Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2001
1st - Richard Grantham with:
The best things in life are free =
Resting beneath the fireflies.
2nd - Tom Myers with:
Internet spam =
It's permanent.
3rd - Jaybur with:
Aspirin tablets =
It's pain blaster!
David Bourke with:
A one-night stand =
A snog, and then "it".
Larry Brash with:
Mental State Examination =
Total amnesia? Next inmate!
Art Day with:
An instant marriage... ~
...isn't an anagram rite.
Dan Fortier with:
Self determination =
Demonstrate in life.
Dan Fortier with:
He bet astronomical sums =
Consummate loser's habit.
Maurice Goddard with:
"Keep your gob shut!" =
Ugh! True yob spoke!
Maurice Goddard with:
Silence is golden =
Diligence lesson.
Richard Grantham with:
Curiosity killed the cat =
Kitty tale is dour cliche.
Richard Grantham with:
Elizabethan sonnet =
I ennoble the stanza.
Richard Grantham with:
The second anniversary =
Dinner... Can she stay over?
Adrian Hickford with:
Eve ruins ~
universe.
Adrian Hickford with:
Pneumoconiosis =
I consume poison.
Adrian Hickford with:
Pederastic tendency =
Intended creepy acts.
Adrian Hickford with:
Medicinal marijuana =
Ideal in Jamaican rum.
Adrian Hickford with:
Leather Sofas =
He's a fat loser.
Adrian Hickford with:
Romantic fan doing ~
formation dancing.
Jaybur with:
Given the elbow =
Big love: he went!
Meyran Kraus with:
Each part =
A chapter.
Meyran Kraus with:
Executive Secretary =
Sexy, cute, recreative.
Meyran Kraus with:
Job Seeker =
Obese jerk.
Meyran Kraus with:
County's legal work? =
To young law clerks!
Tom Myers with:
A wealthy family =
Tell ya' why -- Mafia!
Rick Rothstein with:
Flat-panel monitors are best... ~
...smaller footprint, neat base.
Rick Rothstein with:
Duplicate bridge =
Cut, deal, bid, gripe!
Mick Tully with:
Common street whore =
Worst men come to her.
Mick Tully with:
"God Bless America" =
I massacred globe.
1st - David A. Green with:
Erich von Daniken's "Chariots of the Gods?" =
Crank has no good evidence for this shit.
2nd - Jaybur with:
Claude Monet, an Impressionist =
Monsieur paints a scene, I'm told.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Late Author Douglas Adams =
Made us laugh too hard at tales!
David Bourke with:
Manchester United footballer David Beckham =
Bald-headed introvert bleats: "Mohican? Fuck me!"
FF with:
Reality shows =
This slow year.
FF with:
Reality shows =
This way, loser.
Maurice Goddard with:
Legend of The Glass Mountain =
Tuning me fools death's angel!
Richard Grantham with:
Rodolpho Alfonzo Raffaelo Pierre Filibert Guglielmi di Valentina d'Antonguolla =
Rudolph Valentino: Lean, able, alluring, oft-lionized idol of film of a great prior age.
David A. Green with:
Rosemary Conley's "The Complete Hip and Thigh Diet" =
Her caloric method? Hey, simply stop eating! The end.
David A. Green with:
The Silence of the Lambs =
To belch I eat men's flesh.
Jaybur with:
SPAM: THE COOKBOOK: Marguerite Patten =
Took home recipes but kept to anagram!
Jaybur with:
Charles Dickens: Our Mutual Friend =
Tale of heir's luck and sum incurred.
Jaybur with:
The Mona Lisa: La Gioconda: by Leonardo da Vinci =
Oh, a bold, or oily and enigmatic ideal, on canvas.
Jaybur with:
Cannibalism/anthropophagy =
Gastronomic; happy Hannibal!
Tom Myers with:
The television show 'The Iron Chef' =
Oh, he threw in hoof, vein, testicles.
Tom Myers with:
All enjoy seeing ~
J. Lo in "Angel Eyes!"
1st - Jaybur with:
Mid East violence =
Malice so evident.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The British author Douglas Adams died suddenly of a heart attack =
A sad, absurd end of a truly mad lad. A toast to "The Hitch Hiker's Guide"!
3rd - Dan Fortier with:
Tim McVeigh's execution =
Victim: no excuse: get him!
Larry Brash with:
The Israeli Army's Armed Battalions =
Their silent dream: aim to slay Arabs.
Kevin Hale with:
The campaign trail =
Alarming... pathetic!
Adrian Hickford with:
Great apes in peril =
Appearing sterile.
Earle Jones with:
Sunday is Mother's Day =
Saturday, my son hides.
Meyran Kraus with:
Wedding Hall Collapses =
Walls slide! Can God help?
Tom Myers with:
The Hollywood Writers Strike =
I tell red-hot stories! Why work?
Tom Myers with:
Tony Blair calls for an election =
Ill Tory scene, Labor cannot fail!
Tom Myers with:
USA singer Perry Como ~
is a grey corpse - mourn!
Tom Myers with:
Polygamist found guilty =
Guy mating stupidly. Fool!
Tom Myers with:
All heed Democrats' ~
leader, Tom Daschle.
Tom Myers with:
The Senate confirms Theodore Olson =
Democrats: nonsense to hire the fool.
Tom Myers with:
The inflated price of gasoline =
Find cash, go on a trip, feel elite!
Rick Rothstein with:
The millionaire Dennis Tito =
Inane idiot's one-time thrill.
Rick Rothstein with:
Energy conservation =
Everyone's not caring!
Rick Rothstein with:
The Conservative Manifesto =
Chafe over vision-statement.
Rick Rothstein with:
Tim McVeigh's execution =
Give "nice" mix to the scum.
Rick Rothstein with:
Presidential agendas =
Degrade Palestinians.
Mick Tully with:
State of the Union Address =
Use Fathers' dated notions.
Rick Rothstein with:
State of the Union Address =
Use father's dated notions.
William Tunstall-Pedoe with:
Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott =
Joy! Dirtiest pimp punches tormenter!
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Battery-operated vibrator =
Probe a torrid, tatty beaver.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
A big well hung stud =
Wild lust. Huge bang.
3rd - Phil Carmody with:
So, why do I have a bad intense pain in my arse? =
Maybe a penis or a heavy hand's now inside it?
Richard Grantham with:
Licentiousness =
Nice lust noises.
Richard Grantham with:
Impoliteness =
Piss in omelet.
Richard Grantham with:
CUM SALINITY =
[an indicator of] MASCULINITY?
Adrian Hickford with:
Suck on my dick, wench =
Unkind, chews my cock.
Adrian Hickford with:
Reconstructed hymen =
Sorcery! Mend the cunt.
Meyran Kraus with:
Baked Beans with Southern Gravy =
The gassy burn... Have to break wind!
Tom Myers with:
Professor Moriarty ~
rims a sorry poofter.
Graham Perkins with:
Campbell Soup =
Pope-balls' cum.
Rick Rothstein with:
When you wish upon a star =
Ah! Now we ruin a hot pussy.
Rick Rothstein with:
When you wish upon a star =
Wow son, up the hairy anus?
Rick Rothstein with:
A girl's best friend ~
fingers bared slit.
James H. Young with:
KEEP THIS VERSATILE PRODUCT IN YOUR LARDER! =
LIE! STICK THIS LOAD UP YOUR REAR END, PERVERT!
James H. Young with:
The toilet bowls =
To let shit below.
James H. Young with:
Erectile dysfunction =
It ends erotic fluency.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A PERSONAL NOTE FROM THE ORIGINATOR OF THIS PROGRAM:
By the time you have read the enclosed program, you may have concluded that an amateur could not have created such a legal program that works.
Let me tell you a little about myself. I had a profitable business for 10 years. Then in 1979 my business began falling off. I was doing the same things that were previously successful for me, but it wasn't working. Finally, I figured it out. It wasn't me, it was the economy. Inflation and recession had replaced the stable economy that had been with us since 1945.
I don't have to tell you what happened to the unemployment rates...because many of you know from first hand experience. There were more failures and bankruptcies than ever before.
The middle class was vanishing. Those who knew what they were doing invested wisely and moved up. Those who did not, including those who never had anything to save or invest, were moving down into the ranks of the poor. As the saying goes, "THE RICH GET RICHER AND THE POOR GET POORER." The traditional methods of making money will never allow you to "move up" or "get rich", inflation will see to that.
=
AN ENRAGED RESPONSE TO THIS UNFORGIVABLE WEB OFFER:
Hi, unworthy beggar. By the time you read this my cugine may already be on his way to your apartment to gut you and then dance on the mutilated corpse.
Let me mention my name, fucker. I'm Don Tito "The Gravedigger" Vampari. I'm Italian and have a very loving, real *devoted* family. We settled here in the United States to sell, uh, wool-clips and nose-powder.
Now, only 'cause Tito takes care of business every day doesn't mean Tito can't surf the net a little bit at night, right? Wrong. See, some fucking idiot gets in Tito's way when he surfs with his goomah and makes him unhappy - and datsa you.
Well, I'll be honest- we're no strangers to spam. Our dear friend and peer, Ton "The Velvet Glove" Reelilocco, the lord have mercy on his soul, explored the web-shakedowns occupation for a while. He forgot, however, that Vin "The Milkman" Eatcheerios had his hands on the whole web shit for ages. Now Ton has a pair of cement shoes and greets the fish from the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.
Wanna be a wise guy? Fuck off or I'll turn your pisello into my Rottweiler's lunch. COPPISH?!
Wrathful,
Don Vampari
2nd - James H. Young with:
Hi,
First off, thank you for reading my post.
Second I would like you to do something for me.
I have been surfing the web looking for some way to use the internet
to make some money.
I've seen ALL kinds of things, chain letters, get paid to surf,
paid to read e-mail etc. But then I ran into this site that I
am really interested in trying. But I'm not sure if it will work,
so I'm asking for your opinion. I THINK it's a great idea. But
BEFORE I send in my money i would like to know what some people
[i.e. you] that surf the net think. Would I be wasting my time
and money? Do you think other people would also sign up. Can I
make any money this way? What do you think?
Please go to the site look it over, then e-mail me your comments.
-GOOD OR BAD-
I need to know what people think about this BEFORE I make a mistake
that will cost me.
Thank you in advance.
Janet
=
Dear Janet,
Hi! I thank you for this wonderfully kind memo. Normally, I love to help in any way. I would, but the problem is I take it you never checked with me or anyone at alt.anagrams to see if this letter was of the type I consider allowable in the newsgroup. If you had checked if it is, I think you'd have found that indeed it is not.
That makes the letter spam and you a spammer. It makes one interesting dilemma because now I must insult you. I hate to do it for you seem kind, however I need to, OK?
You are one blithering moron pig. This email is worthless and I know you represent the lowest type of garbage spewing goon. I think you own one wrinkled twat, one leaking tit, one fat butt stinking of shit. Look momma, you took a pee in your pants. I'm thinking the boobs look not so good. It is time to rim me, bite me, eat my shit and fuck off.
eq.3rd - David Bourke with:
All the Raciest Pictures of your
FAVORITE CELEBRITIES!!
Click Here!!
If you are looking for the ladies, for instance:
Britney Spears --> Click Here!!
Anna Kournikova --> Click Here!!
Sara Michelle Gellar --> Click Here!!
Pamela Anderson --> Click Here!!
Cindy Crawford --> Click Here!!
If you are looking for Men, for instance:
The Backstreet Boys --> Click Here!!
Leonardo DiCaprio --> Click Here!!
George Clooney --> Click Here!! >
Brad Pitt --> Click Here!!
Ricky Martin --> Click here!!
After looking at the above,
check out some FREE porn --> Click Here!!
=
All the dirtiest, deep-in-crack-area pics ever, of your
FAVORITE CELEBRITIES, BARE!!
Click here!!
If you are looking for ladies, for instance:
Nancy Reagan --> Click Here!!
Hillary (or Chelsea) Clinton --> Click Here!!
Tipper Gore --> Click Here!!
Yoko Ono --> Click Here!!
Peter Mandelson --> Click Here!!
If you came looking for men, for instance:
Bill Gates --> Click Here!!
Robin Cook --> Click Here!!
'Dubya' (Wanker) Bush --> Click Here!!
David Frost --> Click Here!!
Margaret Thatcher --> Click Here!!
After a look, some ace FREE sick porn? Try it out!
--> Click Here!!
eq.3rd - Mike Keith with:
Check out How Cool Footwear at http://www.howcool.com for all
of the latest trends in footwear, leatherwear, vinylwear, clubwear,
fetish, and accessories from major brands like Underground, T.U.K.,
Pleasers, Tony Shoes, Jante, Dallas Hieghts, Hey Baby, Leg Avenue,
and much more! Our selection is huge! Tell them -GILBERT- sent
you and get $5 off of any purchase! And while you're there, don't
forget to check out our FREE adult photo galleries! ::hubbahubba::
Gilbert G.
Web Design and Web Updates
http://www.howcool.com
gilbert@howcool.com
=
Do you like $5 foot jobs? Trampling? Do you love to grovel before thin, stockinged gams? Do her corns and bunions make you blubber? Alright! How about wee little toes that curl when tickled? Crutches, staples, and therapeutic braces? Oh, well, fine then! Clean off that lap full of pearl jam, you wretched bugger, and reach for the mouse! Cum to www.giggle.org for the best lower-body lechery anywhere. We COST, of course.
Oh, we sell crap Italian shoes, too. ::woohoo::
Arthur C.
Bed Wetting and Fowl Abuse
www.ashamed.net
arthur@ashamed.net
Larry Brash with:
Check out the nets #1 online dating service with over 8,000,000
users world wide. Come join the fun place you FREE personal AD
today.
=
We've 1000 deceptive rich arseholes to couple with, and 8000 fucked
fannies, or one Dorset girl, named Janet, who's truly nice to
you.
Dan Fortier with:
Tizek.com is in dire need of a development team =
Men need to realize SPAM feed incited vomit, OK?
Dan Fortier with:
Important new medical news for those suffering with genital herpes,
cold sores and shingles!
=
Horrid new phlegm infection??
Guess infestation with relentless lad's spam changed for worse!
James H. Young with:
PLEASE read this!
This is not a get rich quick scheme.
It is the opportunity of a lifetime.
Please just take a moment and watch the Flash movie that I have put together for you. It could your life, or the life of someone you know.
Just click here and sit back: http://www.myeflash.com/go/mhavard
Thank you for your time.
Michael havard
=
The Joy of "HOW TO MAKE A SPAMAGRAM"
ONE. You refer to alt.anagrams.
"Hi. Look why we hate you, pig vomit."
TWO. Insult the author. Include a name if possible.
"Michael Havard's a hefty cock head."
THREE. Use plenty of the hip, perverted catch words.
"Hi, fuck my cunt slit " etc.
FOUR. Just cook, melt, stir 'til finished.
FIVE. Make him eat it so hot. Quit.
1st - Richard Grantham with:
A
Carroll acrostic anagrammed into a true story.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
THE APRIL ANAGRAMMY WINNERS
GENERAL
Richard Grantham:
Bottles of hydrogen peroxide
Good tip there for sexy blonde.
ENTERTAINMENT
Richard Grantham:
Oscar Wilde's "De Profundis" =
Prison life cued sad words.
TOPICAL
David Bourke:
The American spyplane =
Chinese play mean trap.
RUDE
Adrian Hickford:
Empty penis?
Yep, I'm spent.
SPAM
Richard Grantham:
!!!!!!P O R N O M A N I A!!!!!!
Fifty Naked Beauties!
LONG SPAM
Richard Grantham:
Hi! My name is Betty Wilson.
LONG
Larry Brash:
Two households, both alike in dignity
PEOPLE'S NAME
Jaybur:
M. Etienne de Silhouette =
The esteemed in outline.
OTHER NAME
Jaybur:
The Israeli Airline =
El Al: I rise in the air!
SET
Adrian Hickford:
Five classic authors of the horror genre whose take on life is
downright macabre and slightly loopy:
SPECIAL
James H. Young:
WHAT ARE THE HALLMARKS OF A GOOD ANAGRAM?
David Bourke:
Mambo No 5 - Lou Bega
Meyran Kraus:
We want to spend less time on the busy freeways
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE
Mike Keith:
He, Lewis, grabbed the vibrant role,
Assembled dreams and rhymes with glee,
But vowed that one most mighty goal:
Originality.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE AWARD FOR THE BEST NON-WINNING ANAGRAM
Don P. Fortier:
"Are you the Messiah?" =
"Ah, so true. Yes, I am He."
=
HOW TO WIN AN ANAGRAMMY
By Meyran K.
As I read the April results, I learned some handy hints:
GENERAL
Earthy humor is not necessarily Rude.
ENTERTAINMENT
Perfect grammar makes one's anagram rather memorable, as exhibited
here.
TOPICAL
The more relevant it is, the better; preferably about an item
inside a month.
RUDE
If it's not about a hard-on, try and force in 'Dildo' somehow.
SPAM
Angry and homicidal = Hilarious.
LONG SPAM
Segmentations are highly useful here.
LONG
Comment on a text thoroughly... Right, I'll do my best.
PEOPLE'S NAME and OTHER NAME
Three words: Keep it simple.
SET
Dead... Heck, just when I got the hang of it.
SPECIAL
James Y's 'gram: Self-reference, irony and group-insight are indeed
in fashion.
David B's 'gram: More group-insight here! This is definitely needed.
Mey K's 'gram: IMHO, I don't know why we let that childish prick show his heaps of crap in our group. And, like, get a *real* name, won't you?!
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE
Just a wee poem, don't be afraid!
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE
Picked by Larry Brash, so brown-nosing that formidably kind-hearted
Dr. will probably help, along with a bribe of, uh, Israeli baklavas?...
In short, to achieve an award your 'gram has to be apt, plain, relevant, sectioned and self-aware.
So...?
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory is a unique
test designed specifically for the pre-transitional Male-to-Female
gender dysphoric person. The first comprehensive gender dysphoria
test. COGIATI was designed to help in the assessment of an individual
to determine what further management can be undertaken. COGIATI
has been created to help the individual understand what their
gender issues mean, and provides suggestions on what to do about
them.
=
This multiple-choice test is to assess if you should change
in sex from a man to a woman.
Always tend to be a bit girly in brain function?
Hated rough and tumble games?
Played in dresses with the girls in school?
Preferred nighties and skirts to trousers?
Ever treated as a queen?
Ever piddled seated?
Wanted different chromosomes?
Hate your penis?
Need it?
Tempting idea to chop it?
Needing estrogen?
Envied her nice pudendum?
That innate need: having nice tits and a vagina.
Try and pretend.
Larry Brash with:
Why is Ted Kennedy against guns?
He feels that drowning is more effective!
=
Any news? You never let me forget this sick thing. End it! She
was effing dead!
Maurice Goddard with:
They are changing guards at Buckingham Palace.
Christopher Robin went down with Alice.
=
Noble bright Ma at a hundred 'n' one was nice!
Corking chic gal, spry wit, HUGE hat, what a price!
Tom Myers with:
Police: Bush kids Jenna and Barbara tried to buy alcoholic drinks
=
Had psilocybin, bourbon, and coke in bar -- just like their rascal
dad.
James H. Young with:
Sir,
We have seen with disgust that your group has gone from bad to worse. You have added insult to injury. Your permanent bad example is now sadly augmented with the disagreeable inclusion of a veritable bunch of the society's rejects: the hobos and pornographers of the web. Thanks God your self-depiction of the alt.anagrams clique as a dirty place populated by disgusting hybrids needs no ratification from our part about the communist, homosexual and destructive purposes of your group: a real excremental site in the web. The public's eyes are now wide opened to the truth.
Natalie & Matt Cori
=
Dear Natalie & Matt Cori,
I am happy to get exact input from the bible belt. I understand your concern as I feel we need more heroes such as yourselves here in our poor world.
We need outspoken intelligent individuals who stand up for good old-fashioned values such as hatred, racism, bigotry, a rejection of the first amendment. But happy humour, open sex to babes, a sport, beat poetry, satire have some bad qualities which ruin us in time for God frowns at bubbling laughter.
I thought that you needed support which is exactly why we are supposed to get a fast start and go act today.
sincerely,
James Young
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Noel Coward is ~
no Oscar Wilde.
2nd - David A. Green with:
Harry Houdini, the famous escapologist =
I'm easily out of tough ropes, hard chains.
3rd - Jaybur with:
Docteur Joseph-Ignace Guillotin =
Judicial cutting role: hope's gone.
David Bourke with:
Ronald Arthur Biggs =
Rush train, grab gold.
Andrew Denny with:
Douglas Noel Adams =
Sold mad analogues.
FF with:
Ted Bundy =
Net buddy.
Maurice Goddard with:
Vidkun Lauritz Abraham Joenson Quisling, born at Fyresdal in Telemark Norway =
Hitler's Nazi ally junta man. Wed Russian born Maria. Frequently boring OK vodka!
Richard Grantham with:
The Roman emperor Caligula =
A mongrel, a peculiar mother.
Adrian Hickford with:
Terry Nichols =
Hitler's crony.
Adrian Hickford with:
Jimmy 'Schnozzle' Durante =
The sunny, melodic, Mr. Jazz.
Adrian Hickford with:
Sean Mac Stiofain =
Maniac is not safe.
Jaybur with:
Model Sophie Dahl =
Hello! I'm odd shape!
Jaybur with:
Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti =
O, lo, huge, iconic David; or toil on marble.
Meyran Kraus with:
President George Walker Bush =
Wrong leadership, get rebukes.
Rick Rothstein with:
Philippine President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo =
O! A top archipelago leader is primarily napping.
Mick Tully with:
Marguerite Patten =
Pate; meringue; tart!
Mick Tully with:
Dante Michael Soiu =
I, a madhouse client.
Mick Tully with:
Sean Mac Stiofain =
One's fanatic aims.
1st - James H. Young with:
The Great Wall of China =
What a length of a relic!
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Stockholm, Sweden =
Cold weeks, months.
3rd - David A. Green with:
The Royal National Institute for the Blind =
Hands-on tuition in Braille: "Try to feel that".
Wayne Baisley with:
Campbell Soup =
Cuppa BO smell.
FF with:
America Online =
I am a nice loner.
Richard Grantham with:
Para-acetamidophenol =
Calm a hot or a deep pain.
Ernesto Guiraldes with:
The Billings Method =
Hot bed -- timing's hell!
Adrian Hickford with:
Royal National Lifeboat Institution =
Intention: bail out sailor - no fatality.
Jaybur with:
The Ford Focus =
Oh, duff Escort?
Jaybur with:
The Monetary Policy Committee =
I am timely: protect the economy.
Jaybur with:
The New Seat Leon =
Note neat wheels!
Meyran Kraus with:
Ford Escape =
Car of speed?
Rick Rothstein with:
Nissan Altima =
Man! It's a snail.
Rick Rothstein with:
Tate Modern Art Gallery site =
More attend! It's really great!
Mick Tully with:
Toyota Landcruiser ~
does a country trail.
Mick Tully with:
Greene King Abbot Ale =
Neat 'aging-bloke' beer.
1st - Larry Brash with:
Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED
MINISTER within 48 hours!!!! 1st 20 BE ORDAINED NOW!
As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!!
WEDDINGS
MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!!
Don't settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES' MAID
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE
SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.
FUNERALS
A very hard time for you and your family
Don't settle for a minister you don't know!!
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE
SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.
BAPTISMS
You can say "WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!! I AM YOUR MINISTER
AND YOUR UNCLE!!"
What a special way to welcome a child of God.
FORGIVENESS OF SINS
The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for
centuries
**Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in sincerity and
willingness to change for the better!!
VISIT CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES
Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in
need!!
Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock.
WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH??
After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation!!
At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs. Right? Well, let's talk about how much the program is worth. Considering the value of becoming a CERTIFIED MINISTER I'd say the program is easily worth $100. Wouldn't you agree? However, it won't cost that much. Not even close! My goal is to make this life changing program affordable so average folks can benefit from the power of it.
Since I know how much you want to help others, you're going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100.00... Not even $50.00... You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95.
For only $29.95 you will receive:
1. 8-inch by 10-inch certificate IN COLOR, WITH GOLD SEAL.
(CERTIFICATE IS PROFESSIONALLY PRINTED BY AN INK PRESS)
2. Proof of Minister Certification in YOUR NAME!!
3. SHIPPING IS FREE!!!
=
Larry Brash, Awardsmaster of the Anagrammy Website, will transform you into an award winning anagrammer in 2 hours, not 2 days or 2 months!
As a worthy practitioner of this ancient art, you will soon be creating terrific new rearrangements of everything from simple words through to huge bodies of verse, such as the Complete Works of William Shakespeare.
Surprise your friends! Realize your worth! Get your true recognition. Be a terrific success! Get that promotion at work! Become a red hot lover! See dotty women fight over you!
You can win every category yet, yes, all 9 of them, on your first attempt!
GENERAL
Create beautiful fun cognate gems of 10 letters or less, one that
nobody, not even Treesong will find in his archives, even going
back to 1893. No corrections!
ENTERTAINMENT
Your terrific efforts crucify Mey Kraus's clever art critic 'grams.
By now, he seems quite a total Philistine.
TOPICAL
Tom Myers is now completely chronic, Yesterday City, too out of
date, at least 1992 or longer, after you get through with him.
RUDE
Be more disgusting than David Bourke, criticising idiotic fruity
poofters and insulting women's genitalia with every winner. Concoct
erotic, dirty, itchy-crotch, orifice-fornicating shit.
SPAM
Oh, boy! Turn those unwanted corny advertising cons and horrifying
Get-Rich-Now schemes into nice nutritious spamagrams.
LONG
If it is 40 letters or 1000 letters, it will make no difference,
you will astound even Richard Brodie.
PEOPLE AND OTHER NAMES
Coy Ms. Burholt will eat her heart out, too, when she sees the
efficient concoctions that you could come up with here in these
two categories.
SPECIAL
Now this is where you will really outshine the rest. Come first!
Mike Keith and Richard Grantham, they are a choice pair of buffoonish
semi-literate fools compared to you.
This offer is genuine. No hidden conditions.
How do I do it? Do you have to pay up before I can give you the forty or fifty scientific secrets, which I hold?
What would you consider this would cost? Is this $5000? $850? $50? $10?
No! It's FREE!
Read the FAQ!
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
A stanza from the poem Picthorn Manor
by Amy Lowell, anagrammed into paraphrases of four existing sonnets while obeying an additional constraint.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Dora
Sigerson: Ireland
David Bourke with:
When
I am an old woman I shall wear purple
Richard Brodie with:
The maturing of the male
=
A tight female? Mount her!
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
=
31: I had an adultery fling phase (A divine widow? O the whore!)
When I was 14 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion.
So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
=
41: Wife swapping adds to a tiring, bored, arid life; see, I sin;
fantasize a siren's touching; the old wee-wee tool is hard!
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all
the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl
with stability.
=
In high school I met the dirtiest well-endowed teen cuties; I
did the deed twice a day. Imagine babes in venereal heat - easy
terrain, and great conquests galore! I was adored; my alias: campus
genital idol.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring.
She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some
excitement.
=
52: Had to get fixed, but it was chancy getting it up. I tried
Viagra which did get me all aroused. Believe me, the elated babes
say I'm now one bad, deluxe, fine, consistent, and ball-worthy
screwer - the stallion!
When I was 26 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep
up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling
on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable
as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic,
but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real
ambition.
=
62: I'm getting adventurous in my second childhood. I began my
latent woman-desire, messing around phase, feeling up and humping
every girl in sight. In fact I went from a breast flirt to the
insatiable skirt-lifter, while here inside the house or outside
at the beach; climaxing underneath, on top, sideways, and upside
down.
When I turned 37, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet
planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious
that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
=
73: Damn! This very gorgeous, liberated woman tricked me into
marrying her. Did that dishonest slut ever do a rip off number
on me! Oh what a senile, hit on, defrauded nitwit I was, huh?
I am now 48 and am looking for a girl with very big tits.
=
84: Ah, my knob, a rising organ, it will grow if motivated.
Richard Brodie with:
Superiority
of Saxon English
Maurice Goddard with:
"THE beatification of Mother Teresa could occur "within
months" virtually guaranteeing that she will become a saint
in the fastest time in modern history."
=
Hosanna! Fair Saint!
The Divine is Sweet Song.
Rhythm.
The Creator is but
Silence.
God. I'm the Way.
Attribute to Total
Truth.
I'm Communion.
Chalice of Eternal
Life!
=
Our Father,
Which art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Angel Chorus;
"Unite! Christ is born!"
Let God tie to
Immortal Sanctification.
Test of Time suits it yet.
Amen.
Adrian Hickford with:
Adrian, I'm so very happy I am able to contact you.
My name is Cleo, and I am a Master Tarot Psychic. I had an exciting
dream last night that could affect the rest of your life!
I was so moved by the dream, that I shared this with my psychic
associates. With this knowledge our prediction powers have been
heightened. I am asking you to call immediately and, if I am not
available, you must speak to one of my gifted Tarot readers who
will know how to use this knowledge to immediately change your
future. It could be that exciting.
Adrian, please call right now:
1-800-340-7205. This call is absolutely FREE.
THERE IS NO RISK AND NO OBLIGATION AT ALL.
I can't tell you too much here, but I will say that the experience
will amaze you as much as it did me. There may be many wonderful
things coming into your life very soon, in fact maybe in the next
10-14 days. You could be one very lucky person Adrian.
It's not often that I get overwhelmed, especially through a dream,
at the prospects of good fortune for people. So you can see why
I am overjoyed about what the future holds for you. Adrian, your
life may drastically change for the better. Please call 1-800-340-7205
right now so I can share this joy with you.
BECAUSE I WANT THE BEST FOR YOU, I HAVE GONE AHEAD AND SET UP
A FREE TRIAL READING WHEN YOU CALL.
Remember, this call is free and so is your free trial reading.
With Love and Hope,
Miss Cleo
Call Now! 1-800-340-7205.
=
Psychic ability: "I can read all thoughts the mind is emitting." If you were able to reach inside my head, you'd soon decide against the act, motherfucker. I'd release my demons on you sooner than the whimper can escape your ruby lips.
Psychokinetics: "It's about to split into two." Cheesy, sleazy charlatan Uri Geller with his dramatic spoon bending. Forget it! The egomaniac worked on that lead spoon long before he got in front of the audience, manipulating this way and that. Basic metallurgy, that's all.
Tarot cards. "Oh, you've selected Death! That affirms it's curtains, I'm afraid." Bollocks! You'd be just as accurate determining my future via a receipt from a recent trip to Asda, you arsehole: "I notice a purchase full of cream cakes; you are destined for an early grave."
Ouija boards: "W - H - O - I - S - A - M - O - R - O - N - I - C - T - W - A - T. Whoopee! It's trying to tell us something." Well, indeed. It's trying to say: "You are each brain dead."
Astrology: "Libra: Advantageously, you are about to achieve a shallow lifetime goal - cha-cha-cha with a lovely, wholesome, hot mamma." Wow! Me, and the other twelfth of the population too, eh? Hello? Where's reality when you need it?
Palm reading: "The love line's very iffy." Well, maybe your expected life span will be 'very iffy' when I've finished with you.
Numerology: "Lucky number: six hundred and sixty six." I'm afraid that's one mistake too many. Welcome to Hell!
Mike Keith with:
A
palindromic poem by Mike Maguire, anagrammed into another palindromic poem.
Mike Keith with:
A
letter from the young Robert Louis Stevenson to his father