Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 1999
1st - Larry Brash with:
Anagramming is a waste of fucking time =
We are kings of magic mutatings. I'm a fan.
eq.2nd - David Bourke with:
Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease =
Crazed, I? Just old beefsteak!
eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Mental Disorder =
Lose mind, retard?
Don P. Fortier with:
Frailty, thy name is woman =
I try "A wolf, thy name is man."
Jon Gearhart with:
Appetizer =
Prize pate.
Meyran Kraus with:
The Snooker Professionals =
Sense finer pool-sharks, too.
Meyran Kraus with:
A Golden Retriever =
Revere reliant dog.
Janet Muggeridge with:
A get well card =
We get a Dr call.
Janet Muggeridge with:
Mashed potatoes =
A smoothed paste.
Janet Muggeridge with:
Political correctness is my middle name =
Pilloried ideals: term a cynic's comments.
Janet Muggeridge with:
Political correctness =
Or I call, "Resist concept!"
Janet Muggeridge with:
A bunch of flowers =
Won blush for face.
Mick Tully with:
Chest-expander =
Chap extenders.
1st - David Bourke with:
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band =
Crap LP sung by the LSD-prone Beatles.
2nd - Don P. Fortier with:
Disneyland's Magic Kingdom =
Mickey's singing, Donald mad.
3rd - Janet Muggeridge with:
My Sony Playstation =
Nasty noisy palm-toy.
Don P. Fortier with:
American Pie =
Aim: near epic.
Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Appetising young love for sale.
Love that's fresh and still unspoiled =
Prostitution is the song's sad flavor.
Fallen angels evilly dupe hope.
Meyran Kraus with:
Pieter Paul Rubens' 'The Raising of The Cross' =
Painter's 'Christ Lifters'. Rope-abuse? Enough!
Tom Myers with:
The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc =
Joan chose foe. See strength of martyr.
Mick Tully with:
Gary Glitter gets four months =
Slithery faggot's rug torment.
1st - Daniel F. Etter with:
Alien Abductions =
Tabloid nuisance.
eq.2nd - Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Anglican Bishops in the House of Lords =
Abolish nostalgic union of shepherds!
eq.2nd - Tom Myers with:
Safer workplace =
Fewer pals croak!
David Bourke with:
Renate Williams =
In real late swim.
Daniel F. Etter with:
Leonid meteors =
I need storm, Leo!
Dan Fortier with:
Seattle shipyard shootings =
These shots spiraling today.
Don P. Fortier with:
Seat a Valued Sentry =
Veterans' Day Salute.
Janet Muggeridge with:
William Hague, leader of the Conservative Party =
I have fear West End gave me a hairy Portillo cult.
Tom Myers with:
Tiger Woods in the lead =
Stewart died, go in hole.
Tom Myers with:
Flight data recorders =
Falter! Christ! Dear God!
Tom Myers with:
United Health Group, Inc. =
Curing hope until death.
Mick Tully with:
The Xerox Corporation =
Exact horror option, 'ex'?
Mick Tully with:
NFU picket supermarkets =
Perfect UK rump steaks in?
Mick Tully with:
Cherie Blair Pregnant =
In retch peril - bag near?
Nigel Westmids with:
West Ham United =
The New Stadium.
1st - Don P. Fortier with:
This is not spam. You are receiving this because you have sent
me information about your program or opportunity and I appreciate
it. I would like to reciprocate because many of you would like
to retire, financially, within 6-9 months, as I will. Let me keep
it short and direct. I have extremely valuable information to
share with you. It involves a private club and wealth building
along with asset preservation. The best part is you DO NOT have
to recruit or sell if you choose not to. Just being a member will
avail you to unbelievable wealth building tools and information
formerly reserved only for the rich and famous. If you want to
test me on my claim to retire with this, financially, within my
first 6-9 months, do yourself a favor and click here.
=
Okay, irate viewers, I'll concede I'm a rotten bastard. I'm a
bitch for this ridiculous crap on USENET. But I've received a
lot of moolah previously with alt.binary files of me and a goat
in "69" sex (a real rarity). Unfortunately the "69"
biting has almost ruined my penis: his teeth chewed it and it's
terribly ugly, and no woman will have me. And I use a powerful
"GLUE" to "preserve my member". Pervert jerks
will buy this stuff, but I hurt too much when I pee. If you want
to try it, I'll provide you the name of every loony moron or flaky
twit inside our circle who'll pay for that shit. Drop me a note.
Ciao!
P.S. I really love sucking that goat, but I won't imbibe urine.
I hate those animal control men or accusations of "an oral
sodomy violation"... not a violation if I have consent, is
it?
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped over
The candlestick
=
Jack need quim?
Bet Jack be back.
He'd poke Jill's 'v' --
Jet cum in crack!
3rd - Janet Muggeridge with:
Intercourse, USA =
I, a sore cunt user.
Larry Brash with:
Old English sheepdog =
He'd piss on leg. Oh, geld.
Richard Brodie with:
Naked women with big breasts... =
Men seek bawd with giant orbs.
Johnnie Burning Elk with:
College strippers? =
Girls respect pole.
Don P. Fortier with:
A great blow job =
Jet? O, grab a bowl.
Jon Gearhart with:
Licking a pussy =
Sucking lips, ay?
Janet Muggeridge with:
French letter =
Rent her cleft.
Janet Muggeridge with:
Presentation =
Neat porn site.
Janet Muggeridge with:
Honk If You Want To See My Finger =
Token Sign When I Fry My Auto Foe.
Tom Myers with:
Back seat of the Chevrolet =
That beaver feels hot cock.
1st - Don P. Fortier with:
Starting your own business!!!
Get Paid For Every Email Message You Receive!
a.. Earn CASH for every email you receive!
b.. Stop searching... Get email about your interests!
c.. FREE membership... Start earning money right now, today!
d.. Fun and Easy
http://www.sendmoreinfo.com
=
Accrue more of this useless shit!
You get spam in your e-mail forever!
a.. We get paid for your names, see? You never eye a cent!
b.. Program may set your browser to shitty site in Albania!
c.. Never get ANYTHING free!
d.. Deceiving and Embarrassing!
http://www.defines.moron.com
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Under Bill S.1618 TITLE III passed by the 105th U.S. Congress
this letter Can Not be Considered unsolicited as long as I include
a way to be removed. To be removed from future mailings Free,
simply respond with "REMOVE" in the subject line. This
will permanently remove you from all future mailing from this
e-mail address. I promptly honor all remove requests. PLEASE SEND
REMOVES TO: larryv@england.com
=
Ironically, we hide behind constitutional laws.
Some justice - they indict presidents, but set spammers free...
So what are you going to do about it? It's a free country, love.
Mind your business and leave spamming for spammers...
End it? No problem! Send a letter to: evil.modem.muggers@fromhell
(include an irreversible cheque for 1,681,150 dollars in the envelope)
From "Devil's Little Helpers",
Mr. Larry V Smelly
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
Everyone likes making easy money. This place pays you 50 cents
for every hour you browse the web!!! Get even more if you refer
people! I just got a check for $36.00!!!
=
Phooey! You're one heevee-geevee, screwy corpse-fucker!! Sorry
-- all you EVER get is $0.00, not to mention junk mail 365 times
per year. Oh, by the way -- FUCK OFF, PISS-BAG!!!
Larry Brash with:
I started out with $6. Now, I am a 12 year old millionaire. Here is my formula. =
Email me your flames and irritations hourly. Wow! $1.26! I am the real idiot.
Dan Fortier with:
Adele Stephens Hardcore =
Need crap? See harlot shed.
Dan Fortier with:
This is the fastest, easiest program you will ever do. =
I get poorest faster with these various slimy deals!
Don P. Fortier with:
We have collected a current list of overseas companies that are looking for professionals.
=
O.K., piss off, anal leeches!
We learned to veto such coarse rot!
For service, go in Alt.spam.on.trial!
1st - Richard Grantham with:
How many alt.anagrams subscribers does it take to change a light bulb? =
Thirty: one swami can tame such a task as others, babbling, do bugger-all.
2nd - Don P. Fortier with:
"Ask not what your country can do for you...
ask what you can do for your country."
"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not."
=
A history: The two Kennedys, one our country's
second-youngest Commander-in-Chief, hurry away forever.
"And has any gunshot taken away,
What you two martyrs had to say?"
3rd - Mike Keith with: [Fiona Apple's new album title]
When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King
What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight
and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters the Ring
There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might
So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand
and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights
and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land
and If You Fall It Won't Matter, 'Cuz You'll Know That You're
Right.
=
Oh, no! I knew it!
I thought it was safe to go to the music shop:
Then - like THAT - here's Fiona with her sophomore
(or should it be -ic?) song anthology,
glowingly titled with three-hundred-forty-odd letters.
Ow - a note! My stunned ears! How unhealthy!
What unworthy garbage has now been wrought
by that gawky, whiny non-entity!
That drunken hen drones on...
Her funky mouth wheezes hollow words,
her snake-like flute the melody.
Off, thin white wench!
Dan Fortier with:
"We have patiently waited for the justice process to evolve
in the matter of our daughter's death." =
Patsy did it; John cover-up act fooled them authorities. Ever
want to get free here? Use vast wealth!
Don P. Fortier with:
January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September,
October, November, and December.
All these months are based upon other earlier calendars, and so
most names remain reworkings from the names of famous Romans,
gods, places, and festivals.
=
Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto
are major planets named for Roman gods. Earth is from Old English
or Greek.
Many smaller objects, miles across, also have Roman names.
Beams can both ebb, dim before the wary eyes a faded face.
Don P. Fortier with:
The wren that rages when I sit
Too close to this mulberry tree
Cannot be told, for all her wit
I hung the gourd she guards from me.
=
The most fearsome bird,
Who's such a threat:
It'll force me urgently to run.
I, a shotgun go and get.
With this, her terror be "well done".
Don P. Fortier with:
What a piece of work is a man!
How noble in reason!
How infinite in faculty!
In form and moving how express and admirable!
In action how like an angel!
In apprehension how like a god!
The beauty of the world!
The paragon of animals!
=
Arranging a probe into
Shakespearian dichotomy:
Will he view man as
all bright and shining?
Or is he a cynic?
When we examine Hamlet,
what opinion will be found?
Hope, anon, a note of affirmation,
or a put-down of weak-kneed fools?
Janet Muggeridge with:
Britain's two minutes' silence: please pray for the war dead. =
Sees me at Friday's line-up at World Wars Cenotaph: I be inert.
1st - Mike Keith with:
Madeleine Albright =
Her label: "mediating".
2nd - Wayne Baisley with:
Walter Payton =
Now-late party.
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
Jim Kalun =
Junk-mail.
Larry Brash with:
Adam Ford =
Mad for ad.
Johnnie Burning Elk with:
Arthur Robert Phillips =
Tip: Phallus error = Birth.
Mike Keith with:
Tim Russ =
Truisms.
Mike Keith with:
Leonard Nimoy =
On, manly!... or die.
Mike Keith with:
Christine Jorgensen =
Rejecting horniness.
Mike Keith with:
Walter Cronkite =
Network article.
Mike Keith with:
Sir Paul McCartney =
Musical carpentry.
Tom Myers with:
Spoon bender Uri Geller =
Bull! No greedier person.
Tom Myers with:
Al Snow doll =
Now all sold.
Tom Myers with:
Alanis Morissette =
Aimless tone is art?
Niggle with:
Paul Scholes =
Slash couple.
Niggle with:
Paul Ince =
I clean up.
Mick Tully with:
Paul Michael Kerry =
"A limey lurker chap!"
Mick Tully with:
Prime Minister Anthony Charles Lynton Blair =
Michael Portillo in merry NHS rib: 'Nanny State!'
1st - Larry Brash with:
The London Planetarium =
Earthmen, I land on Pluto.
2nd - Janet Muggeridge with:
The biggest shopping mall in Western Europe =
Bluewater: I shop then limp. Nest-egg's gone. R.I.P.
3rd - Mick Tully with:
Langan's Brasserie =
Bran; snails; grease.
David Bourke with:
The Bluewater Shopping Centre =
Recent bowl, up past Greenhithe.
Janet Muggeridge with:
The New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary =
Extra long, defines the word, rich on history.
Mick Tully with:
Langan's Brasserie =
Lean nag's ribs, arse.
1st - Mick Tully with:
Dolly Parton's greatest hits =
Gross tits? Pan that yodeller!
Lads to hail pretty songster.
Oh-so-pretty art tingles lads.
Pretty girl's tone 'as lads hot!
So, hot star dangles prettily...
2nd - Tom Myers with:
All I want for Christmas =
Own this small aircraft.
Limit's half-a-crown? Rats!
Carnal filth, it's so warm.
3rd - Janet Muggeridge with:
Birth control methods =
Norm to ditch brothels.
Mr, control the bod's hit!
Condom let births thro'.
Months' retch 'til brood.
Clothes torn mid-throb.
Lots born, ditch mother.
Mother's not told: birch!
Rich mothers don't bolt.
Hitch: oldest born to Mr.
Motto's child 'n' brother.
Dan Fortier with:
Fernando de la Rua =
A leader found, ran!
Around a free land.
Under a lad, no fear!
Janet Muggeridge with:
The Princess Royal =
Cretin's horseplay.
Sat horse princely.
Strap horse nicely.
Tom Myers with:
Back seat of the Chevrolet =
Beavers that feel hot cock.
That beaver feels hot cock.
Fat cock, the beaver slot. Eh!
Feel that cock shot, beaver.
Mick Tully with:
Integrated Transport Policy =
Tory pleading: Train, Prescott?
Sporting car? Dottier penalty.
Tory Prescott pleading: Train!
Protects giant painted lorry.
Road rental, tiny pig Prescott?
PR lady: Prescott integration.
An angry, tired, pilot Prescott.
1st - Don P. Fortier with:
Piano
Man
2nd - Don P. Fortier with:
The
Gettysburg Address
3rd - Graham Perkins with:
[A line-by-line spamagram.]
rhenderson@gnwmail.com =
L.H.Moon@grand.crime.news
Great New Book Tells About Male Sexual Secrets =
A better sex game? No, we at USA sell true bollocks.
Now any man, regardless of age, can easily learn: =
Ay, we liars sell men a nosegay and no fragrance.
* To be multi-orgasmic =
* It's a lot more big cum.
* To greatly increase the intensity of his orgasm =
* Oo try feel! I'm inserting "shag toy" in the cat's
arse.
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* Fit motet: longer, higher splash.
* The secrets to penis enlargement =
* See me stretch glans on t'pine tree.
* Discover the male G-spot =
* To give head! (sperm clots)
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* Sell toy... see more cum enter vagina.
* The facts about Viagra, plus new drugs =
* Tab? Usual act guv'... soft penis grew hard!
* To eliminate premature ejaculation =
* Jam a lime in! O ta, acute penile torture!
* The secrets of getting his partner to want more sex =
* Sent for expert tit-shag, then wet orgasm secretion.
* To eliminate impotence at any age =
* Inanimate pale totem? Gone icy? Eat!
* To have up to a three hour erection =
* I cheer out "O! Hot rapture to heaven!"
New, Easy to Read Book on Men's Sexual Secrets
Male Sexual Secrets
Written by Robert Winter and Jeff Rutgard, M.D. =
Barren, excruciating, bad twaddle sent by sour tossers just to
make extra moneys. Well, we dream of free tenners!
This is a fantastic new book covering so many little known
and unknown sexual secrets you'll be amazed. =
Wankers conning swarms of wild males. You use naked bunny-bonk
titillation on Sleaze-TV to exact e-cash.
If you don't learn something new in the first few pages that
greatly increases your sex life we'll return your money. =
Unsurprisingly, we fleece thousands of really shag-hungry men.
Ie, we treat nation of ex-tit-feelers to worry, enmity.
The total cost of this book is only $12.95 plus $3.95 shipping
and handling. =
Killing anon! Ships load of cash-blend to shitty shopping tout.
To order " Men's Secrets" Call 800-442-4853 24 hours
a day or you can send your check or money order for $16.90 to:
=
Dear moron,
Hurry, carry truckloads of cool cash to us!
Sorry, red-eye men, no C.O.D. (see note)
Avatar Publishing
168 second Ave
#PBM 285
New York, NY. 10003 =
Ass! We build vapor-company 'n' bank everything!
This message is sent in compliance of the new e-mail bill:
SECTION 301. Per Section 301, Paragraph(a)(2)(c) of S.1618 =
We're nice Sicilian criminal chaps that sent piles of feeble spam
messages to con a poor thing.
To be removed from our e-mail list please send an email with
the word Remove in the subject line to 100removeme@usa.net or
call 888-248-2594. =
Here's how to eliminate e-address error volume. Eleven million
foolish men attempt to terminate e-jabber. We vacuum clods!
Don P. Fortier with: [Romeo and Juliet, III, ii, 21-25 (Juliet, on Romeo)]
And when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night,
And pay no worship to the garish sun.
=
Find us truth and put hence, tell
What action he hath taken well.
And when death shall end his pain,
The heights fair Romeo will gain.
And will show in skies above,
The immortality of love.
Jon Gearhart with:
Leave
A Tender Moment Alone