901

I Walk the Line
by Johnny Cash

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine,
I keep my eyes wide open all the time,
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds;
Because you're mine,
I walk the line.

I find it very, very easy to be true,
I find myself alone when each day is through,
Yes, I'll admit I'm a fool for you;
Because you're mine,
I walk the line.

As sure as night is dark and day is light,
I keep you on my mind both day and night,
And happiness I've known proves that it's right;
Because you're mine,
I walk the line.

You've got a way to keep me on your side,
You give me cause for love that I can't hide,
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide;
Because you're mine,
I walk the line.

I've Crossed the Line (yuk, yuk, yuk)
by Governor Mark Sanford

I hike up the Appalachian Trail,
Detour up the Argentinian tail,
Take the day off, maybe two (risk jail);
Because she's fine,
I've crossed the line.

I'm a worthy husband, holy and true,
Yet, I humiliate my wife with taboo,
Anyway, I'll admit to a woman or two;
Because she's fine,
I've crossed the line.

(Hey, hey, hey)

I'm overworked, yet underpaid,
I keep a kinky woman to get me laid,
I'll even hook up with a naughty maid;
Because she's fine,
I've crossed the line.

To point out my genuine intention,
I need to keep your attention,
My good wife I'll guiltily mention;
Because she's fine,
I've crossed the line.

(Hey, hey, hey)

902

HER DIARY

Friday, Fifteenth February.

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it could be that.

The bar was really crowded and noisy, so I suggested we find somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very detached and preoccupied so I said we should go somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just wasn't himself; he rarely laughed and he did not seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong.

He drove me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated but followed. I asked him again if there was anything the matter but he just shook his head and turned the television on.

Then, after about ten minutes of silence, I said that I was going off to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just sighed and gave a rather sad sort of smile. He did not follow me then, but later he came up, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a trifle cool, and I started to think that he might be going off me, and that perhaps he'd found someone else. Then I cried myself to sleep.


HIS DIARY

Friday, Fifteenth February.

Manchester United lost to Liverpool. Gutted. Got a shag though.

THE AUDITORY DILEMMA.

A man believed his wife wasn't hearing quite as well as she used to and thought she may need a hearing aid.

Not sure how to approach the subject, he called the family doctor to get his advice.

The doctor told him there was a simple test he could apply at home to give him (the GP) a better idea about judging the wife's hearing levels.

ÒWhat I suggest you do," said the medical man, "is stand about forty feet away, talk in a normal conversational tone, and the idea is to see if she hears you.

If not, go to about thirty feet, then twenty, and so on, in gradual stages, until you get a response."

That evening the wife was in the kitchen making dinner as usual, while the husband was in the study. He said to himself, "Right, I'm about forty feet away; let's see what happens."

In a normal tone he said, 'Mildred, what's for dinner?"

No reply.

So the husband moved a bit closer - about thirty feet, he judged - and said, "Mildred, what's for dinner?"

Still nothing.

He sidled into the dining room where he was about twenty feet from his spouse and asked, "Mildred, what's for dinner?"

Again, no reply.

He edged up to the kitchen door, just ten feet away...

"Mildred, what's for dinner?"

Still nothing.

He moved up behind her...

"Mildred, what's for dinner?"

"Goddammit, George!" She bellowed, "For the FIFTH frigging time ...CHICKEN!"

903

[Each line of this poem is an anagram of the title]

The Princess Andromeda =
Predestined as monarch
Parents admired chosen
Cad mother pans Nereids

Snatched, made prisoner
Sent, arms roped & chained
I'm stranded on sea perch

A mad serpent sic'd on her
Oh me, stranded in scrape
And I'm the scared person!

And hard serpent is come
Dread sea monster pinch!
Her predicament's sad, no?

Needs starred champion
(Standard hero specimen)
Handsome prince stared...

He panics dread monster
Did harm ocean's serpent
Monster ran, hid, escaped

Son married. [caps] THE END.

904

FOR EMILY, WHENEVER I MAY FIND HER.
By
Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel

What a dream I had
Pressed in organdy
Clothed in crinoline
Of smoky burgundy
Softer than the rain

I wandered empty streets down
Past the shop displays
I heard cathedral bells
Tripping down the alleyways
As I walked on

And when you ran to me
Your cheeks flushed with the night
We walked on frosted fields
Of juniper and lamplight
I held your hand

And when I awoke
And felt you warm and near
I kissed your honey hair
With my grateful tears
Oh I love you, girl
Oh I love you

FOR MY FAMILY IF, IN DEATH, I'M NEVER FOUND.
By
A First World War Soldier.

What a dream I had
In my trench last night,
I was home again,
With you, my bonny wife,
And no war in sight.

We skipped through poppy fields, here
In our wonderland,
I held your lovely face
In my joyful hands,
As I dreamed on.

Kathy, our bairn was there,
Young, fresh and apple-cheeked
In her pale-yellow dress,
We all played hide and seek, there
In the pure night...

Now, rudely I wake
To sounds of shells and guns,
I hear the yell ... "Attack!"
And I start to run
Out into the dark;
Oh, God save my world!

905

CONCORD HYMN

By the rude bridge that arched the flood,
Their flag to April's breeze unfurled,
Here once the embattled farmers stood,
And fired the shot heard round the world.

The foe long since in silence slept;
Alike the conqueror silent sleeps;
And Time the ruined bridge has swept
Down the dark stream which seaward creeps.

On this green bank, by this soft stream,
We set today a votive stone;
That memory may their deed redeem,
When, like our sires, our sons are gone.

Spirit that made those heroes dare
To die, and leave their children free,
Bid Time and Nature gently spare
The shaft we raise to them and thee.

REVOLUTIONS

A wheel, remember, was the start.
Let the mobility commence.
Pushed and steered the durable cart;
History in boundless motion thence!

We're the healthier, quicker way to go:
Automobiles on the desert terrain;
Lofty, feathery, the zeppelins did flow;
Dinner, high on the transatlantic plane.

Orbited on the rocket shuttle,
Entered the deep habitat of dead Red Mars.
Men disassembled the dreaded throttle;
Escaped to the diehard Trekkers' Stars!

Rehashed the forefathers' ideas on wings:
Speedy rides refashioned, rearranged.
Our hurried way of moving things,
Now machines seem forever changed.

906

[A double acrostic get-well anagram to Mick Tully]

My glass shall not persuade me I am old,
So long as youth and thou are of one date;
But when in thee time's furrows I behold,
Then look I death my days should expiate.
For all that beauty that doth cover thee
Is but the seemly raiment of my heart,
Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me:
How can I then be elder than thou art?
O, therefore, love, be of thyself so wary
As I, not for myself, but for thee will;
Bearing thy heart, which I will keep so chary
As tender nurse her babe from faring ill.
Presume not on thy heart when mine is slain;
Thou gavest me thine, not to give back again.

How can one fight off the unhealthy fear,
Each day of bothersome examinations,
As humble howls, so hurtful to the ears,
Leave one with silent hopes of liberation?
It might be very wise, though, to be bold,
Not merely for this brief and hasty ease;
Good cheer without that bleakness, truth be told,
Pays off abundantly at times like these.
Remember, then, that everywhere on earth,
One mighty remedy was proven real:
Cure any inner aching with your mirth;
Elation is a potion that's ideal.
So laugh, my friend - all maladies combined
Shan't ever wholly hurt the soul that's kind.