JULY 2010 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2010

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
Paul the Prognosticating Octopus was right! =
Spain won a historic cup struggle. Go top that!

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Macbeth by William Shakespeare =
A witch bespeaks liberal mayhem

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Monsieur Edgar Degas =
So, regard nude images.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The new Twilight Saga movie, "Eclipse" =
A teen might as well go view this epic.

Ivan Andonov with:
Joel and Ethan Coen's "The Big Lebowski" =
The Jews behind one likable goon cast

Adie Pena with:
The impressionist Pierre-Auguste Renoir =
His art emerges in Europe. Isn't it superior?

View with:
Eminem's album 'Recovery' =
My more venerable music

Tony Crafter with:
The crime novelist Miss Patricia Cornwell =
Evil-clashes-in-a-post-mortem-clinic writer!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Webster's Geographical Dictionary =
It is why great places go in ABC order

Rik Sengupta with:
Witnessed the solemn ~
Les Mis on the West End.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sandro Botticelli's famous painting 'Primavera' =
Male visitor fondling armpit/rib (no pasta sauce!)

Rik Sengupta with:
Cinema Paradiso =
Panoramic ideas.

Adie Pena with:
Cream =
A Mr. E.C.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Philip K. Dick's "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? =
Did comedic flock phrase help inspire kids to read?"

Scott Gardner with:
"Impression, Soleil Levant" =
Or "loveliness in pale mist"

Rik Sengupta with:
"On My Own", from Les Miserables =
Woman remembers loss; if only ...

Adie Pena with:
Les Miserables ‡
Aimless rebels.

Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's masterpiece: 'Water Lilies, (Nympheas)' =
I see cadmium yellow, then appreciate master's lens.

Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet, "Impression, Soleil Levant" =
One priceless Monet, valued at millions

Rik Sengupta with:
Monet is simply (or is nearly) ~
my only real impressionist.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Hamlet by William Shakespeare =
A sample: I'll ask whether I may be

Adie Pena with:
The American actress Angelina Jolie =
Join a great "SALT" chase in cinema reel.

Meyran Kraus with:
The series of Monet's 'Water Lily' drawings =
It's famed art in yellows, whites or greens.

David Bourke with:
The American singer David Lee Roth =
Eddie Van Halen's geriatric mother

Meyran Kraus with:
þ"How the Grinch Stole Christmas", a Dr. Seuss tale =
So, that rescued heart grows in his small chest!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
Gulf shoreline =
Oil's flung here.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Snooker player Alex 'Hurricane' Higgins dies =
As a sorry, hellraising king, he expired on cue.

eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
As oil paints our ~
Louisiana ports.

eq3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
BP failure not ~
unprofitable.

View with:
Russian spy ring~
's surprising? Nay!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Diego Maradona: "God wants Argentina in the final" =
Finland: "Was that an imagination or deranged ego?"

Adie Pena with:
BP's disaster =
Bad persists.

View with:
Germany crush Argentina to reach last four =
A great match! Aryans rung the score: Four-nil!!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Actress Lindsay Lohan =
Lass or lady's in the can

Rik Sengupta with:
Nostradamus merely prognosticates; ~
Octopus remonstrates Germans daily.

Adie Pena with:
Paul the Octopus was right in his prediction =
Shit! It's got a euphoric Spain in the World Cup!

Rosie Perera with:
United States Cyber Command =
Combat demands 'net security.

Adie Pena with:
Paul the Cephalopod and its predictions =
Prophetic octopus had ended it all: "Spain!"

Meyran Kraus with:
Wonderful Spain won and the Dutch lost at ~
the two-thousand and ten World Cup Finals.

Rosie Perera with:
As British Petroleum oil stops flowing into Gulf, ~
I go: "Promising, but the water's still full of poison."

Tony Crafter with:
Close the Facebook Page 'RIP Raoul Moat You Legend'! =
Cause of people outraged by homage to a killer con.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Police nab bandit who used underwear as mask =
Woman ducked alias: "Unwashed Panties Robber".

Rosie Perera with:
Outspoken gay soldier discharged from miltary =
If a cosy group asked, he told 'em: "I don't marry girls."

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Presidential scholar =
E. list: Daniel Schorr (AP).

Dharam Khalsa with:
NPR anchor dies (see article) =
Rest in peace, Daniel Schorr

Meyran Kraus with:
Obama, the president of the United States =
He is not that amused after BP, I tend to see.

Scott Gardner with:
Actress Lindsay Dee Lohan =
A hedonist earns cell days

Ellie Dent with:
I can see loss first ~
as recession lifts.

Tony Crafter with:
Lindsay Lohan goes to jail =
Joy, as hooligan installed.

Meyran Kraus with:
The audio tapes of Mel Gibson rants =
It's a startling mode of phone abuse.

David Bourke with:
Tory/LibDems coalition =
Mediocrity, it balloons!

David Bourke with:
Chelsea Clinton's wedding reception =
Contended speech? Well, no cigars in it!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Kubler-Ross model, also known as the five stages of grief:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance.

=

Five stages of BP drilling:

1. Get bad rig
2. Wreck an ocean shore
3. Engineer half-assed solutions
4. Sack one man
5. Repeat.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Top Three Religions In The World Are:
1. Christianity,
2. Islam, and
3. Hinduism
=
Similar High Opiates:
1. Written Theism,
2. Enshrined Doctrine, and
3. Holy Ritual.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Help! I just heard that movie star George Clooney will be cast in a ~
major pic about Gary Glitter! One wit has called it, 'Oh, She's Eleven'.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The seventy-year-old college professor asked his wife, "Do you feel hurt when you see me running after all the young coeds?"
~
The spouse seemed unruffled. "No, honey! It feels like how your dog eagerly hungers to follow any car he sees, yet can't drive!"

View with:
Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I am not so sure about the former.
Albert Einstein
=
There is no limits to heavens and our, your - man's brute fatuity. And, where mentioning, the first one ain't indisputable

Dharam Khalsa with:
Colton Harris-Moore, the nineteen-year-old 'Barefoot Bandit' =
Oh, no! Another foredoomed airborne instant celebrity tale.

Dharam Khalsa with:
So, what is the difference betwixt and between a Vuvuzela horn soloist and national leader of Venezuela in South America?
=
One obnoxious tune can cause an awful din that frazzles nerves, while the other is indeed an avid viewer at a football meet.

Ernesto Guiraldes with:
American Society for Neurogastroenterology, Motility, and Functional GI Disorders =

Find in Google if a steroid or soya or yogurt cures my colon ailment and enteric traits.

Ellie Dent with:
Dr. Watson to his detective friend: 'Do you see
the black sheep about in their field? I have.
The lone ONE amongst HUNDREDS!'
=
'The ratio of black to white sheep is one to three
hundred and seventeen.' said Holmes. 'I count
the legs and divide by four.'

Andrew Berhaut with:
The dramatic film "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" =
A choice subject: birth, immature old man, infant, foetus.

Rik Sengupta with:
Red, the blood of angry men!
Black, the dark of ages past!

=

Dark, the back stab of demon!
Gold, the prayer of angels!

Rik Sengupta with:
Les Miserables: Javert runs, Cosette loves, Eponine cries, Marius cries,

~

Valjean resists, sincere rebels lose to corrupt enemies. Music varies!

Rosie Perera with:
Breach in the Pentagon's Secret Internet Protocol Router Network =
Not-bright recruit leaks not-open content: center where troops are.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." William Ernest Henley =
So, I create my life, then a flimflammer hits me with "easy auto loan payment"!

David Bourke with:

The United States of America and Great Britain's "Special Relationship" =
Together in defence, both parties are capitalist, anti-Islam and Russia.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
though all her parts be not in th' usual place,
she hath yet an anagram of a good face. =
Dashing, though has not
A partner or a pal -
Hence, a beau comes to
The half-faulty gal.

2nd - Larry Brash with:
though all her parts be not in th' usual place,
she hath yet an anagram of a good face.
=
Approaching an unfortunate lady: "Oh, has great legs! Oh Hell, shame about that face!"

3rd - Adie Pena with:
An unhappy large-eared Charles has often thought about that nose of hag Camilla: ~
"Though all her parts be not in th' usual place, She hath yet an anagram of a good face."

David Bourke with:
Long nose, a piranha mouth, bagged half-eyes,
a hunch, tattoos, a cleft palate...hurrah!

Ellie Dent with:
A poet chap holds that though a fault's ugly, each
one has a noble, fair arrangement.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Half hag, he thought. Oh, nasty phantom creature,
And all along be a Picasso feature!

Adie Pena with:
Oh, a beau, a lot so P.C.,
Had a high fluency;
Shan't shatter the morale
Of a repugnant gal.

Rosie Perera with:
Ugly to behold.
Mona Lisa she's not.
Laughter at fun pageant.
Ah, heartache for a chap.

Rosie Perera with:
Appalling eyes, no balance, so aghast mother and father each thought, "Ah, our fault?"

Dharam Khalsa with:
I, a famous chap and a fool, thought her unpalatable,
yet the Archangels sang to her!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Oh, enough facial surgery
Ought to help th' catastrophe;
Bald Anna's a half-manatee!

David Bourke with:
Features ashamed?
Fat, unpleasant nag?
Oh, call Cherie Booth,
Harpoon that ugly hag!

Tony Crafter with:
Ungallant truth: Has an appearance of a lofty, slash-mouthed hag (eg; a Cherie Booth)

Adrian Hickford with:
Has a noble appearance, thought Mr Dali.
Ah! Hateful faces! That's enough! Too gnarly!

Neil Ramsay with:
A lad; a run
for thy laugh.

Not then alas,
a photograph.

(Nice legs, shame about the face)

Tony Crafter with:
AH, THE NOBLE HAG!

A thoughtful author comparing a lady's face to an elephant's arse.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Natural-born Lady Gaga fashion sense,
though the actual appeal of Thatcher.
Oh, me!

Tony Crafter with:
Though alphabetically shaped on a gal, her features match those of an orang-utan!

Rosie Perera with:
Her chap is gay.
She not, not at all.
Unnatural, a huge fat problem.
She hath cooed, "a fag!"

Ellie Dent with:
That gal has such an unphotographable, male
face... yet has enough talent for radio!

View with:
Oh, that's a so unshapely hag or a repugnant gal but that alcohol made her face fine!

Rosie Perera with:
Approach that gal, but not a laugh.
Mouth, nose, eyes, ears off -- all interchanged!
Ha, ha!!

Rosie Perera with:
Ah, that elephant can eat! A hog, her paunch full! Not gorgeous as First Lady Obama, eh?

Adie Pena with:
Laughable, foolhardy hag! That human of an ape can see that other plastic surgeon!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ah, bad fate! She has a lone gargantuan eye;
ophthalmologic counterpart half-shut!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Anyone can shuffle our alphabet,
Place hot letters at random,
Though "a hag" is "Aagh!"

David Bourke with:
Ah hear no gal's as buff,
As that Cheryl A. Cole.
No...a tough pup, man,
And a reet tight hole!

View with:
She has that gallant grace, gallant untouched oomph,
fain hopes for a hearty beau.

Rosie Perera with:
No treasure, she hath a laughable deformity: all chaos on that oppugnant hag face.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Oh rather than go glam, a beautiful countenance, the happy lass has a heart of gold.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Thus far, many thought Donne a cerebral oaf,
though she has a total angelic appeal!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Chaps, is a rampage of taunts at her tangled face healthy, honourable?
No, although...

Rosie Perera with:
Oh, that? That's Susan Boyle: angelic throat organ, pale head, ungraceful heap of ham.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
She has to bag her ugly head to feel
A catch to man in sauna through frontal appeal

Ellie Dent with:
All argued that a poor face may launch no
ship, but has she got the heart of an angel?

Tony Crafter with:
Ah, Ann!
Shall I compare thee to a dog's arse?
Thou art affable, tho' pug-ugly, 'n'
Hath acne.

Meyran Kraus with:
A gallant guy can long for a piece of art,
But man, he should hope that she has a heart!

Ellie Dent with:
Poet thought her facial shape alone or faults,
though many, had a strange balance.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
A man. A plan. A canal. A hope.
Thus haunts all the shy.
There but for the grace of God go I.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Afterthought:
Donne, that playful goose,
pens a laughable main character;
So, ha-ha!

Richard Brodie with:
Half mouth? Her nose notably half attached? Gorgeous in appearance? That's a laugh!

Dharam Khalsa with:
That gal may be a caricature;
Photoshop off enough
And, at length, she has an allure!

Andrew Berhaut with:
Ha! One chap's encouraged enough that that half foul lamb has a great personality.

David Bourke with:
That H.R.H. The Princess Anne,
Had a hell of a boat!
A-A plum-fugly enough,
To scare a goat!

Rosie Perera with:
Oh, a fatal change: A nose is on her butt, and farts come out her gullet. Happy gal. Ha, ha!

Ellie Dent with:
Oh a lass! A challenge!
An' thy pan art fraught,
But scope for me ahead
Alone, I thought.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A husband wrote the following letter to his wife and left it on the dining room table:

'To My Dearest Wife,

I know you must surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being a fifty-four-year old woman, can no longer satisfy. I am extremely satisfied with your cookery skills and your housekeeping prowess, and I value you as an unusually good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter I hope you will not misinterpret the fact that I shall be spending this evening with my more comely, eighteen-year-old secretary at the Comfort Lodge Hotel.

Please do not be too upset - I shall make sure I am back home before midnight and I shall, of course, try not to awaken you.'

When the man returned home late that night he found the following letter on the dining room table:
~
'To My Dear Husband,

Well, I've read your letter, and thanks for your honesty regarding my age. May I take this opportunity to remind you that you are fifty-four as well?

As you know, I'm a maths teacher at the local college, and I'd like to inform you that, while you're at the Comfort Lodge, I'll be at the Purple Panther Inn with Greg, one of my students, who also happens to be a bodybuilder and tennis coach. He's virile, well-endowed, tireless and, like your secretary, eighteen and single.

As a businessman with an excellent knowledge of maths, you'll understand that we're both kind of in the same situation, although with one vast difference; eighteen goes into fifty-four a lot more times than fifty-four goes into eighteen. Therefore I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.'

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
A lawyer, a doctor and a mathematician were discussing
the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.

The lawyer said: 'A mistress is better. If you have a
wife and want a divorce, it can cause all sorts of legal
problems.'

The doctor said: 'I think it is better to have a wife
because the sense of security lowers your stress and is
good for your health.'

=

The mathematician said: 'If we're to accept latest
available statistical research, we find the general
verdict is it is safer, so best, to have BOTH a wife
AND lover. Action does reduce stress after all!

So, if your wife reasons you're going abroad with a
mistress, whoever,and said mistress thinks you are
regularly with your wife...YOU can do some maths!'

3rd - Adie Pena with:
All Of The Top Ten Active Forum Personnel*
1. A lexicon-loving lass Rosie
2. A splendid jewel Dharam
3. A fledgeling Adie Pena
4. A fine old Brit dad Tony Crafter
5. An engaging View
6. A boozing sot David Bourke
7. An apt, exceptional Meyran Kraus
8. A fun fellow Chris Sturdy
9. A selfless Larry Brash
10. A pleasant M. Mesterton-Gibbons
=
Ten Alternative Uses for a World Cup Vuvuzela**
by Mad Dog and Glory
1. Flowerpot
2. Fake leg for a Long John Silver Fancy Dress Party
3. Spare Table Leg
4. Baseball Bat
5. Drinking Implement
6. An Old Fashioned Hearing Aid
7. An Extra Arm Extension
8. Telescope
9. Blow Dart for use in Political Assassinations
10. Deafening Machine

Adie Pena with:
Octopus's Garden

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Apocalypse Now"
"Do the Right Thing"
"Touch of Evil"
"Angel Heart"
"Cool Hand Luke"
"Body Heat"
"In the Heat of the Night"
"The Element of Crime"
"Crimson Tide"
"Dog Day Afternoon"
=
The top ten films highlighting a theme of heavy bodily sweat, yet not counting the horror phenomenon, the aged Alfred Hitchcock, a foe to all audience deodorant!

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Octopus's Garden

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
12 Haikus For 12 Months

3rd - Adie Pena with:
July - Hilaire Belloc

Tony Crafter with:
A man was driving through the backwoods of Montana when he saw a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rang the bell and the owner appeared and told him that the dog was in the backyard.

The guy went into the backyard and saw a very nice looking Labrador sitting there.

"You talk?" he asked.

"Yep," the Lab replied.

After the guy had recovered from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he enquired, "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looked up and replied, "Well, my name is Rex. I discovered that I could talk way back when I was very young. I wanted to help the government, so I phoned the CIA and spoke to them... In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and even big world leaders, because no one imagined that a common dog would actually be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years. But the jetting around really exhausted me, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a big batch of medals. Then I met a Lab bitch, got married and had a mess of puppies. Now I'm just retired."

The man was amazed. He went back to the house and asked the owner how much he wanted for Rex.

"Ten dollars," the guy said.

"Huh? Ten dollars? But that dog is amazing, man! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of those things."

=

A man went out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Ron!"

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Ron Todd. He's a guy who did everything right all the time, like coming along just when you wanted a cab. Surprising things like that happened to Ron Todd every time."

Passenger: "But there's the odd rain-cloud over us all."

Cabbie: "Not Ron Todd. And he was a terrific athlete. Ron could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could play golf with the pros. He sang like an opera tenor and danced like a Broadway superstar and, oh, you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Yes, it sounds as if Ron Todd was really special."

Cabbie: "And that's not all. Ron had a mind like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. Ron knew all about wine, and understood what food to order and which fork to eat it with. And he could fix anything. If I change a fuse, the entire street blacks out. But Ron could do everything right."

Passenger: "Some guy!"

Cabbie: "Ron always knew the quickest way to go to dodge traffic jams. Not like me, I always get stuck in them. Ron Todd never made mistakes, not one. And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He'd never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always stylish, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made mistakes. No one measured up to dear old Ron Todd."

Passenger: "An amazing guy. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Ron. He died. I'm married to his f****g widow."

Dharam Khalsa with:
Bad to Good Poem

Dharam Khalsa with:
Octopus's Garden

Tony Crafter with:
Octopus's Garden

Richard Brodie with:
Sonnet 108

Christopher Sturdy with:
Reader, the artful verse below has stored a cryptic message concealed within.
=
A cipher, rich of secret;
turn its code
As new art gets revealed,
all maybe showed?

Meyran Kraus with:
We Didn't Start the Fire

The Anagrammy Awards

JULY 2010 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY