901

RUBY TUESDAY
By
Mick Jagger and Keith Richards.

She would never say where she came from
Yesterday don't matter if it's gone
While the sun is bright
Or in the darkest night
No one knows
She comes and goes

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...

Don't question why she needs to be so free
She'll tell you it's the only way to be
She just can't be chained
To a life where nothing's gained
And nothing's lost
At such a cost

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...

There's no time to lose, I heard her say
Catch your dreams before they slip away
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...

EULOGY - KEITH RICHARDS.
Insane? Senile?- One Unusual Guy!

Hey, I never said I was a saint,
Hubby and role model, I just ain't!
Rock has been my life,
More than my kids and wife,
And who can tell,
The drugs as well?

I'm in my new heyday,
Who can stay as young as me,
When Ron Woods retires to Bournemouth,
I'll be doing gigs still.

You question why I'm always off my head,
The doctors say, "Uh-huh, you should be dead!"
High on drugs and Scotch,
And vodka on the rocks,
They're joy, they're fun,
Hey! I can't die young!

I'm in my new heyday!
Who can stay as young as me,
When Ron Woods retires to Bournemouth,
I'll be doing gigs still.

McCartney, you belong to yesterday,
Pete Townshend, you're outdated anyway,
The Bee Gees want a rest,
They need to convalesce,
The boys feel rough
They have a cough.

I'm in my new heyday,
Who can stay as young as me,
When Ron Woods retires to Bournemouth,
I'll be doing gigs still.

902

TEARS, IDLE TEARS

Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean.
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy Autumn-fields,
And thinking on the days that are no more.

HAUNTED

Hear Tennyson's thoughts in moving poetry
On that enemy, transient time, or see elsewhere
Within art, one artist Millais, dark images.
Alike, they had to ponder fate: a rose perhaps
That faded... or, indeed, think of death.

903

A Sonnet Upon Sonnets
Robert Burns

Fourteen, a sonneteer thy praises sings;
What magic myst'ries in that number lie!
Your hen hath fourteen eggs beneath her wings
That fourteen chickens to the roost may fly.
Fourteen full pounds the jockey's stone must be;
His age fourteen - a horse's prime is past.
Fourteen long hours too oft the Bard must fast;
Fourteen bright bumpers - bliss he ne'er must see!
Before fourteen, a dozen yields the strife;
Before fourteen - e'en thirteen's strength is vain.
Fourteen good years - a woman gives us life;
Fourteen good men - we lose that life again.
What lucubrations can be more upon it?
Fourteen good measur'd verses make a sonnet.

At fourteen, horses no longer gave me joy;
At fourteen, I was obsessed with the neighbor's boy.
At fourteen, blemishes began to blossom.
At fourteen, I thought hamburgers were so awesome,
At fourteen, non-nurturing foodstuff, by any token!
At fourteen, I was shy, even less outspoken;
At fourteen, I spent summer sun months on shore.
At fourteen, I hungered, being hungry for much more.
At fourteen, I became chubby and shapeless;
At fourteen, it meant I felt pathetic, restless.
At fourteen, I met harsh scorn and sneers,
At fourteen, dressing in grungy clothes, unlike peers.
At fourteen, I deserved Mother's stress, strife;
At fourteen, I began to philosophize on life.

904

THE DISOBEDIENT WIFE.

A police officer pulls over a speeding car, and says, 'I clocked you exceeding the speed limit at ninety miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Hell, officer I had it on cruise control at sixty, perhaps that radar gun needs calibrating?'

Not looking up from her knitting the man's wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know this car does not have cruise control.'

As the officer is writing out the ticket, the driver looks at his wife and hisses, 'Martha, can you please keep that big mouth shut for a change?'

The wife smiles demurely and replies, 'And you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector, the man glares at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Dammit, woman, why don't you just keep your stupid mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'Oh yes, and I notice that you are not wearing your seat belt, sir. That is an automatic seventy-five pound fine.'

The man says, 'Oh... well, see officer, I had it on, but I had to take it off when you pulled me over so I could get my licence out of my wallet.'

The wife says, 'Now, now dear, we both know full well that you definitely didn't have the seat belt on. And, indeed, you never wear it when you're driving.'

Then, while the police officer is writing out the third ticket the man turns to his wife again and barks, 'OH, HELL, MARTHA! WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT THE F*** UP!?'

The officer looks at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, madam?'

'Only when he's pissed.'

THE OBEDIENT WIFE.

There was a successful man, who'd worked all his life, saved up lots of cash, and was really miserly when it came to money.

Just before he died, he told his servile wife, "After I've gone, I want you to go and round up all my money, and put it in the coffin with my body so I can take it to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise with all her heart, that after he died, she would definitely not forget to put the money in the coffin. "I won't," she assured him.

Soon afterwards, he passed away.

The day before the funeral, he lay stretched out, lifeless, in a velvet-lined coffin. His sorrowful wife sat nearby - dressed in black - with her trusty friend, Katy, sitting next to her. When they'd paid their respects, and the funeral undertakers were getting ready to close the coffin, the wife said, "Sorry... could you wait for just a minute?"

She produced a small wooden box, which she carried over and put in the casket. Then the undertakers' assistants locked the coffin and rolled it away.

"My goodness, Ursula!" her friend said, "Surely you weren't foolish enough to put all of that money in with your husband's body?"

Ursula replied, "Look, Katy, you know I'm not an unscrupulous person, I'm a good, giving Christian; I couldn't go back on my word. I promised that I was going to put the money in the casket with him."

"Sorry... you mean to tell me you've actually put the cash in the casket?" said Katy.

"I have," said the wife. "I got it all together as asked, put it into my bank account, and wrote him a check... If he can cash it, then he can have it."

905

OCTOBER
by Robert Frost

O hushed October morning mild,
Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;
Tomorrow's wind, if it be wild,
Should waste them all.
The crows above the forest call;
Tomorrow they may form and go.
O hushed October morning mild,
Begin the hours of this day slow.
Make the day seem to us less brief.
Hearts not averse to being beguiled,
Beguile us in the way you know.
Release one leaf at break of day;
At noon release another leaf;
One from our trees, one far away.
Retard the sun with gentle mist;
Enchant the land with amethyst.
Slow, slow!
For the grapes' sake, if the were all,
Whose elaves already are burnt with frost,
Whose clustered fruit must else be lost--
For the grapes' sake along the all.

Forefathers hear my voice as
I bless nuggets that were cast.
Like folks before me,
I see books of the past.
Photos tell about aches,
I dream of a better now.
New blood fills the instant;
Old age lines the brow.
As faultless and bowed
Memories will follow me...
Engaging the heartbeats
Remember to be free.
I long for a mother's country
Cradled in my fallow love,
Anchored deep in her roots,
Nurtured by the sun above,
"How full was my heart?"
I hear the subtlest call.
Soon forgotten, look ahead...
The shadows grow so tall.
Oh, the awkward thoughts
Return to my youth.
Yesterday is forever lost;
My future is the truth.
On the edge, beyond the sea
Never near, always far.
Traditions will remain...
Home is where we are.