1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The professional waitress =
Tip was so essential for her.
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Her fault =
Half true.
3rd - Ljubica Bilalovic with:
3, 2, 1... 0! =
2013
Maurice Goddard with:
I wish I could create great anagrams, ones like Mey K =
The key goal: I'd sure like to win scarce Anagrammies!
Meyran Kraus with:
Fast so-called-food in the American diner =
One fried load of nitrates and chemicals.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Incompetent to stand trial =
Total rotten aspect in mind.
Dharam Khalsa with:
What to do in the event of a suspicious email: ~
Oh, the famous caution is "Please don't view it!"
Adie Pena with:
Surveillance camera system =
CCTV in mall sure sees my area.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Graveside mourners =
Ever so grim and sure.
Dean Mayer with:
The motivational speaker =
Hear positive talk on team.
Dean Mayer with:
The serious accident =
See deaths occur in it.
Dean Mayer with:
The community of travelers =
Metal thieves from country
Dharam Khalsa with:
Dharam needs to get a life =
I'd agree, feast on Hamlet, D!
Dharam Khalsa with:
There are two kinds of persons; those who ~
work, and others--the ones who see profits.
Ivan Andonov with:
Godforsaken =
One's dark fog.
nedesto with:
Passion ~
pains so!
Ellie Dent with:
Oh, typically have tots in ~
the school Nativity Play.
Adie Pena with:
Winter comes =
New ice storm.
View with:
Asteroidal =
A solid tear.
Meyran Kraus with:
A festivus pole =
Values of spite.
Adie Pena with:
Favorites =
O, "Five Star"!
Maurice Goddard with:
Thieving cat burglars ~
grab lucrative things!
View with:
Responsible gun ownership =
Sensible in proper gun-show.
Dean Mayer with:
Gun owners of America =
Cause of warmongerin'.
Dean Mayer with:
Some hunting parties ~
raise guns, point them.
Rosie Perera with:
Religious rite observance =
Tenacious believers' rigor.
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Seasonal affective disorder =
Faint solar cover fed disease.
Larry Brash with:
Seasonal affective disorder =
I advocate relief for sadness.
nedesto with:
I feel Mother Nature's reign ain't ended, so =
do not underestimate her final energies!
Tony Crafter with:
Decrepit dinosaur =
A rude description!
Tony Crafter with:
"Merlot, Monsieur? Oh dear, It's ghastly!" ~
shouted this sommelier arrogantly.
nedesto with:
Someday I'm entering the tavern, all optimistically ~
then later on, I'm leaving it smeared; misty optically.
Ellie Dent with:
Seasonal =
A sale's on!
David Bourke with:
Relationship guidance =
Aid, counseling the pair.
Rick with:
A rude description ~
ruins parotic deed.
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
I'm dreaming of a White Christmas ~
in this time of warm shared magic.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Paradise Lost by Milton =
A Brit's old, saintly poem.
3rd - View with:
Nina Simone - Feeling Good =
Imagine one old fine song.
nedesto with:
Organist Franz Gruber's "Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht" =
Each gentle ringing stanza laurels birth of Christ.
Scott Gardner with:
New Line Cinema's "The Hobbit" series =
See three with Bilbo in main scenes.
Ellie Dent with:
Manet's Portrait of Mademoiselle Claus =
Model's formal picture at seasonal time?
Adie Pena with:
Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas =
That crime must frighten the babes or minors!
Tony Crafter with:
The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl: 'Fairytale Of New York' =
Wry, Yuletide folk-anthem. Cracker of a song (so play it!)
Larry Brash with:
Sydney to Hobart Yacht Race =
The best racy cohort any day.
Scott Gardner with:
The motion picture "Les Miserables" =
Policemen set to hit Marius' rebels
Dharam Khalsa with:
South Korean musician PSY's "Gangnam Style" =
Magnetic young man. Seriously? Pass, thanks!
Meyran Kraus with:
The British author A.A. Milne =
I "bear" his humor in that tale! ;)
Meyran Kraus with:
Milton's poem Paradise Lost =
One's immortal past spoiled.
1st - Rosie Perera with:
Advent carols =
Ardent vocals.
2nd - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Republicans =
I curse Plan B.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Sandy Hook Elementary School, Connecticut =
One man shocked local society, then country!
Rosie Perera with:
Pope to open personal Twitter account =
Purpose? To tweet on contraception, pal!
Rosie Perera with:
Kate Middleton is pregnant, palace confirms =
England men forecast special important kid.
Rosie Perera with:
The Advent Calendar ~
even had darn cattle.
Rosie Perera with:
Kate Middleton has hyperemesis gravidarum =
Nausea makes prim dehydrated girls vomit, eh?
Christopher Sturdy with:
As the customer is always right, ~
let's wish you a Great Christmas.
Richard Brodie with:
The President's fiscal cliff =
If credit's spent, Chief falls!
View with:
Kate Middleton's pregnant =
Tender dame plans King-tot
Ellie Dent with:
Dave Brubeck has died at the age of Ninety-One =
Goodbye ... his Take Five and the beat can endure.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Kate Middleton's hospital stay is over =
"Daily Mail" editors' task: event's photos.
Rosie Perera with:
Going over the fiscal cliff =
Fetch groveling officials.
View with:
Palestinian political organization Hamas =
Anti-Israel plan in Gaza, a hot Islamic option
Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
There is a war against Christmas. A din ~
as Antichrist ideas gather in a swarm.
Rosie Perera with:
Syria readies chemical weapons =
Yes, a clash as more die in epic war.
Dean Mayer with:
Those two disc jockeys in Australia =
That royal joke's cost was in suicide
Rosie Perera with:
Church nativity scene =
Christ in catchy venue.
Rosie Perera with:
Pope sends his first ever tweet =
I've pressed Enter; swift post, eh?
nedesto with:
A simple carpenter from Galilee =
Eternal realm's pilgrim of peace.
Scott Gardner with:
The carol "What Child is This?" =
To which all said "the Christ"
Meyran Kraus with:
Victims of Sandy Hook Elementary =
A hefty cost: many kids live no more.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The Mayan Apocalypse =
A myth, easy con appeal.
Maurice Goddard with:
Newtown school gunman forced his way in, police say =
News: Now pains of icy agony. We mourn each child lost.
Adie Pena with:
The semiautomatic Bushmaster rifle ~
shot them. It must be America's failure.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" =
Girlie in long cloak, boots, ski hat, mittens.
Rosie Perera with:
Obama Announces Gun Violence Task Force =
Give an unstable cuckoo on a fence no arms!
Maurice Goddard with:
Mealworms: The Future of Farm-to-Table Dining? =
Moment mouth waters: A neat fill of fried grub!
Meyran Kraus with:
On December in the year Two Thousand Twelve, ~
we heartily doubt some event can end the wor-
Dharam Khalsa with:
End-of-the-world scenario =
Screwed in another flood!
Scott Gardner with:
The carol "First Noël" =
O tell of Christ near.
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Winter storms =
Twisters norm?
Tony Crafter with:
US gun rights lobbyists want to deport Piers Morgan =
Angry groups blasting: "Send Brit home. Toss twirp out!"
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sir Bradley Wiggins =
Rider was big, singly.
Rick with:
Surveillance cameras =
An evil, cruel massacre.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The sprinter Oscar Pistorius =
Superior star in prosthetics.
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The blessed virgin Mary =
Given myrrh stable-side.
3rd - nedesto with:
Catherine "Kate" Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge =
Duke's child-bearing mate, henceforth domesticated.
Dharam Khalsa with:
British cartoonist Ralph Steadman =
Star behind satirical Thompson art.
Ellie Dent with:
Catherine and William, the Royal parents-to-be =
And let's all await heir to throne ... prince, maybe?
Adie Pena with:
Big-breasted star Pamela Anderson =
Person manages real bad debt at IRS.
View with:
Donald Fehr =
Dread of NHL.
Ivan Andonov with:
Michael Fassbender ‡
He screens a bad film.
Tony Crafter with:
Cherie Blair =
"CBE? Her?" I rail.
David Bourke with:
Bradley Marc Wiggins, CBE =
"Bring me big cycle awards!"
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The National Rifle Association of America =
I note it's fatal if in a school area or cinema.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Trevi Fountain, Rome, Italy =
They maintain it for true love.
3rd - nedesto with:
Festivals:
1. Advent
2. Christmas
3. Boxing Day
4. New Year's Eve
=
1. Calendar
2. Nativity
3. Boss served many gifts
4. We have sex!
Rosie Perera with:
Earth Liberation Front =
Notable faith in terror.
Ellie Dent with:
The Disney 'Tinker Bell' doll =
Kindly little blonde's here!
Dean Mayer with:
The Tesco supermarket chain =
Ha! Can't keep their customers
Ivan Andonov with:
Krating Daeng (Thai Red Bull) =
A legal drug be in that drink.
Ed Pegg Jr with:
"The republic has no need for genius." =
Bureau of Enlightened Censorship.
Tony Crafter with:
The National Sex Offenders Register =
X-rated sinners safe together on file
View with:
The Titanic disaster =
I die, can't resist that.
nedesto with:
National Rifle Association =
It's an antisocial loon I fear.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The National Rifle Association =
Is it an alliance to shoot in fear?
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Horsemen of the Apocalypse =
Those omen a false prophecy.
Rosie Perera with:
Westboro Baptist Church =
What phobic obstructers!
Meyran Kraus with:
The National Association for Gun Rights =
Treating a nut shooting in school as "fair"?
1st - nedesto with:
The world's five all-time most noteworthy people:
1. Leonardo da Vinci
2. Isaac Newton
3. Albert Einstein
4. Plato
5. Galileo Galilei
=
1. Mona Lisa painter
2. "I'll follow gravity down."
3. "I have entwined spacetime."
4. Rational theologist
5. A telescope led to rebellion
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Pretend you are on the beach on some desert island. What three favorite books would you like to bring along?
=
- Michael Ende's 'The Neverending Story'
- 'Edgar Allan Poe: The Entire Works'
- 'How To Build A Boat Out Of Your Books'.
3rd - David Bourke with:
The Australian radio disc jockeys Mel Greig and Michael Christian
=
Regal mimicry leading to Jacintha Saldanha's shock suicide. Retire!
Rosie Perera with:
Besse Cooper's secret to long life: "I mind my own business. And I don't eat junk food." =
Oldest person in world just died; seems maybe too sick of being so ancient; no fun.
Christopher Sturdy with:
I am open and responsive to all the universe has to offer
=
This is the mantra of unevolved people or of inane arses!
Scott Gardner with:
The Universal Studios motion picture Les Mis&aacure;rables =
Cosette thrills Marius; Éponine loves Marius, but dies.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"This is It
and I am It
and You are It
and so is That
and He is It
and She is It
And It is It
And That is That."
James Broughton
=
That said,
a staid man,
in his insight,
has joined a ditty,
this theist strain,
an ambitious idea,
that I too understand.
Rosie Perera with:
'Choose Life' license plates ruled unconstitutional in North Carolina =
Announced all is lost until there is inclusion of pro-choice alternate.
Adie Pena with:
The classic Christmas carol "It Came Upon the Midnight Clear"
=
"Child in a manger" spectacle matters much to Irish Catholics!
nedesto with:
Three bears, eight penguins, five moose and three jackals walk into this bar one day.
=
Glancing up, the naive bartender says, "What is this here? Some kind of elaborate joke?"
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Telecommunication overdramatising MEDICAL TESTS!! ?
=
Commercial Advertisement Loudness Mitigation Act.
View with:
The Mayan apocalypse: panic spreads as December twenty first nears
=
A mystery predicts end of Planet Earth - a space abyss, men in space war.
Dharam Khalsa with:
American Federation of Labor and Congress of Industrial Organizations
=
Goals: Unionize, confront, consider ideas to a fair deal, bargain, transform.
Tony Crafter with:
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere I go.
=
I agree:
Snow.
Everything costing a lot.
I'm broke.
Ok... it is Hell!
Ellie Dent with:
Daniel Craig, who is our Special Agent Bond, says to gruff *Bardem: 'Everybody needs a hobby.'
=
*Big baddy: 'Nice. So go ahead and oblige me. What's yours?' Spy Bond, ever affably: 'Resurrection.'
Richard Brodie with:
National Rifle Association calls for armed police officers in every school
=
Role of nice clear official policy is to save children from assailant sooner
Christopher Sturdy with:
Wishing all a Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year.....,
~
Help. I am sorry. Surprise is the Mayan calendar was wrong!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Evening: to pray, revitalize and arise, thus brightening my day
=
I stay up every night and realize it's a bad thing every morning!
David Bourke with:
Pastor Raymond Bell's 'Equine Assisted Psychotherapy' theories =
His rap: "Horses may help queers to boycott penises and try ladies!"
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"
(Yeats, 'The Second Coming') =
December brought no messy deaths,
Eternal sobs or clash -
But one thing did outmatch us...
That we are too low on cash.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"
(Yeats, 'The Second Coming')
=
Tomorrow, a chubby, bearded and costumed Santa with tactless laughter begins to enter countless homes! Ho-ho-ho!
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"
(Yeats, 'The Second Coming')
=
Ambushed by the cold school shooter,
Students and teachers wait, as angels,
To come to be reborn without gun harm.
Rosie Perera with:
The Loch Ness Monster, with dragon body mass,
comes as a babe, lurching beneath the water.
Could outdo those trout!
Tony Crafter with:
Could change come to the world this time as 'that new-born baby'?
Or the murderous, gun-obsessed Satan at the school...?
Dharam Khalsa with:
Would we shoot that successor in stable manger bed,
As combat continues on the borders ahead?
(Motherly thought)
Dharam Khalsa with:
The Mayan calendar gets to the end;
What more hitches can God send -
Bomb us?
Shoot us?
Blowtorch us?
Or obliterate us?
Ellie Dent with:
So, author can argue thoughtless man
descends to war and to tomb: but others see
birth ... new boy child comes to heal.
Rosie Perera with:
>The mythologers saw the outcome: at Bible's end, douchebag Satan is hurled down to burn. No more Scratch! He's toast!
nedesto with:
Old Lang Sayonara
Do secret shadows' sour sobs
Madmen reunite?
That chose wrong, but clutch to
The behemoth bite.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Dubious goal: "Ooh, I want that etched on the tombstone
as my cold carcass slumbers beneath the rose undergrowth!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
An age that Christ brought about ends,
But man sees troublesome trends:
Cyclone-whorl chaos,
With a doomed ethos.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
One by one, the managers of a company were called into the CEO’s office until only the newest, most junior manager was left sitting nervously outside. Finally, it was his turn to be summoned. He walked into the office to find the CEO and the twelve senior managers seated solemnly around a polished oak table.
Addressing the junior manager, the CEO asked: "Young man, have you ever slept with Miss Whittock, the company secretary?"
"What? Certainly not! "
"Are you absolutely sure?" the CEO persisted.
"Absolutely. I swear I have never laid one finger on her."
"And you would swear that on the Bible?"
"Yes, I would swear on the Bible that I have never had a sexual relationship with Miss Whittock."
"Good," nodded the CEO. "Then you can fire her."
=
The CEO of an international company was due to speak at a major convention, so he nominated Robertson, one of his junior managers, to write him a really dynamic twenty-minute oration.
Totally obsessed, the young man slaved relentlessly at his task and eventually created a dynamic, innovative speech which he thought would be well received. Yes, he felt sure his boss would really like this one!
Later, on returning from the convention, the CEO was seething.
"Why the hell did you write me a one-hour speech?" he raged. "Half the audience began to walk out long before I'd finished. What a mess!"
Robertson was baffled. "But I did write you a twenty-minute speech, sir!" he asserted.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
MANSPEAK: And what it really means.
It is a guy thing.
There is no rational thought pattern and you've no chance at all of making it logical.
Can I help you with dinner?
Why isn't it on the table yet?
Uh-huh/yes, dear/sure, honey.
This means absolutely nothing. It is a
conditioned response.
It would really take much too long to explain.
I have no idea how it works.
We are going to be late.
I've a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.
Take a break, dear. You really do work too hard.
I cannot hear the game over the noise of that confounded vacuum cleaner.
That's interesting, dear.
Are you still talking?
It is a really good movie.
It's got guns, explosions, fast cars, and beautiful women.
That is women's work.
It is difficult, dirty, and thankless.
You know how bad my memory is.
I do remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've owned, but I did forget your damn birthday date.
=
I was thinking about you this afternoon at work, and I got these expensive, fragrant pink roses and nasturtiums you like.
The Bavarian girl I saw selling them on the street corner's a firebrand - she's a cracker!
Look, don't exaggerate or make a fuss. I cut myself - it's no big deal.
I think I've actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt.
Hey, relax. I have got rational reasons for what I'm doing, you know.
And I hope I think of some convincing ones very soon.
I cannot find it.
It didn't fall right into my outstretched hands, and therefore I'm completely clueless.
What did I do this time?
What did you catch me at?
I heard you.
I haven't the foggiest clue what you said, and so now I'm hoping desperately that I can fake it, so that you don't spend a week or more yelling at me and interrogating me.
You know I could never love anyone else.
I am used to your behavior - the way that you yell at me - and I realise it could be altogether worse.
ed. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for..."
3rd - nedesto with:
Benny walked into his welfare office to pick up his check. Marching straight up to Ken, the social worker at the counter Benny said, "Hi, Ken, my good man.... I do HATE getting welfare. I'd rather be working."
Ken said, "Then your timing is really most excellent, sir, as we have this brand new opening from a wealthy old man who wants a bodyguard for his beautiful nineteen year old daughter."
"You'll have to drive her in the old man's Mercedes, Benny, and the old man will supply all your clothes. Because of the long hours, the meals will be provided. Then, you'll also be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips." Ken continued.
"This is rather indelicate to say, Benny, but as part of this job assignment, you will also have to try to satisfy her... ahem... desires, as the girl has a rather strong... ahem... drive."
Wide-eyed, Benny said, "You gotta be bullshitting me, Ken!"
Ken said, "Yeah, well I'm sorry, but you started it."
=
Will goes into a pub. The bar is completely empty, except for the bartender. Will orders a drink, the bartender pours it and goes in the back room, leaving Will alone in the bar.
Suddenly, Will hears a vague muffled voice in the bar, "Pardon, but your tie's very nice."
He looks around, but sees no one. Will sips his drink again and then hears the muffled voice say, "Wow, your hair's really sexy today."
Again, he glances around, but no one's there. Thinking he's losing his mind, Will goes back to his drink. Then he hears the muffled voice say, "Wow, you look truly great. Have you lost weight, too?"
Just then, the bartender emerges from back of the room. "Was that you talking before?" asks Will.
"Well, no, I didn't say anything," says the bartender.
"Really? Because I distinctly heard someone say "Nice tie", then they complimented my hair and said I'd lost weight."
"Oh," said the bartender, "That's the peanuts, they're complimentary."
Christopher Sturdy with:
Our Father, Who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy name
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in Heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those, who trespass against us;
And Lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil,
For Thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory
For ever and ever
Amen
=
A heathen Christmas Eve Shopping list:
Liver sausage
'Reindeer' food
Mushrooms
Horseradish
Salad
Houmous
Veggie vol-au-vents
Tuna
Eleven bottles of bubbly (for New Year's Eve)
Fino sherry
DO NOT FORGET THE RUDDY TURKEY!
What Women Want on DVD (Mother-in-law)
A Wii Fit (dad)
The Radio Times
Eighteen napkins
Eighteen party hats
An indoor tv aerial
Maurice Goddard with:
When someone becomes dependent or addicted to alcohol, they:
Develop a strong sense of compulsion to drink
May drink shortly after waking to reduce feelings of alcohol withdrawal
Develop a reduced capacity to control how often and how much they drink
Organise their lifestyle around drinking
Continue to drink despite physical or social problems.
=
Most don't, don't acknowledge they've difficulty, then point-blank refuse help
Alcohol-induced wicked-doings' aggression can cripple
To conceal addiction's poor traits, many hide the proof whisky bottle
Divorced, down-hearted, poor degenerate men are common too
If this is true of you, you'll soon need a concerned shrink like Awardsmaster Larry who'll help!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Five offensive Christmas songs you should stop singing:
1. Baby, It's Cold Outside
2. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
3. Twelve Days of Christmas
4. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
5. Do They Know It’s Christmas?
=
1. Why give date rape blessings?
2. My god, is wife grandfather's victim?!
3. Miss, oblivious to my gifts' cost? Say 'Thanks'!
4. Dad smooches in costume, or Santa monkeys around. Doubly wrong!
5. Hit verse insults Africans!
Adie Pena with:
Top Ten Worst Christmas Songs Ever
10. The Twelve Days of Christmas
9. Feliz Navidad, by Jose Feliciano
8. Santa Baby
7. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
6. All I Want for Christmas Is You, by Mariah Carey and Justin Bieber
5. Jingle Bells, the barking dog version
4. Jingle Bells, by Barbara Streisand
3. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
2. Christmas Song, by Alvin and the Chipmunks
1. The Christmas Shoes=
10. Five golden rings?! Here, Gollum. Come on, Boy.
9. Object to a major Spanish travesty!
8. Santa has had too many nice babies.
7. Wish she'd been run over by a car first!
6. Trivial mash by a rambling gal and a blabbering kid.
5. Kennel presents trashy band jam; daft frivolity.
4. Narcissistic songstress whips up this messy job.
3. Big mad irritant; crazy waste!
2. Scratch this helium-infused horror.
1. Sap to a new level!
Meyran Kraus with:
Famous Last Words
- It's better to burn out than to fade away. (Kurt Cobain)
- I'll sleep well tonight. (Henry Ford)
- Drink to me, drink to my health, you know I can't drink any more. (Pablo Picasso)
- My head! My head! (Robert Lewis Stevenson)
- Does nobody understand? (James Joyce)
- Jesus! (Joan of Arc)
- Tell Anna of our talk. (Sigmund Freud)
- Goodbye. If we meet- (Mark Twain)
- Beautiful. (Timothy Leary)
- I am going to the inevitable. (Philip Larkin)
=
Famous First Words
- Bitty, Binky, Kitty. (Julius Caesar)
- I AM a married lady over twenty one! (Lindsay Lohan)
- Dad, when can I ruin the free world? (George Bush Jr.)
- Put a mommy-tootin' snack on the nanny-tootin' plate! (Samuel L. Jackson)
- Why did the milk bottle fall? (Newton)
- Lady Kiki, Bobo, Gaga... One of them, for sure. (Stefani Germanotta)
- When do I need to burp? You'd have to ask my people. (Justin Bieber)
- I drool, till four a.m. (Descartes)
1st - nedesto with:
1. Molten rock
4. Pop
7. Crooked (4-1-4)
12. Prick
13. Have concerns (5,2)
14. I'm who is Santa's third
15. Birthplace
16. Use my words
17. Blithe
18. Reminiscence
20. Adherence
24. Wise
26. O-C-O (3,3)
28. Sheep heaps
30. Much beloved Crosby tune (3,2,4,3,9)
32. I'm a first for Santa
34. Plaster type
35. Sugary nut confections
38. Scalia, et al (7,5)
40. Smart-ass
43. Vestibule
45. Eyes
46. Mistaken; invalid
48. Calm
49. A kind of 52 Across
50. Cause a humorous crack-up
51. Guides
52. Coconut meringue, e.g.
53. "To our health!"=
1. Us fogies
2. Cartilage
3. Cherub
4. "Do I hear a thousand?" (5,7)
5. Motor
6. When my true love gave me stuff (6,4,2,9)
7. Fickleness
8. Spell check (4,4)
9. "KLANG!" (5,4)
10. Happen
11. Celebration
19. Topic
21. Accolades
22. Semaphores as a distress (1-1-1)
23, Nativity
25. Stacks (5,2)
27. Eccentric human
29. Arborous, resinous sap
31. Chutney
32. Como se dice, "Two"?
33. Complete (5,4)
36. Candy
37. Caribou
39. Cephalopod
41. Intermission
42. Isthmus is a kind (4-2)
43. Enumerates
44. Vile, murky water
47. Scorch or burn
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Riding upon the Goat, with snow-white hair,
I come, the last of all. This crown of mine
Is of the holly; in my hand I bear
The thyrsus, tipped with fragrant cones of pine.
I celebrate the birth of the Divine,
And the return of the Saturnian reign;
My songs are carols sung at every shrine,
Proclaiming "Peace on earth, good will to men."
=
A Poem on Issues of Destiny
A sense of wonder welcoming with mirth
New products of the miracle of birth
Beginning then their trip upon this Earth
Leads nowhere - though it may give you relief
To change that and promote this right belief:
An early, harsh conviction that we all
End in this roaring fire no prayer can stall.
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Naming of Cats
by T.S. Eliot
The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there's the name that the family use daily,
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James,
Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey--
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter--
But all of them sensible everyday names.
But I tell you, a cat needs a name that's particular,
A name that's peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular,
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum-
Names that never belong to more than one cat.
But above and beyond there's still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover--
But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name
=
Hit American Names for Dogs
(with the names' meanings)
Angel - ethereal
Bambi - imitation deer
Beau - handsome, charming
Betty Lou - overfed glutton
Billy-Bob - monumental as a house (i.e., the Mastiff)
Bobby-Jo - thievish
Buck - majestic stag
Bud - a beer enthusiast
Candi - has a sweet tooth
Chopper - lethal teeth, an assassin
Cletis - dull as a stone
Coy - not as dumb as he looks
Daisy - pale as the flower
Dakota - a Native American's friend
Desiree - (French) craved one
Earl - a dutiful leader
Elrod - asleep underneath the tree
Eustice - a helluva poker player
Faylene - unique
Fido - has an unimaginative human
Floyd - sensitive, gentle
Forest - chief of the woods
Harley- spacious meadow (also, a motorcycle enthusiast)
Hattie - thankful
Homer - intelligent chum
Jed - friend of God
Junior - small human son
Layla - attentive face
Lexus - faithful as the auto
Lynndie - aviator
Maddy - Messiah's helpmate
Misty - an elf in the mist
Nyla - a winner
Otis - son of Otto (who is that?)
Peggy-Sue - queen of the South
Pervis - fortunate one
Porsha - attached to a German auto mechanic
Pristine - chaste, feminine
Raylene - stubborn as a mule
Rebel - resistant to authority (the name fits most of them!)
Rhiann - a mythological nymph
Rocky - macho prize fighter (pure muscle!)
Roscoe - huntsman from the forest
Roy - magnificent ruler
Ruby - fathomless gem
Rufus - chestnut-furred one
Sherman - staunch as the tank
Spencer - faithful
Wade - loves the water
nedesto with:
A successful elderly rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. Determined to save the ranch, but knowing very little about ranching, she placed an ad in the paper for ranch hands. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other one a drunk.
She thought about it and she hired the gay guy. Since no one else applied, she thought that it would be better to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a great industrious worker, putting in long hours all day at the ranch and having a lot of ranching skills. The two of them toiled hard for weeks and the ranch was doing rather well.
One day, she told him, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch is in truly great shape. You should go to town." The hired hand readily agreed and went to town that Saturday night. He returned past midnight, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace, all alone with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks."
"Yes ma'am", he said as he removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the firelight.
"Now take off my bra."
Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
=
A man brought a very limp dog into a veterinary clinic. As he laid the dog onto the table, the doctor pulled out a stethoscope, placing it on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said consolingly, "I'm sorry, but your whippet has passed away."
"What?" yelled the man huffily. "How can you tell when you haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!" With that, the vet frowned, turned and left the room.
In a few moments, he returned with an old Labrador retriever. The Retriever bent his head going right to work, thoroughly checking out the dead canine; gently sniffing, prodding, and assessing. After a considerable amount of whiffing, the Retriever bayed sadly, shook his head glumly and said, "Woof".
The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with an elderly cat, which also thoroughly checked out the dead whippet on the table. He gingerly whiffed, pawed and eyed the poor bugger. As had his predecessors, the cat regretfully shook his head and hollowly said, "Meow." He jumped off the table and ran out of the room.
Then, when the veterinarian handed the dog's owner a bill for a thousand dollars, the man went berserk. "What?! A grand! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is a freaking outrage! It's beyond unspeakable, you condescending asshole!" he shrieked, stunned.
The vet shook his head sadly and said, "Honestly If you had taken my word for it, it would have been fifty bucks. But with the Lab work and the cat scans..."
Ed Pegg Jr with:
The Lament of Icarus =
Loutish Cretan fame...
Ellie Dent with:
NOVEMBER
No sun - no moon!
No morn - no noon -
No dawn - no dusk - no proper time of day.
No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member -
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds! -
November!
=
NOEL
No room in inn: no
home to use, or let
'No bed for a human'
an innkeeper's response.
Save in a common
stable home for humble
beasts, but no fire found
No woollen coverlet.
No fine food then, or
banners flown, no hymns
even sounded for
Mary's newborn Son.
Tony Crafter with:
OH NO - I GOT A COLD
by
Pam Ayres
I am sitting on the sofa
By the fire and staying in.
Me head is free of comfort
And me nose is free of skin
Me friends have run for cover,
They have left me pale and sick
With me pockets full of tissues
And me nostrils full of Vick
That bloke in the telly adverts,
He's supposed to have a cold.
He has a swig of whatnot
And he drops off, good as gold,
His face like snowing harvest
Slips into sweet repose.
Well I bet this tortured breathing
Never whistled down his nose.
I burnt me bit of dinner
Cause I've lost me sense of smell,
But then, I couldn't taste it,
So that worked out very well,
I'd buy some, down the cafe,
But I know that at the till,
A voice from work will softly say
"I thought that you were ill".
So I'm wrapped up in a blanket
With me feet up on a stool,
I've watched the telly programmes
And the kids come home from school,
But what I haven't watched for
Is any sympathy,
Cause all you ever get is:
"Oh no, keep away from me!"
Medicinal discovery,
It moves in mighty leaps,
It leapt straight past the common cold
And gave it us for keeps.
Now I'm not a fussy woman,
There's no malice in me eye
But I wish that they could cure
the common cold.
That's all. Goodbye.
=
OBSESSIVE MOMENTS
(of untold self-neglect)
I went off to my doctor's,
He smiled, "How are we today?"
I hate it when he asks that,
What'm I supposed to say?
Heck, I can't say, "Very well!"
(If so, why have I come there?)
So I gave a token smile
And flopped down on the chair.
"Now, have you come about that rash?"
He asked, "give me some data!
Did the cream work that I gave you?
Did you use the applicator?"
"No!" I puffed, "it's not the rash,
It's problems in my head."
He sounded disappointed;
"Oh... what's wrong with it?" he said...
Are you sure it's not that rash?
I'll bet it's back again!
Is it crawling up your body?
Has it crept into your brain?"
I yelled, "It's not my feckin' rash!
But more a self-confession;
Effectively, my torment's a
Malevolent obsession!"
He sniffed, "Well, well, that's awful,"
I sobbed, "Doc, that's not the half!
If I reveal the frightful truth,
Well... promise not to laugh?"
Doc scoffed, "Never! We GPs
Observe, rocklike, the vow,
Of full, complete solemnity.
Tell me all about it now."
I wept, "I'm up late every night,
My mind a full maelstrom,
Of tense, obsessive moments
Spent on Anagrammy.com!"
He clucked, "Tch! A common sickness!
Don't get involved, keep off the site!
Now, d'you want something for that rash?"
I said, "Er... ok; all right."
Adie Pena with:
HURRICANE SANDY
by Melani Udaeta
High flying waves
Unprecedented size
Rocking the Atlantic
Raging the East coast
Intimidating;
Creating a day inside;
A break from the grind
Nature grounds us, tells us,
Everyone unwind
Surge of power
Anything but average
No one will stand alone
Down, but not undone
Yes we will survive this storm
=
SANDY HOOK LIVES
Some urgent Friday-time
Andy Lanza shot
Nancy, untwisted mother.
Drove to school,
Yearned for undue respect,
Held that big Bushmaster
Obliterating Anne.
Olivia needing a genuine hug;
Kaitlin preserving students.
Lauren wincing
Ingulfed in ruby;
Victoria wasting away.
Ending sweet Grace.
Satan slew our true Dawn.
Rosie Perera with:
Fire and Ice (a poem by Robert Frost)
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
=
Cataclysm
The calendar ends tomorrow.
We shuffle off this horrifying island.
To burn or to be cold,
that is what I seek to review.
Deaths suck no matter what.
Whoop-de-doo, I've seen a few.
I'd need coffee if it's to be gunfire,
For that is a foul way to perish.
My, it's horrid! I, I, I, I, I, I, I------
Adie Pena with:
HURRICANE SANDY
by Melani Udaeta
High flying waves
Unprecedented size
Rocking the Atlantic
Raging the East coast
Intimidating;
Creating a day inside;
A break from the grind
Nature grounds us, tells us,
Everyone unwind
Surge of power
Anything but average
No one will stand alone
Down, but not undone
Yes we will survive this storm
=
SANDY HOOK LIVES
So nutty, terrifying
Adam Lanza shot mother
Nancy, untwisted dame.
Drove to school,
Yearned for undue respect,
Held the big Bushmaster
Obliterating Anne.
Olivia needing a genuine hug;
Kaitlin preserving students.
Lauren wincing
Ingulfed in ruby;
Victoria wasting away.
Ending sweet Grace.
Satan slew our true Dawn.
Tony Crafter with:
END OF THE WORLD
By
Skeeter Davis
Why does the sun go on shining
Why does the sea rush to shore
Don't they know it's the end of the world
'Cause you don't love me any more
Why do the birds go on singing
Why do the stars glow above
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when I lost your love
I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything's the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does
Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye
Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye
=
END OF THE WORLD
Nonsense Song
Why was I doomy on Friday?
Why was I set for the worst?
'Cos they'd told us the end of the world
Would be today, the twenty-first.
Went to the bank on the High St.
Took my nest-egg in one burst,
Gave it away, hey, 'cos I knew today
Would be my final twenty-first.
I looked into the snowy sky, then wondered
Where the hidden danger could be;
Was it out there somewhere in the hushed evening air?
Hey... was it coming right for me?
Phoned every one that I'd cherished,
To say one shy, 'Love you, goodbye,'
"Why does the world have to end?" they'd sighed.
Why does it need to end, oh why?"
I woke on Saturday morning,
Shouted, "Yegods! I'm not dead!
"Gosh! No dying now! No end! ... no end?
"What nonsense!" so I stayed in bed.
nedesto with:
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
=
A Fiscal Cliff draws ever near
Down from a haunt in Washington,
And hooded heads just hum in fear,
Aye, nothing here seems to get done.
A Bush proposal to rewrite,
An errant law; dim, grim, inane.
Ah, to get it done tonight!
We wonder whether; Yea or Nay?
1st - Dean Mayer with:
The folk musicians =
Same ol' fuckin' shit.
2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Tight sweater =
Tits wag there.
3rd -Scott Gardner with:
The house of ill repute =
I hope to fuel lust here.
Maurice Goddard with:
Give myself satisfaction =
Velocity in stiff massage!!
Meyran Kraus with:
Naughty dreams =
Many get us hard.
View with:
Intent on sex ‡
Nonexistent.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Big Bang theory =
e.g. tight, horny babe.
Adie Pena with:
Husband and wife =
Wad and fine bush.
nedesto with:
The cosmetic silicone breast implants =
Bosom science I call, "Tempest in a t-shirt".
Ivan Andonov with:
The pornographic actors =
Cop-to-cop rear thrashing.
Rick Rothstein with:
Clitoral stimulations =
Calms our titillations.
Adie Pena with:
The custom of kissing under the mistletoe =
The sole interest is modest mouth-fucking!
Meyran Kraus with:
Implants in chest are for ~
the actress in a porn film.
Tony Crafter with:
Soapy tit wank =
"Ok wasn't it? Pay!"
The Anagrammy Awards