801

"If Tomorrow Never Comes"
A song by Ronan Keating

Sometimes late at night,
I lie awake and watch her sleeping;
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark.
And the thought crosses my mind,
If I never wake up in the morning,
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart?

If tomorrow never comes,
Will she know how much I loved her?
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one?
And if my time on earth were through,
And she must face this world without me,
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last,
If tomorrow never comes?

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life,
Who never knew how much I loved them,
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed.
So I made a promise to myself,
To say each day how much she means to me,
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel.

If tomorrow never comes,
Will she know how much I loved her?
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one?
And if my time on earth were through,
And she must face this world without me,
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last,
If tomorrow never comes?

So tell that someone that you love,
Just what you're thinking of,
If tomorrow never comes.

"If Tomorrow Never Comes"
A Poem by A Lost Hero (A First-World-War Private)

In this war-torn night,
Awake, I hear the awful screaming;
The screeching shells, the guns,
The yells, the hurt, the raw fright echo in the dark.
Then one thought comes to my mind,
If I never see another morning,
Will my family know how much I keenly clutch
Their memory to my heart?

If tomorrow never comes,
Would my life've been worth living?
Did my death give peace and love, to those who live above
This rat-infested trench?
When our futile war is through,
Yes, they'll go on without me,
A dead man with no name,
Nutty hero, what a shame
His tomorrow never came.

You see the hurt in young men's eyes,
See some are shocked, some are crying,
Kids not yet seventeen,
Who know that death is just a cannon shot away.
So I've made a promise to myself,
Should I survive, when war is over,
To recall the ones who died
And tell their loved ones they were heroes at the end.

If tomorrow never comes,
Would my life've been worth living?
Did my death give peace and love, to those who live above
This rat-infested trench?
When our futile war is through,
Yes, they'll go on without me,
A dead man with no name,
Nutty hero, such a shame
His tomorrow never came.

So if you find these notes
Please give them to my folks,
If tomorrow never comes.

802

"All Things Dull And Ugly" from Monty Python's Contractual Obligations Album

All things dull and ugly,
All creatures, short and squat,
All things rude and nasty,
The Lord God made the lot.

Each little snake that poisons,
Each little wasp that stings,
He made their prudish venom,
He made their horrid wings.

All things sick and cancerous,
All evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous,
The Lord God made them all.

Each nasty little hornet,
Each beastly little squid,
Who made the spiky urchin?
Who made the sharks? He did!

All things scant and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.

Ode to That Unusually Unloved, and Ungodly Man (Donna Pintin's Rant, Told Potently)

All things most unscrupulous,
All wars -- not least Iraq,
All killing and attacking,
George Bush, he caused the lot.

Each fume that wrecks the planet,
Each act that gets us mad,
He did it all corruptly,
He doesn't care: "Too bad!"

All things most immoral,
All dullness great and small,
All things rash and doltish,
George Bush, he did them all.

Each vacant, childish grin unfurled,
More silly than a kid,
Who made the French so angry?
Who made them pissed? He did!

All things lax and dastardly,
All horrors that do gall,
Simpleton, quite startlingly,
George Bush, he did them all.

803

[The anagram I did in 39960 was as the result of a promise I made to my cousin to spread the word about a poetry initiative she is involved in. Apologies if it wasn't of interest, but I thought with the standard of verse you guys come up with, poetry is clearly something that appeals to some of you.

My cousin, Frances Howarth, who is herself a published poet and who has been involved with writing and poetry for many years has recently become involved with a new initiative to get poetry to a wider audience. The site is http://www.passonapoem.com/ and offers visitors the chance to read poems other visitors have particularly enjoyed, and beyond that, offers advice on reading them aloud as well as news and events.


The anagram I did tries to achieve three things:
The first is to establish my relationship with the poem and give it some biographical details.

The second part puts forward the spirit of poap (I quite liked "Be local! Be vocal!" as a kind of mantra).

And the final part is an attempt at a poetic incantation which offers advice and might invoke the God of Public Speaking and call on him for help for those for whom the idea of reading poetry aloud is anathema!

If anyone wants more details then please visit the site or drop me a line on ten.enoenil@ydruts.sihrc (I'm sure you see what I've done there!)]

Do We Become by Frances Howarth

In the threshing of the crop and the thrashing of a tree,
at the midnight hour, in a midflight soar,
water striking stone, wind turning vane,
the racing of the wave, the chasing of the shade,
the mystery of wine, the breaking of time,
stalk cut, blood let, up root,
owl hoot, lamb bleat, night jar,
breeze through a door, light dance on the floor,
cloth shaken, folded, lain in a drawer,
wool wound, tower round, bell sound,
leap, lilt, low, lope,
echo, thunder, clatter, glance,
rattle, tumble, tremble, chance,
clouds build, count yield, wound healed:
not in the pull and push of passion's plea
do we become, but in this downdive into self
for each coin, every piece, of this world's wealth.

That fine poem, written by my mother's cousin, was published in the Guardian and included in Earth Songs (editor Peter Abbs, publisher Green Books).

Know one million poems that you love enough to want to share with or tell the world? Had the thought? Then how about going to www.passonapoem.com, connect with others and read aloud in a cafe, school or bar.
The forum is Frances' current project, which fights to catch the public imagination and get hitherto unknown verse to a wide audience.
A fight well worth the effort.
Be local! Be vocal!

O Skill!
Don't freeze, fly. Don't fold.

Stage-fright chilled the blood
Hold your nerve, feel it dude

Call that friend; he'll be there,
Lend an ear and hell will end.

804

I Don't Feel Like Dancin' - Scissor Sisters

Wake up in the morning with a head like 'what ya done?'
This used to be the life but I don't need another one.
Good luck cuttin' nothin', carrying on, you wear them gowns.
So how come I feel so lonely when you're up getting down?

So I play along when I hear that favourite song
I'm gonna be the one who gets it right.
You better know when you're swingin' round the room
Look's like magic's solely yours tonight

But I don't feel like dancin'
When the old Joanna plays
My heart could take a chance
But my two feet can't find a way
You think that I could muster up a little soft, shoop devil sway
But I don't feel like dancin'
No sir, no dancin' today.

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Even if I find nothin' better to do
Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Why'd you break down when I'm not in the mood?
Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Rather be home with no one when I can't get down with you

Cities come and cities go just like the old empires
When all you do is change your clothes and call that versatile.
You got so many colours make a blind man so confused.
Then why can't I keep up when you're the only thing I lose?

So I'll just pretend that I know which way to bend
And I'm gonna tell the whole world that you're mine.
Just please understand, when I see you clap your hands
If you stick around I'm sure that you'll be fine.

But I don't feel like dancin'
When the old Joanna plays
My heart could take a chance
But my two feet can't find a way
You think that I could muster up a little soft, shoop devil sway
But I don't feel like dancin'
No sir, no dancin' today.

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Even if I find nothin' better to do
Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Why'd you break down when I'm not in the mood?
Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Rather be home with no one when I can't get down with you

You can't make me dance around
But your two-step makes my chest pound.
Just lay me down as you blow it away into the shimmer light.

But I don't feel like dancin'
When the old Joanna plays
My heart could take a chance
But my two feet can't find a way
You think that I could muster up a little soft, shoop devil sway
But I don't feel like dancin'
No sir, no dancin' today.

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Even if i find nothin' better to do
Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Why'd you break down when I'm not in the mood?
Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Rather be home with no one when I can't get down with you

I Don't Feel Like 'Grammin' - David Bourke

Still online at the crack of dawn, natch,
Suddenly, the wife shouts: "Hey! Where've you been?
Why couldn't you get a life, you saddo, David,
Instead of staring at that screen?"
Unlucky in the contest...no, couldn't win nowt, I feel so down,
Then that Tony bloody Crafter chap pinched my 'Top Brit' crown! :-(

Oh, how I need to take a decent holiday!
Why? I just (innocently) dreamed of Countdown...with WTP!
Best to take it nice and slow, or there could be more marital woe,
And alone in the spare bed's where you know I'll be.

No, I don't feel like 'grammin',
Do need a while out from word-play,
Young Richard G's back with a vengeance,
That newbie Rosie's well away.
Hey, you'd think why couldn't I just concoct
One 'Special' with which to beat that douchebag Mey?
But, you know, I don't feel like 'grammin',
No sir, no more posts today!

I don't feel like 'grammin', no no,
I think I'll find owt else to do,
Don't feel like 'grammin', no way
...I'm up to here with touchy Rick 'n' tetchy 'View',
No, don't feel like 'grammin',
When the consonant-to-vowel ratio's no doubt tits-up anyway...

I don't feel like 'grammin', oh no,
Not funny, when my bank account's decidedly red,
Don't feel like The Daily Mail, no chance,
When I could learn Bulgarian instead.
You know, I don't feel like 'grammin',
Think I could slow down once in a while.

I've had enough of obscene Rudies about cocks, cunts, anal probes...
And anyway, the Forum ain't no fun now, without old Tobes!
I could uninstall AnAide, before the wife gives me the boot,
And don't I miss Len Richards! (Och aye, Neil's just no substitute).

But I wonder why, as I cast a hackneyed, jaundiced eye,
I find that nothin' don't seem to be any fun to me.
Dejected, incensed, I now sit, one wry, disenchanted git,
And jaded, whine on-and-on, a dull monologue...cynically.

Don't feel like that Northolt nonentity Tully,
Hey, I don't see no point in DFE!
And that poncy Canadian Yoshioka too,
I could do without Wayne, Don, Andrew B.,
Don't feel like that confounded Athenian, Paul Pan,
No Ade the Hick, that uncouth Aussie dude L.B.,
Don't feel like the Teutonic ninny, Hans-Peter,
That whiter-than-white Dent woman, and that oily "HSP".

No, I don't feel like 'grammin',
No way can you keep up with The Kraus and Mike Keith!
I don't feel like no smutty innuendo,
No nice juicy Long'uns in which to sink my teeth!
Oh, I'm Finnished with Fat Phil and Lardy Anna,
Don't feel like any cunning linguistic feats today, no no...

805

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teacher, leave them kids alone
Hey, teacher, leave them kids alone
All in all it's just another brick in the wall
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

Bush don't got no education.
He is into world control:
Kick those A-rabs and North Koreans.
W, leave world-rattlers alone.
Hey, W! Leave 'em all alone!
All in all it's just another dick in the hall.
(Cheney, I mean.) [Me accent. Tee hee!]
Major untrusted Dick in the hall.

806

Genesis



The Beginning

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

3 And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning„the first day.

6 And God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." 7 So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. 8 God called the expanse "sky." And there was evening, and there was morning„the second day.

9 And God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. 10 God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good.

11 Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so. 12 The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. 13 And there was evening, and there was morning„the third day.

14 And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, 15 and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. 16 God made two great lights„the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. 17 God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, 18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening, and there was morning„the fourth day.

20 And God said, "Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." 21 So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 22 God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth." 23 And there was evening, and there was morning„the fifth day.

24 And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind." And it was so. 25 God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.

26 Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."

27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."

29 Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground„everything that has the breath of life in it„I give every green plant for food." And it was so.

31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning„the sixth day.

Genesis

1 In the beginning, God made man.

2 Now, man was a relaxed dude. He had no worries and he strutted. However, the Holy Spirit saw this and reported it to God.

3 And God said "Let there be woman" and there was and she was a long-legged, ravagingly attractive tart with a velvet cleavage and tight vagina. 4 God saw that man liked her. He gave the attractive woman to the man and they got hitched. 5 God called the man "husband"; the hot woman he called "wife". There was good rooting that evening, and there was morning - the first day.

6 And God said, "Let there be a difference of ideology between husband and wife." 7 So God created man as logical and rationale and woman: emotional, talkative and repetitive. And it was so. 8 They started fretting that evening and there was morning - the second day.

9 And God said, "Let her produce kids and suffer the pain of birth and ensure that the man has no idea of the pain she has." And it was so. 10 The wife gave birth to kids and was irate at the man even though he had no clue. 11 She swore at him and had him change dirty diapers too. And God saw it and laughed. 12 There was fighting that evening, and there was morning - the third day.
13 And God said, "Let thriving shops cover the streets and let them overrun with women's clothes and stilettos to serve as keys to target the changing seasons and 14 let them be outfitted with glittering lights to stop them knowing the time." And it was so. 15 God flagrantly thrust sales on her - the greater sale at the end of the year he called "After Xmas". The lesser sale he called "End of Tax Year". He also devised other lesser sales. 16 God sent these through the year to entice the wife to spend money. 17 God saw the look on the bedraggled man's face and cracked up. 18 There was a rotten evening and there was morning - the fourth day.

19 And God said, "Let foods of the earth be filled with calories, let all things that taste nice be fattening and fill store shelves." 20 So God created takeout food and separated them according to their kind. He created Wendy's and Burger King, Donut King and Kentucky Fried Chicken. 21 And God observed that it was great. 22 God blessed them and said "Gravitate to the girl, tempt her, and, through your fattening ingredients, increase her obesity." And the wife grew fatter and heavier. The husband grew disgusted. God saw this and giggled himself to sleep. 23 There was no sex later that evening, and there was morning - the fifth day.

24 And God said, "Let tight banks produce the dratted credit card advert to heighten the wife's needs: Amex, Mastercard and Visa that ask the wife to purchase products beyond her greatest dreams." And it was so. 25 God advised the banks to start sending overtaxed bills to the husband according to their kinds: the "high interest fee" or the "no interest free days". And the devastated husband sulked. God saw this torture, chortled and the tears abounded from his eyes.

26 Then God said, "Let's make another niggling woman in her image, in her likeness and let her preside over all husbands over the earth and over their doings and goings-on.

27 So God created the Mother-in-Law in her likeness,
in her exaggerated light; he created the repulsive, talkative tart; he created her.

28 God blessed the tart and said, "Increase in number, pervade the earth, aggravate, pester and revolt the husbands. Preside over them with disdain and derision."

29 Then God said, "I give you every right to evoke pain and despair on all of their faces across the earth and start to plant horror in their heart. They will be yours for humor and relaxation. 30 And all men of the earth will be aggravated and won't know how to live in harmony with you." And it was so.

31 God saw all that he had created, and fell off his cloud giggling. There was evening and there was morning - the sixth day.

32 On the seventh day, man created internet porn and gave God the birdie.

33 On the eighth day, God created divorce contracts.

807

[he anagram has a time theme: it contains 365 letters in 12 lines, and each line's letter count matches the number of days in its corresponding month (line 1 = January and has 31 letters, line 2 = February and has 28 letters etc.)

Additionaly, a diagonal acrostic (the 1st letter of the 1st line, the 2nd of the 2nd line etc.) spells out the phrase 'Wheels of time'.]

The Oscar Wilde poem 'Les Silhouettes'

The sea is flecked with bars of grey,
The dull dead wind is out of tune,
And like a withered leaf the moon
Is blown across the stormy bay.

Etched clear upon the pallid sand
Lies the black boat: a sailor boy
Clambers aboard in careless joy
With laughing face and gleaming hand.

And overhead the curlews cry,
Where through the dusky upland grass
The young brown-throated reapers pass,
Like silhouettes against the sky.

When idle shadows wrap me in the night,
THeir lucid hush a brutal lullaby,
I fEel a horrid woe that grabs me tight
As lEngthy hours pass so sluggishly.
If onLy I could have just one more week -
A day, a Second - near her brittle grace,
To kiss Or pat, at ease, her pretty cheek
As we proFess the cheer in our embrace...
As ScarleT dusk puts on a dowdy Black,
I hide here In the coldness of that bed.
Feast, Agony! My Sweet will not be back;
It all has gonE so old and dull and dead.