Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2003
1st - Ahmad Sadali Ramli with:
Solve a crime =
I am so clever.
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Darwin's theory of evolution =
To win, you fed on other rivals.
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Remains hot ~
in a Thermos.
Joe Fathallah with:
The Private Sector =
Ethics (to a pervert).
Jesse Frankovich with:
Ski slope =
Ski poles.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Scent of cigars =
It's cancer's fog.
Jesse Frankovich with:
The talk radio host ~
has that tired look.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Soft flab =
Lbs. of fat.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Watch! Religion claims ~
Christ will come again.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Snow flurries =
Ruins flowers.
Jesse Frankovich with:
A WTC Engineer =
Erecting anew.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Drain =
Nadir.
Jesse Frankovich with:
You learn aerobics... =
O, yea! Burn calories!
Toby Gottfried with:
Crime does not pay =
Yes, pro can do time.
Richard Grantham with:
A prosthetic limb =
Hit bicep, lost arm.
Richard Grantham with:
Containers =
Store in can.
Adrian Hickford with:
Darwin's theory of evolution ~
overwrites Holy foundation.
Jaybur with:
War games =
Wage arms.
Jaybur with:
On the defensive =
He invented foes.
Jaybur with:
A seaworthy vessel =
O'er salty waves, she!
Jaybur with:
Love is in the air! =
Raise the violin!
Jaybur with:
Audit Commissioners =
Aim is to consider sum.
Meyran Kraus with:
A starter pistol =
It's a sport alert!
Allan Morley with:
Wind and water erosion =
Rained on, it wears down.
Allan Morley with:
Nuclear powers =
Open war's cruel.
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
The Royal wedding =
What glory, indeed!
Ahmad Sadali Ramli with:
Nude art =
Unrated.
Ahmad Sadali Ramli with:
Real weapons =
Please, no war!
Hans-Peter Reich with:
Impregnate =
Impart gene.
Hans-Peter Reich with:
Old gems in ~
gold mines.
Hans-Peter Reich with:
A light show =
Ah, this glow!
Hans-Peter Reich with:
Election day =
Only a deceit.
1st - Scott Gardner with:
Leonardo da Vinci, "The Last Supper" =
Have Lord and apostles in picture.
eq.2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Spectators =
A sport sect.
eq.2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Gilbert and Sullivan's "Yeomen of the Guard" =
All raving old Beefeaters hum & sing on duty.
Scott Gardner with:
Sistine Madonna =
Maiden saint, son.
Scott Gardner with:
Leonardo's "The Last Supper" =
Apostles sup near the Lord.
Scott Gardner with:
Evan Marriott (Joe Millionaire) =
Major TV role--I eliminate on air.
Ernesto Guiraldes with:
The Magdalene Sisters =
Sadism threatens glee.
Mattias Inghe with:
Comedy series =
Yes, some cried.
Jaybur with:
Tom Hanks, Leonardo DiCaprio: 'Catch Me if You Can' =
Ooh, act in a cinema caper: do think my fraud's cool!
Meyran Kraus with:
A Mike Tyson fight =
Hey, fast K.O. timing!
Ahmad Sadali Ramli with:
Survivor: The Amazon =
Vast river + human = zoo.
1st - Jaybur with:
The Stop the War alliance =
Let this weapon-race halt.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
'The Station' club, Rhode Island =
Locals burned to death in this.
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Shuttle disaster =
The US is startled.
Larry Brash with:
Howard =
War? D'oh!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Space shuttle debris =
Let this used scrap be.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Total annihilation =
Nail that oil nation!!
Jesse Frankovich with:
UN Weapons Inspectors =
Ensure panic stops now?
Toby Gottfried with:
Main reaction in US: grim =
It's mourning in America.
Toby Gottfried with:
Oil figures belie ~
religious belief.
Toby Gottfried with:
UN chief weapons inspector Hans Blix =
Function: expose plan which bears sin.
Richard Grantham with:
UN chief weapons inspector Hans Blix =
Chap flew in, can probe Hussein's toxin.
Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Unilateralism =
U.S.' martial line.
Adrian Hickford with:
Shuttle disaster =
Death's its result.
Adrian Hickford with:
Destructive weapons =
Potent US war devices.
Mattias Inghe with:
UN weapon inspectors =
'Purpose was innocent!'
Jaybur with:
Seven die in the Columbia Shuttle disaster =
I add these lines: tribute to such lives. Amen.
Jaybur with:
'Misunderestimated' Bush =
Must mean he is disturbed.
Paul Pan with:
Guernica =
I grace UN.
Matjaz Pihler with:
The space shuttle Columbia =
Comes up as "Hi-tec, but lethal".
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Nigerian spams =
I'm in anger. Pass!
Ahmad Sadali Ramli with:
US wants to be a superhero =
Bush sets a route: open war!
Hans-Peter Reich with:
Valentine's Day =
Nets naive lady.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A cheap motel =
Place to...*ahem*.
eq.2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Prosthetic breast implants =
I'm the best (plastic) porn star.
eq.2nd - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Man + penis + Viagra =
Sperm in a vagina.
Joe Fathallah with:
The singer and dancer Michael Jackson =
A danger, as he jams cock in ten children!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Abstinent until marriage =
Ultimate restraining ban.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Explosive diarrhea =
Oh relax, I've diapers.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Exotic dances =
Do nice sex act.
Jesse Frankovich with:
The Swimsuit Issue =
Misuse, with tissue!
Toby Gottfried with:
Saint Valentine's Day =
It's a sin and lay event.
Meyran Kraus with:
Fast Food Chain employee =
Heads off to pee in my cola.
Paul Pan with:
Exotic dancers =
Can excite "rods".
Ahmad Sadali Ramli with:
Hardcore pictures =
Such rapid erector.
Hans-Peter Reich with:
A long prick =
Lap rocking.
1st - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
M. Caine =
Cinema.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
George Walker Bush, President of America =
Help urge a big war, for I seek a second term.
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Mad sadist? =
It's Saddam!
Bhaskar with:
The NBA star Yao Ming =
Short by name? A giant!
Joe Fathallah with:
The Terrorist Mujahid Osama Bin Laden =
Rabid trojan is not real. The US made him.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Astronaut Ilan Ramon =
Mourn a national star.
Scott Gardner with:
The Secretary of State, Colin Powell =
React hotly--I tell of secret weapons!
Toby Gottfried with:
US President Abraham Lincoln =
Slain - blame shunned actor - R.I.P.
Toby Gottfried with:
The President of the United States =
Then I detest the far stupidest one.
Adrian Hickford with:
Dislike Bin Laden? =
Daniel Libeskind!
Jaybur with:
The actor Michael Caine =
Choice theatrical name.
Jaybur with:
The singer Barry Manilow =
Many ignore this warbler!
Jaybur with:
His Holiness the Pope =
PS: He is the Polish one.
Ahmad Sadali Ramli with:
George Bush and Saddam Hussein =
Baddish, huge ass, dangerous men.
1st - David A. Green with:
The Sword Swallowers Association International =
Wince as I lower it... Alas, sore throat and tonsils now!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Salvation Army =
Heal my starvation.
eq.3rd - Tony L. with:
Internal Revenue Service =
I never return even a slice.
eq.3rd - Paul Pan with:
United States of America =
Atomic tests are fun idea!
Jesse Frankovich with:
The United States of America =
Thief dictator nauseates me.
Scott Gardner with:
Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences =
Studs of cinema anticipated Oscar ceremony.
David A. Green with:
The Canadian Association for People Who Stutter =
So, ca-can i-it help us o-o-orate with n-no daft repeats?
Adrian Hickford with:
The Sword Swallowers Association International =
In a Clown's show, I strain to eat a solid narrow steel.
Adrian Hickford with:
Mike Keith's Anagram Artist for Windows =
I'm thinking "Master Software Award" is OK.
Adrian Hickford with:
Washington, District of Columbia =
Fact: Idiotic G.W. Bush is not normal.
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Serbia and Montenegro =
Name born on tragedies!
Hans-Peter Reich with:
Washington =
Snow-hating.
1st - Allan Morley with:
Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid To Ask) =
Wise textbook does analyse every awkward thing about a fun way to rut.
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
We believe in One Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of the Father. =
For He chose his Twelve able friends to listen on the journey.
3rd - Matjaz Pihler with:
Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Serbia, Montenegro, and Macedonia =
A menace, as a Slavic band is bordering on one another. A migraine zone to avoid.
Richard Brodie with:
Half a dozen Iraqi nationals, that are picked up at the southern border in view of San Diego, are jailed by Mexico. =
If American existence is jeopardized, have adequate Arab insight there in your patrol handbook, and follow it!
David A. Green with:
Anna Sewell's 'Black Beauty: The Autobiography of a Horse' =
Tale about hapless ebony nag. I hate her awful, scary book.
Jaybur with:
The seven members of the Columbia Shuttle crew: Husband, McCool, Anderson, Brown, Chawla, Clark, and Ramon. =
Watch news, a crash. A troubled world needs brave, humble men: must confront shock, acclaim honorable men.
Meyran Kraus with:
'Othello, Moor of Venice', a tragedy by William Shakespeare =
Oh, Iago's raves compel the ebony army-leader to kill a wife!
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
One Splendid Demonstration of ESP
1. Pick a number from 1 to 10.
2. Multiply it by 9. Add the digits of the result together. Subtract 5.
3. Assign a letter to the answer you have (A=one, B=two, etc).
4. Think of a country that begins with this letter.
5. Think of an animal that begins with the second letter of the country.
6. What's a colour associated with the animal?
7. That's odd... see, there are no grey elephants in Denmark!
=
A Lesson In Fear
1. Repeat stages 1-3 in the trick above.
2. Think of the name of a cute bird that starts with that letter.
3. Imagine the snappy sound it makes. Go on.
4. Obtain the first letter of that sound. Think about a country which ends with the letter.
5. Try to dwell on the global menace its cold, sadistic leader presents.
6. Then, drift your hate towards the camel-humping demons...
7. Honey, you're now a bigot.
2nd - Allan Morley with:
To a Terrorist
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
From http://www.voy.com/fowner.html:
"VoyForums is planning a scheduled downtime within the next few days. The downtime is for the purpose of upgrading the VoyForums software to the newest version. We expect the downtime to last hours, and may be prolonged to ensure a clean upgrade."
So if you can't get through, try again in a few hours or the next day. With luck, the delay won't be long enough to cause major disruption.
=
What an outrageous announcement! What overblown hogwash! They're going to withdraw the opportunity to post up my mixture of exceedingly dreadful, overweeningly wretched, filthy ass-powered anagrams for a few exceptional moments? I'm dumbfounded! How are we to function or survive without the system? Just how? It's shocking. You offhandedly suggest post-postponement henceforth. Well, I'd rather not!
Adrian
Jesse Frankovich with:
A 17-year-old girl who received lungs and a heart that didn't match her blood type received a new set of organs, this time with a correct match.
=
'Advanced' medicine? 'Renowned' hospital? Bah! Altogether witchery, rather! What 'regarded' fat alcoholic surgeon committed this travesty?
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Shakespeare's 117th sonnet anagrammed into three less-than-serious poetic renditions of famous texts by the bard.
2nd - David Bourke with:
The Friendly Letter E
3rd - Larry Brash with:
INTRODUCTION: l am Mrs. Eki Omorodion l know this proposal will come to you as a surprise because we have not met before either physically or through correspondence. I have no doubt in your ability to handle this proposal involving huge sum of money.
THE SUBJECT: MY HUSBAND CHIEF JOSEPH OMORODION (Now Late) was the Royal Head of my Community, JESSE (an oil rich town) in Nigeria. My late husband's community produces 3.5% of the total crude oil production in Nigeria and 0.5% of the Dollar value of each barrel is paid to my husband as royalty by the Federal Government.
My husband was also the Chairman of OMPADEC, Jesse branch. In his position as the Royal head and Chairman of the OMPADEC, Jesse branch, he made some money which he left for me and our children as the only thing to inherit. The money is Twelve Million US Dollars ($12M).
Though this said fund accumulated between the period 1976-1998. Due to poor banking system in Nigeria and political instability as a result of past Military rules (1985-1999), he deposited this Money in a Strong Room/safe with an open beneficiary in Apex Bank of Nigeria pending when he would finish arrangement to transfer it abroad as a CONTRACT PAYMENT. He was planning this when he died late last year of Heart Attack.
THE PROPOSAL: Just before my husband died he called my attention to the money and charged me to look for a foreigner who would assist me in the transfer / investment of the funds abroad. So l would be very grateful if you could accept to help me archieve this great objective.
I promise to give you 20% of the total funds transferred to your vital bank account as compensation for your assistance. Five percent (5%) would be set aside to take care of all expenses we may incure during the transaction. To indicate your interest, contact me urgently and confidentially for more information and the roles you will play in this business. All the legal information concerning this Money will be sent to you as soon as we agree together.
Send your reply through this mail box, or see the note below
Yours faithfully, MRS. Eki Omorodion.
N.B I will like you to provide me immediately with your full names, telephone and fax numbers to enable my eldest son Whyte Omorodion to contact you. He shall handle this transaction from A-Z on behalf of the family. Alternatively you can call him on his telephone numbers 234-1-7761459, 873-762-533-730, fax 873-762-533-731. Ask him for the code and he shall respond GOODLUCK before discussion. Just to be sure that you are speaking to him.
=
Dear Mrs Omorodion,
Thank you for your polite email. I'm sorry to hear about the sudden and unexpected death of your husband. I extend my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I'm sure that your noble husband was a phenomenal man and I'd also feel that he would be proud of this humane project, too.
To me, it's sad to see how many black African leaders are murdered or die under suspicious circumstances each year, judging from the large number of these emails that are sent by their widows, remaining family members, and little children, hoping to relocate their funds in a safe place overseas. My heart goes out to those who lose dear ones in such a way.
Occasionally I also have noticed that there are many top Nigerian government officials who misjudged their budgets, to have been in that spot, predominantly by "over-invoicing", and who are keen to share their good fortune with smart people overseas. In short, such generosity amazes me. However, it concerns me that transfer of such vast sums of money may injure the economy of your countries in Africa. Still, I suppose they know what they're doing. No doubt, many international investors will excitedly pool millions in funds into your country to balance this, such is the trust that they would have of the integrity of the unimpeachable Nigerian Government and a handful of capable businessmen controlling the boom's potential profit.
I download many emails from capable Nigerian lawyers and dedicated councillors spending many hours looking for family members of deceased white foreigners, again to possibly share the wealth left behind. I had to sadly reject their offers, as I was not actually related to the deceased. In my judgement, it would seem dishonest of me to exploit the solicitor's human mistake. We're all guilty of the occasional foolish booboo.
Luckily, the Nigerian nation has come up a long way since the violent years of abhorrent British and European white colonial control. In my opinion, it appears that the population of your land has put the problems behind them, so I'm hoping that the national outlook is all optimism.
If you've no objection, please send my money, exactly one billion dollars, as bullion, small bills or as a check payable to a worthy charity, namely the "Foundation for Underprivileged Children of Kenya - Overseas Food Fund", better known by the acronym "F.U.C.K. - O.F.F.", of which I'm just the humble president.
Thanks
Larry Brash
David Bourke with:
For those who do not know Jon, let me introduce him. Jon Gearhart (aka "Earth Jargon", "Jargon Hater" and "The Organ Jar") was active in alt.anagrams in the late 90's and 2000. He kindly offered his services to help me running the Anagrammies, at a time that I was struggling to do it on my own. I am still very grateful for his help then, as the Anagrammies would have folded without his help. Jon's greater claim to fame was his pioneering huge anagrams. Up until then a large anagram was considered to be 100 letters and must of us struggled with even this length. Jon introduced anagrams that were in the thousands of letters, and often were anagrammed poems, such as the one that won the first Special Category in Oct 1998. Jon, along with Richard Brodie and Mike Keith, was an inspiration to us all, showing us that very long anagrams were possible. Jon pushed the numbers higher and higher, eventually topping out at a little under 20,000 letters with his Hunting of the Snark. In the Anagrammies, he was a prolific winner, gathering 17 monthly awards (he is still in the Top Ten), and one Grand Anagrammy. Now, Jon was not just good with long anagrams, his "Stipend = spend it" is one of the shortest winners ever. Jon is not only a great anagrammatist, but a great guy, too. I hope that I am not embarrassing him too much.
Larry
=
Jon Gearhart - an anagram Patron Saint
Jon's right fab, Jon's plain great,
At his feet I would prostrate.
I guess he's my bestest chum,
I love him more than my mum.
Gearhart's wonderful - what a bloke!
His name I *so* love to invoke.
Each day, I go down to the park,
And again read 'The Hunting Of The Snark'.
Jon turned the anagram world topsy-turvy,
He's a language genius...I'm not worthy.
He's stunning, just stunning, my gallant hero tall,
His picture's on the toilet wall.
Jon Gearhart's fantastic, on him I dote,
Any time, he'd get my instant vote.
He's so intelligent, he's just so clever,
I shall worship him forever.
Jon's perfect, over him I fawn,
I'd clean his car, I'd mow his lawn.
There's not a thing I wouldn't do,
What a star! He's too good to be true.
Gearhart's cooler than James Dean,
Ain't he phat? Know what I mean?
He's the man, right happening dude,
I'm glad his posting's again renewed.
Gearhart's the 'Piano Man',
I'm an also-ran, his greatest fan.
He's still anagramming's greatest name,
The Land Of Beyond? - Worldwide fame.
Jon's influential, plus he's refined,
Sure can't do no wrong, in my mind.
Jon's top dog, one cool hep cat
Gearhart's anagram wins are where it's at.
Again, Jon Gearhart's great, plain great,
His anagram writings more than words I rate.
Tongue tight-in-cheek, I would first utter,
In Gearhart's mouth, would not melt butter.
Richard Brodie with:
A History of French Warfare
Hundred Years War - A loss. Saved at last by a female schizophrenic who created The First Rule of French Warfare; "France will be victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
American Revolution - In a move that will become familiar to future Americans, France purports to claim a win even though the English colonists saw the most action. This becomes known as the "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
French Revolution - A win. Primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars - A loss. Temporary victories due to leadership of a Corsican (remember the First Rule!) who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
World War I - A tie. On the way to losing, the French people are saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
World War II - A loss. A conquered France is liberated by the United States of America and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
Algerian Rebellion - A loss. Marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkish Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Germany, England, Spain, Vietnam, and the Esquimaux.
War on the Iraqis - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and to Muslims just to be safe.
Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. You just leave a lot of useless, noisy baggage behind.
=
Letter home from a U.S. soldier:
Dear Dad,
The funniest thing occurred to me a few days ago in camp: This French army officer strolls up to me in our Base Commissary, sneers, and tells me he thinks we Americans are a bunch of crazy, mindless, cowboy blunderbusses, if we're going to provoke a wrongful war in Iraq. He tells me if such a consequence occurs, we wouldn't be able to count on the "essential" support of France. Well, I told him I wasn't surprised. Since we came as benefactors to France's rescue in World War I, in World War II, and in the Cold War, their infernal ingratitude for these liberalities, their hatred and jealousy, was certain to surface again at some point in the near future anyway. I told him that's why France is an unneeded, fourth-rate military power with a socialist economy and a bunch of, meek, nerveless, affected faggot queers for soldiers. I also told him America, being a fearless no nonsense nation of action, not of words, will do whatever it has to. France's support, if it ever came, was only for show anyway. Just like in every instance of NATO actions, the US will carry 85% of the burden, and provide 85% of the support, as shown by the fact that this scornful French officer was shopping in the American PX, and not the other way around. The officer began to get incoherently belligerent. I told him I would set his garbage errors straight outside in front of the restaurant and whip his ass senseless in front of the entire Multi-National Brigade East, thus proving even the smallest American has more fight in him than the average Frenchman. He referred to me slanderously as a barbarian cowboy, then walked away in a huff all crestfallen. With friends like these, who needs enemies?
Dad, tell mom I love her,
Your loving daughter
Mary Beth (last name, Johnson, Lt. Col, USMC)
Jesse Frankovich with:
CRUDE OIL
dark
cold
polluting
turning the wheels
coating baby seals
precious
evil
fluid
=
BUSH
unfit
illogical
'unpicked'
he urges war
(to settle old score)
dodgy
Republican
villain
Paul Pan with:
Urgent: Berihu (Frank) Rhurhubulu, Gen. Comptroller