901

CANDLE IN THE WIND
by
Elton John

Goodbye Norma Jean
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the treadmill
And they made you change your name

(Chorus)
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did

Loneliness was tough
The toughest role you ever played
Hollywood created a superstar
And pain was the price you paid
Even when you died
Oh the press still hounded you
All the papers had to say
Was that Marilyn was found in the nude

(Chorus)

Goodbye Norma Jean
From the young man in the 22nd row
Who sees you as something as more than sexual
More than just our Marilyn Monroe

(Chorus)

PEEING IN THE WIND
Joe Public

Goodbye Tony Blair,
No-one ever liked you at all,
You put your country in the mire
While around George Bush you crawled;
Oh how you crawled, just like a puppy,
And you danced to that hothead's tune,
Now we are on war's treadmill,
Oh, thank God you leave in June.

(Chorus)
And it seems to me you lived your life
Unashamed, a man of lies,
Never knowing what the truth was,
How you were despised;
Oh, and now we need to tell you
No, we weren't taken in,
And yet who heeds our judgement?
It's like peeing in the wind.

The Leader's role was hard,
The hardest job you have ever had,
It made an alien monster of you,
And you lost your country's trust.
And now you're dancing off,
Oh how the Press they'll undermine you
And all they'll have to say,
Is, "Tony Blair? He shunned the truth."

(Chorus)

Goodbye, ex-Head Man,
From a kindred Englishman who's heard
You'll convert to Roman Catholic soon;
Good God! Say 22 'Hail Marys'!

(Chorus)

902

[A palindrome anagrammed]

Nurse, I spy gypsies - run! =
Spry guy sees ruin, nips.

903

HIPS DON'T LIE
by
Shakira (featuring Wyclef Jean)

Ladies up in here tonight
No fighting, no fighting
We got the refugees up in here
No fighting, no fighting

Shakira, Shakira

I never really knew that she could dance like this
She makes a man want to speak Spanish
Como se llama (si), bonita (si), mi casa (si, Shakira Shakira), su casa
Shakira, Shakira

Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body

And I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see baby, this is perfection

Hey Girl, I can see your body moving
And it's driving me crazy
And I didn't have the slightest idea
Until I saw you dancing

And when you walk up on the dance floor
Nobody cannot ignore the way you move your body, girl
And everything so unexpected - the way you right and left it
So you can keep on shaking it

I never really knew that she could dance like this
She makes a man want to speak Spanish
Como se llama (si), bonita (si), mi casa (si, Shakira Shakira), su casa
Shakira, Shakira

Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body

And I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I am starting to feel you boy
Come on lets go, real slow
Don't you see baby asi es perfecto

Oh I know I am on tonight my hips don't lie
And I am starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see baby, this is perfection
Shakira, Shakira

Oh boy, I can see your body moving
Half animal, half man
I don't, don't really know what I'm doing
But you seem to have a plan
My will and self restraint
Have come to fail now, fail now
See, I am doing what I can, but I can't so you know
That's a bit too hard to explain

Baila en la calle de noche
Baila en la calle de d’a

Baila en la calle de noche
Baila en la calle de d’a

I never really knew that she could dance like this
She makes a man want to speak Spanish
Como se llama (si), bonita (si), mi casa (si, Shakira Shakira), su casa
Shakira, Shakira

Oh baby when you talk like that
You know you got me hypnotized
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body

Senorita, feel the conga, let me see you move like you come from Colombia

Mira en Barranquilla se baila as’, say it!
Mira en Barranquilla se baila as’


Yeah
She's so sexy every man's fantasy a refugee like me back with the Fugees from a third-world country
I go back like when 'pac carried crates for Humpty Humpty
I need a whole club dizzy
Why the CIA wanna watch us?
Colombians and Haitians
I ain't guilty, it's a musical transaction
No more do we snatch ropes
Refugees run the seas 'cause we own our own boats

I'm on tonight, my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel you boy
Come on let's go, real slow
Baby, like this is perfecto

Oh, you know I am on tonight and my hips don't lie
And I am starting to feel it's right
The attraction, the tension
Baby, like this is perfection

No fighting
No fighting

LIPS DON'T LIE
by
Tony Blair (featuring his Spin Doctor)

(Narrator)
People in here tonight
No fightin', no fightin'
We got refugees in here
No fightin', no fightin'

Or kickin', or kickin'

(Spin Doc.)
Oh, he didn't know that he'd be dissed like this
Though he always talk in double-talk,
He say: "It's true!" (I'm lying) "Let's move on!" (let's stay here) "I am wrong," (not really)
Cackle, cackle, cackle.

(Blair)
Ooh, people when you talk so bad
You make a man so mad
So be wise, watch my lips and
Don't read the signs of my body

Oh, I say tonight
You know my lips don't lie
And I'm startin' to feel it, ah!
You're believing what I am saying
For I am a master politician!

(N.)
Gee, Blair, I can see your lips moving
And it's driving me crazy
'Cause I ain't got a single idea
Of what you are saying

And when you talk to your people
No-one can ignore the way you move those snakish lips,
And everything is as we expected - the way you duck and dodge
So you can keep on fakin' it.

(S.D.)
Oh, he didn't know that he'd be dissed like this
Though he always talk in double-talk,
He say: "It's true!" (I'm lying) "Let's move on!" (let's stay here) "I am wrong!" (not really)
Cackle, cackle, cackle.

(B.)
Ooh, people when you talk so bad
You make a man so mad,
So be wise, watch my lips and
Don't read the signs of my body

Oh, I say tonight
You know my lips don't lie
And I'm startin' to feel it, ah!
You're believing what I am saying
For I am a master politician!

You must hear what I say tonight, for my lips won't lie
And I'm starting to see that you
Are believing, all of the garbage,
For I am a master politician!
Amazing, amazing!

(N.)
Oh, Blair I can see the tongue is talkin'
I see confusion - a half-lie and a half-truth
Don't understand what you are sayin'
But you seem to have a plan
For Iraq, Afghanistan,
Britain and Iran, but not your fellow man
See, I am tryin' to understand what goes on inside that brain but, wow,
That is too hard to explain

Aha Blair!
Aha Bliar!

Aha Blair!
Aha Bliar!

(S.D.)
Oh, he didn't know that he'd be dissed like this
Though he always talk in double-talk,
He say: "It's true!" (I'm lying) "Let's move on!" (let's stay here) "I am wrong!" (not really)
Cackle, cackle, cackle.

(B.)
Ooh, people when you talk so bad
You make a man so mad,
So be wise, watch my lips and
Don't read the signs of my body

(N)
So let me see you showing some sincerity, no eyewash, showing me some verity.

Akuna, akuna, akuna-matata
Akuna, akuna, akuna-matata

Gee
He's a thinking man's nightmare, he's like a Kafkaesque crank-case
Who has to kick off some bazookas with obnoxious jackass George Bush,
Based on incoherent inaccuracies.
No backbone, only backache, backbenchers, inefficiences, assassinations.
He suffers no conscience, has no balance or goal.
He has his weary assessors, his woesome wife: Cherie-baby,
His Bahamas hideaway.

(B.)
I say tonight my lips don't lie
And I'm startin' to feel it, ah!
I am a winner,
Oh, I am a master politician!

Oh, I say tonight my lips don't lie
And I'm startin' to feel it ah!
You're believing what I am saying,
For I am a master politician!

(N.)
No fightin'
No fightin'

904

My Mammy

Everything is lovely
When you start to roam;
The birds are singin', the day that you stray,
But later, when you are further away,
Things won't seem so lovely
When you're all alone;
Here's what you'll keep saying
When you're far from home:

Mammy,
Mammy,
The sun shines east, the sun shines west,
I know where the sun shines best--
Mammy,
My little mammy,
My heartstrings are tangled around Alabammy.
I'm comin',
Sorry that I made you wait.
I'm comin',
Hope and trust that I'm not late, oh oh oh
Mammy,
My little Mammy,
I'd walk a million miles
For one of your smiles,
My Mammy! Oh oh oh...

(SPOKEN) Mammy...
My little Mammy.
The sun shines east-- the sun shines west--
I know where-- the sun shines best!
It's on my Mammy I'm talkin' about, nobody else's!
(SUNG) My little Mammy,
My heartstrings are tangled around Alabammy.
(SPOKEN) Mammy-- Mammy, I'm comin'--
I'm so sorry that I made you wait!
Mammy-- Mammy, I'm comin'!
Oh God, I hope I'm not late!
Look at me, Mammy! Don't you know me?
I'm your little baby!
(SUNG) I'd walk a million miles
For one of your smiles,
My Mammy!

Oh, Larry
("My Mammy" melody)

Everythin' is chummy
In this homey site;
The family is fun, teammates into puns.
But oftentimes, when I'm on the run
Everythin' ain't that chummy.
When I'm by myself.
I summon my loneliness;
I take me one last byte...

Ana-grammy,
The tilt is tense, this Mey is blest!
I know the family is obsessed.
Larry,
My ana-grammy,
My total business is built on
Ana-grammy.
The mommy
Says we eat too little meal now
The mommy
Says we lost this small knowhow, (how, how, how?)
Larry, my ana-grammy,
"My mommy, it's so hot!"
Me momma thinks it's NOT!
Ooh, Larry (Whoo, whoo, whoo?)

(SPOKEN) Yea, you Larry! Larry you!
"The truth, uh-huh! No mommas bless
A son who's immature," me momma says.
It's Anagrammy I'm talkin' about, adore nuthin' else!
(SUNG) My Anagram-mee!
My whole life is dependent on you,
Anagram-mee!
(SPOKEN) Anagrammy, I'm meetin'...
My timely TOPICAL (I'm in the mood!)
Anagrammy, I'm makin'...
My immensely scummy RUDE!
Lovable wooly me, Larry. I'm the dumdum; the meek mutated mummy!
(SUNG) I'd take a million words
And settle for thirds,
Ooh, Larry!

905

Ice litters the snow,
The cold weather ~
cowled the earth;
The winter solstice.

906

GEORGIA ON MY MIND
by
Ray Charles

Georgia, Georgia, the whole day through
Just an old sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind

Talkin' 'bout Georgia
I'm in Georgia
A song of you
Comes as sweet and clear as moonlight through the pines

Other arms reach out to me
Other eyes smile tenderly
Still in peaceful dreams I see
The road leads back to you

Georgia, sweet Georgia, no peace I find
Just an old sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind

Other arms reach out to me
Other eyes smile tenderly
Still in peaceful dreams I see
The road leads back
It always leads back to you

Georgia, Georgia, no peace I find
Just an old, sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind

GEORGIE ON MY SIDE - (An ace creep to a mate).
A. Blair

Georgie, Georgie, cool, calm and kind,
Just the sound of bombs
Keeps Georgie on my mind.

Oh, peace-pal, Georgie,
Yo! war-mate Georgie,
I aim to please,
That goes for me, and Cherie so agrees.

Other arms, artillery,
Shell and gun and infantry,
Can't kill as good as yours I see,
That's why I team with you.

George, gee, Georgie; esteemed and wise
Just an old pals' act
Keeps me on George's side.

Other arms, artillery,
Shell and gun and infantry,
Can't kill as good as yours I see,
That's why I team with you.
There's such a lot I owe to you.

Georgie, Georgie, cool, calm and kind
Just the sound of bombs
Keeps Georgie on my mind.

907

[A sonnet by Dante Gabriel Rossetti, anagrammed into a sonnet spoofing its title.]

A Superscription

Look in my face; my name is Might-have-been;
I am also call'd No-more, Too-late, Farewell;
Unto thine ear I hold the dead-sea shell
Cast up thy Life's foam-fretted feet between;
Unto thine eyes the glass where that is seen
Which had Life's form and Love's, but by my spell
Is now a shaken shadow intolerable,
Of ultimate things unutter'd the frail screen.
Mark me, how still I am! But should there dart
One moment through thy soul the soft surprise
Of that wing'd Peace which lulls the breath of sighs,
Then shalt thou see me smile, and turn apart
Thy visage to mine ambush at thy heart
Sleepless with cold commemorative eyes.

A Superstition

1.  Hey, note these horseshoes, hung there on that wall!
2.  My life is fraught with curious beliefs...
3.  Hold no umbrellas open in my halls,
4.  Nor hum one haunting tune, however brief;
5.  Alert me, please, if some black cat will pass
6.  The pathway when we take those midnight strolls;
7.  Don't let me glimpse that shattered looking glass -
8.  I seldom find these acts remotely droll.
9.  In fact, this poem's scheme may pose a hitch
10. That may yet leave me somewhat unamused -
11. I reached the ode's oasis, after which
12. That loathed and fateful number must be used!
13. I'll bate my breath... 'til the thirteenth... is over...
14. Then run away, to find some four-leaf clovers!

908

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
Bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens,
Brown paper packages tied up with strings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Cream coloured ponies and crisp apple strudels,
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles,
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,
Silver white winters that melt into springs,
These are a few of my favourite things.

When the dog bites,
When the bee stings,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don't feel so bad!

Leather whips, sadism, in pity to wallow,
Britney and Paris, blonde women who swallow,
The Darkness, The Carpenters,
The Beatles (not Wings),
These are a few of my favourite things!

Stark-naked Swedish tarts, snorting cocaine,
MS Home Office, bondage, inflicting pain,
Sordid transvestites, mud wrestlers, teen flings,
These are a few of my favourite things!

Haemorrhoids, hymens, blow-up dolls, easy lays,
Bosom enlargements, dildos, short negligees,
Prostitutes, Led Zeppelin IV, nipple rings,
These are a few of my favourite things!

When the night's here,
When it's bedtime,
When screwing the partner's out,
Smoking herbs - I take hashish, with speed,
I'll feel instantly wasted, no doubt!