Complete list of nominations for March 2003

MARCH 2003 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2003

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Adrian Hickford with:
"We must be the great arsenal of democracy" - Franklin D. Roosevelt =
"Can't anyone ever, sort of, kill Saddam? Or re-elect me, after?" - G. W. Bush

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Michelangelo Buonarroti's 'The Separation of Light from the Darkness' =
The halo of our Lord is breathtaking on Rome's Sistine Chapel fragment.

3rd - David Bourke with:
Clare Short, the MP for Birmingham Ladywood, and the Secretary of State for International Development =
Apparently Tony Blair commented: "She's revolting! Tolerance for Saddam? Not me! Traitor! Off with her head!"

David Bourke with:
"We may not be cash-flowing that much, but the sky's the limit. Well, when you pay dividends, that sky's-the-limit business doesn't hunt." =
Huh? Why, this stupidity, evidently it must be some senseless bollocks that half-witted yank G.W. Bush came out with, the damn ninny!

David Bourke with:
Gareth Gates: Singing Through My Stammer - A 'Tonight' Special =
See on tape: "I sh-sh-shan't... g-g-g-g-get... m-m-my... a-articulation... r-right".

Richard Brodie with:
Luckily the quest for Elizabeth Smart has ended well. She is alive! Parents express joy and then give thanks unto their God. =
Dad's thrilled that the hunt zeroes in. Grotesque, sick darkness of hell gives way to extreme, heavenly jubilant happiness.

Joe Fathallah with:
The President Of The United States Of America, George Walker Bush =
Habilitated greed makes the terrorist thug use offence weapons.

Jesse Frankovich with:
"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." --George W. Bush =
Man, we sure got a greedy boss with no clue running the place! Be gone!

Jesse Frankovich with:
For us men and for our salvation, He came down from Heaven, and became flesh. =
A Savior transformed: now a common human, He suffered and fell; hence... above.

Toby Gottfried with:
"Not every patriot thinks we should do to the people of Baghdad what Bin Laden did to us." =
To prove he didn't want to lose war, Bush happily took added guilt behind onset of death.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with: [Part of a 2002 open letter from Saddam Hussein to the Iraqi parliament]
Brothers and sisters,
We have given our deepest attention to your recommendation to us, regarding what you see as the right course of action to be taken vis-à-vis the resolution which is said to have been adopted by the Security Council, and, after extensive examination, we have come to conclude that we shall deal with this resolution according to the concepts contained in the letter signed by our Minister of Foreign Affairs to the Secretary-General of the United Nations. This is because your enemy, the alliance between Zionism, and the American administration and their satanic lackeys, has this time, after showing its claws and teeth. To wage war unilaterally against our people of valorous Mujahideen. The enemy, together with those who have represented the British government for the past several years, attack our country unilaterally, especially after the 30-state alliance which attacked us in 1991 and afterwards.

=

Sir,

It has come to our attention that you have weapons of mass destruction, including nuclear arms.

In a nation where the head of state (although admittedly much-loved) was never democratically elected, that is entirely unacceptable - not forgetting that you have attempted to invade other defenceless nations, have inveterately repressed an ethnic minority in the north (likewise those citizens who don't belong to the chief religious sect), and in fact have a certified history of warfare with the neighbours using chemical weapons.

As a result, that means we have no alternative but to consider your recalcitrant state an indisputable threat to international peace. We can see it was a grave error not finishing the job off last time the USA kicked your non-egalitarian arse, so do exactly as we say: either help us terminate Saddam, or otherwise you are next.

Best wishes to Cherie and the kids.

Yours sincerely,
George W. Bush

2nd - Richard Brodie with: [A fair and balanced quadruple pangram of exactly 400 letters]
The United States and one European ally launch an extremely powerful and amazing Shock and Awe technique in an offensive war with Saddam Hussein, unleashing from jets rockets that zoom unerroneously in, attacking with exact accuracy to explode on objectives in Iraq's sorely dazed capital city of Baghdad, and so easily inflicting the maximum injury by quickly vaporizing the major government headquarter buildings and leader hideouts, and say that oil is not the aim or any reason.
=
A Zionist inspired leader of America, George Walker Bush, and Tony Blair, Prime Minister of the UK, expect an angry Arab world to answer "Oh Yes!" and then just cave in quietly and rejoice, when they expand and advance harmfully in tanks loosed on the lands of a sovereign kingdom, and vanquish it in one totally crazy, hazardous, inhumanitarian quest, without any excuse or much justification recognized, as they come and exploit its subjects, smugly claiming a duty to halt the menace of Al Qaida.

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The perfect man and woman had a driving accident with Santa Claus. Just one of them survived... Who did?

The perfect woman. Because she's the only one that really existed in the first place... Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man!

=

And so do you see (perfectly), that if there is no perfect man (none... most males are astounding wild dunces) and there is no Santa Claus, thus, the perfect woman must have been the one that was driving the vehicle... And this explains why there was a car accident!

-- J. Frankovich

Larry Brash with:
Note from the Advertiser: We are strongly against sending unsolicited emails to those who do not wish to receive our special mailings. This sender has assured us that its mailing list is comprised of individuals who have opted in to receive such mailings. This is NOT unsolicited email. If you do not wish to receive further mailings, please follow the instructions below to be removed from their list. This sender honors all remove requests

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Wrong, arsehole! Don't offend me!

I never gave anyone permission to have my name inserted in, or connected to, this useless list. How ridiculous! A heinous spambot acquired it in various websites which I visit, or harvested it from newsgroups I use.

Get serious! If I choose tell the rotten sender to remove me from this childish list, all that will do is to confirm that this address is genuine and it will get sold to various illegal spam lists.

Cheerio!

Joe Fathallah with:
The President of the United States of America, George Walker Bush, and the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Anthony Charles Lynton Blair.
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For I feel that, if aliens looked at this Earth from the stars, they'd be stunned. One human race, one big kindred, trapped murdering one another, reigning criminal tyrants in battle. How?

Toby Gottfried with:
"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much, it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
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Let those who have the most keep it. Christ, if we spread around to the so-called 'have-nots' who have no hot food or rent, few would ever inherit their smooth fortune. -- George W. Bush

Adrian Hickford with:
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=

Welcome again, everyone, into the A.A. Forum!

A.A.? Meaning: an anachronistic re-arrangement of words.
To awaken, discover, understand, solve and be enlightened...
Who is Daniel F. Etter? So why commemorate him?

Programming, Management & associate workers of A.A: Larry Brash and Richard Grantham

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The Night Before Christmas

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A small bit from Lewis Carroll's 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland', Chapter VIII

3rd - Paul Pan with:
It was heartbreaking to find out about the death of Rachel Corrie run over by an Israeli bulldozer in Gaza. What is troubling about it is that a young woman with a fiery personality would travel to a combat zone to put her and others in a very dangerous situation. What was Rachel Corrie doing in front of a bulldozer in Gaza from all places? Israel is an American ally and an American passport does insure a preferential treatment in that country. Unfortunately, when the bullets are flying it is hard to check the identity of a person. Our president, George W. Bush, has said that in a war "some unintended casualties are inevitable".

Gaza is the hotbed for the Hamas, Islamic Jihad, Hezbollah, etc. terrorists, homicide bombers that perpetuate the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. The demolition of houses, as unfortunate as it is, happens to be a necessary deterrent in the conflict against the terrorists. America has gone halfway across the world to fight the terrorist evil. Israel is fighting that evil right in her own backyard. It is known that Israel gives the civilians residing in the buildings an advance notice. The innocent Israeli and even some American citizens who were blown up into pieces by the homicide Palestinian Arab terrorists did not get such notices. The Palestinian Arab leadership has integrated the killings of the innocent civilians into their strategy to defeat and destroy Israel. This is a conflict that is being waged not just on the battlefield but also in the media. In fact, it is expected that Iraq will do exactly the same.

Activism is great! However, it must be combined with a good common sense of reality. Just because Israel is a democratic, open society with more reporters per square mile than any other place on this planet, there is no guarantee of safety when one departs for Gaza, the hub of the Hamas terrorists.

There are many other troubled spots in the world like Chechnya, the Indian province of Kashmir, Columbia, the Philippines, Nigeria, Somalia, etc., that require the activists' attention. However, the networks cannot afford the liability insurance rates that are required to sent the reporters in there. Consequently, the reporting from such places is limited and does not generate the strong emotions.

The late Rachel Corrie had great and honorable intentions. Unfortunately she channeled them in the wrong direction.

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This pathetic propaganda blitz merits an anagrammatic retort!

The late Corrie's astonishing heroic act *was* quite disquieting and irresponsible; as are the shiniest heroic altruistic feats; as are outbursts of the heart during hostilities. Her antithetical actions contain the titanic, heroic, ingredients separating man from a beast.

Criticising her faith, her infinite heart? Let's not incite, taint, incriminate, nor castigate the victim: that is too irritating, acerbic, indecent a tactic, I attest, quite in rage!

No sinister mafia-chief institution militia shotguns hit or bat Corrie; no heathen Palestinian terrorist thief beat, stoned or hit her. She was intentionally throttled afoot to tatters, liquefied to death, by an obscene sadistic occupation-authorities' bulldozer tractor operator, a bitter, inapt eradicating *putz* sans IQ! Let's not lose perspective!

A titanic peace architect, a spirit afire, was she; a riant US citizen, a peripatetic tigress hit at heart. Rest in peace!

I present her swan song, an attestation to all those who belittle her act:

"I ...have ... few words to describe what I see. ... I don't know if ... the children here have ever existed without tank-shell holes in their walls ... an occupying army surveying them ... The children ... get me to practice my limited Arabic ... asking ... "Kaif Sharon?" "Kaif Bush?" and ... laugh when I say "Bush Majnoon" "Sharon Majnoon" back. (How is Sharon? ...Bush? Bush is crazy. Sharon is crazy.) But once you have seen the ocean and lived in a silent place, where water is taken for granted and not stolen in the night by bulldozers, and ...once you....spent an evening when you haven't wondered if the walls of your home might suddenly fall ... and ...met people who have never lost anyone ...the reality of a world that isn't surrounded by murderous ... tanks, armed "settlements" ... a giant metal wall, I wonder if you can forgive the world for all the years of your childhood spent existing... ... the people here are themselves or are descendants of people who were relocated here from their homes in historic Palestine ... Currently, the Israeli army is building a fourteen-meter-high wall between Rafah ...and the border... a no-mans land from the houses along the border. ...homes have been ... bulldozed ...I am just beginning to learn, from ... a very intense tutelage, about the ability of people to organize against all odds, and to resist against all odds."

(e-mail from Rachel Corrie to her parents on February 7, 2003)

Joe Fathallah with:
Darius: Colourblind

Jesse Frankovich with:
[A poem inspired by http://www.funnypoets.com/timbuktu.htm]

Write any poem with 'Timbuktu.'
What's a numb redneck to do?
"Want a minute..." He was spent.
He spouted one and here it went:
=
Tim and me a huntin' went,
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three and we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu.

The Anagrammy Awards

MARCH 2003 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY

THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY