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Once upon a time, there was this horse named Boris.
Boris used to be a famous race horse. He had won countless trophies, and was famous across the world.
Then, suddenly at the peak of his career, Boris was involved in the most terrible accident. His private jet was hijacked and crashed,
and only Boris survived. He was really despondent and depressed. His friends, and his family...they had all been lost in one fell swoop.
He vowed that he would never race again
Boris left his job, and found a farmer, Old Farmer John who agreed to take him in. He loved Boris and treated him exactly like a son.
However, the incident in Boris’ past had turned him into a recluse. He was fearful and he spent each day alone out there in the barn.
Old Farmer John took pity on Boris, and being concerned he decided to do something.
Each and every week, he would go to the town to sell his produce there. And he consistently set aside a little amount of cash for Boris.
And every week, he would also buy Boris a present, in the hope that the horse would be reminded of the wonderful life he'd had before,
and be happy again.
He bought him a spanking new CD player and a shiny new computer.
But the best thing he ever gave Boris was this:
Ten gallons of beer.
Let me explain how this came to be:
On his frequent trips to town, Old Farmer John used to regularly pass a pub they called The Fine Race Horse, and among the many who
enjoyed a drink there, it was famed for having excellent beer, probably the best in the world. It was okay but tiny and so only visited by
a few people, sadly forcing it one day to close.
And so when Old Farmer John heard about this, he went into the town, spoke to the old owner and then agreed to buy all of his beer.
And so John came back one day and gave Boris the pub's beer that he'd bought. He’d never seen Boris so happy.
And then for months, Boris would talk about this pub beer, and how it was the best gift he’d ever had.
And then one day, Old Farmer John came home with a new guitar. And Boris recalled the CD player and his favorite songs.
Then he picked up the guitar, and began playing a song. And he was really very good indeed.
After hearing this Old Farmer John said:
“That's the best thing I have ever heard. You should go out into town and see the record company about starting a band!”
At first, Boris was rather hesitant. However, eventually he decided that he had been a recluse for far too long. And now it was indeed the
time for him to rise to fame again!
So he grabbed his guitar and then hotfooted it into the town.
On the way there, he met this pig by the name of David, and David could play the drums.
Like Boris, David too was trying to make his name as a musician.
So Boris the horse said:
"Hey, why don't we team up and make a band, we're keen, intelligent animals with talent. We could be the next big thing!"
David agreed, and the two of them continued on into the town.
At the next stop, this Hen called Sophie got on. And she liked to sing.
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She knew just about all the words to Abba's...and all the songs in the world!
And so Boris the Horse and David the Pig went over to Sophie the Hen and said:
"Why don't we just join up and go make a jobbing band? After all, we're all animals with a talent. We could be the next big thing!"
And Sophie agreed, and the trio then went down to a local record store, and started their band.
And they were an instant hit. They became a worldwide phenomenon almost overnight. Unbelievable! They scored television deals and album
sponsorships, and once again Boris had reached the life of fame.
They toured with all sorts of famous bands, appearing alongside the likes of The Rolling Stones and E.L.O.
And then, one day, they got the biggest deal of their lives. Massive!
They got invited to go on a world tour. They would play their expressive music in every country on earth. By the time they were done, the
whole world would know their name.
And so they went from one country to the next, playing their music every step of the way.
They played in just about every city and in every major town. And the Horse, the Hen and the Pig became a household name.
And when they got back home from abroad, they knew they had reached the peak of their careers.
And they kept touring, playing in many countries all over the globe.
But one sad day, everything changed.
One day, before they were set to fly out to Barbados for their next musical performance, Boris received a phone call from a hospital in his
home town.
And Boris found out that Old Farmer John, a brave, capable nonagenarian had alas, died.
So he decided to head back home so he could bury the man he treated like a pa. So he said to Sophie and David:
"You go on ahead, I'll be with you in a day or two."
So the Pig and the Hen went off in their private jet, and Boris the Horse went home to bury 'dad', Old Farmer John.
But when he got home, he was in for a shock.
He received a call from his agent, and discovered that the private jet that David and Sophie were on had exploded in a freak accident, and
there were no survivors.
Boris was sad, bereft, beside himself with grief.
For the second time in his life, he'd lost firm friends, pals...everyone he loved. What a blow.
Boris became withdrawn and depressed, stumbled into his old barn, and decided to take his own life.
But then he saw something that stopped him.
Because in the old barn, was the huge tank that once contained the ten gallons of pub beer.
And so Boris decided that instead of suicide, he would quaff a few drinks, and would go on and turn his life around.
So Boris goes into town, and sees The Fine Race Horse pub, and underneath the sign on the door, he sees a sign which says "GRAND PUB RE-OPENING!"
And Boris knows that this is where he will have beers; forget his problems and his blues, escape bedlam and attempt to readjust and turn his life around.
So Boris the Horse enters the bar. The barman takes a look at him, and then asks him:
"Why the long face?"
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