Complete list of nominations for October 2014

OCTOBER 2014 NOMINATIONS

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Ebola spreading in Africa =
Sign of a terrible panic ahead.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
A jail sentence for Oscar Pistorius =
So a prisoner on trial faces justice.

3rd - Julian Lofts with:
A chaotic gathering of walruses ~
caught roaring as ice floes thaw.

Jason Lofts with:
First Ebola cases diagnosed in United States =
Deadliest infection about. Assess its danger!

Tyler Severance with:
The Ice Bucket was nothing more than a fad after all =
That break of solid water can teach the meaningful.

Dharam Khalsa with:
October is Pit Bull Awareness Month =
Numbers show it's cool trainable pet,

View with:
October is Pit Bull Awareness Month =
Promote brutal canines' bites & howls.

Dharam Khalsa with:
October is Pit Bull Awareness Month =
Numbers show it's cool trainable pet.

Dharam Khalsa with:
October is Pit Bull Awareness Month =
Cesar Millan: "Bob, it's up to the owners."

Dharam Khalsa with:
Transportation Security Administration ‡
To assist party in cremation urn tradition.

Jason Lofts with:
Oh, deer! Outrage as a zoo puts its animals on menu =
Eat up denizens: hart, goat, 'roo, also mouse! Um, a sin?

Adie Pena with:
The Ebola case in Dallas, Texas =
I can't be so lax as all see death.

View with:
The Ebola virus =
Ah, so evil, brute!

Rosie Perera with:
Indigenous People's Day in Seattle =
Upset Indians need elites' apology?

Rosie Perera with:
Developing an Ebola vaccine =
Can give a placebo; none lived.

Rosie Perera with:
Man treated for Google Glass addiction =
Damn! Lost to irradiated goggles on face.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Nobel laude ~
on a blue LED.

Larry Brash with:
The Ebola virus disease =
See behavioral studies.

Julian Lofts with:
Oscar Pistorius gets jailed =
Posit - Judge ostracises liar.

Tony Crafter with:
Oscar Pistorius sentenced to five years =
So, after a court's evidence, it's prison? Yes!

Adie Pena with:
The late fashion designer Oscar de la Renta [1932-2014] =
His art of radiant elegance also ends there.

Adie Pena with:
The sprinter Oscar Leonard Carl Pistorius =
A rich star pressured to rot in a prison cell.

Julian Lofts with:
Canadian Parliament Shootout =
A lone mutant sociopath - a nadir.

Dharam Khalsawith:
Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever =
Recoverable? Hah! Grim foe.

Rosie Perera with:
Sergeant-at-arms Kevin Vickers =
Given risk, man severs attacker.

nedesto with:
The US is aiding Syrian defenders with airstrikes =
Their Kurdish friends answered, saying "Eat it, ISIS!"

Larry Brash with:
Toronto replaces Mayor Rob Ford =
No more dope for slob; try a carrot!

Jason Lofts with:
Apple chief Tim Cook: 'I am proud to be gay' =
Top geek (a homo, fairy) made topic public.

Meyran Kraus with:
Middle East unrest =
Leaders must end it!

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - nedesto with:
Cartoonist Walter Elias Disney =
Storyteller saw ideas in action.

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers and Harry Secombe =
English reap brilliant, peerless, comedy makers.

David Bourke with:
Lyndsey Meta Rubin =
Bury me...and in style!

View with:
The murdered British hostage Alan Henning =
Laughing terrorist beheads him, then. An end.

Ellie Dent with:
The Spanish painter Murillo =
Triumph in his art panels. Ole!

Julian Lofts with:
Yotam Ottolenghi =
Motto: holy eating.

Julian Lofts with:
The vegetarian restaurateur Yotam Ottolenghi =
Guru - "it's healthy to eat grain or not ever eat meat."

Julian Lofts with:
Charles Michel =
Arch-schlemiel.

Ellie Dent with:
The Nobelist Malala =
To name best: all hail!

Adie Pena with:
Monty Python's John Marwood Cleese =
'Cos men enjoy my part on the old show.

Rosie Perera with:
Acting surgeon general, Rear Admiral Boris Lushniak =
Can he star in a grim and irregular role: US's Ebola king?

Jason Lofts with:
Óscar Arístides Renta Fiallo =
A sartorial icon falters, dies.

Tony Crafter with:
The film director Rajmund Roman Thierry Polanski =
Sick old major raped trim minor then left in a hurry.

Larry Brash with:
Senator Jacqui Lambie ~
is to jail burqa menace!

Meyran Kraus with:
The movie star Renee Zellweger =
"Geez", we roar, "Tell me it's even her!"

Snafu I'll Jot with:
Actor Clive Owen ~
can't lower voice

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - nedesto with:
The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention =
Doctors and nurses there repel one vast infection!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The nation of Liberia in West Africa =
Far area with Ebola infections in it.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Blood Swept Lands and Seas of Red =
London's flowers pass dead a debt

Dharam Khalsa with:
Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta =
Fans: "Brilliant aerial bouquet equal to none!"

View with:
An energy drink Red Bull™ =
Kill by tender-manner drug.

Tony Crafter with:
Belmarsh High Security Prison, Thamesmead, London =
Bloody criminals get harsher punishment? Ha! Sod 'em!

Larry Brash with:
Rhinotillexomania (habitual nose-picking) =
I aim high, into nice bulk nasal exploration.

Adie Pena with:
The New Scotland Yard in Victoria =
I watch every Triad's act in London.

Ellie Dent with:
Titanic/Olympic's ~
lost in icy impact.

Larry Brash with:
The Surgeon General of the United States =
Urgent need to get on after health issues.

Rosie Perera with:
The radicalised Islamicist ~
is sadistic; he'd elicit alarm.

Jason Lofts with:
Club Méditerranée holiday ~
or my ideal beach interlude.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Diwali, the Hindu Festival of lights =
India's faithful love the wild sight!

Rosie Perera with:
The Einstellung effect =
Gee, snuff the intellect .

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A Sonnet by William Shakespeare

My love is as a fever longing still,
For that which longer nurseth the disease;
Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill,
The uncertain sickly appetite to please.
My reason, the physician to my love,
Angry that his prescriptions are not kept,
Hath left me, and I desperate now approve
Desire is death, which physic did except.
Past cure I am, now Reason is past care,
And frantic-mad with evermore unrest;
My thoughts and my discourse as madmen's are,
At random from the truth vainly expressed;
For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright,
Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.

=

On The True Threat Of It

The rants by experts in the media
Have sadly spread this pointless panic here:
Each paper welcomes mass hysteria,
Each grim report promoting hopeless fear.
But every toxic fact that they would fake
Or dark threats that accompany this shrillness
Leave simply pain and weakness in their wake
And harm us more than any viral illness.
Calm down then, my good friend, and make this right,
Resolve this issue with a helping hand;
Instead of being overcome with fright,
Stay positive: together, we are grand.
If people everywhere adopt this stance,
Such horrid traumas shouldn't stand a chance.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
IF FIFTY SHADES OF GREY WERE TO BE WRITTEN BY A MAN

At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I sighed as she skilfully squeezed and pulled it. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd seen.

Staring at her naked body, I asked what she wanted. She told me to go for something between a smack and a stroke. So I went for a smoke.

As I lay there on the floor, my naked body covered in treacle and whipped cream, I heard those inevitable words . . . 'Clean up on aisle three.'

'Are you ready to be tortured in a way that only a woman can torture a man?' she asked. I nodded nervously. 'OK' she said and ate my chips.

'Hurt me, hurt me!' she begged, leaning expectantly over the table. 'OK,' I replied, 'Your turkey is too dry and your sprouts are overcooked.'

She stood there, trembling in the shed.
"I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want."
So we went to McDonalds.

I lay back spent, gazing dreamily out the shed window.
Despite all my concerns about my chronic lack of experience, I could see that the rhubarb had come up a treat.

"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, icily.
"Hmm, kinky," she purred.
"Well," I said, "we can't be too careful, not with all that asbestos in the shed roof."

Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to purchase all sorts of ropes, chains and shackles.
She is still managing to get into that shed, though.

She wanted to try telephone sex so I pretended to be an IT support guy. I turned her on. Then I turned her off. Then I turned her on again.

They asked me to fully smear their naked bodies with the produce from my herb garden but I just couldn't do it. Too many women, not enough thyme.

"Are you certain you can stand the pain?" she snarled, brandishing the stilettos.
"Well, I think I can," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said... then she showed me the till-receipt.

'Harder!' she cried, gripping the workbench even tighter, 'Harder!' 'Alright,' I said, 'What is the gross national product of Nicaragua?'

'I want it now against this wall!' she commanded, 'And keep it up as long as possible.'
'Don't worry,' I said, 'I know full well how to put up a shelf.'
~
She shook and spasmed as she felt wave after wave zapping through her body. I probably should have told her about that electric fence.

She leant over the kitchen table. 'Oh, smack that bottom,' she squealed, 'Smack it hard!' 'I am,' I said, 'but the darned ketchup just won't come out.'

'What do you think about using toys for extra kicks in the bedroom?' she asked. 'Fine,' I said, 'although I don't know how we're going to get a Scalextric in here.'

We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, and up against the wall... but in the end we came to the conclusion that the end of the garden was plainly the correct place for the shed.

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.
I groaned with pleasure. Right, now for the other boot.

"Are you sure you want this?" I asked, "only, when I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks."
She nodded.
"Right," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.

"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she purred, gently caressing my neck as we listened to her Coldplay CD.

'I am your slave,' she gasped breathlessly, 'Make me feel completely helpless and thoroughly worthless.' So I locked her in the shed and went to the pub.

Her body trembled and shook. 'Hurry, I cannot wait any longer, do it now!' she groaned. 'OK,' I said and got the winter duvet down from the airing cupboard.

'Hurt me!' she groaned, pressing her tense body against the shed wall. 'Alright,' I said. 'You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister.'

'Yes! Stick it right up there,' she urged, 'I want to remember this!' I did so, then tapped it firmly. You can never be too careful with Post-it notes.

My tongue flicked in and out, in and out, faster and faster until she was completely helpless. No woman can resist a good lizard impression.

'I am a very bad girl,' she whispered, 'Punish me in a way only a real man can!' 'Right,' I said and left my wet towels on the bathroom floor.

As we sat in the dark restaurant, she stroked my thigh and said 'I want to see your hardness.' 'OK,' I replied, and punched the waiter.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD
from the musical "Oliver!" by Lionel Bart

Is it worth the waiting for?
If we live 'til eighty four
All we ever get is gru...el!
Ev'ry day we say our prayer --
Will they change the bill of fare?
Still we get the same old gru...el!
There's not a crust, not a crumb can we find,
Can we beg, can we borrow, or cadge,
But there's nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imag...ine

Food, glorious food!
Hot sausage and mustard!
While we're in the mood --
Cold jelly and custard!
Peas pudding and saveloys!
What next is the question?
Rich gentlemen have it, boys --
indigestion!

Food, glorious food!
We're anxious to try it.
Three banquets a day --
Our favorite diet!
Just picture a great big steak --
Fried, roasted or stewed.
Oh, food,
Wonderful food,
Marvelous food
Glorious food!

Food, glorious food!
Don't care what it looks like --
Burned! Underdone! Crude!
Don't care what the cook's like.
Just thinking of growing fat --
Our senses go reeling
One moment of knowing that
Full-up feeling!

Food, glorious food!
What wouldn't we give for
That extra bit more --
That's all that we live for
Why should we be fated to
Do nothing but brood
On food,
Magical food,
Wonderful food,
Marvelous food,
Heavenly food,
Beautiful food,
Glorious food!

=

FOOD, DANGEROUS FOOD
from "How to Manipulate or Humiliate the Envoys of Innutrition"

Is it worth the queuing for?
Will we live 'til twenty four?
All we'll ever get is fast...food!
Will they care what we'll ingest?
Ev'ry day we do request --
Still we get the same old fast...food!
There's no option, no little fruit we can eat,
We can chew, we can swallow, or bite!
But there's nothing to hurt us from having a joy
When we all close our mouths, we're delight...ed!

Food, dangerous food!
McDonald's or french fries!
For fam'ly and brood --
KFC wings or thighs!
Suet, blubber, lard in vats!
Not exaggerated,
They got bucketfuls of fats --
saturated!

Food, dangerous food!
Hamburger with large Coke!
Taco Bell burrito!
Grab a bite, do have a stroke!
Another fritter intake
Never ain't it good!
Yuck, food,
Poisonous food,
Perilous food,
Dangerous food!

Food, dangerous food!
Oily little doughnut,
Cake for a glutton!
Now I'll have a larger gut!
I am a willing stooge!
Now my weight is unwieldy;
I got me a challenge huge --
Obesity!

Food, dangerous food!
More Carl's Jr. calories,
Nutrition got screwed!
Mouthful at Wendy's
I've expelled; I've disgorged,
Vomited and spewed
This food,
Unhealthy food,
Terrible food,
Horrible food,
Obnoxious food,
Injurious food,
Dangerous food!

Christopher Sturdy with:
That's Amore - Dean Martin

(In Napoli where love is King)
(When boy meets girl)
(Here's what they say)

When the moon hits your eye
Like a big-a pizza pie
That's amore
When the world seems to shine
Like you've had too much wine
That's amore

Bells'll ring
Ting-a-ling-a-ling
Ting-a-ling-a-ling
And you'll sing "Vita bella"
Hearts'll play
Tippi-tippi-tay
Tippi-tippi-tay
Like a gay tarantella

When the stars make you drool
Joost-a like pasta fazool
That's amore
When you dance down the street
With a cloud at your feet, you're in love
When you walk in a dream
But you know you're not dreamin', signore
'Scusami, but you see
Back in old Napoli, that's amore

(When the moon hits your eye)
(Like a big-a pizza pie, that's amore)

That's amore

(When the world seems to shine
(Like you've had too much wine, that's amore)

That's amore

(Bells will ring)
(Ting-a-ling-a-ling)
(ting-a-ling-a-ling)
(And you'll sing "Vita bella")
(Vita bell-vita bella)
(Hearts will play)
(Tippi-tippi-tay, tippi-tippi-tay)
(Like a gay tarantella)

Lucky fella

When the stars make you drool just like pasta fazool
That's amore (that's amore)
When you dance down the street
With a cloud at your feet, you're in love
When you walk in a dream
But you know you're not dreaming, signore
'Scusami, but you see
Back in old Napoli, that's amore
=

That's Movember

(In the male world when I see hair on lip)
(And cancer kills)
(Here is how to raise awareness)

When the hair on your lip's
Like a big-a oven chip
That's a mo-a
When you taste once again
The pea soup that you strain
That's a mo-a

Balls may sting
Thing a-tingling
Thing a-tingling
And you'll think "testicular?"
Prostate may
Drippy drip all day
Drippy drip all day
Like a bust water cooler

Guys, I'd see a gee pee
If there's-a blood in your wee,
Urine pain
When you start up a chat
About this an’-a that, bring it up
Thirty days of that fuzz
Stop your shaver from buzzin', signore
As a bloke, it's no joke
it was-a time you awoke, don't ignore, eh?!

Look at me eye to eye
Tee hee hee, do not die, get a mo

(What a mo)

One hairy mop like ZZ Top
I put it, it'll mean you're a penis

(Your 'appiness)

I feel glum, want my mum,
I 'ad only one plum, wear a mo

(A wee mo)

Balls may sting
Thing a-tingling
Thing a-tingling
And you'll think "testicular?"
Prostate may
Leaky-leak all day
Leaky-leak all day
Like a bust water cooler

What a tool, eh?

When a real silly billy with one ball and a willy
Wore a mo (why not, tho)
It will tickle her pink
Save time at the the sink, grow a mo
To survive violent cells
You will have to start selling, awareness
Jump about, shout it out,
Leave no one in doubt with a mo, eh?!

Tony Crafter with:
WALK AWAY RENEE
sung by
The Four Tops

And when I see the sign that points one way
The lot we used to pass by every day

Just walk away, Renée
You won't see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block are not the same
You're not to blame

From deep inside the tears
I'm forced to cry
From deep inside the pain
That I chose to hide

Just walk away, Renée
You won't see me follow you back home
Now as the rain burns down upon my
weary eyes
For me it cries

Just walk away, Renée
You won't see me follow you back home
Now as the rain burns down upon my weary eyes
For me it cries

Your name and mine inside
A heart on a wall
Still finds a way to haunt me
Though they're so small

Just walk away, Renée
You won't see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block are not the same
You're not to blame

=

LOOK AT YOU NOW, RENEE
by
www.eeriewoman.com

We liked your milky skin, the feline eyes,
The baby-cheeks as plump as apple-pie.

Why did you change Renée?
Your many fans didn't want you to,
That horsey face, the now blank smile are not the same,
It's you we blame.

Why can't you see what you
Perceived as flaws
Were facets of your face
That we all adored?

Look at you now, Renée,
The same as so many other babes,
You think we like you with your brow so smooth 'n' new,
Well it's not true.

Look at you now, Renée,
A wilful woman who lost her way
The mystery's gone and now we think you seem just bland,
Just perma-tanned.

You won't play Bridget Jones,
No, the moment's passed,
You're just like someone from a
'Mamma Mia' cast

Look at the new Renée
A symbol of mediocrity,
Remember when your face had personality?
It's sad to see.

The Anagrammy Awards

OCTOBER 2014 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY