Complete list of nominations for September 2004

SEPTEMBER 2004 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2004

THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Jaybur with:
Nurse Florence Nightingale, the Lady with a Lamp =
This Crimea War angel, on duty helping the fallen.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The actress Marilyn Monroe =
Hey, immortal star on screen!

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The number one golfer in the world, Vijay Singh =
Now he revels in the darn joy of humbling Tiger.

David Bourke with:
The Manchester United footballer Wayne Rooney =
One burly meathead's often into a whore recently.

David Bourke with:
The Kiss bass guitarist and vocalist Gene Simmons =
A bit long, this masked narcissist's massive tongue!

Tony Crafter with:
Irish dancer Michael Flatley =
Hi! A chancy Emerald Isle flirt.

Scott Gardner with:
The actress Lindsay Lohan =
A child starlet, she annoys!

Scott Gardner with:
George Bush Senior =
Oh, sires one bugger!

Toby Gottfried with:
The Saudi Arabian Ambassador =
I, 'Bandar Bush', amass aid to area.

Adrian Hickford with:
Madonna and Guy Ritchie =
Hating and acrimony due...

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Emperors Nero and Caligula =
Deplore again cruel Romans.

Rick Rothstein with:
The historic emperors Nero and Caligula =
Each ruler's the original despotic Roman.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months (Oscar Wilde) =
I exclaimed: "How is it women's favorite outfits or best silver shoes last no longer than half a year?"

2nd - David Bourke with:
The English wartime singer Dame Vera Margaret Lynn =
Damn Germans hate her very stirring "We'll Meet Again"!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
'I hope you'll come and join us, and the world will live as one.' (From song: 'Imagine') =
John Lennon's melodious dream: 'I'm holding out for Peace. Evil, sin, will go away.'

David Bourke with:
The late South African industrialist Sir Robert Alastair Newton Morton =
Sure, it's all down to his toil that Eurostar trains ran me Britain to France.

David Bourke with:
McNeil Consumer and Specialty Pharmaceuticals =
Technical crap: Imodium cleans-up any rectal mess.

Jesse Frankovich with:
The Democratic Front for the Liberation of Palestine =
Oft the abettor of their open armed conflict in Israel.

Toby Gottfried with:
The election of the President of the United States of America =
The nice safe Democrat is effete; the other one, stupid in total.

David A. Green with:
'Uncle Tom's Cabin, or Life among the Lowly' by Harriet Beecher Stowe =
A nice story: we chiefly met Negroes who labor but become in thrall.

David A. Green with:
'Romance Fiction: A Guide to the Genre' by Kristin Ramsdell =
Girl met boyfriend Denis... neck a lot... marriage... then coitus!

Jaybur with:
Vijay Singh, a golfer, rejoicing in a name that is very difficult to anagram using only its own letters =
Oh, let's try to find a gem. 'V', 'J' (a cruel, infuriating 'J'!) a vowel missing. I can try, say, FORE! Then... losing it again.

Meyran Kraus with:
The Encyclopaedia Britannica Two Thousand-Four Deluxe Edition =
Educated, alphabetic index tool you own has a current definition.

THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

This month's challenge was to provide anagrammed speech bubbles for a photograph from the recent anagrammatists' get-together in London. The left-hand side of each anagram is spoken by Tony Crafter (holding a copy of William Tunstall-Pedoe's Anagram Genius book); the right-hand side is Tunstall-Pedoe's reply.

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

2nd - David Bourke with:
"Mr William Tunstall-Pedoe! I am your biggest fan!" =
"Swell! I'm a little bit proud of my Anagram Genius!"

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
"Hey! Note this down-and-out loon gave this to me for free." =
"Now I only have ten thousand more of these to get rid of."

Larry Brash with:
"William, any more plans for these Anagram Genius books?" =
"I'm also making up a somewhat large library of nonsense."

Tony Crafter with:
"Wild story, son!" =
"It's only words."

Dan Fortier with:
"You did all these ANAGRAMs?! You must be a GENIUS!" =
"You bet! (LAUGHS) Using it as ad made us real money!"

Jesse Frankovich with:
"Care for another Stella?" =
"Those are all on Crafter!"

Jesse Frankovich with:
"My interest's YOU, pal..." =
"It's my pleasure, Tony."

Jesse Frankovich with:
"It's a grand one, William!" =
"Well, I do anagrams in it."

Toby Gottfried with:
"You filled this entire book with... anagrams??" =
"I'm the genius behind it. Always look for art."

David A. Green with:
"William, we have run out of paper in the gents. Any suggestions?" =
"Yes, when venting I use rolls of that Anagram Genius to wipe up!"

David A. Green with:
"What's that you're holding in your left hand Mr Tunstall-Pedoe?" =
"Aha! Don't laugh. My dreadful short little unnoteworthy penis."

Jaybur with:
"So all the drinks are on you then, William, right?" =
"Oh, hardly! Listen, I'm a networking author: I sell!"

Jaybur with:
"You must be WILLIAM?" =
"I am: we must BILL you."

Jaybur with:
"'Tunstall-Pedoe', double-barrelled... you must be rich, surely?" =
"Blue-blooded, ultra pure, yes, sure...but don't call me Shirley!"

Meyran Kraus with:
"Hey William, would you sign it for me?" =
"Ow!! I'm sure I will, if you let my hand go!"

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Why so happy? I get to count on Rolex camera to avow I'd upper hand!" =
"'Cos new video photo (an X-ray) captured what you're hoping to palm!"

Paul Pan with:
"Pray, sign this defamed but hot & neat anagram portfolio, ol' poof!" =
"No time for autographs, old beast, I'm off to play the grand piano!"

Hans-Peter Reich with:
"The smile on your face suggests you made it to the toilet in time?!" =
"O my, seemingly I felt it come out, get it? Oh, and the tissues are out..."

Christopher Sturdy with:
"Funny book's full of shit. Tut tut - each word I come to's very rude." =
"You should know. You contributed the most vile stuff, Crafter."

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Jaybur with:
'A Story Wet As Tears' by Marge Piercy

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
"It's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on November Second, we make the right choice, because if we make the wrong choice, then the danger is that we'll get hit again, and we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States." (V.P. Richard Cheney)

=

After the shocking statement, Bush's inevitable act was to fire Cheney.
"I had the godawful note read to me again. It was beyond belief", the president muttered. "I still can't get past the 'avoid the wrong choice' bit. Can someone tell me what the hell was he thinking? Why was he advocating Kerry?!"

3rd - David Bourke with:
The book 'The Haynes Workshop Manual: Woman.
Age 16 years to 21 recurring. All models, shapes, sizes and colours
- The practical guide to women's health for men'
=
How to:
- Chat her up.
- Undo bra.
- Grease nipples.
- Wash undercarriage.
- Oil 'G-zone'.
- Fill any holes / marks.
- Make the slut scream: "OOH! AH!! YES!!!" (Needs own tool - at most 12-16 cm.)

David Bourke with:
Hello my name is Marc, after suffering from acne and oily skin for years
I finally discovered a cure about two years ago. Ever since, my face has
been oil and acne free! I've decided to publish an ebook detailing my
amazing cure.

If you suffer from oil skin or acne please go to my website...

http://oilfreeskin.cjb.net

Your problem can be cured within one week!

=

Dear Marc,

I remember I also used to be an ugly acne-ridden teenage kid
(of fourteen) with a chronic sprinkling of juicy, creamy zits all
over my scabby, oily eyesore of a face. So I had a skin graft
from off my bum. Now nineteen, look! I have a genuine, perfect,
pimples-free cleaner face. But, trouble is, I now have a discernible
crooked funny sideways smile, too!

David Bourke with:
The Right Honourable Anthony Charles Lynton Blair,
the Prime Minister, MP for Sedgefield, the First
Lord of the Treasury and Minister for the Civil Service.
=
Spin-doctoring horrific little red Hitler, very much more
interested in a hunt ban/P.R. than terrorism/the life of
a British hostage. All very sly. He offends me.

David Bourke with:
It is Spring here and last Sunday, I walked out my front door to a beautiful sunny morning. I thought that the garden was worth photographing and sharing with you all.

So here it is:
Larry's garden

I did the landscaping on my own several years ago (pre-Internet days).

Japanese Maple - left centre, Wistaria - centre, Several Azalia bushes left centre

Larry

=

Very pleasant, Larry, you neat Australian person! I suppose I'm jealous! It's late Autumn here, and it's freezing. I thought my no-nonsense rear yard was worth photographing and sharing with you.

So here it is:
David's garden

Half a long ladder. A bicycle wheel and frame. Weeds. - Right
Stinking pongy cat litter. - Centre
Trash, a wine bottle, and rats. - Left

David

Tony Crafter with:
There was a young tar from the sea,
Who screwed a baboon in a tree;
The result was most horrid,
All arse and no forehead,
Four balls and a purple goatee!
=
Proof that, although she's a swinger, a lad must not screw an ape. Woo her; send flowers; be a real Romeo; fine. But be a dear - treat her as a lady. No rude oral.

Toby Gottfried with:
It's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on
November Second, we make the right choice, because if we
make the wrong choice, then the danger is that we'll get
hit again, and we'll be hit in a way that will be
devastating from the standpoint of the United States.
=
Get it?
This time, we can't be astonished that we become that
Wanted-Dead-or-Alive-but-Still-on-the-Loose Osama Bin
Laden's target. It can mean a few votes in the ugly,
reeking plans of the whacko lightweights Bush/Cheney to
fight the election with Kerry/Edwards, a fine team.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet Number Two by William Shakespeare

2nd - David Bourke with:
Piano Man

3rd - Richard Grantham with:
the pet goat

Tony Crafter with:
There was a young lady named Gloria,
Who was screwed by Sir Gerald Du Maurier,
And then by ten men,
Sir Gerald again,
And the band at the Waldorf Astoria!
=
Sir Gerald, mad-eyed at their fun,
Wades in armed with a dagger and gun;
"Ye ragtime bastards!" he calls,
"Draw away - or no balls."
Now they're a band on the run. (Oi!)

The Anagrammy Awards

SEPTEMBER 2004 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY