901

WEDDING DAY
By
The Bee Gees

We both acknowledge what we came here for
We take each other and walk through the open door
From the first time that I saw you
To the way you look tonight
I was shaken by your spirit
I was blinded by your light

And the world that I used to see is gone without a trace
Replaced by your eyes and the smile upon your face
And I will not turn away
'Cause you might disappear
I was haunted by your heart
And I felt that you were here

And funny when the time is right
When lightning strikes
You're not alone
Baby, I will pray for you my whole life through
This day

We'll be together
Husband and wife
Now and forever
The rest of our lives
Well, take me to Heaven
Take me tonight
There is nothing words can say
On this our wedding day

Oh, now is the hour, now is the sowing of the seed
I will take tomorrow
I will lay it at your feet
And the two of us escape from the sadness of the world
From the thunder and the darkness
From the hunger and the hurt

You know I will remember well the mission bell
That rings your name
And baby there could never be
A memory like you

We'll be together
Husband and wife
Now and forever
Lovers for life
Well, take me to Heaven
Take me tonight
There is nothing words can say
On this our wedding day

This is my pledge to you
I will follow through to the end
And we will find another plane
We'll be home again
And tonight I'm going to find true love, true love

We'll be together
Husband and wife
Now and forever
Lovers for life
Well, take me to Heaven
Take me tonight
There is nothing words can say
On this our wedding day
This our wedding day

WEDDING OF WOE

I was fine with 'promise to cherish'
And ok with 'death us do part',
It's what the vicar said after,
That made the fireworks start.

'You're man and wife, now you are one,'
Like we were some, well, mutation!
But, no, I'm me and Wendy's her
That's the sum situation!

Wendy saw my bulldog frown,
And shot me a full-on glare,
When I was about to protest,
Her eyes warned don't you dare!

'Rev,' I whispered, 'what do you mean?'
'Er... pardon?' he whispered back.
'What do you mean 'now we are one'?'
I grunted, on the attack.

'United in the eyes of God,
Now you're one,' he sighed.
'No! Wen is one, and I am one,
Then that makes two,' I replied.

'Button it!' growled Wendy, frowning,
'No,' I growled back, 'it's daft!
For if we both are really one
Then each of us must be half!'

'Button it!' said a rough, low voice,
(Had Wendy gone baritone?)
No, 'twas her thug father, Reg
With one fist under my nose.

'Do you know what this wedding cost me?'
He growled in a bullying way,
'Yep!' I yelled (though I felt none too brave!)
'Hell, you tell me every day!'

Then, in this flow of bullish talk,
I blurted, 'Reg, time to tell...
I've been having it off for a year now,
With your wife, my ma-in-law, Nell.'

'Huh?' croaked Wendy. 'Huh?' croaked Reg,
'He's telling the truth!' yelled Nell.
'Ok,' sighed Reg, 'to tell the truth,
'I'm having it off as well.

'With Nell's twin sister Holly Gough,
It's been going on for years!'
Then Wendy turned to look at me,
Her blue eyes full of tears...

'Sorry, hon, I'm doing it too,
With your best man, Greg Kildare!'
Everybody gasped with shock,
To hear all these truths laid bare.

'Oh, hell,' I wryly shook my head,
'So, everyone here is tainted,
Bar the Rev and our pageboy Hugh.'
And that's when the vicar fainted...

902

Stormy Weather

Don't know why
There's no sun up in the sky
Stormy weather
Since my man and I ain't together
Keeps rainin' all the time
Life is bare
Gloom and misery everywhere
Stormy weather
Just can't get my poor self together
I'm weary all the time, the time
So weary all the time
When he went away, the blues walked in and met me
If he stays away, old rocking chair will get me
All I do is pray the Lord above will let me
Walk in the sun once more
Can't go on
All I have in life is gone
Stormy weather
Since my man and I ain't together
Keeps rainin' all the time
Keeps rainin' all the time
I walk around, heavy-hearted and sad
Night comes around, I'm still feelin' bad
Rain pourin' down, blindin' every hope I had
This pitterin', patterin', beatin' and spatterin' drives me mad
Love, love, love, love
This misery is just too much for me
Can't go on
Everything I had is gone
Stormy weather
Since my man and I ain't together
Keeps rainin' all the time
Keeps rainin' all the time

In Slovenia

I was a mouse
I was born Melanija Knavs
In Slovenia
I became a planner, model, gold digger
Breast implants, dental veneers
I'm an enigma
We don't believe in karma
In Slovenia
Somehow I met Mr T (Donald Trump)
I wanted to make myself richer
So much richer
He tried to enlist but heel spurs deferred his draft
Went to Fordham University but he was daft
Ninny's a graduate with science degree
Economics major (LOL!)
He likes porn
Wants me to wear the strap-on
In Slovenia
When he and Stormy got together
I needed time apart
I needed time apart
I stay in Trump Tower with my special son
I polish the kinky leather strap-on
I hate tyranny, the orange toupee, the fake tan
Trysts, kinky talk, the little mitts and willy all make me insane
Hate, hate, hate, hate
I yell angrily "We never see eye to eye!"
I loathe her/him
Hell! I yell "I'd rather go to the gym!"
In Slovenia
Grrr! I yell "I'm no longer in love with him!"
Why no intimacy with me?
Why no intimacy with me?

903

VALENTINE
by
Carol Ann Duffy

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or a kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

BALLANTINE'S
Finest
Blended Scotch Whisky.

I long to visit your regular pub, George.

I like to sip your poison now.
Soft.
Sweet.

I sense a provision of proof,
in pursuit of selected malt
and grain whiskies
aged for many years in casks.

Light gold colour,
unmistakable taste.

I feel your beautiful body in my mouth.
With interweaving tones
of rich milk chocolate,
red apple, vanilla.

I lust for an initial after-taste.
Elegant kind,
Lingering with a floral glow.

No rival,
I prefer savoring your spirit.

I like you on the rocks or neat.

I saw your Royal Warrant.
I often win in life.

904

It's all I have to bring today –
This, and my heart beside –
This, and my heart, and all the fields –
And all the meadows wide –
Be sure you count – should I forget
Some one the sum could tell –
This, and my heart, and all the Bees
Which in the Clover dwell.

It's all that you said - you dunderhead
That, and the bills as well
That, and the ill-made bed - the smell
The slovenly habits
Mimic then, an ugly, cheesy fool
The ominous corner in the shed -
Where active woodworm drill
And I see fat grubs, dead.

905

[John Donne's Holy Sonnet 10 ("Death Be Not Proud") is anagrammed into a poem inspired by our late awardsmaster Larry Brash which also pays tribute to him in several ways, detailed below:]

John Donne's Death Be Not Proud

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou'art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

Tomes Kept By A Master Poet

He stocks the breadth of joy profound,
Those hallowed wealths of plot and ode,
Within the archives set around
That study at his old abode.
He'll note Wilde's potent novelty
Then ponder Blake's unstable tone,
Or sip one dash of morning tea
And, peaceful, read The Bard alone.
It's no surprise that such a soul
Would note the force behind most works;
The human touch preserved them whole
And touch does have some worthy perks.
And when our shy and standout man
Remembers folks whom he once knew,
No truth feels more compelling than
A latent truth which still holds true:
Most poets' charms stayed strong and pure;
Though they are dead, the wit endures.

[The poem mentions Oscar Wilde, William Blake and Shakespeare specifically since they were Larry's favorite fodder for literary and poetic anagrams. But the poem itself is also a graphic tribute to him; an A (our Anagrammy Awards logo) can be drawn in the monospaced anagram text using three specific phrases:]


Tomes Kept By A Master Poet

He stocks the breadth of joy profound,
Those hallowed wealths of plot and ode,
Within the archives set around
That study at his old abode.
He'll note Wilde's potent novelty
Then ponder Blake's unstable tone,
Or sip one dash of morning tea
And, peaceful, read The Bard alone.
It's no surprise that such a soul
Would note the force behind most works;
The human touch preserved them whole
And touch does have some worthy perks.
And when our shy and standout man
Remembers folks whom he once knew,
No truth feels more compelling than
A latent truth which still holds true:
Most poets' charms stayed strong and pure;
Though they are dead, the wit endures.