901

YOU ARE OLD FATHER WILLIAM
by Lewis Carroll

"You are old, Father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head -
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door -
Pray, what is the reason for that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his gray locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment - one shilling the box -
Allow me to sell you a couple?"

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak-
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose -
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down-stairs!"

YOU'RE A FATHER, YOUNG WILLIAM
Ode On A Hypothetical Royal Chat

"You're a father, young William," Her Majesty said,
"And the fifth Duke of Cambridge as well;
Though I see that you're losing the hair on your head,
You've at least sired a boy and a gel.

"Your high place is assured as a king, it is true
And that Kate was a fine gel to marry,
So now that the future is settled for you,
Would you please have a chat with young Harry?

"Like Diana, he's feisty, he has no respect,
(Oh, your mother was toxic, I knew it),
And that gingery mane on his head, I detect
Contains hues of the loathsome James Hewitt!

"I am not being huffy, we royals have flaws,
I've a notion your daddy's no monk,
Look, your grandpa's a playboy, yet he's ninety-four,
(But, you see, he's invariably drunk!)

"Now, young Harry, I think, is cast in the same mould,
Yet he is oddly unsuited to love,
Cressida, Chelsey, they both left me cold,
But, you see, they have no royal blood!

"Though it pains one to say it, the boy is a brat,
He is awfully quick to offend,
And his pants will come orf at the drop of a hat,
Heaven only knows where it will end.

"As a senior sibling, your duty's defined,
You must issue a royal decree:
Say you're jolly annoyed that he won't toe the line,
Would you do that one favour for me?"

"You are old, my dear grandmama," William sighed,
"And somewhat outdated and prim;
I won't lecture Harry - it's not that I'm shy,
But the truth is... I wish I was him!"

902

Dog Rules

Bark as if no one can hear you
Catch every ball on the fly
Wag 'til you knock something over
Sleep on a sofa nearby
Jump like the sky is the limit
Sit by the fire with friends
Stay with the people who love you
Run like the road never ends

The Cat Rules

Evoke an air of froideur,
Upon oak furniture, scratch to hell!
Hey, piss by the neighbor's roses,
Why, honk on the carpet as well!
Slink home at unholy times,
Leave key "gifts" on the bed.
Enjoy waking everybody,
Miaow plaintively, 'til fed!

903

AMAZING GRACE

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Chorus:
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.

Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope secures;
He will my Shield and Portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who called me here below,
Will be forever mine.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’d first begun.

Lyrics: English poet, clergyman and slave trader John Newton

UGH! RACHEL DOLEZAL

Ugh! Rachel Dolezal - white woman President of NAACP
Was given so much flak
For cultural insensitivitee
She forgets she was white, now she's black

Parents were white - Lawrence and Ruthanne's
Child was "born in a teepee"
Talent? Drew self-portraits with brown crayons
She thought she was a picaninnee

Arts graduate from Howard Universitee
Became a fan of lovely 'Mystic Tan'
As teenager showed negro affinitee
Melanosomes? She observed "I don't stay out of the sun"

Blurts judgmentally "Nothing about being white
Describes who I am" she said
PS We white peoples got a fright
When we saw braids on her head

'My favourites: film "Twelve Years A Slave",
Obama, Jim Crow legislation,
Sammy Davis, Beyonce, Bo Diddley, Miles Davis
Halle Berry and ethnic segregation'

'Want to be a voluntaree negress
Eat soul food - hominee grits, mustard greens
Ugh - don't want to cause them distress
Sincerelee regret the embarassing scenes'

"OHHHHHH MA GAAADDDD! OOOHHHHH LAWWDDD!"
"SHE'S KEEPIN' IT REEAALLLL!"
"OOOHHHHH LAWWDDD!"
UGH! CRY "MENTAL! GO! RACHEL DOLEZALLL!!!"

Snafu

904

'Black Or White' - Michael Jackson

I took my baby on a Saturday bang
Boy is that girl with you
Yes we're one and the same

Now I believe in miracles
And a miracle has happened tonight
But, if you're thinkin' about my baby
It don't matter if you're black or white

They print my message
In the Saturday Sun
I had to tell them
I ain't second to none

And I told about equality
And it's true
Either you're wrong or you're right
But if you're thinkin' about my baby
It don't matter if you're black or white

I am tired of this devil
I am tired of this stuff
I am tired of this business
So when the going gets rough
I ain't scared of your brother
I ain't scared of no sheets
I ain't scared of nobody
Girl when the goin' gets mean

Protection
For gangs, clubs and nations
Causing grief in human relations
It's a turf war on a global scale
I'd rather hear both sides of the tale
See, it's not about races
Just places
Faces
Where your blood comes from
Is where your space is
I've seen the bright get duller
I'm not going to spend my life being a color

Don't tell me you agree with me
When I saw you kicking dirt in my eye
But if you're thinkin' about my baby
It don't matter if you're black or white
I said if you're thinkin' of being my baby
It don't matter if you're black or white
I said if you're thinkin' of being my brother
It don't matter if you're black or white

Yea yea yea now!
It's black, it's white,
It's tough for you to get by!
It's black, it's white,
It's black, it's white,
It's tough for you to get by!
It's black, it's white!

"I'm Black, Not White"

- Absolute rubbish by Rachel D. (some self-righteous beige American fruitloop with one or two key identity issues):

I hit the tanning studio, downtown Spokane,
But I fried my snow-white butt to dark as a drain.
I too be like a tribal sista,
I gotta struggle, I gotta fight our good fight!
But if you want to be my homey, babe,
Then you gotta be anything but white.

My old folks ruined the story,
They be like, I is "straight, blonde".
They be like, "the entire N.A.A.C.P. you have conned!"
Now I "identify" as funky negro tail,
Because I done grown up eating grits in a shack.
Oh no, for sho' I ain't no honky,
But against me, Edgar Winter's black!

Yo! I sure be tired of that factor-fifty cream,
Yo! I be tired of calling the media's bluff,
Yo! I sure be tired of trying to co-ordinate
My collar to my cuff!

Yo! Sure, my white heritage is beneath me!
Yo! Sure, the Teutonic surname seriously sucks!
Yo! Sure, I habitually play the immigrant card,
But to earn me serious bucks.

(the rap bit):

"I fight society's white-biased racist agenda,
In my bushy corn-braid African hair,
Today I rewrite my entire racial identity,
To dark-toned, from skin naturally most fair.
I'm of African-American ethnic origin,
I'm a bit Indian squaw, or Jew...but NOT white.
For every ethnic minority here in Washington State,
About the 'hood, we tirelessly fight!
Yo, brother! I'm down with this ebonic ghetto street talk,
I be like, you dig my urban city roots?
Man, I do just LOVE my basketball!
Hey babe, let's go to shoot us a few hoops!"

905

As a decrepit father takes delight
To see his active child do deeds of youth,
So I, made lame by Fortune's dearest spite,
Take all my comfort of thy worth and truth;
For whether beauty, birth, or wealth, or wit,
Or any of these all, or all, or more,
Entitled in thy parts, do crowned sit,
I make my love engrafted to this store:
So then I am not lame, poor, nor despised,
Whilst that this shadow doth such substance give
That I in thy abundance am sufficed,
And by a part of all thy glory live.
Look what is best, that best I wish in thee:
This wish I have; then ten times happy me!

For Father's Day, I oftentimes do get
Another stripey necktie with a clip,
That thousandth fruitcake, old-time hobby kit,
Hand-molded ashtray with a little chip;
Else handy tools to tidy up the yard,
Restore the cars, or tend the barbecue;
Some pithy oaths within a vivid card,
'Dad's number one!' 'World's best!' to name a few,
And warm thoughts for a day of ease for me.
Yet whether weighty, childish, vast or small,
Gifts anyhow are not the point to see;
It's suitable to smile upon them all.
For fathers know the one that lies above
The rest is simply this: a child's love.

906

HOLY CITY
Marjory Wentworth

"Only love can conquer hate."

Let us gather and be silent together like stones glittering in sunlight, so bright it hurts our eyes, emptied of tears, and searching the sky for answers.

Let us be strangers together as we gather in circles wherever we need to stand, hand-in-hand, and sing hymns to the heavens and pray to the fallen.

And speak their names: Clementa, Cynthia, Tywanza, Ethel, Sharonda, Daniel, Myra, Suzie, and DePayne.

They are not alone. As bells in the spires calls across the wounded Charleston sky, we close our eyes and listen to the same stillness ringing in our hearts, holding on to one another, like brothers, like sisters, because we know that wherever there is love, there is God.

THE IRONY, THE HERESY, THE AGONY

As Rachel Dolezal here wants to be someone black,
Many heathen terrorists sharpen their used knives
And transgressors quietly hatch their threatening attack.
Zapping senselessly, they slay nine precious ethereal lives.

I see the astute Black Man in the renowned White House --
Now do we as a nation earnestly honor, respect an Obama?
Gods rekindle yesterday's lynching torches we must douse;
Growing the hellish hate, swelling the smoldering drama.

Rousing the residents there in the shocked town
And we on the streets who are still ruthlessly living.
Confederate flags, truth and restraint are loosely taken down;
Even colorblind juries, attorneys and Satan can't be forgiving.

907

Notable events that occurred in June of this year:
Caitlyn Jenner debuts hot features on a hit cover.
Undone in a hunt of soccer thievery, a Blatter jets.
Horse led act of victory, unbeaten in three jaunts.
Been of our interest: hunt to catch NY jail evaders.

That drive for the US election: Jeb announces a try.
Nine shot to death over race by a sinful reject nut.
South unravelin' their nasty Confederate object.
Even Justice Roberts found ACA (or intent) healthy.
Bans end there at the Court. Justice for any in love!