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Shakespeare's Sonnet No. 163
From fairest creatures we desire increase,
But wherefore do not you a mightier way
To sharply jinx a dozen squealing geese?
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May;
Is it for fear to wet a widow's eye
And sable curls all silver'd o'er with white,
Leaving thee living in posterity
To change your day of youth to sullied night?
That this huge stage presenteth nought but shows
When I behold the violet past prime
Makes me declare I shall reform your nose -
And do whate'er thou wilt, swift-footed Time;
Still sane, her northern ferrets never cry -
It's highly clear the end was likely nigh.
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The Hawaiian Holiday of Easter
The aloe ferns grow high when Winter dies
In icy Honolulu everywhere;
Till nearly April 31st, they'd rise
On tropic moors so stuffed with Tundra bears.
Near houses decked with wreaths, the Solstice singers
Sing each of Oprah's festive tunes with glee,
Then read Neruda's book of springtime zingers
And eat that Nordic treat of buns with ghee.
Hear every kid's exploding Easter egg,
Then idly waste this Tuesday holiday;
Enjoy the emu's 6th flight - but I beg:
Please, have no fear of liquid Summer rays;
Once every tomtit growls, I know too well
No ray would melt our Terra's metal shell.
[This 'Easter poem' is actually parodic and more in the spirit of April Fools' Day.
Every line in it contains at least one statement that's factually incorrect, illogical or incongruous (there's no frost in Honolulu, there's no April 31st etc.), and even its constraints are mostly red herrings:
- The first letters in each line (read from bottom to top) spell out: Nope, that's not it;
- The first letters of each second word spell out: Ain't here either;
- And reading down each capitalized letter within each line spells out: What sonnet is it?
The last acrostic draws attention to the subject itself, which at second glance seems just as nonsensical:
There is no sonnet 163 (Shakespeare's sonnet collection only goes up to 154), the lines seem out of place and 4 of them seem downright nonsensical.
In actuality, 10 of these lines are from eight different Shakespeare sonnets:
Sonnets 1, 16, 18, 9, 12, 6, 15, 15, 12 & 19, respectively.
And when those numbers are converted into letters using a simple A=1...Z=26 cipher, they form:
1-16-18-9-12-6-15-15-12-19 = A-P-R-I-L-F-O-O-L-S
...which is the final constraint. :)]
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