A wife was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her lover when she suddenly heard the husband's car pull into the drive.
"Quick!" she shouted at the lover. "Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband has come home early!"
The man looked out the window in alarm and protested: "That's crazy! I can't possibly do that! It's raining hard and I'm stark naked!"
"I don't bloody care about that," screamed the woman hysterically; "If my husband finds you here, he'll skin us both alive!"
Still protesting, the lover reluctantly grabbed his clothes, scooted over to the bedroom window and leapt straight out...
He landed, unscathed, on the street below and to his amazement found himself in the middle of a bunch of marathon runners. Hoping to blend in with them, despite being naked, he started to jog along, carrying his clothes over one arm.
"Hello," greeted one of the other runners, "hey, no offence buddy, but d'you always run in the buff?"
Thinking on his feet, the lover replied breathlessly: "Oh, yes; I like to feel all that fresh air wafting against my skin when I jog."
"I see... but, do you usually run with clothes over your arm?" said the athlete.
"Oh yes, always," panted the lover. "That means I can get dressed after the race, hop into my car, and drive straight home without needing to have a shower first."
"Yes, I suppose that does make sense," the athlete said, "but do you always wear a condom when you run?"
ďOnly if itís raining.Ē
A wife had her lover in during the afternoons while her husband was out at work.
One day, her nine-year-old son was hiding up in the closet during one of his mum's romps while the unaware couple were entwined in eager passion. Suddenly, the woman heard her husband's car pulling into the drive, so she quickly hid the lover in the closet.
The little boy said, "It's dark in here."
The man whispered, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I've got a baseball."
Man - "Er... that's nice."
Boy - "Wanna buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's just outside."
Man - "I see... OK, how much?"
Boy - "Two-hundred-and-fifty dollars."
A few weeks later, it transpired that the boy and the lover found themselves in the closet again.
Boy - "It's dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I've got a baseball glove."
Man - Recalling the last meeting the lover groaned, "How much?"
Boy - "Seven-hundred-and-fifty dollars."
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father said to the son, "Get your ball and glove, junior, we'll go outside and play baseball."
The boy replied, "I can't, I've sold them."
"Huh?" frowned the puzzled father. "Just how much did you sell them for?"
The son said, "A thousand dollars."
"What!?" the father raged, "That's awful; you mustn't overcharge your friends like that. It's much more than those items are worth. I am gonna take you to church and make you confess right now."
They went to the church and the father sent the boy into the confessional booth and closed the door.
The boy whispered, "It's dark in here."
The priest said: "Don't you start that crap again!"