901

MAXWELL'S SILVER HAMMER
by
The Beatles

Joan was quizzical; studied pataphysical
Science in the home.
Late nights all alone with a test tube.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine,
Calls her on the phone.
"Can I take you out to the pictures,
Joa, oa, oa, oan?"

But as she's getting ready to go,
A knock comes on the door.

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon her head.
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that she was dead.

Back in school again Maxwell plays the fool again.
Teacher gets annoyed.
Wishing to avoid an unpleasant
Sce, e, e, ene,

She tells Max to stay when the class has gone away,
So he waits behind
Writing fifty times "I must not be
So, o, o, o.."

But when she turns her back on the boy,
He creeps up from behind.

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon her head.
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that she was dead.

P. C. Thirty-one said, "We caught a dirty one."
Maxwell stands alone
Painting testimonial pictures.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Rose and Valerie, screaming from the gallery
Say he must go free
(Maxwell must go free)
The judge does not agree and he tells them
So, o, o, o.

But as the words are leaving his lips,
A noise comes from behind.

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon his head.
Bang!Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that he was dead.

Whoa, oh, oh Silver hammer, yeah

ANAGRAMMATISM
(A Commonly Unsociable Malaise)
by
Alexi Cographer

I'm a married man; need to do my anagrams,
Why, I just don't know,
Late nights all alone at my PC
Exchanging 'O's.

Tax my screaming brain, till it's squealing out with pain,
"Please leave me alone!"
All those 'X's 'W's, 'A's, where
Will they all go?

But as I'm almost ready for bed,
A tune fills my poor head.
(Oh blimey!)

"Bang! Bang! Move those 'X' and 'H's
Then disallow three 'E's,
Clang! Clang! Now we need a 'W',
Must remove a 'B'."

When I go to bed, anagrams assault my head,
It's so hard to sleep,
Wish that I could grab some elusive
Zee, e, e, ee's.

Through the midnight gloom, letters zoom around the room,
'I's and 'A's and 'J's,
'H's 'B's and 'S's and 'P's
And oh, oh, oh, 'O's.

But just as I am falling asleep,
I hear those faraway words:
(Oh blimey!)

"Bang! Bang! Move those 'X' and 'H's
Then disallow three 'E's,
Clang! Clang! Now we need a 'W',
Must remove a 'B'."

PC's on again, back in the computer den,
Never mind the sleep,
I'll resolve this gram I am certain,
Hee, hee, hee, hee!

Hear wife scream with wrath, "Turn that Bxxx computer off!"
"Shoosh!" I scream right back,
(Shoosh, he screams right back)
"Just one measly 'X' to use up and I'll
Hi-hit the sack!"

Whoopee! I have found another 'X',
Er ... now I need a 'C'!
(Oh blimey!)

"Bang! Bang! Move those' 'X' and 'H's
Then disallow three 'E's,
Clang! Clang! Now we need a 'W',
Must remove a 'B'."

Wa-ha, ha-ha, must lose more 'R's,
A-tee-hee, hee-hee, I need a 'P'!

902

Sonnets are full of love

Sonnets are full of love, and this my tome
Has many sonnets: so here now shall be
One sonnet more, a love sonnet, from me
To her whose heart is my heart's quiet home,
To my first Love, my Mother, on whose knee
I learnt love-lore that is not troublesome;
Whose service is my special dignity,
And she my loadstar while I go and come
And so because you love me, and because
I love you, Mother, I have woven a wreath
Of rhymes wherewith to crown your honored name:
In you not fourscore years can dim the flame
Of love, whose blessed glow transcends the laws
Of time and change and mortal life and death.

by Christina Rossetti

Sorrow fills in for love

Sorrow fills in for love once you are gone
Beneath the cold dark earth to rest your head
And lie forever in your earthen bed
While in the world you left, my life moves on.
As mourners, now hushed quiet, on were led;
They sense a moment, and a loving son;
The tearful footfall to the grave they tread,
Then wet with tears my face with memories shone.
Each melancholy man has honest toil
To last him long, and one may say some lives
Can seem too short between the womb and tomb;
With sense of loss a child is overcome.
Come ye a mo, amass, and sow some soil;
Once Heaven ends, a monument survives.

'A poet says...' by your son, Chris

903

GOOD-BYE AND HELLO
by Barbara Anthony

Good-bye, ice skates.
Good-bye, sled.
Good-bye, winter;
Spring's ahead.

Good-bye, leggins.
Good-bye, snow.
Good-bye, winter.
Spring, hello!

Hello, crocus.
Hello, kite.
Good-bye, winter
Spring's in sight!

Hello, jumprope.
Hello, swing.
Good-bye winter!
Hello, spring!

SCORNED SINNERS AND GENTLE WINNERS
by the "Bloody Single Wench"

Hello, swigger.
Hello, gin.
Good-bye, spirit.
Sot is in!

Hello, hogwash.
Hello, Rap.
Good-bye, widow.
Hello, crap!

Good-bye, pigsty.
Good-bye, punk.
Good-bye, garbage
In a trunk!

Good-bye, partner.
Good-bye, Joe.
Good-bye, Mister.
Bliss, hello!

904

AIR [from "HAIR"]
by Galt MacDermot, Gerome Ragni and James Rado

Welcome! sulphur dioxide
Hello! carbon monoxide
The air, the air
Is everywhere

Breathe deep, while you sleep
Breathe deep

Bless you, alcohol bloodstream
Save me, nicotine lung steam
Incense, incense
Is in the air

Breathe deep, while you sleep
Breathe deep

Cataclysmic ectoplasm
Fallout atomic orgasm
Vapor and fume
At the stone of my tomb
Breathing like a sullen perfume
Eating at the stone of my tomb

Welcome! sulphur dioxide
Hello! carbon monoxide
The air, the air
Is everywhere

Breathe deep, while you sleep
Breathe deep

Deep, deep, deep, cough cough!

SEX ["Aah! A Memorable Mouthful!"]
by Arthur Reeve Cockhammer, Heather Aurea Breathehole and Matthew O'Macho-Momma

Welcome! Sensuality
Hello! Abnormality
It's sex, it's sex
That she selects

Go deep, 'Fore I sleep
So deep

Bless you, timely erection
Cure me, from this infection
Intense, pretense
(Aah! I do care!)

Go deep, 'Fore I sleep
So deep

Pornographic publication,
Unadulterated copulation,
Give me wild head;
Libido in my bed,
Vibrator here, ultra-hot red,
Erotic buggery in my bed!

Welcome! Weird variety
Hello! Odd feminity...
No warm rejects;
We all need sex!

Go deep, I'm a creep;
So deep!

Bleep, bleep, bleep, enough, enough! [Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!]

905

!--NOM-->Neil Ramsay with:
Yesterday - The Beatles

Yesterday,
All my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Nowadays,
Global allies whine and disobey,
So, the campaign is in disarray,
But I persevere, anyway.

Nowadays,
Heathens denounce my thuggery,
I need somewhere to get away,
So yes, I better get a holiday.

Why they
Stay so long,
no-one knows, I refuse to say,
Dad waged
Desert Storm, and I shall have my own heyday.

Nowadays,
We need an end to the disloyalty,
I see you hate the ideology?
Your breakaway is the giveaway.

Why they
Stay so long,
no-one knows, I refuse to say,
Dad waged
Desert Storm, and I shall have my own heyday.

Self-righteously,
I herd the troops to die heroically,
Despite advice from those who counsel me,
I battle on, vehemently.

906

AMERICA
by
Simon and Garfunkel

"Let us be lovers we'll marry our fortunes together."
"I've got some real estate here in my bag."
So we bought a pack of cigarettes and Mrs. Wagner pies
And walked off to look for America

"Kathy," I said as we boarded a Greyhound in Pittsburgh
"Michigan seems like a dream to me now
It took me four days to hitchhike from Saginaw
I've gone to look for America."

Laughing on the bus
Playing games with the faces
She said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy
I said "Be careful his bowtie is really a camera"

"Toss me a cigarette, I think there's one in my raincoat"
"We smoked the last one an hour ago"
So I looked at the scenery, she read her magazine
And the moon rose over an open field

"Kathy, I'm lost," I said, though I knew she was sleeping
"I'm empty and aching and I don't know why"
Counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike
They've all gone to look for America
All gone to look for America
All gone to look for America

AMERICAN BAGGAGE
by
A Peace Soldier, Lost at Basra.

"Let us be soldiers, take flak in the desert together."
"I've got my kitbag, I'm eager to go!"
So we bought a pack of rhetoric, and Mr Bush's lies,
Then took off to fight for America.

"Kenny," I said, as our unit assembled in Basra,
"England seems so far away to me now,
It took me nine hours to get here from Liverpool,
I've come to fight for America."

Mingling in the town,
Playing games with the locals,
You thought a guy on a donkey was Saddam Hussein,
So I joked, "Be careful his horse-whip is really a rifle!"

"Pass me a hand grenade, I think there's one in the tank hatch."
"We chucked the last one an hour ago."
So I looked at my rifle, then I checked my magazine,
As the moon rode over the open sand.

"Kenny, I'm scared too," I said, for I knew he was weeping,
"My rifle is empty, I think we may die,
Look, our attackers are swarming around us ...!"
They've all gone to war on America.
All gone to war on America.
All gone to war on America.