Complete list of nominations for April 2003

APRIL 2003 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2003

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
"Today, President Bush announced he's been mispronouncing the name of Iraq all along. He said it's actually pronounced Syria." =
Our uneducated leader employs a questionable change in his plan to crush/destroy fiendish, annoying, non-compliant Arabs.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
"I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum." (A quote by Quentin Crisp) =
"Simple U.S. involvement can sometime help me end a goon's tyranny... But it's not quite simple, nor complete." (Civilian in Iraq)

3rd - Jaybur with:
Major Charles Ingram in the TV show 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire =
A man joins live Chris Tarrant game show: I win, *ahem*... or blow the lot.

Jesse Frankovich with:
The President of the United States of America, George Walker Bush =
Grudge: he seeks that we fetch, tie up terrorist foe Osama bin Laden.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Peregrin Took, Gimli, son of Gloin, Legolas Greenleaf of the Wood-Elves, Boromir, son of Denethor, Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and Gandalf the Grey.
=
"Lord of the Rings": Four small, shy Hobbits (one Ring-Bearer), a common, disagreeable dwarf, a good-looking elf, two savage men (one ranger King), and an aged fogey/sorceror plan going to the Fires of Doom.

2nd - Ralph Musco with:
"Coalition forces will remain in Iraq as long as necessary to help the Iraqi people to build their own political institutions and reconstruct their country, but no longer. We look forward to welcoming a liberated Iraq to the international community of nations. We call upon our partners in the international community to join with us in ensuring a democratic and secure future for the Iraqi people."

Coalition forces will retain Iraq as long as necessary to pump the Iraqi oil tit and build our own oil institutions and construct a Starbuck's or a Fina station, maybe a lot longer. I welcome the UN to meet in Iraq (won't help once). We call upon the oil community to join in pumping oil and in screwing Iraq. They need retain no crude; there is no car or train.

We control their future hope. Fear not terror!

Fill it up!

3rd - David Bourke with:
Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband's penis. She was driving down the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car travelling in the opposite direction. "Shit," said the driver to his passenger. "What kind of a bug was that?" "I dunno," he replied. "But did you see the size of the cock on it?!"

=

John Wayne Bobbitt was in the following car, chasing his wife, steering and shifting gear with one hand, staunching the stub's fresh new blood with the other. He found his dick down the road, stopped, reversed, picked it up, stuffed it in his trousers, then, dazed, drove it to hospital. But the doctor took it, and cut it in two. "Oh wow, doctor!" he said. "Even better to use in a three's up, huh?"

Adrian Hickford with:
Everyone has probably received the reminder email by now, but I should really announce the opening of voting here as well. (I have been out at a concert and forgot to do this earlier)

CLICK HERE TO VOTE IN THE FIFTH ANNIVERSARY ANAGRAMMY AWARDS

BTW, because of the fifth anniversary, we have real prizes for the winners this month (max one per person - sorry, Mey, you can't have 5!), You'll have to wait till the results come out to find out what they are.

Larry

=

Here I offer a reply to the esteemed Dr. Brash's intentionally verbose advertisement for the five-year old competition.

How unreservedly generous of our authoritative and honorary (or inveterate) chief to give away actual bonanza in return for unworthy achievements. Hurrah! Henceforth, he's a noble chap, twenty-four-seven.

To the victor belong the spoils...
(William L. Marcy)

(and I expect what's-his-name, Meyran Kraus will bag all the booty anyway!)

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Edwin Arlington Robinson: Richard Cory

2nd - Larry Brash with:
ESP is most commonly known as the "sixth sense." It is sensory information that an individual receives which comes beyond the ordinary five senses sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch. It can provide the individual with information of the present, past, and future; as it seems to originate in a second, or alternate reality.

History:

The term "ESP" was used in 1870 by Sir Richard Burton. A French researcher, Dr. Paul Joire, in 1892 used the term ESP to describe the ability of person who had been hypnotized or were in a trance state to externally sense things without using their ordinary senses.

However, the phenomena of ESP activity has been indicated much earlier, some say even in Biblical times. Although there is no clear evidence as to the certainty of the phenomena it has attracted the attention and enthusiasm of many throughout the centuries.

In the 1920's a Munich ophthalmologist, Dr. Rudolph Tischner, used ESP in describing the "externalization of sensibility." Then in the 1930s the American parapsychologist J. B. Rhine popularized the term to include psychic phenomena similar to sensory functions. Rhine was among the first parapsychologists to test ESP phenomena in the laboratory.

The first systematic study of ESP was conducted in 1882, when the Society for Psychical Research was founded n London. The journals of this society Proceedings and Journal were published as well as other publications in the United States and the Netherlands. Soon other countries were reporting similar findings.

However, these first studies of ESP were rarely experimental. The studies consisted of mostly spontaneous incidents that were located. Many of the individuals studied were self-claimed "sensitives" or psychics. Rarely were they examined under anything resembling laboratory conditions. The researchers conducting the examinations resembled prosecuting lawyers. The subjects were bombarded with questions, those standing up the best were judged creditable.

Steve approaches a bus stop and notices a man waiting there. He says, "do you have any idea when the next bus is due?" The man replies that it will be here in three minutes and thirty-four seconds.

"How can you be so definite that it'll be in exactly three minutes and thirty-four seconds?"

The man replies: "Just wait and you will see." Sure enough, three minutes and thirty-four seconds later, at the precise second, the bus stops by the curb.

Steve is puzzled, but dismisses it cynically: "Crap! In my opinion, I consider that it occurred only as a coincidence... an error".

"No error", the man informs him. "The next bus will be here in exactly three minutes and fifty-nine seconds". Again the bus appears exactly on time, correctly as he had predicted. He repeats the feat for the following three buses, each specific one appears right on time.

Steve's amazed and he tells the man that is just startling. He's never seen anything concerning this before. "Just how did you happen to find this?"

The man replies: "It is called ESP".

Baffled, he replies, "And just what is that?"

The man indicates it means Extrasensory Perception.

Steve, convinced that there is something in this, cries:

"Wow, this is real cool! I wonder if I can learn it, too? I want to be able to do it and impress people".

"Sure, no problem. I'll teach you this rare secret. Just come down this lane with me".

They go down the lane. The man tells him to drop his trousers.

"No chance, don't be silly!" he cries. The man dismisses his concerns, "you can trust me, friend; it is quite harmless; don't be worried". He drops his pants very cautiously.

"Now bend over".

Horrified, he screams "NO, Stupid! Sorry, no way am I going to do that!"

"Nonsense! Don't worry! It is alright; trust me, friend; don't panic, sir, do not; I'm sincere indeed".

He bends over warily and, as fast as lightning, the man drops his trousers and rips his stiff penis hard into Steve's arse in a second, before he can react.

Steve cries in horror. "SHIT! I JUST KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT!"

The man replies "See, there you go, you're getting the hang of it already."

3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
[A famous mnemonic for the digits of pi (HOW=3, I=1, NEED=4 etc.) anagrammed into another pi mnemonic.]

How I need a drink, alcoholic in nature, after the heavy chapters involving quantum mechanics.
=
Can I coin a chant equalling pi? Harken: "Three and unity sevenths." "Void-match", however formulaic.

Joe Fathallah with:
University of Glamorgan

Prifysgol Morgannwg

Pontypridd

CF37 1DL

Tel 01443 480480

Fax 01443 480558

Joseph Constantine Fathallah

8 The Retreat

Penylan

Cardiff

CF23 5QZ

Dear Student,

You have been selected as a representative of the student body at the University of Glamorgan to provide the University with input regarding areas of your student experience that you are satisfied and dissatisfied with.

You have recently received the Student Satisfaction Survey in the post. The survey gives you the opportunity to comment on both academic and more general experiences. It only takes 20 minutes to complete, and gives you the chance to win one of six cash prizes: one prize of �500 and five prizes of �100 are to be won by those who return the completed survey.

This is your chance to have input into the running of the University - both to instigate future changes if there are things you do not like, and to let the University know what us being done well. Your replies are confidential, and the results of surveys will be made available to students and staff in the autumn.

It would be very much appreciated if you could take the time to complete the survey and drop it into the post. Your contribution is essential to creating a University you are satisfied with and proud of.

Yours sincerely,

Adrian L. Webb

Professor A. L. Webb

Vice-Chancellor

=

8 The Retreat,

Penylan,

Cardiff.

CF23 5QZ.

Professor A. Hitler.... I mean Webb,

University of Glamorgan,

Pontypridd.

CF37 1DL.

Dear Sir,

I acknowledge receipt of your letter regarding the student survey. However, I have not even replied because my conscience did not let me.

I'm only even here to avoid working,see! Next, I'm so very dubious about the purpose of the University because I do not believe that, through your courses, you try to develop students into more rounded, knowledgable people, but indoctrinate them into innocent work in the business world, without the understanding to ever stand up versus the crazy capitalist system. Hence that way, the convenience profits of you guffawing finance fatcats remain intact in the region of �888,855,544,444,443,321,110,000,000,000 per year, don't they? Except as a student of virtually no cash, I have to pay fees tax cut near the zenith every year! Your daft robot Blair states he needs it for the 'economy', but aren't billions used in a massacre of innocent gulf people every day?

Thus no you eunuch, I don't want to help 'improve', that is, exult, this insane heap of evil shit.

Yours disgustedly,

Joe Fathallah,

Socialist Party Representative,

University of Glamorgan.

P.S. I see, faggot, if you ever read this disrespect then I die a slow, painful and futile death with an uzi, but isn't it funny that is what most icy dictators do?

THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

This month's challenge was to anagram "Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome". Slight variations on that text were also accepted for competition.

1st - Richard Grantham with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) =
So current rare disease proves a mystery.

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome =
Reporter: "Very many cases sure to die."

3rd - Allan Morley with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) =
See sad report on rare mystery virus case.

David Bourke with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome =
Run! Stops more rice-eaters everyday!

Richard Brodie with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome =
See torment? Devise a cure? Sorry, pray!

Dan Fortier with:
Severe Acute Respiratory syndrome =
Virus case, yeomen yet spread terror.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome =
Disease purveyor: terror-enemy acts?

Toby Gottfried with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) =
Reports say many recover, i.e., rest assured.

Toby Gottfried with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) =
It sees reports resume - very sorry, Canada.

David A. Green with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome =
More corpses near every day? It's true!

Meyran Kraus with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome =
More true cases every day in reports.

Paul Pan with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome ~
spread over. Tears, misery, no cure yet!

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
The Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome =
See, reported as true mystery over China!

Hans-Peter Reich with:
Severe acute respiratory syndrome =
Corona-virus pest. See a remedy? Retry!

The Anagrammy Awards

APRIL 2003 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY

THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY