901

OUR LAST SUMMER
By
Abba

The summer air was soft and warm
The feeling right, the Paris night
Did it's best to please us
And strolling down the Elysee
We had a drink in each cafe And you
You talked of politics, philosophy and I
Smiled like Mona Lisa
We had our chance
It was a fine and true romance

I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
Walks along the Seine, laughing in the rain
Our last summer
Memories that remain

We made our way along the river
And we sat down in the grass
By the Eiffel Tower
I was so happy we had met
It was the age of no regret
Oh yes
Those crazy years, that was the time
Of the flower-power
But underneath we had a fear of flying
Of getting old, a fear of slowly dying
We took the chance
Like we were dancing our last dance

I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
In the tourist jam, round the Notre Dame
Our last summer
Walking hand in hand

Paris restaurants
Our last summer
Morning croissants
Living for the day, worries far away
Our last summer
We could laugh and play

And now you're working in a bank
The family man, the football fan
And your name is Harry
How dull it seems
Yet you're the hero of my dreams

I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
Walks along the Seine, laughing in the rain
Our last summer
Memories that remain
I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
In the tourist jam, round the Notre Dame
Our last summer
Walking hand in hand
Paris restaurants
Our last summer
Morning croissants
We were living for the day, worries far away...

[fade]

I RECALL
By
Agnetha Faltskog.

We had our youth, we had a dream
The time was right, our flame was bright
And our talent shining;
Frida, Benny, Bjorn and me,
All made music history as we, a
Group of rural, guileless Swedes, with pert girl stars
Sung a merry ballad
Called 'Waterloo',
And it won Eurovision too!

I can still recall 'Mamma Mia',
I recall them all;
A hit with each new song, we could do no wrong,
'til that rainy
Summer came along.

I was the one they talked about, I
Was the girl with golden hair,
All the men adored me.
I was suffused with restless fame
As trusty fans called out my name.
Amazing!
Those wondrous years of starry sparkle
All seem funny and surreal,
Yet underneath, I had a fear of choosing,
Between the things, that I risked nearly losing,
I shook my head,
And left so many things unsaid.

I can still recall 'Mamma Mia',
'Winner Takes It All',
A hit with every tune,
We outshone the moon,
'til one dark day
Sorrow came so soon.

Marriages can die,
Under pressure,
True for you and I;
We just slipped apart, and it broke my heart,
It was time to
Make another start.

And now you're writing songs for shows,
A man with flair, a millionaire,
And your name is hallowed,
I shunned my fame,
Well, that's the nature of the game.

I can still recall 'Super Trouper'
'Winner Takes It All'
Now I'm a recluse - rueful? What's the use?
Life is short, it's
Time to call a truce.
Thank you all so much
For the music,
For giving it to me,
A songstress I'll remain, I'll repel my fame
I'll surrender.
My future for less pain
A songstress I'll remain
I surrender, I'll treasure
What remains.

902

We always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. THESE ARE OUR RULES! Please note these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 16 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We think you are just fine otherwise we would have said something.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.

1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it properly done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. If possible, please say whatever you have to say during that rotten commercial.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 predetermined colors, like pre-programmed Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. Men have no idea what teal or amber is.

1. If it itches, it shall be irreverently scratched. We do this. It's neat!

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying and offended; BUT it is just not worth the effort and stress. Besides men know you are a very tempersome tormentor and will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. If we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... REALLY.

1. You have enough of the best, latest clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such smart topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. Me get in shape? Remember 'round' IS a shape!

1. Thanks for reading these statements. Treatise?!? Yes, I know I have to sleep on the sofa tonight; but men really don't mind. It's like camping.

903

"MY CHERIE AMOUR"
By
Stevie Wonder

La la la la la la
La la la la la la

My Cherie Amour, lovely as a summer's day
My Cherie Amour, distant as the Milky Way
My Cherie Amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only girl my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine

In a cafe or sometimes on a crowded street
I've been near you, but you never notice me
My Cherie Amour, won't you tell me how could you ignore
That behind that little smile I wore
How I wish that you were mine

Maybe someday you'll see my face among the crowd
Maybe someday I'll share your little distant cloud
Oh, Cherie Amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only girl my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine

La la la la la la
La la la la la la

"WHICH CHERIE?"
By
Tony Blair

La la la la la loo
la la la la la loot

My Cherie has more - money, wit, celebrity
My Cherie has more, attitude than even me,
My Cherie so smart, with your eerie smile, your icy heart,
Wow! Don't think that we will ever part,
'Cause you are the same as me.

In a courtroom, articulating Human Rights,
Or the boudoir, removin' those enormous tights,
While asleep in bed, lots of wealthy schemes invade your head,
Always been there since the day we wed,
Yet I'm glad that you are mine!

Maybe some day, you'll find your true morality
Maybe some way, you'll yield to your mortality
My Cherie, amour!
Wheeler-dealer woman, I'm in awe
Utterly infatuated, you're
Totally the mate for me!

La la la la la loo
La la la la la loot.

904

A palinode is a poem in which the author retracts something written in an earlier poem.

MIT graduate Frank Gelett Burgess was an artist, art critic, poet, author, and humorist. He is famous today for his poetry, often using pseudonymns, including an odd well-known poem that says:

Reflections on a Mythic Beast Who's Quite Remarkable, at Least
I never saw a purple cow
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one!

The charming senseless twentieth-century poem became so pervasive that the man released a humorous harsh palinode message:

Confession: and a Portrait Too, Upon a Background that I Rue!
Ah, yes, I wrote the "Purple Cow"-
I'm sorry, now, I wrote it;
But I can tell you, anyhow
I'll kill you if you quote it!

Afterthought (with font shift): A penned palinode statement is warranted now, retracting an irresponsible embarrassing namesake candidate!

905

Ode to Palin

McCain made a wise choice:
The woman with the best voice.
Sarah's really very smart;
They're off to a great start!

Sarah Palinode

My, watch all the fiasco news!
I retract the aforesaid note;
Here I correct my views,
That Obama gets my vote!

906

If you still don't know what to be for Halloween, then here are ten great costumes from "film.com". All it takes is rummaging through your closet and a bit of creativity.

The Joker
No act drew as much attention this year as Heath Ledger's Joker. You'll need white face paint, black eye shadow, and temp spray hair color. A purple suit works if you can find one in a vintage shop. Apply red lipstick with your eyes closed for that maniacal touch.
* Bonus points if you get the voice down. "Wanna know how I got these scars?"

Sarah Palin
Just as there are three branches of government, there are three pieces needed to pull off Sarah Palin: glasses, a skirt suit, and a frozen-yogurt-swirl hairdo. Throw on lipstick and a flag pin and you're in business.
* Bonus points if you have bangs or a caribou carcass in tow.

Michael Phelps
You'll need a lot of self-confidence to pull this trick off. The key items are a Speedo, swim cap and goggles. Use bronzer to define your muscles so you can proudly display eight gold medals across your pecs.
* Bonus points if you bring along your mom.

Miley Cyrus
This queen of Disney is a lot more fun than those Disney princesses. Add extensions to your hair, squeeze into tight jeans and a sequined tank. Add a studded belt, cowboy boots, fingerless gloves and hoop earrings, and you're ready to pop-rock.
* Bonus points if you find a kinky guy to be your underwear model boyfriend.

Brangelina Baby
This costume works for just about any ethnicity. Dress in hip duds and brag about your globe-trotting, multi-millionaire parents. If you can, sport a faux-hawk.
* Bonus points if you find super-attractive kids to pose as your siblings.

Jonas Brothers
You'll have mobs of the hottest women worshipping you in your skinny jeans, skinny tie, skinny coat, skinny vest ... you get the idea. Wanna be legit? Wear promise rings.
* Bonus points if one of you has a glucose monitor.

Blair Waldorf
Pull that official private school uniform out of the cobwebby closet and accessorize it with preppy rediscoveries: low boots, cotton knee highs, coordinating jewelry, a good designer handbag, and the always essential headband.
* Bonus points if you adopt a pert snobbish attitude and add a Chuck Bass look-a-like prop.

Rachel Zoe
The key requirements of this costume style are huge accessories. Giant sunglasses, exaggerated wide-leg jeans, and a fluffy, faux fur vest ought to produce results. Hold a Starbucks coffee cup in your hand all night and you'll shut it down!
* Bonus points if you add the words "I die" and "bananas" to all your conversations.

Kirk Lazarus
When channeling Robert Downey Jr. in "Tropic Thunder", remember, fellows, it's quite important not to risk offending anyone. You would need camouflage fatigues, commando face paint, one realistic wig, and lots of personality for this metamorphosis. Dressing as a dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude is not easy.
* Bonus points if you bust out a hot Australian accent half-way through.

Katy Perry
Vintage flair is the key to Katy Perry's personal technique. If you happen to find a retro-inspired romper, then you're all set. Doll up your face with lots of shimmery makeup and sport some beribboned girly accessories. Remember to carry some cherry chapstick in your purse.
* Bonus points if you actually kiss a girl.