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'Twas the Night Before Christmas
(the full text by Clement Clarke Moore)
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
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'Twas the Night Before Christmas, Facebook Edition
(with credit to author Linda Sharps)
'Twas Christmas on Facebook, when all through the house
Each child's mother was settled in a nightgown, and clicking on a mouse.
The funny Instagram filter had been chosen with care,
In the hopes that an enhanced photo will get the kinfolks' share.
Every proud parent wished to show hilarious stuff the kids had said;
So much to be documented, and then threads to be read!
Junior's high school kickoff and newborn infant Hannah's swaddled nap.
And each adult faithfully geo-tagged on the navigational map.
When elsewhere, off-screen, there rose an awful clatter,
I shut off the laptop to see what was the matter.
Away from my desk I was determined to explore;
Blinking in the blinding non-LCD light, I ran to the door.
The new-fallen snow made the town look like a wonderland! I will write a post!
Then, I thought I'd had a drunk delusion, random hypnosis, or beheld a nightmarish ghost;
I shivered, when what to my astonished eyes should appear,
But a jingling sleigh, an odd unshorn goblin, and eight dwarf reindeer!
As chubby Santa climbed free from the apparatus,
I wished to hashtag an exaggerated status,
But, faster than my nimble thumbs type, his interjection came,
"Hush!" Then, with a shrill whistle, he called his herd by name!
"Now, Friend Me! now, Like Me! now, Poke Me! now Share!
Now, Indignant Rant! now, Silly Pet Video! now, Uninspiring Prayer!
To the peak of the roof! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
I held the phone high, clicking the photo app,
Then, suddenly on my left shoulder came a fatherly tap.
I realized that my post would be belated,
When I'd describe the visit like this: "It was complicated!"
He looked forlorn, that Santa, all told,
When he warned me my updates were getting quite old,
With the worn-out Someecards, the known jokes of George Takei's,
The fourteenth hairstylist check-in, (with this, he rolled his eyes!)
He yawned, "The cheesy cat videos, worthless drama, Don's news retweets...so corny!
You're tarnishing my news feed with statuses that bore me."
His mouth, like a bow, was drawn up to let fly,
And he gave me the crushing Santa Claus Stink Eye!
With no words, he scrolled with the browser,
Considered my Timeline, and hitched up his trousers.
He chortled an intellectual insult, "Oh, how banal!"
Furrowed his forehead, and deleted my Wall!
Washing down a ninth sandwich with a healthy shake, he hastened to his sleigh and gave a whistle.
In a flash they all flew skyward like an emoji of a missile,
Nonetheless, I heard him exclaim, "Ho, Ho, Ho! With all respect, you have been one helluva hostess!
JOYFUL FACEBOOK TO ALL! (And, I have a hunch that none of you will repost this!)"
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