Complete list of nominations for August 2014

AUGUST 2014 NOMINATIONS

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
And Now For Something Completely Different =
Sentence of a weird gent from old Python film.

2nd - nedesto with:
Film director Sir Peter Jackson =
Credit for JRR Tolkien escapism.

3rd - Tyler Severance with:
Plot necessary ~
to screenplays!

Adie Pena with:
Sex, Lies, and Videotape =
An evil date is exposed.

Adie Pena with:
The Isleworth Mona Lisa =
Also with another smile.

Adie Pena with:
M*A*S*H theme song "Suicide is Painless" =
Seems I'd specialise in human ghosts.

Scott Gardner with:
Van Gogh's masterpiece The Starry Night =
Ah, Vincent's gem portrays great heights!

Ellie Dent with:
The Claude Monet masterpiece, Water Lilies =
A mere petal, in delicate white, seems to curl.

Jason Lofts with:
"Lord of the Rings" film director Peter Jackson ~
profited from JRR Tolkien's staged chronicle.

Jason Lofts with:
Rolf Harris used to sing "Jake the Peg" =
Oh, apt! Joker's fetish: underage girls.

Tony Crafter with:
The Bard's 'King Lear' as portrayed on the English stage =
Shakespeare's tragedy brings London theatre alight!

Dharam Khalsa with:
'The Wizard of Oz' was the ultimate Chick Flick =
Film with dazzle factor, cute shoe with a kick!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Saturday Night Live =
It's avid NY laughter.

David Bourke with:
Singer Bonnie Raitt =
Snorting inebriate!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
The Ebola virus in West Africa =
A cure for this was inevitable.

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
US actor and comedian Robin Williams found dead =
Tabloids mourn suicidal man, faded icon, a wonder

3rd - Jason Lofts with:
Israel's Operation Protective Edge ~
overstepped - atrocities are legion!

Adie Pena with:
Republican-led House gives go-ahead to sue Obama =
Gee, note a dubious upheaval. Oh, God bless America!

David Bourke with:
Palestinians are not the problem =
Patent it's rebellion-prone Hamas.

Jason Lofts with:
President Barack Obama: 'We tortured some folks' =
Waterboard OK to make rumbled pirates confess.

Rosie Perera with:
Ebola patient arrives in Atlanta =
Enter blatant paranoia: "It's alive!"

Rosie Perera with:
Teens doing the "fire challenge" ~
incinerated leg, the flesh gone.

Jason Lofts with:
Murder trial of South African sprinter closes =
Call this former runner Oscar Pistorius fated.

David Bourke with:
Creation of The Islamic State =
Christians face "Too late!" time.

nedesto with:
An epidemic of Ebola virus ~
embodies evil upon Africa.

Adie Pena with:
The Ebola epidemic =
I become death pile.

Julian Lofts with:
Screen legend Lauren Bacall dies =
A slender dancer. Angelic US belle

Scott Gardner with:
An epidemic =
Panic, I deem.

Rosie Perera with:
The riots in Ferguson, Missouri =
Rogues in uniform hit, so resist!

Rosie Perera with:
Missouri governor calls in National Guard ~
and slams rancorous rioting in our village.

Rosie Perera with:
The viral "Ice Bucket Challenge" =
I give check that'll enable cure.

Jason Lofts with:
World's most pierced man barred from Dubai =
Muslim crowd deports deformed barbarian.

Rosie Perera with:
Handle giant urban rioting? =
Bring in the National Guard.

Rosie Perera with:
Militarizing the police =
I'll go impair the citizen.

Rosie Perera with:
Protests in Ferguson, Missouri =
Rioters, stomping, furiousness.

Adie Pena with:
Ferguson, Missouri =
More furious signs.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Don't waste water on the Ice Bucket Challenge for ALS =
No need to get wet, but let's reach for a check, as all win!

Rosie Perera with:
University of Phoenix's founder John G. Sperling dies =
He's dying on us, proving his online offer just expired.

View with:
Ebola's current outbreak =
True troubles are back, no?

Rosie Perera with:
Obama says yes to surveillance flights over Syria =
USA's air-boys aloft may eye rivals' strong vehicles.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Mysterious crack, it appears in the ground =
A drone captures history-making pictures.

Julian Lofts with:
Hurricane Cristobal heads toward Bermuda =
A lurid southward storm reached Caribbean

Josiah Winslow with:
The protesting in Ferguson, Missouri =
Shooting ignites fires, more upturns.

Scott Gardner with:
Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis =
Cool ice halts tremor, paralysis.

Rosie Perera with:
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie marry in French village =
Finally! A drab vicar joined them in legal partnering.

Meyran Kraus with:
The Israeli strikes on Gaza =
It's, like, razing those areas!

Julian Lofts with:
The Oscar Pistorius verdict =
Sport...death...circus...Is it over?

Jason Lofts with:
The riots in Ferguson, Missouri, United States =
Righteousness, frustration in tedious times.

Adie Pena with:
The Tube strike =
Is the UK better?

Josiah Winslow with:
The protests in Ferguson =
Nonstop grief tethers us.

Rosie Perera with:
Law enforcement's use of deadly force against people =
Fool cops fire gun repeatedly at a defenceless man. Ow!

Ellie with:
The conflict-torn Eastern Ukraine =
Force is taken: later innocent hurt.

Tony Crafter with:
Catherine 'Kate' Bush CBE has returned to the stage! Yes, ~
she's back, at her best, yet true and authentic. Go see her!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

Eq1st - Meyran Kraus with:
1. Star Wars: A New Hope
2. The Empire Strikes Back
3. Return of the Jedi
4. The Phantom Menace
5. Attack of the Clones
6. Revenge of the Sith
=
1. "Perfect!!!"
2. "A gem!!"
3. "Ewoks stink, but it has charm!"
4. "The pod race went on forever there..."
5. "Another speech in the Senate?!"
6. "That film's a joke."

Eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
(Solicitors' office - a phone rings)
"Good morning, Shaker, Shaker and Shaker, can I help you?"
"Yeah, thanks - may I speak to Mr Shaker?"
~
"Sorry, he's gone for lunch."
"Can I speak to Mr Shaker then?"
"He is on holiday, I'm afraid."
"Gosh! Okay, can I speak to Mr Shaker?"
"Speaking."

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Matthew 19:14
But Jesus said, 'Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.'
=
August 1914
But who in Christ told men: 'Off to serve and face the Boche'?
Millions from UK joined that summer, set off, then died.

Tyler Severance with:
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension =
Like to exhale a new morn's splendid seasonal weather.

Maurice Goddard with:
Solar 'super-storms' pose a catastrophic threat to humanity =
To sum this matter up is: Apocalypse's horror can 'toast' Earth!

Jason Lofts with:
Edward Grey: 'The lamps are going out all over Europe. We shall not see them lit again in our life-time.'
=
Elegy
World War I in memoriam

The fervent struggle against the Hun
People arose to die
O, alleluia!

Christopher Sturdy with:

"Britons: Lord Kitchener Wants You. Join Your Country's Army! God save the King." =
O thy talking 'tache doing its sorry, murderous job is very known a century on!

Julian Lofts with:
Australian boy, son of a terrorist, shown holding severed head =
Insane horror on TV - a Syrian soldier fought, lost, was beheaded

View with:
The National Weather Service Storm Prediction Center =
We discover the scare peril - marine threat to continent

David Bourke with:
A couple of nuns were sitting in the bath.
One says "Where's the soap, dear?"
=
The other one (with less faith!) opens up
a new bar, and goes: "Yes, it sure can!"

Julian Lofts with:
The best balsamic vinegar comes from the two Italian provinces called Modena and Reggio Emilia so ~
I'll savor intense vintage acetic acid made from aged Trebbiano grapes with oil. Oh, lone solaces. Mmm!

Rosie Perera with:
"Lord, what fools these mortals be" (William Shakespeare) =
Miserable fellows make apartheid walls, shoot others.

Julian Lofts with:
Report: Global warming is possibly an irreversible catastrophe =
Warmth! No icebergs. Portly polar bears live in a lab. Is it progress?

Julian Lofts with:
A young girl has accidentally killed her male gun instructor in Arizona =
Larking gunner has used an Uzi lethally. Tragic. Clearly moronic. An idiot!

David Bourke with:
Trappists (The Order of Cistercians of the Strict Observance) =
Brothers and sisters practice rest (in fact, stop) for the voice!

Julian Lofts with:
The American comedian and actress Joan A. Rivers has been rushed to a NYC hospital after she stopped breathing
=
Thespian has just braved throat operation and she's had emergency cardiac arrest. Bet she feels no pain in coma.

Ellie Dent with:
A woman will dress up: to go shopping, answer the door, water garden flowers/wilting house plants, empty the full trash cans,
~
to get mail, answer phone, hang out wet washing.

Man tho', will dress up - well, perhaps try to - for top class weddings ... or funerals.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man." - Lana Turner
=
A man women need:

- Raw
- Innocuous
- Calm
- Has no affairs

A woman men need:

- Can sew his sock
- Has manners
- Epic
- Successful
- Tan
- Youthful

2nd - nedesto with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
"Madam, I'm Adam", a hunk confesses;
"Wench, not a clown, half-insane!"
"I see your nuts, chum", our fawn assesses;
"Unclean cow, manic, profane!"

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
Now in a successful couple there is sane no-fuss romance, woman can make as much as man in the office, and man washes own laundry.

Christopher Sturdy with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
Finance and usury - a pun in common,
Women want use of a man's Access card;
When all men seek access to a lush woman

...or s/he is in a huff!!

Larry Brash with:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
=
Each has found it's simple financial economics, not seen as much as funny human weakness nor was a woman's own cruel fraud scheme.

Dharam Khalsa with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
"Any successful man needs a weapon: a fine, warm, useful woman near his flank who can command, then aim, his course to success." - Anon

Rosie Perera with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner=
Near any successful man is a nice woman who prefers his name, can fawn, look useful, and not accuse (not damn much) as he womanises.

Julian Lofts with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
An anachronism - we accuse an unwed feminist who finances herself from anonymous endowment/casual loans as a (pause) schmuck!

Julian Lofts with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
Nonsense! Now we found a few. An actress, Marilyn, who cons and fucks a famous alumnus chap, A. Einstein. Has she commercial acumen?

Adie Pena with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
How a sinful woman, aware of such an escape, screws a stunned man to amass such immense checks -- an unannounced alimony -- for life!

Dharam Khalsa with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
A macho man down on success, in welfare, claims his wee woman usurped a chunk of money for facial enhancements, suntans, saunas.

Tony Crafter with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
"An unsuccessful man:
A man who's fed on a Spam sandwich so his former wife can munch a steak."
(Cleese announces a new 'Alimony Tour')

Jason Lofts with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
A Moroccan (a Mussulman) concurs: "Why, a penniless eunuch suffices for wanton 'new' women like Madonna. She is a shamefaced Satan!"

View with:
"A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
Casual, incompetent man makes no success and finances. An awful man!? Crude, awful scum!? He has no money, has no wife, has no worries!!!

View with:
"A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
Sums, a fortune, safe money on her mind?
A monstrous woman of such kind!
When a fiancee such an unclean lass,
Can we acclaim ?..We pass!

Dharam Khalsa with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
As we know, affluence means he (a success) can't reconcile his own funds.
Amorous harmony means a woman can manipulate his funds.

Christopher Sturdy with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner=
Seek a man,
Rich as Croesus;
Want an allowance,
Which increases.

Once heaps of fun,
Funds fundamental.
Mammon wins
As you consume.

Ellie Dent with:
“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
Assumes a chance: as women know choice of a secure mate, ninety-plus, lone man, who's warm, fun, can amass her sound financial funds!

David Bourke with:

“A successful man is one who makes more money than a wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Lana Turner
=
Woman: Safe economic acumen and unshaken awareness from shrewd accountants
Man: Was usually up in foolish finance schemes

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
THE 12 GREATEST MINDS IN HUMAN HISTORY

1. Albert Einstein
2. William Shakespeare
3. Leonardo da Vinci
4. Charles Darwin
5. Sir Isaac Newton
6. Socrates
7. Wolfgang Amedeus Mozart
8. Sigmund Freud
9. Plato
10. Winston Churchill
11. Stephen Hawking
12. Thomas Edison

=

1. Wrote E-mc²
2. Hamlet bard
3. Styled the Mona Lisa
4. Showed us Man's origins
5. United the Laws of Motion
6. Worked on ethics
7. No. 1 classical musician
8. First shrink
9. Higher Learning pioneer
10. Trusted in a war
11. Changed universal law
12. Shaped amazing patents

2nd - Jason Lofts with:
In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

=

World War I

Vow no quarter, boys!
After the wily, hostile Turks at Gallipoli, now fell the hard, piratical Hun.

The Hindenburg Line, the Spring Offensive, the Siege of Antwerp,
The Ardennes, Artois, Belleau Wood, Hulluch,
Liège, Loos, Neuve Chapelle,
Passchendaele, the Somme, Verdun, Ypres ...

That blood-red sky is insufferable sorrow for the dead and dying.
Wildflowers for the steadfast fellows who died boldly like knights.
Their widows, waifs and friends gasp and weep.

God knows what a waste of men.

Christ, why?

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A truck driver from Manhattan frequently traveled through a small town where there was a courthouse at the roadside. There was likely to be a high number of lawyers walking briskly along the road there. The truck driver made it a practice to hit any pedestrian lawyer with his truck as he was speeding by. One day, he spotted a priest shuffling along and kindly stopped to give him a ride. Further on, as he drew near to the town itself he saw a lawyer.
~
Accelerating quickly, he veered his truck towards the lawyer ... but then remembered the priest He swerved awkwardly to the center, but he heard an awful, an appalling sound ... a strange thud. Looking fearfully in the rear view mirror, he observed that the lawyer was apparently OK , thank God, and now rolling away off across a field. He turned to the priest, saying, 'Father, I am sure I missed that lawyer!' The priest said: 'That's okay son ... I got him with the door.'

Tony Crafter with:
A LIST OF FRAGRANCES NAMED AFTER CELEBRITIES

1. Lady Gaga - Lady Gaga Fame
2. Kylie Minogue - Darling
3. David Beckham - Homme By David Beckham
4. Rihanna - Nude
5. Taylor Swift - Wonderstruck
6. Sarah Jessica Parker - Lovely
7. Peter Andre - Mysterious Girl
8. Justin Bieber - Someday
9. Carlos Santana - Carlos by Carlos Santana
10. Paris Hilton - Heiress
11. Halle Berry - Halle Berry
12. Bruce Willis - Bruce Willis
13. Sean "P Diddy" Combs - Unforgivable
14. Antonio Banderas - Antonio
15. Madonna - Truth Or Dare By Madonna
16. Beyonce - Heat
17. Shania Twain - Shania
18. Celine Dion - Celine
19. Michael Jordan - Michael Jordon
20. Cher - Uninhibited
21. Christina Aguilera - Christina Aguilera
22. Enrique Inglesias - True Star
23. Jennifer Aniston - Jennifer Aniston
24. Mariah Carey - M
25. Britney Spears - Fantasy Twist
26. Prince - Get Wild
27. Jennifer Lopez - Glowing
28. Elizabeth Taylor - White Diamonds
29. Lulu - Time
30. Tilda Swinton - Like This

=

1. Bananas with a hint of nuts!
2. Jolly nice applied down under!
3. Available in Boots!
4. It's all she wears in bed...
5. Smells sweet as saccharine.
6. Enjoyed by all city cougars
7. An inspiration he had when he left Jordan?
8. Horrid, objectionable - likely to irritate
9. Cool, jazzy
10. Rich, fragrant, but no substance.
11. Daring as a Bond-babe in a bikini
12. Mainly for middle-aged American baldies
13. Rapping is complimentary!
14. Latin charm, in essence
15. Madge-estic!
16. I'd rename it 'Dark Diva'
17. Fragrant as a country rose
18. Near, far, wherever you are, you'll smell it.
19. A high-riser's choice!
20. Hey! An aroma that'll smooth wrinkles? Grand!
21. It's beautiful in every single way, I heard.
22 Reigns in Spain!
23. Worn to make friends.
24. An incredible range!
25. Jarringly, maddeningly desirable
26. Just a tiny squirt can fill a hall!
27. Robust as her derriere!
28. Eau to be rich and famous!
29. It makes me wanna shout
30. Nicely enigmatic

Tyler Severance with:
These top twenty one fears
1. Flying
2. Public Speaking
3. Heights
4. Darkness
5. Intimacy
6. Death
7. Failure
8. Rejection
9. Spiders
10. Commitment
=
11. Grief
12. Panic
13. Time
14. Judgment
15. Snakes
16. Confined
17. Tempted
18. Gullibility
19. Weather Systems
20. That One Sharp Knife
21. Conspiracy Theories.

Julian Lofts with:
List of The World's Top Ten Most Infectious Diseases Currently

1. HIV/AIDS
2. Ebola, Hantavirus and Haemorrhagic Fevers
3. Rabies
4. Antibiotic-Resistant Bacteria
5. Naegleria fowleri
6. Mad-cow Disease
7. Leprosy
8. Botulism
9. Elephantiasis
10. Poliomyelitis
=
1. Retrovirus.
2. Without a cure! Test this, isolate it, flee!
3. Rhabdoviridae
4. MRSA
5. Weirdest amoebic brain disease
6. Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy - fatal too!
7. Hansen's disease
8. Clostridial
9. Tragicomic swollen tissues. Blimey!
10. Infantile paralysis

David Bourke with:

Paddy Kelly phoned up his best friend Sean Maguire and
exclaimed, “Ah, Sean, would ye be so good as to be comin'
over to help me? Oi’ve gone and bought meself dis pressie
...dis jigsaw dat oi can't for de life o' me figure ite, to be sure.
All de bits look de same. Accordin' to de illustration on de box,
it’s of a tiger, so it is!"
~
Soon, Maguire did indeed oblige, to be considering the said
varied unassembled individual pieces for a good fifteen
minutes, and also the empty box for ten or so. After a little
while longer, he boomed, "Ah bejasus, do come on Patrick!
Put dem pieces away, ye useless old idiot! Dat is a box o'
Kellogg's Frosties!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ten Old English words you could be using:
1. Uhtceare
2. Expergefactor
3. Pantofle
4. Staddle
5. Grubbling
6. Mugwump
7. Rawgabbit
8. Vinomadefied
9. Lanspresado
10. Vomitorium
=
1. Vague worry at night
2. Can alarm us from sleep
3. Slipper
4. Dip in bed from own bulge
5. Dig around
6. Smug, above it
7. Clueless
8. Wine-fuddled
9. Bad moocher
10. Not to gag, but exit

nedesto with:
A Cowboy's Guide to Life

Never squat with your spurs on.

Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, because your mouth is probably a lot bigger than you think it is.

If you ever get to thinkin' that you're a person of some real influence, then try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

After eatin' an entire bull, a mountain lion started roarin'.
He sure kept it up until there came along a hunter and shot him dead.
The moral of this here story: Whenever you're full of bull, keep your idiot mouth shut.

Whenever you find yourself deep in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Never smack a man who's chewin' tabacky.

Don't follow good Tennessee whiskey with water... unless you're all out of the good whiskey.

Always drink upstream from the nearest herd.

Good judgment comes from experience;~
experience comes from bad judgment.

Never ask your barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

At minimum, there's four different shrewd ways to argue with women; none of 'em work, sorry.

Never drop your gun to hug a bear.

Don't take no genius to spot the pig in a flock of sheep.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, you oughta look now and again to see if it's still there.

If you give lessons in hatefulness or cruelty to a person or wild mongrel horse, don't be awfully surprised if they learn their lesson.

When you throw your weight harshly around, be ready to have it thrown around by someone else sometime.

Lettin' the cat out of the bag is monumentally easier 'n puttin' it back in.

The quickest way to double your money? Fold it over and put it back in your wallet.

Don't miss a good chance to shut the hell up.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Rolling Stone magazine's list of the one-hundred greatest singers of all time

01 Aretha Franklin
02 Ray Charles
03 Elvis Presley
04 Sam Cooke
05 John Lennon
06 Marvin Gaye
07 Bob Dylan
08 Otis Redding
09 Stevie Wonder
10 James Brown
11 Paul McCartney
12 Little Richard
13 Roy Orbison
14 Al Green
15 Robert Plant
16 Mick Jagger
17 Tina Turner
18 Freddie Mercury
19 Bob Marley
20 Smokey Robinson
21 Johnny Cash
22 Etta James
23 David Bowie
24 Van Morrison
25 Michael Jackson
26 Jackie Wilson
27 Hank Williams
28 Janis Joplin
29 Nina Simone
30 Prince
31 Howlin' Wolf
32 Paul "Bono" Hewson
33 Steve Winwood
34 Whitney Houston
35 Dusty Springfield
36 Bruce Springsteen
37 Neil Young
38 Elton John
39 Jeff Buckley
40 Curtis Mayfield
41 Chuck Berry
42 Joni Mitchell
43 George Jones
44 Bobby "Blue" Bland
45 Kurt Cobain
46 Patsy Cline
47 Jim Morrison
48 Buddy Holly
49 Donny Hathaway
50 Bonnie Raitt
51 Gladys Knight
52 Brian Wilson
53 Muddy Waters
54 Luther Vandross
55 Paul Rodgers
56 Mavis Staples
57 Eric Burdon
58 Christina Aguilera
59 Rod Stewart
60 Björk Gudmundsdóttir
61 Roger Daltrey
62 Lou Reed
63 Dion DiMucci
64 W. Axl Rose
65 David Ruffin
66 Thom Yorke
67 Jerry Lee Lewis
68 Wilson Pickett
69 Ronnie Spector
70 Gregg Allman
71 Frederick "Toots" Hibbert
72 John Fogerty
73 Dolly Parton
74 James Taylor
75 Iggy Pop
76 Steve Perry
77 Merle Haggard
78 Sly Stone
79 Mariah Carey
80 Frankie Valli
81 John Lee Hooker
82 Tom Waits
83 Patti Smith
84 Darlene Love
85 Sam Moore
86 Art Garfunkel
87 Don Henley
88 Willie Nelson
89 Solomon Burke
90 The Everly Brothers
91 Levon Helm
92 Morrissey
93 Annie Lennox
94 Karen Carpenter
95 Patti LaBelle
96 B.B. King
97 Joe Cocker
98 Stevie Nicks
99 Steven Tyler
100 Mary J. Blige

=

01 R-E-S-P-E-C-T
02 Brother Ray
03 The King
04 Wonderful World
05 Yoko's terminated consort
06 Through the grapevine
07 Whining jew
08 On the dock
09 Blind negro
10 Feeling good!
11 Yesterday
12 Awopbopaloobopalopbamboom!
13 Can't see
14 Reverend
15 Midlands rock god
16 Jumping Jack Flash
17 Simply the (seventeenth) best!
18 Majestic...he will rock you!
19 Enjoys joint
20 Miracle
21 Man In Black
22 At last
23 Major Tom
24 Irritable Norn Iron storyteller
25 Thriller
26 An entertainer
27 Stetson
28 Texan
29 Her baby just cares
30 Purple gnome
31 Blues lord
32 Patronising, pontificating pranny
33 Kept on running
34 Diva
35 Blue-eyed soul
36 The Boss
37 Wrinkly-looking joke
38 Ivory-tinkler
39 Grace
40 Sweetest feeling
41 Reeling and rocking
42 Canadian skirt
43 Country jigs
44 Renowned drinker
45 Nirvana
46 Crazy crooner
47 Door
48 Mr American Pie
49 Revered vocalist
50 Blues bird
51 Killed Me Softly
52 Beach Boy
53 He's a M...A...N.
54 Dancing with his father
55 Free
56 Living legend
57 Animal
58 "Dirrty" diva
59 Wrinkly old fossil
60 Shrill Iceland troll
61 Roar in The Who
62 New York Velvet legend
63 Doo-wop
64 G n' R wally
65 Temptation
66 Oh joy! Radiohead!
67 Killer
68 Mustang Sally
69 Phil's girl
70 Southern
71 Jamaican
72 C.C.R.
73 Nice bristols!
74 Sweet Baby James
75 "Car insurance salesman" jibes
76 Jerk in Journey
77 Fugitive
78 Jolly funky!
79 Vision of Love
80 Jersey boy ("Sherry")
81 Boom boom!
82 Gravelly growler
83 Skinny punk
84 She's a rebel
85 Soul jewel
86 Bright-eyed
87 Boy of Summer
88 Country outlaw
89 Soul Man
90 Joint harmony...Don and Phil
91 The Band
92 Miserable now
93 Eurythmic
94 Anorexic drummer
95 Lady Marmalade
96 Blues statesman
97 Sheffield tonsils
98 Siren
99 Aerosmith jester
100 Sorry..."Bilge"!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
[As a tribute to the late Robin Williams, the song Send in the Clowns is anagrammed into a poem about depression that contains a unique acrostic constraint detailed below:]

Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.

Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move.
But where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.

Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
Sure of my lines,
No one is there.

Don't you love farce?
My fault, I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want.
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother, they're here.

Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer,
Losing my timing this late
In my career?
And where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.
Well, maybe next year.

=

The Pain Down In My Tortured Heart

Beyond the haunting roars of the abyss -
A well of woe that swallowed me each season -
One worthy memory of ancient bliss
Intruded on my nightmares for no reason.

The queer occurrence was a nightly thing,
When quiet thoughts try to ignite a spark -
Yet I learned how to numb their hurtful sting;
I'll never let it penetrate my dark.

Why promptly set one yearning spirit loose
When I, instead, can wallow in the muck
Or use one constant ache as an excuse
To curse my never-ending horrid luck?

I wait and greet, with no inherent soul,
The sun that rises in my window now.
I did have will once; now it's just a hole -
It's pacified beneath my weary brow.

[If we isolate one word from each line, we discover that this poem actually contains a shorter free-verse poem about Robin Williams with a relevant acrostic:]

The Pain Down In My Tortured Heart

Beyond the haunting roars of the abyss -
A well of woe that swallowed me each season -
One worthy memory of ancient bliss
Intruded on my nightmares for no reason.

The queer occurrence was a nightly thing,
When quiet thoughts try to ignite a spark -
Yet I learned how to numb their hurtful sting;
I'll never let it penetrate my dark.

Why promptly set one yearning spirit loose
When I, instead, can wallow in the muck
Or use one constant ache as an excuse
To curse my never-ending horrid luck?

I wait and greet, with no inherent soul,
The sun that rises in my window now.
I did have will once; now it's just a hole -
It's pacified beneath my weary brow.

Roars
Of
Bliss
Intruded
Nightly,
When
I
Let
Loose;
Instead,
As
My
Soul
Rises,
It's
Pacified.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Green Eye of the Little Yellow God
An Ode by
John Milton Hayes

There's a one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Khatmandu,
There's a little marble cross below the town;
There's a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew,
And the Yellow God forever gazes down.

He was known as "Mad Carew" by the subs at Khatmandu,
He was hotter than they felt inclined to tell;
But for all his foolish pranks, he was worshipped in the ranks,
And the Colonel's daughter smiled on him as well.

He had loved her all along, with a passion of the strong,
The fact that she loved him was plain to all.
She was nearly twenty-one and arrangements had begun
To celebrate her birthday with a ball.

He wrote to ask what present she would like from Mad Carew;
They met next day as he dismissed a squad;
And jestingly she told him then that nothing else would do
But the green eye of the little Yellow God.

On the night before the dance, Mad Carew seemed in a trance,
And they chaffed him as they puffed at their cigars:
But for once he failed to smile, and he sat alone awhile,
Then went out into the night beneath the stars.

He returned before the dawn, with his shirt and tunic torn,
And a gash across his temple dripping red;
He was patched up right away, and he slept through all the day,
And the Colonel's daughter watched beside his bed.

He woke at last and asked if they could send his tunic through;
She brought it, and he thanked her with a nod;
He bade her search the pocket saying "That's from Mad Carew,"
And she found the little green eye of the god.

She upbraided poor Carew in the way that women do,
Though both her eyes were strangely hot and wet;
But she wouldn't take the stone and Mad Carew was left alone
With the jewel that he'd chanced his life to get.

When the ball was at its height, on that still and tropic night,
She thought of him and hurried to his room;
As she crossed the barrack square she could hear the dreamy air
Of a waltz tune softly stealing thro' the gloom.

His door was open wide, with silver moonlight shining through;
The place was wet and slipp'ry where she trod;
An ugly knife lay buried in the heart of Mad Carew,
'Twas the "Vengeance of the Little Yellow God."

There's a one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Khatmandu,
There's a little marble cross below the town;
There's a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew,
And the Yellow God forever gazes down.

=

The Odd Man

There's a Spanish chalet-restaurant north-west of the Walworth Road,
Where they make the finest eggnog anywhere;
There's a fellow at the table by the window all alone,
And on Monday nights you'll catch him seated there.

A chap of little rank, a lowly teller in a bank,
He was chubby, middle-aged and shy as well,
All his days felt just the same; Donald Michael was the name
And the place was called the Casa Annabel.

When he'd sat that night at eight, chasing tacos round the plate,
He'd thought wryly of his impact on the world,
In the forty years of life, he had never had a wife,
To tell the truth, he'd never had a girl!

One final lager quencher then he'd wend his lonely way,
To that tatty, squalid bedsit in the town,
To bed to turn the light off on another faded day,
Then he'd wrap himself up in the eiderdown.

But at length his thoughts were jarred by the strum of a guitar,
That played the strident intro to Granada,
Through the curtain made of net came the clack! of castanets,
And Donald found his heart was beating harder!

Then she burst into the room, like a Spanish rose in bloom,
With her lovely lips a luscious ruby-red,
Stomped both heels then threw some shapes, twirled her long dress like a cape,
And each sensual move she made begged "come to bed!"

She swayed across the floor toward the place where Donald sat,
Her eyes, two burning jewels were locked on his,
And Donald sat there stiffly like a terrified meerkat,
With his head and heart a'flutter, and a'tizz.

Then Donald slowly felt that frozen fear begin to melt,
As he looked into the hot depths of her eyes,
Something strange was now occurring, and he felt his loins a'stirring,
And that tingle now had gone down to both thighs.

As the glow within him grew, all at once for sure he knew
He was the chubby bank teller no more,
Then he flew up from the seat, clapped his hands and stomped both feet,
Now he was Don Miguel the strong, tall toreador!

Their eyes were locked, both bodies arched, he matched her every move,
They generated sexual heat galore,
They strutted, writhed and wriggled, now both totally in the groove,
Ah, he was Don Miguel the toreador!

When the music stopped her eyes stayed locked, her warm hand touched his cheek,
"Wow, that was the best!" she sighed. "Wow!" he growled, and "Whew!
"Now I somehow know that you're the one, my legs have both gone weak!"
And the senorita said, "I feel that too."

Snafu I'll Jot with:
Holocaust
by Barbara Sonek

We played, we laughed
we were loved.
We were ripped from the arms of our
parents and thrown into the fire.
We were nothing more than children.
We had a future. We were going to be
lawyers, rabbis, wives, teachers, mothers. We
had dreams, then we had no hope. We were
taken away in the dead of night like cattle in cars, no air to breathe smothering, crying,
starving, dying. Separated from the world to
be no more. From the ashes, hear our plea.
This atrocity to mankind can not happen again.
Remember us, for we were the children whose
dreams and lives were stolen away.

=

Anagram by Snafu

WAR!
I'm a Palestinian girl with a brother.
My father and tender mother worked hard. They wanted prosperity for us.
WAR!
They're dead now.
What have we now? No home, no water, no future altogether.
WAR!
I'm a refugee, a godforsaken person, a ghost
I live to revenge them against the oppressor.
WAR!
Israelis bombed and killed babies and old people.
WAR!
How can they do this when they were victims of genocide once?
They bombed our school. We were innocent children.
WAR!
Where are the Western Powers when we need them?
WAR CRIMES!
Cite agreements
Arrest the fiends!
Allahu Akbar?

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