire. Measure midsummer's moon,
Now nameless. Neither night nor noon.
Only old onerous oratory, ours,
Piss poor poetry performance. Pause...
Quick! quicker! quite querious quip-quests
Recur; rhythm recurring. Reason: rest.
Scholastic suffixer, success soon sighs
To twisty tangrams. Twit! Two times ten! Thy
Uric unleash'd, unmans universe;
Voice versus vowel. View verminous verse.
Wow! Whether winsome words war with whist?
Xenogamic xenial Xhosan xylophonist!
You yodel! You yabber! You're yowling your yap
Zanily, zestily, zanier! Zaps
Another attempt at "all anagrams aren't
As assuredly arduous as alliterative art."
And so on, and so on...
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805 |
['The Aristocrats', a 2005 documentary produced by illusionist Penn Jillette, deals with the similarly titled joke which has become a favourite within comedian circles. The weak punchline is a constant, but hardly the point; the strength of the joke comes from the many crude details each comedian comes up with, which always differ but are bound to be tasteless as well as liberating. The film itself lets dozens of comics, some well-known, air their very own version.
Below is the mildest version I could find on the web [for one of the absolute worst in existence, google 'aristocrats ruthless reviews', though you really shouldn't even if you have the stomach], anagrammed into 3 renditions of the joke in different styles...]
A family, consisting of a father, mother, son, daughter and a dog, walks into a talent agent's office and asks the agent to represent them. The agent asks what they do, and the family demonstrates, breaking into acts of perversion that usually include scatology, bestiality, incest, sadomasochism and fountains of bodily fluids. When the act wraps up, the dumbfounded talent agent says, "That's horrible. It's disgusting. I've never seen anything like it. What do you call yourselves?" The father proudly answers, "The Aristocrats!"
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(Final stages of a mystery novel)
Detective Gates paced across the foyer and halted to stare at the family standing in front of him in flashy attire. At last, he began. "So many truths the late Lady McGinty kept... The twins' tabu affair and Lisa's kid with cousin Sven, not to mention what Gustaf did to his sister... But ultimately, she was poisoned by Dunken - her own son... and lover."
Gates shook his head. "What nauseating group could result to such deranged debauchery?"
After a long silence, the son finally spoke. "Aristocrats, Mr. Gates."
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(Love sonnet)
Aha, such pain to win a kiss from thee!
A giggle first and later a retreat...
I find the taunts suggest duality;
On love's decree, thine inmost wants compete.
This game is like a stuffy family
That tuts and hisses icily at scandals,
Yet after dark acts so unlawfully
To even daunt a gang of bulky vandals.
And so I'd ask of thee, oh pretty rose -
Accept anew desire as thine own;
No longer don a high and mighty pose
But let the hidden, feisty form be shown.
Ah, do not try to crush the inner brats -
They must go bad... as all aristocrats.
=
(Monty Python sketch)
A man named Stoat (Palin) walks in an office and sits in front of a clerk (Cleese).
Stoat: Hello. Deer, is it?
Deer: Yes.
Stoat: Bren Stoat, Gags and Guffs and Funny Stuff.
Deer: None of that, please. How may I help you?
Stoat: I've this act that's missing a punch.
Deer: Huh. Will that act have bigamy?
Stoat: Yes.
Deer: Criminal congress?
Stoat: Yes.
Deer: Savage buggering?
Stoat: Oh, yes.
Deer: Thank you. Mrs. Gull?
An old lady (Idle) unfolds a vest with "The Aristocrats" knitted on it. A stout fighter runs in and beats her down with a halibut.
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