APRIL 2010 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2010

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Agatha Christie's 'Mysterious Affair at Styles' =
As a first case for my sleuth, I say it's a great hit!

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There =
The touching tale of a gal's hikes through Wonderland.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Harry Potter series' final movies =
A hero inspires for the very last time.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Wardrobe malfunction =
Rerun of an act mid-Bowl.

View with:
The 'Alice in Wonderland' story =
A child enters inane toy-world.

Adie Pena with:
Gustav Holst's orchestral suite "The Planets" =
That totals seven (sic)! Less Earth, Pluto? Shrug.

Scott Gardner with:
Italian sculptor Verrocchio (Andrea di Cione) =
Oil-painter coach recruits Leonardo da Vinci.

Ellie Dent with:
'The Siren's Song' by William Browne ~
is when mariners listen... go wobbly!

Adie Pena with:
The producers Trey Parker and Matt Stone =
Partners met; do create trendy "South Park."

Scott Gardner with:
Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There =
Huge "White Knight" tale of an author, Charles L. Dodgson.

Scott Gardner with:
Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There =
Oh, walking through reflection has astounded the gal!

Adie Pena with:
Host Conan O'Brien ~
on TBS. A nice honor!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
'How to Train Your Dragon' =
No-tooth guy and warrior.

Tony Crafter with:
William Shakespeare's 'Macbeth' ~
whimpers, "Hell, I am a basket-case!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
William Shakespeare's 'Macbeth' =
Ah, witches make pals miserable!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Man to girlfriend: "I've got a full set of three Olympic condoms, and I shall wear the gold one first. Chances are, you're ~ in for a hit, gold-medalist performance!"

Girl (frostily): "Tell you what, use the silver one and come second for a change."

2nd - David Bourke with:
The golfer Tiger Woods finishes in fourth place at the Masters in Augusta =
It's a par first game round though...seeing he was a little stiff on the course!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A guy walked into a bar with this mutt, saying he could talk. "Get me a beer and watch." "Fido, what is that above us?" The dog said "ROOF!" =
"Who was an ace guy at baseball?" "RUTH!" (Fact - got it!) The barman, Ted, threw the two out. Fido asked: "Ya think I should've said DiMaggio?"

Adie Pena with:
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass... it's about learning how to dance in the rain." =
But it's wrong; another basic inane tale, too. I first got wet -- and also pneumonia for this shit!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." - Lewis Carroll
=
1. Bossy hare
2. Massive deep hole
3. Extreme fall
3. Wise worm
4. Tabby is invisible
6. Sticks are flamingos

Adie Pena with:
Charles and John Wesley's sacred song "Christ the Lord Is Risen Today" =
Dear crowd sings, "Lynched on the cross; and shall rise this Easter. Joy!"

Rosie Perera with:
Women Arrested for Trying to Take Dead Relative on Plane =
"Dear Pat, Never take remains flying. We don't tolerate odor!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
Pablo Picasso said, "Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth." =
I said: "I look up at abstract shapes; thus, the real materializes."

Tony Crafter with:
The Prime Minister Gordon Brown's position is untenable? =
New Labour's tormented boss is in the mire? Ripping notion!

David Bourke with:
A general election is called on Thursday the sixth of May =
The Daily Mail analyses: "That once-cheerful Gordon exits!"

David Bourke with:
The National Air Traffic Control Service has closed all airports =
A terrorist threat? April fools? In fact, no...Icelandic ash covers all!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Monsieur Hercule Poirot and Captain Arthur Hastings =
Lone actors pair up on murder hunts in Agatha Christie

Dharam Khalsa with:
World Peoples' Summit on Climate Change and the Rights of Mother Earth =
Photos confirm the higher (damn hot!) temperatures melted glacial snow.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Who says the Chinese don't have a sense of humour?

Two British businessmen were sitting down for a break in their shortly-to-be opened shop. As yet though, the shop wasn't properly ready - it had no stock and only one shelf had been put up.

One man said to the other, 'I'll just bet that any minute, some damned idiotic tourist is going to come by, stick his face through that door, and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner had the words left his mouth than, as predicted, a curious Chinese tourist peered in through the open door. In a thick Chinese accent, he asked, 'So, what you sell?'

One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.'

Without missing a beat, the Chinaman said, 'You doing velly well, only two left!'

=

Three dead bodies turned up at a mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.

The Coroner called the police to inform them what had happened.

The Coroner told the Inspector: 'First body: Angelo Elana, a stereotype Italian, died of heart failure while with his new mistress. Hence, as you see, the enormous smile.'

'Second body: Angus Jackson. Scottish, won twenty-two thousand pounds on the National Lottery but wasted it on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning; hence the insane smile.'

The Inspector asked, 'How about the third body?'

'The most unusual one of all,' said the Coroner: Seamus O'Shaugnessy, Irish, struck by lightning.'

'So, why's he smiling?' asked the Inspector.

'Thought he was having his photo taken!'

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Susie was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept off and on during most of the class. One day her teacher, a nun, called on her to answer a question while she was sound asleep. "Tell me Susie, who created the universe?"

When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny, who was her friend sitting behind her, took his No. 2 pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

Susie leaped up and shouted, "God Almighty!"

The nun remarked, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.

A little later the nun asked Susie, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"

But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny stuck her in the butt.

"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Susie.
~
The incredulous nun enthused, "You're right! Success! Hallelujah!"

But Susie, our still-drowsy schoolgirl, had soon returned to her nap.

Observing this, the relentless nun chose to ask the unaware student a new question: "Susie, answer this...What did Eve say to Adam after she had borne his twenty-third child?"

Nevertheless, Johnny again rescued his friend just in time, poking the sharp No. 2 pencil in her ass. Distressed Susie jumped to action, swore, and bellowed, "If you stick that thing in me once more, I will break it in half!!"

(The classmates all stood and cheered in a chorus of laughter, but the outdone nun had a sudden nosebleed.)

3rd - Adie Pena with:
TOP TEN BUSHISMS: The Stupidest Things The Former U.S. President George W. Bush Has Ever Said

10. "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."

9. "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."

8. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft."

7. "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."

6. "You work three jobs? É Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." [to a divorced mother of 3]

5. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."

4. "They misunderestimated me."

3. "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?"

2. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

1. "There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again."

=

TEN OF THE MOST HUMOROUS APRIL FOOL'S DAY HOAXES

- Thanks to the rarity of an enemy (i.e., the spaghetti weevil), Swiss farmers had huge spaghetti crops.

- I see a rookie who pitches at 276.8 km/hour; joins New York Mets.

- A B-and-W set to receive transmissions in color with a nylon stocking over the screen.

- Yesterday, Taco Bell hinted that it bought the Liberty Bell! (Woo-hoo!)

- San Serriffe, a country in the Indian Ocean of many semicolon-shaped islands.

- Do you remember his roguery? An effete, odious Nixon (so, they see your same untrustworthy NOSE!) to run for president again with a new recommended slogan: "I did not do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." (My eye!)

- Southern state initiates the transmutation of pi from 3.14159 to a 'Biblical value' of 3.0.

- Burger King introduces a 'Left-Handed Whopper' for the numerous southpaws in our U.S. nation. (Tee-hee!)

- An eyewitness found a new squirmy genus: The hotheaded naked ice borer!

- Unique moon event causes a remote gravitational alignment; reduces the Earth's gravity.

Meyran Kraus with:
[A segment from "The Brand New Monty Python Bok"]

The Hackenthorpe Book of Lies contains over 60 million untrue facts and figures.

* Did you know that the reason why windows steam up in cold weather is because of all the fish in the atmosphere?
* Did you know that Moslems are forbidden to eat glass?
* Did you know that the oldest rock in the world is the famous Hackenthorpe Rock, in North Ealing, which is 2 trillion years old?
* Did you know that Milton was a woman?
* Did you know that from the top of the Prudential Assurance Building in Bromley you can see 8 continents?
* Did you know that the highest point in the world is only 8 foot?

THESE ARE JUST A FEW OF THE TOTALLY INACCURATE FACTS IN THE HACKENTHORPE BOOK OF LIES!

It's all in THE HACKENTHORPE BOOK OF LIES, a thorough and exhaustive source of misleading and untruthful information, compiled and edited by ex-Nobel Prizewinners Ron Hackenthorpe, Derek Hackenthorpe, Jeff "The Nozz" Hackenthorpe and Luigi V. Hackenthorpe. There are 4 handsomely bound volumes, which can be purchased individually, or in our 'Pack of Lies' gift set.

=

My Truthful Excuse

Look folks, I know I let a few of you down, but please understand, I couldn't help it! I was about to finish it, when Scarlett Johansson, an old friend of mine from school, rushed into the house and begged me for a night of hot, unnatural sex. I had to run out to buy some condoms, then recalled that my Porsche 804 is in the shop, so I phoned Kevin Bacon, which I've known since we co-directed that 'Citizen Kane' flick, and borrowed one of the 628 monster trucks he owns.

On the way to the store, though, I somehow ran over a small man, who then turned out to be the jockey scheduled to ride Secretariat's offspring in the Kentucky Derby. He broke his ankle, so I had to take his place and skillfully won by a mile, leading to a ceremony in which I was honored with a "Hero of the Hour" ribbon and a lifetime supply of kiwifruit. Unluckily, the photographers spooked the horse and it kicked me in the head, knocking out the part of my brain that contained all of the anagram and puzzle related functions.

And that is why I don't have a Long entry for April. That, and I also tripped over my penis.

Adie Pena with:
A bald old man, perhaps in his late seventies, slowly hobbled as he entered the ice cream parlor. After looking around, he wandered to the counter, then pulled himself painfully up onto a bright red stool. ~

After catching his breath, the pooped, pale troubled fellow ordered one large banana split. The lovely helpful blonde waitress named Molly asked, "Uh, crushed nuts?" "No," he replied in a monotone, "Arthritis."

Ellie Dent with:
Chirp and twitter

Dharam Khalsa with:
I walked into a neighbourhood bookstore and asked the distraught saleswoman, "Would you take me to the Self-Help section, please?"
~
The intense woman clerk shook her head 'no', adding, "Look, I would be glad to assist you, to make a sale, but it defeats the whole purpose!"

The Anagrammy Awards

APRIL 2010 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY