1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Tennis swing =
Winning sets.
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
It is a long story =
It's a trilogy, son.
3rd - Tyler Severance with:
A devout Family honor there =
Father
And
Mother
I
Love
You
Rick Rothstein with:
Feminine deodorant products =
I'm darned superconfident too!
Jason Lofts with:
A 'cosmic inflation' theorist ‡
"Earth is flat" is comic notion.
Tony Crafter with:
The sacramental wine =
(Hic!) "Amen," we translate.
nedesto with:
Tossed a spanner in the works =
Known phrase notes disaster.
Ed Pegg Jr with:
International investments ~
sent antienvironmentalist.
David Bourke with:
Termination of pregnancy =
I can report my infant gone.
Scott Gardner with:
A federal politician =
Adore life in capital.
Larry Brash with:
Evildoer fancies ~
denial of service.
Maurice Goddard with:
The dirtiest of dirty old men is ~
itemised: rotten, filthy, sordid.
View with:
The tobacco industry =
Counteract this body.
Julian Lofts with:
The immigrant holding center ~
meant children in grim ghetto.
Rosie Perera with:
The software encryption =
So often a written cypher.
Ivan Andonov with:
Lame conspiracy theorist =
Years on chemtrail topics.
Adie Pena with:
See evil stories in ~
television series.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Fertile uterus ‡
Sterile future.
Mark Huffman with:
Some cannibalistic tribes ~
can bite moist brain slices.
Meyran Kraus with:
Can't seem to find those car keys of yours? =
They're so often in some dusty sofa crack!
Ellie Dent with:
Spreading good cheer =
Preach God does reign.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Masterpiece painting 'Mona Lisa' =
An enigmatic smile appears on it.
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The beloved classic children's story of "Peter Pan" =
Child flyer can pass over treetops in bedclothes.
Eq3rd - nedesto with:
The famous Beatle's song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds =
In which a mindless young beauty takes most of the LSD.
Eq3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Michelangelo's painting The Creation of Adam =
Man in chapel reaching to God animates to life.
David Bourke with:
The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and The Who =
One, two, three hottest all-English bands, eh?
Rosie Perera with:
Stanley Cup Playoffs: Finals =
Staff snaps playfully on ice.
Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's painting: The Garden in Flower =
Floral growth needing time, patience ... and sun!
Mark Huffman with:
World Cup: The Netherlands routs Spain =
Pro Dutch lads win, turn planet's heroes!
Adie Pena with:
The Beatles' Richard Starkey =
They each liked R. Starr's beat!
Jason Lofts with:
René Lacoste in ~
tennis ace role.
Tyler Severance with:
Starship engineering team ~
is managing the Enterprise.
Tony Crafter with:
'Guilty', the classic Barbra Streisand album =
All Barry Gibb music!" I rattled. "Such an asset."
naturegirl with:
Yes - It Can Happen To You =
A peachy, noisy, top tune.
Julian Lofts with:
Gary Leonard Oldman is an actor =
Racist raged on and on amorally.
1st - nedesto with:
The annual summer solstice =
Sun reaches one tall summit.
2nd - Jason Lofts with:
Tense relations in the Middle East again ~
alongside heated anti-Israel sentiment.
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
What could have happened to missing Malaysia plane? =
Alas, many allow it might have ended up on a spaceship.
Rosie Perera with:
Police set to begin digging for Madeleine McCann =
Cementing dogged belief in cop locating remains.
Tony Crafter with:
Juan Carlos the King of Spain has abdicated =
I escape and hand backlash to junior as gift!
Maurice Goddard with:
Tokyo's 'oldest man' had been dead for thirty years =
A rather odd to shady mystery of a skeleton in bed!
View with:
Why is King Juan Carlos of Spain abdicating? =
Against Hispanic ruling way and sick of 'job'
Scott Gardner with:
The Allies' beach landings in Normandy =
A male Brit's in English Channel on D-Day.
Adie Pena with:
As more may not hear the lawful truth from ~
Lutfur Rahman, the mayor of Tower Hamlets.
Mark Huffman with:
Iraq: is this really the end of a country? =
Sunnis hide; rich, royalty flee to Qatar.
Julian Lofts with:
Luis Suarez faces long ban if found guilty of bite =
Ugly sin of zealous biter obfuscating final feud.
Tyler Severance with:
Tension in the Middle East ~
nonetheless intimidated.
Ellie Dent with:
Soul singer Womack =
Musical works ... gone.
David Bourke with:
Rolf Harris found guilty of indecent assault =
End of scrutiny of foul Australian's third leg.
Meyran Kraus with:
Russian leader Putin ‡
A sturdier peninsula.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Veteran entertainer, Rolf Harris found guilty =
I rattled rather unsavoury interfering felon.
1st - David Bourke with:
William Shakespeare, the Bard of Stratford-upon-Avon =
Installed upon a peak far, far above other wordsmiths!
2nd - Julian Lofts with:
Luis Alberto Suarez =
Slur - a zealous biter.
3rd - nedesto with:
The famous Liverpudlians: John, Paul, George, Ringo =
Four male English pals have joined touring group.
Scott Gardner with:
Old master Titian =
An old-time artist.
Dharam Khalsa with:
United States Army Soldier Bowe Bergdahl =
I'll disregard web debate on my hero status.
Mark Huffman with:
USA Army Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl =
Released by worst human garbage.
Tony Crafter with:
Letizia Ortiz Rocasolano, Princess of Asturias =
An aristocrat of sure social position (a sizzler!)
Ellie Dent with:
Will the Bard =
Ill-bred ... what??
View with:
English poet William Shakespeare =
I/we like his elegant phrasal poems.
Rosie Perera with:
The Russian Evgeniy Mikhailovitch Bogachev =
US itching to go nab him -- i.e., savvy evil hacker, eh?
Adie Pena with:
Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge =
She became chic for grand duties.
Tyler Severance with:
William Shakespeare the bard of Stratford =
Praised this framework of theater ballads!
Meyran Kraus with:
US action director Michael Bay =
Critics loathe your bad cinema!
1st - View with:
United States of America =
Russia to meet and face it.
2nd - David Bourke with:
The United States men's national soccer team =
The talented Americans came out in stetsons!
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor =
A happier mood is a fun cure to patients or a child.
Tony Crafter with:
King Arthur's 'Camelot' =
A knights' realm-court.
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Monash Institute of Medical Research =
The Monster and the Sacrificial Mouse.
nedesto with:
Apple Records, a division of Apple Corps Ltd =
Faction prepared Liverpool lads' pop discs.
Adrian Hickford with:
The commemoration of D-Day after seventy years =
Many of today's veterans recite memory of death.
Jason Lofts with:
Fruitland American Meat =
Alarm: if untreated, manic!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Vintage Seth Thomas Metronome =
One gives man that smooth meter.
Adie Pena with:
International Federation of Association Football =
I note if all action fans of neat to-do are in Brasil too.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant =
Men that evil, that 'soft' Al-Qaeda is nicer.
Meyran Kraus with:
Saint Basil's Cathedral, Moscow =
Main castle with badass colors.
1st - Scott Gardner with:
The Fellowship of the Ring:
1. Gandalf
2. Aragorn
3. Boromir
4. Gimli
5. Legolas
6. Frodo
7. Samwise
8. Peregrin
9. Meriadoc
=
1. Magician
2. Ranger
3. Gondor hero
4. Dwarf
5. Elf
6. He is Mr. Baggins
7. I help poor master
8. Goofier idiot
9. Small fellow
2nd - Meyran Kraus
1. Sean Connery
2. George Lazenby
3. Roger Moore
4. Timothy Dalton
5. Pierce Brosnan
6. Daniel Craig
=
1. Original one
2. One-time Bond
3. A girl chaser
4. Zero energy
5. Elegant
6. Contemporary scary Bond
3rd - nedesto with:
Top Five Currently Playing Movies:
1. Maleficent
2. X-Men: Days of Future Past
3. A Million Ways to Die in the West
4. Godzilla
5. Blended
=
1. Evil fairy softens
2. Mutant vs. machine title
3. Family Guy went cowboy
4. Noxious deep sea lizard
5. Plodding, repellent date film
Tyler Severance with:
American Dad main family characters
Stan
Francine
Roger
Steve
Haley
Jeff
Klaus
=
CIA caseman
craven dame
alien
treehug
flatass freckle
joint dram
aryan fish fry.
Julian Lofts with:
A Pennsylvania man is accused of stealing human skin from hospital
=
Hell, man! I visualise fanatic frying them as snacks (papadums). No, no, no!
Ellie Dent with:
Dear Poppy
I've been lost or alone, moreover struggling, since we foolishly parted.
But if you take me on, I'd remain as your One.
=
Please, please, I DO need you. Do forgive me, babe. I implore you.
Yours forever
Mark.
P.S. Congratulations on winning the lottery.
Adie Pena with:
The Worst Films Ever Made [2010s]
1. The Last Airbender
2. Jack and Jill
3. That's My Boy
4. Movie 43
=
1. 432,100 saw this film.
2/3. Both by Adam Sandler (Ditto, a jerk!)
4. Vehemently merits vocal jeers!
Dharam Khalsa with:
The schoolteacher: "Edward, please name two pronouns."
=
As the lad, then asleep, now rose up, "Who, me?"
A nod, "Correct!"
Tony Crafter with:
World's Most Dangerous Cities
1. Kabul, Afg'stan
2. Mogadishu, Somalia
3. Baghdad, Iraq
4. Ciudad Juarez, Mexico
5. Abidjan, Ivory Coast
=
1. Taliban subjugators
2. Incommodious bazookas!
3. After Saddam comes Al-Qaeda jihad
4. Hard-drug usage - is toxic
5. Civil war, dying
David Bourke with:
The Middle East peace envoy Anthony Charles Lynton Blair
=
Planned on headstone by the liar: "My very last chance to lie!"
Maurice Goddard with:
Swearing in filth, this sad dumb Paddy got stinking wet trousers and shoes urinating
=
It was Seamus, Dublin's goofy drunkard standing there pissing straight into the wind!
Jason Lofts with:
Goalie Cesar and Neymar save Brazil in penalty shootout
=
Game's valiant ace players in Belo Horizonte on Saturday.
1st - David Bourke with:
My definition of an imbecile? That is an unlucky-in-love loser, well into all home technology, who will use the internet trolling for attention.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
One cute little melody by Rossini, now an unlikely theme tune for a cool film with Tonto; a nattering fellow intoning the call line: "Hi-ho, Silver!"
3rd - Adie Pena with:
My definition of non-intellectual is how one collective nation will let in a ninny -- liar George Bush -- to kill all the men, the youth ... for two terms!
Ellie Dent with:
Hilarious little comment on life. That well known huge, bonny Scot, himself once the revolutionary, no idiot. In reality an intelligent fellow.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Well, violently shooting the fruit from your wee innocent tot's head is not cool; in lieu, I'll intelligently think of the noble American lawman!
Julian Lofts with:
Contradictions:
Oh why intelligent men like football
O why Einstein loves Marilyn
Emotional intelligence
Hollow life
Unfortunate truth.
Christopher Sturdy with:
No vanity, no inhibition, I goof. Like a funny uncle or Tourette's, I'm not loath to inflict a silly comment: Three holes in the garden? Well! Well! Well!
nedesto with:
Tonto lie incisively with ear to a little hole, "Buffalo come."
Lone Ranger knelt, "Well, the notion! I... I'm stunned! How?!"
Tonto, unflinchingly, "Ear slimy."
Jason Lofts with:
He (notorious Scot wit) to fetching Welsh beauty from Llanelli: "I'm not an unintelligent loon, I like lovely women if they're nice or tall and thin."
Maurice Goddard with:
* * * * * "NO HERO" * * * * *
An inn nit with a HUGE lain belly,
Watched soccer no limit on telly.
Vile ill-looking nit,
To more than unfit,
Nit's foul feet too, were smelly!
Tony Crafter with:
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." - William Congreve
(Yes, in one nifty turn of emotion, the she-nut will boil gentle little cottontail in oil!)
Meyran Kraus with:
"My definition of a hillbilly is a fool who won't know this Lone Ranger theme even a little since 'Hell, it got no country tune!'" - Minor intellectual
1st - David Bourke with:
The football teams taking part in the World Cup:
1. The Netherlands
2. Italy
3. Belgium
4. Germany
5. France
6. Switzerland
7. Spain
8. England
9. Russia
10. Bosnia-Herzegovina
11. Croatia
12. Greece
13. Portugal
14. Japan
15. Australia
16. Iran
17. South Korea
18. Brazil
19. Argentina
20. Colombia
21. Chile
22. Uruguay
23. Ecuador
24. The United States of America
25. Costa Rica
26. Honduras
27. Mexico
28. Nigeria
29. The Ivory Coast
30. Cameroon
31. Ghana
32. Algeria
=
1. A clog.
2. A wop.
3. A sprout.
4. A kraut.
5. Garlic.
6. Solid pine.
7. A dago.
8. To exit early, I guarantee!
9. Do vote Putin!
10. Carnage.
11. Guns, war.
12. At the retsina!
13. Missing children.
14. Rice.
15. G'Day!
16. The Ayatollah.
17. Not North (a pariah).
18. Notorious nuts!
19. Malvinas earache.
20. Cocaine bazaar.
21. Miner rescue.
22. Cattle.
23. No chance Latinos.
24. Yee-hah!
25. Coffee.
26. Timber.
27. Arriba!
28. Embezzling our oil.
29. Tusks.
30. Jungle safari.
31. Tribal drumming.
32. A raghead.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Filmsite.com's Fifteen Greatest Screen Actors:
1. Tom Hanks
2. Robert De Niro
3. Jack Nicholson
4. Henry Fonda
5. James Stewart
6. Marlon Brando
7. Humphrey Bogart
8. Paul Newman
9. Jack Lemmon
10. Gene Hackman
11. Al Pacino
12. Daniel Day-Lewis
13. Anthony Hopkins
14. Gregory Peck
15. Clint Eastwood
=
1. Mr. Gump
2. Raging man
3. A harsh Joker
4. Well-spoken jury member
5. 'Popeye' in The French Connection
6. Stanley Kowalski
7. Casablanca's Rick
8. Faster king of pool
9. Man in drag
10. New Senator Smith
11. The Fearless Tony Montana
12. Last Mohican
13. Doctor Lecter
14. Dad in The Omen
15. Jaded cowboy
3rd - nedesto with:
TOP TEN THINGS WOMEN HATE TO HEAR FROM MEN
1. You sure it's mine?
2. That time of the month?
3. Your sister is pretty hot.
4. That is your mother talking.
5. Look, it's a guy thing...
6. If you're tired, I'd go home.
7. Gained weight? LOL!
8. How many men did you date?
9. Cookies? Are you still hungry?
10. Relax!
=
TOP TEN THINGS MEN HATE TO HEAR FROM WOMEN
1. Huh, are you going to wear that?
2. I'm not your mommy.
3. You're acting like my ex did.
4. We need to talk this through.
5. I'll do it myself.
6. Do you think that she's gorgeous...?
7. Your friend there is really hot
8. Get a pair.
9. It's not you, it's me.
10. Is it in?
Tony Crafter with:
Favourite Music to listen to while you are giving Birth (as polled by 'Bounty Club')
1. Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Diana Ross
2. Roar - Katy Perry
3. Angels - Robbie Williams
4. Greatest Day - Take That
5. You're Beautiful - James Blunt
6. I'm Every Woman - Chaka Khan
7. Let it Be - The Beatles
8. Circle of Life - Elton John
9. Ave Maria - JS Bach
10. Empire State of Mind - Alicia Keys/Jay-Z
=
1. Push - you're nearing that final peak!
2. Make out you're a tiger!
3. All there just to watch over junior
4. It's baby's birthday!
5. Isn't she lovely (made from love)
6. I am ecstatic, like any female in labour!
7. To Fate: "Just let baby be ok."
8. This comes to pass, when a child is born
9. "Hail Mary! A girl! A beautiful baby girl!" I eulogize.
10. Conceived in NY, we're naming it 'Manhattan' (joke!)
Ellie Dent with:
A psychiatrist told a client who was a henpecked husband to assert himself.
'Go home now, today, and show her you're the boss', he said.
The guy went straight home, slammed the front door, shook his fist in his wife's face and growled:
'Right, woman! Things are going to be much different around here. Yes, from now on you're taking orders from me. D'you hear me? Get the idea?'
=
I need my supper, right this second. And furthermore, when it's on the table, go and fetch my fresh-washed, smart shirt, formal cashmere slacks, watch, and shades.
Later, I am going off to the Horse and Hounds with some good friends.
YOU are going to stay at home here where you belong. Oh, and you know who's going to tie my bow tie for me.'
'I do,' said his wife, 'the undertaker.'
Dharam Khalsa with:
ISMs (an "oldie", but a "goldie")
Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one cow, and give the other one to your neighbor.
Communism: You have two cows. You give both cows to the government, and they may give you a little taste of the milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. You give all of the milk to the government, and the government sells it.
Nazism: You have two cows. The government shoots you and keeps both cows.
=
Anarchism: You have two cows. You keep both of the cows, shoot a government agent, steal another cow, hide out incognito, become a fugitive on the evening news on TV.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You get a good bull, twelve mild cows, divvy some hay, moonlight in the whey business.
Surrealism: You have two motley old komodos. The government takes them from you, yet you (the victim) get kazoo lessons.
Rosie Perera with:
"Whatever is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor: that is the whole Torah, while the rest is the commentary thereof; go and learn it." (Hillel the Elder)
=
Rumor: This is the early law of the Holy One, Israel's God, the worthy ethic to motivate all before we had the Golden Rule ("do unto the other") in the NT. Hear it!
Julian Lofts with:
"A great life lost so that someone far away can have a trinket on their mantlepiece. Rest in peace, old friend, you will be missed."
=
In memory of idol Satao, the ancient African elephant, savagely poached for its elite tusks. We are desolate. Terrible men win.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The original is a silver prize-winning entry in a national 500-word story competition by a seven year-old friend of the anagram composer. The original story is called 'No Ideas George' and the anagram explores a theme towards the end of the story and is about a Sunflower called Jeffrey! The added constraint is that the anagram is also exactly 500 words long.
Tony Crafter with:
Two Jokes
Jon Gearhart with:
I believe the children are our future.
1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Kids are the future of this country =
In short, if that's true, you're fucked!
2nd - David Bourke with:
Romance? It's a pain in the bleeding arse! =
In a same-gender relationship, it can be!
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
That meal of red beans ~
has enabled me to fart!
nedesto with:
The prescription drug Levitra =
Order put penis right vertical!
Adie Pena with:
Scottish independence =
The disconnected penis.
Larry Brash with:
An orgasm is prolonged =
Sperm load soon raging!
View with:
The premenstrual syndrome =
Truly her temper? No, madness!
Julian Lofts with:
Anal secretions ~
are a lion's scent.