Complete list of nominations for August, 2012

AUGUST 2012 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2012

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The late Neil Armstrong =
Among the interstellar.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Prince Harry in nude frolics at Las Vegas hotel =
Royal rear is uncovered at length in flash-pics!

3rd - nedesto with:
ADA stripped Lance Armstrong of his titles =
Doping taints this all-famed sports career.

Don P Fortier with:
Obama versus Romney =
Me embarrass you Nov.

Paul Lusch with:
Nineteenth Olympic medal =
Michael mentioned plenty

Scott Gardner with:
Live sports ‡
TV spoilers

Christopher Sturdy with:
Gold, silver, bronze medals =
dozens smiled all over GBR

Christopher Sturdy with:
And I'm well good at [insert sporting event here] ~
to win a [insert sporting event here] gold medal!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
USA bag gold by ~
Gabby Douglas.

Shane with:
Chick-fil-a's CEO Samuel Truett Cathy =
A customer chuckles at the facility.

View with:
The battles for Damascus, Aleppo =
Threatful Assad combats people

nedesto with:
Andrew Murray wins the tennis gold medal for Britain =
Man hardly strains routing Federer at Wimbledon win.

Rosie Perera with:
Texas executes murderer with IQ of 61 =
Quite extreme. 16 watched (six for sure).

Rosie Perera with:
Mitt Romney's tax shelter =
Not extremely smart, this.

Rosie Perera with:
Google's Android trounces Apple in market share =
So, meant iPhone upgrade orders are lacking...lots!

Ellie Dent with:
Faster than a speeding bullet! =
Usain ran: led the best ... left gap!

Scott Gardner with:
USA gold medalist Ashton Eaton =
He is a stout lad at London Games

Dharam Khalsa with:
Federal Income Tax returns ~
are lax, unscreened for Mitt.

View with:
Intervention in Syria =
Rein in overt insanity!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Romney-Ryan: America’s Comeback Team =
Men in race: A mockery, at Obama's mercy!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan =
An imputed moral tyranny

Meyran Kraus with:
The VP candidate Ryan ~
advanced in the Party.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Romney-Ryan: Bad-bad choice for Americans =
Obama-Biden: Carry on afresh in democracy,

View with:
Usain Bolt golden again in relay, in world record time =
Great, cool runner owns medal, riding on ideal ability.

Rosie Perera with:
Obama-Biden vs. Romney-Ryan =
Many ads on air by November.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Romney + Ryan =
Money® + Ayn®

Ivan Andonov with:
Olympic five and ten thousand meter races =
Mo Farah's nice tiny adventure's completed!

View with:
The rover Curiosity =
Very historic route.

Meyran Kraus with:
The closing ceremony of the London Games =
Cool songs, then the flame dying once more.

Paul Lusch with:
Three hundred twenty million dollars =
One muddled lottery winner has thrill!

Rosie Perera with:
Hillary Clinton Does Not Sweat =
"Listen! I was nearly cold, not hot."

Rosie Perera with:
Good cell phone companies avoid "conflict minerals" =
Pah! I moved to dispel all concerns of malice in Congo.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Governor Mitt Romney has a blind trust =
Right, and nominal trust by voters or me!

View with:
Asylum for Assange =
No alarms, guy's safe.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Russian punk band Pussy Riot =
Putin set has dank prison bury us

Rosie Perera with:
Romney's tax rate =
Or extra amnesty?

Ivan Andonov with:
Skinhead =
End a Sikh.

Adie Pena with:
The Republican Party mates =
Mitt's cheaper bet: Paul Ryan.

Rosie Perera with:
The Siege of Aleppo =
O, see a people fight.

Rosie Perera with:
House Republicans skinny dip in Sea of Galilee =
Hey, asses of GOP nude in public in lake in Israel.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Akin's "legitimate rape" comment =
A pig-man term - election mistake!

View with:
The tropical storm Isaac =
Some catastrophic trial

Rosie Perera with:
Mitt Romney mistakenly pronounced dead after [1968] crash =
Ah, ask my mortuary and confirm: Not elected president!

Rosie Perera with:
Prince Harry photos: naked in Vegas =
Hands over his racy part; no peeking!

Shane with:
Lance Edward Armstrong =
Law granted man's record?

Meyran Kraus with:
The US astronaut Neil A. Armstrong =
NASA mourning that lost treasure.

Ellie Dent with:
The late astronaut Neil Alden Armstrong =
See that lunar landing ... one mortal at rest.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A massive disruption scheduled to hit Tampa, Florida =
It's mad! The unimpeded arrival of Isaac should stop it.

Rosie Perera with:
Neil A. Armstrong, first man to walk on moon, dies =
So, small tremor for nation; mankind's giant woe.

Yvonne with:
The astronaut Neil Armstrong =
Stunning hero at a mortal rest.

Harshal M. with:
The late astronauts Neil Armstrong and Sally Ride =
I sadly see tall man and girl on a return to the stars.

Christopher Sturdy with:
One fact all news had: Death of Neil Armstrong =
The world has lost an officer and a gentleman.
Scott Gardner with:
The American women's eight =
See them at rowing machine

Scott Gardner with:
Gold medal winner, British athlete Mohamed Farah =
Had held England home after wartime Somali birth

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The twelve months in a year:

January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
=
New Year
Love theme
Spring fever
Berry jam
My birthday
Summer tan
Barbecue
A jaunt
School
Autumn
Celebrate
Pure joy

2nd - nedesto with:
The winning bidder told the auctioneer, "Sir, as I paid a big fortune for this budgie, he better talk as well as you say."=
"That fine little bird? Sure, it's a fearless gabber!" replied the auctioneer. "Who do you think was bidding against you?"

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The nervous chap faced the boss: "My wife has told me to ask for a rise."

"Right," replied the boss, "I'll ask my wife if you can have one."
=
Office boss to a feckless late-arriver: "Miss Markes you should've been in this office at eight a.m.!"

"Oh lordy! Why, what happened?"

Adie Pena with:
A final fact-based epic picture: Our top three big nations in medals are ~
People's Republic of China, United States of America and Great Britain.

naturegirl with:
NBC didn't like Ann Curry's shoes, colorful flair, her facile drapes, gorgeous heels, international swag.
=
NBC said her alien clogs and soulful grey hair sucked! Lesson: their corporate ratings in freefall now.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The past, the present, and the future walked into the U.S. city bar one day.
~
The flippant bartender astounded us with the attack, "Hey, you're tense!!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sarah Palin on Mitt Romney-Paul Ryan Ticket: "We must now look to this new team" =
"Not especially important woman, without wealth, makes nutty remarks" - Onion(?)

Tony Crafter with:
Victoria Pendleton may take part in 'Strictly Come Dancing' =
To 'eminent Olympic track cyclist', I add, 'naive tango partner'.

Christopher Sturdy with:
No one heard the one about the drunk lady anagrammatist who ~
had her hooters out, then met a young man and walked into a bra...?

Ellie Dent with:
A Welsh guy, Owen, walks into the local pub, Rover's Return, and stares,
somewhat surprised, at the horse behind the bar.
=
'What's the problem? Never seen a horse across a bar?'
'Whoa! Sure,' answers the guy, 'but I didn't think the parrot would sell.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Peromyscus Maniculatus (a rodent of North America) =
It's a common deer mouse, Hanta carrier, fun plush cat toy!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Rally driving duo walk away after unbelievable crash=
Ah, freak drivin' runaway saved by a well-built roll cage.

Shane with:
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost =
Another urged unnerving way for emotive troubled prisoners to see it: Life's a bitch!

David Bourke with:
The main three contenders for the 'BBC Sports Personality of the Year' award =
Farah? Hoy? Presented to in-form sweethearted Ennis...that's probably correct.

Maurice Goddard with:
Prince Philip walks out of hospital after treatment for bladder infection
=
Feet not off balance, eh? Saunterer did it with no fall, trip, limp, prop or a stick!!

Maurice Goddard with:
Obesity 'bad for brain' by hastening cognitive decline =
Consider very big fact: Being bloated inhibits anyone!!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it" [John Steinbeck from "Travels With Charley"]
=
Life: that journey in which we "blink" or ignore its early lessons, attract joy or heartbreak, thinking we may come out victor.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Queen Elizabeth II wears a hoodie while driving a Range Rover =
I realize hair-do's aging; however, I wanted queenlier behavior!

Meyran Kraus with:
The Top Six in the final London Olympics tally:

- The US
- China
- Great Britain
- The Russian Federation
- Korea
- Germany
=
And as a curiosity, the young international heroes dominating the year are:

- Phelps
- Franklin
- Schmitt
- Bolt
- Felix

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Case of the Bigamous Spouse by Erle Stanley Gardner =
Cheating of a hubby: Della Street sees Perry Mason go sue

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"Good girls go to Heaven. Bad girls go everywhere." - the late Helen Gurley Brown, international editor of Cosmopolitan.
="Retain*a*tone:
That*rosy*giggle...
Not*edgy*banter,
Then*a*wiggle!"

"No,*be*no*fool!
Lord*-*I*implore!
Heroic*lovers
Valued*whores!"

2nd - nedesto with:
"Good girls go to Heaven. Bad girls go everywhere." - the late Helen Gurley Brown, international editor of Cosmopolitan.
=
Enrobing gals with her cool nerve,
A top 'girlie' wrote a line;
Yet lonely gals ought to observe:
Hard men are good to find!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
"Good girls go to Heaven. Bad girls go everywhere." - the late Helen Gurley Brown, international editor of Cosmopolitan.
=
"To be powerful - get laid, grab all, regret nothing."

(Trendy 'Having It All' heroine voices a go-doer's theory on loose women).

Meyran Kraus with:
A lovely oral saying, but I wager the cool renegade delivering it got no wings or honored halo from the noble St. Peter...

Christopher Sturdy with:
One gorgeous bird in a thong with a booty to ogle and loose morals will get in a party over her clever gentle friend, eh?

Larry Brash with:
A very notorious legendary girl, long convert against taboo, well before her time, we are hoping she did not go to Hell.

Dharam Khalsa with:
My ideology:
Though global travel is one reported role for a wanton swinger,
I'd love to be the other--an angelic singer!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Girls who'd lease one vagina well are never on hire to a brothel, but rather gold digging to enter monopoly of society

Rosie Perera with:
Why get among evil girls? They urinate all over: in pool, on older brother, indoors, on one's baggage, et cetera. Few hold it.

Larry Brash with:
She was a notable wit or oratory legend over her lifetime, thoroughly driven on to engage on global gender politics.

Ellie Dent with:
Writer pioneered generations. Long for money, love, thrills, laughter? Oh, we *can* 'have it all.' Go on, get it! Or be a dogsbody ...

Dharam Khalsa with:
Cool gals in hosiery gravitate toward powerful globe-trotters, on into hell;
Honey, I love gingerbread men...head gone!

naturegirl with:
Eve's To Do list:
Loll in hotel wearing aggravatingly baggy ochre wool net.
Reinterpret "heroine".
Hound, boo, foe.
Read Ms..

Dharam Khalsa with:
Opinion (not run online): Let every L'Oréal gal show what the good Lord gave her, before it's sagging or relocated by time!

View with:
Her ideology: 'Home is better'. I agree - nothing wrong.
Better to recall a lovely old period song too: 'Girls... Wanna Have Fun'.

Adie Pena with:
"In love, all irreverent boys manage to get a nice worldier doll with large tits. A poor good boy gets no one." - Hugh Hefner

Shane with:
I go to the overdeveloped girl who always gets into better club floors, marooning an already longing heroine there!

Dharam Khalsa with:
‡ "A rare gifted woman reveals inner beauty to the world, not her long legs, or love libido, or photogenic angles." - The Yogi

Dharam Khalsa with:
Incorrigible gals grovel to get ahead, while honourable feminine ones won't grovel to get ahead? Rot!! Sorry, plenty do!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Title "Nice Girls Do" - Glee over what we all do in ardor, even in a holy home, but groan to giggles (or both) for a nosy preteen!

Richard Brodie with:
A worthy, moral, governable one, she earned deified glory. Total wanton bitches reveling in group orgies to go to Hell.

Maurice Goddard with:
A halo glow to old-time lore,
Chastity belt's for one virgin pure!
Hail a grin on to get sore,
Never one bandy-legged whore!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Beauty's in the eye of the beerholder.
Swigs a pint or ten to color love in glamor; all gone wrong overnight - I'd a real dog!

Maurice Goddard with:
Victorian prig dames long ago,
Never wore see-through lingerie!
Now, near on all hot dolls do,
Boy! Feel a titty throb! Gee!!!

David Bourke with:
A degenerate naughty trollop often revels, ordering more alcohol. A retiring goody two-shoes will be into behaving.

Ellie Dent with:
I do agree - I can believe it. One early proverb notoriously noted when gals go wrong, lads go right on after
them ... to hell.

Dharam with:
Lithe thin gals tend to be glorified in every Cosmo, but large overweight gals are not honored. Apology, or no renewal!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:

SOME REASONS WHY MEN ARE HAPPIER

Men can (and do) play with toys all their life.

Men - damn them - can wear shorts, no matter what their legs look like in them.

Men have just one wallet and one paltry pair of shoes which are good for every occasion.

Men can choose whether or not to grow a moustache.

Men can 'do' their fingernails with a pocket knife.

Men's bellies usually hide their large hips.

Chocolate is just another snack.

The whole garage belongs to them.

Weddings take care of themselves.

Men's last name never changes.

Everything on a man's face stays its original colour.

Men only have to shave their faces and necks.

=

Also, if a gentleman has grey hairs, or wrinkles show, it somehow merely adds character.

Men, unlike women, can keep the same hairstyle for ages, decades even.

Men can complete their Christmas shopping for mates, relatives, whoever - on Christmas Eve - in all of half-an-hour.

Men can go on a week's vacation, or jolly hitchhiking holiday, and pack the one suitcase.

A male's neat new shoes or boots don't then generally cause heartache, toe blisters, or cut or mangle his feet.

Men don't have to stop and think which way to turn a screw.

Men, engagingly, have the one mood all the time.

Men can open their own jars effortlessly.

Sigh...

2nd - nedesto with:
10 Things Not To Say During Childbirth

1. You know, looking at her you'd never guess that Demi Moore had a baby!
2. I just wish that men could experience the miracle of childbirth.
3. Can you pop that sucker out before Sunday Night Football starts?
4. You think that hurts? Let me tell you how I smashed my finger playing hockey...
5. Did you have anything planned for dinner?
6. When you lie on your back there, you look just like a python that swallowed a boar.
7. This kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy.
8. Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?
9. Remember what we learned in Lamaze class: HEE HEE HOO HOO. You just aren't using the right words!
10. Go ahead, Lady, you don’t have the guts to pull that trigger.
=

10 Things Not To Say To A Policeman

1. Hell, you must've been doing a hundred and twenty to catch up with me. Good job!
2. Hi! Do you know why you pulled me over? OK, just so one of us does.
3. Which hick numbskull are you? Andy or Barney?
4. Huh. I thought that cops had to be in good condition.
5. Silly me; I hadn't realized that my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
6. Kiss my ass, you mindless blithering idiot. I pay your salary!
7. Hello! You must be the burly helmeted bisexual dude from the Village People!
8. The last cop gave me a warning, too!
9. Hello, Officer... You're not gonna check the trunk for hashish, right?
10. I was just trying to keep up with traffic... I know there's no other cars around here; that's how far ahead they are!

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Products lost in translation:
1. The iconic car, the Ford "Pinto".
2. "Jattebra", the name of the Ikea flower pot.
3. Ikea's "Redalen" bed - named after the Norwegian town.
4. Ikea (again): the "Gutvik" child-sized bunk beds.
5. KFC's slogan: "Finger-lickin' good".
6. Coors' sexy slogan: "Turn it loose".
7. Pepsi's ongoing slogan: "Come alive with Pepsi".
8. "Puffs" brand of facial tissues.
9. "Coca-Cola", the well-known household product.
10. While the great "Got Milk?" campaign may have inspired Americans
to buy more dairy products, it didn't work out as well south of the border in Mexico.
=
1. Slang put-down in Brazil for compact "male genital parts".
2. Thai slang for "sex".
3. Thai word indicative of "getting to third base".
4. Sounded too much like a "good f*ck" in German.
5. To timid shocked people in China, it sounded like, "We'll eat your fingers off." Not a picnic food!
6. Spanish slang for "loose bowels".
7. A pitch rejected by China's skeptics, it would "bring your ancestors back from the grave".
8. Known German term for "whorehouse".
9. In Chinese, a term a lot like "to bite the wax tadpole".
10. Spanish speakers would vouch, it sounded like "Are you lactating?"

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Just" the Top Twelve Anagrammy Rankings:
1. Meyran Kraus
2. Tony Crafter
3. Adie Pena
4. Dharam Khalsa
5. Nedesto
6. Larry Brash
7. Chris Sturdy
8. David Bourke
9. Ellie Dent and Scott Gardner
11. Rosie Perera
12. Rick Rothstein
=
1. Arty Rediscovery Sleuth
2. Star and Mod
3. Ad Art Arranger
4. Graveyard Shift
5. Rather New Lad
6. Star Shrink
7. Mod
8. Another Mod
9. Tiebreaker?
11. Technical Support
12. Kinky Tyke - "Please, no rude anagrams in subject lines!"

Tony Crafter with:
THE TOP TEN BIZARRE THINGS YOU CAN BUY ON AMAZON (True!)

10. Wolf Urine.
9. Stop Eating Poop.
8. Gay Attraction Body Mist.
7. Dr John's Famous Pee Pee.
6. A Tank.
5. Liquid Ass Fart Spray.
4. UFO Detector.
3. Roswell Soil Sample.
2. Deer's Butt.
1. Uranium Ore.

=

10. Deters rabid animals.
9. Stop your pooch eating its own poo!
8. Man to man perfume.
7. Synthesize your pee to pass any urine
test!
6. Room for soldiers plus a bazooka!
5. Quite putrid.
4. ET alert!
3. Fancy dirt.
2. Bugger that!
1. An unlawful object.

naturegirl with:
"While Psyche sleeps, Cupid lifts her through the air." In this Ovidian sentence, the temporal clause gives the ongoing (midday, transitionary) circumstances of aforesaid (theft, love, longing?) action-by-regent.
=
Earlier, she'd been out campaigning against illicit and fugitive plots. A cosy tunic shows her stomach is full. Foppish and feisty, the secretive yet coherent demi-god ongoingly enters via the northern arch.

Dharam Khalsa with:
HEALTH WARNING TO US ALL:
"Don't wash your hair in the shower."
It's great to finally get a health warning that is helpful!!
It involves the shampoo running down your body when you shower with it.
I don't know WHY I didn't figure that out sooner!
When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down the entire length of my body.
Now that I look at the shampoo label, I see printed very clearly on it:
"For extra body and volume."
~
Oh, no wonder I'm gaining all the unhealthy pounds!
But now I have thrown out that shampoo, and the next time I wash my hair
I'll try that handy Ultra-Dawn brand dish soap.
You know why? If the label tells the truth:
"Guaranteed to dissolve greasy fat that is otherwise difficult to remove",
then it's worth every penny! Woo-hoo!!
Anyhow, if I unhook or ignore my phone, don't worry--
I'll be lingering in a slow shower!

Shane with:
Mason went into the Best Buy in search of new speakers for his radio. After a few seconds struggling with all the different types, a good employee came up to help. "Good day sir, may I assist you?" the techie asked. "Ah, yes," Mason said "I'm looking for something that has a great and vivid sound quality at a fair price." "Ahh, I understand friend." the nerd replied. "Personally," he added with a wag " I have a last bit of advice. I think the larger ones easily have a better sound." "Huh, so i assume those are much better and sell more often, right?" Mason said as a test. "Well, not necessarily." the young man said. "But it is one of our more commonly held stereo types."=
A poor meek illegal by the common name of Manny entered the teeniest bar right across the border. He came in and asked the bartender for a hookup with a victory Scotch. The southern bartender, Oates, snooping, asked him promptly "Hi! So, why all the enthusiasm?" "I made it across! I have freedom!" Manny said in fair English. "Oh, 'grats I guess." Oates responded. "Yes," Manny said quietly " I do feel a little guilty though." "Really?" Oates said surprised and offset. "Yes, I suppose I am. I was a tad fearful even." he said as if he downed the glass. "Strange, I thought you wouldn't have cared!" Oates said. "Well at first I was on the fence," Ol' Manny said "but I got over it!"

naturegirl with:
Board this serviceable, icy freight, (circa 470) and hey! bring your own pillow, toast, and clock!! On this river-of-denial junket, cruise the shimmery jetty channel, eat warm fillet of wolf, bivouac midst igloos, mimic a loon (can outlast author)! Upon landing
~
you can enjoy beautiful walking trails, watch the odd ice-berg melt in the Davis Strait, or climb a rock (alone), or simply enjoy the staid community of 470 inborn Inuits who call this wonderful safe upland village of roving arctic raccoons their home.

Adie Pena with:
Top Ten World’s Richest Persons
1. Carlos Slim Helu
2. William Gates III
3. Warren Buffett
4. Bernard Arnault
5. Amancio Ortega
6. Larry Ellison
7. Eike Batista
8. Stefan Persson
9. Li Ka-shing
10. Karl Albrecht
=
1. Telecoms network
2. Microsoft firm
3. Berkshire Hathaway
4. Bag retailer; Bulgari
5. Nice flannel skirts, hit linen pants
6. Oracle billions
7. Natural gas
8. Apparel stores
9. Watson's
10. Aldi Sud retailer

Dharam Khalsa with:
A famous juggler was driving on the way to his next performance in Las Vegas and was stopped by a policeman. The officer thundered, "Slow down, maniac! And what are all those knives doing on the floor of your car?!"

The juggler protested, "Trust me--I use these in my work. I'm the star of a death-defying Las Vegas act."

"Oh, really?!" The policeman shouted with authority, "Let me see you do it!"

So, our talented performer stood outside his car on the road, tossing and juggling all his knives in the air. He survived, unharmed and triumphant.

A fascinated tourist driving by was astounded by what he saw out a car window and noted to his wife, "Lord, Dolores, am I glad I haven't been drinking! Look at the new sobriety test they're making us do!"

=

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem. I just observed your safe driving and am going to award you a six-thousand-dollar Safe Driver Award. Congratulations! What do you think you are going to do with the money?"

He thought for just a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get a drivers' license."

The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him--he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."

The passenger in the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get very far in this stolen car!"

Just at that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

Maurice Goddard with:
1. Monday
2. Tuesday
3. Wednesday
4. Thursday
5. Friday
6. Saturday
7. Sunday

Seven days in a week in the life of a tired old office working man:
=
1. Cruel nine-to-five-day!
2. An often-yawn-day
3. Desk-is-torture-day
4. New off-day
5. Washed-out-day
6. Remedial-drink-day
7. Fine shag-missus-day!

Mey K. with:
In a shrewd effort to comment on the clinically awful state of affairs in Texas and in American politics in general, Texas Rep. Tom Moore Jr. once sponsored a resolution in the Texas House of Representatives to commend a certain valiant individual named Albert DeSalvo for his dedicated and enduring service to his community. It described this Albert with the words:

"This compassionate gentleman's dedication and devotion to his work has enabled the weak and the lonely throughout the nation to achieve and maintain a new degree of concern for their future. He has been officially recognized by the state of Massachusetts for his noted activities and unconventional techniques involving population control and applied psychology."

Texas passed the resolution unanimously. Albert DeSalvo was the Boston Strangler.

=

On a related note, there was also a great petition in wide circulation that involved the evils of that abject new chemical known as DiHydrogen MonOxide (or DHMO). The emotive text discusses the hazards of DHMO, then notes that it:

* Is also called "hydroxyl acid", the main component of acid rain.
* Can occasionally cause severe burns.
* Can be fatal if inhaled.
* Often quickens the erosion of many sites.
* Has been found in every tumor of terminal cancer patients.

It also conveys that despite all of the above, DHMO is nevertheless used:

* As an industrial solvent and coolant.
* In several nuclear power plants.
* As a fire retardant.
* In the distribution of local pesticides.
* In a staggering number of food products.

Most people would sign the petition in an instant without even reading it through. Dihydrogen monoxide is an obscure name for water.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:[As a tribute to the London Olympics that started in July, Amy Levy's poem 'London in July' is anagrammed into 5 poems about 5 of the most decorated Olympic athletes of all time, each from a different sport and continent (and as a point of interest, each poem also uses a different animal metaphor).
As an extra twist, The anagrams also contain a visual Olympic tribute, detailed below.]

London in July by Amy Levy

What ails my senses thus to cheat?
What is it ails the place,
That all the people in the street
Should wear one woman's face?

The London trees are dusty-brown
Beneath the summer sky;
My love, she dwells in London town,
Nor leaves it in July.

O various and intricate maze,
Wide waste of square and street;
Where, missing through unnumbered days,
We twain at last may meet!

And who cries out on crowd and mart?
Who prates of stream and sea?
The summer in the city's heart -
That is enough for me.

=

Australia: Swimmer Ian Thorpe

What winning strokes and awesome thrusts!
The crowd that gazes at the pool
Enjoys your flawless moves, I trust:
Olympic myths are valid jewels.
Dynamic rhythm, now enhanced
By smoothly-running aqua-limbs,
May hand you one insane advance:
Today, you'd rule the wildest swims.
We tend to hear old fantasies
Of 'dolphin men' that seem untrue,
Of men that tour the Seven Seas,
Or tried to tame the ocean-blue -
But when we see this water trail,
We learn these are not children's tales.

=

Europe: Beam champion Nadia Comaneci

That lucent wonder, quick and small,
She'd stun the world at just fourteen
And show us all in Montreal
The most mature routine we've seen.
With twirls and cartwheels done with ease,
That sunny gymnast came to win;
Alert, yet airy as a breeze,
She may be truly blessed within.
The joy of her young art invites
A drowsy memory most fond,
With shiny, yellow summer light
And swans that are in love on ponds:
The sweetest one that floated there
Had poise as marvelous as hers.

=

America: Runner Carl Lewis

No man will thwart the Jaguar's will
Whenever he devotes that might
To win the prey by sitting still,
Quite soundly, ready for that bite.
Those sweaty arms may not seem sound,
Those steady jaws may not seem mean;
The aches may bud, yet he is bound
To sit here anyway, unseen.
The mind's so razor-sharp and deep
That when those moments come at last,
Our virile cat would make that leap
No soul would flee, however fast...
And when their race is run and done,
All 'winners' must consist of one.

=

Africa: Marathoner Haile Gebrselassie

He'd run upwind just after dawn
Across green miles to come to class -
It's how he would attain the brawn,
But never ever too much mass.
So now, the solid swifter man
Remains quite sinewy, yet lean;
That wiz - as only his type can -
Breathes smoothly, totally serene.
He'd wend his way and play it smart,
And, on one mostly steady trend,
That runner who stays young at heart
Would have momentum in the end:
Just like wild antelopes must roam,
He'd view the course, then feel at home.

=

Asia: Diver Guo Jingjing

Our mannered woman won the prize
With water stunts quite smooth and clear
That multiplied before my eyes -
The most unreal display that year.
She'd match one osprey's levity,
As someone that surveys the sky:
That shrewd and scrawny entity
That I can seldom see fly by;
When Autumn's sun would wane near me -
That warm scene in those mellow tones -
One bird would fall into the sea
To snare some wealth of trouts, alone...
But medals are her wealth instead -
With China's crimson overhead.
=

These poems also employ different colors to depict each athlete. This is no coincidence: When these colors are applied to the Y's in each poem in a monospaced font, 5 strategically-placed rings appear:

Australia: Swimmer Ian Thorpe

What winning strokes and awesome thrusts!
The crowd that gazes at the pool
Enjoys your flawless moves, I trust:
Olympic myths are valid jewels.
Dynamic rhythm, now enhanced
By smoothly-running aqua-limbs,
May hand you one insane advance:
Today, you'd rule the wildest swims.
We tend to hear old fantasies
Of 'dolphin men' that seem untrue,
Of men that tour the Seven Seas,
Or tried to tame the ocean-blue -
But when we see this water trail,
We learn these are not children's tales.

=

Europe: Beam champion Nadia Comaneci

That lucent wonder, quick and small,
She'd stun the world at just fourteen
And show us all in Montreal
The most mature routine we've seen.
With twirls and cartwheels done with ease,
That sunny gymnast came to win;
Alert, yet airy as a breeze,
She may be truly blessed within.
The joy of her young art invites
A drowsy memory most fond,
With shiny, yellow summer light
And swans that are in love on ponds:
The sweetest one that floated there
Had poise as marvelous as hers.

=

America: Runner Carl Lewis

No man will thwart the Jaguar's will
Whenever he devotes that might
To win the prey by sitting still,
Quite soundly, ready for that bite.
Those sweaty arms may not seem sound,
Those steady jaws may not seem mean;
The aches may bud, yet he is bound
To sit here anyway, unseen.
The mind's so razor-sharp and deep
That when those moments come at last,
Our virile cat would make that leap
No soul would flee, however fast...
And when their race is run and done,
All 'winners' must consist of one.

=

Africa: Marathoner Haile Gebrselassie

He'd run upwind just after dawn
Across green miles to come to class -
It's how he would attain the brawn,
But never ever too much mass.
So now, the solid swifter man
Remains quite sinewy, yet lean;
That wiz - as only his type can -
Breathes smoothly, totally serene.
He'd wend his way and play it smart,
And, on one mostly steady trend,
That runner who stays young at heart
Would have momentum in the end:
Just like wild antelopes must roam,
He'd view the course, then feel at home.

=

Asia: Diver Guo Jingjing

Our mannered woman won the prize
With water stunts quite smooth and clear
That multiplied before my eyes -
The most unreal display that year.
She'd match one osprey's levity,
As someone that surveys the sky:
That shrewd and scrawny entity
That I can seldom see fly by;
When Autumn's sun would wane near me -
That warm scene in those mellow tones -
One bird would fall into the sea
To snare some wealth of trouts, alone...
But medals are her wealth instead -
With China's crimson overhead.

And when the poems are superimposed, they form this:

2nd - nedesto with:
[This crossword celebrates an important international event and includes nine thematic entries highlighted in blue.
The letters in the completed crossword grid are an anagram of both the "ACROSS" and "DOWN" clues which are anagrams of each other.]

ACROSS
1. Once-big union
3. Torrential cloudburst
7. Sir
12. Is woeful (3,2,4)
13. Pool's Michael
15. Seizure ill due to thiamine poverty
16. Corps
19. Either
20. Bold act
21. Blame
23. People's games shone! (3,6,8)
26. Regardless (2,5,2)
28. Beef
30. ___/DC
32. Copper-tin alloy
33. Privy; loo
35. Tinman's need
36. Oscar ___
39. Ph.D.
40. Ripped
41. JAM's Usain

DOWN
1. We
2. Argent
4. Broad topic (4,5)
5. Rumor (9,2,6)
6. From
8. Bliss
9. Cruelty
10. Lustrous metal
11. Opposite of aromatic
14. Impression
17. Hole in nose
18. Nubile-bodied blond high jumper Ennis
22. Lazily
24. Eastern
25. Did hover
27. Decanter; cup
29. All ___ !
31. Phony
34. Top-place disc
37. Pa's gal
38. I love Reese's Pieces

=

3rd - Adie Pena with:
[James McIntyre's poem ODE ON THE MAMMOTH CHEESE is anagrammed into another poem about Kunik Cheese, a semi-aged, triple cream wheel cheese made from 25% Jersey cow cream and 75% goat's milk produced at Nettle Meadow Goat Farm in Thurman, New York. The anagram contains the acrostic U.S. NATIONAL GOAT CHEESE MONTH which is being celebrated this August in the United States of America.]

ODE ON THE MAMMOTH CHEESE
James McIntyre

We have seen the Queen of cheese,
Laying quietly at your ease,
Gently fanned by evening breeze --
Thy fair form no flies dare seize.

All gaily dressed soon you'll go
To the great Provincial Show,
To be admired by many a beau
In the city of Toronto.

Cows numerous as a swarm of bees --
Or as the leaves upon the trees --
It did require to make thee please,
And stand unrivalled Queen of Cheese.

May you not receive a scar as
We have heard that Mr. Harris
Intends to send you off as far as
The great World's show at Paris.

Of the youth -- beware of these --
For some of them might rudely squeeze
And bite your cheek; then songs or glees
We could not sing o' Queen of Cheese.

We'rt thou suspended from baloon,
You'd cast a shade, even at noon;
Folks would think it was the moon
About to fall and crush them soon.

=
UPSTATE, NORTHEAST OF NEW YORK

See the farmhouse, oh, in Thurman
Now demanded by many a fan.
Ambrosia for any foolhardy man;
The farmyard where it all began.

I discovered real Kunik Cheese
Of no equal, as everyone agrees.
Nibbling on endless quantities
As I quaff some good wine, please.

Let's do hop over to Nettle Meadow,
Get all your welcome friends to go
Over to where the goats grow
And tell the chichi foodies so!

To go consummate one god's request,
Cheese at its, oh, very toothful best!
Here one ends the absolute quest;
Eat an enormous wheel with zest.

Ecstasy now he'd surely guarantee;
Stuff that's crafted quite like brie.
Each chef's a toothsome devotee;
Munch one, too, and you'll see!

Oh, so yummy and fabulous in size,
Now everyone affords and buys.
The tasty Jersey cream he'd prize
Heaven he had in a creamy surprise!
Tony Crafter with:
A honeymoon couple are lying in bed, just about to consummate their marriage, when the new bride remarks to her husband, "I've a confession to make... I'm not a virgin."

"That's no big thing in this day and age," replies the husband.

The bride continues, "I'm not an expert on men, far from it; I've only ever been with one guy."

"Ok, that's fine. Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"What - Tiger the top pro golfer?"

"Yes."

"Well, he's rich and famous. I can sort of understand why you slept with him."

The couple then make passionate love. When they're finished, the husband gets out of bed and picks up the phone.

"Who are you ringing?" enquires the wife.

The husband retorts, "I'm hungry, I was just going to call room service and order snacks."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"No? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come right back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the receiver and returns to bed to make love for a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and returns to the phone. "Now who are you calling?" she frowns.

The husband replies, "I'm still rather peckish so I was going to call room service to order something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"No? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a third time."

The guy replaces the phone and goes back to bed to make love once more. When they finish, he's totally drained, but he drags himself back to the phone and starts redialling.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger to find out what the par is for this darned hole!"

=

Diamond D’s brothel began work on an expansion of the building to make more room for its growing business. By way of a response, the local Baptist Church immediately staged an emotive campaign to halt the work, with obsessive morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at the church.

However, the work on Diamond D’s made progress at a good rate right up to the week before the grand reopening was due, when lightning struck the cathouse and burned it to the ground! After the strike, the church folks were very smug in their outlook, boasting about faith in God, and ‘The power of prayer’ to resolve a bad situation.

But last week Dolly ‘Jugs’ Diamond, the owner and madame, sued the church, the preacher, and the whole congregation on the grounds that they were “ultimately responsible for the demise of the building and the whole business through direct or indirect Divine actions or means.”

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied any responsibility for, or connection to, the building’s demise.

The hawkish old judge read through the plaintiff’s complaint and the defendant’s reply, and at the opening hearing he commented somewhat testily, “Okay; I don't know quite how I am going to decide this damned case, but it seems from these two submissions that we now have a whorehouse owner who devoutly believes in the power of prayer, and a whole church congregation that thinks it is all a load of bullshit!”

Tony Crafter with:
A SUBALTERN'S LOVE SONG
A poem by John Betjeman

Miss J. Hunter Dunn, Miss J. Hunter Dunn,
Furnish’d and burnish’d by Aldershot sun,
What strenuous singles we played after tea,
We in the tournament – you against me!

Love-thirty, love-forty, oh! weakness of joy,
The speed of a swallow, the grace of a boy,
With carefullest carelessness, gaily you won,
I am weak from your loveliness, Joan Hunter Dunn.

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
How mad I am, sad I am, glad that you won,
The warm-handled racket is back in its press,
But my shock-headed victor, she loves me no less.

Her father’s euonymus shines as we walk,
And swing past the summer-house, buried in talk,
And cool the verandah that welcomes us in
To the six-o’clock news and a lime-juice and gin.

The scent of the conifers, sound of the bath,
The view from my bedroom of moss-dappled path,
As I struggle with double-end evening tie,
For we dance at the Golf Club, my victor and I.

On the floor of her bedroom lie blazer and shorts,
And the cream-coloured walls are be-trophied with sports,
And westering, questioning settles the sun,
On your low-leaded window, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.

The Hillman is waiting, the light’s in the hall,
The pictures of Egypt are bright on the wall,
My sweet, I am standing beside the oak stair
And there on the landing’s the light on your hair.

By roads “not adopted”, by woodlanded ways,
She drove to the club in the late summer haze,
Into nine-o’clock Camberley, heavy with bells
And mushroomy, pine-woody, evergreen smells.

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
I can hear from the car park the dance has begun,
Oh! Surrey twilight! importunate band!
Oh! strongly adorable tennis-girl’s hand!

Around us are Rovers and Austins afar,
Above us the intimate roof of the car,
And here on my right is the girl of my choice,
With the tilt of her nose and the chime of her voice.

And the scent of her wrap, and the words never said,
And the ominous, ominous dancing ahead.
We sat in the car park till twenty to one
And now I’m engaged to Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.

=

A SUB-STANDARD LOVE SONG
by A Deluded Clown

Jessica Ennis, Jessica Ennis!
Never mind badminton, rowing or tennis,
The fastest of shots, or the beach volleyball,
The women's heptathlon's the toughest of all!

Look at her run, see that strength and that grace!
Her grim dedication, her heavenly face!
Leaping the long-jump, launching a spear,
She straddles the hurdles without any fear.

Jessica Ennis, Jessica Ennis!
Never mind badminton, rowing or tennis,
The moment she stands with that shot in her hand,
She carries the dreams of her trusty homeland.

Ah, bubbly Jessie, adorned with gold!
Her velvet-skinned beauty's one sight to behold,
When she's in action, that six-pack's damned stunning!
So tell me, gentle Jess... am I in the running?

Though you're the Track Queen and have medals galore,
I believe, Jess, I can offer you more;
I could take you to tea-dances, seniors' parties,
Demonstrate how to use 'Anagram Artist'.

Show you that wondrous Anagram Forum,
Teach you the rules and the posting decorum,
(The adrenaline surge of Olympic elation
Could never match that of your first Nomination!)

Jessica Ennis, Jessica Ennis!
Never mind badminton, rowing or tennis;
Let's run away now on a wild, whirlwind spree,
(I know a nice hotel in Margate-on-Sea).

We'll laze by the bay and skip on the sea-front,
(I'll show you my Fosbury Flop if you want!)
Hand-in-hand on the pebbles we'd eat candyfloss,
Then home on the ten-twenty train to King's Cross.

We'd live on our love and watch trash DVDs,
While we savoured our Horlicks and warm herbal tea,
I'd name you 'diddums', you'd name me 'dumdums',
And our new lives would never be drab or humdrum.

And we'd gaze at the stars through the window for hours,
Walk hand-in-hand through bright meadows of flowers,
Dine on lush strawberry tarts at lunch-time
Share glasses of neat, home-made rhubarb wine.

But Jess, you're the Face of the London Olympics,
And I know that to you I'm no more than a pin-prick;
Should you feel there's no chance for my bid you might plump,
Just don't tell the wife, or I'm for the high-jump!

Ellie Dent with:
'This be the Verse,' by Philip Larkin, the poet/genius.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

=

Ode: Any Happy Family's anthem.

They build you up, your mam and dad
It's what they're for, and so they do
Hand on, frankly, the sins they had
But add some treasure just for you.

They were built up, okay, in turn
By inane types in cloaks and gloves
Though they offended, much too stern
They then attempt to pass on love.

You may inherit small sad faults
That deepen like a coastal shelf
But now there's a chance to exult
To raise fine kids with heart yourself!

Shane with:
Last jarring calls from the unjustified Whitechapel
Murderer. Tons of message clues.

"From hell
Mr. Lusk
Sir
I send you half the
Kidne I took from one women
prasarved it for you tother piece
I fried and ate it was very nise. I
may send you the bloody knife that
took it out if you only wate a whil
longer.
signed
Catch me when you Can
Mishter Lusk."

=

Just for your fuel I saved this
And it is a special treat
Can't do it by myself
Killed the whore for you to eat
Take my hawkish offering
Heed my words carefully
Enjoy this one last morsel
Rethink catching me
I'm not an average man
Predominately I shook
Policemen's unfruitful work
Ensures end of more girlhoods
Ruined without white clues.

nedesto with:
Fred got a new rifle and thought he'd try it out.

He went up to Alaska, spotted a black bear and shot it. Soon he felt a tap on his shoulder, and he turned to see this huge brown bear standing there glaring at him.

"Killing that harmless little chap was a mistake, asshole." the bear told him, seething. "He happened to be my first cousin, you selfish scheming bastard. And now I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you or we screw."

Frightened and helpless, Fred glumly decided to accept the second choice. So the indignant bear had his way with Fred. Though he felt sore for weeks, thankfully he soon healed and swore he'd repay that bear, by God!.

Then he went on another trip northwest up to Alaska and found the brown bear and shot it. He felt another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge Kodiak bear was standing by him, hopping mad.

"That was a mistake, sir." the bear said crossly. "That bear happened to have been my kinfolk, you sickening worthless assassin! You've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."

Again, Fred considered it a better choice to cooperate with the bear than get mauled. So the horny beast had his way with him. Though this time he spent months healing.

Now Fred was completely incensed, so he headed to Alaska and managed to track down the Kodiak bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear scowled at him and said, "Admit it Fred, you don't really come here for the hunting, do you?

=

A wealthy man decided to travel on an African safari, taking his dear dachshund along.

One day, the dachshund starts chasing after butterflies and discovers that he's lost. Walking about, he sees a leopard heading in his direction with the obvious view of having him for lunch.

The dachshund thinks, "Boy, I bet I'm in big trouble now!" But he sees some bones in the dirt close by, and begins to eat the bones with his back to the leopard.

The leopard is about to leap, and the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was a delicious leopard. I wonder if there're any more around here?"

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack mid-stride, and slinks away into a tree. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was really too close. That dog nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who'd been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So he goes off after the leopard.

But the dog sees him heading away after the leopard, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey hurries to meet up with the leopard, and strikes a deal with the cat. The leopard is furious, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that smart aleck dog."

Now the dog sees the irate leopard coming ahead with the monkey, but instead of running, he sits down with his back turned to his attackers, pretending that he hasn't seen them yet.

Right when they get near enough to hear, the dog loudly shouts, "Well, where's that blasted monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Dharam with:
Desiderata - by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
=
Deteriorata - (Sorry, 'National Lampoon', this is a weirder version)

Go silently amid the noise and rubbish, and remember what comfort there is in owning a piece thereof.

Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of more sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak reverently of those in business with greater authority than yourself, and listen to their beliefs, even though they be sorry bastards. Verify which behinds to kiss, and when.

Understand two wrongs never make a right, but three do. If possible, put people on hold. Be comforted that in the face of all unfairness and disillusionment, and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a future in vinyl blinds.

Remember The Alamo. Strive to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate every day. Fortify yourself. If you need help, call in the soldiers.

Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you - that ninny on your left, for instance.

Be assured that a stroll in the ocean of souls shall scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love; it will stick to your face. Surrender all shiny things of youth: birds, fish, clean air, lady bugs, sassafras. Let not the sands of time near your eyes.

Hire sissyish people who are subduable, and for good sex, call Trixy. Take heart in the deepening gloom, and that your dog is finally having enough cheese.

Reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot, it could be worse in Syria.

You are naive sheep, a burden to the universe. You have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not, the entire universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore, make peace with god, whatever you label him to be - life's energy source, furious tyrant, or cosmic muffin.

With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, this world continues to deteriorate.

Yes, just give up!

The Anagrammy Awards

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